No NO, Mama.

I had to take down my previous post. (For anyone who read it before its mysterious disappearance, my friend DID feel really bad - so bad she almost shed tears once she realized - and it made ME feel bad. So. Lesson learned. No-NO.)

--------------

KT is learning words at amazing pace. I love the stage when Mama and Dada can bascially have a real conversation with a baby, but anyone looking in from the outside can't understand a word.

KT: Where's my paci, mama? (Ba-pah?)

el-e-e: It's right there, Baby, can you get it? GOOD!

KT: Guh!! Ba-pah!

KT: I'm hungry. Can I eat something? Like a big cup of milk? (Eeee? Bah-bah?)

el-e-e: Want your bottle? Okay.

KT: Awesome! I love that bottle, Mom! (Bah-bah! Bah-bah!)

you: How are you getting any of this?!

I'm loving the sign language, too. The other day she surprised me with "Please." They're learning these things in school, as well as us teaching her the basic ones at home. It's adorable. She puts her whole heart and soul into "More." She'll put down her sippy cup, carefully point her fingertips toward each other, and say, "I love these cookies! May I have another mouthful?" ("Moe?")

The other one she's learned well at school is "No." Or specifically, "No NO." Emphasis on the 2nd "no." She tells the dog "no" all the time, words and sign together. Yesterday I saw her looking at him disdainfully, wagging her arm up and down.

It is so cute. That's about all I've got for today!

In the cool of night

I have been going to the grocery store at night, after the kids' bedtime, for about a year now; it's become mostly the norm around here, the only good time to do it efficiently, without "helpers" and with time to think it through. Sometimes DH does it, which I also appreciate very much.

But for me, the best part is that on nights like tonight, when the sun goes down and allows cool night air to breeze into Georgia, I get a few quiet minutes in the car, with the windows down. I drive slowly. It's less than a mile to, and from, the store.

Cool night air, a little drive, alone. I am thankful for those minutes.

First thing in the morning

I come in to my desk, Starbucks in hand, ready to greet the rainy day with a SIGH and a pep talk to myself -- "Okay now, this can be a productive, nice day..." -- trying to gear up, you know, instead of being grumbly... and Yatt is next door telling her cubemate all about the history of her bladder infections. First thing in the morning. She got up to pee, and then, not one minute later, she had to pee again, and she thought, "This is a bladder infection." I'm sorry, but GROSS. I don't want to hear about that. Seriously. I'm sorry boutcha, but gah. Of course she uses some herbal remedy that is wwwwwwuuuuunnderful, because she is so smart.

I have a pair of yellow earplugs at my desk that I employ frequently.

----------------------

I woke up this morning at 5:30 thinking of work. Remember a filing system that we used to use at my old job, and that I had intended to put it in place here. That stupid work-thought wouldn't let me even wait the 6 minutes until my alarm went off.

----------------------

I have decided that DH and I deserve, and need, a cleaning service. Not this week, maybe not for a few months until we take care of some other financial things (BTW, we just paid off our 2004 Highlander. Woo! Now if the old one can only last another year, we can really make some headway in our checkbook balance). But sometime this year, I think we should explore hiring someone to do the vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms and kitchen once a week, or maybe every other week. I am documenting that thought here. DH is even on board with it. I believe it would not only help our cleanliness, but also our relationship. I think we both stress about the house not being clean, and it really wears on us. Isn't that weird? That a little dust and dog hair can take its toll on a marraige? But I really think it can, and does for a lot of couples in different ways. I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure out a possible solution for us. I'm anxious to start price shopping. Where do I do that? Craigslist? Does anyone use a house cleaning service regularly? Please advise. :)

Pre-holiday weekend, Pre-K graduation

This morning Yatt is talking about POLITICS. She seems to be slightly opinionated. She presumes, I think, that all her cube-mates share her views. And maybe they do... but maybe I don't. Guess no one ever told her that talking politics is not what we do in POLITE COMPANY or PROFESSIONAL SETTINGS. Also -- Harry Potter! Oh Noes!! It turns out that one of the things that bugs me the MOST about Yatt is that she and I share an interest in certain topics. iMacs, Steve Wozniak, for example, and now HP, too?? Is it because she's the polar opposite but EXACT SAME as me that I dislike her so much?? Am I pointing a mirror at MYSELF? ohhh, too much psychobabble for a Friday morning and holiday weekend.

Hello, how are you? I've been swamped this week, I guess, or more than that, uninterested in sharing what I have in my brain. But last night we went to Pre-K graduation and it warmed my little heart. I mean, just look at this:



Kills you dead, right? DEAD. CUTE. And he got the certificate for Best Reader. :) I knew that's what he'd get. He IS the best reader EVAR. *mom pride* *preening*

What upsets me is the anticipation of having to go through this whole "graduation" thing again 3 more times before we're out of high school. I know they'll have Kindergarten graduation, further proving (like we don't already know) that the bay-bees are growing UP!!! ...and then 8th grade graduation, THEN a real graduation from high school! Crazy. I only feel worse for MY parents, who had to do 6th grade and THEN 8th grade, because we moved to a new town in between the two. (Although they didn't have to endure the little kid versions. I think those MUST be the hardest. Well, no, I take it back -- high school graduation will probably be AWFULLY HARD as they'll (hopefully) be leaving the NEST, zOMG... we can't even think about that yet.)

New Topic!! We're going to (great) grandma's house! Leaving tonight or tomorrow, I can't decide and it's been left up to me. It depends on whether I can get all my laundry done, and then packed, before 5 pm today. I'll leave work early today, attend Kindergarten Orientation (how neatly that lined up!), then take the kids home and attempt to wash, fold, and pack everything up while they destroy the place. Then we'll sic them on Nanny's house and they'll likely destroy IT, too! I tell you what, we leave a TRAIL wherever we go these days. There are always THINGS -- toys, shoes, fridge magnets -- decorating the floor at our house. ALWAYS. Here's an example -- don't mind the adorable moment in the foreground, I'm uploading this to show you the MAYHEM behind them:



And that's nothing -- you should see the kitchen. Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

Trader Tuesday - Kung Fu Panda Noodle Bowl

Tried a new recipe last night that I had seen in Southern Living. Of course, I didn't have all the right ingredients so I substituted and modified, actions my husband usually fears. Last night it turned out pretty good, though. We told AJ we were eating "Noodle Bowls, just like on Kung Fu Panda." So that's what I'm naming the recipe. It was SUPER-EASY since I had cooked the chicken a couple days ahead of time.

KUNG-FU PANDA NOODLE BOWLS
(serves 2)

Chicken:
2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, thawed
1/4 cup-ish Teriyaki marinade
several shakes of the bottle of light soy sauce
2 tbsp olive oil

Marinate chicken breasts in a ziploc bag with Teriyaki and soy, for 30 minutes or several hours in the fridge. When you're ready to cook them, sautee chicken and marinade in olive oil on medium-high heat. The sugar in the sauces puts a lovely brown coating on the chicken. (Somehow I managed to cook it long enough without going too long.) Slice. There will be PLENTY of chicken for your noodle bowls, and probably enough for a salad the next day, too.

Noodle Bowl:
2 pkgs Oriental-flavored Ramen noodles
2-4 Tbsp chopped cilantro
2-4 Tbsp chopped green onion (or substitute white onion like I did)
1 cup sugar snap peas (or sub fresh broccoli like I did)
chopped peanuts

In a large saucepan, combine 4 cups water, 2 flavor packets from the Ramen noodles, cilantro, and onions, and bring to a boil. Add noodles, and snap peas if using. Boil another 3 minutes. (If using broccoli, sautee/steam it in a bit of water, soy sauce and teriyaki).

Assemble noodle bowls with noodles, broth, broccoli then chicken. Garnish with chopped peanuts (we even subbed honey-roasted, because that's what we had).

This was yummy and felt virtuous. The cilantro came through sometimes but didn't overwhelm. It's definitely going in my rotation. Thank you, Southern Living!

7 Quick Takes Friday

1-- I think I'm fully conditioned to the demands of my job, finally. Know how I know? I'm back to my normal amount of (too much) time reading blogs. Ha! And, hooray!! It was awful when I felt so overwhelmed that even 10 minutes in the morning was too indulgent/guilt-inducing!

2-- I know you're disappointed, but my friend Yatt has been mostly out of the office this week. I think she was sick. Unfortunate. Your entertainment will just have to wait.

3-- I read a whole book last weekend. It was "Happens Every Day" by Isabel Gillies, which I thought was going to be a good book to review for my job (we recommend books to our audience of women). It's not a good recommendation, though. We try to showcase uplifting or informative books. This book was interesting -- I definitely dove into it and ignored my children to flip its pages last Saturday -- but uplifting? No. It's about a divorce-in-progress. I was mad at the main character because she never lambasted her jerk husband the way she should have. ANYWAY, I'm back into reading books, too, I think. This weekend I'll be reading three if I can manage! I just started "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch; Book Club's next selection is "Edgar Sawtelle," which I'm anxious to buy, maybe today; and I need to read "Nordie's at Noon" for work. I think all three are going to be awesome. ALSO on my list for the next month or so: some of the great books I got for Christmas, and one that SDW lent me AGES ago! I have big dreams of 28-hour days, apparently. Buth hooray for reading!

4-- My very LEAST favorite part of being a grown-up is managing health insurance plans. First-world whine, I know, and even in the U.S., so many people don't even have insurance, or have red-tape Medicare/caid... I really shouldn't complain. But because we both work, we're always having to compare plans (see, one-working-parent-families? Betcha didn't think of that bonus - no analytic work for insurance, just fill out the forms of your one option!). Currently we're all on DH's insurance. But I'm now eligible for my company's plan. Naturally, Open Enrollment is not conveniently scheduled at the same time of year for both companies, so the problem becomes: Do we switch in the middle of the year? I feel like we're always on new insurance anyway lately, with the way businesses are having to renegotiate rates every year because health care's so expensive. But all the COMPARING of PLANS. GAH. HAAAAAAATE. I'm apt do the easy/lazy thing and just stick with what we have, and not even investigate which plan is the most cost-efficient for us. (That loud THUD you just heard is my Dad falling out of his chair in dismay... sorry, Dad.)

5-- This is a Trader Tuesday item but I can't wait 'til then. I have a low-fat trick for great-tasting green beans (canned of course). Simmer them with 1 cube of bouillon. To me, they taste every bit as rich as when you cook them with butter and S&P. But -- no fat! Does everyone know that or is it just my genius mother?

6-- 138 today and I have been hungry a lot this week. But I'll take the loss!

7-- Does anyone else like Chadwick's? I do, but their prices seem higher than they used to be. I mean, $29.99 for a blouse (sleeveless, no less)? That feels to me like a Talbot's price, not a Chadwick's price. Disappointing.


More Quick Takes here. Happy weekend!

Prophecy

I posted yesterday about Julia simply because I hadn't read her in a while, and when I took the 10 minutes to do so, I was happily reminded how awesome she is. That sentence in particular made me laugh out loud.

AND THEN KT WAS AWAKE FROM 11:51 LAST NIGHT UNTIL 2:00 AM AND I THINK IT WAS BECAUSE SHE HAS MORE TEETH COMING IN.

So now evolution and intelligent design also owe ME an apology, because my alarm goes off at 5:40.

ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

A snippet from Julia

I state now for the record: the process whereby baby humans acquire teeth is seriously flawed and as far as I am concerned both evolution and intelligent design owe me a written apology. --Julia L.

She's bar none the best sentence-put-togetherer on the planet, as far as I'm concerned.

In lieu of a good mood

I've been grumpy (stupid pms) the last 2 days. For no good reason. SO instead of wallowing in wordy, whiny words here, which is what I was dying to do a while ago, let's post something cheery.

Like a SWIMSUIT GIVEAWAY! Go and enter and you can win a Lands' End swuimsuit. For FREE. Then wear it at the beach or the pool with sunscreen and a cute floppy hat!

Now, THAT's a good mood.

Thanks to Nicole for letting me know about it!

More about Biggest Loser

I can't say enough about how this show inspires people. Most of this season's contestants were previously inspired by watching the show, and that's fantastic. I think it's a service NBC is providing to Americans, for sure. (I know that on Wednesdays, I'm guilted into working out after spending two hours watching every Tuesday! Sometimes I even lift hand weights while watching, I'm so guilted!) And I'm always glad that they show the doctors and ensure that everything they're doing is safe and medically sound. Basically the contestants are taken from couch potatoes to professional athletes in just a few months, for those of you who don't watch.

So, I know it's about the drama, and that the contestants are obese, not just a little overweight, and it's the visual impact of the stunning before and after photos that makes the show so compelling. But I wish they'd spend some time emphasizing that not everyone has to have such dramatic results like these. They need to remind the average couch potato that just taking a walk every day will HELP THEM, will improve their health and lengthen their lives. It's not just about being skinny. And that most of us won't have 6 hours a day dedicated to working out -- and SHOULDN'T, unless we're medically supervised.

I haven't done a lot of looking around on the BL website, but I hope they have sensible advice for regular people. I'm sure they do. I just wish they'd say those things on the show a little more.

An update on my own "weight removal journey" -- I saw that recently and thought it was great. If it's a "weight loss," there's the possibility of finding it again! "weight removal" seems more permanent -- Anyway, I am 7 pounds away from my weight goal. And I can TOTALLY remove another 7 pounds. I haven't been logging calories in a long time. And I haven't been doing cardio as regularly as I should. BUT if I start this week and really try to lose 1 pound per week, I can do it by Beach Week. Wouldn't that be awesome?! Isn't this the looooonnnnngest stupid 15-pound weight-loss-journey that ever WAS??

-----------------------

Yatt's BAYBEE is in da house!! (I will reluctantly admit that she's a pretty cute baby, AND I'm slightly jealous because she is named "M e gan," which is a name I love but DH wouldn't let me use. On the other hand, now I have a reason to like the name slightly less.)

Note 1 and Note 2

I go to bed every night completely and utterly exhausted. So much that I usually miss getting to kiss my hubby goodnight, even. I sort-of hate that. And I can't decide if it's because I'm Living! Life! To the Fullest! or if I'm just not Getting! Enough! Exercise!

Speaking of exercise, Biggest Loser! I'm a total sucker for the before and after pictures, I guess, but MAN, do I love that show. Amazing people. I'm voting for Mike if I can get on the site today. I was excited to see him wearing a Something Catholic High School sweatshirt on last night's episode. They're that awesome and Catholic, too? Nice. I have more comentary on the show but will save it 'til tomorrow. Note 1 has gotten awfully long.

--------------------------

Yatt's topic of the day: Istanbul (used to be Constantinople) -- because no one but Yatt has ever heard the song by TMBG.

Just saying

Nothing to SAYYYY, nothing to SAYYYY, I have exactly NOTHING TO SAAAAAAAY! (So I'm singing.)

Of course that isn't true; I guess I have plenty to say, or that is what a friend of the family indicated this weekend when he said he had NOTHING to say in a BLOG, and he doesn't know why anyone would want to maintain one of those BLOGS for heaven's sake, ugh. Or to that effect. Well, pish posh, family friend, no soup for YOU! Hee hee. I am only kidding, it is funny to hear the older generation (for that is what he is) trying to understand our LANGUAGE. Our MEDIA. I'm sure his parents and their friends pooh-pooh'd sitting and watching those crazy television sets with comments like "I don't know why ANYONE would want to do that." Heh, heh. How do you like me NOW?? Oh well. I didn't think I cared one whit about that comment but evidently I did. LOL.

I have to tell you guys something that will NOT fall under the "Kindblog" badge, and I'm very sorry about that. But I have to get this OUT! It's killing me. I have a cube-neighbor -- actually she's at least 3 cubes over but she is SO LOUD that she feels like she's right next door -- and she is An Expert On Everything. Have you ever known someone like that? OH HOLY HELL. It is so obnoxious. Since I came here in February, she has pontificated on no less than all of these topics, usually more than once a day:

• Twitter


• iPods


• iPhones


• DSL versus the Dish


• House Cleaning (I think she owns a business)


• MOTHERHOOD - lord help me, she has a 7-month old and guess what else? She's the only person ever on EARTH to have had a BAY-BEE. Did you know bay-bees babble? And coo? They sure do. Hers more than most.


• Steve Wozniak


• Mac computers


• Elmo


• The Honda Fit (recently bought one)


• Menses (there's an app for that)


• Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

I am so not even kidding you. It's like she actively chooses the topic for the day and then tells everyone in her line of vision how much she Knows. I have to start giving you a daily update. Yatt's topic of the day (not her real name). The Reese's discussion was yesterday: someone brought in the white chocolate version of mini-Reese's to share. You or I would say, 'Oooh, chocolate! Thanks!" The end. This woman went into a 10-minute discussion of why she likes the PEANUT BUTTER part of the Reese's, and the chocolate part is immaterial slash ineffective in overpowering the peanut butter part. That's why SHE eats them, the peanut butter. And she feels the white chocolate DOES overpower the p.b. so that's why she doesn't like them.

AS I TYPE she is telling her teammates that she records the first day of her period using an app on her iPhone. I SWEAR TO GOSH she is.

Oh! Oh! She also walks around her area BAREFOOT.

You guys are going to love her.

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. And the winner is...


bessieviola!

Whom I adore, and not JUST because she told me I'm great. ;) bessie vee, email me thrash428 at yahoo dot com with your address and I will hook you up with some swag! :) I didn't state any rules of the Pay It Forward, like the winner has to host one of their own. Not required, fyi. This is just something fun for me.

2. I stopped yesterday morning at Dunkin' Donuts and bought myself an everything bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. YUM. I haven't had a bagel in ages -- I stopped allowing myself to eat them. There was a time, years ago, when I put on about 15 pounds, and I think bagels were to blame. I stopped at Einsteins at least twice a week back then. This is what happens when you're single and have income to burn. Anyway, yesterday's bagel, I thought, did not sit well with me. I felt queasy and weak all day. Didn't eat lunch, didn't eat much dinner. Blegh. Turns out AJ was experiencing the same at school (minus the bagel). Apparently he layed around most of the day at school, didn't want to participate, didn't want to eat "special snack" which was ice cream and strawberries. Definitely not normal. So now I'm wondering what bug we have. He felt well enough to go to school today (didn't want to miss show n tell or Friday movies) but we'll see. I'm drinking Rasberry Zinger tea. You KNOW I must not feel good. Tea?! WTH. I am a coffee person. But it just didn't sound that great today.

3. I miss you. I miss blogging. I would like to put a lot more into this blog. Have I said that before?

4. This Saturday, DH and I have a Date Night planned. WOO! Celebrating our anniversary next Tuesday. Eight years of wedded bliss! We're going out to dinner here, perhaps, or here, and after that we're not sure what we'll do. Maybe a movie? What do people do on dates anymore? ;) I kinda want to see that Disney movie "earth." Or The Soloist. Or State of Play.

5. One week from today I'll be packing up and headed to Pensacola for a whirlwind weekend! There's a family wedding. It's going to be fun. Tiring, I bet, but great to see everyone. It will really get me pumped for our beach week family reunion in June! OH MAN, I CAN'T WAIT. BABYSITTERS and a BEACH.

6. Mandy asked a while back about what it is I do at my (still feels) new job. Yesterday was my 2-month-iversary here! I do a lot. Everyone here does, in fact. I think that the marketing team -- 5 people -- does the work of about 10 people. Economy, you know. But here's the scoop. I am the E-business and PR Coordinator for this [link removed - anonymity baby!] company. I manage content for that website, as well as 2 other sites. Yesterday I talked to a consultant about adding a blogging platform, which I think is sorely needed. I'd be psyched if that were to become one of my main duties. :) I am also editor of our magazine which comes out twice a year. My first issue is due out in June. I do some writing, some editing, and some ad sales. I also manage our e-newsletters. (See what I mean about too many jobs?) I'm also supposed to manage our press releases and media opportunities. I don't particularly enjoy that part of it.

7. AJ was accepted to our parish school, did I tell you? I'm excited about August. Uniforms! New back pack! Lunch box! It is going to be so fun. Also, next month is the first of many graduation ceremonies he'll experience -- PreK Graduation. It's cute to hear him pronounce "graduation." He's so careful about it. A word he doesn't really understand, that makes his mommy's heart burst in so many ways.

Visit Jen for more Quick Takes! Happy weekend, friends!

How to play Powerful Dinosaurs

by AJ

"Okay. Our team is Leader, Steggo, Skeleton Dinosaur, and Protocera...tosaurus. Those are our team. If we ever want to change our team, one of our dinosaurs has to get dead. And then we pick a new one. Or, I can review a dinosaur to make him not dead anymore and he can come back." (ed. note: where 'review' must equal 'revive,' hee.)

"Now, who are we going to destroy? There's Mannoth (Mammoth) over there. His power is to STOMP the other dinosaurs and he can freeze them with his ice mouth. But Leader has an ice mouth AND laser-fire-shooting eyes, so he can defeat Mannoth by burning Mannoth's ice. So first, Mommy, you take Steggo and Skeleton. Steggo will puuullll Mannoth out of the green box with his swish-shwang tail, and then Leader will PEERRRRSSHSSHH! him with his laser eyes. And then freeze him with the ice mouth. And you shoot Steggo's laser spikes too. Then Skeleton will scare him away and he'll run, "Ahhhhhhhhhh!" back to his home, and then Protoceratosaurus will tie him up with his rope tail like this."

"Also, if we need to datavate our team I will datavate them."

(no idea but that word has been in my head for three days)

Mannoth (AJ): RAWWRR! I am Mannoth and you don't want none of ME!!!

Leader (also AJ): WHO IS THAT GUY RIDING ON YOUR BACK?

Guy on back (AJ): I AM BR...ANNISH. I AM A HUMAN AND I HAVE SUPERPOWERSPEERSHEWWWW! KPLEWWWWSHHH! KPOWWWGSSH!

Skeleton (Mommy): ROAR! We're going to DEFEAT YOU, BRANNISH!"

(AJ): No, Mommy, you have to use a DINOSAUR voice, not your regular voice. *eyeroll* Like this: RAAAAOOORRRRRRRRGgGGGRRRRrR!!

(Mommy): *sigh* WE ARE THE POWERFUL DINOSAURS RAAAAOOORRRRRRRRGgGGGRRRRrR!

Underwhelmed!

Four people want to win a prize? I'm OBVS not doing Web 2.0 correctly, not linking my Twitter and my blog and my Facebook page and blagh de blah to increase traffic. Pesky, long-ago-ended anonymity. (I still don't need all my high school acquaintances and work colleagues reading the blog, though.)

Aside: I have a work phone call with a consultant later this week, who wants to sell my company his blogging service/SEO strategy. He's going to try to convince me that blogs improve search engine placement and increase website traffic. REALLY??? WOW, that's FASCINATING. I can't wait to tell him I've been blogging for FIVE YEARS and I already know everything there is to know about it. Heh.

Anyway, because I am nice, I'm going to extend the contest until Wednesday. Tell your friends! Leave another comment and increase your chances (which are already PRETTY DAMN GOOD)!

Pay It Forward time! Summer Camp edition

I promised you guys a giveaway and I'm just dying to go stand in line at the Post Office, so let's go!

If you want to win
-- some pampery items from Avon (KT's teacher just started selling it and I love her, and want to help her out)
-- some goodies from our favorite, Target
-- some cookies from the Byrd Cookie Company in Savannah
-- and whatever else strikes my fancy

leave a comment on this post by Sunday, April 19, at 10:00 pm. Tell me what your summer child care slash "summer camp" plans are. If you don't have kids, tell me about YOUR childhood summers.

I'm interested because this year, we'll enroll AJ in our daycare's "camp" for the first time -- he'll be going on field trips nearly every day. We also have a week between that and the first day of Kindergarten... I think I'll be asking a set of grandparents to visit! (hint, hint, Mom.) DH used to spend summers with his grandparents. Any of you do that, or send your kids to do that? I think it's such an idyllic-sounding thing to have in your childhood memory bank. You'd think so too, if you'd been to his grandparents' house in the mountains in Virginia. Anyway, I'm thinking about the topic.

I'll do the random number generator thing and send someone a PRIZE!

Just for the heck of it!

And then... ham saves the day

Of course after posting that WEE bit of PMS stress yesterday (well, PMS and being a normal mom of a 4-year-old), last night I served a kid-friendly dinner (ham, pineapple chunks from a can, and the hallowed Kraft Mac-n-Cheese), he ate it right up, pottied all by himself, and basically made me feel like crap for all the stuff I said.

Of course.

I should note that EVERY night, I serve AJ a kid-friendly dinner. We never eat tofu or quinoa at my house, is what I'm saying. "Fancy" is Uncle Ben's MUSHROOM flavor instead of regular. LOL.

But DH hates ham, naturally. And he can't eat pineapple (too acidic) and he grew up on homemade Mac-n-cheese, not boxed. Sorry, honey.

Still with the mealtime angst

Can I just say this, one time, (loudly), without offending everyone...?

JEEZUS.

April 15, 2009: I am so frakking tired of dinnertime. All of it, frankly. Thinking of what to make, scouring the pantry so I won't have to go grocery shopping for a thrid time this week,* wishing I could just play with KT who won't be put down/ignored at that fateful hour of the day, trying to get it all timed just right to be on the table together (The Drinks! I forgot the Drinksaggggh!), hearing "What are we having?" and the subsequent, "This smells... gross" from the Four-Year-Old Who Never Eats... and the Four-Year-Old, himself. I am TIRED from him.

We try SO hard not to fuss over him (i.e., give him what he wants, i.e. attention) during the meal. He gets up to go to the bathroom, we let him.** He talks and doesn't eat, fine. He doesn't want peaches? No biggie, leave them on your plate.

But it's always something. Last night it was "I can't pull my chair close to the table by myself!! Waaaa!! I want to be a BIG BOY." Wouldn't accept help, don'tchaknow. And thus he spiraled into a whole night of stupidity/tantrums. I never post about him when he has a great week, and I'm sorry for that; he DOES have great weeks. Had one recently, in fact. And so we rewarded him with a trip to the Toy Aisle (he 'needed' more action figures, hee). And then he responded to that with one of the worst Saturdays ever (seems every time he gets a 'reward' it backfires on us), complete with Time Outs and me screaming. I really DON'T like to scream, I prefer the calm, "I'm disappointed" tone, but sometimes it just doesn't get the job done...

OH, forget it. It's working me up just rehashing it. Lather, rinse, repeat... It's just that yesterday he told me he didn't eat lunch at school, and then of course he didn't eat dinner due to his chair, and during the ensuing tantrum he was screaming, "MOMMY!!! I'M STARRRRVING!!! FEEEEEED ME!!" which of course tears right into your biological need to feed your child, even when you KNOW you're being MANIPULATED, GOODLORD... so I absolutely refused and sent him to bed huuuuuungry. I know he needed to be sent to bed hungry. I even TOLD him probably every kid in the world has been sent to bed hungry and learned the hard way to eat their dinner (and their mommies and daddies still love them) but I did NOT appreciate his behavior, and blaaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and then I died the end.



*We pretty much grocery shop twice a week SOLELY to keep up with KT's milk habit! Girl is a JUNKIE! She goes through a gallon in, like, 2 days! (And yet, she still poops just fine, it's pretty amazing. She does love her veggies, too, which helps.)

**Speaking of poop, we fight about that at dinnertime, too -- about me wiping him. He's FOUR and a HALF!! He SO needs to be handling that himself. And he CAN (we've witnessed it), he just doesn't want to. He's MANIPULATING ME and it's pissing (ha) me off.

Confidence

I have three associates -- two are very new acquaintances -- who share a similar personality that I covet. I mean, I LIKE my personality -- I answer "yes" on quizzes with the question "If you weren't you, would you be friends with yourself?" But there are certain traits I really wish I had.

Whatever it is that makes a person great for sales jobs is what I'm talking about. It's a specific kind of confidence and poise. The ability to sound like you know what you're talking about, even if you've only skimmed the reading material. The charm to offer that firm handshake and make a friend, no matter who the other hand belongs to. The hip-factor to quote movies, or make little pop-culturey gestures or references that are RIGHT NOW, current (as opposed to the late '90s references that I can recall from college). Heh.

I think I have some measure of poise, but it's not accompanied by confidence. I can't figure why. I did well in school my whole life, did some ACTing(!) in high school, went through the sorority process both in college and after, was somewhat of a "leader" of groups and clubs, am a successful working mom juggling "it all"... but still don't feel what I want to feel.

It's not a self-esteem thing. I don't feel "inadequate." On the contrary. I feel like I AM adequate, I SHOULD be able to play that smart, sassy, confident role. But I don't, especially not when I first meet you. I play reserved and cautious. "Don't try too hard and come off sounding like an idiot. Don't say too much." I worry about every comment I make; wonder what should I have said instead.

Is that what they teach you at Toastmasters? The confidence I'm talking about?

My former boss had asked me several times if I'd be interested in a sales position, and I always knew somehow that I wasn't suited for it. The past few weeks, meeting more of this type of woman -- great women, I mean to say -- I've figured out why.

Just an observation, not something I'm worried over.

Master of the obvious

Maybe I've said this before. MAN, sometimes this parenting thing is just work. I mean, physical labor. Ya know? We took them to Chili's tonight for dinner because we haven't been out to eat in what feels like forever (although I'm sure it's not been much more than a week or so), and it was just ex. haus. ting. I was on the side of the table with KT -- trying to keep up with her crumb-tossing, which was an impossible task. I realized that if we didn't have the Dog, we'd have shit all over our floor EVERY NIGHT and after EVERY MEAL and HOW in the world do non-dog-families do it?? I mean, it's just ridiculous! I was bending over every 3 minutes to pick up either her spoon or her sippy cup, things I couldn't just leave there like I left the chunks of Saltine cracker and cereal bar. So, bending over all the time, while trying to pitchfork my own salad into my maw, not to mention entertaining her by blowing zerberts, "chair dancing," peekabooing... tiring work.

And DH, on the other side with the 4-year-old, who you'd THINK was not SO much of a physical labor... he was up TWICE to the potty, which is our Standard O.P. during dinner. Twice. Plus forty fabillion "Sit down"s and "Eat"s -- I mean, the brain and the mouth get TIRED after saying something forty fabillion times.

AJ's a workout when we play, too. (And how is that I still say "we play?" And not just "he plays?" I don't know.) He's all boy, I suppose, and when I'm on the floor he figures he SHOULD come up behind me and climb over my back, onto my head, or "KA-PEWWWW" me with whatever's substituting as a gun. And I'm forever telling him to SHHHH, not so loud, we're RIGHT HERE. I think I get tired because my blood pressure stays high. On alert. Always about to be tackled or climbed.

And then of course, KT gets tired and putting her to sleep is a completely physical workout, too. She HATES being on her back so diaper changes are a wrestling match... tonight she had some cookie or cupcake in her hair (from school - Easter party), so I wanted to just quickly wash it... stupid me, I laid her on her back on the vanity with her head over the sink -- she freaked out. Then the rocking, the walking and bouncing (still, at 13 months), her switching her pacifiers for 5 minutes before she finds just the right one (and thus shifting her weight), 'til she finally gets HEAVY, all 21 pounds of her...

It's just no wonder I can't stay awake past 9:00 pm, ever.