Hardest Part

My baby bird is almost ready to fly out of the nest. Of course, he is no baby; but you can't tell the mama bird that. I've been feeling The Sads for sure, mostly when I'm alone. It seems a little more pronounced this morning: only 2 days left, and it is grey and rainy-looking outside. 

There are a few great things about this time, to help me counterbalance myself. My mama friends and I are checking on each other frequently, which is so nice. We're all in this together. We're planning a brunch or wine night after everyone gets settled at their respective colleges; hopefully we'll boo-hoo a little, and then laugh a lot more. There's also this flood of memories: I've been trying really hard to put myself back in the shoes of the new college kid, and remember just how much FUN it was when I was a freshman who had just moved into her dorm. I think my freshman year was my very favorite year, out of four great years (I loved college so much). All shiny and new. Everyone else, too -- no one had an edge, we were all wide-eyed and knew nothing. Meeting people from Ohio, Minnesota, Baltimore, California, Philadelphia. Deciding which ones I wanted to be friends with. My freshman hallmates were sweet and we were pretty close at the beginning. I loved gathering up a group to go to dinner together, and letting our RA take us some of the places we needed to know about for the first time, like the nearby grocery store, or where to get the best frozen yogurt. I loved the newness of classes, and having them in interesting buildings, and walking across a grassy quad in between them. 

So: I'm trying to keep my focus there, instead of here at home, where his room is about to be empty and silent, and I won't need to buy apple juice as frequently because Kate doesn't really drink it. It's weird, those tiny things that will change. The hallway door to his bathroom can finally stay open, instead of how he keeps it closed and locked. His keys won't be hanging on the hook by the garage. There will be plenty of room on the living room couch since there will only be 3 of us.

I remind myself that he'll come back. On every form, his "Permanent Address" still says our house. And my coworker reminded me, 'If he's like most kids of this generation, he may come back after 4 years and live with you again," hahaha. And he may. We told him he's welcome to do that... while he figures out what to do next. 

There's also hope that the day of move-in will be stressful enough that I won't cry too much. This is what got me through his graduation ceremony without a single tear. The chaos of hauling boxes and bins to the third floor should make me too sweaty and tired to be sad, thank the good Lord. 

Anyway, we've arrived at the part of parenting that we never thought would get here this quickly. It is an unsurprising roller coaster of feelings and I'll be glad when the motion stops for a bit. I'll be glad when it's a Sunday night and we can have a somewhat regular FaceTime call with him, and hear about how much fun he's having.

These next two days, though: definitely the hardest part.

Make a list

• I'm grateful for a work from home day, after a frustrating day at my office yesterday (very dumb meeting, very dumb "project" walking around "helping" my manager decorate the walls (she did not need any help, it was useless for me to be there)). Today I am home with my best coworkers, the cats, and my Alex, with whom I only have 10 days left!
• I'm grateful for my parents, who generously financed a 529 account for Alex 18 years ago, which I used this morning to pay our first bill from the University of Georgia. 
• I'm grateful for the Zell Miller Scholarship (funded by the state, available to every student who meets GPA and SAT/ACT qualifications and goes to school in-state), which funded the tuition portion of that bill (but which, despite everyone's misperceptions, does not even cover half the cost of attendance - the educators around here make it sound like it's a free ride. It is not. Still, money on the table if a kid has the grades).
• I'm grateful for having dinner last night with Alex's soon-to-be roommate and his family. We're not all besties yet, but we did exchange phone numbers and had some good laughs and Mexican food, and I know that in time we're going to feel more comfortable with each other. 
• I'm grateful that the roommate himself is a chatty, interesting (and nice) dude; I think he'll help Alex come out of his shell a bit, conversationally, and I envision their dorm room will be a fun place to hang out. (I so loved the freshman dorm vibe when I was in college; I am grateful for those memories and hopeful Alex will have a similar experience.)
• I'm grateful that even though the stupid "here comes the bus" app has yet to work correctly this semester, Kate has made it to school each morning with no issues.
• I'm grateful she has had such a good first 2 days at school, seems to be meeting people and making friends, and is enjoying her classes. Hooray for getting over the hump of starting a new school! 
• I'm grateful she is enrolled in both French I and Chorus, so that I can re-live my younger years vicariously through her! (So. Geeked.)
• I'm grateful for friends checking on each other via text message, as we countdown to the first day of school here locally, and the upcoming days when we are moving our big kids into their dorms! 
• I'm grateful for my husband being so steady and dependable, and for always making me laugh even when I'm trying to be moody. 
• I'm grateful for good sleep.
• I'm grateful for work to do today.
• I'm grateful for breath in my lungs and a body to move around in.

High School Orientation! and Clothes

Another rite of passage today: Took Kate to Orientation for high school. There isn't too much to tell, really. She was nervous, but handled it. Met one girl in her homeroom (yay!) and saw the couple of kids she knows. She said she feels better after having gone, so the event served its purpose. One day left of summer vacation.

I do love our high school. Today, part of the parent presentation was to introduce our new mascots (our mascot is a bulldog) -- real live dogs in the building, wearing cute little dog-sized football jerseys in the team's colors!   

Moving on: Let's talk for one minute about how GREAT school uniforms are -- or, were, in our case. Kate is most nervous about what to wear every day, and I totally get it. I've been thinking about trying a clothes-rental subscription. Did you know this is a thing? My sister does it. She always has something cute on, and it turns out, she rents all these things! 

You get a box with, from what I can tell, 4-6 new pieces based on your style profile, and you wear them for a month, then send them back. And then you get another shipment! To me it seems like a perfect, chef's-kiss solution for teenage girls who are so fickle in what they like ("in" today, trash tomorrow!) and always want new, cute things. Of course these would be used cute things, but let's not dither over details. I also like that it's that "sustainable fashion" mindset; instead of buying something and wearing it a couple of times and then throwing it away or giving it to Goodwill, you send it back and someone else enjoys it.

Of course I would feel like I wasn't giving equal kid-treatment since her brother definitely was NOT offered such a thing. But boys wear athletic shorts and tshirts every day. Dressing a girl is a different animal entirely. 

It's somewhat expensive -- around $80-90 per month usually. But I don't know... maybe? I have spent an average of MUCH MORE than $80/month on clothes for Kate in the last 4 months. Granted, we've been trying to build a bit of a wardrobe after 9 years of plaid skirts and knee socks. But it seems like this would be a wise investment. I wonder if she would be at all interested. I'm not seeing a "teen" option on any of the sites so far, but maybe that's okay? Better, even, since there would be fewer teeny tiny crop tops that are barely a shirt.

---haha, Edited to add: I mentioned this to Kate just now and she is NOT interested. She says, "That would be so weird." Oh well. Keeping it here in case maybe you are intrigued, dear Reader! :)

Stretchy, and Plowing through Summer

The next few paragraphs might sound like I'm grumbling, but I really feel good about this situation, like I'm in control of it and things are bound to get better if I just put in the work.

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In an attempt to relieve all the lower back pain I've been having -- A LOT, more intense at the time of the month, but nearly always, even without that -- I've been stretching my hamstrings. Morning and evening, those "reclined 4" stretches where you lay flat, cross one ankle over the other bent knee, then pull up both legs toward your chest. And then also just straight-leg-into-the-sky stretches, focused on elongating the hamstring. Ooof. It hurts so good. I was hopeful that 7 days, twice a day, 4x each side and each exercise, would start to make a difference in my back... but today is the 7th day, and as of yet, no dice. I will keep going. 

I also bought a seat cushion made of gel and ergonomically constructed. It's much more comfy than the hard kitchen chair, that's for sure. But it also causes my feet to no longer touch the floor and I know that to be the most correct posture, ergonomically. I am determined to figure this out. 

People always say core, core, core to support and protect the lower back. I am not doing sit-ups, no matter what. I will do planks and standing-abs work and maybe a few Pilates-like moves, but I don't like it, Sam I Am. So here's hoping the stretching helps after 14 days. (I have also considered trying a Pilates studio, but that's only IF the rest of this stuff doesn't help at all.)

As long as I'm updating the "health" category, I went to the doctor yesterday and my cholesterol is still good. Thank you, Lipitor. 

Oh, another thing I bought that may be silly, but I couldn't resist: this foot-roller contraption. I haven't been as diligent about using it as doing the back stretches. Still waiting for it to be a miracle cure for the pain I feel in my heels every morning. 

Don't you just love when old people talk about nothing but their aches and pains?! 

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We returned from a little Orientation jaunt to the Univ. of GA. What fun! Shawn and I were like two kids in a candy store, and Alex very generously let us talk to him, when he was with us. Everything was so well planned! The amenities are so great! (And people wonder why the cost of college has gone up so much.) The school did a good job of dividing the time evenly, letting the kids be with other kids and leave us old people to our own devices (i.e., lectures from administrators). He slept in the dorm while we stayed in a hotel. He had fun things to do at night while we went to dinner and then watched a documentary in the hotel room. He met with his advisor and then registered for his first semester WITHOUT MY HELP at all! Imagine. 

I know he is ready and now even more excited to start, and it's a good thing because the days left of summer are very few! In fact, Kate only has 2 weeks until her first day of school. This is our plight in the modern South - for some reason, we end school ever earlier in May and start near July when our air conditioners have barely cooled off the classrooms - it doesn't make sense. 

But much of the weather doesn't make sense any more, does it?! We've had the rainiest summer I can remember. HOT, yes, like most of the country -- stupid hot. But also, so rainy. Nearly every day in July, I think, there has been rain. (Except the 2 days we were walking around in Athens, thank heavens.) Usually it includes thunder and lightning. I mean, I love a rainy day and it's generally good for my garden! But the tomatoes are a little overwatered at this point, and I'm not sure what to do about that.

Kate has two new books, which she asked for, so I hope she will be able to keep herself entertained today while I proofread a training manual for work. It's still hard, managing summer entertainment when you have to have a job -- but definitely easier than when they were younger. Yesterday, for instance, Alex and his girlfriend took Kate swimming at the girlfriend's pool. So nice of them. Last week, she did a one-day volleyball camp. I need to see if she can invite a friend over one day next week, to break up the monotony of the days. Maybe I can drop them at the mall for a while (although it's scary to think how many malls have been in the news lately, gah). Maybe not.

Today I've got red beans in the crockpot for our dinner. I'm not sure it's very summery, as far as meals go, but I didn't have to turn on the oven so it's a win. 

Stress, a Legacy

It was early last July that I posted about stress dreams, and my year of band boosters board membership was just beginning. In summary, it went like this: marching season, volleyball/basketball season, quick trip to Orlando, holidays, then Senior year/Spring semester/concert season, club volleyball season, then 2 graduations, 2 weeks of Covid (concurrently!), a 4-day work trip to south FL, and an immediate turn-around to our family vacation in north FL, including my sister's wedding! 

Is that a lot? 

I am joking, of course: That is A Lot. Realizing it has made me feel a little better that I've gained a few pounds. Who cares, but evidently I've been in a stressed mode for a long time now and my body thought it had best hold on to its energy reserves just in case of famine. I'm okay with it. And this is not a post about a health kick, although I would like to tackle that, too, somewhat. (I'd also like to let it go forever and not care, but I'm not there yet.)

It's a family trait; the women in my family tree all seem to have similar brains when it comes to overwhelm, to-dos and how those make us feel. Hosting a party? We freak out a little bit, as we're planning and cleaning and getting ready. Going on a trip? It's an Ordeal, until it's a relief that we did it. Even just an invitation to go out, for me, feels like an ordeal until after, when I'm so happy I did it -- I always catch myself complaining about it until I'm there, and it's so fun, and I'm reminded. Wouldn't we love to be the kind of women who just have an easy, breezy attitude about life! But we are not wired that way. 

Frequently, I notice that when I talk to my parents or my sister on the phone, it's a list of alllll the things I'm doing, or have done; a report on the state of the calendar, often with a dose of "and I don't know how it's all going to get done" thrown in. I don't like that. (Not to mention here on the blog!) I wish I could tell stories of our comings and goings with more emphasis on how much fun we had; what the decor looked like; what friends we saw. Maybe I do include those details, I don't know for sure, but I'd like to try to do it better.

I don't know the solution, but I do know what I want to try. More prayer and meditation and gratitude -- I already do those things, but they're the first to go when there are too many events on the schedule, along with workouts. More (and this sounds silly, but) before-bed baths, and naps! Self-care is a good thing, and a bath is so calming! Less marching band, haha -- that one has taken care of itself, although we will have a few college marching band things to attend, I'm sure. But let me keep those in perspective and look at them as FUN instead of something I have to capital-W-worry about. 

I'm looking ahead at Alex's college orientation next week (2 days in the adorable town of Athens, fun!), and then move-in and drop-off a month later. So maybe I'll try to handle those 2 things differently than this entire past year that I worried/panicked/whimpered my way through. I wonder if I can make the mental change? It's gonna take a real effort.

In the meantime, I am cooking a little bit! A few things on this week's menu plan:

• Spicy Garlic Lime Chicken: I made this once when the kids were at summer camp and Shawn and I liked it. Instead of Cayenne pepper, though, since they're here, I'm going to sub smoked paprika and hope it goes over equally well. And I'm going to roast some potatoes to serve with it. 
• Mexican Rice: Yum, with crumbled Fritos on top!
• One-Pot Kielbasa Pasta: Turned out amazing; instead of diced tomatoes, which I inexplicably did not have in the pantry, I used up the zucchini, broccoli, and red bell pepper I had in the fridge. Really, really good. 
• For the 4th of July, I made this yummy Spicy corn dip! You should try it, especially if you like jalepenos. It's great with tortilla chips and also Wheat Thins!

Friday Five: Health, books, friends, and (2) kids

1. Health update: I finally got a negative Covid test this past Tuesday, thank goodness! Took forever... and I punished myself, I guess, by continuing to test so many times, hoping. But anyway, I'm so glad that's over. I still feel some lingering effects, like a persistent need to clear my throat a little, and by the end of the day, I get a little stuffy nose. For those general two weeks, I was having to allow myself some afternoon naps -- I got so tired! Made me even more grateful for WFH, not that they would have allowed me to the office with Covid. Both the nose thing and the fatigue seem to be getting better now. (I would still like to allow myself naps, however!) I never lost taste/smell, thank the heavens above.

2. I got new books! One afternoon last week, while both kids were at a graduation party from 2 until 8, I took my solo trip to Barnes & Noble. It was so fun. I came back with a copy of The Borgia Confessions, which I hope will be good. It's been a good while since I've read a 15th-century Catholic-church-scandal-drama, lol. From now until the beach trip, I downloaded from the e-library an Emma Donohue novel, The Pull of the Stars, set during the time of the 1918 flu epidemic. Appropriate! So far I love it.

3. For my birthday we had a double-date! We never do a ton of double-date-nights with friends, well... because we don't feel like we HAVE that many couple-friends, really. Or schedules don't line up. (People who have kids, y'know?) But for my birthday, I decided that's what I wanted to do. We made plans with Allegra, my best band-mom buddy, and her husband, and had a lovely, lovely time! A couple of peach bellinis helped, to be sure, but even without those I think we would have enjoyed it. (I only felt slightly bad that I chose to go out without the kids for my birthday. Then I stopped that thought; sometimes you have to allow yourself a wish granted. I deserved it.) Last night, we met up with the family of Alex's future UGA roommate for pizza. It was also fun, and they said they'd like to get together a few more times before the boys head to school. A little as if they're interviewing us repeatedly, Shawn pointed out, but I still want to. ;) So yay!

4. Alex is enjoying some downtime after a very full, very non-stop senior year. I'm glad for him. He deserves to rest and relax; he's reading for pleasure, gaming, sleeping really late. I even think he's been bored some of these afternoons. (Good!) This week, though, he had his very first job interview. Fingers crossed, because I can't have him bored all summer, and a little spending money will be nice for him to have. Yesterday he and I went to lunch at Panda Express, one of his favorites. I'm trying not to think about the finite number of days we have left with him at home....

5. Kate is away at WinShape. In every photo we've seen, she seems utterly happy, no surprise. But I woke up in the night thinking, among many other things for over an hour, about how she's cut off from her 8th grade friends this week (phones aren't allowed), and the minute she gets back we'll be going away again, to the beach. I guess July will require some social events planned for her. I want her to keep those friends close.  

Hooray for Fridays! We have Alex's senior piano recital tonight, and maybe tomorrow we'll see a movie (and maybe do some dorm shopping? At least that's one thing I'd like to do...). 

Things I'm Excited to Buy

First, though: Graduations!

Last Tuesday:

And last Thursday:

 

We did it! Both kids decorated with Honors, making us so very proud.
I also got Covid. I don't want to talk about it. 

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I have some things on my summer wish list right now; want to talk about them? 

1. A new wall calendar! Our very last St. Joe's school calendar ends in June -- it has been a constant companion on our fridge these last 13 years (!), handy because it already had half of the important dates printed on it. I'm happy because 2022 calendars should be on sale, probably, and I can finally choose a pretty one. (The St. Joe's calendar, while handy, was not pretty in any way.) 

2. A beach-read paperback! I just started The Midnight Library on my Kindle, and I can tell I'm going to like it; however, I will probably finish it before our vacation at the end of this month, and besides, I am not a fan of bringing my Kindle Fire to the beach. Stupid glare. I could go back to using my original Kindle, I guess, with its paperwhite screen... maybe I will dig that thing out and try to charge it and see what happens. But still: A good paperback is the ticket. I have no idea what I want so I might allow myself a fun trip to Barnes & Noble to browse -- one of my very favorite things in the world is to browse a bookstore and leave with something new!

3. Feta cheese. This is silly and small, but I keep seeing "summer salad" recipes online that use orzo and feta (and veggies, of course). I bought the orzo this past weekend but I forgot the feta. The salads seem so delicious and refreshing (just please: no mint) and I need some new lunch inspiration. 

4. New athletic shoes. I've been wearing Asics Women's Gel Venture the last several years in a variety of colors, and I like them, but I'm also kinda ready for something new. I'm trying to be good about buying athletic shoes frequently, because that's one thing my doctor told me about both back pain and foot pain: Wear good shoes. Old-lady shoes. Supportive shoes. So, fine, I'm an old lady. At some event I was at recently, two women were talking about these Hoka One One (?) shoes that seem to be trending; I never know what's on-trend so I was glad for a little insight. I would rather not spend $150/pair, but sometimes it's worth it.

5. All the dorm things! Yesterday Alex secured a dorm room for himself and his roommate, and I've been reading the packing lists and looking at the pictures and trying to start thinking about buying all of that stuff. It's so hard! For one thing, you just don't know exactly what the kid will want, maybe not until they get there and start living there. I guess I should stop right there and just be okay with waiting -- there is such a thing as Amazon Prime, after all. If he gets there and decides he needs XYZ storage cabinet, we can order it and have it to him in 2 days. Also, it's hard having a boy who claims he doesn't really care about rugs or full-length mirrors or comforter designs, when I myself would like his room to end up looking like something the Property Brothers designed -- subtle, yet neat and sensical. Ha! I guess I will hope that he'll develop a Personal Style as he gets older, and until then, a bed with a pillow is truly all he needs (and all there's room for! it's like decorating a Tiny House)!

Next Two Weeks: This Is It!

I joke a lot about Not Planning This Very Well, when my friends marvel that I've got both a graduating high school senior and graduating 8th grader this year. I really did count wrong: When we got pregnant with Kate, I looked at the age Alex would be when she was born (3), and thought, "oh, perfect! He'll be a high school senior when she's a freshman! He can show her the ropes!" I forgot to notice the months, and the schoolyear cutoff month, and all that. Whoopsie. Not that there was anything to be done about it, but it didn't cross my mind again until, oh, a few years ago when Alex actually started high school. "Waiiiit a sec," I realized. "He'll graduate when... oh. Shoot." Haha. 

So anyway, the next two weeks are Pret.ty. Big. for our family. First it's the last week of school... Alex has already been Senioritis-ing his way through this week, since his AP exams are taken, and all the band concerts are finally done. He has his yearbook, his cap and gown (needs ironing asap), the announcements have been sent, and we're mentally moved on to August and his move-in at UGA. (Did I tell you he chose a roommate? He chose a roommate; a kid from band. They're not best of friends, but I think they'll do fine together. It'll be nice to start with someone familiar, maybe. Good family. I'm relieved.)

Kate's teachers are still making them work for it, with a few last projects (one final "hey Mom this is due tomorrow" moment yesterday, Thank You So Much Dear Teachers) and academic days. But the mood is set, we're getting pumped about the 8th Grade Last Day festivities at St. Joe's, and then Hoya Lights at the high school, a night of fireworks and baby pictures that's designed to make moms cry -- again, Thanks So Much, but I really didn't need any assistance there.

This morning I was gathering school-years pictures of Kate for a poster I'm supposed to make for her. It was so fun. And also, of course, heart-squeezing, as I wondered if I've really enjoyed all of these years as much as I should have. Gulp. Probably best not to ponder. But I did enjoy them didn't I?.... I know I tried. I hope this blog shows evidence of me trying. There were some hard years, juggling everything, especially when my work situation made me tense and unhappy. But I enjoyed the Drama club chaperoning for both kids. I enjoyed them having friends over. I enjoyed Kate being funny and little and crazy. I enjoyed the heck out of being a Band Mom for Alex, as you well know. Many more things (I discovered the blog archives this morning and yes, there were happy times. <3)... And I'm SO, SO grateful that God made it possible for me to have a little more flexibility, here at the end of both things, so I can manage it all right now. To wit:

Sunday: Baccalaureate for Alex (which he had never heard of and I had to define for him)

Wednesday next week: Candlelighting Mass at St. Joe's and then Kate's last Vball practice with her class

Thursday: Hoya Lights at the football stadium

Friday: Carpool shenanigans, 8th Grade Vs. Teachers Volleyball Game, picnic, pool party, and Alex's Last Day in High School (typing this just made my throat tight) - I took the day off work

Saturday 21st: Two graduation parties for Alex's friends (overlapping), and Kate's class dance party

Monday 23rd: Grandparents arrive!

Tuesday 24th: Kate's graduation 

Thursday 26th: Alex's graduation

Friday 27th: Alex's graduation party at home (small, family)

I declare that Monday the 30th, Memorial Day, will be a day of napping.

There's Another Plan

Well, it didn't go the way she wanted. 

When she came out of the gym, her eyes were wet but almost convincingly bright, she was trying so hard to keep her emotions in check. The coach spoke to each girl individually, I guess, because she told Kate if she'd had 16 spots on the team instead of 12, there would have been room for her. Told her to improve her speed getting to the ball, and be louder. Kate said she didn't understand how girls who didn't perform as well as she did, got a spot at the callbacks. (Boy, did that one resonate with  me -- I watched SO many theatre auditions go that same way, where the girls who could only kind-of sing got the big roles and I was always, always relegated to the chorus even when I knew my voice was clearer, more on-pitch. Maybe not as loud, but definitely prettier. Sorry not sorry, it was true.)

Anyway, it's a crappy lesson to have to learn, but I guess we all have to learn it somehow. You can't always get what you want. 

I'm proud of her for trying, for fighting her nerves and going for it, and for coming out the other side okay, despite the negative outcome. I talked to her (texted her) about going back next year -- the coach encouraged her to -- and how that would show character and persistence. And I bet a lot of the girls who made it this year were rising sophomores who didn't make it last year but came back. It isn't like marching band, where they can take basically an unlimited number of people -- there are only so many spots. And she asked, "How can I get better over the summer?" which makes me the most proud. The club she played with this spring offers some summer day camps which she can go to, and I bet they offer other things throughout the fall, too. And of course there's next spring's club season.

She's most disappointed, I think, because she had set her heart on this being her "identity" in high school. And that's a really big thing to have to let go of, for now. She probably doesn't even realize that's what hurts. But God's got another plan for her and we'll just have to wait to find out what that is.

Tough thing to parent a kid through, that's for sure. Do not recommend, zero stars. 

Tryouts

High school volleyball tryouts are this week -- last night and again tonight. Our KT baby is 1) old enough for high school (!) and 2) very, very eager to play on the Hoyas' team. Last night went well, despite her nerves. I reminisced about feeling nervous for an audition/tryout. (She had tried to accuse me of not knowing how it feels. Ha!! Hahahaha!) My entire teenage life was about auditions/tryouts! Every musical I ever wanted a role in, and I think there were at least 11 of those, and every single high school year (except the year I skipped) cheerleading. I remember, indeed. The butterflies. The dread. The clammy hands. The having-to-go-to-the-bathroom so many times. I did not envy her last night, you can be sure. 

But she was brave and actually thought it went really well. (Naturally, parents were barred from watching.) The coach had a style she was familiar with, the drills they did were nothing she'd not seen before, and she knows what she needs to show them tonight. 

Doesn't make ME less nervous for her, though! There are 47 girls trying out for about 26 spots on the team. 

Various friends from club volleyball and other places have had their tryouts, as well. Some of the other schools in the area have a 9th grade team in addition to JV and Varsity. Not ours. I wish we did. 

I'm at work today of course, but every time I stop for a minute, I remember what's coming at 6:00 pm and I get a little shiver of butterflies. It's so big. A potentially defining moment, whether she makes it or not, I guess. She should know by the end of the evening. 

Menu Planning in May!

I guess I gave up cooking in about mid-March, due to all the practices and Cornhole and Board meeting circumstances every night of the week except Thursdays. It has made me feel off-kilter, for sure, but was also a relief to just let it go. We've fared okay. One of Kate's favorite busy-weeknight, pre-volleyball practice go-to meals was frozen potstickers. Any brand, any variety will do. They take about 10 minutes in a skillet to cook up and have a nice crispy edge, and she ate them at least once a week. I know Alex and Shawn have had plenty of Spaghetti-Ohs dinners. Once in a while I've made recipes thinking they would last the week and provide some easy leftovers meals... and then no one ends up eating them but me. Things like red beans and rice in the crockpot, a sausage/pasta baked casserole, and BBQ meatballs.

But THIS WEEK we are without any volleyball or drum/band practices on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday! So I actually had to think a little bit when making a grocery list.

I don't think it's necessary to tell you everything we're eating this week, because it's all my usuals, nothing new -- first I have to see if I remember how to cook, lol. Maybe next week, or better yet, after school ends for the year, I'll venture into trying new recipes again. 

Meanwhile, I hung my just-delivered fundraiser hanging baskets yesterday -- pretty pink-flowered "million bells" -- and set out my 2 tomato plants, so that makes me want to clean up the rest of the planters. I do love puttering around in the garden! We also have some pretty red house finches making a nest on top of one of the columns on our front porch. Interestingly, there seem to be three of them building the nest -- a modern bird family, I guess! 

Would be nice to have a spring meal or two outside among the fresh flowers and birdies before it gets too hot. Also trying to decide if I can manage to host a graduation party for the graduate; if I do, that would likely be in the backyard as well. We'll see. No time to muse about it, my job tasks-list is huge today. But happy Monday and happy new month. I think if I can get through May, ... well, I was going to say "things will calm down," but that may not actually be the case. I will work on ENJOYMENT of each day no matter how busy, instead of "getting through." Remind me. 

Mid-April Rundown: Some book recs, sunrise/sunset moments, etc.!

Here it is, mid-April, and I haven't posted anything at all. What will solve it better than bulleted updates? Nothing, I think.

• I haven't bought any dresses for me -- well, except one, the Bridesmaid/matron dress for Jilly's wedding in June. Kate and I are the attendants and we bought matching-color dresses in very different styles. I had a dream last night that I tried mine on and it fit perfectly in the waist/bodice, which I truly hope is what will happen. My fear is that I ordered one size too small and it will be too late to fix it. Panic panic panic. I'm working very hard to drink 75 ounces of water every day and am doing dreaded "core strengthening work" just to make double-sure I've done my best to fit into it. (I did measure myself before ordering but I don't trust those size charts.) ....Anyway, I still need something to wear to each kid's graduation. I might try to hit Kohl's this afternoon since the Easter dress racks should be on sale... 
• Kate is well-stocked with three dresses for the season (so far). She did have a hard day of trying on a lot of things and nothing really fitting right or available in her size. Don't you HATE shopping trips like that? I really felt bad for her; it's such a quick way to a bad mood. 
• I just finished a great book, The Burgess Boys, by Elizabeth Strout. I did love Olive Kitteridge, and even moreso, Olive, Again, and her writing style has endeared her to me, although I did NOT love Lucy Barton. Still, I highly recommend The BB. Before that, I read one called The Giver of Stars, by Jojo Moyes. Either I wasn't paying attention or she didn't link the name of the book to the story, but at any rate it was an enjoyable historical fiction about a small mining town in Kentucky during the WPA era, and the Packhorse Librarians who delivered books to the rural poor. Two thumbs up, would also recommend this one, if you think it's your thing. 
• Easter was a lovely day yesterday and I had the thought, what if it's our last Easter with Alex home? Maybe he won't want to come home for the weekend next year! Sob, sob.
• Which brings me to the official news: He has committed to UGA and we put down the big deposit! Go Dawgs! (Never thought I would be a UGA devotee! Have always been kind-of annoyed at the stupid spelling of "Dawgs" when the official mascot is, in fact, the Georgia Bulldogs. But here we are, and I'm actually really excited to wear a lot of red and black in the near future.) Now I have the next milestone tasks swirling around my head. I joined a FB Group for Parents of the Class of '26 and (it may have been a mistake, because) all the talk is about finding a roommate and how do we use this website or that, and "did your kid get this letter in his portal account?" and it's making me crazy. My feeling is the kids need to do this stuff their dang selves if they're about to go away to college! I'm hoping Alex will soon have time to start working on those things, and on his marching band audition video (he's already working on it -- due May 1). 
• No sooner did we finalize UGA than the University of North Florida sent their admittance letter and a $16,000 Presidential something-or-other scholarship. Which is lovely. Still wouldn't cover the cost of out-of-state tuition, and we're hoping for more from the state of GA. But it was somewhat confusing for him to get that letter; he said, "It just feels wrong to turn down that kind of money." And I agree! 
• I am WAY behind in my gardening! I know you're supposed to wait, anyway, until after Tax Day or Easter, and those just passed... but my backyard feels sad. No time to do it this weekend, either - we have a volleyball tournament. Tra-la! I guess it will get planted sometime....
• Kate's been really sad about leaving her school. She and her friends are listening to sad songs, crying together over old pictures (I assume) late into the night. This has happened twice now. It's alarming when we hear her just sobbing, but we asked her about it and were told to kindly leave her ALONE, she's just sad. I get it. I remember some similar crying in my own life, after 6th grade and after the particularly fun community theater shows ended. Endings in life are hard, aren't they? Especially when you're young. 

Keeping the diary updated, that's all I can muster! ;)

Retirement Age

Shawn and I just attended the retirement lunch for one of his coworkers, Cathy, who was once one of my coworkers. I knew her before I knew Shawn, actually. She seemed "older" at that time, but she was probably around my current age, maybe a few years younger. HA! (She threw us a little co-ed wedding shower, actually, at Manuel's in our old neighborhood. Remember, honey?) He and I have 15 & 20 years to go,  respectively, but it's weird to think that we're at the age now where we're learning how to give good retirement parties. Not bachelorette parties or wedding showers, or even good kid birthday parties: retirement parties. 

It was odd to go out to lunch at all, to be honest. I go out once a week-ish, with my current favorite cowrker, but I remember the days when going out to lunch was a nearly-every-day thing. Sometimes, a group of us (including this friend who's retiring) went to our favorite restaurant twice in the same week. Frequently. Oh, Sundown Tacos, how I miss you. Paying for a full lunch twice in one week is pretty unfathomable to me now. Particularly since I work from home, but even if I didn't... I just can't see allowing myself to spend money like that, all willy-nilly! TWICE?! That's just crazy talk.

Anyway, we're old, get off my lawn, the end.

Well, not really the end, I guess: this WEEK will never end. It's only THURSDAY gahhhhhhhh. And directly following this week is a super-long weekend of full days with both band and volleyball. TIME OF OUR LIVES, TIME OF OUR LIVES, I keep telling myself, and there IS an element of fun energy to it, that if you can put blinders to the logistics, is truly THE BEST. Last weekend, for example: volleyball games were won! Kate was playing well and happy! Volleyball moms are sweet and fun to hang out with! Walking to lunch on a gorgeous 70-degree day! Dinner with (other) friends! Then an AMAZING concert at a beautiful concert hall, with Alex playing the star-highlighted clarinet part! I mean, my heart could not have been more full. I just had to not think about 1) handling all the things on the calendar at once and 2) DRIVING all over creation. 

It's really true what I was told as a young mother, though, crying over having to work full-time and put my kids in daycare: They actually need you MORE when they're older. It was so hard for me to fathom that then, but now I see it. While our teens don't necessarily want us around them all the time, they need us more, a) to drive them when they aren't old enough yet, and b) just to be the assuring support behind their big activities. To BE THERE. Presence. It lays that foundation for them, and lets them be themselves and do their things and become who they're meant to become. 

So thanks, Marybeth, for that sound advice so long ago. 

My sugar detox went fairly well, if you consider having one small piece of dark chocolate at the end of day 2, and one peanut butter energy ball w/chocolate chips during day 3, a success. And I do. It's much better than a day with 2 quick cookies, then an energy ball, then a piece of dark chocolate, and maybe one more cookie a little later. I am my father's daughter. I think even a 3-day fast from sugar was difficult, though (clearly). Maybe I should do one day off, one day on. Still thinking on it.

I'm also trying to eat more salads as meals. It's just that it's kind-of a pain to make them. But worth it, really, and maybe with summer almost here, I'll feel more like salads. Maybe I'll try new vegetables (radishes? endive? more cabbage?) and allow a little bit of good cheese (FETA, droooool). Make some yummy vinaigrettes. Does it sound like I'm trying to convince myself? Because I am.

Hey guess what else? It's time for me to buy dresses for GRADUATIONS. My own kids' graduations, not just "the season of." This whoooooole post is connected now -- getting old... eating salads... fitting into new, pretty dresses, graduating kids!

Sugar Detox

"Sugar Detox" is written is big letters across today, tomorrow and Friday on my planner. After yesterday, I need one. Well, I have needed one much longer than that, but yesterday was just the final straw in feeling discouraged with myself about how much sugar I can consume in a day. It's Phil's fault. 

My coworker, Phil, from the UK, surprised me by being in my office yesterday when I got to work! I am still trying to only go to the office one or two days a week -- in fact, this week, my boss told employees that with the cost of gas rising so much, we are all welcome to work from home again as much as we like (he's so good about this stuff since Covid) -- and Tuesday is my day. I don't work with Phil on a daily basis anymore, so I had no idea about his travel schedule. What fun to see a friendly face from so far away when I arrived! 

Phil always brings treats from Great Britain. Yesterday they included some good shortbread, which I cannot resist. But I had already treated myself to a Pop Tart, because I needed an "on the go" breakfast! And then he held out the tin of shortbread (it's a tin because it's British), instead of quietly just placing his gift in the break room. What else could I have done but take one as he stood there? No polite way out of that, and because shortbread is SO delicious I found another small piece of it later in the day after he DID take it to the break room. I felt called after that, to learn how to make shortbread at home. Buttery and sugary and that crumbly TEXTURE?! Heaven help me. But I also kept hearing the word "diabetes" in my head, Wilford Brimley style, and therefore: Sugar Detox. 

Over the past weekend I also made some treats, myself, at home. I was thinking of Toll House original chocolate chip cookies, but those take some time and dirty so many dishes. So I went with a 3-ingredient recipe for "Super Rich Cookie Bars" instead (it's 1.33 cups of graham cracker crumbs, a can of condensed milk, and 1.5 cups of chocolate chips, bake at 350 for 30 minutes). And I've eaten at least 4 of them. You have to cut them small because they're so rich, so it seems like a reasonably tiny treat... until you eat 4. ANYWAY. I also made "protein energy balls," which have healthy old fashioned oats and coconut and peanut butter in them, but are really a no-bake cookie (also chocolate chips and honey, lol). 

And in general I like something sweet after a meal. A square of dark chocolate or some dried cranberries. 

It's just too much sugar. So the rest of this week I am going to be drinking lots of water, and will attempt to have sugar-free gum at the ready after meals. I'm not aiming to never eat sugar again, just need to put a hard stop to it for a bit. Clear my cache, so to speak. (Clear my cookies is more like it!) I sincerely wish I could "lose my taste" for sweet things in 3 days, but we all know that isn't gonna happen. Wish me luck.

College Nostalgia and Impressions After a Weekend at UGA

It's really interesting, I think, that a person's college experience can shape so much of who they become. I really believe that. For myself, I truly found myself as a chorister/musician; I found a group of friends that I still see, however infrequently, to this day; and I got an internship my senior year which led to a full-time job which is where I met Shawn. So it's a monumental thing, and I guess it's why I've been so thinky (and maybe naggy) about it for Alex. It's important! It's the launching pad for your life trajectory. 

Our weekend in Athens was excellent, starting with a perfectly-timed campus tour. Once he got the acceptance letter, I quickly got online and lo and behold, there was an available tour the day we were planning to arrive for All-State. His rehearsal didn't start until 6:45, and the tour was at 2:30. Divine intervention. I signed us up. It was neat when the enthusiastic guide started his welcome speech with, "I hear we have some new admits here today..." and knowing he meant my kid. 

We liked the campus and I was glad it wasn't as overwhelming/large as I'd imagined it to be. Very manageable. We lucked out with a beautiful spring day. (Short-sleeves and I wish I had worn open-toed shoes, it was that warm. God bless Georgia sometimes.) Nothing like a college campus when the weather's good, fall or spring! We took pictures in all the iconic spots, bought Alex an official 2022 National Champions (football, in case you aren't a college football fan) t-shirt in the bookstore, and ate some dinner in the student center. I want to remember this, also: One of his favorite things about the student center was a gaming room. Ha! We walked past it several times and saw kids hanging out in there; I think it was eye-opening, that they had their own place, right there in the middle of everything. 

I tried not to explain things so much that I annoyed him, but it was fun to talk to him about getting around campus, scheduling classes, best places to study (for me it was a Theology library; at UGA it's apparently the Law Library), RAs, roommates, and free food events. ;) He was asking good questions. I told him college is really the only time in your life when everything/anything is available to you. You're on your own, don't have to ask permission (in most cases), and you can just sample things you're curious about. 

I remember, for instance, renting a tent/sleeping bag from the rec center at Emory and going on a camping weekend (tour guides love to tell you this is possible, at every campus). We would go to the A/V library on Friday nights when we lived on campus, to watch a movie for FREE. I volunteered/ushered at the campus theater. I had interesting little jobs at a residence hall desk and later at the same A/V library. You could go to basketball games for FREE. (I mean, free with your tuition, lol.) Workout at a gym for FREE -- I'd never done that before. Join an intramural softball team just for fun. Go hear a lecture by a random author. I planned pizza parties for after Sunday night Mass. Music students knew that we could get very cheap tickets to the Atlanta Symphony, and we had to, for credit in our classes; I never have gone to the symphony as much as I did while in college. There's just SO MUCH available. (And we didn't even have a football team, much less a championship one!)  

So, the real reason we were there was the All-State band concert that Alex auditioned for and made. During the rehearsals on Friday, I was able to see one of my college besties and his family, who were there for their daughter's All-State concert as well. So that made me even MORE nostalgic.  

Sadly, we were disappointed with news from Ga Tech while there -- we held our breath and looked together at the expected email, and... he was not admitted. But, as my sister Jill pointed out, what better place to receive that news? We were having fun at UGA, who needs Tech?! I think that made it easier for Alex. For sure makes the decision process easier! 

I don't know that he feels CERTAIN about it, in the way that you just KNOW about some things; but he was definitely in a state of, "I could be happy here." And you know that makes me happy. :) 

Guess What?

Last Friday, I drove myself and Kate to our weekend sports getaway in Charlotte, NC. Second weekend in a row. It was a perfectly normal road trip, except for lots of construction on one stretch of I-85 through SC and NC which made my knuckles white and my pedaling foot tired. We arrived at our hotel, got parked and checked in, and then quickly drove to the site of the first basketball game of the tournament, to watch our boys' team.

I found a seat on the bleachers. The phone buzzed. "Guess what" from Alex.

It was around 5:30; I thought for sure the cats had finally knocked over my vase of flowers from Valentine's Day. But no: The next message was this:

Y'all, I was overcome. I loudly gasped right there in the gym. Thank goodness I was with friends, who were so sweet and congratulatory and understanding when I got SO teary. OUR BOY IS GOING TO COLLEGE. What a moment. WHAT a blessing! Bless dear Alex, for sharing it with me! My heart still gets going when I think about receiving the news. 

It's been hard, since he didn't apply early decision, seeing lots of his peers start receiving their letters already. I thought we would have to wait all the way to March, so this was a huge surprise in the middle of February.

Of course, he still has 2 more schools from which to hear, before he makes a decision. But this utter RELIEF that yes, he WILL go to a university and not be resigned to the commuter college down the street (which is a good school, but you know). 

HE DID IT.

Road Trips

One of my favorite road trip memories from childhood is when we listened to books on tape. Remember those? You could check them out from the library or buy them, and they were a set of 4 cassettes or something. On one 7-hour drive from Hereford to Dallas, I seem to recall that we heard James and the Giant Peach, and on another, it was The Secret Garden. Both were such good stories, of course, and I just loved that we were listening together.

Does your family ever play the cows road-trip game? If you see them on your side of the car, you claim them, and try to estimate/count how many... but if you pass a cemetery you "lose" them and go back to zero. Shawn and I did that once or twice before kids. There's also the alphabet game, the license plate game... twenty questions... 

I had some vague hope that my road trip with Kate last weekend would include similar fun -- not with a book on tape, obviously but maybe with a podcast -- Office Ladies, for example. We'd been listening to it after school several months ago, but not in a while. Music would've been be fun, too; typically when she gets in my car these days she plugs in her phone immediately and starts up the Taylor Swift/One Direction playlist. I'm not an official Swiftie, but I have to admit I have my favorites. ;) 

Alas, it was not meant to be. And I guess it's my own fault: When the kids were little we fastened the dual-screen DVD player to the backs of our headrests and gave them the book of DVDs. They never learned to look out the window! Curious George, the dreaded Caillou, and Ben 10 were the discs of choice. And The Princess Diaries -- I remember Kate asking for that one Every. Time. (Poor Alex.) We trained her precisely to watch movies on long road trips, and so this past weekend, that is what she did. For 3 hours straight, all the way to Montgomery. With AirPods.

We've graduated to streaming Netflix or Disney+ with our unlimited data plan (I can't say I fully understand what that means because there are times when we still get "you have almost reached your limit" notifications) in the year 2022. I know she watched a few Gilmore Girls episodes, and finished the movie Inside Out. I was left to play my own music, softly and with the Fade/Balance turned all the way to the driver's side so it wouldn't disturb her (!). It was less than satisfying. On the other hand, I was driving, which is a rarity for road trips in my married life, so I had to pay attention.

This weekend we're loading up the Ford again and headed north, to Charlotte NC. I volunteered to drive one of Kate's teammates. She is happy about that. I bet they will not even acknowledge my presence, this being the usual method of teens. I will be the invisible Driver. I'm fine with it, really -- again, the need to concentrate on the road. 

Orrrr... I wonder how far I can push to be "Fun Mom" and make it a "Road Trip" before I embarrass her? Should I find Hair Nation and turn up/sing Bon Jovi real loud? Or buy some Twizzlers and hang them out of my mouth? 

Volleyball Mom: I'm learning

Here are a few things I learned this weekend about club volleyball tournaments:

1. They are equally as exciting/nerve-wracking for a parent as marching band competitions
2. You can enjoy them while not fully understanding all the rules of the game (and believe me, I do not fully understand!)
3. You can meet new parents as you cheer on your kids together
4. You should definitely bring a book for the hour-long breaks between your player's games, when her team has to referee for two other teams that you don't care much about (I'm so glad I had one!)
5. Bring snacks and drinks not only for your player, but for yourself
6. Or you can go get drink-drinks with your cousins who are club volleyball pros, and this is a better option
7. The merch table is a dangerous pit -- do not go near unless you're ready to part with a lot of dollars (of course I did)
8. You will be tired and cranky by 5pm if you don't eat any actual meal

So, we traveled across town to Kate's tournament this weekend, both Saturday and Sunday. Long days. I'm actually so GLAD that Alex had other things to do -- it was his Honor Band weekend for the county/district, so he had a whole day rehearsal on Saturday and a performance Sunday afternoon. He would have been bored at the volleyball thing, and would probably have felt a little out of place.

(I also learned that I really don't like having to miss one kid's big moments while watching another kid's. Thank goodness for video.) 

Anyway, we went, and we invited Lara and Jeff on Saturday, whose daughters played club volleyball about 8-10 years ago. That was a good call and added some fun to it for us. 

Kate's team lost every single set they played on Saturday. It was terrible! After they lost the first one, they just couldn't muster any positive energy. None of them played like they usually play! But Sunday, they managed to come back and win a match, which helped their morale a lot. It's really fun to watch them as they're learning these big sports/life lessons.

Next week is our travel weekend, and we'll go to Montgomery, AL for a 2-day tournament. Just a couple hours' drive from here, but it's exciting to stay at a hotel and all. The parents are making plans and goody bags and I hope it's a good time. 

Alex has a percussion competition (he's playing cymbals this semester in the percussion ensemble!) the same day, so Shawn will attend that instead. I really hate missing things. But I suppose it's time to start getting used to that, as the first kid prepares to leave the nest in the fall.... IF he gets in where he wants to (Georgia Tech), of course. We're waiting on pins and needles until Spring Break, I guess, when those decisions get made. 

Tonight is an 8th grade night at the high school so I'm taking Kate. So much transitioning to new things lately! Maybe that's why I feel a little ...adrift? Unsettled? Something. I can't quite get solid bearings; everything feels like it's swirling around me a little bit. I sit down to work and am unfocused. I try my best to do one thing at a time, but it's hard. 

I'm not stressed over it (yet), although I did have a stressful moment Sunday night when every group I'm part of started text threads at the same time. Band moms, Volleyball moms, basketball moms, and just regular friends, ding! ding! Ding-ding! I nearly turned the phone off altogether. And meanwhile, teens and preteens were sighing loudly at me (and speaking like teens speak to parents, which is to say, somewhat unkindly).

This is the time of our lives, right? :) 

No cooking this week! Well, I have some salmon I might make on Thursday, we'll see. 

Today is Shawn's Birthday

Happy birthday to my Darling Husband! Today, I will bake you a cake! 

(I seriously love working from home.) 

He went to his office, on the other hand, on his birthday. We are both gluttons for punishment; back in June I worked on my birthday, too. BUT: In a wild act of celebration and treating himself, he did not make a lunch this morning. I think he's going to have a Jersey Mike's sub, and CHIPS. And a full-sugar SODA! 

He has some presents to open later and I will make his favorite meal -- say it together, everyone: Chili. :) It's a perfect winter climate for it, that's for sure! I wrote in my planner for January (because I'm so cheesy) that I want to celebrate him and make sure he feels loved on his birthday, and chili is definitely the way.

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Things have been rolling along, here in '22. Kate and I have attended her first club volleyball events, for which I finally broke down and bought bleacher seats with a back to lean on. These tournaments are long days in multi-court gyms, always on metal bleachers, and my lower back is not a fan. Hopefully the seats will help. Still, it's fun watching her have fun. Our determined little athlete. She really plays hard and gives it her all. 

Alex is doing All The Things in his spring semester senior year! And excelling (sorry to brag, but it's my blog and I will keep bragging): He auditioned for the county Honor Band and made 2nd chair clarinet, and then he went on to audition for All-State and made that, too! (He says he's last chair for that one, but I say, it's still a chair!) So there are several concerts in our future, with the preceding day-long rehearsals for him. He's playing cymbals in the Indoor Percussion Ensemble (new instrument!), and I think he's joined the Jazz Band again, as well?! Not to mention his two AP classes. He's a rock star.

Side note: It's so interesting to me, how in my family of origin, one of us kids (me) did all the artsy things (theater, choral performance) and one, my sister, did all the sports (basketball, cross-country, and later, crew and triathlon). History repeats.

All-State Band will be in March in Athens, a 2-hour drive away, and he'll miss a day of school. I booked a hotel. Along with Kate's out-of-town tournaments (one for basketball and one for volleyball), that means I have three hotel reservations at the moment, in the next 2 months. I hope I can keep everything straight. The problem is both kids seem to have events on the same weekends. Shawn and I are having a Big Calendar Meeting this weekend to work it all out -- who's going where and when. I am not stressed about it, just want to get these many ducks in a row. So I don't ...quack. HAHA!

I'm somewhat nervous that my manager is going to throw in work-trips for me, also; we have lots of tradeshows in March, ughhhhh. Pray she doesn't. I suppose I need to tell her about my personal calendar, but you know what's weird? Those things don't really get discussed as much because we don't see each other at the office anymore. We used to go to lunch once a week, but it has been a very long time since that has happened. 

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This semester I am not even trying to make real "meals" every night of the week. Instead, I'm writing "take out" or "fast-food" or a new term we learned from another family: Helpy-Selfy. Haha! I love that. Full meals are for Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays only. All other nights are spoken for with practices. Here are some of the things we've eaten lately:

• A cheater's version of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn: Old Standard. Everyone likes this, possibly even better than "real" meatloaf. I am opposed to the NAME of meatloaf (so unappetizing), but I enjoy eating it. 
• Sushi & Ramen! Using Kate's kit that she got for Christmas, we made homemade California rolls a couple of times. It's fun! ...although the process makes quite a mess.
• Chicken & Dumplings in the crock pot. I like C&D and it seems like something my Georgia native kids should know and love, for some reason. Is it a Southern food? I don't actually know. But this recipe was good, flavorful. I didn't add any vegetables because that doesn't seem right. I want my C&D to be a thick, carby white food. We had salad on the side and crusty bread to dip into the soup.
• Pork Carnitas Tacos (crock pot again). Very yummy. I made a lime crema (learned it from Hello Fresh), and served with black beans, shredded cabbage and cilantro. 

A Gentle New Year to You

I had the nicest start to the New Year. I got to spend the entire morning of January 1 with coffee and my two planners, last year's and this year's. I sat on my front porch with a delicious breeze and sunshine, thinking and writing, reviewing December, filling in calendars, and really thoughtfully giving myself some gentle goals (if those pages in a planner are empty, I don't feel like it's ready to be used yet). 

The first page in my book (I'm using one by DayDesigner, found at Target) is titled, "Big Picture:" 

1. Gratitude every day
2. More focused time with Shawn, Alex before he goes to college (!), and Kate
3. Celebrating 2 graduations (!) and Jilly's wedding/reception!
4. Taking Care: of myself and of my family, including mom & dad, Shawn, Alex and Kate

That's it. That's the big picture for 2022, the things that are most important. After 2 flipping years of weirdness, I think I just want to love my people, find things to be thankful for, and take good care of us. 

Of course each of those can be broken down into smaller goals and to-dos. Number four, for instance, includes smaller goals of Movement, Nutrition, and Time Management to take care of myself. But that's as far as I'm going. I didn't write down anything like, "Workout 20 minutes a day" or "Update my 401K by [date]," because we aren't going to invite Failure to just waltz right in! NOPE. The column called "Accomplish By" in my planner has VERBS in it, not deadlines.

I really feel so proud of this gentler approach to the New Year., and happy that I had such a peaceful experience planning it. I'm checking the goals pages every day so far, but I don't think I'm going to obsess over them; its just to remind myself to notice. Do I still have a "wish list" of things I'd like to get done this year? Yes. Get an estimate for new floors. Explore new refrigerators. Paint downstairs bathroom and our bed/bath. Etc. And I reduced the Screen-Time limit on my phone, with hope for better habits. But those are not the goals. The goals are To Be Content, To Experience Joy, To Be Attentive, To Maintain Work-Life Balance and (silently, because I'm hesitant to even whisper its name) To Avoid Stress. 

We'll see how this goes. Perhaps nothing whatsoever will get accomplished but by golly I'll be blissed out about it. At least that's the plan!