Hovering: 5 on a Friday

The last 2 days, I find I've been hovering around my blog archives, re-reading old posts and trying to spark something in my head that seems worth writing about... without much success. But I'm here again, and it's a Friday, and I definitely don't feel like opening the spreadsheet that looms on today's work to-do list, so I'm going to give it the ol' college try. 

1. Health 

I mentioned The Blue Zones documentary the last time I posted, and I'm still slightly obsessed with it. I watched the super-short series a 2nd time, in fact, and registered for the "7-Day Reset" since it was only $11. It's not that I want to live to be 100 years old, necessarily, but I am indeed interested in living well, as I age -- living without pain/sickness as much as possible, and with measurable joy. The indication from the Blue Zones is that it's not only the food we eat, although that is an important aspect; but it's also about social interaction, and purpose, and movement and faith/outlook. (Reminds me of Friday Night Meatballs, which intrigued me so much about 10 years ago.) The ideas just appeal to me so much. I feel like we could probably implement them in our family, although we would have a hard time fully eliminating some of the snack foods, processed meat, nd sugary drinks that we all love. For now I'm leaning towards it; hovering around it; feeling curious.

2. Birthday!

This weekend -- tomorrow, in fact -- we are having Kate's Sweet 16 birthday party. She had originally asked if we would rent a cabin in the mountains, and drive her and 5 or 6 friends there to have a party and spend one night. "You and Dad can stay, too," she generously offered! Hahaha! We respectfully declined the whole thing, and I don't know where she got the idea that that was even a possibility (well, I do know: her friend had a little overnight trip to Callaway Gardens for her 16th birthday, which Kate got to attend). Anyway, we said we would sure do a nice party at our house for her, and so that is what we're doing. 

Yesterday we bought supplies. Today and tomorrow will be busy with preparations, I guess, but also she is taking her driving test at 1:30pm. All of this makes me feel a bit panicky, I will admit. But we can do it.

3. Organization and Planning

Related: Lately I am having the hardest time with organization and planning ahead. As in, I'm just incapable of it. I have tried, ohhhhhh, have I tried. I have a new year-at-a-glance calendar at my office, dutifully filled with the known events and dates for which I must plan. I try to set reminders. I have a paper planner. And I've made list after list after mind-map, brain-dump, list. Still, I can't seem to prioritize them properly so that I know, without doubt or distraction, what I need to accomplish on a given day. 

Not having concrete goals is probably a factor. Wisdom says you set the goal, you determine the steps needed to reach the goal, then you start taking the steps. In my current job, though, there are either too many goals, or none at all.

I guess the job is getting done (ish), even without a plan, at work and at home. But I sure would feel better if my mind was organized and on top of things, instead of free-wheeling, usually at the last minute. Here's a good example: Kate and I are going to an out of town volleyball tournament next weekend. I've known about this tournament since October/November. I have a hotel room, my ticket for the weekend, and she is obviously registered. I know it's in Orlando. Beyond that -- nothing. No plans have been made, no tournament website has been studied for details. I'm just going to show up and hope it works out.

I wonder if it's just this season of life? It's possible I've felt this way since Alex was about a junior in high school. Anyway, I don't like it.

4. Kitty kidneys

One of our cats, Ash, is having kidney trouble. This is the third week, I guess, that we've been dealing with it. He was sick and not eating, and now he is a good bit better and eating a little more. An x-ray determined he had some stones or crystals in one kidney, and we paid the exorbitant amount for an ultrasound follow-up. We're waiting on results from that. I'm just ready to be done with the acute management and move on to maintenance (hopefully without any required surgeries). The poor thing. He is mad at me for giving him meds and putting him in his travel crate so many times this last few weeks. 

5. Care less = be happier

Just a reminder to myself! Hope you, too, are carefree and happy on this Friday.

Two Lessons, and the day to day

There are two big lessons that are making my life better right now, that I want to share if only to remember them. In mid-January, I started listening to season 3 of the podcast, "The Dream." Have you listened to this? Season 1 was about MLMs, and how insidious they are, built and run by hucksters and jerks. Season 2 moved into investigating the "wellness" industry, which is also a whole bunch of bunk. I love the reporting style of the podcaster, and I just eat up topics like that. Season 3 took a look at Life Coaching, and hoo-boy, more snake-oil and bullshit for my listening pleasure! It all spoke to me, somehow, more deeply than I expected.

A lot of life coaching is "mindset work" and positive thinking, which probably started with a book called "Think and Grow Rich," written in the 1930s by, guess what: a liar/criminal/cheat/huckster! One of the things I took from this, and a few other episodes, is that all of our striving, positive-thinking and  visualizing ourselves successful -- the American Dream, basically -- does a number on our health. Both mentally and physically -- high blood pressure from stress, heart conditions, pain, etc. (Another part of life coaching is often the instruction to eat a little better, and move your body more, and that nugget is what gets people feeling better, in my opinion, not the mental gymnastics.)

I'm not explaining this well, but what it all added up to, for me, a little lightbulb moment, was that I need to care LESS. No one needs "life coaching," we need to be a little more active, get some sunshine. And we don't need to aim for A-plus work, or climb any Ladder. For me personally, I don't need to assume that there's "something better," some job that I'll love and will naturally excel at. I don't need to "grow" or achieve more, or any of that. I can do my work, get my paycheck, full stop. The end. Care less, be happier. 

I don't know exactly how the math worked for my brain, but that's the first lesson. Care less. (Something in there, too, about how WOMEN strive to prove ourselves all the dang time, while many men in business just glide along, doing less but getting more. Not you, honey, I know how hard you really do work, with 110% effort.) 

The second lesson came to me in prayer. And it was, simply, that I can lay down the burden of hating my job. Just let it go. I don't have to hate it. I can let the hate of it dissolve at God's feet, I don't need it anymore. And that has been such a relief. After so many years at this job, with several managers along the way who weren't good people, or weren't good to me, I don't have to keep feeling that way. Lay down that burden.

I think it also has to do with this being my 50th year on earth. Birthday coming up in June! :) I am here, THIS job, this life are what I have. So I'd better find some way to enjoy it. It's the only chance I get. I mean, I've known this all along, but it's really clicked into place in my brain here lately. Find something to enjoy, otherwise you're spending your life miserable. And, no, I haven't been miserable about my whole life, family always been great, something to be grateful for. But you know -- work is a pretty big chunk of daily life. So care less, be happier, find something enjoyable in this. Don't hate it.

Which brings me to the day to day! We're in full-swing club volleyball season, so Kate has practice T/TH/Su, and for 2 more weeks-ish, I am still driving her there. It's going well, actually, because I'm finding ways to use the waiting time (podcasts! and walking!). I can hardly believe she will have her license that soon. And it will be a relief as well as another kind of stress, obviously. She's so excited. 

My "not cooking much" era continues. However, last week I made a minestrone soup, and decided I could eat soup every night for dinner if you let me. There are so many good kinds! Alas, my family is very much Against that idea. Too bad. 

I'm still seeing the chiropractor (more like a therapist), and my plantar fasciitis is not better. I am dealing with it. I know it's some kind of stress that is stuck; at least that's what she says. My back doesn't hurt (today). I've been working on engaging the deep core with some Pilates -- still less time for exercise than I'd like, overall, but it's a work in progress. 

I'm watching the Blue Zones on Netflix (LOVE - this is where I got the idea for minestrone), many seasons of The Great British Baking Show, and I'm happy Abbott Elementary is finally back. Shawn and I together are watching Reacher, and True Detective season 4, both good. And I finally got back into reading, at the end of January! I loved Daisy Jones and the Six, read it in one rainy day; and I am now loving (LOVING!) Steven King's Fairy Tale. 

I'd better get back to my job. Even though I'm not concerned about it! Haha! I like this way of being. 

Poet

Career Changer

I turned 49

And now, I'm listening

to my

    heart's whispers.

We're supposed to -- women.

Know our souls. Claim our    

   power.

I don't know 

  so much about that.

But I do know

I've always thought it would be

the best job -- poet.

    observe, reflect, write words:

Skills on my resume.

What is stopping me? Nothing.

   I'm a poet, then.

Summary: Creative human, seeking

    position with...

So I'm a poet now.

    This is, in fact, a poem.

-------

P.S. I'm not changing my career (just yet). And I'm not (I don't think) losing my marbles. I actually wrote this last summer, by hand, in a little journal that has some other writing prompts at the tops of pages. I thought it was funny and it's true, I DO think it would be the best job, to be a poet. If only it paid, haha! But the thought came to me again this morning while I drove to my actual job -- of poems, poetry, being a poet. Does anyone even read them anymore? 

You're a poet if you say you are - I don't think there's a certification required. Anymore, you can just start a poetry Instagram account, and there you are. I'm too scared to do that, but I wish I weren't. Maybe I will. Anyway, I wanted to save all of those thoughts here, silly as I feel doing it. Understand: very silly. 

Well, 2024!

As you can see, I took a big break from this, for Thanksgiving and all of December. It was mostly necessitated by my job and my calendar. It's not that I haven't felt reflective through all of those days, but there are limited hours, you know? To compose my thoughts here just hasn't felt like a priority these last months. 

I've actually spent a lot of time thinking about 2023, though, and have concluded it is important for me to surrender it -- to lay it down and leave it in the past. I'm also walking into the new year with no concrete  resolutions. I want this year to be lived instead of just survived. I want to enjoy things, not just get through them. I want to feel unbothered, not always behind. I want to feel hopeful and sure, and I feel like the only way to do any of these things is to take one day at a time, with openness.

Late yesterday, I saw a job listing that immediately caught my eye and piqued my interest. I hit "Apply," then sent a quick email as well. Auspicious, on January 1? Maybe. It felt good to go to sleep last night with a little hope in my heart, that I might wake up to a positive reply. (Nothing yet, but the day is young.)

Here's wishing that same small-but-significant amount of hope to get all of us going every day in this new year.

Briefly: Thanksgiving plans

I'm so happy it's Thanksgiving Week (except for the fact that I didn't take the full week off like I have the last few years, because our school district gives kids a whole week off). Thanksgiving is a favorite holiday, because it's forced down-time without the pressure of gift-giving. It's understood that there WILL be time spent on a couch, watching football. And it's all the good food, including the leftovers and the turkey gumbo afterwards. 

It also "hits different," as the kids say, when you have one in college. Alex is heading home Tuesday after his last shift at work; he tried to offer that shift to his co-workers but, surprise, no one wanted it. But no matter, Tuesday night through Sunday is a nice, long time to have him home. I scrubbed his bathroom thoroughly this past weekend, and during that process, wondered if it's related to the nesting we do as pregnant moms -- prepping the space/home somewhat frantically for the baby to come stay. I kind-of love the idea that it's the same thing, years later. (But also, his bathroom just had a layer of yuck, from extreme neglect.) 

I'm excited to have Thanksgiving dinner in our newly-painted dining room. We hung up some things on the pristine walls -- new to the room, though not to our house. It's fun to have mixed it up like that, and I really love how it turned out. Here are before and after:

   

We still need a rug, but how much do you love that color?! Heart-eyes! I love it so much. We think it's going to be a (fun) shock to Alex's system, to come home to the new floors and new paint in several places. 

I'm roasting our turkey with apples, onions, and citrus inside the cavity, hoping for juicy and flavorful. I'm making my family's sausage dressing. Plus the usual mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans (not casserole, but two different kinds), gouda mac and cheese, and homemade rolls. And a fun dessert! 

Weather permitting, I also hope there will be time in the backyard, perhaps with a fire in the fire pit. I want to have this drink in a warm mug. 

I wish all of you a happy holiday, filled with rest and peace. Those are the things I'm hoping to get out of it.

All of the Things

Here are some things going on:

1. We got new floors in our house! Thanks to our darling kitties, the carpets were looking terrible:  Scratched all to heck at the thresholds, and many-times yuked-upon, unfortch (part of having cats). So now, the whole downstairs, the stairs themselves, and the upstairs hallway are a beautiful dark wood-looking Luxury Vinyl Plank, scratch- and water-resistant, and I LOVE them. I could not believe that the installers did all of it in ONE DAY. Granted, it was a very long day, and I felt imprisoned in my bedroom (with the equally imprisoned cats), but it was impressive and worth it. It feels like a grown-up house now. ;) We need a few area rugs. 

2. Because we emptied the large downstairs furniture, including bookcases in the living room and china cabinet in the dining room, we are now going to paint those rooms. And the half-bath. And, while we're at it, the rest of the upstairs rooms that we have wanted to paint since we moved in. The previous owners of this house painted everything a neutral (but yellow-y) sand color, and many of those walls are scuffed up now, not to mention boring. The master bed and bath, the office, the kids' bathrooms, and the guest room are all up next. It's going to be a big job, and we are hiring it out, not doing it ourselves, but still I have a little case of overwhelm about it at the moment. Hoping to get the downstairs done by Thanksgiving. The rest, I'm not sure. (I'm excited about it, yes! But overwhelmed.) 

3. Many, many job things. A 3-day meeting to plan. A product to relaunch. Two catalogs to edit and print. Plus all the stupid little things that come up every single day in my Inbox. Today I had an idea about how I could possibly remain a valuable member of the team ("retain top talent" is a goal of my manager), but not have to handle all of these marketing things. I wonder if I'm brave enough to speak to our HR manager about this idea.

4. A little freelance job. Thanks to my former manager for sending this easy work my way! It's fun work (proofreading), and an extra little pay will be nice. 

5. Helping my parents discern whether they need to move into assisted living, hire more in-home help, move here, stay there, or what. (Hi, Mom!) Of course this is a huge topic; more than I can blog about. I spent last week in FL with them and my sister and we had the major discussions about options, finances, long-term care insurance (a web of confusion if ever I saw one, second only to dealing with the VA), and their wants and needs. We're nowhere near a decision point, I don't think, but just having the conversations (and putting them into a spreadsheet, thanks Jilly!) is progress. 

6. Club volleyball started this past Sunday. So it's time to drive to and from practice 3 days a week and get ready for weekends to be spoken-for, woo-hoo! 

7. The social life of a teenage girl! My goodness, do these kids ever slow down? No. No, they do not. If there isn't a practice or an event, they find a way to create one. Like last night, around 4, she told/asked me if she and her 5 friends could go to dinner and a movie (there's no school today)? And could we please drive? I was still finishing my workday and had been thinking how nice it would be to make an easy dinner, eat, and just chill for one night this week. I can't decide if it's just Kate's personality as an extrovert, or is it the fact that she has a large group of friends... Probably both. But once again, I find myself counting down the days until she is driving (reluctantly, reluctantly, my babeeeee on the road...) so that I can catch my breath! I will say, we did drive them to dinner last night and Shawn and I ate at the same place, several tables away of course. So it was a win in some ways! 

8. We're going into the busiest season of the year, lol! Bring on the holidays, because why not?! Thanksgiving will likely be at home, and I'm hoping we can go to FL-home for Christmas with Mom and Dad. I've bought one gift so far, and Shawn has bought one. Let's choose to say we're ahead of the game! 

I'm grateful for this full life! Taking it one thing, one day at a time. Seeking the joys. 

A fine October morning

(Even though it's a Monday.) 

It's 47 degrees, currently. What bliss! I had to wear a vest-jacket and layers! And socks! Definitely not sandals weather this morning. I live for this time of year. Hot coffee, bathrobe, heavy comforter, fuzzy socks, and sweatshirts: Welcome back! 

As I rev up my work-engine for a very busy week, with a meeting I'm sort-of in charge of, on Friday, and some office visitors T-Th (UGH to all of it), I'm still thinking about this past weekend. We had tickets to the UGA football game and we had such a nice day of it. 

The game was at 7:00 pm, so thankfully we did NOT have to wake up at the crack of dawn to drive there in time. Instead, we had a leisurely morning and left the house around noon. It helped that we didn't have tailgate plans, although in the future, I wouldn't MIND having tailgate plans -- it seems to be a very fun activity for game day and I bet the food involved would be better than stadium pizza. Not to mention having a little adult drink would be nice. 

Anyway, we arrived around 2:30, walked through campus toward the stadium, stopping at a couple of tailgates where we had friends. I had to explain to Kate that there's a code of tailgate etiquette, and that we couldn't simply invite ourselves to join these friends, only stop by to say hello. She was disappointed and so am I, frankly, but you have to have manners. We had places to be, anyway: wanted to catch the Dawg Walk with the band, and see Alex as much as we could when he wasn't required elsewhere. He was very sweet to come and find us whenever he had free time. And the band sounded great and so festive, as usual. 

The weather was just picture perfect. Sunny but cool/breezy, especially in the shade. The game was exciting -- our guys won -- and we hadn't ever experienced a night game before. It's extra atmosphere, for sure. Worth staying out really late and walking what felt like miles to and from our car. 

Afterwards, Alex let us come to dinner with him and several alto-sax buddies including 2 of his roommates. It was simple, not a party or rowdy at all, like you might imagine. These band kids are tired after a full day of being in uniform, and just want some food. ;) I was touched that Alex left the table where he had been sitting to join the three of us instead. 

A lot of little moments, in fact - when he texted to say he had some extra time and could come find us again; when he gave us long hugs; at dinner; some of our conversation about his girlfriend - are evidence to me of how he's maturing. I mean, Alex has never been particularly immature, but it's really neat to watch him change ever so slightly. And it's gratifying that he doesn't mind being with us. He might actually even enjoy it. :) 

We do get to see him again tonight, since the band is coming to our county to perform for a bunch of high school band kids! Yay!

But this morning, I'm trying to hold onto the big joys from the weekend and face whatever "adventure" lies ahead in my Inbox.  

Chiropractic Care, aka Self Care

Earlier this month I decided I had thrown everything else at my foot pain issue, I might as well try chiropractic care. My insurance seems to cover it (so far), so why the heck not? 

Plus, the most recent foot repair thing I tried, the night splint, had possibly caused me to torque my back strangely while I slept, and I have been having significant back pain (lower right, and it's my right foot that gives me trouble) the last 3 weeks or so. I wake up unable to bend forward, and in the beginning there was pain all day and through the night too. Are they related? Maybe, maybe not... but a holistic type of doctor seemed like a good way to find out. And one of the only options left that I hadn't tried, lol sob.

I really like it. I've been going twice a week. I've never been afraid of pops and cracks in my spine -- I was definitely that girl who could crack her back loudly, all the way up, when I was a teen (and now Kate does it and makes me cringe). This doctor talks me through things, is very open with what she's doing, what she sees and feels in my body, and that's refreshing. The popping and cracking she causes don't seem very severe to me, yet she seems really pleased when she hears them. Today, on my 5th visit, was the first time she popped anything in my neck. It made me nervous but felt fine, and she seemed astounded at the response she heard. I hope it will do something. So far I have a bit of a headache this time, which is expected after an adjustment. 

Progress seems to be slow, but noticeable, at least in my back. Especially immediately afterwards. She says that after about 6 weeks, adjustments start to "hold" and the body starts to feel better. (Hopefully the foot, too?? Please please please.)

It's kind-of like massage, in that I feel the need to take it slowly the rest of the day after a visit, drink lots of water. And it's very much like what I assume therapy is, because we talk a lot about stuck emotions being the cause of a lot of physical pains. (Of course I have cried while there - so how can my pain be stuck when I have always let my emotions out, with no problem?! But maybe it can.) We talk about diet, movement, breathing. All things I know, but don't always practice at 100%. I feel like she gets me; we're similar age/stage in life. 

Today she mentioned a book called Burnout. (She must mean this one.) My sister and I have been talking about that recently, as well, regarding our jobs. I haven't felt like I personally was experiencing "burnout," because I'm not physically or emotionally TIRED all the time. I haven't even felt particularly stressed lately... yes, there's a lot to do, but I've pretty much decided it doesn't matter if I get it done or not - no one really gives me deadlines, it's just me... and it's all bullshit anyway. I've been doing my prayer and meditation, I can find 5 things every day to be grateful for. I'm fine, you know? Blessed. On good days, work is just something to do, something that allows me to receive a paycheck. (On worse days, I probably haven't exercised and I scroll LinkedIn in a panic: "I have to get out of this, I have to get out of here.") 

However, I read a definition just now, and this part made me raise my eyebrows:

Emotional signs and symptoms of burnout:

Sense of failure and self-doubt.

Feeling helpless, trapped, and defeated.

Detachment, feeling alone in the world.

Loss of motivation. Increasingly cynical and negative outlook.

Decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment.

Umm. Check, check check check and check?  

Self-doubt, for sure. "I couldn't even GET a different job, I don't have the skills and I'm too old."

Feeling helpless, trapped, defeated? Very very trapped. Never see any opportunity that interests me.

Feeling alone. YES, at my job. Shan left. No one to talk to, share burdens with, at work. Work alone most of the time (which I LIKE, yes, but still).

Loss of motivation. Yep. Don't care. Cynical. Meetings are stupid. I do most work at the last minute possible. It doesn't matter anyway. I barely care if we make our numbers or not. 

Decreased sense of accomplishment. For sure. Whatever I am doing, it's only the bare minimum in my eyes. I'm convinced it's not GREAT work, it just gets the company by. 

(Oh, and one of the physical signs/symptoms is "frequent muscle pain.")

So that's... depressing. Interesting. An "opportunity," as they say. Perhaps I need to read the book. Anyway, I thought writing about it a little might help me FEEL my FEELINGS about it. Because the doctor encourages that.

Self care self care self care. After this I'm going for a gentle walk.

August Review

The notes not in parentheses are what I wrote in my planner/journal this morning: 

I definitely went to the office more regularly (didn't love it but a few free lunches were nice), drank more water, and maybe did more meditation and prayer (these were my stated Aug goals). Made some progress with the foot pain by buying 2 different night splints and using them. (Why my podiatrist skipped over that particular treatment suggestion, I do not know, but I'm mad at him about it. I'm nearly a year into this "journey." :/ But I think the splints are going to help.) Aug was so busy with school starting back, and high school vball. And Alex moving back to Athens. I wish there'd been a little more socializing (but the social aspects of hs vball have been good so far). 

I wish I could figure out when to go to P'cola for a visit. Guess that's a Sept. goal. 

Other wins: Took that PTO Friday and enjoyed reading, working out, doing NOTHING. Learned GHSA vball scorekeeping and libero tracking! InDesign projects (at work)! :) NEW appliances! New HHS vball friends, and Kate having her friends here last Friday (in the backyard, with the hanging lights)! :)

Looking fwd to in Sept: LONG WKND! Lots of HHS vb! Maybe cooler weather? Decorating for fall/Halloween. Flooring estimates and paint estimates. 

Monday morning mood

I'm not really in a "mood," but it is Monday morning. Mondays, it's so hard for me to get going; I'm not one of those, "let's attack the week!" types, lol. If you are, I probably don't like you. No, for me, it's a planning day of the week, not really a DOING day. (Also, I think there should be a BAN on weekend emails -- nothing new should be waiting for me when I first login. I'm still trying to remember what happened LAST week, and probably catch up to it.) 

Anyway, here I am: I've put my top tasks at the top of this week's planner page, and I'm sure half of those will be overtaken by whatever new Most Important Things are handed to me from other people throughout the day/week, sigh. No respect. At least I'm working from home today.

One fun thing on my calendar is New Kitchen Appliances. We bought them yesterday -- fridge, range, microwave, and dishwasher! Three of the four of those actually NEED replacing. Mostly the range -- the door and its handle are falling off, causing the glass-front to also fall off periodically. Usually while I'm cooking inside it. And it's not really something that can be repaired, it's plastic bits that have decayed and can't hold anymore. I mean, we've tried to repair it -- Shawn got washers and screws and has made it better, along with duct tape -- yes, I have duct tape keeping my stove together. So that is the impetus for the whole thing. Our fridge, too, has issues. The icemaker no longer works (first-world problem, we're using ice trays, the horror), and the motor makes a loud ticking noise sometimes if you open or close the doors. We have to shake or hit it to get it to stop. The dishwasher has done nothing wrong, it's just loud as all heck. Our microwave works perfectly, but it wouldn't match if we replaced the range, so... there you have it. BestBuy was selling them in bundles, so we bought the whole kit and kaboodle. I'm really excited. 

The NEW fridge has French doors, a bottom freezer drawer (swoon) and a special "Beverage Center," -- no, even more special than you're thinking - it's this one if you're curious. The oven will have both convection and AirFry options (how that works, I have no idea). The dishwasher is only 42 decibels and will once again have a "Delay Start" (our old house had an old, off-white (ew) dishwasher, but at least it offered that useful feature)! Delivery date for all four is August 5. We'll have to eat up everything in the old fridge/freezer before that date -- perhaps this means I won't go to the grocery store next weekend at all! We'll see. 

I can't believe summer is nearly over. Kate has one week left, and has already started some of her school volleyball season. In fact, HHS hosted a small tournament this past weekend, so we were there Thursday & Friday nights and all day Saturday. We met most of the other parents -- "our people" now, I guess -- and liked them quite a lot. Guess we'll be sitting in the stands with them, carpooling, and working in concessions. It's exciting to see your kid doing her thing, in an official uniform with her last name on it like some kind of superstar! (Oh, and she made a club volleyball team earlier in the month, in case you were wondering. It's going to involve slightly more travel than the last 2 years, and slightly more $, but hopefully we can manage it.)

Alex still has a week or two at home, but I'm trying to mentally prepare for him being gone again. :( I have a feeling we will see him less this fall than last, because he's been added to the travel marching band, so he'll be attending most of the Away games as well as the Home games (of the National Champions, I might add, Go Dawgs). He's going to be busy!

So life rolls along. This morning was nice and cool on the porch -- a relief, after a typical mid-July stretch where it's been much too hot to be outdoors, even at 7 am. I try to take care of myself with coffee and a 10-minute Calm.com meditation on the porch, as many days as possible. Even when I'm going to the office. 

And I'm trying to be open, to listen, to watch, for signs that will show me what's next for me with my job, if anything. I want a really clear sign. Like, hit me over the head clear. You might argue that I've already gotten it, what with all the poor treatment of me over the last 6 months. Each time, though, I've felt like I have to "wait out" whatever drama occurs -- Shan being fired, then my boss resigning, and now the new boss being hired. That was in May. He gave me a small raise so I feel a little bit beholden to him in gratitude, and I know he has discovered a lot of other problems he needs to fix. If I left now I'd definitely add to his burden. I also don't know where I'd go or what I'd do, yet. So that's the sign I'm looking for. Trying to be patient is difficult; I'd really love to rip the band-aid off and just hightail it out! I could hang out with my new appliances, making amazing dinners and desserts for my family, haha! But you know that's not me. I hope I'll know exactly when is the right time, and where I'm headed. 

Whoops, skipped June altogether

A meeting got cancelled just now so: found time! 

How've you been, blog friends? I am hanging in there. I've decided: I spent the first 6 months of the year grieving and railing against my new normal at work, but I want to be done with that mindset. I'm trying, as July begins, to move more lightly through it. It's JUST WORK, for gosh sakes, and it isn't brain surgery. I am doing my best. I am doing fine.

The new boss is working out okay so far. He seems to see the situation clearly. He did give me the small raise I should have gotten in January, and has promised to hire me half an assistant. (I'll have to share her, but I'm okay with that.) It might be an interesting new challenge to have a young person as a Direct Report. I assume she'll be young. It's weird, approaching the age of fifty and knowing that more than half of the work force is younger than you. But anyway, lightness and capability. I can do it, I am doing it. 

If I start regular exercise/walks again next week -- this week has been too hectic -- that will also help. I get really bummed out, and depressed, and downright hateful about work, when I don't workout. So the only way to continue managing this job with lightness and capability, until I can leave it, is to MANAGE the mental health. So say we all.

Meanwhile, home is in summer mode. I realized this week that it's my last year where summer will be harder than the schoolyear -- next summer, if all goes well, Kate will be driving. It will leave me free to go to the office without worrying that I need to take her somewhere or pick her up. YIKES. That is a gut-punch, as well as a huge relief. The very definition of "days are long, years are short." 

We had our family beach week in June (lovely long days in the hot sun and cool water); we repeated our July 4th from last year at Alex's girlfriend's neighborhood, with her parents; and tomorrow little AJ from blog-days of yore will turn 19! We have a lot to do in the next few weeks to get him ready to move to his first off-campus apartment in Athens. He doesn't yet have a bed, eek. I am counting on Amazon and Ikea to help us quickly resolve those issues. It's been so nice having him here this summer. 

Big deal today is club volleyball tryouts. Club season doesn't start until October, but tryouts for every club in town are this weekend. We're trying a new team this year, which makes us both, Kate and me, nervous as all get-out. Butterflies in the tummy, both for the new place as well as feeling weird/bad about leaving the old one. But we'll see what happens. Good vibes and prayers for Kate are appreciated! 

Lots of Good News

I have so many things I want to share, and I don't want to forget them all, so for this Friday, a quick brain cleanse with bullets:

• Alex and Kate both got straight As for 2nd semester of their respective freshman years! I mean, this is not a surprise but it's still mighty impressive, and wow, it's fun to be a parent and get to be proud of your kids for being hard workers, and smarty-pantses.
• Kate made the high school JV Volleyball team (tryouts were this week)! This relieves the sting from last year's disappointing result, for sure. It's going to be a fun fall season. I want to remember this, from the coach: She told Kate she was really impressed, that Kate had clearly worked on all the things she told her to work on last year, and she said, 'You proved me wrong.' !! Validation. And commendation because Kate did, indeed, work REALLY hard this year.
• My company hired a new General Manager and he seems nice enough... We'll see. There are some people who "only give him 6 weeks," but I'm hopeful it will be a good change.
• I have been told multiple times what a good job I'm going in my new role. I've had to admit out loud, to both the new manager and others, that it really has been hard. However, I'm starting to feel like I halfway know what I'm doing, and when this higher-up told me he could see that I'm more relaxed, and confident, THAT was a boost of confidence.
• Shawn closed on the sale of his mom's house! Huge weight lifted from him! Of course it's a mix of emotions, selling the home he grew up in. But he has worked so hard on all the paperwork and lawyer discussions and dealings with banks etc., and I'm so proud of him. It's been hard to sit on the sidelines but since I wasn't named an executor, it really was kinda all on his shoulders. 
• My mom's two procedures, a knee injection-in-lieu-of-replacement, and a carpal tunnel surgery, are both DONE and hopefully will be successful for her! Less pain is very much YAY. I'm so happy my sister and brother-in-law got to be with her this week to help her while she recovered.
• I just had a huge win at work, getting rid of a project that was an absolute albatross around my neck - the people affected were agreeable to it and I'm SO relieved.
• Kate was confirmed at church 2 weeks ago, and it was a JOY-FILLED 2 days, with her cousin -- the daughter of her godparents, incidentally -- coming to stay with us and serve as her Sponsor. I would love to write more eloquently about how I felt that night at the church, but I don't know if I can articulate it. We were surrounded by friends (kids and parents from her St. Joe's class of 9 years), a former neighbor and longtime church member who had known her since she was tiny, surprising her with a sweet card, PLUS having family there from out of town... it was a holy moment, indeed. My heart needed to feel that full, and it was so good.
• (And now for a complete shift,) I have done 5 full days of Intermittent Fasting (16 hours fasting/8 hours eating window) and it's not that hard, and I feel pretty good, like it's already a helpful thing for me. The book I ordered about it should arrive today. I am excited to delve a little further, and feel optimistic. The doctor/author seems to know her stuff, and says this way of eating helps not only weight loss, but all the other things as well. It reduces risk of disease, inflammation, blood pressure, etc etc etc. Snake-oil? We'll see, but I'm willing to give it a go.
• The weather has been lovely the last several days! I just had lunch on the front porch with Alex and it was cool, breezy, and I think I'm going to finish my workday here as well. 
• It's about to be a 3-day weekend! I hope you have something fun planned! We don't, really, but I am so grateful already for the day off, and for it being summer!

Cooking, and (More Important,) Eating

A friend of Shawn's had been ordering meals from EveryPlate, so we got a discount from them and opened an account. We've received 3 or 4 boxes, each with 3 meals inside. Mostly we've been only mid-whelmed. Not over- or under. The meals have been fine. (Only one that really didn't turn out well, a potato-corn chowder that I didn't even share with the family. I made it for myself, for lunch one day with plans to freeze it in lunch portions. I think I didn't like it because I didn't cut the potatoes small enough or cook them long enough.) 

Anyway, it's not that interesting, except to note that EveryPlate has the same parent company, or is the same company as, Hello, Fresh, to which we formerly subscribed. EP is supposedly less expensive, and I think that's been true. I do enjoy having to buy less on the weekly grocery store run, when a box is delivered. That's a plus for sure. However, this last time I didn't cook one recipe in time and the veggies went bad. 

Overall it's a thumbs-sideways. I'll cancel eventually and then look forward to the million emails and direct mailers/discounts trying to persuade me to come back. 

I'm not in a season of cooking every night, though, that's for sure! Kate's practice schedule, and Shawn's schedule from Jan - Mar, had us scattered to the winds about 4 nights out of 5 during the workweek. I have bought a LOT of Chick Fil A this schoolyear. And Chipotle. Those seem to be our go-to take-out choices. 

BTW, at Chipotle, I have tried, and like, their plant-based Sofritas. It's tofu, but delicious. I don't care for the amount of chicken those Big Burrito places feel is necessary; it's too much chicken! 

When I was in Germany, I once again ate delicious Schnitzel and Kartoffelsalat. And now I feel I need to learn to make them both, for my kids' heritage's sake.

So, what's been on our menu this week? I'll tell you. 

M - Chick-Fil-A After Kate's May extracurricular: Beach Volleyball! 

T - EveryPlate pork soft tacos. These were good, there just wasn't a TON of flavor. But this was one that called for a long green pepper, which went bad, so I had to use a regular red pepper instead, and that might have made a flavor difference. We did enjoy having soft tacos - usually when I make tacos, it's Old El Paso hard shells (the best!), but these thick flour tortillas were a nice change-up.

W - Homemade Pizzas. Kate and I had EP veggie/BBQ/pineapple Flatbreads, technically, and Shawn had pepperoni on naan. 

Th - Tonight I plan to make White Bean Chicken Chili. Haven't had it in a lonnnnnng time. And I think today is the last day before it heats up significantly (properly! this Spring has been too cold so far!), and chili is for cold weather. 

F - Helpie Selfie or leftovers.

S - Out, in Athens I hope. We're going over there to bring back a first load of stuff from Alex's dorm room. He moves out next week! I can't believe his first year is already done!

Hello and How Are You?

Here it is, nearly MAY! Can you believe it? The past month has been so incredibly full, and I've tried to stay present in the moments, but that has been a challenge with Future Things always begging for my attention. A quick recap: 

• April began with a 2-day trip to Panama City Beach in FL for part of our Spring Break. It was nice! Kate brought a friend, and it was wonderful for her to have that added element of fun; in fact, there were several other of their Georgia friends also enjoying the Gulf Coast, so for her it was really a very social vacation. Even Shawn and I had some friends down there, and we met up with them for dinner one evening. Fun! The condo was adequate, though not extravagant. Slightly bigger than the condo we are used to in Destin, but of course this was in a 30-story tower. Elevator access was our main complaint - we had to wait at least several minutes every time we wanted to go up or down (we were on the 14th floor). But overall it was fine. The sun and sand were delightful and we sat there doing NOTHING, 2 days straight. Five Stars for doing nothing! The water was much too cold, as can be expected in early April in north Florida. 
• The next weekend was Easter, which was weird for all of us. Alex didn't come home. Shawn had left town for a concert the night before, and wasn't home on Easter morning. Kate and I went to Mass and then to breakfast, but it didn't feel right. We made Easter dinner around 5 pm but I was also disappointed with that meal - I bought a Honey Baked Ham but I didn't find it as delicious as usual, and my deviled eggs weren't pretty. At least the lemon icebox pie was good.
• There was a 2-day volleyball tournament halfway across town the next weekend (we woke up at 4:45 both mornings), and then Sunday afternoon I left for Germany!
• The work trip to headquarters was actually quite nice, even though I have things to complain about: 1) I got sick on the way there, sore throat and stuffy nose the whole week; and 2) rainy, cold weather. But otherwise, my colleagues were delightful and I love Bavaria. I also got to meet a distant cousin of mine who is German! My parents had met him years ago when they visited Germany, and so Mom connected us. A little awkward to share a meal with someone you've never met, who's "all of a sudden" related to you. But nice nonetheless and definitely a trip highlight.
• I flew home last Friday, then we had volleyball regionals Sat-Sun, and then Mon-Tues we hosted a national sales meeting at OUR office, oh my! 10 sales reps plus some attendees from Germany! I gave a presentation (worked on it at the airport/hotel last week) and was told it was "inspiring." Ha! Not sure I believe that, but okay, thanks.
• You'd better believe I worked from home Wednesday.
  
  
• Also on Wednesday, I "graduated" from Physical Therapy! 8 weeks and many deductible dollars later, my foot still hurts in the mornings, but definitely less so. I'm going to keep working on lower-body strength and stretching 3x/week, and hope hope hope it fully heals eventually. 

I'm ready to move on to a new month! I can't think critically about much else besides my calendar these days, but would like to share with you:

• what I think about our recent Every Plate meals
• movie recommendations (I watched several during my 9-hour flights!)
• reflections on the kids' first years in college (alex), and high school (kate) - can't believe the schoolyear's almost over!
• what I'm reading (hint: not much)

Maybe there will be time for these things soon. :) 

Coming Up For Air

Hey-oh, blog readers! I have been mired in work-work, as you well know, and we're all sick of hearing/talking about it. This is the first time in a month that I've felt the space in my brain to come here to blogger.com. I finally decided yesterday, after a meeting with yet another manager, that no one wants to hear me whine about this anymore. I can feel overwhelmed, of course! It's my prerogative! But no one (particularly at work) has to know. Just go on about the work, get it done, whatever. Note to my family and friends, I may still want to whine to you once in a while. It's necessary to get it out. 

[Just two quick things, though, for my own memory! Our US manager resigned (he who had just become my immediate manager). And now we're in a transitional period with two gentlemen from HQ in Germany leading the way taking the helm (we'll see if they actually "lead"). And also I am required at a meeting in Germany at the end of April! And no one is offering me any promotion or pay-raise! Dear Shawn keeps mentioning indeed.com. He's right to do so.]

I also read somewhere (and was inspired by) the notion that if you're letting your entire mood be dictated by work, you're giving work too much attention/weight in your life. Interesting. I've been pondering that ever since. Maybe I agree. 

ANNNYWAY.... Kate's golden birthday brunch was a success! She did such a good job, with the help of one friend, planning and executing the day. I loved it. I love that she did it herself, the way she wanted. 

Photo wall! Loved this!

She told them all to wear pink/red :)

Heart-shaped waffles *swoon*

So festive!

I tried to stay out of the way and was mostly successful, although I did require that they remember to cut the cake and sing Happy Birthday, which may not have happened otherwise, they were so preoccupied with taking pictures of each other and then reviewing every single shot. ;) 

In other updates, don't ask about the diet I mentioned, it is stalled. Volleyball season doesn't make for good eating habits, and we have been at sports facilities every other weekend, so. Also I discovered an excellent cookie recipe when I needed to use up the rest of the pink and red M&Ms. Whatever. My V8 still sits in the fridge, ha! 

One thing I've been working on is plantar fasciitis, via physical therapy twice a week. It's interesting. While I love having a dedicated hour of basically working out my lower body, I don't love paying for it - PT is expensive and it's the beginning of the deductible year, ugh. We do squats and bridges, some calf stretching but not as much as I thought, and a terrible situation called "Stool Scoots," where I have to use the power of my heel-to-toe motion to move myself across the floor on a wheeled stool. (It's hard!) Nor do I know that any of it is really helping? I can't tell. I guess the intent is to strengthen all the muscles connected to the foot/fascia, but I don't know. I still wake up with foot pain. Mayyyybe it's a bit lessened since starting PT. Mayyyybe I don't have pain as often when I get up from a chair. I'm trying to pay attention but the therapist today said, "Well, it won't be like magic," so that was discouraging. Why can't it be like magic?! 

Still, it's been a good distraction from work, not that I'm talking about that. ;) 

Oh, another new tidbit! I'm ordering from a meal subscription again. Not Hello Fresh, but its cheaper cousin, Every Plate. We've gotten one box and the meals were mostly thumbs up. Not spectacular, but serviceable, and I don't have to shop for every item and that has been a help. Today I made a broccoli-cheese soup from them, for lunch, which was delicious. 

Celebrating Love and Little Victories

Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate it. ;) I know there are those who don't, and who don't like it, especially the commercialism of it. I don't like these aspects:

• that restaurants are so stupid-busy on the day, and the weekends surrounding
• that there's pressure to celebrate it, no matter what (like, nowadays you're supposed to go big on SELF-LOVE if you're not IN love, and I mean... just stop)
• that people are lonely
• that I feel like I'll never live up to how I'm "supposed" to celebrate it

Ugh. But I do love and appreciate:

• many opportunities for chocolate
• sweet words from my husband, who is a GEM and I'm keeping him
• spa gift cards from the same, because he is a master gift-giver, noticing when I complain of aches and pains

Today, we are celebrating with volleyball practice (Kate) and the weekly cornhole game (Shawn)! I have a cookie cake ready and waiting for us at 9:00pm when we all see each other again, minus Alex of course, who's having his first Valentine's Day away from home. We will get to see him this weekend when he pops home for a quick visit (with Ashling). ;) It's her birthday on Thursday. 

And it's Kate's birthday tomorrow -- 15 on the 15th! Hard to believe. We can't really celebrate tomorrow, since it's a school/work day. But she has the week off next week, so she's (we're) hosting a few of her high school friends for brunch on Monday. A Pancake Bar, I believe, is the plan. She has such creative ideas [read: gets them from social media], like making a photo backdrop with 9 heart-shaped balloons, if only I will move two framed art pieces from that one wall in the living room, lol. I hope I don't stifle her with my skepticism. I took a half day so I can help her cook and prepare, and then I fully expect to be hidden away in my room for the bulk of the party, because you know teen girls don't want Mom there watching them! (Will I feel under-appreciated? Yes.)

Since my last post, work has calmed down somewhat, now that January is over. I'm finding a little groove, I hope, but I still don't fathom how anyone expects a company with 1500 retail customers (in the US) to "do marketing" with one person on the marketing staff. Make it make sense. 

Still, some little victories:

• I got the 2023 product catalog finished and published
• I created, with the help of a freelancer, the Spring Invitation, coupon and mini-poster
• I have successfully called and conducted some meetings
• I got the 15 swimsuits to FL for the fashion show
• I got two new salespeople trained
• I got the swimwear sales sheet to the sales team
• I wrote the online descriptions for the new products when the ecommerce team refused to take that task over (!! rude!)
• I have shipped out a ton of FedExes to various people who need them (so much shipping gah), and ordered more FedEx supplies
• I have ordered business cards and nametags for people, and an important document from Global; printed and delivered 
• I have processed invoices for payment

I want to remember all of that for posterity. It kicked my butt. 

Moving on! I'm trying again with managing my diet. I bought V8 so it's Serious. This time I'm using MyNetDiary, the free version, to track calories, because food is the hardest part for me but I don't want to give up carbs or sugar completely. I need to eat what I eat, just be mindful of how much. So far it's going well (2 days in). If I need extra help, I plan to pay for the Premium version for a month or two. At the moment I'm in the "LET'S DO THIS" honeymoon phase. I bought new snacks and lots of vegetables. I'm mad at diet culture but still want to feel better in clothes, lose 10 pounds, for my health and to prevent other issues, etc etc blah blah. 

Right after the Valentine's chocolates and birthday cake, lol. Love to you, my bloggy friends!

Still reeling at work! But some dinner menus to share

I'm taking a short break from work. Ugh, I hate it now. 

Not sure when I'll return to liking it. So far, it's a lot of questions I don't have answers for, doing things I'm not sure I'm doing right, and wondering how I will ever, EVER get it all done. (Answer: Never. You never finish a To-Do list. I know this, and yet I still let it cause me stress.)

But since I'm three weeks in (almost), I'm trying to start letting go of that panicked feeling and make room for my regular life to come back to the forefront. I can't continue feeling like I'm in Survival Mode forever. I can only do what I can do, and it's also important to exercise, drink water, take a minute of quiet, etc.! And to eat well. 

Last night, Shawn thanked me for making dinner after a long stressful day. So kind of him. I am grateful he sees that it's work -- but also, I like to cook. Turning my focus from my laptop to the stove and pantry is a relief, sometimes. Especially when it's a new recipe and I get to concentrate on just that. Something about creating, single-tasking, and um, I just like food. Plain and simple! So here are a few of the things we've been eating and I've enjoyed making.

White Bean Enchilada Soup -- I loved this. Had it again for my lunch today and it was equally delish. It seems like a lot of ingredients, but is actually not difficult. I also cooked and shredded some chicken breasts for the people who don't think it's a meal if it doesn't have meat. ;) My favorite part was slicing up some fresh jalepenos for the garnish. I usually don't do that since I have Cholula and diced in a jar jalepenos, always. But this time the extra effort was worth it.

When I went to Pensacola last week with my sister (! so fun to be all four of us, my nuclear family of origin, together again!), she made Shrimp Tikka Masala for us, and it was To Die For. She got her recipe from a subscription service and it's not currently on the online menu for me to link, but the one I linked is pretty close. Yum Yum I could eat it every day. I mean, anything with Jasmine Rice, am I right? I went right out and bought myself a bottle of garam masala spice, to have on-hand, and I will be making this at home toute de suite!

During one of the MANY days I was in the office over the last few weeks, I heard some coworkers talking about Egg Roll in a Bowl; they had never had it before. I've known about it for years but haven't made it in a while, so that was my contribution in Pensacola. It's yummy every time and feels virtuous! And again: Jasmine Rice. 

The rest of this week it's minimal effort for dinner, and we're going to our one out-of-town volleyball tournament this weekend (Sevierville, TN!), so I won't get to enjoy cooking again for a few days. 

Okay, back to the most pressing To Dos and Emails. 

New Year, New Job?

Oh, golly, y'all, things have been a whirlwind. My manager was let go from the company last Monday. They're not replacing her position. 

Guess who's going to take up the slack? 

I've been through all the emotions already; am probably on my second round of the emotions. Grief, anger, disbelief, curiosity, WHY ME, and overwhelm. I'm trying to get my feet back under me, now that the rug has been pulled and the figurative papers are swirling around my head. Each day is a little better, I guess, but I'm still not thrilled about it. Remember my 2023 goal to "prioritize and organize my work life?" Heh. Thanks, Universe, for pushing that point, ha! Now I have even more things to fit into the puzzle and the daily round. 

She was responsible for all of our printing decisions, and while the main reason she was let go (budget) indicates I'll have to do a lot LESS printing, I'm not convinced of that. I mean, thankfully, I have a secret weapon in printing (Shawn!), my own personal consultant and advisor. But still, this is something I haven't had my hands in since 2008. So it's re-learning about paper and quotes and specifications. Not hard, just not what I've gotten used to.

There's some good in this plot twist, for sure. I've become, over these last years, quite comfortable in a position of "assistant." The last 2 or 3 years, in fact, I really embraced my role and accepted that I was meant to be the "best helper" I could be. It took a lot of pressure off. I would just do the work I was given, and that is fine, that's enough! It allowed me to take my workdays fairly easily, especially with Covid and work from home. I got things done on time, and worked, don't get me wrong. I just allowed myself to "go easy." Now, though, I'm not so much a helper as THE DOER of All things Marketing. The decision maker. The person people have to ask. 

The reason I say this is a good thing is, you know, necessary growth. Stretching myself. Owning my capability to handle it. (Ugh. I'd really rather be the assistant. SO much simpler.) I'm trying to think about, -- and this may be silly, but it helps me a little -- all the 20-something and 30-something women who come into new jobs with all this enthusiasm and confidence, somehow. I'm trying to think like that. To think of this as a brand-new job, one in which I need to impress and be decisive and take charge. Walking in with my hair and makeup perfect, having all the answers, asking the right questions - at least acting like I know what I'm doing, which is what most of the girls do. (I have the little advantage of already having been at the company 14 years.) 

It's so not my personality! But I guess I have to try to make it work for me. Maybe I'll be SEEN, for the first time since I started here (there have always been women above me whose personalities were BIGGER and who, I feel, definitely kept me a background character). That will be different. Can I be the A-student, leader-of-clubs, Dean's List, high achiever I used to be in school and my early career? I mean, I never was a big-time career "success," but at one time I did have that drive to achieve. Whew, it was long ago! Ha! I'll have to dig deep and remember how. 

On the very negative side, I miss my best work-friend. Things are not going to be the same without her.

Year-End Check-In and 2023 Plans

I'm feeling pressured (by myself and myself alone) to post the traditional year-end review. So here it is, in a nutshell (I spent the last week of December doing this reviewing in my paper planner): 2022 was a weird year for me.

• Great: Kate's club volleyball last spring, and the sweet moms I spent so much time with, watching our girls play. 
• Great: Spring band activities. Spring of Alex's senior year in general. Spending more time with those mom-friends.
• Great: Alex's acceptance to UGA in February, visiting campus, him getting the scholarship he expected, etc.
• Not-so-great: Some heavy stress re: Alex's girlfriend that I don't want to discuss, but was really new and frightening for both him and me.
• Great: Both kids doing so well with academic and other achievements and graduating from their respective schools.
• Not-so-great: The extreme stress of Graduation week, with my added Covid diagnosis. I didn't get to have the celebrations I wanted to have for the kids and that made me SAD.
• Not-so-great: The emotional stress of sending Alex off to college, plus alllll the prep it required. I didn't realize it while it was happening but after it was done I realized how much I'd been holding that stress all year. 
• Great: Kate doing SO well in her first semester of high school, making lots of sweet friends and feeling comfortable from the start. 
• Great: More visits to see my parents in 2022! That was a goal, accomplished, by myself and my sister.
• Great: I got myself to some necessary doctor's appointments, including my first colonoscopy. I survived the prep! No more of those for 10 years, wooo!
• Not-so-great: I'm still in some pain, from plantar fasciitis as well as carpel tunnel, and during Christmas break my neck started feeling stiff and my freaking elbow started hurting for no reason whatsoever.
• Great: I read 29 interesting books!
• Not-so-great: You know, November. And the subsequent holiday season. Not just for that reason -- I also felt like I failed in many aspects regarding the "sparkle" of Christmas -- an annual fret, I suppose, but it felt even heavier somehow this year, sadly. Not that we didn't have a nice 11 days of holiday-time, or at least time off from work. It was quiet and calm at home, which is just what I like. Kate had a few social events with her friends, which was exactly what she wanted. But our super-quiet Christmas is not what the world shows me it's supposed to be like -- also WHY do so many people we know take extravagant vacations to the Bahamas, Disney, skiing, or tropical beaches in December? -- and it activates one of my biggest fears, that my kids will leave home and never want to come back here for the holidays because we're too boring. (Probably unfounded, but fear is never very rational.)

Anyway, it was weird. I was glad to bid it goodbye. 

For 2023, my thoughts are once again to be very careful and gentle about the word "goals," but I do have some.

• To be pain-free. Or closer to that. To that end I'm trying to detox from inflammatory sugar again (the holiday cookies got me!), drink more water, and stretch A LOT, including the 30-day yoga with adriene challenge.
• To enjoy this volleyball season even though it's with new people
• To better organize and prioritize my work tasks - ugh, this is killing me right now in our very busy season
• New clothes for me -- Mom gave me some Christmas money and I'm planning to use it specifically on clothes items I need. I don't buy myself new clothes very often and I think it's starting to show.
• To refresh our guest room with new paint possibly, and at least reworking the art on the walls and the leftover "kids' playroom" furniture.
• To add back "weekly cleaning" items on my WFH days -- just a quick swipe-down here and there, or cleaning ONE shower a week, will help me stay on top of this stupid stuff.
• To make PLANS to DO THINGS. Whether just for myself (lunches with friends, moms' nights), or more important, for the family. We mostly tend to say, "Oh, whatever you want to do...." and then end up NOT doing anything. (I also struggle with spending money and "doing things" is often expensive.) This year I want to be more intentional - I almost wrote "forceful" lol - about deciding on FUN things. "Here's what and when we're doing it! Enjoy!" This is going to require a huge mind-shift for me; it's daunting. 
• Just as an example, New Year's Day was shaping up to be nothing very special IMO, and I was starting to feel sad about it. Instead of asking everyone "what should we doooooo," I made a reservation at an Italian restaurant, told the family we were going at 5:30, and we ended up having a nice dinner out! ...and then Cherries Jubilee afterwards, at home. It worked! I feel like I need to take back some of my Mom-Power in this way, more often. "You'll do it and you'll like it." ;) 

Shawn and I went back to work yesterday, Kate starts school tomorrow, and on Friday Alex drives back to Athens (in advance of his trip with the marching band to the National Championship Game in L.A.!!). So 2023 is in full swing. I hope it's a good one for all of us. 

Christmas Party

I want to remember the Christmas party we went to on Saturday night. It was so fun. 

We don’t always have a lot of Christmas party invitations when we celebrate the holidays at home — in Pensacola we do, it’s a party every night there! — but this is one that has been pretty reliable over the years, except for the dumb Covid years. It’s at the home of some St. Joe’s friends from Alex’s grade, and so this year the added fun was that all the college freshmen were home from their first semesters, and in attendance. And they were all so great! To get genuine “hello again” hugs (and handshakes, I guess, for the Dads) from 18-19 year-olds that you’ve known since they were in Kindergarten together, is absolutely, 100% The Best. They didn’t stick around us parents long, but still. Everyone felt festive and relieved that we all made it through the challenge of sending our birdies out of their nests; I felt it physically, a lightness and joy regarding their being with us, at this “adult” party, actually being adults.

There was a moment when I was seated at a round table with my friend Emily, and we were having deep conversations about important topics, but also laughing, and I realized how happy and comfortable I was. Granted, I’d finished my large glass of Cabernet. I was bound to feel good and I do get lovey when I’ve had a drink. 

But nevertheless, it was a very good party. I had made guacamole which was well received. I’d also found a pretty sweater top I forgot I had, that fit me nicely. I didn’t spill anything, ha! Kate had a party of her own to go to (which was a happy coincidence, she wouldn’t have enjoyed this party). It just all worked out perfectly. I’m going to try to remember it when I inevitably feel sad that we’re not doing more socializing over the rest of the holidays.