Chocolate Soft-Serve at Lunch, and Keeping These Records

Just walked to lunch. There's a Jason's Deli near my office. Just a ten-minute little hike over a hilly parking lot. Makes for feelings of accomplishment and full-tummy, with a side of "virtuous," because: Salad Bar. I even skipped the potato/pasta salads and the muffins. Not the soft-serve, though. Life's too short. Lunch dessert for the win.

Am spending my workday answering the backlog of customer service emails that came in through the website while I was on vacation. LOTS of emails. Lots of whiny slash helpless customers. "How do I find a store in my town?" You might consider the giant STORE LOCATOR button, durrrr. It's easier to see than "Contact Us;" I don't understand you or your bad eyes. Since the Contact Us form is technically part of the website content, it falls to me to triage the emails, but I think that's a crock. I didn't sign up for customer service. Two weeks ago, some lady wrote back in, telling me how quickly she was going to become an [Our Competitor] customer due to the "flippant, dismissive reply" she claims I emailed her. It wasn't flippant. She made me roll my eyes.

But enough about that. Work hasn't been so bad; yesterday on my return, all the bosses/managers were away! So I was able to read blogs AND get a few things done, and no one bothered me or created additional projects or meetings. Win. The kids are at Mom and Dad's this week having a ball, I'm sure, so there was no pressure to be anywhere or pick anyone up or entertain them AFTER the long workday, and that was very nice, too. Shawn and I had dinner out (Mexican, of course), then he went to a Scout meeting and I went to Target. Alone. With no time constraints. I didn't shop as much as I could have, but it did feel very [weird and] nice to be so freed.

I'm trying to decide if it's time to pitch some (or all) of my old journals. Some of them are so old that they have really, truly stupid (pre-teen and worse) boy-crazy nonsense in them. Kate got into the shelf where I have them tucked away recently, and I definitely did NOT want her reading that garbage. Nor do I think I want to read them ever again. But on the other hand... it's me, you know? My heart, poured out on paper. Who I was, informing who I am. A bit of a record if my ancestors ever want to know the details about the Sadie Hawkins dance of 1989 or anything (ha, I'm only using that as an example; there weren't any notable details). I guess part of me wonders if it's at all valuable for future historians (no). Or for a novel (that I will never ever write).

The other part likes throwing unnecessary things away and would feel very much lighter without all those PAGES. I don't know. I was reading some entries last night, from around 1999, right before I met Shawn. It was interesting to see how my brain was working at the time. In my loneliness (I'll admit) without a boyfriend, I had gotten very involved in the church singles group and even a retreat group, partly because there was a cute boy also involved. Gag. He's now a priest, by the way. I even took a weekly shift in the Adoration Chapel and would sometimes journal in there, so it's very prayer-y, trying to see God's hand in the events of the day, trying to be cautiously hopeful about the boy but still writing girly, crushy things, and... I was growing in faith but that's something so personal, it was even uncomfortable for ME to read it again now. Of course the later entries, after Shawn and I had just met and started dating, are fun to have as a record of/for our family, but again, does anyone else need to read this stuff? No. Anyway, it made me roll my eyes at my young self and want to pat her head at the same time, to let her know not to worry. Silly.

I have more to say but probably better stop here.

4 More Days...

Have I mentioned how much I MISS ALEX??? A lot. Alot, a lot. I want him back home with us, and I'm glad there are now only 4 more days until he will be here to request taco night and stare at his DS for hours on end. We, of course, have seen plenty of the aforementioned happy-kid pictures (refresh.... refresh), and even received a postcard from him, so I know he's enjoying himself. But still.

We had a nice week last week, and I had a nice 41st birthday. I was determined to enjoy the heck out of my day, even though it was a workday. Because we were "slow-living," Kate had time to kick me out of her room for a minute before breakfast ("I need to ... do something, Mommy..."). When she emerged, she had hidden behind her back a homemade birthday card, made with a gray marker on loose leaf paper. So sweet. She signed it, "Kate Kate," since I'm still allowed to call her that... occasionally. The weather was cool and cloudy, just the way I like it. Shawn gave me a gift card to the spa, which I want to schedule ASAP. For lunch, I had a bologna sandwich. That was funny. I was trying not to feel sorry for myself that all my co-workers, who might've taken me to lunch, were away in Europe. And I didn't. Actually, I'd rather they all be away in Europe, ha! So that was actually a gift. My manager even had flowers sent -- a yellow begonia plant that I hope I won't kill with my black thumb. The colleague who bought/delivered it told me she chose it because the color was bright and cheery, like me. Hahahaha! I laughed and said, "I hope so! Some days!" but what a compliment! A gift, to be told I'm seen that way, when I certainly don't feel like I project "cheer" around the office! After work and gymnastics camp, we went to dinner at the local delicious Cajun place and ate until we felt sick. (I think this is good?) There were both a molten lava chocolate cake and a pink vodka drink.

The rest of the week was equally fine. Kate enjoyed her time at gymnastics camp, I think, and made a new friend, who lives in our neighborhood! On Friday evening, the two of them played in the cul-de-sac and I met the parents. We exchanged cell phone #s so now we're friends, I guess. ;) It's great for her to find someone to play with! I hope they'll make lots of memories together. Tuesday evening, Kate and I swam at the Country Club. Just to check it out, you know. It was good! I accidentally talked to another mom, just for a minute, after her son looked like he might drown and I offered him a hand. She seemed nice. We intended to go back yesterday, but after a sleepover, Kate was invited to swim at their country club instead. The fancy-pants one, to which it seems a lot of her classmates' parents belong. She had fun and was well worn-out last night, crying spectacularly at bedtime to prove it.

This week (it's Monday, boooo), more of the same. Except the coworkers are back and so I'm  fast-living again. ;) Meh. Not complaining. Work, Shmerk, right? Type type type and act happy and collect the money (and carefully monitor the interesting "Senior Copywriter - Virtual" job op I've recently seen) ....and go home to the actual life. It's all one reality, but the good part is clearly good. No need to dwell on the other.

Slow(er) living for one week

Today my morning was wonderful. Kate's gymnastics camp doesn't start in the mornings until 8:30, and is closer to home than to work. So I woke up at the normal time, got dressed and made coffee, and checked my email while letting her sleep in. Luxury! She slept until 7:00, and then we had plenty of time for breakfast together (scrambled eggs and a bowl of fruit), and sitting on the front porch before we left the house. It's going to be a great week of this kind of slow living.

Alex is safely at Winshape for the next 12 days. When we left, it was thunderstorming and he was concerned. And maybe a little emotional/nervous, also. Not sure why since he's been there 3x before, but Dad made a good point, that maybe he realizes what he's missing at home, now that he's older. Poor kid. I hated to leave him while that was going on but I don't think the storm lasted long, and they like the parents to get the kids in, then get outta town. No dawdling. I know he's going to have a great time. Horseback riding, Swimming, Tennis, and Secret Ops are some of his "skills." I can't wait for pictures (just tried to login to the secure site and yesterday's are not uploaded yet... refresh...refresh...I'm feeling very impatient. Need to see the kid's smile to reassure me).

A few Friday tidbits

Sent in our application for "The Club." It's just money, right, Shawn? (I still don't think he's convinced or happy about it, but he agreed to try it for one year. Compromise.) Swimming pool, ahoy! Waiting with bated breath for them to get back to me. Saw a picture/video on FB of the End-of-School Pool Party and it was stupid crowded! Ack. I hope it's not like that all the time. We'll have to be choosy about when we go. Also saw some flyers for upcoming events. They're doing a Father's Day Picnic on the Lawn, and a June 5 Wine Tasting event... doesn't sound too terrible. One champagne event I saw would, all by itself, reach the minimum food/beverage spend of $150/quarter (it was $75 per adult ticket). Date nights, ahoy, too! We'll see how it shakes out.

Can you join a social Club and not have to talk to anyone? (Haha, Only kidding....) (Mostly.)

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Yesterday afternoon I had a brief rehearsal for a wedding at which I've been asked to sing this June. It was a rehearsal with the violinist. Kind-of weird since... no piano accompanist. But the mother of the bride, who's coordinating everything, really wanted us to meet. I'm a pretty confident soloist these days; I sing frequently at church, I'm 40 and I've been singing since I was 12, and it's NBD anymore. Well, right before I left for the practice (at this guy's house), I made the mistake of Googling his name + violin. Turns out he's the Assistant Principal Second Violin with the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. !! Got a tad nervous at that point. Eep! A real live professional musician, and... little ol' me.

In the end, nothing at all to worry about. He was very kind, his wife and 3 kids were there, too, and I was "in good voice." I think my particular voice is well-suited to sing with violin -- something about the two timbres together works, which I was not aware of. I didn't even screw up. I think I appeared to be qualified. HA! We'll be in a pretty large church downtown in Atl., not miked, but hopefully the acoustic will carry my not-so-big sound well enough to be heard.

It was so fun to pretend to be a legit musician. Just hanging out, 1/2 hour practice with my legit musician friend. From the ASO. You know. Do this all the time.

(Squeeeeeee)

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I'm hoping Ann won't text me today about walking, since I desperately need to make a run to WalMart to return some shorts that Kate didn't like (the girl is difficult to buy for and has no shorts for summer! Just bike shorts, which she insists on wearing with regular (short) t-shirts, a look which I do not approve) -- and get stuff for Alex for camp. Plus, I forgot my shoes (on purpose). Plus-plus, it's too hot.

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Alex leaves for camp on Sunday. I haven't begun ANYTHING for it, not laundry, not care packages and cards (we leave them there when we drop him off so everything has to be done in advance), nothing. I'm sensing a bit of hesitance on his part, this year. Like two weeks seems too long and maybe he doesn't want to go. But he has said, and I know, that he'll have a blast and 2 weeks will fly by for him. Oh, this "letting go" thing of parenting. Do not like.

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How are all you people?

Here we go...

And so begins summer! The kids both slept until 6:15 (instead of 6). They got to choose their own clothes this morning and we were able to take things just a touch more slowly (we weren't leaving the house until 7:00, as opposed to 6:45 during the schoolyear). No lunchboxes required this week! These are tiny things, yes, but I am letting them make a difference to me, because they do. The morning rush was just slightly nicer.

Oh, I know this summer is going to FLY. Except that 2nd week of Alex being away at Winshape when I'm missing him most (and Kate will be missing him by that time, too, I predict). The kids know the June schedule by heart at this point. This week, KRK. Next week, Winshape and Gymnastics. Week after, Winshape and KRK. Week after, Art Camp. Then BEACH WEEK! They're excited about all of it, I think.

Today I wrote down a few Summer Goals, hopefully fun things, inspired by another mom's blog post. They are:

1. Finish the Easter puzzle! It's sitting on our dining room table looking sad. The kids suggested this morning that we should come in after camp, get a snack and work on it together for 10 minutes a day. I am liking that idea! How are they so smart?! 
2. Bike riding. I would really, really love for both kids to learn to ride bikes without training wheels this summer. Shawn, would you be okay with them riding in the backyard? Maybe around the perimeter to damage the grass a little less? And, we'd need to pick up a new used bike for Alex, who has totally outgrown his current bike.  
3. Reading. I think I'd like to assign that they each read/finish 4 chapter books on their own. Could be summer reading assignments for school, but manga, anime and comic books don't count in this instance (usually I let them count). Maybe I'll incentivize this with a gift card to Barnes and Noble if they accomplish it.  
4. Swimming (Kate). It would be awesome if she'd get over her fear of going all the way under. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't, and that's fine, but we could work on it. 
5. [Screentime Limits]. Ay-yi-yi. YouTube videos and Nintendo DS are trying to burn themselves onto Alex's retina and he willingly sits there glass-eyed, letting them in. I don't know how, but I've got to got to got to limit his time on the devices when he's home with us. At Winshape and Boy Scout camp, it's not allowed, so no problem there. And at my mom and dad's and even the beach, I'm happy to let the rules relax a little, but.... I just can't have him spending whole days, like he did over Memorial Day weekend, with his head down. Meanwhile, he's saying he would like his OWN YouTube channel to upload [nonsense] he finds interesting, like  his commentary while opening Buddy Fight card packs, and his narration of the playing of video games. This is what the 10-year-old boys find fascinating. One, why?!?, and two, how to allow this with all the right safety rules while still allowing it be "his" thing? And it's more time at the computer/device, of course, to create the stupid videos. I suppose it could make him a six-figure salary like it has other "Internet rock stars," but.... Urgh. All the way around.

 Still: Have I mentioned I'm sooooo glad to have a break from homework? I AM SO GLAD.

To Club or not to Club?

Before we bought our house, I inquired at the neighborhood across the street, which has a golf/tennis/pool/country club, if non-residents could be members. They said yes. We didn't have time last summer to take it any further, but as THIS summer gets closer, I'm somehow wanting a place for us to swim. On the weekends, in the evenings after long days at work or daycare or camp, I just feel like it would be nice to have somewhere to swim. (We bought a slip'n slide last summer, in lieu of having a place to swim, and I think Shawn would agree we don't really want to do that to our yard again. It kind-of kills the grass. And makes us nervous about wasting water, besides.)

I went to the Country Club this morning and walked around with the Membership Director. Who was, by the way, about 30 years old, if that, and wearing a hoodie, tennis shoes, glasses, and her hair was normal. Not coiffed. She was not AT ALL how you would have pictured her. She wants to have a Star Wars movie-on-the-lawn event, which told me just about all I needed to know. I liked her, is what I'm saying. She seemed like a normal person. I realize she'd be considered "The Help," if there were any rude, snotty people involved, but I liked her. I saw the stodgy retirees playing golf on a Wednesday morning, no surprise, but, well... I won't ever be there on a Wednesday morning! And I did not need to polish my one piece of monogrammed silver jewelry before I left this morning, is what I determined. Hee hee.

I think our hesitation is, are we "Club" people or not? We don't feel like we are. (Although we could have easily bought a house in that neighborhood, I guess.) Friends who know the area tell me that this particular club isn't the hoity-toity one -- and it obviously isn't, since we don't have to be recommended or invited by an already-approved club member in order to join. It doesn't even look like we'd have to dress up TOO much -- she did say that for some weekend dinners it's tablecloths and "dressier" but also that, if you're swimming, you can throw on a cover-up and come eat lunch in the dining room.

The fees for a social/pool membership are, I think, entirely reasonable. But would we choose to have dinner or a drink there, or would we just be going there because we have to achieve the minimum food and beverage spend? That, I don't know, and there's no way TO know unless we try it.

I would like to take my Mom and Dad there for Sunday brunch, when they visit. ;) And the kids to swim. And maybe that Star Wars movie!

Friends are like flowers....beauuuuutiful flowers...

(HA!! I hadn't thought of that refrain in a long time, but when I put my cursor in the Title box and thought about my topic, that is what came out! "Songprayers" 1981, for the win!)

Friends are good to have around. Especially slightly pushy, but overly complimentary and athletic friends.

Ann has been telling me for weeks that my little bit of weight loss is showing in my face. So complimentary.

Ann has,as you know, just been a kidney donor, and recovered from that, and is not-so-secretly jealous that I've been losing weight while she has been gaining it.

Ann is also the mother of the bride, this June, and eager to get 20 pounds removed from her person. (Ann does not need to do anything at all. She is lovely.)

So anyway, she pulled up to my parked car the other day while I was doing my volunteer job at the school, and talked to me through her open window. Or, I should say, she talked at me, about how she really thinks I look great, and she just "needs the accountability, you know...? and are you doing WeightWatchers? and [she] looooooves to walk... and used to walk with a friend who.... well, never mind..." and.... I think what happened next was that I agreed that she and I would start walking at my office building at noon on Mondays and Fridays.

Just like that. ("I'm just a girl who can't say no, I'm in a turrible fix!")

It's great to have an appointment to workout, especially since I've been lamenting and wishing I could stick with an exercise plan... but not sticking with it, or even starting it, on my own. And it's super-great (sarcasm) to walk with someone who walks JUST about a minute per mile faster than I walk (or else it's the 2 inches height she's got on me). She won't slow down to stay with me, so I am forced to go faster than I would normally go and yet I still stay about 6 inches behind her. Ugh. But we've walked twice now and I'm glad. Also scared because I get the feeling we're doing this now, for good, even when it starts to get stupid hot in Georgia summer. Eeks.

Today, cooling off in the office locker room after our 2 miles in 27 minutes (!), I remembered when I was spending lots of my time in there, and I smiled with the idea of getting back to feeling smug and in my fitness "zone." 

Anniversary

Fourteen is my lucky number.

And on this day, fourteen years ago, right now, I was having my hair done for my role as THE BRIDE. What a lucky girl I have been, then and now.

This morning I woke up, gathered up my gift and card to take downstairs to the kitchen table to leave waiting for him, when he got up. Of course, he had already beaten me to the punch, and I found a gift bag with my name on it right by the coffeemaker, where he knew I would see it. Two beautiful new charms for my Pandora bracelet, exactly the ones I was hoping for. (He's been filling up charm bracelets for me since we started this gig, the first one being a tiny diamond-ring-shaped one, the night he proposed.)

I don't know how to say all the things I feel about our marriage and our relationship, and they're not the things for a blog anyway, really, but this morning I am definitely thinking about us, reading the tales and memories I've managed to capture, and how it has been so perfect all these years. I want to bathe in it. I feel secure in it.

You still make me laugh. You make me smile (even when I don't want to). We go well together -- work, play, tedious or exceptional days. That's love, that's marriage. That's all there is to it. xo

Shawn & Lee

Est. 4.28.01

Forgot my phone.

I have to admit this to Shawn at least once a week after I arrive at the office.

(Or turn around if I remember before exiting the subdivision.)

So I just want everyone to recognize how really, truly amazing it is that I'm able to keep most of my other shit together as well as I do.

Surprises and gratitude

One of the things I'm so grateful for, and feel compelled to report, is that Kate's mornings and evenings are finally settled, and going better. (JINX.) Mornings have started to surprise me, even. She is able to wake up and she WANTS to be the first kid downstairs, dressed and ready. Some days I leave her snoozing in her bed, to go get my socks or say hello to Alex. "I'll give you a few more minutes, Sweetie..." and when I come back, her light is on and she's tying her shoes, for heaven's sake. Blows me away.

I still can't get her to comb her hair on a daily basis, but hey. Fridays is good. Baby steps.


In the evenings, her preferred routine hasn't shortened at all (in fact it might take longer?) but it has ...matured...(?) to this:

• We read chapter books together for 10 or 20 minutes (there are some Tinkerbell/fairy ones - the Never Girls collection -  she likes a lot, as one of the heroines is named Kate and another one is Mia (the name of a friend of hers), or Junie B. Jones books that we've read at least 3 times before, or she kind-of enjoyed a couple of Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew).
• She then spells out exactly what she wants in her lunchbox the next day, and for her 2 snacks, and admonishes me to remember a water bottle.
• She asks me to "give her" a dream, and I've fairly surprised myself by being able to come up with something dream-like and creative on the fly, something different every night... once it was "dream you're tiny and you're playing in a huge tub of popcorn with your friends, and you slide down into it, then toss the popcorn to each other, then eat some, then..." here she interrupts me to add her own embellishments, like "and everything in the world is there? Every thing? a girl could ever want?" And I say, "Sure. It's your dream." and go on like this and try to give her a few things so that her eyes will stay closed for a minute longer after she "starts to dream it." 
• I rub her back while playing her a "Lullaby" playlist that I made on my iPhone (woe to me if I forget the phone, though she's usually willing to go all the way downstairs if it means she'll get to listen to her songs.). The list includes: Amy Grant's "Say Once More," Sting's "Fields of Gold," The Free Design's "Love You" (a song I discovered/listened to when she was an infant), The King's Singers' rendition of Billy Joel's "Goodnight, My Angel," and finally Don Henley singing "Annabel."

It's sweet. Long, but sweet. No more fussing and fighting when I leave. Forever and ever Amen.

There are nights when I make a date with Alex instead. We've been reading Harry Potter IV, The Goblet of Fire, and just finished it this week. I didn't cry. Miracle. Every other night with him, really, would be my preference, but on the other hand, he's older and likes to read by himself more than she does. I find it amusing that he'll read awhile, and then when I come in, he hands the book to me, tells me where he left off, and rolls over to listen to me read the rest.
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He and I had to use our time once last week to read through a very long, required section of his new Boy Scout manual, about avoiding abuse. Yuck. It was yucky. And weird. But as many times as I've read Mir K.'s "under the sink" story, one of the funniest mom-blog posts of all time, I knew that acknowledging that it was weird and awkward and embarrassing would make it better. We got through it. Kid needs to figure out Santa Claus ASAP, though, and let me know, because it's almost time for him to hear the rest of that whole conversation (I think they're starting to approach it in "Family Life" at school (5th grade). I can't have him knowing about s-e-x before he knows about Santa). Yipes. Anyway, GOOD QUALITY TIME talking with my boy is so important to me.
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Spring Break was wonderful. Everything I wanted. The kids swam, the weather was nice so the grown-ups could sit outside, I didn't HAVE to swim with them, but I did, once, we felt the sand under our feet and smelled the healing salt-air at the beach, we hung out with cousins, we had a big dinner party with the fam, and we had the great mornings around the kitchen table that Kate said she loves. I read my book a lot. My parents are the best. I loved every minute of it, and even the driving wasn't so bad.
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It's Friday. GRAAAAAAATEFUL. This week hasn't been too terrible at work. Just your regular assignments and interruptions. Let it be, let go of expectations. Do good work (and keep in touch). I tell myself these things. The mid-week days I look forward to, because after work on Tuesday I take Kate to gymnastics, and on Wednesday I take Alex to piano, and I love attending both of those things. It's free time for me to read, while they're learning and having fun. So those days aren't so bad at all, and by then I've made it to Thursday already.

Countdown to Spring Break

I'm starting to feel excited about our Spring Break plans to go to Pensacola. Still feel guilty over Shawn not coming. When we talked about how we'd divide up the week to cover the kids' week off, we knew we wouldn't have overlapping days off. Always a bummer. But I started feeling a little jealous of all the families (on FB; Rrrrrrr, FB - one of its major drawbacks) who were planning their trips to wherever. We always have our summer vacation week and our annual road trip to see Nanny, and have definitely painted Disney red a few times. So our kids are not deprived by any means. Oh, and our lovely Spring Break day in Chattanooga 2 years ago, being touristy.

BUT, since last year we stayed at home and hung out with the real estate agent on various days, and the year before that, we had old-house repairs done before our one day in TN, I thought maybe this year we should have somewhat of a vacation, not just 5 "days off at home." I mean, if I had my druthers I'd spend an entire week reading, doing an hour of yoga, having coffee on my front porch, taking walks and hikes and picnics, playing board games for an hour, maybe shopping. And that would restore me and I would be so grateful. But (they would never just leave me alone and agree to 1 hour of games, and) I know how it is when you're a kid. A whole week off is this big invitation to possibility! Maybe it will be FUN! Filled with excitement!

SO. Shawn's taking Monday and Tuesday (there have been mentions of arcades and putt-putt), and I'm taking Wed-Thurs-Fri, and the 3 of us will head out Thursday morning to drive to my parents',  conveniently located on the Gulf Coast. It's a good deal I've got, no? Anytime I want, a house near the beach with a pool. I've requested a little dinner party so we can hang out with cousins and aunt and uncle and make merry, and I would like to drive over to the beach one day, too.

Like I said, I'm sad about Shawn's absence. We've never vacationed apart, although I know that couples do it all the time and it shouldn't be a big deal. It isn't, really, but I know he'd like a vacation, too. Sorry, honey. I'm only going for the kids. ;) We'll Skype you every night. (Or we'll leave you alone to watch action movies and play Xbox in peace.) xo

Annual-Lee

Time for my annual "I'm holding on by a thread re: Summer Scheduling and planning" post. Mix in a dash of Too Many Work Tasks that I also can't seem to keep track of (why so many online programs that generate not only tasks, but also email reminders of the tasks, Work? GAH) and you've got one mama who drinks wine on Tuesday evenings. And maybe Wednesdays, too.

Bleh. For once, this year, I feel like the kids won't be "stuck" too many weeks at their daycare summercamp, and as far as I can tell, the weeks they will be going there, at least there are field trips and swimming planned. I appreciate the summer calendars they create in February. I hope they're accurate. (They're not.)

Anyway, here's the lineup:

May 25-29 Memorial Day Weekend. I suppose we'll go to Nanny's for MD Weekend as usual, though we haven't actually spoken with her or planned it yet. When we get back: KRK

Jun 1-5 Alex will be at Winshape. Kate, as of 5 minutes ago, is signed up for a 9-5 camp at her Gymnastics Academy.

Jun 8-12 Alex will still be at Winshape, and Kate wants to attend "American Girl camp" held at a Christian school near here. I'm not opposed to that, just need to figure out how to register for it (and ask them if it requires an actual AG doll or if a Target knock-off will suffice).

Jun 15-19 They are both signed up for an Art Camp at one of the county parks. Woo! I'm happy about that one. Something different, something together. They both love art. The theme is "The Case of the Stolen Statues" in the mornings, and they'll do clay handbuilding (not pottery wheels) in the afternoons.

Jun 22-26 Destin! Family vacation! Thank you, mom and dad!

Jun 29-Jul 3 Pensacola! Shawn and Lee get a week "off" from our parenting jobs. Thank you, mom and dad!

Jul 6-10 KRK  I was considering another week at gymnastics, and letting Alex go there, too, but it would cost more than $500 and KRK is only around $375.

Jul 13-17 Alex goes to BSA camp in North Carolina. TOO FAR AWAY! Mama doesn't like. Kate I think will go to KRK that week.

Jul 20-24 Both to KRK

Jul 27-31 Both to the other grandma's in Savannah. In fact, since we couldn't send them there last year or the year before, I'm hoping she'll be up for keeping them through August 7. School starts after that, but KRK is closed, NATURALLY, the week of Aug 3-7. Argh.

I won't say I hate summer, but I do hate one thing: I hate being 40 years old but still having to delicately ration my/our vacation days. I wish American companies would be more generous with vacation time (and mine is, actually, pretty generous in comparison). Is that too much to ask?

3 Good Nights in the Bank!

Tuesday I put myself to bed at 9:45. Wednesday and Thursday nights, 10:00. I've been reading for about 15 minutes before I fall asleep, with Soundscapes playing on the the TV in the background.

Immediately Wednesday morning I felt better than I had both Monday and Tuesday. Psychological? Maybe. Still, I'll take it. The sleep and the good book! (Rysa Walker's Time's Edge.) It was enough to make me take a walk at lunch (that and the weather). I took walks Thursday and today, too. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when Kate suggested, after school, that she and I take a walk while Alex finished up his homework! My girl is picking up good habits! And I was feeling the afternoon slump so a walk was JUST the thing. Yay. It's another of those easy things: You can whine about it, wish it were different, or you could just DO IT.

All that to say: Stop complaining, self. Jeez. How often do I read things like

"We multiply what we magnify."

and

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."

and blah blah blah? I mean, I could seriously read all day about happiness and mindfulness and living with intention and all of that, and not get bored. I love it! I agree with it! And yet.

ANYWAY.

Sleep is it. 

Collection, part 2

Um.

This does not seem to be getting better. I know I said I'm too sleepy to appreciate work or love anyone, but here are a few notes:

4....there's not a lot of friendly chatter. Ever. I can even instigate with a, "How was your weekend? Did your garage door get fixed?" (a fact known only by the email stating she would arrive late due to a repair appointment). The answer comes swiftly, "I have to get it replaced... so, yeah, that's a bummer. The weather was nice, though. Kids and I were outside a lot."

The End. Start meeting.

No reciprocal niceties, is what I'm saying. Who does business like this? I get "efficiency" but... you can afford to have a quick chat and act interested in your teammates. Direct reports. Whatever.

5....Secretarial work. Many assignments of filling in Excel spreadsheets. I am NOWHERE job-described as the Marketing Admin. But I am surely being treated as such. I'm trying like hell to cooperate and be willing, and help her get the department where it needs to be in order to move forward with purpose (I'll give her that we're starting from a very rough and reactive "strategy"). However. Excel spreadsheets that must be filled in line by line, with info that one finds using Google, are jobs for an INTERN.

Sleep, again

Besides my lack of a cardio habit, I think I'm not getting enough sleep every night. My typical weeknight's sleep is about 6 hours, which, according to all the Internet experts, isn't enough. I need at least one more hour. Shawn's laughing right now because he is sure I get plenty of sleep. On the couch, when I'm "supposed" to be watching our TV shows. But it doesn't count.

What I actually need is to give up sitting with Kate for 15 minutes -- 30-40 if I fall asleep -- while waiting for her to fall asleep. No duh, right? I'm embarrassed to say I really don't know how to make that transition. I tried enough times when she was 3, 4, 5... that I finally gave up trying. She's only little once, after all. My heart still tells me that's a truth, but my mind is wishing it could use the 9 o'clock hour instead of losing (most of) it. She needs to get to bed earlier, too, something that she is unlikely to accept.

I think it wouldn't be a big deal, except that it makes everything else a big deal. I know my lack of sleep affects my ability to perform well at work, for example. It makes me, for lack of a better word,  grumpy when I'm here. I definitely have a hard time with focus. I flit from one thing to another aimlessly. And I have this low-level simmer of hating everything. Probably.... not healthy for body or spirit.

Friday thoughts

What a week we've had! We ended up with three snow days, after Kate's sick day. I told them this morning, "Have a good day at school... I hope you remember what to do!"

There was actual snow on Wednesday afternoon. It was gorgeous; came down in huge, fat flakes. Biggest I've ever seen. We let it fall for an hour or so before going out to play. An immediate snowball fight ensued. The kids' sheer delight about being out in the snow -- I mean, it's pure, pure happiness giggling up out of their souls -- makes the whole thing worth it.

I worked from home Tuesday afternoon, all day Wednesday, and Thursday morning; then our darling babysitter, a high school senior, came over around 11 yesterday so I could speed to the office for an afternoon. It felt like an eternity.

I both appreciate off-routine weeks, and get flustered by them. I forgot a critical event that's taking place this Saturday, when everything ELSE is also taking place -- so Mom and Dad, I hope you're up for a marathon day. Kate's choir sings this weekend at the 5:30pm Mass. (Backing up: Alex's piano recital, 4pm. Pinewood Derby, 7am - 3pm-ish.) Perhaps margaritas after, if we survive all that.

Now it's Friday, and I really should try to focus on writing one of the 3 articles assigned to me and due March 23 ("or earlier!" they say, hopefully. Stupidly...). I have become so last-minute with things. I get things done in time for deadlines. I think I should do them earlier than that. (Tax return, I'm looking at you.) So maybe on Monday, I'll get the photo album I absolutely need for Tuesday. Maybe the art I'd like to hang before Friday, and the rug. Or maybe I won't.

I got a half-day vacation for Gumbo Party day, so I'm doing a little of my vow to "take more time off." (It helps that I get another week this year, since I've passed the 5-year mark.) It works out because the kids have that half-day off, too (unless the school decides to use it for a make-up day), so they won't have to stay in after-care from noon until 5. Gosh, I hate when that has to happen. So far this year, I think it's only been once. Shawn used to have furlough days he had to take once a month, and we would schedule them on those days. They were a bummer (no pay), but also pretty handy.

Yoga in the morning, in my cubicle, before anyone else has arrived at work and when the lights are still off, helps me start the day nicely. Breathing. I'm feeling pressure that I need to be walking every day. I keep seeing ads from a local hospital about how every adult needs to walk 150 minutes a week -- 30 minutes a day, 5x a week -- and I have wanted to add that back to my life for a long time now. I've lost more than half the weight I wanted to lose with WW -- still working on that -- but I think adding the stupid cardio would help, and obviously it's better for LIFE. Argh. Yesterday I found the treadmill at the office and took a 10-minute walk. In my work clothes, and boots (they're flats). It's not ideal, but it's something.

Oooh, plans!

Lots of stuff going on this week and next, so what better than to waste precious half-hours here telling a few people and my future self about it?! Hee.

1. The Pinewood Derby was supposed to have been this weekend -- our very last Cub Scouting event -- but it was postponed until next weekend because there was a very small threat of snow and ice. We no longer take those threats lightly in metro ATL! So, next weekend, fine, but now we have that, which usually lasts from 7:30 a.m. check-in until 3:00 p.m. clean-up, and then Alex's very first piano recital, at 4:00 p.m.! Whee! Should be a fun day. I hope the PWD finishes on time. I'm so, so excited about the recital. The kids have never even attended a music recital, much less participated. I'm nervous for him, and proud of him, already and all at once. He'll play two little pieces.

2. Kate had tummy trouble all weekend. She did nothing but lie on the couch Sat., and Sun., and chose to stay home from school today (totally legit, she did have a fever last night). It was Shawn's turn so she's been at his office, charming everyone and being good watching "Frienemies" on the iPad. She does feel better, I think, but is pretty weak from not having eaten anything much for 2 days. It isn't really worth mentioning except that they're calling for possible snow again overnight, so I'm worried she'll have ANOTHER day off school tomorrow. We'll see. The snow days are fine until they combine with sick-days. Then I start to get fretful for some reason. Like I can prevent snow-days! OR sickness. Dumb. Anyway, it's good that Shawn and I can share the sick-day responsibilities, and that I have a laptop.

3. The Gumbo party is happening! In my Mom's family we called it "Sacrificial Gumbo" because it was SOOOO TERRIBLE to have to have no meat. Ha ha. So anyway, I sent an Evite to 5 families yesterday. It took me a while to get up the courage to press "Send," however stupid that is -- and we already have three positive responses! Yay! I think we'll need to set up a card table in the den. It's a real party when you have to set up a card table, amiright?? But luckily, we bought a card table just a couple of weeks ago! (Still need chairs.) Don't worry, I'll put a tablecloth over it.

We want to do a little more decorating before people come over, and obviously a lot of straightening up (Kate's toys/pillows/shoes currently COVER the living room floor) but again, no stress about how the house looks or doesn't look. I'm trying to remember this, a brilliant article I may have already linked to that deserves a second read. There is no need to pressure ourselves to have Pinterest-worthy, Houzz-worthy homes before we host a get-together. Just bring people in. They're coming for the company, and maybe the food, and that's why we're having them -- not to show them our custom valences. (We will likely never have custom valances!) Yes, we'd like to have something on the wall behind our couch -- going to look this week -- and something that fits better, and is in a frame, above our bed, assuming anyone wants a "tour" of the still-new house. And the powder room downstairs could use a little something. Those should be easy enough to find, yes? We can do those.

So I'm planning shrimp gumbo, french bread, Kraft mac-and-cheese for the kids who don't want to even TRY gumbo (...Kate), maybe a veggie tray and a fruit tray, and wine and beer and lemonade. Done. Easy. We'll sit wherever. Some folding chairs in the kitchen to round out the seating options, and I think we'll be good.

I like being the hostess, I learned last weekend at Kate's birthday slumber party. Well, I mean, I've long known it. So now that we're in the house, we're mentally ready, and we actually have friends, I'm forging ahead. More parties! Huzzah!

Collection

Hrm. Another dip in the line of "do I like my new manager or not?"

I need a place to collect grievances. (No, I don't like being this picky/grumpy, but already it feels like I might need the list to refer to in the future.)

1. Scratched on her phone all during my B2B presentation. On her first day.
2. Has been given responsibility for print projects for the US. Immediately used me in a rather secretarial way, asking me to do something (get print estimates) that is absolutely NOT in my current job description.
3. Sent me an early-morning request to write "Sales Scripts" for telephone and email --- something I've never, ever done -- and gave me ONE DAY, assuming I had nothing else on my schedule, I guess. When I told her I could spend an hour on it today, she replied, "This is priority."

Stay tuned.

One to One (1:1) Meeting

New Manager and I had our first 1:1 meeting. (It bothers me very much that a couple of colleagues call these "One on One" meetings..... Uhh, no thank you. Ha!) It went extremely well, to my surprise. She was engaged and listened, took a lot of notes, agreed with me about my "pain points" (she had asked me for those), gave me some great suggestions/tasks, and I feel quite good, now, about having her on board. We talked about schedules and she seems to have not one problem with flex-time, exactly as I'd hoped and imagined she wouldn't (BECAUSE REAL PEOPLE in THE 21st CENTURY DON'T). So thank God.

In the past few weeks, I've been trying to be more analytical and strategic about my job. This maybe is interesting to no one, but our websites' traffic has been the lowest of all our subsidiaries (UK, France, Germany, Austria, etc.) for a couple of months. U.S. was highlighted RED in the spreadsheet! "Critical performer!" ACK. This would not stand, so I've been researching, and SEO-ing, and trying my darndest to pull the numbers up. (And my tactics seem to have worked for January! I feel so proud!) What I've learned is that I REALLY like that stuff. I get deeply involved with it, and time seems to fly. A revelation. I'm so anxious, now, to make analytics and strategy more a part of my daily round.

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Group "Meetings:"

Last weekend Shawn and I had two fun dinners with friends. (We have FRIENDS! Sorry, but it's still exciting.) Our favorite group of 5th-grade parents, 8 of us total, went to an expensive-ish restaurant on the night of the school's annual fundraising gala. We boycotted the gala! It was funny, we've declared it a tradition now. And we had SUCH fun. Laughed and laughed.

The next night we'd been invited to the Cubmaster and his wife's house, to plan the boys' last ceremony before they all cross over to Boy Scouts. (Time flies!) They're ...interesting people, maybe not our first choice, but SO nice nonetheless, and we drank white wine and the kids all played happily together, and it was a nice way to spend the spring-like afternoon.

And I'm putting this here so I don't forget: During Lent, we are going to host a Sacrificial Gumbo party on a Friday night. (Seafood gumbo, of course.) Kids and parents. Casual - I don't want to stress about it. In fact, I'm going to hop over to my G-cal right now and figure out what date I can plan this event.

Humbled updating

I have to update you lovely people about my friend/choir director who needs a kidney transplant. There is good news. But first, a little story I may never have shared.

When I first joined the choir, a woman named Ann was very kind to me. I knew exactly No One at the church or in our town, really, but she, a fellow soprano, charmed me right away with just the right kind of snarky looks and giggles that first rehearsal -- about the terrible pitch in the alto section, or the stupidity of the then-director's hymn choices. I was comfortable with her from the word go. She was pregnant at the time, Alex was around 8 months old, so we bonded. She invited me to her baby shower - again, I knew nobody but was grateful for a chance to meet some women. We joined another choir together which held rehearsals and concerts all over Atlanta, so we drove together many times. She shared some pretty deep secrets with me. As I got to know Ann, I came to understand she was very much like another of my best friends -- outwardly confident to a fault, almost, but pretty insecure on the inside. Like most of us. Anyway, time marched on.

Once, a couple of years ago, when her son (he was born, heh) had just joined the Cub Scouts, she thought it was funny to make jokes like, "Yeah, I let him join up, but told him not to let anyone FEEL him up!" or some such, referencing the BSA's historic trouble with pedophilia. Lovely. I let the first couple of times slide. But during a choir party (the drama I alluded to in that post), I asked her how was he liking scouts, and she cracked about it AGAIN, and I'd had enough. "You need to really shut up about that," I said, calmly, I thought. I went to the dessert table. My husband is one of the pack leaders, I know the other leaders and they're GOOD guys, and my Dad was/is an Eagle Scout - I don't want Scouting to be disparaged every time it comes up in conversation. She did need to cut it out - it wasn't going to help her son, either, to give him that kind of impression (I don't know if she was saying things like this within his earshot, but she... doesn't have much of a filter). She did not take kindly to this. Long story short, we had a VERRRRY drawn-out texting argument (juvenile) that night after the party. She accused me of being a jerk, I tried to defend my feelings.... it was ugly. I was hurt. She apparently was too.

We've since made up, mostly, and gone on with our lives, friendly enough, but I've not really let go of it completely. Mostly I haven't been able to forgive myself for holding a big grudge... but I've not really forgiven her either, totally. My opinion of her has certainly been diminished (not just because of that incident). I know she's good at heart, and has had significant sadness in her life, but. I don't like confrontation, and I still don't like that she accused ME of wrongdoing in that instance.

Well. Have you concluded yet, the end of this story? Ann is the kidney donor. Evidently she wrote John a letter and gave it to him Christmas morning (I was not there), and there was not a dry eye in the choir. The surgery is now scheduled for March 7. It was a holy moment when I found out. I mean, I was FLOORED, really. Not that she would offer, because it doesn't surprise me, but because I never did. Couldn't. And it made me feel like, "Whoa. She's actually a much better person than me." I KNOW what you're going to say.... I know. But.... still. So I'm forgiving her a little more each day at this point, and coming to appreciate her for this new reason (SO glad for John), and it's all very emotional and complicated.

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I don't love the new work manager. She's okay. She's young, and that always seems weird, but I'd better get used to that since I'm only going to get older! She's not striking me as very "leader" like. We'll see -- it's only been a week, and she's been in training. (But for instance, yesterday I trained her and another woman about one of our websites, and she was on her phone the ENTIRE time. Truly. If I pointedly looked at her, she would look up and "Mm-hmm," but otherwise did not pay attention to my presentation. Grrr. Not impressed.)