I read too many parenting web sites

I think we're good parents, DH and me. We're gentle; we know that WE need to be in charge and not let AJ run the show; we stick to routines for him; we let him explore and discover; we remember the #1 thing is to love him... but I think we need to implement a definite team strategy for getting through this tantrum stage. Which I hear can last 'til he's 3, which... heaven help me.

By the way, I asked, and my Mom said *I* really never threw tantrums in my Terrible Twos. (I waited 'til I was 5.) So I blame all this on DH. It must come from his side.

My Ideas

• Plant a sippy cup with cool water in AJ's room before he wakes up (to head off the almost immediate JOOOOOOOSE! demands).
  
• Earlier to bed (8pm), earlier to rise (6:15-ish, to make our mornings less hurried -- so he has some time to wake up before he has to start getting dressed).
  
• MOMMY to get up earlier/finish getting ready by 6:15, so I can get him ready calmly instead of having to scoop him out of the crib, go dry my hair and let him sit on the vanity, help DH get him dressed, pull on my socks as I'm combing his hair, remember my deodorant at the last minute, hastily grab AJ's shoes before tripping downstairs, etc. We have previously been trying to get the kid up and dressed in approximately 20 minutes, which I realize now was RIDICULOUSLY ambitious just ridiculous, period.
  
• ROUTINE. Need to establish a predictable morning routine. Wake up. Want a drink of water? Change diaper/potty(?). Watch TV for a minute. Play for a minute in his room (prelude to getting dressed). Get dressed. Put on shoes. Go downstairs. Help feed Polie. Jacket on. etc. (I generally think we do this but it IS sometimes rushed which sort-of defeats the purpose.)
  
• CHOICES: AJ, would you like to change your diaper on Mommy's bed or the changing table? Would you like to take off/put on pants or shirt first? Would you like the lamp on or off? etc. Allllll the books and websites say this is how to do it. Give them some amount of control since all they want is to "do it MYSELF." As evidenced by my own parents using the strategy on me, it doesn't always work: they asked me every morning, "Milk or Juice?" and I pretty quickly figured out how to foul up their plan by responding, "Muckerjooose." Both, please. Heh.
  
• TIME OUT (?) -- If When he does go into tantrum-mode -- and people, just so you understand the magnitude, these are the writihing-on-the-floor, growling, hiccupping, unable-to-function-but-still-trying, and thus looking-like-a-drunken-gorilla kind of fits (!) visualize that! -- put him in his room, with the gate (so he can still see us)? Or maybe in his crib, while we stay in his room saying "I'm going to stay right here with you because I know you're upset." One minute time-outs. (From Dr. Sears: Time-outs should be 1 minute for every year of their age.) Or, like my friend MB says, "It's okay that you're crying, but we don't want to listen to it. So stay here until you're done crying. You can cry as much as you like." And then, 1-2...3-4 min later, "Are you all done crying?"
  
• For heading off his evening Episodes, I'm still going to try the "special box" idea for dinner-prep time. He only gets it when I'm making dinner. Don't know if it will work but I've put a can of Pick-Up Sticks (good for shaking and dumping, and putting back in), an old wallet with play money that he can open and close to his heart's content, some Elmo playing cards to scatter around, and a few other dollar-store items. I am also hiding the DVD boxes today because one of the things he fights for, when he sees them, is "TEEEE-DEEEEEEEEEeeeee."
  
• Finally, we've found that sometimes "holding therapy" works for him -- when he's really out of control, DH can hold him tight and talk to him quietly and walk around a bit, and sometimes he calms right down.

It's a crap-shoot. But as long as I'm shootin', I might as well have plenty of ammo.

One funny aside, and then I'll go: I dreamed last night that I was in a piano-playing exam of some sort, and I had not memorized my piece so I was cramming desperately with the sheet music right before going on-stage. Once I got up there I obviously hadn't practiced it AT ALL, and therefore I didn't pass my "test!" Ha! TESTING ME! Internalize, much?