I'm doing better about accepting my "station in life," that is, my status as a full-time working mom. Actually, work's made that a little easier by virtue of the fact we've just launched a new Widget that is pretty cool, and interests me. (Imagine that!) So I haven't had the time or inclination to whine about waaaanting SAHM-hood lately. Today, however, I had a small inkling of it.
Daycare called and said AJ was sick. Poopy diapers, 4 of the kind that leak, in under 4 hours. Fabulous. Knowing my husband is swamped beyond swamped AS USUAL and he can't get away, I started packing up my stuff to go get the little guy. That's no biggie, takin' one for the Team. But the whole way there, you know what I thought about? I stressed about WORK. I mulled over papers and agenda items that didn't get done and my schedule the rest of the week. Isn't there something "off" there? I mean, if my kid is sick, shouldn't I spend the drive fully worried about HIM? Not worried about a client, or a document, or a web site? I don't know, it just struck me as skewed. I know, as a working mom, that my time is divided between the two jobs... it just seems like my mind and heart shouldn't be that divided; they should easily revert back to focus on the Mom-job when there's sickness or emergency involved. I can't quite verbalize what I mean.
On a related note, this morning I heard a country song -- clearly, I listen to all the wrong radio stations -- that made me think about leaving home, and how, when I left for college in 1992, little did I know I'd left "for good." I unintentionally never went back. I have never lived in my hometown, with my family, since then. And that doesn't feel right either. I got an incredible, teary-eyed urge to really, truly give it all up and go back home. Not because of the working-mom thing directly (although it plays a small role since I might be able to work part-time with a lower cost of living down there)... but just because People Should Stick Together. Families. Especially after my uncle's death, it's been on my mind. Home should be HOME. Simple as that.
2 comments:
What a great post! Your sentiments are felt and relived over and over by every mom on the planet. Yes, even by the SAHMs who are irritated when their commitments are interrupted by a sick kiddo. I think not "worrying" about him as much as "work" just shows that you are really comfortable in the mom role and are secure that AJ will live through this, another minor childhood tummy-yuck.
And, while you do listen to all the wrong stations, I totally feel the same about sticking together. Wish it could be so! We could revive the BC club! Only with babies and mortgages...
Hee! The BC club! except I can't afford to live there! lol (((hugging you)))
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