Girl Scouts!

I've lost my motivation. All I feel like doing is reading stuff online, checking email to see if there's anything new from our Daisy Scouts troop leaders (EEE! Kate's going to be a Girl Scout and for some reason I've gotten really geeked about it!), and let's see, what else... NOT WORK.

I ordered her uniform vest and the official insignia items this morning. A TREFOIL pin! An American flag. A Troop number. I think I've said, I didn't love Girl Scouts myself - it was fine, but we weren't in it long enough to start to have feelings for it - but the history, the connection to my Mom, the international-ness of it makes me really, kind-of inexplicably happy that she wanted to join. I think I'm equally happy that the girls she talks about most as her new friends, K and C, are also joining. I hope we'll get to know them better. I am ready to invite them for playdates. Let's DO this girl thing!

Maybe it's because last night was the annual Cub Scout Halloween meeting/party. Balancing out all the black hooded capes and scary masks with a little Daisy color and girl-positivity, perhaps. By the way, in our school/collection of troops, Daisies don't sell cookies. Thank the Good Lord. That craziness will come in a year or two.

Okay, I suppose I have to get to it. Four articles and they all need to at least get started today. Ugh.

October

I've been enjoying the private blog. There's no pressure to post. There wasn't MUCH pressure before, but I did hate to have the page linger with a week-old title on top. I've been too busy the last couple of weeks, though. Work has been pretty ridiculous. My days have had to be very planned out, down to the half-hour, to get all the important things done. I'm hopeful (but not convinced) that the worst of it is past.

Right now it's Monday morning, and the lights aren't turned on in the office yet. My little desk light is. Soon the other people will start arriving. I pray they'll turn on the AC; it was steamy when I arrived after a weekend of saving pennies, I guess. Today the task list is lighter so I feel like I can take a minute to write down a thought or several.

I went to yoga again last Friday. There's an older man in the class who is very scowl-y. His face is trying to ruin that class-time for me. I'm sure it's not intentional, but gosh, he makes me, personally, question myself. I don't know if he does the same to everyone, but he looks at me like, "What are you doing here?" ...I don't know! Geez, HELLO, Sir. Ugh. I think I only have 2 more "punches" on my purchase card, so that might be good. I'm wondering if a different studio would be better.

We had another really lovely weekend. (Or, I did, as I always feel compelled to clarify. Shawn did yardwork, and had to deal with a broken lawnmower halfway through. On the other hand, the weather was nice, so at least he got a dose of Vitamin D and fresh air. And on the other, other hand, it isn't like I was eating bon-bons; I did laundry, cleaned the bathroom, vacuumed, too. But these are the things that have to get done, yanno? It's all good, especially when the kids can entertain themselves a bit.)

Saturday was activities and errands -- I am still very proud of us for scheduling the kids' extra-curriculars at the same time Saturday morning, across the street from one another -- then I planted some fall pansies and mums. I was itching for a little new curb appeal. I'm pretty terrible at floral landscaping, but ya gotta give it the old college try. It makes me feel better to have the beds cleared out, at least. Shawn added a fun "graveyard" scene to make it Halloween-y. Then AJ went to a friend's house while I got my hair cut in the afternoon, and we all had a yummy pasta dinner on the patio at Macaroni Grill. Expensive-ish, but a beautiful night, well-behaved kids, and they ate their food. It's becoming less of a miracle when that happens.

Sunday I sang with the choir, then mostly piddled around the house after grocery shopping. I was wearing my tennis shoes, because I've discovered that piddling around on my hardwoods all day, in flip-flops or bare feet (my preference), makes my FEET HURT. So I wear tennis shoes in the house like an OLD LADY. Gah.

I made a Publix-brand frozen lasagna for dinner, and added it to the list of Dinners Everyone In Our House Will Eat! (At least, last night everyone ate it.) The kids were out in the yard with the neighbor-kids, until 6:30 pm. It is so nice. I have said before that our neighborhood is one of the reasons we are thinking of moving, but I have to keep in mind how rare it is, these days, for kids to be able to play out in the yard all day on a Sunday, with other kids close in age to themselves. Is it possible we would find this elsewhere? I don't know.

Speaking of the moving plans. Well, there's not much to report, other than we're starting to feel some, not pressure, but, urgency, to get the punch-list items done. Half the laundry room is painted. This week I really want to paint the bottom half, and the trim. I really want to get the deck sanded and stained, and the rails painted, right now while the weather's good. Then, our bathroom. Got to do that. I think if we accomplish those three big things, I'll feel pretty good.

Anyway, it's time to start work. I can't end before reminding myself how grateful I am that we live such a charmed life. I thought of that a few times this weekend. How lucky we are.

Fresh air and family time

I got over my work-rage last week, I guess, but it remained a bit of a stressful few days. 4th grade is kicking our butts! "Our," meaning my family's, and also all of the 4th grade moms'. I'm glad it's widespread! There's a lot more homework than our kids are used to, and their teacher, whom they all love, has been on bed rest (pregnant) for the past 2.2 weeks, during which time they were given several tests and assigned a big science project. Timelines have been screwed up. Homework assignments not turned in. It's been rough, man.

On Tuesday, in addition, I realized I had completely borked up my left elbow. I think it was a carpal tunnel thing, radiating upwards. I was working on the aforementioned 600-line Excel file, for hours at a time, with my left fingers sort-of stretched out over the keyboard to reach both the numbers and the CTRL-key, and by Tuesday night I couldn't straighten my arm or turn it at all. Weirdness! Old-lady-ness! Creaky joints! It really hurt.

And by Friday, I think I was just run-down and I woke up with pain in the back of my throat, just like a cold coming on. I was already dosing up with Motrin and Advil for the elbow, but they didn't seem to be helping much with the aches and throat.

I don't know why I feel the need to document those things -- except maybe in the future, if I ever have such elbow pain again, I'll be able to find out how it finally went away** -- but there you have it.

However, a few excellent things happened, too, for which I am grateful.

Thursday afternoon, I had to cancel my Friday yoga plans with Ashley because of my elbow, but guess what? She was going to cancel, too, for work/other commitment reasons. Hoping we will go this Friday instead.

My parents arrived Thursday evening! AJ and KT were looking forward to it all week and I just loved hearing them say, "I can't WAIT 'til tomorrow! Grandmommy and Papa Joe will be here!!!" (And I was excited, too... I'm so lucky that I LIKE my parents, and I'm not just saying that because they are half the readers of my blog. Hee. I really do enjoy their company.)

Friday was my Mom's birthday so we went out to dinner and then had birthday cake. Well, actually I cut the cake, and then scooted off to a little wine-y get-together with the 4th-grade moms, at Ashley's house. Mom had made me promise not to change my plans. There were 6 of us and we gabbed and snacked until around 11:30. (Unfortunately, I was still slightly under-weathered, and the DayQuil mixed with the wine messed me up a bit. I slept sloshily and most of Saturday I felt off.)

But Saturday morning after activities, we managed a little picnic at the park. The fresh air was good for all of us, and a great excuse to leave the house. We whipped up some pasta salad and some tortilla wraps and everyone got a soda. :) Afterwards, I got laundry done and visited with the parents, while the kiddos played outside all afternoon. At one point, KT came in and whined, "I haven't been entertained ALL DAY." Hahahaha! She seemed fine to us! I let her watch some TV and I guess she got what she needed.

Sunday we went to Mass and to the grocery store, and then spent the afternoon in the kitchen. I made salsa, chocolate ice cream, spicy Chex mix and a chicken pot pie (with cream cheese!) that were all yummy. And we just talked and enjoyed each other -- the kids, again, were out in the fall neighborhood, running, breathing cool air, just like Norman Rockwell intended.

I do feel slightly terrible that Shawn was doing yard work all that time Sunday, and on Saturday he had been at a Cub Scouts obligation. I don't know how to reconcile those two days to him. What would he like best? That I take the kids next Saturday so he can do whatever he wants? That I hire a yard service so he doesn't have to do that ever again, particularly not while we have company? We could totally afford it... I just don't know. He just doesn't ever seem to get to relax on the weekends. I guess I don't relax toooo much, either, but it seems imbalanced.:/



**My friend Jackie from church used to work as a massage therapist at a chiropractor. She told me to massage two pressure points near the elbow that HURT when I first found them, but did help a LOT. She had me ice it for 20 minutes at a time, as well. Today it's perfect, no pain. I'm going to be more diligent about doing anti-carpel tunnel stretches every day. Might even massage those pressure points regularly. (Also for the throat: Listerine! Gargling!)

Releasing Steam

You have to forgive me for this post in advance. I need to blow off some steam and my fingers are itching to POUND SOMETHING, which in this case happens to be my KEYBOARD. (ooohhh, so scary)

I think that PR is a fancy way of saying "SOMEONE DOING A LOT OF VERY MEANINGLESS AND IRRITATING WORK," but "NEVER THE PERSON WHO INSTIGATES IT." <<<< Official definition. I am sick to death of being the person that everyone asks to WRITE EVERYTHING. I mean, no.... grateful that they pay me to do something that comes naturally, etc. etc. but OMG. If one more person today sends me an email with bulleted things that need to be written, FOR THEM, by YESTERDAY, I'm going to throw something. And it's not just me. Every time there's a "PR OPPORTUNITY" we -- the peons, I guess -- have to do the writing, and the finding photos and the uploading thereof, and the sending out samples to whomever is asking for them, and the adding of the press release to OUR OWN website, too, and and and.

My company was given a "PR OPPORTUNITY" last week, naturally it's for October - last minute - and naturally the woman who called my boss said everything would be taken care of! We get a big ol' spread in their online magazine, plus 4 blog posts, plus social media to go with it! Awesome! Sounds like a great deal! Thank you very much and my boss signed us right up. And I KNEW... I knew it was too good to be true. No, it's not all provided for us, guess who is now being told she needs to write those 4 blog posts by yesterday?? Yes, that'd be me. On top of the 3 new assignments, one with an all-caps URGENT at the front of it, that my "other" manager handed down over the weekend. And the one stupid time-sucking assignment (uploading files) that my "actual" manager gave me that's due Wednesday. And let's just see, what else? A huge Excel file of 600 customer names that I have to rifle through manually, copy/pasting some additional columns in as I go, that will inevitably end with some of those same customers calling ME, unhappy with the outcome. And some introductory text to write by Wednesday for our product catalog, no pressure, and by the way, it's the same exact topic you've written four thousand times already, but could you do it in a UNIQUE way? This time? AGAGAHAHAHAHAHHh.

Today I am hating my job. Mondays, man.

3rd Yoga class

Today the actual, scheduled yoga instructor led our class, and it was the best one yet (for me). It was no-nonsense, poses I knew, I felt more comfortable, yet still verrrry challenged, and the AC was on before class started so I didn't get as steamed up. Apparently the enjoyment of yoga for me depends very much on the temperature. But I was able to concentrate, stretch, do more push-ups than usual really relax in Savasana (or Shavasana? The internet spells it both ways), and there are poses I want to attempt/work on this week (for my own memory: fallen triangle, crane and side crane, and flipped Down Dog), so that next week I can attempt them in front of people.

The biggest challenge, really, is letting go of comparison to other people. It's a huge mental block if you let it linger. And you'll fall over faster if you don't focus on YOU. A little contrary to the Jesus-Others-You mentality that we're all told is correct (and it is), but on the mat, you just have to be in your own space, and do you own thing. That's why I've liked doing yoga in my own bedroom for all these years - it's impossible to compare yourself to others when there are no others there! But again, challenge is good when we do it gently and with kindness (the instructor said that today).

I was also glad there was no crying. :) But at the risk of getting totally touchy-feely on you, I am learning that you take what you need from yoga, and you GET what you need. Last week, I needed forgiveness. For me, for sassy last-week Kate, for being gentle as I was nervous and learning. This week, I needed a good stretch of my glutes, and to feel empowered, like I can DO THIS. And that's what I got.

Next week, I'm so excited, my friend Ashley asked to join me. Even though she and I have been friends for more than 4 years now, I still feel unusually happy when she asks me to do things, or acts like she "likes me." How silly is that? I have a friend. It's still surprising. I don't mean it in a pity-me way, just in a how-cool-that-this-has-worked-out way. :)

Nicer

We had a better weekend, this past. Worked on Saturday, yes. Did the lessons and Cub Scouts and errands and laundry, and I think Shawn mowed the grass, bless him -- general running around. But Sunday we were determined to enjoy the day, after Mass.

We had "lunch" at Dunkin Donuts, which made the kids happy as you can imagine. When we got home, do you know what Shawn and I did? We changed clothes, I poured myself a Coke Zero, and we watched the Falcons game. Without driving anywhere! Without any (or minimal) interruptions from the kids, who were off playing outside with the neighbors! It was so quiet and calm in the den, and we just... watched the game! It was bliss. I told him, "Enjoy this 5 minutes, because you know it can't last much longer." I got up here and there; I think I was thawing something for dinner, and freezing a new batch of ice cream. (I am loving the ice cream maker! Hint: It works best if you use full-fat heavy cream, and whole milk. LOL)

But it did last, long enough anyway.

We had told the kids we'd go on a hike at 4:00. But 4:00 showed up and it was HOT. Too hot for hiking, in my opinion. We offered the pool instead and there was jumping up and down, and "you're the best mommy ever" if I remember correctly.

The pool was super cold, but Alex jumped right in without even testing it first (his new method of entering the pool). BTW, he Jumped In! He is finally, officially a SWIMMER. Complete with diving sticks and everything. Kate was all in, as well, no fear of the cold. I abstained from swimming, for once. It was too cold for me, and I saw a glimpse of my own mother, who gets teased by my father all the time (hello, both of you) for only swimming if it's "bathwater." Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all. :)

Everyone, however, stayed sweet, got along, smiled, soaked up the sun, and then I caught this moment as we were packing up to head home.

Kiss of / Peace out. :)

Reporting from the mat

Class #2 today. (Manager didn't mind at all. I even took ownership of being out 1.5 hrs., and apologized. She was fine with it -- forgave me, said "oh, don't even worry about that" -- which is interesting, as you'll read...). I wanted to remember everything so this is mostly stream of consciousness-y.

I don't know if it went better than the previous -- it wasn't worse -- just different. First of all, it was a different teacher - yet another substitute. I haven't yet met the official teacher of this class, who is male, which shouldn't make any difference but, you know. So this 2nd teacher, I really liked. In fact, she was next to me the last time, taking the class with us. She is very "down to earth," which sounds cliche, but she stopped the consistent yoga-talk during class, to tell us a little story or to laugh about something. She often teased (and praised) the pregnant woman in class today about her beautiful belly. It was real. It wasn't JUST yoga, you know? It sounded just like the rest of life and that was a comfort.

I was nervous again. Butterflies nervous. Also because I'd been having a very gassy tummy all day. My truth. Sorry. I was slightly concerned about it. What might happen?! Hee.

She told us she's Jewish - so perfect because last night I was listening to the "musical memories of the high holy days," hosted by Itzak Perlman, on NPR (love), and it's Yom Kippur tomorrow. All about forgiveness -- forgiveness of SELF, for not being perfect, we all need forgiveness from others, and to be forgiving of others.

That's a language Catholics speak. Made me feel at home in Hindu-land.

In line with that "theme" for the class (the last teacher didn't do this), I made my word, my intention, "okay." Simple. Lame, maybe.
begin in child's pose, head to the mat. In prayer.
I felt uncomfortable with that until she said something like "here with mother earth." Which I liked.


was not as hard -- I didn't come out of the room already sore
she made more of taking your OWN pose, what feels good to you, right now
she said it's "more than just a physical workout, which is awesome, but there's more."
I was wearing better clothes.
the air conditioning! Wasn't turned ON until the middle of class. So it wasn't just ME being wimpy last time (because there was no AC then either)!

self-conscious about the number of times she came over to adjust my positions. eek. I want to take it as, "we can all learn from someone" and obviously she's a TEACHER and I'm the STUDENT, duh. Still, I checked and hoped that she was adjusting other people, too.

I wasn't the only one looking around, comparing. She kept telling us all, gently, to close our eyes.


and then, it brought me to tears
At the end of the class she came around and did some little nice thing on my forehead. Traced a swirly thingy. I know she could tell my chin was quivering. And when we came out of Savasana, I know she could see the tears in my eyes and on my cheeks. She looked right into them.

I don't know how the teachers react to such things. (translation: what is she thinking about me now?)

I don't know why I was crying, I wanted to stop, I wasn't sad, just moved, in a good way -- and I really tried to just. breathe. let it go. She did 3 "ohmmmms" at the end and that helped distract me. It was just like singing but I felt weird.


Guess I was cleansed. It was so nice, thinking about forgiving, being in that space, being imperfect, being "fixed" by a teacher, and being told again and again that it was okay.

State of the days

(From Tuesday) I really have SO much work to do right now. Like, if there isn't a list of products that I need to update in both English and Spanish (I don't translate 'em, I just copy/paste it in), then there's that email I need to write to that freelancer, and there's an article that needs editing for the other site, and there's also the statistics reports that haven't been done for this month and the email blast that still needs to be created and approved and sent out, today.

That's what I have on my list. There's no way all of that's going to get done today.

Annnnnnnnd I just got a phone call and I think I wasn't very kind to the person on the other end. I wasn't mean, I mean, I just expressed my annoyance in a noticeable way. Shame on me.

I don't know, some days it's just not a lot of fun, you know? It's fine, it's just not FUN. I want to be grateful for those days, and I am, but... meh.

We had a weekend day like that recently. Two days, in fact, and the kids thought so, especially: the days were fine, they just weren't fun. We had our normal easy Saturday morning, with waffles (Eggo, don't be fooled) and Cartoon Network and me on my phone. And then we went off to all the activities while DH mowed the lawn. Ballet on one side of the highway, jiu jitsu on the other. I dropped off and picked up and watched and taxi'd and went to the restroom in both places, and we even had a small snack in between. And then we ran errands -- haircuts, shoe buying, Lowe's Home Improvement shopping, the ushe (I looked it up; that IS how you spell it). Stuff we had to get done.

On Sunday, we went to Mass at 10:45, then drove across town to watch the first Falcons game of the season with our friends. It's always good to see them, and we ate awesome cheeseburgers!, but it's an hour-long haul to get there, and another hour back. Their boys are older than our kids, and usually they play really well together despite that difference in age, but the 14-year-old is now in high school and has less brain-space available for little guys. I understand. But I think my kids were bored. I felt bad that when we got home it was dinnertime, then - school night - bath and bed. We really felt kind-of cheated overall.

So Shawn and I (I'm still getting used to using real names here, it's weird) talked about how we have to be mindful and plan more FUN things. We have a lot of commitments on the weekends, but a day at the mountain, an easy trip downtown to see stuff, a picnic here and a frisbee game there -- we want to do these things for our kids. If they'll even appreciate them! Sometimes we spend so much time barking at the kids to "be kind to each other" and listening to "he is touching me!" -- tired old boring CLICHES! That are TRUE! -- that we can't enjoy fun things, anyway. Is it an attitude change on our part that's needed? Or kinder kids??

..........

(today, Friday) The whole week has just been FULL at work. Not terrible, just full. Meetings and tasks. There hasn't been time to let the mind wander too much. No solo lunch hours, for errands or a walk or just LUNCH, except I think Tuesday I went to the bank and the dry cleaners. I came back after 30 minutes because I had a lot of stuff to get back to. I had a "working lunch" yesterday with colleagues. It was longer than an hour, and paid for (nice!), but it wasn't relaxing. So I'm looking forward to yoga today, even though my manager IS here and will likely notice that I'm gone more than an hour. Hope she won't say anything. She started taking yoga, too, on her own inspiration at a different place.

We went to the Girl Scouts information meeting yesterday, Kate and I. My experience with Girl Scouts was short-lived, unfortunately, but I feel like she deserves a chance just like her brother has had with Cub Scouts. I can't be the troop leader, although part of me wants to (which Shawn finds baffling, given his Cub Scouts experience). I know I simply don't have the time and I can't get off work, anyway -- the meetings are Wednesdays at 3:30. It's good the info session was on a Thursday, my busiest day of the week when I always wonder, "Am I doing too much?" But I do hope some lovely moms step in, and volunteer, for Kate's sake. I'll help any way I can. I want to get plugged in to that group of women at our church/school.

That's the state of things. Moving right along and nearing October, which is hard to believe!

Bought me some yoga

I committed to the yoga studio, buying a 7-class "card" today.

I couldn't attend this Friday's class (today), because my manager who usually works from home on Fridays, enabling me to be on "lunch-hour" for more than 1 hour, is IN the office today. (It's a 45-minute class, but getting there, parking, cooling off in the restroom for 10 minutes after the sweaty sweat-session.... etc.) I found myself rather sad that I wasn't going today, and kept remembering last Friday afternoon and how great I felt. Exhausted. Energized. Zen. (Conflicted about feeling Zen, but still Zen.) Mindful. Deeply breathing and calm. Sore that night and Saturday, but okay by Monday. I am still nervous about going back, of course. Even though I already did the hardest part of Trying It, and I didn't fail. I don't know why I think I'm not good enough -- I am. I've always been pretty flexible, and yoga's not about winning or being the best, anyway. It meets everyone where they are, as they say. Maybe I just think I'm not "granola" enough. It's all in my head.

So now this weekend, I want to buy something to wear. Everything changes when you are going somewhere public for your exercise! Ha! One nice thing about yoga is, there are no expensive shoes to buy. But you do want a top that won't expose everything when you're upside down. :) Everything I find is spaghetti-strappy, though, and that's not really my preference. We'll see.

Yoga class

Last Friday, I went to a yoga class. I have been wanting to take a class again for a long time -- a really long time -- and I have done a lot of yoga, on my own, since the last time I took a class, in 1999. YES. Fourteen years ago! Shawn and I signed up together for a beginners' class when we were dating, for a "semester," and we walked to the yoga studio near his apartment every Sunday afternoon. It was lovely.

Since then, I have done yoga DVDs, prenatal yoga, made-up variations based on how I like to stretch, and yoga On Demand on TV. I've learned a lot of the poses that we were too "newbie" to learn, in that first class (in fact, I think the thing we did most in that first class was Savasana, the corspe pose, which we called "sleeping" and one guy in our class called "snoring").

So I decided on a whim last week to do a Google search, I found a 45-minute noon class near my office, and went all alone to check it out. I had to be brave. I don't like working out with other people. And when I got there, there were several young, lithe girls with their hair in perfect messy buns, wearing fitted spaghetti-strap tank tops and tight pants. Thankfully, there was also a grey-haired man in a t-shirt, so I felt like I could bridge that gap.

Our 20-something cheerleader/ballerina instructor (I read her bio online) spoke in that wonderfully soothing way that yoga instructors speak, and she got us started right away with some Cat-Cow poses and quickly into Chaturanga. We did lots and lots of Chaturangas (push-ups, basically, if you don't know). I didn't notice them at the time but I NOTICED 8 HOURS AFTERWARDS. Good lord.

I could follow along, mostly, although she did some sequences differently than I'd done them before. I got so hot and sweaty, I was embarrassed. And my face always gets more red than strictly necessary. I hadn't pulled my newly-long hair back, either, and that was a mistake. I looked like a literal hot mess. I couldn't keep my mind properly free of worry; mostly I was thinking, "Surely it'll be over soon??" Also some "I feel fat and is everyone looking at me? Am I doing this wrong?" Clearly, I have some things to work on, mentally. Physically, I was able to keep up. I kind-of wish it had been less vinyasa and more "learn some poses," but challenge is good, right? I'm trying to decide if and when I'll go back. I might need to be even MORE brave to do that. Show my face again, heh. But it was a really great workout, for sure, and I continued the deep, calming breaths through the rest of the afternoon, which felt lovely.

At the end of class, the instructor called it "sweet Savasana," which is so perfect. 

Going behind the curtain. Goodbye (ish).

As of tomorrow night, this blog will be private. I've been thinking about it a while and am no longer interested in sharing my thoughts with the whole world, even semi-anonymously.

If you would like me to add you to the private list of approved readers, I should hope you know how to find me and tell me so in a private way. (If you don't, quick! leave a comment with some way I can contact you.)

Sorry for the somewhat abrupt decision.

Yellow!

We knew it wouldn't take too long for little miss KT to move her clip from Green to Yellow at school. All you parents know what that means. Bless her heart. She's done exceptionally well these first 13 days of her Kindergarten career, even getting to go to the Treasure Box for good behavior on Monday. We have long known, though, that she is a little bit spunky and sometimes doesn't know when to tone the personality down and behave. And she has a giggled-about reputation at the old daycare for generally considering herself in-charge, in the classroom.

Actually, her offense wasn't what I imagined -- she was cited yesterday for "running down the slide." Unsafe, sure. A lesson I'm glad they want to teach her because she frequently runs down the hill on our driveway in her flip-flops and makes me cringe for her potential bloodied knees. All the same, not something for which I'm going to punish her further.

So yesterday I picked the kids up in carpool. As usual, AJ was All Words, telling me what his class is  working on in, umm, science I think it was (sometimes I tune it out). KT patiently waited her turn and I asked her a few questions about whom she played with at recess, and how the SuperKid of the day was doing. She was quiet, the norm after these long Kindergarten days. Sometimes she still falls asleep in the car during our 20-minute drive home. (It's a shame traffic is so heavy at 3:30-4:00 on weekdays - we drive less than 7 miles through residential neighborhoods but we pass 2 different schools, and there's a hospital next door to our school, so I think shift-change and the other schools make it ugly.) I should have known something was up, though, when she hid her green folder from me, and told me to look at it after she went to bed. "Did you stay on green today?" I asked her, and she told me "Yes." *raised eyebrows* But we had dinner to attend to, and a Cub Scout meeting, and an evening walk for KT and me, and then bathtime and her new library book (Amelia Bedelia).

When I mentioned and had to sign the note that I found this morning, hidden in her folder, she left the kitchen table, embarrassed.

School, 1, KT, 0. Let's hope she gets it. I may have to address the outright lie at some point. Eek.

Big-Kid School, man. They really do learn things!

Mornings and afternoons and evenings

Right now, with KT and AJ at the same school, this is what it looks like:

Mornings: Easier

It might be due to my nighttime prep of the lunchboxes (see below), because I'm so far being very consistent about that. But the "morning rush" isn't so rushed anymore. This week I'm trying to get the kids to eat a better breakfast, so I'm giving them a daily "menu:" instead of offering everything I have in the pantry, they get to choose from two options. They had gotten into the habit of eating nearly the same thing every morning, and with AJ's trying to gain weight, I wasn't arguing -- if he wanted Sausage and Pancake on a stick every day, fine with me. But I do think I need to curb that a bit, and get some variety in there. Anyway, breakfast, then getting dressed -- and we're (KT) not fighting so much about the new uniform as we did about the old one, praise God -- and then vitamins, coffee, and out the door.

(Early days I still get up at 5:00 and get myself ready so I can get them breakfast and then leave by 6:15, to get to work 6:30. I've been good about going to bed at 10 so it hasn't been too painful!)

Of course I can say all this because we decided, now that they're at the same school, that DH would drop off and I would pick up, every day. So of course I think morning is easy! But I don't think he feels rushed, necessarily, except one Tuesday last week when he was. They get to school around 7:20, I'm guessing, and wait for morning carpool which starts 7:35. I actually think it's good time together with Daddy. Sometimes the kids bicker in the back seat but other times, they don't. They have their lap-desks in his car now and they either read or draw or pretend (I think).

Afternoons: Good so far

On M, W, F, I pick them up right around 4:45 from our school's aftercare program. I just love the aftercare teacher, and I can tell KT likes her, too. One bonus is that she has a classmate who is also in aftercare and they've become buddies. Yesterday before leaving, KT reached her arms to Cassie (we'll call her) and said, "Hugs!" So cute.

On T, Th, I race out of my office at 3:15, which is when carpool begins, and pray at every traffic light that I'll get there before it's over. So far, so good. This is the only part I hate about those afternoons -- that drive. Work hasn't been snippy about my early days so far this school-year, but I still have leftover angst about it. They allow me flextime but I know they don't really like it. Oh well, too bad. We go home, have a snack, change clothes, and most days go to AJ's jiu jitsu class.(KT's ballet is only on Friday nights/Saturday mornings so it isn't an afternoon factor.)

Evenings:Yep yep

Still having to help KT with her bath. When she starts taking a shower by herself, we will be golden. She's doing much better about bedtime. Kindergarten is tiring! The last few nights, we've read one story, then I turn the light off and sit with her for 1 song, and then she's okay with me leaving, as long as I say, "I'll see you in 5, if you don't fall asleep," and "Good Night, I love you, Sweet Dreams." AJ isn't back to his reading habit yet, but I think it will start up again soon. (I want him to want to read for 15-30 minutes in bed.) He'll have lots of books to read for school here, shortly.

Then I go downstairs and make lunches, watch a little TV, do laundry with DH.

It's working like a well-oiled machine, dear Diary. Please don't let me have just jinxed it by writing that. Watch, today I won't make it to carpool....

Good to go

I am happy to report that all the things are Good.

• KT had a great first half-day on Friday and she looked just adorable walking out to my car for pick-up, with sweet, protective big brother AJ telling her, "This way, K." Today's first REAL (full) day will, I hope, bring equal success and even more new friends and homework! :) 
• First Ballet class at our new studio also went well Saturday. KT's already had more ballet instruction than I did, so I'm jealous. 
• Our house is clean. Or, relatively. If I can motivate, tonight, to vacuum the downstairs, we'll be golden. It's so nice to have a husband who dusts, and a weekend with time to do those kinds of tasks.
• Our drop-off/pick-up schedule is new & improved, and seemed to work well this morning. I still have to start doing my 5:00 am wake-ups tomorrow. I say "have to;" it's my choice, of course, but it FEELS like have-to. Still, I'm looking forward to those 2 days/week of after-school time around our kitchen table, all three of us.  
• Half of AJ's Summer Reading Project -- the craft half -- is done, and turned in. The 6-10 sentence book report is due Friday and I think he can handle it himself. Or, let me be more precise: He'd better be able to write a 6-sentence book report at this stage of the game! And by the way, I hate doing crafts with kids. I have sooooo little patience. It makes me feel like a jerk, and them like failures, I'm sure -- just a bad scene all the way around.
• I have a week's worth of yummy dinners planned, and a basket full of pre-portioned snacks for the 2 lunchboxes. It was so fun getting those all ready to go this weekend! I'm trying to give the kids identical lunches as much as I can -- do you do this? -- one kid can't get potato chips if the other one gets pretzel sticks. There would be mutiny. Of course they both have their main-dish preferences. KT likes bologna, AJ only tolerates it, and vice versa for Peanut Butter. 
• Speaking of what we eat: I am doing an experiment. I'm trying to eat no tortilla chips for the month of August. Yesterday I had one. But just one. This morning the scale was 2 pounds down and I am choosing to believe the chips-fast has everything to do with it. Not that I could ever give them up completely, but maybe this will help me get over what I think is my addiction. Salsa, guac, queso -- I'm always all-in, can't stop, and that is probably no bueno.
• Updated to add: Forgot to mention my new ice cream maker makes an AMAZING Strawberry Ice Cream. It was my favorite as a child, and might be my favorite again! It helps that it uses whole milk and half and half and real sugar. Watch out. 
• Lastly, I had a mammogram and ultrasound this morning after the gyn found something she could palpate 2 weeks ago. (Sorry Mom, to tell you this way... I didn't see the need to worry anyone unnecessarily. Very nearly didn't tell DH, but decided I'd better.) The report was fine (and I was surprised they gave me the results right then and there). Very likely nothing to worry about. I can choose to have it biopsied if I want the extra peace of mind. I'm not sure yet if I need that, or if I'd rather skip the hassle. Funniest part was, if any part of a mammogram is funny, a co-worker of mine walked into the waiting room about 10 minutes after I did. It was very good to see a friendly face and have a little levity in that waiting room. They make it seem like a spa in a lot of ways, but inside, even if you 'think positive,' you don't feel like a spa.

Just a small wish

KT Baby. BAY-BEE. She's still so little sometimes, in my mind.

I remember this same day in her brother's educational timeline, like it was yesterday (possibly because I re-read that post a lot). KT's was similar, today. We packed up the car this morning with all the heavy bags and books, shiny clean school supplies, sharpened Ticonderoga pencils. Naturally she has a bright pink, sparkly Barbie backpack. She heaved it over her shoulders like a pro. She wore one of her many princess CROWNS all the way there. (I suggested we take it off when we got there, and lo and behold, she complied.) She walked confidently down the sidewalk with AJ and me; we were laughing about a song she was singing to herself. She knows the building and walked right in, no hesitation.

And then of all the darndest things, my little social butterfly, who fears nothing and no one, clammed up. She was welcomed and greeted with huge smiles from the teachers, and she replied with quiet little one-word answers. Like her mother would have, at that age! Bless. her. heart. I have never -- wait, let me think... no, not really -- seen her act shy in her life. We unpacked her bags and packed her desk while she sat, taking it all in. She found her cubby, she looked around at the available toys and books, and I think she was pleased... but you know what? It's a whole new ballgame. I never would have guessed nervousness for this child, but there it was.

The other night, we were getting her ready for bed and she asked me, "Mommy, will I have a best-best friend at my new school, like Alyse (her BFF now)?" And, OH, how that got me right in the heart. I said, "Oh, YES, sweetheart, I know you're going to have a best friend at your new school. You're going to have lots of friends." That's a mother's only wish, really, isn't it? That she have one friend.

Well, and that she'll have everything. Everything.


P.S. I did cry, this morning at the daycare, dropping them off after Orientation, for the very last time. I knew I would (and you did, too). 

Ice Cream Maker!

To celebrate National Ice Cream Month (who knew?) in July, I had a Cuisinart Ice Cream maker shipped to my doorstep direct from the Amazon. Or, amazon.com, however you'd prefer to say it. I think it's THE Amazon, anymore -- I doubt the next generation will realize that there exists a rainforest of the same name! It's not like they can go to their parents' bookshelf and look it up in the Encyclopedia now, is it?? (What's an encyclopedia?, I bet they'd ask.)

ANYWAY... I got an ice cream maker the other day. This is something I've been thinking I wanted for several months now. I like ice cream. My kids like ice cream. My husband likes it, too, and we all especially like making ice cream cones in the summertime. (I don't mean making the cones -- those come straight out of the box.) I could say that ice cream from the grocery store is getting expensive, because it is. But mostly, my desire to make my own is nostalgia at play.

For one of my birthdays (or was it Dad's birthday?), I remember Mom making homemade pink peppermint ice cream. When I can duplicate THAT recipe, this purchase will have paid for itself, but to start with, last night I made a dark chocolate for my very first try.

These days, you buy an automatic ice cream maker, countertop version. It's nothing like the wooden bucket that we plugged in on the back porch outside when I was little. There's no rock salt involved. (I made enough of a mess with the cocoa powder; I don't think I need the extra hassle of ice cubes and rock salt.) I used the recipe in the booklet that came with the machine.

After the recommended 35 minutes, it was more like a cool, unfinished pudding and I was worried. But I stuck it in the freezer as advised. This morning I had a little taste. It reminded me of the flavor of a Starbucks Mocha, actually, so I'm pretty excited to have a big bowl later this evening.

That's all. I made some ice cream. :) It made me happy.

Various stuff, with a KT fashion moment

The kids are away again, this time at DH's parents' house. I know they're having fun - visiting their baby cousin, going to Game Stop where their Gam will indulge them, eating lots of bacon (she, to her credit, always has bacon). ;)

Before they left, KT put together a somewhat noteworthy outfit:

C'mon, who doesn't take pictures outside the daycare?

That's a pink Atlanta Falcons jersey (slightly too small), white bike shorts with little sunglasses all over them, and Crocs-tennies with no socks. I am pretty sure she had blue and green underwear under the white shorts, just to make a statement. I shake my head sometimes. But I let her do it -- we're on the 8-day countdown until Catholic School Uniforms for 9 years, so this is her last chance for daily personality through her clothing.

Speaking of that: I thought I would be more sad that we're nearing the very last days at our daycare. I mean, we have been driving there every weekday morning since October of 2004. I have shed not one tear, which is unusual. Maybe next Tuesday I'll feel something? It's looking doubtful, though. OH WELL. Thank you for not deducting all the money from my bank account once a week anymore! Bye!

Perhaps I'm just excited about her joining her brother in big-kid school! YES, yes I am.


With the kids gone, we went out to dinner last night with another couple who are also kid-less this week. Had such a great time. We are a lot alike and I'm so grateful to call them friends. Of course, all we could talk about was our kids the entire evening -- what they're reading (or not reading, in AJ's case -- he forgets HOW during the summers), what they're doing for extra-curriculars this fall, how they manage, funny things they say -- but it's part of the joy of being parents to get to share it with people.

It's lucky we had that dinner planned, because my workday was crappy yesterday. Besides feeling foggy with a head-cold most of the morning, I had a 2.5-hour meeting that turned sour at the end. In one fascinating incident, I was told we were hiring someone to "help" our department (yay), and asked to review  the job description.... which included about 50% of my job tasks (boo). I mean, yay, really, but it was a bit of a shock to have the rug pulled right out from under me, in front of other people, with no advance warning. I was visibly flustered and scooted out of the room before some stupid tears completely ruined my composure. Guess I'll have to rectify all that today. The good news is I get to write my own job description, and this new person's, and define what I WANT to do and what I want to pawn off. Work is such a distraction sometimes. 

Fashion by KT

I said I was going to post a series' worth of KT's outfits. But of course this weekend, she dressed responsibly for once, and I didn't get any really great examples of the essence of her "style." Hmph.

I do have one from last weekend. It's not one of her best, but it hints at the concept.

That dress is a 3T, I found out later (she's in 5Ts), and she wore dark green bike shorts underneath. With blue sandals. And her blue and green beads, naturally. :)

We'll see what else she comes up with to entertain us.

At the mall; and lack of time

Screw it, I'm doing a blog post.

I've been trying to be really good at work, and not spend an hour (or more) doodling around on blogger.com, because that is not what they pay me for. But I'm feeling write-y and the only thing for it is to write. And no, not marketing copy. Blergh.

I went to the mall yesterday on my lunch hour. When I first walked in, it was nice and cool, and that mall-smell got into my head, and I was reminded why it's FUN to go to the mall. I walked in at a department store entrance and it happened to be the purses and jewelry area! Whee! My favorite. I have a department-store gift card still burning a hole in my pocket from my birthday, and I have a need of some new work clothes because I think, every morning, "I hate my clothes."

ANYWAY, I was happily browsing through Belk, and then I got to the mall mall and I remembered why I HATE going there: The kiosk assault. Or in this case, it was the sales team standing in front of their non-kiosk storefront -- 3 of them -- trying to foist some sample on me. Look, I know it's their job, but I do not want their stuff (I think it was lotion or some such). I do not want to say hello or make eye contact. I do not appreciate them saying, "Ma'am? MA'AM?" as I try to swiftly walk past.

The worst part was, they assaulted me on my way forward, and then on my way out they acted as if they'd never seen me before and did it AGAIN! I had to refuse their crap TWICE! Talk to the hand, no thank you!

I was reminded how awful it was to WORK at the mall. (I worked at a couple of retail stores in my teenage years.) Sometimes I think it would be nice, you know? A part-time thing, a change of pace from a seated, office job.... but no. It would be awful, awful. Lunch in the Food Court every day. I wonder how mall stores are even doing, with the crappy economy these past 5 years? I was there on a lunch hour, in the summer, and it was still pretty quiet.

I didn't spend my gift card because I remembered I'd received a mailer with even! more! savings! coupons. Plus, I didn't have enough time to browse and try on. What a luxury that would be. I know all you moms are with me -- time to browse? By myself? Unlimited? (Unheard of.)

"Not enough time" seems to be a theme. Summer's nearly over here. We have 2 and a half weeks, basically. That's crazy. One thing AJ and I tussle over is related to time: I'll pick him up after work sometimes, and he'll ask (very nicely, mind you) if we can please go to Barnes & Noble, or Target, or somewhere. Right now. And I'll have to say, "No, honey, I'm sorry, but we have X, Y, or Z to do, but we can go tomorrow." And he loses it. He can't grasp the concept -- although I have explained it to him gently many times -- that our free time is limited, and I need to have a couple of days' notice if he wants to do things like this, so that I can plan out my other errands/tasks for other times. You know? Because at 5:15 pm on a Wednesday, I'm thinking about dinner. I have about 45 minutes to get home and get it ready, because if we don't start dinner at around 6:00, we won't finish in time for them to have baths and get started going to bed (and you know I need extra time for that). And even though it's summer, we don't have the luxury of, if  we go to bed late, we'll sleep in the next morning. It's up and at 'em, 6:00 am. If I've planned a trip to B&N, however, then I'll already have dinner squared away, so it's in the crock-pot or we'll pick it up on the way. But I'm not good at being re-routed by a kid's whim to want to go spend money, right this second. (On days when I can take him, I try to -- but those days are few and far between.)

That's what's rolling around in my head on this fine Friday morning.

That, and I'm going to do a series of photo posts of KT's daily outfits. They really need to be documented.

7QT: Might as well finish out the week!

--- 1 ---

HEAVY SIGH. Love & Logic Night 4: It doesn't work if you switch up the routine. As in, on Thursdays we like to watch a TV show all together from 8 - 9pm. So there's no time for the wind-down, the happy-dappy choices game, and the talking about the "agreement." Maybe there IS time, but I ...It was another epic fail last night and then I FORGOT about the Hail Marys. Convinced it won't work without the Hail Marys.

--- 2 ---

Little rant about new people at work: The new guy on my team consistently jumps ahead and does whatever he thinks, before consulting others. I don't know that I'd put his ranking above mine -- if he were a superior, I'd give him a pass -- but he's more on an equal level. Last week he and I were copied on an email with 2 "next steps," the first of which I was responsible for. (sorry Grammerrrr?) I completed my Step 1 yesterday, and he has already replied this morning with news that he'd gone ahead and done Step 2. SO WHY AM I EVEN HERE? GGRrrrrrrr. New people need to settle down and absorb the team vibe before coming in and stepping all over it. Good thing he has a kind-sounding accent and used a 'wink' emoticon in an email already, or I would dislike him completely. #workstuff

--- 3 ---

First dose of AJ's medication: Doc said it would start working within 3 days. AJ had placebo effect, in that case, because this morning he was all proud for eating his mini-pancakes (4) AND two Pop-Tarts. (See, I'm feeding him all the right things to put on weight!) But hey, good for him, whatever works!

--- 4 ---

Reading! Books are fun! I read Life of Pi, by Yann Martel, at the beach. It was super, super good. I've said before, any book that elicits a strong emotional reaction whether it's love or anger toward a character or a plot, ranks as good. If it engages me enough that I get mad, good! If I cry and cry because I don't want it to end, good! This one made me walk out of the bedroom, after I'd read the last chapter, with a "O_O" look on my face. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? I loved it. I loved that that tiger was called Richard Parker.

Next, I read a book called Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It, by Gary Taubes. Don't recommend it. For a week and a half, it had my brain all skewed about what foods are good and what foods are "bad" -- it claims carbs are bad enough to be the CAUSE of cancer, and while maybe that's true, I have finally come back out of his brainwash, determined it's about 75% bunk. I mean, NO, we shouldn't eat all the white carbs. Obviously. Doughnuts and soft white bread are not real food. But his "diet plan" has you eating no sugar, not even fruit (red flag), no dairy except cream, plenty of fat, and he says you shouldn't exercise in the first couple of weeks because you won't have enough energy to do so. It was all very interesting, but confusing, and it's going into the archives of my Kindle so I don't have to look at it and be tempted again. It's one of those, "too good to be true" plans. Eat steak and butter and you'll lose weight!

I call Shenanigans. SHENANIGANS.

Right now I'm totally into Here Be Dragons (but only 40% through it, yay! don't want it to end)! Knew I'd love it, and I do.

--- 5 ---

Sandwich Artists: I just ate a delicious Black Forest Ham sandwich from Subway, with no chips whatsoever. The second half of that statement is, sadly, significant. But the keys to a good Subway, IMHO, are 1) Toast it; 2) Add avocado; 3) GET the onions. I know, you don't want to taste them the rest of the day, but MAN, can onions spruce up a boring ol' sandwich, or what? When I was in the 7th grade, my aunt made us ham and onion sandwiches sometimes for lunch (with mayo). I'd never had that simple combo before, but I liked it.

--- 6 ---

Stalling: Just now in the restroom stall, I heard the company Pres a few doors down, clicking on her phone. Settings > Keyboard Sounds, is my friendly advice to her.

--- 7 ---

No more Happiness Lists: I kind-of love this post from Britt Reints. SO many people, in so many "industries" like Health and Wellness and Stress and Productivity, are trying to distill the whole beauty of life down into "10 or 12 Easy Tips." And it's very tempting to think that could work -- could equal Happiness, capital H. Totally guilty here of wishing it were so. But guess what?

SEO tricks probably shouldn't dictate or measure your emotional status.

And with that, I'm done for the week. Happy Friday!

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