So, the thing with work that was chapping my hide late last week? Kinda puffed up into a big, festering mess yesterday, and then un-puffed again and mostly went away. But right during the puffiest part, I panicked again.
I don't know why I react so violently to client conflict. I guess it's just because I simply h-h-h-a-a-t-t-e confrontation in my personal life; I work to avoid it. Probably to a dangerous level: I can pout silently until I'm about to explode with anger, just waiting for the risk of conflict to subside. So when my work demands that I meet conflict head-on -- to the point of forwarding all calls to my cell phone so I can't even let the difficult ones go into Voice Mail and call back when I'm ready! -- all in the name of Customer Service, I guess that bugs me.
Conflict exhausts my psyche. It frays my nerves. Further aggravated yesterday by the fact that I was at home and AJ had gotten into the CDs while I was on the phone, but since it was a client, I couldn't exactly pause to say, "No-No, honey."
There's a disconnect here.
I am not able to be fully present for my clients (ugh, what a sick thought that I even want to), nor, more important by far, be fully present for my son.
I have been distressed about it, thinking this was the end of the line and there was no option but to go back to the office 5 full days a week. But my logical Husband suggested a compromise. Why not continue working 2 days/week at home, but put AJ in daycare anyway -- just finish my work fast enough that I can pick him up at, say, 2:30 or 3 on those days. That just might work. Full investiture in work, during work, and full attention to AJ when work is done. I kind-of knew that by the time he reached this age, the work-from-home arrangement was going to need tweaking. So, there we are. I'm considering it.
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