a library of my thoughts on motherhood, family, working, and daily life. an attempt to know myself. (hello, self!).
Tuesday, January 31
Still reeling at work! But some dinner menus to share
Thursday, January 19
New Year, New Job?
Wednesday, January 4
Year-End Check-In and 2023 Plans
I'm feeling pressured (by myself and myself alone) to post the traditional year-end review. So here it is, in a nutshell (I spent the last week of December doing this reviewing in my paper planner): 2022 was a weird year for me.
- Great: Kate's club volleyball last spring, and the sweet moms I spent so much time with, watching our girls play.
- Great: Spring band activities. Spring of Alex's senior year in general. Spending more time with those mom-friends.
- Great: Alex's acceptance to UGA in February, visiting campus, him getting the scholarship he expected, etc.
- Not-so-great: Some heavy stress re: Alex's girlfriend that I don't want to discuss, but was really new and frightening for both him and me.
- Great: Both kids doing so well with academic and other achievements and graduating from their respective schools.
- Not-so-great: The extreme stress of Graduation week, with my added Covid diagnosis. I didn't get to have the celebrations I wanted to have for the kids and that made me SAD.
- Not-so-great: The emotional stress of sending Alex off to college, plus alllll the prep it required. I didn't realize it while it was happening but after it was done I realized how much I'd been holding that stress all year.
- Great: Kate doing SO well in her first semester of high school, making lots of sweet friends and feeling comfortable from the start.
- Great: More visits to see my parents in 2022! That was a goal, accomplished, by myself and my sister.
- Great: I got myself to some necessary doctor's appointments, including my first colonoscopy. I survived the prep! No more of those for 10 years, wooo!
- Not-so-great: I'm still in some pain, from plantar fasciitis as well as carpel tunnel, and during Christmas break my neck started feeling stiff and my freaking elbow started hurting for no reason whatsoever.
- Great: I read 29 interesting books!
- Not-so-great: You know, November. And the subsequent holiday season. Not just for that reason -- I also felt like I failed in many aspects regarding the "sparkle" of Christmas -- an annual fret, I suppose, but it felt even heavier somehow this year, sadly. Not that we didn't have a nice 11 days of holiday-time, or at least time off from work. It was quiet and calm at home, which is just what I like. Kate had a few social events with her friends, which was exactly what she wanted. But our super-quiet Christmas is not what the world shows me it's supposed to be like -- also WHY do so many people we know take extravagant vacations to the Bahamas, Disney, skiing, or tropical beaches in December? -- and it activates one of my biggest fears, that my kids will leave home and never want to come back here for the holidays because we're too boring. (Probably unfounded, but fear is never very rational.)
- To be pain-free. Or closer to that. To that end I'm trying to detox from inflammatory sugar again (the holiday cookies got me!), drink more water, and stretch A LOT, including the 30-day yoga with adriene challenge.
- To enjoy this volleyball season even though it's with new people
- To better organize and prioritize my work tasks - ugh, this is killing me right now in our very busy season
- New clothes for me -- Mom gave me some Christmas money and I'm planning to use it specifically on clothes items I need. I don't buy myself new clothes very often and I think it's starting to show.
- To refresh our guest room with new paint possibly, and at least reworking the art on the walls and the leftover "kids' playroom" furniture.
- To add back "weekly cleaning" items on my WFH days -- just a quick swipe-down here and there, or cleaning ONE shower a week, will help me stay on top of this stupid stuff.
- To make PLANS to DO THINGS. Whether just for myself (lunches with friends, moms' nights), or more important, for the family. We mostly tend to say, "Oh, whatever you want to do...." and then end up NOT doing anything. (I also struggle with spending money and "doing things" is often expensive.) This year I want to be more intentional - I almost wrote "forceful" lol - about deciding on FUN things. "Here's what and when we're doing it! Enjoy!" This is going to require a huge mind-shift for me; it's daunting.
- Just as an example, New Year's Day was shaping up to be nothing very special IMO, and I was starting to feel sad about it. Instead of asking everyone "what should we doooooo," I made a reservation at an Italian restaurant, told the family we were going at 5:30, and we ended up having a nice dinner out! ...and then Cherries Jubilee afterwards, at home. It worked! I feel like I need to take back some of my Mom-Power in this way, more often. "You'll do it and you'll like it." ;)
Wednesday, December 21
Christmas Party
I want to remember the Christmas party we went to on Saturday night. It was so fun.
We don’t always have a lot of Christmas party invitations when we celebrate the holidays at home — in Pensacola we do, it’s a party every night there! — but this is one that has been pretty reliable over the years, except for the dumb Covid years. It’s at the home of some St. Joe’s friends from Alex’s grade, and so this year the added fun was that all the college freshmen were home from their first semesters, and in attendance. And they were all so great! To get genuine “hello again” hugs (and handshakes, I guess, for the Dads) from 18-19 year-olds that you’ve known since they were in Kindergarten together, is absolutely, 100% The Best. They didn’t stick around us parents long, but still. Everyone felt festive and relieved that we all made it through the challenge of sending our birdies out of their nests; I felt it physically, a lightness and joy regarding their being with us, at this “adult” party, actually being adults.
There was a moment when I was seated at a round table with my friend Emily, and we were having deep conversations about important topics, but also laughing, and I realized how happy and comfortable I was. Granted, I’d finished my large glass of Cabernet. I was bound to feel good and I do get lovey when I’ve had a drink.
But nevertheless, it was a very good party. I had made guacamole which was well received. I’d also found a pretty sweater top I forgot I had, that fit me nicely. I didn’t spill anything, ha! Kate had a party of her own to go to (which was a happy coincidence, she wouldn’t have enjoyed this party). It just all worked out perfectly. I’m going to try to remember it when I inevitably feel sad that we’re not doing more socializing over the rest of the holidays.
Friday, December 16
Four Days In A Row
- Shipping presents to my parents and to Aunt Jane (today! I hope!)
- Making meal plans for the holiday break (Alex is home! Gotta make sure some of his faves are on the menu so he'll long for home when he goes back, lol)
- Shopping for the holiday break, including baking ingredients
- Cleaning the kitchen, before making more messes
- Making Christmas treats/cookies
- Duh, present-wrapping (my closet is a mess of hidden shipments and boxes)
- Addressing Christmas cards, ack, I am so behind on that!
- Getting starting with the guest room overhaul - I would like to rework the guest room significantly over break and that means taking a bunch of stuff to Goodwill or throwing it out
Tuesday, December 6
Packaged Foods I Love
Monday, November 28
Thanksgiving
I don't owe anyone any explanations, and most everyone reading here already knows this, but it's been a long time and here's where I've been: Shawn's mom passed away. It was sudden, very unexpected. So we've been to Savannah and back again, had Thanksgiving at home, and are going back to Savannah this weekend for the funeral (one thing I appreciate about the pandemic is that it made postponing those kinds of things acceptable).
It is, of course, still hard to believe she's gone. She was only 76 and we thought in fairly good health. She was certainly still active enough. Last night when I was dishing up bowls of turkey gumbo for our dinner, I had the feeling she should be calling. She always called at dinnertime. We're reminded once again that life is so short, and we never know when our time will come.
We had a quiet Thanksgiving at home. Alex was here from Tuesday - Friday (he had to go back to play with the marching band on Saturday) and I was proud of myself for getting the meal all ready on time. My tribute to Susan was that I made her dinner rolls ("yeast rolls" on my yellowed recipe card). It was my first time doing that by myself; I had helped her once or twice by rolling them out and buttering/folding over, but I'd never made the dough. I think I need to work on it for the future, but they were edible. I also borrowed -- well, I guess I don't have to give it back -- her Bundt pan and made this pumpkin spice cake, which was delicious and, in my opinion, cake is more enjoyable than pumpkin pie.
For myself, I'm feeling some grief-like ...uncertainty is the word, I guess. Just like everything is hovering slightly above ground; like gravity doesn't fully work right now. Like I don't really have a handle on our calendar or the day-to-day things, even though I probably do. I wonder when it will all settle? An out-of-town coworker made me teary on Zoom today when she offered to mention Susan in her rosary prayer group tomorrow. What a gift to have people praying for you and your loved ones, and their souls. What a gift it was to know my mother in law. I'm thankful.
Tuesday, November 8
Sports Lessons
It's about to be club volleyball season again, so last night Kate and I went to her club's gym for Day 2 of tryouts. It was not one bit fun.
(Well, I was happy to see mom-friends from last season, but the mood of the room was pretty fraught.)
Our club, for whatever reason, conducts tryouts "from the top down." I don't know if all the volleyball clubs do it this way. On Day 1, this means they begin forming their #1 team, a team at the "national" level that will travel to multiple tournaments outside our immediate geographic area. Kate and I prefer a "regional" team, which plays most of its tournaments in the Atlanta metro, but does travel out of town for one tournament (driving distance). And you can indicate, up front, which types of teams you are trying out for (there's also a "local" level which is exclusively in-town tournaments).
Of course the very most ambitious girls usually want to be on a national team. Kate wants to, too, but for budget and time reasons, that's out of reach for us. I can't justify spending for plane tickets or gasoline, and hotels, 8 or 9 weekends of the spring, plus a final trip to Orlando in the summer. And I can't just take off work whenever I want to on a Friday to go to these tournaments. So we chose "regional" on the sign-up form. It's still stupid expensive at that level, but at least manageably so.
Naturally then, she didn't get picked for the #1 or #2 teams which are national. On Day 2 they started building the #3 regional team. All the girls rotate around the courts and gyms, playing non-stop while the various coaches stand on the sidelines with clipboards and iPads, making notes. One by one, girls get called over by coaches, and there they receive their offer to be part of a team.
It's brutal. For many reasons. Number one, and my mind has been trying to formulate this thought all weekend, is that we PAY to tryout -- so we pay for the privilege of hoping that we'll get offered the chance to... pay them more money as a member of a team. Highway robbery, no?
More important than that, though, is that as your daughter is playing her heart out, trying to show off her very best skills, she's seeing her friends and teammates get called over, while she maybe doesn't. If she's not called early in the day, then she knows she isn't being chosen for the higher level teams, which is discouraging. The later it gets, the worse she feels. And yet she has to keep playing her best.
Anyway, Kate was the very last of her friends to be pulled last night, with about 20 minutes left of the tryout. She was offered a spot on the #5 team, which to her, means she isn't very talented at all. (I argue this point -- the #3, #4, #5, and #6 teams are all "regional," and so I see them as all the SAME level, but Kate does not.) She isn't on the same team as many of her friends from last year (most of whom got offers for the #4 team). So to her, it was a failure. AND YET, as I keep trying to gently point out to her -- some girls in that gym played until the very end and got NO offer.
Is this the most heartless of systems, or is it just my momma heart that can't take it?
I hope that in a few weeks the pain of the tryout will blow over and she will be making new friends on her new team, and they will play well together. Sports, man. They're not for the weak.
Tuesday, October 18
The Care Package Dilemma(s)
- He came home after two weeks, again after five weeks, and a third time after 7 weeks. While I have loved getting to see him, it does sort-of preclude the SENDING of a little giftie.
- We went to see HIM! We enjoyed our first football game in Athens and that, too, negated the need to send him something.
- Other people have beat me to it! His girlfriend's mom got a package to him last week, as did his Gammy! So now it's another "reset" - I feel like I need to wait to send him anything lest his room be covered up in candy and granola bars! And by the time he runs low on supplies it will be Thanksgiving!
Thursday, October 13
Not Feeling Writer-y
Monday, September 26
"Go Dawgs" and "Glory, Glory"
Wednesday, September 14
A Morning Walk, and Other Pleasantries
Friday, August 26
5 on a Friday
Tuesday, August 16
Dinners this week, now with less Alex
- While waking up at 5am was not fun, the 8am move-in slot was a good call -- fewer people around, fresh volunteers ready to help, short lines, etc.
- It was GOOD that his roommate wasn't there yet, because we could get set up easily, using the 2nd bed area to toss empty boxes and stash things while we got situated.
- It was not so good that his roommate wasn't there yet, for loneliness/homesickness reasons after we parents left.
- On the other hand, maybe that was also good.
- Rolling bins! The school provided these deep, wide bins to take things up in the elevator. We got all of Alex's worldly possessions in one bin (plus a few things carried by hand) and made it in ONE trip! This was amazing. The dorm he's in is 9 stories; elevators are critical! Thankfully Alex is on the 3rd floor and right near a staircase if he's ever in a hurry.
- We were grateful that a huge rain burst didn't start while we had an open cart outdoors -- it waited until we were done moving in, safely under a roof!
- Making a bunk bed is still a PITA! I remember from the one year I had one, ugh. This is why college kids never wash their sheets and I can't say I blame them.
- It's so much easier to have a BOY, particularly one who doesn't care too much about decor. We didn't even get him a futon, just a mini papasan chair. We saw a lot of dads carrying in lots of extra things, like bins and curtains and rugs and ottomans! We did our best to make Alex's tiny room livable, with a small rug, throw pillow, blanket and bookshelf, but... it still looks like a dorm. He has what he needs. (I do hope he'll hang some pictures on his walls but I left that to him -- it's his room, after all.) These moms who do a full-scale magazine spread for their kids are not letting the kid BE HIS OWN PERSON, in my opinion. Have you seen this crazy dorm-room Instagram account? We don't live in MS, but wow, that makes me want to throw things. People HIRE someone to do these. To decorate a DORM. Insanity.
- We took him to (a delicious) lunch, one last little trip to Target, and then we had to leave. It was as terrible as you would expect it to be, for me. I got so choked up. And could see the tears in his eyes, too. I remember that, being in his shoes. Wanting to be brave and excited, but feeling so nervous at the same time.
- Enough of that. I let the tears fall quite a bit in the car on the way home, but I know he's okay and I'm excited for him. Band camp started Saturday morning bright and early, roommate moved in Sunday and I was able to send a little bag with a couple more things I thought he needed. He's doing it! It's going to be great!
Wednesday, August 10
Hardest Part
Wednesday, August 3
Make a list
- I'm grateful for a work from home day, after a frustrating day at my office yesterday (very dumb meeting, very dumb "project" walking around "helping" my manager decorate the walls (she did not need any help, it was useless for me to be there)). Today I am home with my best coworkers, the cats, and my Alex, with whom I only have 10 days left!
- I'm grateful for my parents, who generously financed a 529 account for Alex 18 years ago, which I used this morning to pay our first bill from the University of Georgia.
- I'm grateful for the Zell Miller Scholarship (funded by the state, available to every student who meets GPA and SAT/ACT qualifications and goes to school in-state), which funded the tuition portion of that bill (but which, despite everyone's misperceptions, does not even cover half the cost of attendance - the educators around here make it sound like it's a free ride. It is not. Still, money on the table if a kid has the grades).
- I'm grateful for having dinner last night with Alex's soon-to-be roommate and his family. We're not all besties yet, but we did exchange phone numbers and had some good laughs and Mexican food, and I know that in time we're going to feel more comfortable with each other.
- I'm grateful that the roommate himself is a chatty, interesting (and nice) dude; I think he'll help Alex come out of his shell a bit, conversationally, and I envision their dorm room will be a fun place to hang out. (I so loved the freshman dorm vibe when I was in college; I am grateful for those memories and hopeful Alex will have a similar experience.)
- I'm grateful that even though the stupid "here comes the bus" app has yet to work correctly this semester, Kate has made it to school each morning with no issues.
- I'm grateful she has had such a good first 2 days at school, seems to be meeting people and making friends, and is enjoying her classes. Hooray for getting over the hump of starting a new school!
- I'm grateful she is enrolled in both French I and Chorus, so that I can re-live my younger years vicariously through her! (So. Geeked.)
- I'm grateful for friends checking on each other via text message, as we countdown to the first day of school here locally, and the upcoming days when we are moving our big kids into their dorms!
- I'm grateful for my husband being so steady and dependable, and for always making me laugh even when I'm trying to be moody.
- I'm grateful for good sleep.
- I'm grateful for work to do today.
- I'm grateful for breath in my lungs and a body to move around in.
Thursday, July 28
High School Orientation! and Clothes
Another rite of passage today: Took Kate to Orientation for high school. There isn't too much to tell, really. She was nervous, but handled it. Met one girl in her homeroom (yay!) and saw the couple of kids she knows. She said she feels better after having gone, so the event served its purpose. One day left of summer vacation.
I do love our high school. Today, part of the parent presentation was to introduce our new mascots (our mascot is a bulldog) -- real live dogs in the building, wearing cute little dog-sized football jerseys in the team's colors!
Moving on: Let's talk for one minute about how GREAT school uniforms are -- or, were, in our case. Kate is most nervous about what to wear every day, and I totally get it. I've been thinking about trying a clothes-rental subscription. Did you know this is a thing? My sister does it. She always has something cute on, and it turns out, she rents all these things!
You get a box with, from what I can tell, 4-6 new pieces based on your style profile, and you wear them for a month, then send them back. And then you get another shipment! To me it seems like a perfect, chef's-kiss solution for teenage girls who are so fickle in what they like ("in" today, trash tomorrow!) and always want new, cute things. Of course these would be used cute things, but let's not dither over details. I also like that it's that "sustainable fashion" mindset; instead of buying something and wearing it a couple of times and then throwing it away or giving it to Goodwill, you send it back and someone else enjoys it.
Of course I would feel like I wasn't giving equal kid-treatment since her brother definitely was NOT offered such a thing. But boys wear athletic shorts and tshirts every day. Dressing a girl is a different animal entirely.
It's somewhat expensive -- around $80-90 per month usually. But I don't know... maybe? I have spent an average of MUCH MORE than $80/month on clothes for Kate in the last 4 months. Granted, we've been trying to build a bit of a wardrobe after 9 years of plaid skirts and knee socks. But it seems like this would be a wise investment. I wonder if she would be at all interested. I'm not seeing a "teen" option on any of the sites so far, but maybe that's okay? Better, even, since there would be fewer teeny tiny crop tops that are barely a shirt.
---haha, Edited to add: I mentioned this to Kate just now and she is NOT interested. She says, "That would be so weird." Oh well. Keeping it here in case maybe you are intrigued, dear Reader! :)
Tuesday, July 19
Stretchy, and Plowing through Summer
Tuesday, July 5
Stress, a Legacy
- Spicy Garlic Lime Chicken: I made this once when the kids were at summer camp and Shawn and I liked it. Instead of Cayenne pepper, though, since they're here, I'm going to sub smoked paprika and hope it goes over equally well. And I'm going to roast some potatoes to serve with it.
- Mexican Rice: Yum, with crumbled Fritos on top!
- One-Pot Kielbasa Pasta: Turned out amazing; instead of diced tomatoes, which I inexplicably did not have in the pantry, I used up the zucchini, broccoli, and red bell pepper I had in the fridge. Really, really good.
- For the 4th of July, I made this yummy Spicy corn dip! You should try it, especially if you like jalepenos. It's great with tortilla chips and also Wheat Thins!
Friday, June 10
Friday Five: Health, books, friends, and (2) kids
1. Health update: I finally got a negative Covid test this past Tuesday, thank goodness! Took forever... and I punished myself, I guess, by continuing to test so many times, hoping. But anyway, I'm so glad that's over. I still feel some lingering effects, like a persistent need to clear my throat a little, and by the end of the day, I get a little stuffy nose. For those general two weeks, I was having to allow myself some afternoon naps -- I got so tired! Made me even more grateful for WFH, not that they would have allowed me to the office with Covid. Both the nose thing and the fatigue seem to be getting better now. (I would still like to allow myself naps, however!) I never lost taste/smell, thank the heavens above.
2. I got new books! One afternoon last week, while both kids were at a graduation party from 2 until 8, I took my solo trip to Barnes & Noble. It was so fun. I came back with a copy of The Borgia Confessions, which I hope will be good. It's been a good while since I've read a 15th-century Catholic-church-scandal-drama, lol. From now until the beach trip, I downloaded from the e-library an Emma Donohue novel, The Pull of the Stars, set during the time of the 1918 flu epidemic. Appropriate! So far I love it.
3. For my birthday we had a double-date! We never do a ton of double-date-nights with friends, well... because we don't feel like we HAVE that many couple-friends, really. Or schedules don't line up. (People who have kids, y'know?) But for my birthday, I decided that's what I wanted to do. We made plans with Allegra, my best band-mom buddy, and her husband, and had a lovely, lovely time! A couple of peach bellinis helped, to be sure, but even without those I think we would have enjoyed it. (I only felt slightly bad that I chose to go out without the kids for my birthday. Then I stopped that thought; sometimes you have to allow yourself a wish granted. I deserved it.) Last night, we met up with the family of Alex's future UGA roommate for pizza. It was also fun, and they said they'd like to get together a few more times before the boys head to school. A little as if they're interviewing us repeatedly, Shawn pointed out, but I still want to. ;) So yay!
4. Alex is enjoying some downtime after a very full, very non-stop senior year. I'm glad for him. He deserves to rest and relax; he's reading for pleasure, gaming, sleeping really late. I even think he's been bored some of these afternoons. (Good!) This week, though, he had his very first job interview. Fingers crossed, because I can't have him bored all summer, and a little spending money will be nice for him to have. Yesterday he and I went to lunch at Panda Express, one of his favorites. I'm trying not to think about the finite number of days we have left with him at home....
5. Kate is away at WinShape. In every photo we've seen, she seems utterly happy, no surprise. But I woke up in the night thinking, among many other things for over an hour, about how she's cut off from her 8th grade friends this week (phones aren't allowed), and the minute she gets back we'll be going away again, to the beach. I guess July will require some social events planned for her. I want her to keep those friends close.
Hooray for Fridays! We have Alex's senior piano recital tonight, and maybe tomorrow we'll see a movie (and maybe do some dorm shopping? At least that's one thing I'd like to do...).




