Anniversary

Fourteen is my lucky number.

And on this day, fourteen years ago, right now, I was having my hair done for my role as THE BRIDE. What a lucky girl I have been, then and now.

This morning I woke up, gathered up my gift and card to take downstairs to the kitchen table to leave waiting for him, when he got up. Of course, he had already beaten me to the punch, and I found a gift bag with my name on it right by the coffeemaker, where he knew I would see it. Two beautiful new charms for my Pandora bracelet, exactly the ones I was hoping for. (He's been filling up charm bracelets for me since we started this gig, the first one being a tiny diamond-ring-shaped one, the night he proposed.)

I don't know how to say all the things I feel about our marriage and our relationship, and they're not the things for a blog anyway, really, but this morning I am definitely thinking about us, reading the tales and memories I've managed to capture, and how it has been so perfect all these years. I want to bathe in it. I feel secure in it.

You still make me laugh. You make me smile (even when I don't want to). We go well together -- work, play, tedious or exceptional days. That's love, that's marriage. That's all there is to it. xo

Shawn & Lee

Est. 4.28.01

Forgot my phone.

I have to admit this to Shawn at least once a week after I arrive at the office.

(Or turn around if I remember before exiting the subdivision.)

So I just want everyone to recognize how really, truly amazing it is that I'm able to keep most of my other shit together as well as I do.

Surprises and gratitude

One of the things I'm so grateful for, and feel compelled to report, is that Kate's mornings and evenings are finally settled, and going better. (JINX.) Mornings have started to surprise me, even. She is able to wake up and she WANTS to be the first kid downstairs, dressed and ready. Some days I leave her snoozing in her bed, to go get my socks or say hello to Alex. "I'll give you a few more minutes, Sweetie..." and when I come back, her light is on and she's tying her shoes, for heaven's sake. Blows me away.

I still can't get her to comb her hair on a daily basis, but hey. Fridays is good. Baby steps.


In the evenings, her preferred routine hasn't shortened at all (in fact it might take longer?) but it has ...matured...(?) to this:

• We read chapter books together for 10 or 20 minutes (there are some Tinkerbell/fairy ones - the Never Girls collection -  she likes a lot, as one of the heroines is named Kate and another one is Mia (the name of a friend of hers), or Junie B. Jones books that we've read at least 3 times before, or she kind-of enjoyed a couple of Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew).
• She then spells out exactly what she wants in her lunchbox the next day, and for her 2 snacks, and admonishes me to remember a water bottle.
• She asks me to "give her" a dream, and I've fairly surprised myself by being able to come up with something dream-like and creative on the fly, something different every night... once it was "dream you're tiny and you're playing in a huge tub of popcorn with your friends, and you slide down into it, then toss the popcorn to each other, then eat some, then..." here she interrupts me to add her own embellishments, like "and everything in the world is there? Every thing? a girl could ever want?" And I say, "Sure. It's your dream." and go on like this and try to give her a few things so that her eyes will stay closed for a minute longer after she "starts to dream it." 
• I rub her back while playing her a "Lullaby" playlist that I made on my iPhone (woe to me if I forget the phone, though she's usually willing to go all the way downstairs if it means she'll get to listen to her songs.). The list includes: Amy Grant's "Say Once More," Sting's "Fields of Gold," The Free Design's "Love You" (a song I discovered/listened to when she was an infant), The King's Singers' rendition of Billy Joel's "Goodnight, My Angel," and finally Don Henley singing "Annabel."

It's sweet. Long, but sweet. No more fussing and fighting when I leave. Forever and ever Amen.

There are nights when I make a date with Alex instead. We've been reading Harry Potter IV, The Goblet of Fire, and just finished it this week. I didn't cry. Miracle. Every other night with him, really, would be my preference, but on the other hand, he's older and likes to read by himself more than she does. I find it amusing that he'll read awhile, and then when I come in, he hands the book to me, tells me where he left off, and rolls over to listen to me read the rest.
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He and I had to use our time once last week to read through a very long, required section of his new Boy Scout manual, about avoiding abuse. Yuck. It was yucky. And weird. But as many times as I've read Mir K.'s "under the sink" story, one of the funniest mom-blog posts of all time, I knew that acknowledging that it was weird and awkward and embarrassing would make it better. We got through it. Kid needs to figure out Santa Claus ASAP, though, and let me know, because it's almost time for him to hear the rest of that whole conversation (I think they're starting to approach it in "Family Life" at school (5th grade). I can't have him knowing about s-e-x before he knows about Santa). Yipes. Anyway, GOOD QUALITY TIME talking with my boy is so important to me.
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Spring Break was wonderful. Everything I wanted. The kids swam, the weather was nice so the grown-ups could sit outside, I didn't HAVE to swim with them, but I did, once, we felt the sand under our feet and smelled the healing salt-air at the beach, we hung out with cousins, we had a big dinner party with the fam, and we had the great mornings around the kitchen table that Kate said she loves. I read my book a lot. My parents are the best. I loved every minute of it, and even the driving wasn't so bad.
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It's Friday. GRAAAAAAATEFUL. This week hasn't been too terrible at work. Just your regular assignments and interruptions. Let it be, let go of expectations. Do good work (and keep in touch). I tell myself these things. The mid-week days I look forward to, because after work on Tuesday I take Kate to gymnastics, and on Wednesday I take Alex to piano, and I love attending both of those things. It's free time for me to read, while they're learning and having fun. So those days aren't so bad at all, and by then I've made it to Thursday already.

Countdown to Spring Break

I'm starting to feel excited about our Spring Break plans to go to Pensacola. Still feel guilty over Shawn not coming. When we talked about how we'd divide up the week to cover the kids' week off, we knew we wouldn't have overlapping days off. Always a bummer. But I started feeling a little jealous of all the families (on FB; Rrrrrrr, FB - one of its major drawbacks) who were planning their trips to wherever. We always have our summer vacation week and our annual road trip to see Nanny, and have definitely painted Disney red a few times. So our kids are not deprived by any means. Oh, and our lovely Spring Break day in Chattanooga 2 years ago, being touristy.

BUT, since last year we stayed at home and hung out with the real estate agent on various days, and the year before that, we had old-house repairs done before our one day in TN, I thought maybe this year we should have somewhat of a vacation, not just 5 "days off at home." I mean, if I had my druthers I'd spend an entire week reading, doing an hour of yoga, having coffee on my front porch, taking walks and hikes and picnics, playing board games for an hour, maybe shopping. And that would restore me and I would be so grateful. But (they would never just leave me alone and agree to 1 hour of games, and) I know how it is when you're a kid. A whole week off is this big invitation to possibility! Maybe it will be FUN! Filled with excitement!

SO. Shawn's taking Monday and Tuesday (there have been mentions of arcades and putt-putt), and I'm taking Wed-Thurs-Fri, and the 3 of us will head out Thursday morning to drive to my parents',  conveniently located on the Gulf Coast. It's a good deal I've got, no? Anytime I want, a house near the beach with a pool. I've requested a little dinner party so we can hang out with cousins and aunt and uncle and make merry, and I would like to drive over to the beach one day, too.

Like I said, I'm sad about Shawn's absence. We've never vacationed apart, although I know that couples do it all the time and it shouldn't be a big deal. It isn't, really, but I know he'd like a vacation, too. Sorry, honey. I'm only going for the kids. ;) We'll Skype you every night. (Or we'll leave you alone to watch action movies and play Xbox in peace.) xo

Annual-Lee

Time for my annual "I'm holding on by a thread re: Summer Scheduling and planning" post. Mix in a dash of Too Many Work Tasks that I also can't seem to keep track of (why so many online programs that generate not only tasks, but also email reminders of the tasks, Work? GAH) and you've got one mama who drinks wine on Tuesday evenings. And maybe Wednesdays, too.

Bleh. For once, this year, I feel like the kids won't be "stuck" too many weeks at their daycare summercamp, and as far as I can tell, the weeks they will be going there, at least there are field trips and swimming planned. I appreciate the summer calendars they create in February. I hope they're accurate. (They're not.)

Anyway, here's the lineup:

May 25-29 Memorial Day Weekend. I suppose we'll go to Nanny's for MD Weekend as usual, though we haven't actually spoken with her or planned it yet. When we get back: KRK

Jun 1-5 Alex will be at Winshape. Kate, as of 5 minutes ago, is signed up for a 9-5 camp at her Gymnastics Academy.

Jun 8-12 Alex will still be at Winshape, and Kate wants to attend "American Girl camp" held at a Christian school near here. I'm not opposed to that, just need to figure out how to register for it (and ask them if it requires an actual AG doll or if a Target knock-off will suffice).

Jun 15-19 They are both signed up for an Art Camp at one of the county parks. Woo! I'm happy about that one. Something different, something together. They both love art. The theme is "The Case of the Stolen Statues" in the mornings, and they'll do clay handbuilding (not pottery wheels) in the afternoons.

Jun 22-26 Destin! Family vacation! Thank you, mom and dad!

Jun 29-Jul 3 Pensacola! Shawn and Lee get a week "off" from our parenting jobs. Thank you, mom and dad!

Jul 6-10 KRK  I was considering another week at gymnastics, and letting Alex go there, too, but it would cost more than $500 and KRK is only around $375.

Jul 13-17 Alex goes to BSA camp in North Carolina. TOO FAR AWAY! Mama doesn't like. Kate I think will go to KRK that week.

Jul 20-24 Both to KRK

Jul 27-31 Both to the other grandma's in Savannah. In fact, since we couldn't send them there last year or the year before, I'm hoping she'll be up for keeping them through August 7. School starts after that, but KRK is closed, NATURALLY, the week of Aug 3-7. Argh.

I won't say I hate summer, but I do hate one thing: I hate being 40 years old but still having to delicately ration my/our vacation days. I wish American companies would be more generous with vacation time (and mine is, actually, pretty generous in comparison). Is that too much to ask?

3 Good Nights in the Bank!

Tuesday I put myself to bed at 9:45. Wednesday and Thursday nights, 10:00. I've been reading for about 15 minutes before I fall asleep, with Soundscapes playing on the the TV in the background.

Immediately Wednesday morning I felt better than I had both Monday and Tuesday. Psychological? Maybe. Still, I'll take it. The sleep and the good book! (Rysa Walker's Time's Edge.) It was enough to make me take a walk at lunch (that and the weather). I took walks Thursday and today, too. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when Kate suggested, after school, that she and I take a walk while Alex finished up his homework! My girl is picking up good habits! And I was feeling the afternoon slump so a walk was JUST the thing. Yay. It's another of those easy things: You can whine about it, wish it were different, or you could just DO IT.

All that to say: Stop complaining, self. Jeez. How often do I read things like

"We multiply what we magnify."

and

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."

and blah blah blah? I mean, I could seriously read all day about happiness and mindfulness and living with intention and all of that, and not get bored. I love it! I agree with it! And yet.

ANYWAY.

Sleep is it. 

Collection, part 2

Um.

This does not seem to be getting better. I know I said I'm too sleepy to appreciate work or love anyone, but here are a few notes:

4....there's not a lot of friendly chatter. Ever. I can even instigate with a, "How was your weekend? Did your garage door get fixed?" (a fact known only by the email stating she would arrive late due to a repair appointment). The answer comes swiftly, "I have to get it replaced... so, yeah, that's a bummer. The weather was nice, though. Kids and I were outside a lot."

The End. Start meeting.

No reciprocal niceties, is what I'm saying. Who does business like this? I get "efficiency" but... you can afford to have a quick chat and act interested in your teammates. Direct reports. Whatever.

5....Secretarial work. Many assignments of filling in Excel spreadsheets. I am NOWHERE job-described as the Marketing Admin. But I am surely being treated as such. I'm trying like hell to cooperate and be willing, and help her get the department where it needs to be in order to move forward with purpose (I'll give her that we're starting from a very rough and reactive "strategy"). However. Excel spreadsheets that must be filled in line by line, with info that one finds using Google, are jobs for an INTERN.

Sleep, again

Besides my lack of a cardio habit, I think I'm not getting enough sleep every night. My typical weeknight's sleep is about 6 hours, which, according to all the Internet experts, isn't enough. I need at least one more hour. Shawn's laughing right now because he is sure I get plenty of sleep. On the couch, when I'm "supposed" to be watching our TV shows. But it doesn't count.

What I actually need is to give up sitting with Kate for 15 minutes -- 30-40 if I fall asleep -- while waiting for her to fall asleep. No duh, right? I'm embarrassed to say I really don't know how to make that transition. I tried enough times when she was 3, 4, 5... that I finally gave up trying. She's only little once, after all. My heart still tells me that's a truth, but my mind is wishing it could use the 9 o'clock hour instead of losing (most of) it. She needs to get to bed earlier, too, something that she is unlikely to accept.

I think it wouldn't be a big deal, except that it makes everything else a big deal. I know my lack of sleep affects my ability to perform well at work, for example. It makes me, for lack of a better word,  grumpy when I'm here. I definitely have a hard time with focus. I flit from one thing to another aimlessly. And I have this low-level simmer of hating everything. Probably.... not healthy for body or spirit.

Friday thoughts

What a week we've had! We ended up with three snow days, after Kate's sick day. I told them this morning, "Have a good day at school... I hope you remember what to do!"

There was actual snow on Wednesday afternoon. It was gorgeous; came down in huge, fat flakes. Biggest I've ever seen. We let it fall for an hour or so before going out to play. An immediate snowball fight ensued. The kids' sheer delight about being out in the snow -- I mean, it's pure, pure happiness giggling up out of their souls -- makes the whole thing worth it.

I worked from home Tuesday afternoon, all day Wednesday, and Thursday morning; then our darling babysitter, a high school senior, came over around 11 yesterday so I could speed to the office for an afternoon. It felt like an eternity.

I both appreciate off-routine weeks, and get flustered by them. I forgot a critical event that's taking place this Saturday, when everything ELSE is also taking place -- so Mom and Dad, I hope you're up for a marathon day. Kate's choir sings this weekend at the 5:30pm Mass. (Backing up: Alex's piano recital, 4pm. Pinewood Derby, 7am - 3pm-ish.) Perhaps margaritas after, if we survive all that.

Now it's Friday, and I really should try to focus on writing one of the 3 articles assigned to me and due March 23 ("or earlier!" they say, hopefully. Stupidly...). I have become so last-minute with things. I get things done in time for deadlines. I think I should do them earlier than that. (Tax return, I'm looking at you.) So maybe on Monday, I'll get the photo album I absolutely need for Tuesday. Maybe the art I'd like to hang before Friday, and the rug. Or maybe I won't.

I got a half-day vacation for Gumbo Party day, so I'm doing a little of my vow to "take more time off." (It helps that I get another week this year, since I've passed the 5-year mark.) It works out because the kids have that half-day off, too (unless the school decides to use it for a make-up day), so they won't have to stay in after-care from noon until 5. Gosh, I hate when that has to happen. So far this year, I think it's only been once. Shawn used to have furlough days he had to take once a month, and we would schedule them on those days. They were a bummer (no pay), but also pretty handy.

Yoga in the morning, in my cubicle, before anyone else has arrived at work and when the lights are still off, helps me start the day nicely. Breathing. I'm feeling pressure that I need to be walking every day. I keep seeing ads from a local hospital about how every adult needs to walk 150 minutes a week -- 30 minutes a day, 5x a week -- and I have wanted to add that back to my life for a long time now. I've lost more than half the weight I wanted to lose with WW -- still working on that -- but I think adding the stupid cardio would help, and obviously it's better for LIFE. Argh. Yesterday I found the treadmill at the office and took a 10-minute walk. In my work clothes, and boots (they're flats). It's not ideal, but it's something.

Oooh, plans!

Lots of stuff going on this week and next, so what better than to waste precious half-hours here telling a few people and my future self about it?! Hee.

1. The Pinewood Derby was supposed to have been this weekend -- our very last Cub Scouting event -- but it was postponed until next weekend because there was a very small threat of snow and ice. We no longer take those threats lightly in metro ATL! So, next weekend, fine, but now we have that, which usually lasts from 7:30 a.m. check-in until 3:00 p.m. clean-up, and then Alex's very first piano recital, at 4:00 p.m.! Whee! Should be a fun day. I hope the PWD finishes on time. I'm so, so excited about the recital. The kids have never even attended a music recital, much less participated. I'm nervous for him, and proud of him, already and all at once. He'll play two little pieces.

2. Kate had tummy trouble all weekend. She did nothing but lie on the couch Sat., and Sun., and chose to stay home from school today (totally legit, she did have a fever last night). It was Shawn's turn so she's been at his office, charming everyone and being good watching "Frienemies" on the iPad. She does feel better, I think, but is pretty weak from not having eaten anything much for 2 days. It isn't really worth mentioning except that they're calling for possible snow again overnight, so I'm worried she'll have ANOTHER day off school tomorrow. We'll see. The snow days are fine until they combine with sick-days. Then I start to get fretful for some reason. Like I can prevent snow-days! OR sickness. Dumb. Anyway, it's good that Shawn and I can share the sick-day responsibilities, and that I have a laptop.

3. The Gumbo party is happening! In my Mom's family we called it "Sacrificial Gumbo" because it was SOOOO TERRIBLE to have to have no meat. Ha ha. So anyway, I sent an Evite to 5 families yesterday. It took me a while to get up the courage to press "Send," however stupid that is -- and we already have three positive responses! Yay! I think we'll need to set up a card table in the den. It's a real party when you have to set up a card table, amiright?? But luckily, we bought a card table just a couple of weeks ago! (Still need chairs.) Don't worry, I'll put a tablecloth over it.

We want to do a little more decorating before people come over, and obviously a lot of straightening up (Kate's toys/pillows/shoes currently COVER the living room floor) but again, no stress about how the house looks or doesn't look. I'm trying to remember this, a brilliant article I may have already linked to that deserves a second read. There is no need to pressure ourselves to have Pinterest-worthy, Houzz-worthy homes before we host a get-together. Just bring people in. They're coming for the company, and maybe the food, and that's why we're having them -- not to show them our custom valences. (We will likely never have custom valances!) Yes, we'd like to have something on the wall behind our couch -- going to look this week -- and something that fits better, and is in a frame, above our bed, assuming anyone wants a "tour" of the still-new house. And the powder room downstairs could use a little something. Those should be easy enough to find, yes? We can do those.

So I'm planning shrimp gumbo, french bread, Kraft mac-and-cheese for the kids who don't want to even TRY gumbo (...Kate), maybe a veggie tray and a fruit tray, and wine and beer and lemonade. Done. Easy. We'll sit wherever. Some folding chairs in the kitchen to round out the seating options, and I think we'll be good.

I like being the hostess, I learned last weekend at Kate's birthday slumber party. Well, I mean, I've long known it. So now that we're in the house, we're mentally ready, and we actually have friends, I'm forging ahead. More parties! Huzzah!

Collection

Hrm. Another dip in the line of "do I like my new manager or not?"

I need a place to collect grievances. (No, I don't like being this picky/grumpy, but already it feels like I might need the list to refer to in the future.)

1. Scratched on her phone all during my B2B presentation. On her first day.
2. Has been given responsibility for print projects for the US. Immediately used me in a rather secretarial way, asking me to do something (get print estimates) that is absolutely NOT in my current job description.
3. Sent me an early-morning request to write "Sales Scripts" for telephone and email --- something I've never, ever done -- and gave me ONE DAY, assuming I had nothing else on my schedule, I guess. When I told her I could spend an hour on it today, she replied, "This is priority."

Stay tuned.

One to One (1:1) Meeting

New Manager and I had our first 1:1 meeting. (It bothers me very much that a couple of colleagues call these "One on One" meetings..... Uhh, no thank you. Ha!) It went extremely well, to my surprise. She was engaged and listened, took a lot of notes, agreed with me about my "pain points" (she had asked me for those), gave me some great suggestions/tasks, and I feel quite good, now, about having her on board. We talked about schedules and she seems to have not one problem with flex-time, exactly as I'd hoped and imagined she wouldn't (BECAUSE REAL PEOPLE in THE 21st CENTURY DON'T). So thank God.

In the past few weeks, I've been trying to be more analytical and strategic about my job. This maybe is interesting to no one, but our websites' traffic has been the lowest of all our subsidiaries (UK, France, Germany, Austria, etc.) for a couple of months. U.S. was highlighted RED in the spreadsheet! "Critical performer!" ACK. This would not stand, so I've been researching, and SEO-ing, and trying my darndest to pull the numbers up. (And my tactics seem to have worked for January! I feel so proud!) What I've learned is that I REALLY like that stuff. I get deeply involved with it, and time seems to fly. A revelation. I'm so anxious, now, to make analytics and strategy more a part of my daily round.

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Group "Meetings:"

Last weekend Shawn and I had two fun dinners with friends. (We have FRIENDS! Sorry, but it's still exciting.) Our favorite group of 5th-grade parents, 8 of us total, went to an expensive-ish restaurant on the night of the school's annual fundraising gala. We boycotted the gala! It was funny, we've declared it a tradition now. And we had SUCH fun. Laughed and laughed.

The next night we'd been invited to the Cubmaster and his wife's house, to plan the boys' last ceremony before they all cross over to Boy Scouts. (Time flies!) They're ...interesting people, maybe not our first choice, but SO nice nonetheless, and we drank white wine and the kids all played happily together, and it was a nice way to spend the spring-like afternoon.

And I'm putting this here so I don't forget: During Lent, we are going to host a Sacrificial Gumbo party on a Friday night. (Seafood gumbo, of course.) Kids and parents. Casual - I don't want to stress about it. In fact, I'm going to hop over to my G-cal right now and figure out what date I can plan this event.

Humbled updating

I have to update you lovely people about my friend/choir director who needs a kidney transplant. There is good news. But first, a little story I may never have shared.

When I first joined the choir, a woman named Ann was very kind to me. I knew exactly No One at the church or in our town, really, but she, a fellow soprano, charmed me right away with just the right kind of snarky looks and giggles that first rehearsal -- about the terrible pitch in the alto section, or the stupidity of the then-director's hymn choices. I was comfortable with her from the word go. She was pregnant at the time, Alex was around 8 months old, so we bonded. She invited me to her baby shower - again, I knew nobody but was grateful for a chance to meet some women. We joined another choir together which held rehearsals and concerts all over Atlanta, so we drove together many times. She shared some pretty deep secrets with me. As I got to know Ann, I came to understand she was very much like another of my best friends -- outwardly confident to a fault, almost, but pretty insecure on the inside. Like most of us. Anyway, time marched on.

Once, a couple of years ago, when her son (he was born, heh) had just joined the Cub Scouts, she thought it was funny to make jokes like, "Yeah, I let him join up, but told him not to let anyone FEEL him up!" or some such, referencing the BSA's historic trouble with pedophilia. Lovely. I let the first couple of times slide. But during a choir party (the drama I alluded to in that post), I asked her how was he liking scouts, and she cracked about it AGAIN, and I'd had enough. "You need to really shut up about that," I said, calmly, I thought. I went to the dessert table. My husband is one of the pack leaders, I know the other leaders and they're GOOD guys, and my Dad was/is an Eagle Scout - I don't want Scouting to be disparaged every time it comes up in conversation. She did need to cut it out - it wasn't going to help her son, either, to give him that kind of impression (I don't know if she was saying things like this within his earshot, but she... doesn't have much of a filter). She did not take kindly to this. Long story short, we had a VERRRRY drawn-out texting argument (juvenile) that night after the party. She accused me of being a jerk, I tried to defend my feelings.... it was ugly. I was hurt. She apparently was too.

We've since made up, mostly, and gone on with our lives, friendly enough, but I've not really let go of it completely. Mostly I haven't been able to forgive myself for holding a big grudge... but I've not really forgiven her either, totally. My opinion of her has certainly been diminished (not just because of that incident). I know she's good at heart, and has had significant sadness in her life, but. I don't like confrontation, and I still don't like that she accused ME of wrongdoing in that instance.

Well. Have you concluded yet, the end of this story? Ann is the kidney donor. Evidently she wrote John a letter and gave it to him Christmas morning (I was not there), and there was not a dry eye in the choir. The surgery is now scheduled for March 7. It was a holy moment when I found out. I mean, I was FLOORED, really. Not that she would offer, because it doesn't surprise me, but because I never did. Couldn't. And it made me feel like, "Whoa. She's actually a much better person than me." I KNOW what you're going to say.... I know. But.... still. So I'm forgiving her a little more each day at this point, and coming to appreciate her for this new reason (SO glad for John), and it's all very emotional and complicated.

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I don't love the new work manager. She's okay. She's young, and that always seems weird, but I'd better get used to that since I'm only going to get older! She's not striking me as very "leader" like. We'll see -- it's only been a week, and she's been in training. (But for instance, yesterday I trained her and another woman about one of our websites, and she was on her phone the ENTIRE time. Truly. If I pointedly looked at her, she would look up and "Mm-hmm," but otherwise did not pay attention to my presentation. Grrr. Not impressed.)

Kate's 7th

We've been planning Kate's ... pardon me, Katelyn's (she is going by Katelyn in first grade, her teacher tells me)... birthday slumber party for a while now. In the fall, she was invited to a 5th-grader's birthday slumber party, because the 5th-grader has a 1st-grader sister who is Kate's BFF. Kate thought that party was The Bee's Knees, and she has wanted to do All The Sleepovers since she was much too young for them (3), because her brother was already sleeping over at friends' houses.... so a slumber party it finally is. We invited 5 girls: Calli (aforementioned BFF), Micah, Ady Grace, Reagan, and Kate (the other Kate). I love their names, and the girls themselves. I put them here so that someday after they've all moved on, I can have a nice happy memory of each of their sweet little faces. One declined (out of town), and we've heard from all but one of the remaining four, so it promises to be a fun night.

I want to have some sort of craft for them to do, so I'm going to hit Hobby Lobby and Party City this weekend. I'd thought decorating some no-spill water bottles would be a good idea; then, they could take drinks upstairs to the guest room/playroom safely. I am hopeful that room is where they'll mostly stay. We've set up a TV in there, and the Wii and Xbox 360, which should cover Just Dance and Kinect Party, two games that Kate likes. There are board games in the cabinet. Kate's dolls are (ahem) still in boxes in the closet... and all over the house, besides, so they could have an epic game of "House" or "Friends" or "School" or whatever. We can do a Netflix movie from the Wii, and then pizza and cake, and I have to figure out what's for breakfast. I'm thinking about these French Toast muffins. 

She wants a Barbie Dream House, and even though it's $165goodlord, I'm thinking of granting that wish. :) I kinda wanted one, too, when I was her age, though I might not have ever asked for it -- and heaven knows I still play Barbies (when she wears me down enough that I can't say no)....I'm sure I should willingly agree, because they're only young once, and all, but... well, at least with Barbies you can spend most of the time brushing their hair and changing their clothes.

WHY is it so hard to play pretend when you're a parent?? Is it that adult brains are filled with every other thing and there's no room for imagination? (Sad state.) Sometimes when I'm working in the kitchen, I can at least muster enough energy to call her "Emily," and she'll walk around with her purse, taking calls from "Derek," and taking care of the babies ("Layla" and "Avery" and recently, "Lisa"). It's SO uninteresting to me and I can't figure out why. You'd think it would still be fun! To act like a kid again? But... no. It isn't fun.

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Meanwhile, Alex's buddy, Brandon, will also be staying with us next week, from Wednesday night through Sunday afternoon. !! His parents are divorced, there was a scheduling conflict, and the mom asked for our help while she goes out of town. I was quick to say yes -- how can you say no to a single mom who needs help? Plus, she's very sweet -- and although it will be a bit chaotic, it's hardly a strain to have one more kid to take to and pick up from school. We're going that way already. I think it'll be fun for all the kids. (Mom, remember when Betsy and Patrick stayed with us for a couple of weeknights during the schoolyear? I do, somewhat fondly, and that's one reason I didn't think twice about saying yes. Breakfast cereal with friends before school just seems unusual and fun to me. Hee.) I hope he also likes ham sandwiches in his lunchbox!

Alex has been writing essays for his English class. Or, I should say, he has been worrying over essays for English class. I feed him ideas and then he can get going, but I'm not going to be able to do that for long or he'll start relying on me. He gets SO frustrated, but the end product is usually very good. I love that he's writing "for real." Compare and Contrast. Intro, Body Body Body, Conclusion. So fun!! OH, and he's using FORMULAS in math! Area of a triangle = b x 1/2h. (I always said "1/2bh", I think, but same thing. [isn't it?]) Math. Didn't realize how much I liked math until high school/college, I don't think.

These kids are growing up so fast. I'm glad they still need hugs and cuddles from Mommy. Kate still asks to be picked up and hugged on a daily basis -- last night I got a big, her-head-on-my-shoulder, lonnnnng hug -- and Alex initiates it more often than I would think he would at ten, and I'm a lucky, lucky Mom for both of those reasons. :)

Prepare for some good news

GET THIS: It is a Monday, but I feel FINE. !!! I know, right?

Here is why, I think: We went to bed at a reasonable hour last night (10-10:30), we slept without interruption (this had not been an issue until the last week or two, when Kate has remembered her younger years' habit and starting coming to see us periodically, around 4:00 am), my darling princess daughter got out of bed and FULLY DRESSED this morning without me, even though I was primed to gently and kindly lead her through it.... and the A-number-one reason.... my bothersome, stress-inducing team members are all away at a week-long meeting in Europe (again)! Woot woot! AND I have a list of tasks that I get to decide when to do, some that are just mindless updating/data entry-type things (which I enjoy), and none that are "OMG we have to do this RIGHT NOW."

THIS IS WHAT MAKES A HAPPY MONDAY. Bosses away, tasks to do quietly. HELL to the YEAH. I also made butternut squash soup last night for my healthy, 2-point lunch.

One other work update that makes me SO happy: My new direct manager, who begins today at said European meeting, (drumroll, pleeeeeeeease.....) HAS CHILDREN! This is a prayer answered, so thank you Jesus. Thank you, thank you. It is difficult to believe, but until the hiring of this woman, not one woman in our current upper management team could ever hope to understand the working-mom thing. Not the President, not the HR director, not the director of Marketing Global (my boss), not my friend/manager Sh@n, not my interim manager H0lly. Some of them have tried to SAY they understand, but in actual fact, they couldn't, because you simply can't unless you've done it. Anyway, the new manager was here for a minute last Friday and mentioned her kids  (s! Plural!) not once, but twice. This bodes well. Now, let's just hope I will actually like her as a person, and not just appreciate that she appreciates my personal situation.

Hallelujah! Happy Monday.

Weekdays, Piano Lessons

I've been searching for whatever heart-filling, peaceful glow I had a few weeks ago, I guess the remnants from Christmas Day (perfect day) and getting to spend all that time with the kids and my darling husband and parents, and reading that Drummer Girl essay that said "you are enough, just as you are..." and I'm not finding it, really. I suppose the hustle and bustle of the regular schedule is back - not that I feel overly rushed, just stepping in time to the rhythm of our days.

Monday, bummer of a day (always), work pitifully because my heart's never in it, 'til 4:30 and then homework, dinner, baths, bed, laundry. Tuesday, work, rush to carpool, homework, Kate to gymnastics (love), dinner, baths, bed. Wednesday, long day at work, pickup Alex, Kate to choir, Alex to piano lessons (NEW! more below!), homework, figure out something for dinner, bed, TV/laundry. Thursday, more of same, choir practice (dread going, enjoy once there). Friday, (almost finished good feelings), work, pickup kids, hope for dinner out somewhere easy like Chili's (kids have complained we're going to the nearby Mexican place too often, heh), crash on couch, FIN. Saturday and Sunday are busier still, errands and chores (sometimes I don't feel like Shawn or I ever sit down).

Routine is good, though. The kids are better with the routine and school. Summer's approaching fast, eeks, gotta get on that and start planning (again. already.), but for now we're in the thick of it. Fifth grade and first grade. Music lessons. Winter. It's good.

Alex - Piano! Yayyyyyy! When we quit jiu jitsu in June, we were either lazy or else we deliberately let him take a break from activities during the first semester. I'd like to think it was deliberate, but there was also an element of he-wasn't-interested-in-anything much. But during the fall, we'd say, "In January, we'll find you something new to try. Music lessons, or soccer, or something." And he grabbed onto the idea of piano lessons. I think the fact that his cousin Joey is a natural pianist has a big influence. I was, of course, thrilled, and have wanted the kids in music lessons for a long time (parenting FAIL until now!), because I know how good it was for me. BUT I didn't know how to find a good teacher. I emailed one or two last summer, after reading reviews/websites, and didn't hear back. Disappointing. Talked to a family friend about their teacher, who requires costumes and speaking parts of all her recital participants twice a year... NO THANKS. Don't have time for that nonsense! So last week, one day after school I thought, let's just try the local instrument store and see what they have. They had one opening on the very next day, with the teacher I thought looked best on their brochure. Boom. Signed Alex up and he is doing SO WELL after 2 half-hour lessons! (i didn't sign Kate up because she's doing choir for the first time this year, and it works out because now Alex will be "ahead" of her if she does ever start piano; that'll be good for his older-brother mentality/esteem.) Bastien Piano series for Beginners, which is how I learned, too, when I was five. :) He's surprised the teacher with how fast he's getting it.

I think it's great that he didn't start until now, actually -- maybe the hand of Divine intervention - because as I've been thinking about it, when boys start earlier, age 10 is about when they peter out and their interest wanes. I think we have the possibility of this carrying Alex into high school and hopefully further. We'll see. No pressure, son, hahaha. Mama just has goals for you. ;)

Last night he got a little frustrated while practicing. When he'd calmed down I whispered to him that I've known he was musical since he was a baby, and I meant it. He's always had good pitch, perfect rhythm - an ear for it. And his math talents come in handy, as well. So I know he'll get the parts he's having trouble on. Practice, practice, practice.

Good advice for my daily round, I guess, too.

Saint Claude de la Colombiere

I used Jennifer Fulwiler's Saint Name Generator to pick me a saint for 2015. I've tried it in the past and not had much interest in the saint that was picked for me, but today I got St. Claude de la Colombiere.

Feast day: Feb 15

Patron of turners (lathe-workers)

I'm trying not to read too much into something that was coded online as a spiritual or miraculous THING, but I did say a prayer, as the website suggests, before clicking, and I feel like this saint is interestingly appropriate for me:

He lived to be 41; I will be 41 in 2015.
His day, Feb 15, is Kate's birthday.
The lathe makes me think of "Lord of All Hopefulness," and verse two which says, "Lord of all eagerness, Lord of all faith, whose strong hands were skilled at the plane and the lathe, be there at our labors..."
My two biggest difficulties right now are learning to be a better mother to Kate, who is so different from me, and reconciling how I feel about my job/working.

This Christmas, I've also been trying hard to remember that I am enough, and this is what the prayer from this site says:

Lord, I am in this world to show Your mercy to others. Other people will glorify You by making visible the power of Your grace by their fidelity and constancy to You. For my part I will glorify You by making known how good You are to sinners, that Your mercy is boundless and that no sinner no matter how great his offences should have reason to despair of pardon. If I have grievously offended You, My Redeemer, let me not offend You even more by thinking that You are not kind enough to pardon Me. Amen. - Saint Claude de la Colombiere

Last of the Leftovers, hooray!

We ate the last of our holiday leftovers last night, HOORAY! Threw the rest out. We're done. But oh, did we eat some good things recently:

London Broil -- First time I used the broiler drawer in this new kitchen. I didn't even burn the meat; in fact, it was pretty rare on the first go-round. Almost too rare for my liking (sorry, Shawn). But it worked as a leftover, because putting it in the the microwave made it just right. I can't remember the recipe/marinade I used. During the holidays I put the steak on King's Hawaiian slider rolls, with Dijon and mayo, and THAT was yummy.

Lasagna -- Christmas Day dinner. So festive in my HUGE Lenox Holiday casserole dish! So easy. Even fun to put together! Dry noodles! I mostly made up the recipe from others I've used, but what you need to know is three things: Lean beef + Turkey sausage, cottage cheese + ricotta, and 28 oz pasta sauce + 1/2 to 1/3 C. water. It turned out perfect.

Mom and Dad made Meatloaf** -- the first weeknight they were here, Shawn and I came home to dinner already made! Meatloaf, which everyone in my house likes, plus a salad (I think) and the potatoes below. They even made a 2nd meatloaf that's in my freezer right now, so I won't have to think so hard about next week's menu! Yippie!

Pioneer Woman's Potato Casserole** -- I'm pretty sure it's this one, and it was creamy and amazing. The kids ate a few bites but haven't wanted any since. More for me! We made it with frozen hash browns instead of thin-sliced potatoes. Muuuuuch easier.

**The best part about this meal was that Kate walked through the kitchen while they were cooking, and the house was starting to smell really good, and she said, "Y'all are doing great for a 73-year old and a 68-year old!" We'll never forget it.

Another PW recipe: Christmas Tortilla Roll-Ups. Also another thing I didn't make, Mom and Dad did! SO delicious. There's Ranch dressing mix that makes these so flavorful! We might still have one wrapped up in the fridge; I forgot to check last night. Mostly I'm the only one in my family of four who likes them. I think they'd be good with added turkey, too. We did a lot of "appetizers" dinners, particularly on New Year's Eve (sometimes I've done that on New Year's Day, too, but not this year). My favorite!

Pork Tenderloin -- Easy, I bought a portabello mushroom flavored one. This was going to be NYD dinner, but instead, we had:

Sausage and Shrimp Gumbo. Shawn's request, and thank goodness he did! It was something fun to do that day with Mom, and warm and filling. Even the kids ate some (I did make a non-spicy version for them), which is what we call progress! Can't link to the recipe because it's a family one, and not online as far as I know, but MAN, did it turn out good. Especially the 2nd day. No leftovers on that one, nothing to throw out. We served it with rice and french bread because duh, that's the only way to eat gumbo. And Mom, we're going to practice more often, aren't we? We promised each other we would. :)

Reflecting on '14

Here's what I don't want to do today: Complain that I'm at work.

Here's what's happening at home: Kate is going to play at her friend Kate's house, and Alex is having Will over to play at our house, with Grandmommy and Papa Joe doing the taxiing and babysitting. Pretty fun day for them, yes?

Here's what we're doing tonight: Relaxing. Drinking wine and champagne. Eating crackers and cheeses and cookies and maybe some turkey roll-ups and carrots and Ranch, and breathing deep. A day off tomorrow. We are going to celebrate and be together. (We are going to do some laundry, parenthetically.) We will likely play several rounds of "Authors," "Children's Authors," and "Inventors," three Go-Fish card games that Mom brought the kids that they LOVE. We need to set up a big tournament to make it higher stakes! Hee hee.

You know what was fun and different this morning? I had to sit in my car and let it warm up! I've let Mom and Dad park in the garage and kept my car on the driveway, exposed to the elements (ooooo) these last few days. This morning there was frost on the windshield, enough that I couldn't see to drive it until it had defrosted. So rarely happens to me I'm surprised I remembered what to do. Ha!

Here's what I posted at Happier:
Mindful on this last day of the year: God is good. We are loved. Life is sweet. I am richly blessed.

And that's all I really need to know for 2015, isn't it?

I do like having a little time for reflection, though. It was a busy year. It was the year I got a big thing that I wanted -- a new house in a new neighborhood. It was hard, but rewarding, to go through that whole stressful process. Sometimes we still can't actually believe we did it. Alex is spending the night at the old neighbors' tomorrow night. I have mixed emotions about going there on the first day of 2015, but keep telling myself, "Don't be silly."

It was the year I turned 40, and Shawn gave me the biggest gift by planning that amazing surprise party for me. I can still reach back and remember how blessed and loved I felt, arriving in the room and seeing.... nearly everyone. Thank you, Honey, for working SO hard to do that for me.

It was a year for growth in parenting. Mistakes were made, but I think a lot of progress, too. And Kate is growing up. Bless her. I see fewer and fewer tantrums. We still have our differences, of course, and arguments. I work at redirecting her, talking it through, understanding her feelings. She's growing up, but still so little. Lately she's asking me to sing her our old lullabies while she drifts off to sleep.

Alex is growing up, too. It has been a year of change for him. Saying goodbye to another sport, reading less, then more, really maturing in his approach to school and organization. I want so much for him -- success and achievement, and for him to find HIS THING. I'm trying not to worry about it but I want to gently push him to try more things. This week he's been interested in Mythbusters and his remote control quad-copter and for some reason, it makes me hopeful.

Shawn lost his father in 2014. I feel terribly guilty that I haven't been more mindful of that during the holidays. I pray for his heart. I hope his good memories glow brightly and that we honored his Dad well in June. I think we did. I spent a lot of time praying for mercy for him, and for Susan, in this year.

And it was a healthier year for me. I lost 8 pounds. I'm unsure how many of these I gained back in the last 2 weeks, but I'm still willing to work at it. I'm relieved.


My 2015 wishes, besides remembering that God is good and I am loved? To read a little more. To pray a little more. To plan a few more fun family things. To walk, run and stretch a little more. To take more time off. To find more meaning in my work, somehow. To be who I am. It's the 2nd half of my 40th year. I feel a lot of possibility there. "When I turned 40, I made good things happen." That's what I want to say.

Perfect Christmas Day

First of all, I didn't get sick on Christmas Eve! Amazing in itself.

Second of all, the Santa presents turned out exactly even. Or, even enough that I was perfectly satisfied. Shawn had done some prep work while I was singing at Midnight Mass, so when I got home the setup was pretty easy. We got to bed around 2:30am. Oof! Had made the kids promise, after they said they would be getting up at 6:00am, to pleeeeeeeeease wait until 6:30. And they did. ;) Evidently, their alarms went off at 6:00, but they waited in Kate's room, probably giggling and squee-ing just like Jill and I used to do (and peeking), until the stroke of 6:30. I had woken up a few minutes before they came tip-toeing into our room, whispering, "I'll get Mommy, you get Daddy." So adorable to get to hear the excitement in their whispers. I'm grateful God nudged me awake for that tiny gift.

They loved their presents and were just as happy and excited as they could be. It was awesome. And then, because we didn't have anywhere we had to go, or anything we had to dress up to do (no going to Mass! Two on Christmas Eve was enough!), we stayed in our pajamas until 1:00 pm, and just enjoyed being together. I started the coffee after we finished presents, turned on some Christmas music in the kitchen (how I love having our old iPhone on speakers in the kitchen!), started making crepes, and the kids played with each one of their new things in succession. Shawn and I were able to get on the floor and help/play with them, too, and allowed ourselves to do that. Even when I was making crepe batter, I told myself there was no schedule, and I could pause a few minutes to look at something when Kate asked me to. (I really need to work on doing that more often on regular days.) The crepes didn't take too long, much Nutella was had, Shawn did the dishes, we turned on Christmas Vacation for the 2nd time and laughed when Cousin Eddy said, "Shitter was full!" ....and how fun is it, that the kids are old enough to enjoy a few naughty words here and there and we can trust there won't be repercussions?...

At one point during the still-early morning, Kate wanted to take her bow and arrow outside to shoot it. I took my coffee cup and sat on the porch while she did, and it was cool, crisp outside without being uncomfortable. And sunny! After 3-4 days of grey and rain, the sun was out! There's not much I love more than being outside in the morning. We stayed out there about 20 minutes. Another perfect gift.

The whole thing was just blissful. Quiet, and warm inside, the kids worked hard to get along all day, and we soaked it all up. I took a tiny nap and didn't feel guilty. I think Shawn did, too. Later in the afternoon I poured some red wine and put together a huge lasagna and a salad. We ate in the dining room with the Lenox Holiday -- candlelight dinner! -- and talked about what a great day it had been. Shawn did the dishes AGAIN, even the fine china (thank you so much, Honey).

Truly, a Christmas day to remember.