Love and help; and what we're looking forward to this week

I want to finish my thoughts about Kate's sleep patterns. I know I've said that I learn a lot from her, and one of the things is I learn again and again is that my expectations aren't always realistic. What I THINK should've happened is this:

• Years ago, when she was about four, we would have said, OK, Kate, here is how bedtime is going to work: Step 1, step 2, step 3, THE END, and that would have been that. She'd want to do it right and follow the "rules" and she would, and we wouldn't be burdened by it anymore. 

But what actually happened was not that. My expectation was unrealistic. What happened was this:

• She was little, and then as she has grown and changed, her needs/fears/behaviors have changed too, altering her responses to what I thought was a fairly consistent instruction from me. So at one time, it meant she'd come in and sleep in our room. At another time, it meant she needed me and music and back rubs. Another time, she's wanted to chat long after I think it's bedtime and can't go to sleep if she's alone. And now, she seems okay with it.

I don't know, maybe parenting experts would say I did it all wrong, and I'm the parent, and therefore I'm supposed to TELL HER what's what... but I think, instead, that she's a unique person, and as her parent, it's my job to nurture the person she IS. To help her. To help her learn. And maybe it just took her longer to learn this than it takes some kids. 

I don't want to have allowed her to be badly behaved. I don't want my "method" (or non-method?) to have planted some seed that's going to make her a spoiled kid or a spoiled adult. But I do want to have HELPED her. To have shown her love and care -- unconditionally. And I think going through this bedtime struggle with her (sometimes against her, I'll admit; I've been very frustrated by the whole thing for years, as you can maybe tell from this novel of me trying to justify it) -- but going through it with her has been a way to love and help her. And for me to LEARN how better to do that.

------

So! On to sunnier things. I have no meetings today and so far, very few tasks, yet my calendars are OPEN and ACTIVE because school starts next week! We've already got regular extracurriculars scheduled on Tuesdays (gymnastics for Kate) and Thursdays (piano for both), and those 2 things begin THIS week because public schools in our county started today. Crazy early! Hello, again, school-bus traffic. We have our "Book Day" this Thursday, otherwise known as Orientation, and I took the morning off in order to go hang out at school for that. I can't wait; it's one of my favorite days of the year.

We've bought supplies, and everything is piled on the dining room table waiting to go. (It's sort of a mess in there. Another reason I'm ready for Thursday.)

On Tuesday, we'll find out the kids' homerooms. Hoping upon hope (with a little help, we think, from a teacher friend) that Kate and her bestie, Callie, get to be in the same classroom together. (And that a troublesome "friend" will NOT be in her classroom...) We don't get much say in this, of course, but fingers are crossed.

I don't have a committee chairperson job anymore (that term ended in May), and I'm TRYING to keep my volunteering to a low simmer. I did help with the Welcoming Committee for new families (2 easy phone calls) and have told the Band director I'd help her with concerts (sending emails, setting up volunteers to bring refreshments), but neither of those things is very taxing. My PTO days for the rest of 2017 are dwindling already, and it's only August, so volunteer jobs that require me to take off work (like the one I had the last 2 years) are not going to work this time around. 

Another thing on my mind is a visit from my coworker the week of Aug. 14th. We'll have meetings during the days (yuck), but one of the weeknights I invited her, and my buddy Shan, to come to our house for dinner. So I'm wondering what to serve. I think it will likely be gumbo and French bread, with wine and cheese for appetizers and some sort of pie for dessert. Yay! Entertaining! 

Update: Kate's sleep

She's doing better.

She really really wants to be free of her ... what's the word? Fears? Limits? Sleep Problems? I'm not sure. (In case I haven't ever defined it here, the problem has been that she needed someone to stay in her room until she was asleep. Shawn and I have been known to stay in there for 30+ minutes which has been... not ideal.) But she wants to, and she's working hard on it, and I'm really proud of her.

Starting at the beginning of this summer, we've had much better nights. She went to camp for 2 weeks, of course, in a room with 6 other people. Those nights were comfortable for her, even though she was away from home. When she first came back, she wanted to stay up really late every night, but because I have to work every morning, and have to get to bed on time (particularly when I was on the WLC), we agreed she would go to bed by 9:45/10.

That was fine. The real boost came when she stayed in Pensacola in late June. Mom would agree to sit with her for a few minutes, but not long. She'd leave with the promise to check on Kate in a few minutes. And we have managed to carry that same tactic over, and are now successfully doing it at home. I sit in her chair for 5 minutes (7 minutes, tops) -- no back rubbing, no begging me to stay. I leave, tell her I love her and will check on her. She says, "OK, I'll try." But she doesn't get back up, she doesn't whine for me to stay. She does try. Something has switched on for her, that she's okay to fall asleep.

Most nights I do check on her, and she's asleep. Some nights I don't. A few times, she has come into our room and slept on the floor, after hearing a weird noise or a dog barking outside her window. She gets set up on her own and is usually very apologetic about it. Breaks my heart a little bit. I don't engage much with her unless she's being really apologetic. I want her to know it's okay. She sleeps fine on the floor.

We're doing better. (Also, thanks so much, Mom.)

(please no jinxies)

Whole Life Challenge #2 Results

Just want to record this here for posterity. I did my final assessment this morning for the WLC. It was a surprising success:

• Lost 2 inches from my waist measurement
• Lost 1.5 inches from my hips
• Lost .75 inches from my arm circumference
• Maintained my weight. Didn't lose one pound. The whole time, I kept thinking, surely the scale will move next week... and it never did. But I'm okay with it. I can keep working on that, if I really want to. I didn't do as much cardio as I might have, and that might have helped the scale, but they also say muscle weighs more than fat, and I DID work on building muscle. Most of my workouts involved weights (and squats, SO many squats) this time around, and that's new for me. I was also a lot more lenient with food this time than last, particularly in Destin and Pensacola, but also on a more regular basis with "tastes" of things here and there, which of course add up if you keep tasting them. But still. Better than gaining!
  

I truly didn't expect the changes I achieved -- since the scale wasn't moving, I wasn't very hopeful anything else would happen. But IT DID and I'm so pleased.

I'm impressed with us for hanging in there, even though there were SO many events and holidays during this 8-week timeframe. That's an achievement in itself, just getting to the end. 

This time, I did not sign up for the next (September) Challenge. I might regret that later, but I want to see what I can do on my own. Living my life. I hate to leave Mom because I think she wants to go again, but maybe Jill will do the next one. And it's likely I'll want to do it again next January. We'll have to see. I really recommend the program if you're looking to improve your eating habits, increase your workout frequency, or just be more mindful of those things. It works. www.wholelifechallenge.com

Mid-July Thoughts

Hm. I could turn on my Calm app for white noise and continue working, or I could turn on the Calm app for white noise and start writing purely for myself, here.

Which one will I choose??

 - - - - - -

This was the easiest weekend we've had in a GOOD WHILE, due to summer, with all its traveling days. I was so happy to have Sunday coffee on my patio yesterday morning, with the backyard birds. It wasn't hot, but there was no breeze - a breeze would have helped. Still, though. Alex joined me for a while, and I didn't mind since I wasn't interested in reading my book (one of his, that I'm not enjoying yet, but reading it because he wanted me to). Our weekend was very "normal." We saw a movie, went to church Saturday night, dinner afterwards. Laundry and groceries on Sunday, the end.

I did succeed with last night's dinner. We had marinated pork tenderloin (1/4c. soy, 1/4c. bourbon, 2 Tbsp. brown sugar, marinate all day, bake at 400 for 45 minutes), roasted potatoes and French cut green beans. Everyone was pleased: Mommy actually TRIED! I even made banana pudding, at Kate's request and since I can EAT SUGAR again! lololol I'm going to have to be careful with it in the house! Anyway, it's a step up from all the lazy meals I've been serving lately.  For the rest of the week, I'm back to lazy again.

M: hot dogs w/chili, and fries
T: crock pot chicken tortilla soup, if I even have chicken. I can't remember putting it into the freezer so I hope I did.
W: homemade pizzas
Th: no idea what I put on the menu, probably nothing - ooh, guess what I just remembered we have? HAM. probably with corn. Or maybe eggs - omelets? Maybe.
F: I always leave it open in case of Friday Can't-Even Syndrome

So it's a good thing we had that nicely prepared meal yesterday, ha!

It's time to gather school uniforms and try things on. I got Kate and Alex to do a little of that yesterday. We're good on shoes. We need a new jumper for Kate, and shirts/pants/gym shorts for Alex. Will have to do more trying on soon.

I'm really struggling with the damn iPads. I sort-of want to lock them up in a safe and hide the key. I want the kids to READ and PLAY and READ READ READ. I know they can't spend all day, every day reading. But it seems like they spend all day, every day iPadding, so.... Of course, last week they went to gymnastics camp from 8 to 5 every day, no iPads allowed. And with Carli, I know they play, swim, and do other things. (They're planning 2 hikes a week for the rest of the summer!) They're really doing better than I see - when I'm home, they go for the devices and it's all I see, but they're not on them all day, I know that. I will feel better when school's in session. We do have rules for schooldays.

I hate my job I hate my job.

I'm grateful for my job, I'm grateful I can work from home this Friday since Carli needs the day off.

A really great day in the life

My morning meeting just got cancelled so I feel like I have all kinds of time on my hands. I don't, actually... I have a million things I could be doing for work. But my terrible, awful laptop is misbehaving -- it won't open one of the files I need to work on -- so I'm taking that as a sign.

Accept the fact that your day might be extraordinary

Yesterday was a really good day, somehow. (I know, right? How crazy.) I wouldn't have thought it would be anything special: it started out very normally, although I did get to sleep in slightly (6:17) and take the kids to their gymnastics camp, and I didn't even bother doing work from home in that extra hour. Take that. 

I went to work after dropping them off, naturally. Checked off tasks: A content spreadsheet. A landing page. An advertorial. I took a very short lunch break to sit outside in the sunshine for a bit. It was really gorgeous out there, despite being hot. There was a breeze. I closed my eyes. Listened to turtles plopping into the pond.

Late in the afternoon I realized I had a deadline tomorrow (today), that I hadn't even started! Whoops. A media guide, 8 pages or so, that needed updating. Not writing from scratch, mind you, but still! I tried not to panic and in fact, got it done with no real problem. 

Maybe, I thought, it's because I haven't logged in to Twitter one time today, that I'm being so productive.

I picked the kids up at gymnastics. They've endured this week really well -- I think their days have been  l o n g  since I've successfully weaned them from day-camps in the last 2 summers. ;) But they were happy. Since those days are long and iPad-free, I'm fine with them logging into their devices when we get home. Admittedly, I linger on my phone when we get there, too. Yesterday, however, I decided I'd not seen their FACES enough lately -- only the tops of their heads. I set a timer and after 20 minutes of online time, we turned everything off and met on the couch To Talk. Just about nothing. They were so funny: "What are we going to talk about?!" We found plenty of topics, of course, and had an enjoyable time together. (We did have to consult the iPad to see pictures of a Marvel hero I didn't know, but that only added to our conversation.)

It's really little things -- small investments of time -- that make a difference 

Shawn came home and we ate dinner and then commenced a tournament of Uno... which ended badly. The one child who feels, ah... emotional when she doesn't win -- STILL, although she is old enough not to -- did not win. There was wailing and gnashing of teeth. But she conceded to let me hold her later while she finished being upset over it. And then she asked me to jump on the trampoline with her. 

I really didn't feel like it (mosquitos, hot, I'd already had wine, did I mention HOT), but I knew two things: It was the loving, life-giving thing to do, and I needed 10 minutes of some kind of exercise. So I begrudgingly put on my flip-flops and met her outside. 

like this, only brighter.
photo credit @BG_TO_U
on Twitter.

And we were treated to an amazing show in the sky. Pink clouds, reflecting the sunset in such a spectacular way, were right overhead in our backyard. There were rainstorms around -- in fact, we'd heard thunder earlier in the evening -- but our skies were perfect blue behind the clouds. Huge, puffy ones. Crazy three-dimensional shapes, where you could see white, then gray, then cotton candy PINK. I have seen sunsets before, but I'd never seen clouds like this, honestly. It was so bright, in fact, that it felt like there was a flood light shining on us. I said to Kate, "I bet no one else in the world is seeing this same thing but YOU and ME right now." We laid down. I wouldn't allow either one of us to take photos; it just felt too special - I didn't want to cheapen it, somehow, by bringing devices into it. I just wanted to BE in the moment. Kate didn't understand why, but finally agreed to it.  ;) She started finding animals and shapes in the sky. Every so often, she'd scoot closer to me. We looked at the sky for a good long while before the pink faded away. 

Then we played trampoline games and laughed and got our exercise, and the whole thing is still taking my breath away this morning. It's so clear to me that God sees each one of us and gives us little gifts, directly. Just what we need, if only we're open to them. And that ordinary days really can be extraordinary.

Good things in bold

I made it to another Friday. It's been an interesting week with Shan away and the kids also away. I've felt like I had SO much time inside my own head! Maybe too much? I've had (and still have) lots of writing projects at work, which keeps me occupied, and keeps the earbuds in constantly to drown out the Customer Service chatter all around me.... which makes things feel kind-of lonely, to be honest. But I'll stop right there; this post is an attempt to list all the good things. 

Yesterday, I was having a real writer's block about some ad copy. I'd written something, but Shan sent me a message that derailed it, and I had to start over. I could NOT come up with another angle to save my life. And it's hard, sometimes, to force an idea. I went outside, stared into the space of nature for a while, tried to let my thoughts wander, printed out the page instead of trying to write it on the computer, finally I had to go into an empty office and I came up with something. Not sure how. I know I asked for Divine Help! Begged, really. It made me wonder if I'm actually "creative" at all. That's a question I may not want to answer. Maybe my gift is clear communicating, or informational organization, or project planning/execution instead, and not idea-generating. I really want to explore that. It might mean finding work that makes my heart sing, mightn't it? 

I've had such a great run of reading lately! At the beach I finished three books! I read Remarkable Creatures, by Tracy Chevalier (historical fiction), then Room, by Emma Donaghue (modern-day fiction), and then a pretty fluffy romance called The Arsonist, by Sue Miller. Every one was enjoyable, although the first was hard to get into, the second rather disturbing, and the third, as mentioned, a fluffy romance. Still, I recommend them all. Over the July 4th holiday I read Chains, by Laurie Halse Anderson, which is one Alex had to read last year for school and recommended. That kid knows me. Another historical fiction. I loved it, and loved reading about the Revolutionary War on July 4! It's about the only patriotic thing I did, other than watching some fireworks from our front porch... on the 3rd. Ha. What will I read next?? Probably a Helen Fielding sequel to the Bridget Jones series, Mad About the Boy. I won it at a baby shower recently. 

The WLC is almost done! ONE MORE WEEK. I'm glad I did it again, but glad it's nearly over. It has been difficult. I don't want to do the next one. I do want to keep up the good habit of not eating so much bread and sugar, and of stretching EVERY DAMN DAY. Sorry about the profanity, my friend Nataly says that about yoga and I think it's funny. I'm enjoying this week's Lifestyle Practice, of throwing away (or getting rid of) one thing every day. Might have to keep that up, too, for a while. I threw out some beat-up shoes yesterday. All they've been doing is cluttering up my closet for the last year. I got good use from them, and now it's time to say goodbye. 

Last night Shawn did yoga with me. (Thank you, Shawn!) I could talk all day about stretching and breathing and yoga, and how good it is for health and ease and pain relief; I really loved sharing it with him (like we did wayyyy back in 1999 when we were dating, and took a class together). I hope we'll be able to do more of it together, although it might be harder with the kids back home. Then again, maybe Kate would join us, too, while Alex is probably playing video games online. LOL. Or maybe we could get Alex to join in the fun. Only thing is, we need a bigger room and 2 more yoga mats. ;)

Brain Toss

The Whole Life Challenge this week is recommending we do a once-a-day "brain toss." It can be a to-do list, or another kind of list, but I think it could also be a rambling blog post. So here is mine.

I'm working on product descriptions for online, for work. Swimwear. We have a HUGE collection of swimwear (huge for us, anyway). It's 82 different styles, and while I can copy/paste and just reword some of them, mostly they do each have to be original. And they have to be at least 75 words. And they have to include the keywords, but be written authentically, and in the brand voice, and be enticing so that people will click on them and find them. And omg is it tedious. You would think I could write about 6 in an hour - or more. And I probably could, if I did nothing BUT write for an hour. But I get bored, and click something to take a teensy break, and then it's been 30 minutes and I'm still on the first one. And being here on the blog is not helping, but I can't help it. The thing I keep on thinking, that I most need to Toss from my Brain right now is, "OMG writing these descriptions is so borrrrrrring and mind-numbing! And it will never end! How many more do I have?..... too many to count, better not anyway or I'll get discouraged."

The kids have had as fun a week as they could at home, being that it's rained and/or been overcast every day so far. I think on Monday they went hiking at Pine Mountain, a trail I've never been on but their babysitter knows well. On Tuesday, they went to a movie ($6 movies in the summer is a great thing) after their long piano lessons. They barely got home before I did! Wednesday (yesterday) I think they hit the pool and had lunch there, but left when the rain started. They also made strawberry ice cream in my ice cream maker, but turned it green when trying to turn it pink with food coloring. Ha. Grabbed yellow instead of red, and then tried to cover that up with other colors. It still tastes good. Today I know they were running errands with Carli and visiting a lake house where she'll be house-sitting this weekend. That girl is making some good money this summer! I have been impressed because they're also reading this week! Kate read for longer than an hour yesterday -- without me doing any nagging at all! -- and Alex finished a book and started another. Praise the Lord. Who knows what they'll do tomorrow, but maybe I'll make them do laundry and clean my shower! ha! I won't either.

And then Saturday morning we'll leave for Destin. We're most excited about the new Dunkin Donuts that's been built RIGHT NEXT DOOR to our condo. I am sure we'll be regulars for the week. ;)

For now, though, I am going to go quickly walk around the building (if it isn't raining) and shake off my malaise so I can keep writing descriptions.

Summer Ease

Of many things I sometimes wish, one of them is that I was qualified and called to be a teacher, so I could have my summers off. But alas, I was not called to that life.

Nevertheless, there's a measure of ease this summer that I'm really happy about. It's Super-Ease this week, in fact, since the kids are at Winshape -- the first time both of them have been there at the same time, and thus, 12 full days of parenting freedom for Shawn and me! It's crazy. We know we're starting to miss them because we're talking about them a lot. But the break has been so good, as it is every year when they're at grandparents' houses. Guess what? We still like each other, and can find things to talk about with no trouble. Good news, right? ;) We were marveling over this freedom to just TALK with each other yesterday, and I said, "It's just that parenting is a REAL JOB." Of course we love it -- it's the best job we have -- but yes. It's full time. We're enjoying the vacation from it. We're doing nothing spectacular - watching TV, movies, eating out - but it is just what the doctor ordered.

Before they left, though, I was already getting used to the evenings of summer. There's no pressure to fix dinner by a certain time so we can get to lessons/choir/bed on time. There's no homework to nag about. There's no lunch waiting to be made. The mornings are slower. Yes, we still try to get out the door at the same time, but it's infinitely easier when we can leave the kids right there on the couch in their jammies, with the babysitter.

I like summer now, is what I'm saying. I'll like it even more in 2 weeks when I, myself, am on the beach. :) 

Memorial Day Weekend: Relaxing, Actually!

We had such a nice weekend. Shawn and I even woke up today saying, "It even felt like a long weekend. Like we had extra time." That's so unusual! We're back at our respective offices, with the kids happily cared for by Carli, who showed up at 7:00 am this morning and who seemed tired, but is still awesome... and I'm still just wanting to re-live all the fun things that happened.

Friday was the last half-day of school, and I happily requested a work-from-home afternoon so that I could pick the kids up on time. There was a birthday party to attend in the park at 1:30, and we'd been asked to drive one of Kate's friends, so we went to Panera for lunch, and then over to the park. It was a perfect, perfect day for it -- sunny but breezy, and not too hot. I loved getting to stand in the shade with the moms and dads while the kids ran around, ate ice cream, and lined up for the pinata. I hadn't been planning to stay there that long, actually, but it ended up just fine since the ol' manager was on vacation. Wink, wink. When we got home at 3:30 I sat down with the laptop and worked for 2 hours, and called it good enough. (I still feel the need to log each hour, and Friday I only worked 6, but I hadn't taken many lunches during the week so it evened out.) **Note to self: I love this kind of flexibility. This job allows it sometimes.** 

Friday night (after Shawn had mowed the grass since he got home early, too), Kate convinced us we needed to go to the pool to celebrate. We knew it would be cold water, because it'd been raining most of the week, but she didn't let that stop her... and the idea of not cooking dinner was definitely appealing to me! I'm glad we went. Even though I annoyed her by not getting into the pool myself (just sitting with my feet in), I think she and Alex had fun. Even Alex admitted, though, that the water was cold. We ate some delicious fish tacos (me) and wings (Shawn), then headed home.

Guess who fell asleep at 9:00 and didn't wake up until 11:00? That's right, Shawn. Not me!

Saturday morning we didn't have piano lessons, which was another nice break. Instead, we got dressed and went to test drive a car! With ice water in our veins, we said. "Just to drive it," we said. But they got us (of course they did) with an offer of $10,000 off a 2016 model. That's four zeroes off. Lucky I'd brought the checkbook just in case. A deal we couldn't pass up, and a car I love! Leather, heated seats! Back-up camera! All the tech I've never had! I had fun driving it a little bit over the weekend, and in to the office this morning.

I had to cantor Saturday night, but had put a pork shoulder in the crock pot all day, so we had BBQ by the time we got home and it was delicious! SO much better than the crock-pot shredded chicken that's been my go-to. Not anymore, I declare. Pork -- the other white meat -- For The Win. Everyone loved it. 

Sunday morning I had to sing again, with the choir, but that's the last time until fall. Hooray! As much as I love our new director Alvin, I am so ready for a break from Sunday morning obligations. Then it was time for a lunch-date with our good friends from when Kate was in pre-school. We haven't seen them in a long while, but the girls just fell right back into friendship as if no time had passed, asking each other about their schools, favorite subjects, friends, etc. Fourth graders! I still think of the two of them as Four-Year-OLDS! Anyway, we had a lovely time at Ted's Montana Grill. One thing the mom said struck me -- she, too, stays in her kinda annoying job because.... drumroll... it is close to her daughter's school. And it pays the bills. We decided it's the way of the world.

[[Is this boring? I'm not sure I even want to finish it. I mean, how could I write the daily details better?! I don't know. I always think LL's posts are so interesting, and they're just like this -- does she insert more personality into it, or something?? What gives?! Photos. Hers always have illustrative photos. Okay... uploading now... does this help?]]

Sunday afternoon, guess what Kate and I did? Went shopping. ;) This is becoming a regular thing, which may not be so good for my bank account, but I think it is definitely good for our relationship. Mostly I was after two errand-y things: Popsicle molds and a new coffee pot. My beloved Black and Decker 12-cup, with its stainless steel carafe, went dead Sunday morning. (I had to boil the water myself, then pour it slowly over the coffee grounds! Not gonna work long-term.) As it happens, the Target is right next door to a Justice, so Kate dragged me in there, too. It's not that I dislike you, Justice, it's just that I despise all the shiny STUFF you hang next to and around your cute clothes. We do not need another fluffy keychain or another tiny purse with a "K" on it! And Kate wants ALL of that stuff. It's really hard, having to be the bad guy in there, but bad-guy I was, denying her a pineapple-shaped boogie board ($29), a third hairbrush (with a K), and a $30 t-shirt with sequins. We did, however, buy a one-piece swimsuit and two pairs of shorts, which she needs for summer camp. And then we went to have our nails done. So I'm still Fun Mom.

I hadn't had my nails done in AGES and AGES, and they needed doing. Kate can't have hers painted during the school year because of the dress code, so this was a big treat. We closed the place down, in fact. But I think she and I need some good girl-time regularly, just the two of us, and now we're all prettied up and ready for summer. The boys played video games, some together and some apart, and you know, I think that qualifies for them as quality time, too.

Can I go on for just another minute? Sunday night we watched Mockingjay #2 (just the grownups), Monday we had no plans, did a little laundry here and there (kids helped), I did my ten-minute workout, Shawn did some work, we cleaned up the Highlander so we can sell it soon, we read books, we napped, it rained then stopped, so we grilled our dinner, and it was just a perfect day off. Nothing fancy or too much trouble.

I'm already counting down until the next weekend.

Snapshots of both kids right now

On a weekend or holiday, if we're in the house, you will likely find Alex and Kate on the couch, on the staircase (seated), or on the chair in the living room, legs dangling over the arm, with their iPads. We knew this would be the case when we gave them the iPads at Christmas, and we know the state of the digital world, so it isn't a shock. But it's still sometimes annoying. Kate fires hers up on the floor of her bathroom sometimes, waiting for the shower to get hot. They watch while they walk. It's mostly YouTube that they're into, but there are also some games. Tap Titans is one that I despise, because its beeps and noises are loud and it requires them to just tap, with all 10 fingers, on the screen. As if they're typing, but they're not, just making ONE MILLION fast taps on the hard surface. They both love Rolling Sky and Word Cookies (at least there's one that engages their academic brains - it's anagrams). Alex is just now texting/messaging with his friends. We let him have a Google/YouTube account (had to fudge his age) so he uses Hangouts, I think, and/or iMessage when the other friend has an iPhone. Kate iMessages me (on days when she's home but I'm working, for example), but to my knowledge, no one else.

After years when we heard nothing BUT the Disney Channel, it has largely disappeared from their TV habits. Thank you, YouTube, I guess! Whereas last summer it was endless episodes of "Walk the Prank," "LIv and Maddie" and "Jessie," they hardly ever put it on channel 864 anymore. Nor Cartoon Network. Farewell, Teen Titans Go, Clarence and Regular Show! We don't mind. Kate has also stopped watching so many episodes of Chopped and Pioneer Woman on The Food Network - they were a staple at one time, as well. If we watch TV lately, it's Jeopardy, The Middle (my favorite, too), or AFV (America's Funniest Videos). Alex likes to see the morning (local, just for the weather) and evening news, too, so we sometimes watch ABC World News Tonight or NIghtly News w/Lester Holt on NBC, on weeknights. Oh, and The Flash. They both love it.

Thank the Lord Jesus, they stopped playing "Baby." This was a game where Kate was the "big sister" of various names, "Riley" (pronounced Raleigh) was the most frequent and Alex, MUCH to Shawn's and my chagrin, was "Baby." He was funny in the role -- quite the actor, really -- but ugh, it was grating. Though there is/was a SONG and other family characters. The MaGoogin family, I believe. I hope they'll remember it always and that I'll rarely have to hear it again. ;) Alex put a stop to it, finally, because he is 12 and acting like a baby isn't cool anymore. They do still pretend a little; "Scooter City" seems to be popular, where they pretend to be Razr Scooter champions on a competitive tour (or something) on the driveway, and sometimes a kind-of spy game in the backyard. This year, they're jumping on the trampoline more.

Most times, playing ends in a fight. Either Kate wants to win (at Horse or "Basket Bounce" on the trampoline) or Alex wants her to follow the rules, or both -- so neither one is getting what he/she wants. It's very hard not to play referee and I usually get myself involved, knowing how badly it will turn out. Oh well. At least they're friends for the most part.

Left on their own, Kate will always want to Make something. Artsy-Craftsy, that one. She'll whine that she wants me to help, and do it with her, but she really doesn't want or need my help. (She wants someone in the room with her.) She has her idea of how a project will turn out, and she goes for it. Alex will want to play video games online. He's found several classmates with PlayStation or Xbox profiles and, as we always knew would happen, this is where he chooses to spend a LOT of time lately. Just this weekend we moved one of the game systems up to the bonus room, so we can have the family-room TV back on Friday and Saturday nights. I'm happy about that but it's also -- gosh, he's getting so grown up. In the back room, door closed. Just like a teenager.

Alex is studious and organized. He'll do his homework on Friday night as much as possible, to get it out of he way for the weekend. He is earning awards in Math and has pretty much maintained a 99 average in every class, pre-algebra included. Math is serving him well in music, too. He's playing clarinet in middle school band. Piano lessons for 2 years and really coming into his own there. He and his teacher had a nerdy conversation about scales and chords the other day (she is a total music theory nerd and I love her for it - I am also enjoying these theory lessons as an observer!). He is rational and kind and he has a great developing sense of humor and timing. He understands so much -- I see in the way that he puts up with his sister, that he's trying really hard to help her, but also knows (mostly) when to back off, and that she just isn't wired the same as he is. His blow-ups over homework have MOSTLY stopped (jinx), but there is the occasional stress-out over a project or a hard problem. He's very excited to be an eighth-grader next fall. In Student Council, by the way. A leader.

Kate is also studious and does very well with schoolwork, but wants it over with as soon as possible.... or leaves it until the last minute - often, the morning of, instead of eating breakfast. Not all homework, mind you, but "finishing touches" on projects. Or, "I want to make a [random] card for X" so it has to be done right this minute. She is still not much of a morning person. She'll be one of those people who can't talk/function until she has her coffee, once she's old enough. She is well loved at school, not just by her own teachers, but everyone. Everyone knows her. All the teachers. The eighth-grade girls. Sweet and funny and outspoken in school, I think. Not in a way that gets her in trouble, just that she knows the answer and inserts herself in grown-up conversations sometimes and it charms people. (And makes me cringe a little since I was NOT that way at her age.) She's in Art Club (and everything else) and her Battle of the Books team won 2nd place in the Archdiocese this spring, for all third grade! Her favorite is still gymnastics - says she wants to BE a gymnast - and she's learned a lot in her tumbling class this year - her form has gotten better. It's not a competitive class and I wonder if I should get her into one, but... not sure I'm willing to be that committed to it. She loved basketball this year, too, but mostly for the social aspect of it. Her team won 1 game. ;) She's trying really hard to control her emotions, and doing better, I'd say 65% of the time. Still a little too dramatic and over-reactive for my taste, but we're all working on it. Oh, and she had her first piano lesson this past weekend.

This is going so fast, this "school years" time of our lives. I really can't believe it. I want to bottle it up and keep it, so I've been meaning to write this post for a long time.

Remember this.

Yesterday, Mother's Day, May 14, 2017, Kate is 9 and I am 43.

On the way down the stairs at home, dressed and ready for Mass: She takes my hand to hold.

On the way out of the church, in the beautiful sunny day, chatting and talking: She holds my hand again.

On the way to the car after a lovely brunch: She takes it a third time. I looked down at her hand in mine, and I just want to remember how it felt, how natural and soft and sweet it was, forever.

Also, twice during the day, my nearly-teenage son kissed me on the cheek. Once when he was directed to by his Dad, for a photo op, and another time while I was just sitting at the kitchen table. He just came right up to me and leaned in. Stayed a while, too, after the peck on the cheek, just side-hugging me.

I do like Mother's Day, quite a lot.

Begin Again

In 8 days, we're starting the Whole Life Challenge again.

It has been surprisingly difficult to keep up the habits in this "8 weeks off" period. I don't know if the creators of the challenge knew that it would be, and therefore knew they had a good business model on their hands, or not... but it's difficult. Bread and Bread-like things (flour tortillas, Hot Pockets!, muffins, granola bars) are just So. Easy. to Grab. Salads and compliant snacks, not so much. How I love walking (just 10 minutes!) and stretching (just 10 minutes!) every day. HOW IS IT that I haven't been doing it???

So weird.

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Guess what? It's time to buy a new car. I kinda figured I'd drive my Highlander until the wheels fell off, and that's practically what's happening. Yesterday I was quoted $4,300 to fix everything that is wrong with it. Yeah. It's 13 years old. I opted to only fix $1,200 of that total, in the hopes I could drive it a month more (or maybe two), while we do our research. But hey, a new car is something fun, right? And, there are Memorial Day Sales... maybe we can fool ourselves into thinking we're getting a deal. (Car prices are beyond Ridiculous.)

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Busy week, but we are so close to the end of the year that I refuse to stress about anything else. Hey, I have to brag: I lasted longer this schoolyear, with making lunchboxes the night before, than I've ever lasted before! I think it's only in the last month (2?) that I've gotten really bad about leaving it until the morning of. Go me! Thank God it's nearly over.

Tonight is the school play. Neither of my kids is involved but we're going, Kate and I, because we love The Theatre. ;) It's Beauty and the Beast, naturally, and no, we still haven't seen the live-action movie yet! This weekend is our least busy of May, actually. We have family plans to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and that's it. Cleaning House a bit, probably. I need to start buying some of the camp supplies the kids need. Sunscreen, shampoo, bug spray, etc. Maybe car shopping! And then Mother's Day, when I hope to 1) have coffee on the porch, 2) go to Mass, 3) go to brunch, and 4) take a nap/read. No Grocery Shopping on Mother's Day! I VOW to go Saturday night. VOW!



I love YOU, Mom -- hope you have a nice Sunday. I know you'll be on the road, but at least you're not driving! :) xoxoxoxo

Why Peter Pan Calls Capt. Hook a "Codfish"

Yesterday the seafood counter was out of tilapia. I know, I know, the Internet warns about how we should never be eating tilapia! But ...well, sometimes we do, anyway. Not last night. Instead I bought wild-caught cod for just $6.99/pound. (That was why.) You can't save fish, so if I buy it, usually we eat it on Sunday night.

For this, I baked it as I normally would, with butter/lemon/garlic. I didn't include any onions and wish I had, and I cooked it for less time on a higher temperature than I have in the past.... maybe these reasons are why it did not satisfy me in the slightest. The adjective I'd use, in fact, is "gross." The texture was weird, making me think, "Did I cook this long enough?" and the taste was totally fishy. Now I know why "codfish" is an insult. Blech. Next time I will get grouper or trout or something else. Salmon, I guess. (My kids love salmon! Finally! But I get tired of it and don't want to serve it every week.)

Speaking of every week, let's detail the menu, shall we?

Sunday -- Codfish. White rice. Broccoli. Thumbs down.

Monday -- Grandmother's Spicy Fried Chicken! Publix has not carried the box of frozen fried chicken in years. But guess what? Kroger had it. Made me hate Kroger a little less, yesterday. I am so excited for dinner tonight. Will also make fresh corn on the cob, because braces-less Alex can eat it now (carefully, with his permanent bottom retainer in place) and maybe green beans, too.

Tuesday -- Alex has a piano competition at 5:00, so I'm going to ask Shawn to heat up the pizza that I've got in the freezer. Woo-hoo!

Wednesday -- Broccoli-Cheese Soup. Kate saw it in my recipe book and was intrigued. However, Shawn's not a fan, and Alex won't be, either (cheese). So I'll also make a Tortilla soup (from a mix) that we like.

Thursday -- Out to eat! Mom and Dad arrive for the Art Show/Grandparents' Day and I can't wait! (To see them, not to eat out. But also, to eat out. Heh.)

Friday -- Not sure, but I might ask Mom to make brisket while I'm at work. ;) Hi, Mom! OR we might do something else easy.

Challenges (but not terrible ones)

I finally bought some drugstore readers for myself. I've been eyeing them (HAHA) for 6 months or more, but not willing to make the commitment. So far I don't love wearing them, except for looking studious. They do help a little, but they're also not perfect. They kind-of make my eyes hurt, after I take them off, and I definitely don't want to use them when reading on my Kindle. Interestingly. But this morning, writing in my morning journal, OH YES, they helped immensely. That is where my vision tends to feel really unfocused and fuzzy - when I'm writing by hand. Weird.

An update on the WLC -- I have NOT been keeping kosher! I mean, staying compliant. I have been eating cheese, and some bread, and definitely some sugar. I am NOT exercising or stretching every day, sadly. I don't know why not, since I discovered it's not difficult to do 10 minutes of each. I guess the January challenge didn't cure my laziness. Heh. Luckily so far, I'm not gaining the pounds back. But it makes me nervel-dervel. The plan was, during these 8 Off-Plan weeks, to stay on plan during the week, but relax on the weekends. What it's turning out to be, instead, is that I eat pretty well during the workday, then "relax" for dinner. We've had pasta and pizza and garlic toast, and I have indulged. I'll walk tonight - I always do, during gymnastics. I guess it's good I'm already signed up for the next challenge in May.

Not much update on work, except yesterday Shan had a 4-hour interview somewhere. She is definitely going to leave me; this was not her first interview set - she's been hitting the pavement pretty hard. I think she has a recruiter helping her. If she does leave, my only advocate will be in the U.K. -- I mean, a global-team advocate. I think the new U.S. Marketing Mgr. would fight to get me onto HIS team, to be a Marketing Assistant basically. (And still do all my other writing for the global team, I'm SURE.) I did get my resume updated, but haven't sent it anywhere yet and haven't uploaded it to LinkedIn. I still don't know that I want to stay in Marketing at all. Same tasks, different desk? Might not really help at all... though the absence of the constant drama/politics of THIS place would be welcome. Oh, I don't know. Grateful for the paycheck and the location. Grateful grateful grateful. I am able to be simply content. I don't have to be "professionally successful" to have a good life. But it does seem like, as long as I'm working, and as many hours as I put into it, I should at least get to enjoy it a LITTLE. Achieve something and be recognized. I do realize they don't call it "play," it's not supposed to be a party. Anyway, I'm very curious about what's next -- even, what's going to happen TODAY -- in my so-called career.

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Now for the (non-challenging) good stuff. Shawn and the kids. This week is our 16th wedding anniversary! The babysitter's coming on Friday night and I guess I need to make dinner reservations. It is crazy when we think that in 9 more years, both kids will be grown. It's a kind-of freedom to look forward to, obviously, but... it's just weird.  ...The other night (Saturday, maybe?) we played frisbee for a long time in the perfect spring evening weather, laughing, tripping, throwing some really good ones (the kids have improved a lot over the years!), and some really bad ones, and fearing the snake when we had to go hunting for the worst throws. (YEP, we saw a 6-foot-long Georgia King snake in our yard recently! He wasn't bothering anyone, just doing his thing. It was still pretty creepy.)   ...We're gearing up for summer; this past weekend Kate and I had fun at WalMart, buying cheap t-shirts she can get dirty at Winshape. Shopping's pretty fun with her now -- when she isn't being whiny about wanting something frivolous, which is always. Last night, for instance, we popped over to Target after dinner to grab a pencil sharpener and milk and a birthday gift for her friend. Essentials. ;) She was sweet and fun, "riding" on the grocery cart as she pushed it through the empty store aisles. ...Next week, Alex will play in his first National Guild Audition. It is all I can do NOT to try to help/teach him as he gets ready. I need to let his teacher do that job, and stay out of it. But, OH, I want to help him. If only he would practice phrases at a time, the hard ones, (like the 10,000 "frog jumps" we did in violin) instead of the entire song every time. If only he would sit straighter. Move the bench back. Curve the fingers. BUT I'm trying my best to keep quiet. He's doing really well.

Days off in abundance

2017 has been a really great year for days away from the office.

• In January there were 2 company holidays and 2 days of dangerous ice when I worked from home.
• In February I worked from home 2 half-days (I think), we had 2 days off for the funeral (not that we liked the reason), and I took a day and a half of PTO because of random school holidays. I also took a trip to Vegas for work and that was another 2 days out of the office.
• March had me home with Alex one day (him sick, me working), and working from home another time (I can't recall why)
• Then April, the first week was Spring Break, this week we get a company holiday tomorrow (Good Friday), and Monday the 17th the kids have off, so I'll work from home again! 

I'm liking it. Even having orthodontist appointments with Alex once a month hasn't been unpleasant, because usually it means working from home at least a half-day when it's my turn and not Shawn's (the ortho office is closer to home). Monday is the last one for a while -- he gets his braces off! I'm so excited to see his teeth again! He's excited to eat Starburst. ;)

I just wrote out a schedule for Carli (tentative), for summer babysitting. She said she's up for it again - and why wouldn't she be? It's easy money. "Come over, take our kids to the pool (I don't know why she doesn't swim herself, though), and hang out on our couch and we'll pay you." I love having her there and the kids love her, too. We'll see her today, in fact, for a half-day off school. Yes, they're nearly old enough to take care of themselves on a half-day, but I'm not quite ready for it, where Kate's concerned.

Only bad thing about taking last week off is that this week's been insanely busy at my computer. Lots of tasks to catch up on, and I can't seem to keep up with them. I should get off Blogger and back to writing -- an intro paragraph and a secondary copy block for a "Seasonal Brochure," harder than it sounds -- but before I go, these simple, yummy dinners have made me so happy this week:

Sunday - chili and cornbread

Monday - chicken teriyaki and fried rice

Tuesday - fettucine and creamy tomato sauce

Wednesday - tacos (Shawn cooked)

Tonight - Pizza soup (new one! never tried but sounds delicious)

Tomorrow night - cheese pizza of course! Good Friday sacrifice ;)

Intentions

I didn't really mean to stop writing here. But life. You know.

Since we last visited, the WLC has ended! I've posted on its website and in notes with Mom and Jill, that it was successful for me. But for posterity here: 10 lbs lost, 3 inches from my waist and 2 from my hips. And already (it ended on 3/18), after adding back IN a little bread here and there, I can tell when I eat it, from the belly bloat. Now, this was one thing I didn't really want to happen -- I don't want to NEVER be able to eat bread again... but on the other hand, it will likely keep me from eating much bread, and that's a good thing. I'm really hoping to maintain the 10-lb loss until the next challenge starts in May, and that will require some work. I took a break from exercise the first week after, and ate all the things I'd missed... and this week, I have been too puny to exercise. Fever, aches and chills. It's been unpleasant, even though those have been the only symptoms.

Next week is Spring Break. I presume we'll do a little walking around -- we're going to Nashville -- and maybe I can at least stretch, in the hotel room. We'll see about swimming (there's an indoor heated pool); I'm sure the kids would be up for that! And I'll want to enjoy the food in Music City! But THEN, I promise: Back to plan. (-ish.) ;)

Another thing I didn't intend to do: go to Confession the other night at church. I'd been asked to sing at the parish Penance service, and fully intended to leave right after my singing was done. But Kate wanted to come with me to the service (she likes the privilege of sitting in the choir loft when Mom sings), and as people started to line up, she asked, "Aren't you going to Confession?" She had been with her class, the week before. So what could I say?! In the end, I'm glad I did, as usual. It's comforting, after you get over the initial discomfort. I always get tearful. Our pastor is so kind and good, though. I loved having him pray over me, just me, and watching him hold the hands of everyone who came to him, if they wanted him to. I love the compassion of the priests - don't you imagine it's a bit of a burden, hearing all our shame and sinfulness, over and over? I bet it's tiring. And the place was packed. It's heartening to see that many people acknowledge their need for God's mercy and love. To know we're all in this together, we all feel bad about ourselves, and we're all loved and forgiven anyway. Already. (We do have one new-ish priest, however, and he kept this one lady in the chair for at least 15 minutes, I noticed. He was sermonizing the whole time - or so it appeared from a distance. Note to self: Don't go to Fr. Revak's line.)

Chocolate. Amen.

Today I had a craving for chocolate. I have had several great food days in a row, including my delicious lunch today of roasted potatoes and broccoli, some chicken breast, and chicken-sausage (yum!)… but for some reason, I could not stop wanting something sweet. And Lara bars were not going to do. Actually, I ate a square of the Lara bar I’ve had at my desk, Peanut Butter Cookie flavored. It didn’t help.

I’d been to Target to get a birthday card for Susan, and decided, “I’m a grown-up woman with 2 Indulgence points, and by gosh if I want chocolate, I’m going to have some!” So I bought a Ghirardelli dark bar. When I got back to work, I carefully opened the outer box and peeled open that whisper-thin gold foil. Then I glanced at the Nutrition label (habit, you know) – a serving size is 3 squares. I only broke off two – partly for symmetry (who breaks off three squares?) and partly because... if it wasn’t a whole serving, maybe I wouldn’t even count it as a deducted point! Total cheat, I know.

Next, I clicked over and re-read Leo Babauta’s The Art of Tasting Chocolate Mindfully, because I really wanted to enjoy this indulgence, and I love that post. I’ve read it many, many times before. You should too, if you haven't.

Well, what a treat. I snapped the bar. I inhaled deeply before ever going for it. Even the inhale was a treat! (I’ve been doing that a lot, and enjoying it, with the kids’ cookies, cinnamon rolls, etc. during this challenge.) It was the slowest I’ve ever eaten a square of chocolate. The only ‘flavor notes’ I tasted were a hint of marshmallow, and just the deep cocoa, but man, did I enjoy that square. After about 10 minutes I looked up and I hadn’t even eaten ¾ of it – I’d been breaking off small bites. To my surprise, I could barely finish it. I put the 2nd square back in the package. One was plenty, eaten slowly and after nearly 8 weeks without sugar  except from fruits or the occasional birthday dessert.

I’m just amazed. I used to go through 2 or 3 squares at a time at work, and wonder how they disappeared so fast!

Now We Are Nine

I clicked on my 'Kate' category early this morning and have found myself unable to stop reading. Today she turns nine. Right about now, in fact, 9:23 a.m. What a moment it was, her birth. We had no idea who/what was coming. ;)

I wrote in my gratitude journal: She completes us. Challenges us. Energizes us. Loves us. Tests us. And teaches us. I love that baby girl with all my heart. I pray again for guidance in teaching her. For calm. For wisdom. For patience and mercy. To pour out God's love on her, for her. To understand her better. To encourage her. To lift her up. 

I've been s l o w l y learning it all these nine years that it's me, not her. If *I* can control my reactions to her wild and creative and not-like-mine personality, if I can go slowly, then she'll probably follow suit. If I can't, if I let my expectations get in the way, or let my feelings get hurt, nothing works. Mothers and daughters. I never, never guessed it would be this hard. But I also never guessed a person could fill me so much, with her sparkle, her spunk, her silliness, her talent, her joy, and the weight of her sadness, when she feels it. My goodness, daughter. You're a gift and a blessing and part of God's mystery! No doubt about that.

Anyway, she opened her gifts this morning before getting dressed - her request - and seemed to love them all. A teal water bottle with a soft spout. The Little House on the Prairie box set (my heart!!). Some new clothes. A DVD ("Trolls"). New teal headphones. This weekend, we're having a big shopping day with her friend Ady Grace. Lunch at the Food Court, maybe pedicures, maybe a movie.

Today after school she'll go to choir practice, but then we'll feast on fettucine alfredo, and probably shrimp. Favorites for my favorite girl.

She's an artist.

She's a singer.

She's a good friend.

She's a character, a big personality.

She's persistent.

She's courageous.

She's smart.

She's fun to be around.

She's going to go far.

Highs and Lows

Oh, friends. Highs and lows this weekend, highs and lows. Our Nanny, Shawn's grandmother, passed away this morning after a few days' stay in the hospital. We're told she went in for stomach trouble and was dehydrated. Tests revealed both a hernia in her stomach (she would not let them operate) and kidneys that were beginning to fail. She was 90 years old and the dearest lady. I'm going to miss her, and I know that Shawn is grieving deeply, as they were very close, from the time he was a little boy. I'm so glad we were able to spend so many Memorial Day weekends with her over the years. Alex and Kate have known she was ill, and that this was likely. We'll talk with them tonight and determine our travel plans. It won't be an easy week. I prayed that Susan would make the long drive in time to see her on Saturday, and she did, praise God. She was able to be with her. I've been rolling the phrases "home-going" and "may the angels greet her" and "our sister in Christ" around in my head, knowing she's at rest and believing desperately in the heaven where we become our most perfect selves again, reunited with those who left ahead of us. I love to think of 19-year-old Bernice and Mack together again, with all their families and friends. Sometimes I think it's a strange thing to believe, don't you? I really do. How in the world (or, not in the world actually) could it be true? How does it work? But believe we do, and believe we must, and hope. I pray I'll be a useful granddaughter-in-law while we're there for the funeral, and that I will know how to best help and comfort, and hold it together myself. 

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Friday night, Alex performed in another piano solo festival, judged by the National Federation of Music Clubs' local chapters, and earned himself a 2nd Superior+ rating. He's been with this new piano teacher only 6 months and she's already done more for him than his previous 2 teachers combined. Of course, he immediately felt he didn't deserve it because he didn't play the songs perfectly. But over the weekend, I think he came to accept that the goal isn't perfection, and that his musicianship is what got him the gold star, not the individual notes. It made me wonder how I could possibly be part of the local Music Club. Is it only for music teachers? Or could a lowly church musician join/volunteer? That might be fun. Maybe I'll be brave and ask Alex's teacher. (I sure DO need one other thing in my schedule, haha.) At any rate, it was worth the drive across town on a Friday night in rush hour, to get him that win. 

Thaila's dying to get Kate, too, into piano lessons. For some reason, Kate is acting like she's unsure. I'll have to work on her. ;)

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Saturday we also did something fun. We met some of Kate's basketball teammates for lunch, and then attended a Kennesaw State Univ. women's basketball game. Really enjoyable time. The girls' season is over now (hooray! We have Saturday mornings back!), but this was a great way to cap it off. The KSU team gave autographs afterwards, and Kate immediately framed hers (a photo of the team) and has it on her dresser.

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And then, the Super Bowl. Gosh dangit. Atlanta sports, man. Always SO CLOSE.

Hahaha. Oh, dear.

Besides the negative feeling Every. Time. I. Turn. On. The. TV. or radio, we've got negative feelings swirling around the office again, big-time. Last week our much-loved Finance Manager resigned, and I just heard that our also-loved HR person is threatening to leave. Those events happened after a "town hall" meeting where our dear but bereft General Manager tried to tell us that yes, we've been in a funk, but the time to get out of the funk is NOW.

Guess what? No one's gotten out of the funk. Nice try, mister.

Meanwhile, the suits from the Motherland are here this week. I haven't received my 2016 bonus. (Maybe I've been enrolled in the Jelly of the Month club?) My manager (who also hasn't) said she "has a gut feeling" that something's afoot. She advised resume revisions for the both of us.

Just lovely.

Worse, though, is the ABSENCE of any interesting-looking jobs on the job boards. I use Glassdoor, LinkedIn, and have daily email alerts set up with more than one service... and just don't see anything that makes my heart flutter. One or two things, maybe, but I'm afraid to apply to them because they're located downtown, and I really really really don't want to add that interstate commute back to my life. That's the main thing. Remember I said? The reason I think God put me HERE, is the location. I am hesitant to give that up, even if it means not leaving this terrible, terrible company. That's crazy! But it's my truth right now. I don't know which companies in Cobb County (northwest Cobb if I'm being picky, which I am) would actually hire a writer.

And part of me doesn't even want to be in Marketing anymore, which makes this a career-change job search, which is a lot harder. Especially when you don't know what you're changing TO. hahahahahaha. Oh, dear.

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In other news, the Whole Life Challenge is going so well so far. Giving up bread and cheese hasn't been as hard as I thought. I mean, it's hard, yes, but there are enough good things we can eat, like bacon, salsa, avocados, even rice to an extent, that I don't feel totally deprived. And I just LOVE that there's no COUNTING of calories burned, or calories eaten. Just eat, if you're hungry. Approved foods. It's such a relief to not have to count out how many nuts/quinoa crackers/tablespoons of something. Of course, you're not supposed to go overboard, but it's just not that hard.

I posted this on the challenge, but want to record here that I already feel much less bloated and, well, fat. I was really feeling FAT after Christmas. I'm feeling less so now. Yesterday I wore some pants I have been relying on as comfortable ("fat pants"), and now they feel too loose. I weighed myself today and it appears I've lost 2 pounds in this first week, but of course "weight loss is just a nice side effect" on this plan - it isn't supposed to be about that. ;) (It totally IS about that.) My knees hurt less, when I get out of bed or go up and down stairs.

Today I did a Core/Abs workout (only 10 minutes, as required), and man, it got my heart rate up, too! Felt good, and I'm going to feel SORE tomorrow, I can already tell. That's what I want.

Please nobody comment on the word "fat." It's just a word, it's in my head, I know I'm not actually FAT but, you know. The negative voices in my head have used that word. I'm working on "healthy" and "better" and "toned" and "marvelous." :)

Dinners this week include:
- Grilled chicken wings, which were delicious but my house STILL smells like smoke. I'm surprised the smoke alarm didn't go off Sunday night. With celery and carrots, and spanish rice from a packet for Shawn and the kids.

- Turkey Chili. Family staple. Yum, yum. No saltines.

- Tilapia. Think I'm going to use this recipe, though I don't have tomatoes or green onions. Maybe heat up some rolls for the rest of them.

- Smoked sausage (chicken sausage for me), mac and cheese (not for me), and salad or broccoli. Easy night.

- Some type of baked chicken breast. I can't remember what I wrote down at home. Maybe chicken parm? So I'd make one without cheese, for me. See? This diet isn't that hard, even with a family to feed.