August

I can't even begin to know the right way to blog about the past 7 days. Funny, it seems like so much longer than that. Extreme heart highs and lows will stretch and bruise a week like putty, I guess, and I've soaked up plenty of both ends of the spectrum.

My husband's grandfather passed away Friday evening in Tennessee. I was in New Hampshire with my friends. By strange miracle, Shawn had decided not to be with me there. God absolutely directed him to go to Grandad, shouted it in whispers, and thankfully he listened to that call. There is peace abundant in such a small decision, and renewed faith, as well -- the Father truly guides and leads us. There is also, appropriately but ironically, a renewed wish for us to BE WITH each other, more. Shawn said when it happened, all he wanted was to be with me, to be better with me. The decision to separate for a few days knitted us ever closer together. He said that Grandad and Nan's commitment in their 61-year marriage was so evident in those last few days.... even the last year, where she's cared for him so steadfastly..... I have to stop here, I get overwhelmed at the thought that I -- my marriage -- should be the beneficiary of another person's loss.... I've felt more connected to my husband since this happened than in a long time. He's been exceptionally tender toward me. It's a profound, undeserved gift. I'm so sorry for them, for Shawn. Death is such a hard part of life. But it is part, nonetheless.

I'll have to tell you another time about beautiful Lake Winnipesauke in August.