You've got a little Reebok in your teeth, there

There is a new woman in my Book Club. Let's call her Betty. I have to tell you something: (stage whisper) I don't care for her. She's very nice, I guess, but I just haven't been able warm up to her At All. She feels very distant to me, very uninterested, and she's just... an outsider. We're a pretty tight group, and I know that my friend S. likes her, or she wouldn't have invited her to join us, but... Well, but nothing, I just don't dig her. My Book Club friends are a group of funny, outgoing, socially adept women with whom to dish and giggle, and also share this time in our lives -- wifehood and motherhood and whatever else we happen think about. Groceries. Health. Movies. Oh yeah, and books. Well, Betty's not a giggler, or a sharer. When she does talk, it's really slowly. She places every. word. deliberately. and matter-of-factly. and without expression. There just isn't any spice to her. I've not seen her laugh. Her 3 kids are older than all of ours, so she kinda hangs on the fringes of our teething/toddlering/baby stories. And besides that, she started her family rather late in her life, making her several years older than the rest of us. Sigh.

I know now why she might be like this. I think she she needs us -- I'm guessing that's why S. includes her. Found out last night that her brother, to whom she was closest in age, died in April. I found this out because I attempted to bring her into our conversation. -- I often try to do this when I think someone in a group isn't being included. (Is it a good habit, or a flaw? Should I just leave shy/quiet people alone? Sometimes I want to be left alone... need to think about this.) -- Anyway, S., J., and I have known each other for nearly 10 years now; we know each others' stories and details and histories. So I, politely, I thought, attempted to steer the conversation Betty's way. We were talking about families: "Betty, do you have any siblings?" And she had to leave the room before she started crying. I felt so bad. I'm sure she's still hurting. Open mouth, insert foot -- but how was I supposed to know that? Of course, I wasn't. But the incident is going to stick with me now. I'll have sympathy for her, yes, but I am going to feel guilty around her and won't let myself forget that I made her cry, and I still won't be able to warm up to her with this standing in my way. A conundrum.