Now we are four.

When we woke you up this morning, whispering, "It's your birthday!" in the dark, you rolled over and with your eyes still closed, said, "I don't ca-are!" It wasn't mean-spirited of you to say that, it was just.... you. It was Chapter Two in the same story from yesterday morning: I came to your bed and said, "KT, it's time to wake up..." and you said, "Don't TELL me what day it is. I already KNOW."

You already know so many things, my little Valentine. My big girl. You know how to read a few words, and you know to drag your finger along the words of a book, but sometimes you don't drag it on the actual words -- or page, even -- that I'm reading. That's okay. We're still learning and you'll know all about reading soon, too.

You already know how to be an artist. You're so into coloring right now - it's all you want to do. In fact, last night, right before bedtime, you wanted to go back downstairs and when I asked why, you said, "I just want to color something." It makes it sound like you are easily pleased.

(Pardon me while I laugh.) You're not easily pleased! You want things just so, your way, and right now -- and you're not afraid to say so. We're doing our very best to help you make good choices, dear girl, but sometimes none of us gets it right. The dramatics of being a four-year-old girl will, I'm sure, be a learning experience for me, particularly, this year, since I was a perfect child, after all. Like I always tell you. Like my mother has always told me about herself as a child. ;) I pray that I'll be able to remain gentle and patient, and know when to give and when to stand firm.

Some things I want to preserve in a snapshot of you, right now:

• you still sometimes say, "Those are mines," plural. We love saying, "mines," too.
• you like me to stir up your yogurt so it's extra smooth (when you deign to eat yogurt). You like your ice cream stirred up, too (just like your Grandmommy).
• your favorite thing is to have a snack (dry cereal or Pop Tarts) on the couch, and your Daddy's least favorite is the crumbs you always leave there.
• you adore your daddy, and generously give him his hugs and cuddles and raise your hand FIRST when he asks, "Who's Daddy's girl?"
• you like to play with your Barbies and Disney princesses, and you're getting better at changing their clothes yourself.
• you still don't really like to have your hair put in a ponytail, but you do wear headbands sometimes, and leave them on all day. You can put them on all by yourself.
• you sing to yourself and make up words, and they typically include, "...for you, for the United States of America, everything is beautiful..."
• you're still our little bossy one. I think you have the best time at school, telling the other kids what to do. I know they love you, though; I can tell that you have lots of friends.
• you're learning ballet. Last week you came home and knew the word, "arabasque," and my heart fluttered a little. (I was also happy to learn, a few months ago, that they still teach "boogie woogie" in ballet.) We can't wait for your first recital in June!
• you adore your brother, and love when he'll let you read with him, or play Ninjago, or watch him play his DS.
• you're stubborn, that's for sure... but also, it turns out, very loving. Last night when I was feeling snuffly and needed to lie down under a blanket, you brought me my Boppy (my own baby blanket that now lives in your room), and carefully put heart stickers on my hands, and we were the special girls.

 Happy fourth Birthday, KT baby! We are going to have so much fun.

Put me in, COACH

Girls, I have a really huge first-world problem. I don't know how to feel about COACH bags!

I mean, viscerally, I love them. They're mostly beautiful, especially the ones that are not trying to be whimsical. They were born in the 1970s, as was I. What's not to love about that? And the one item I do like to buy for myself is purses. I don't have a closet full of shoes like a lot of women, but my DH will confirm, I have drawers full of purses. Some recently from thirty-one, many from Target and Nine West. None from Coach.

On the other hand, now that it's been a million years since I decided I wanted one, EVERY PERSON ON EARTH and at my grocery store seems to have one, and I don't. And now, unfortunately, when I see one I get more ticked off than covetous, which makes me think I don't want one anymore.

How come everyone else has a COACH bag? In this economy?? Do people really pay three hundred ninety eight (!!!!) dollars at Macy's for them, or are they shopping at the cheapy-peepy-discount-Coach-online store, like I'm about to consider doing?

What's the deal? Are they cliche at this point? Would I be cooler if I did, or did NOT have one? Enlighten me, fashionistas. What do you think about Coach and do YOU have one?

Easy Fridays

I have done nearly nothing today, except conduct a couple of phone conversations for an assignment that isn't due until April. I am bascially using up power today in this office, and not much else.

*slight guilt*

But my manager's working at home, it's grey outside and most everyone else is quiet, too.

I went out at lunchtime, got a turkey sandwich and ate it in the lunchroom with a magazine. That's a luxury I rarely allow myself - eating in the lunchroom. Of course, most days it's crowded and loud and not restful to me, but today I guess I picked the right window of time because no one was in there. (I worked out yesterday so today's a day off.) I could have done another errand and then eaten at my desk, but opted out. Downtime at lunch is a good thing.

This evening after an easy dinner of leftovers, DH is helping set up for the pinewood derby tomorrow, AJ's going to a movie night at his karate studio, and KT and I are probably going to go out for ice cream. Then maybe I can convince her to lay in my bed with me and watch a movie, or maybe we can read Paddington Bear.

I am very grateful for days like today.

Brilliant solutions

I always feel a little embarassed after posting a "help me" question like I did yesterday; I have been at this parenting thing for nearly 8 years now, shouldn't I know what to do for toddler tantrums, for Pete's sake?? But maybe the act of putting it out there -- NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO -- was more like a spoken prayer that God or the Universe (as everyone likes to say) could actually answer, and they did -- I was gifted with an idea.

Just a small one, but still: I moved a small, rarely used lamp from the dining room into our kitchen, and put it on a timer for 5:30 am. That way, by the time we get to the kitchen with sleepy eyes at 6:00, there is a nice, soft light already waiting for us and no one will be able to scream "TURN IT OFF, IT'S TOO BRIGHT, MOMMY!" Excellent solution, if I do say so myself, and it even looks like I've put that lamp there for decorative purposes -- I always love "re-decorating" just by moving things around a bit.

KT was all smiles this morning when she saw that lamp and how well it solved her problem.

AJ, on the other hand, decided today for the first time, that HE would whine about the TV being too bright. AYFKM

(And naturally KT decided to balk at the outfit that SHE, HERSELF, chose last night before bedtime, according to the published rules of every parenting "morning rush-hour" article ever written on the Internet. "I DON'T WANT A TURTLENECK ANYMORE, MOMMY!!! UNH!! THESE SHOES DON'T FEEL RIGHT!")

Hahahahahahahaha. I swear: Crapshoot.

Happy Days, Tortilla Chips, Morning Routines

That video I posted and my list of reminders from the previous entry might have made it seem like things were stressful or sad around here, but they haven't been. We have had a lot going on, it's true, but I'm finding a way through it without much emotional impact. Ta-da. Except that of realizing I haven't been listening to any good country music lately, and that is very sad indeed! My friend loaned me 3 Lady Antebellum CDs, so I had an earbuds party at my desk late last week. I immersed myself in their wonderful sound and lyrics, and DID get emotional about how good my life is, how happy I am to have my husband, my kids, etc., ... you know how country music does that? Especially when they throw in a line (and they always do) about "hitting your knees," and especially when that coincides with your baby boy making his First Penance (happily, not scared), and feeling like we are developing a little 'family' vibe at our church and all. Good stuff.

As far as daily stress is concerned, I've learned that if I'm ahead by one day -- as in, doing the homework for Wednesday on Tuesday night -- that is acceptable. And by "homework" I don't mean AJ's homework, which I firmly believe is HIS to do, but my own. My homework includes whatever forms have to be turned in, checks and payments, errands, and workout clothes. I go to the grocery store at 9:30 pm after choir practice when there is a Teacher Appreciation event the next morning. I'd rather be MORE ahead than 8 hours, but if 8 hours cuts, it, then I'm cutting it.

It's all good, is what I'm saying. And KT's birthday presents will get purchased the day before her birthday, if necessary. (Although I do already have plates/napkins/tablecloths and favors, woo hoo!)

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Sunday night we attended the annual Superbowl party with our good friends across town. There were a million tortilla chips at that party, let me tell you. And OPTIONS for said chips: taco dip, sausage-Rotel dip, buffalo dip, and spinach-artichoke. Perhaps we need to coordinate better next year. In fact, I think next year I will bring stuffed mushrooms instead. Not that it wasn't delicous! I enjoyed it plenty! I even enjoyed the game/commercials, when I could hear them. Good grief, I know it's a party, but I wanted to say SHHHHH more than a few times. It was the adults -- the kids were all outside in the 60-degree weather, not being bothersome at all.

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My KT bug, my little sweetheart, is being equal parts delectable and infuriating right now. She colors. She colors CONSTANTLY, and if she isn't coloring, she's asking you to draw her "something pretty" to color. I am doing a very lot of this:

...and I love it. I am a huge fan of coloring and I love seeing her work so hard at it, coloring in all the white spaces, choosing just the right shade for this and that. It's fascinating to watch her.
But when it's bedtime or first thing in the morning, she continues to test my patience in every way possible. I am brainstorming to make some changes, and I will certainly ask her how we should work together to solve, most specifically, the morning tantrums (today she told me "Unh! I don't LIKE you!" and I plainly answered, "You don't have to like me.") -- but I would like to ask you about YOUR morning routine, especially if you have or have ever had, a four-year-old girl (or boy, I'm not picky). Please share if you have particular strategies that are awesome and calm-morning-making. We tend to fight about the fact that the light is too bright, the fact that she doesn't WANT blueberries for her breakfast snack, the injustice that it's her brother's turn to sit in that chair, and the problem of playing with a castle when it is time to get dressed. Just for your reference. Also for your reference, she hardly ever fights with her Daddy about these things. He tends to use a stronger voice with her than I do (because if I do, everything just escalates and includes, "You're scaring me") but otherwise I think we typically use similar tactics. Counting to three, giving choices, etc. Sigh.

I think, about parenthood, it's never quite a smooth boat trip. It's always listing to one side or the other. And I don't do seasick so well.

This.

Absolutely pierced me last night when I heard it for the first time. The video's too much to bear. I suggest closing your eyes and just listening.

Reminders

Print out the school's PDF and highlight books I think AJ will like, on his reading level, so that he will stop saying he "can't find" any Accelerated Reader books in the library, and CHECK OUT A BOOK, for the love.

Work with AJ on his King Penguin shoe-box diorama (kill me), due Wednesdsay.

Ask daycare for a list of KT's classmates; address invitations for her birthday party.

Bring various items to school on various days, for various volunteer and service projects. (So. many. different. projects! I mostly hate Catholic Schools' Week.)

Buy KT some more dresses because she is refusing all pants and t-shirts lately (she wants to "be pretty, Mommy"). I don't have the energy to fight with her on this and I don't mind buying them.

Buy AJ some new uniform sweatpants because they have now become high-waters (regular uniform pants took that road 3 months ago). Thank God that he's growing, and continue praying for it.

Don't skip my running at lunchtime, at least THREE TIMES THIS WEEK, SELF.

Go to the makeup store to see if they have something miraculous for the horrifying depressing dark circles that have recently appeared under my eyes. At 37.5, I guess I'm not surprised.

Figure out what dish to take to the annual Super Bowl party next Sunday. Buffalo dip (fun)?? Or veggies (smart/sad trumpet)?

Also take an adult beverage to that party.

Smile.

Clogged and Clammed Up, but Excited...

Ear status: Still frakking clogged.


No, I am not kidding. The doctor gave me amoxicillin, the weakest of the antibiotics, so I hear (HA), and so far I have experienced zero relief. She said it might take up to 3 weeks. Once in a while if I perform the Valsalva Maneuver (which I did not know had a crazy name! until last week), I can get a nice crackle and pop on the right side, and hear a little better out of that one for 30 minutes. But it doesn't last and isn't worth the possibility of blowing brains out my eyes when I do it, so I don't, very often.

Aren't I lovely? I'm really over this.
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We have exciting news in our family -- BIL and SIL are having a baby! They just announced it officially last night, but we have secretly known for a few weeks and been saying some prayers since they miscarried a few years back. I actually didn't think they would try again, but they did, and she's now at 12 weeks. I'm going to be an AUNT! I thought maybe I never would, officially, although I do have some sweet little cousins-once-removed who have called me Auntie Lee-Lee in the past.

We hung up the phone last night with them, and DH said, "She sounded nervous." OH, do I ever remember that feeling, when you're first starting to tell people! It's SUCH a secret, and if it's your first baby, you've never told anyone a secret like this before. And it's personal besides, letting everyone including your in-laws know what you've been DOING! Shock! So it's uncomfortable in so many ways. I don't blame her for feeling nervous.

Besides all that, SIL never really talks to us on the phone - the brothers talk, but not us girls so much. Maybe I'll have to remedy that and become more attentive to her as she begins to experience motherhood. I've wanted to be close to this SIL -- she doesn't have a sister of her own, only brothers -- but I'm so NOT a phone person anymore, and we don't live in the same city, and she's not really (from what I can tell) an email person -- so that all makes it hard.

We do share quite a bit in common. Both like to read, and cook, both go to sleep early (her, intentionally, me, by accident most nights), both try to workout regularly (she has more success than I do), both quiet, for the most part. I like her very much and I know I'm lucky in that.

But even last night, I felt like my brain clammed up and I didn't quite know what to say. I kept saying, "That is so great, we are so happy for you...." and I truly meant those things, but I couldn't think what else you're supposed to offer at this stage. Is that weird? I didn't want to say the WRONG thing, and of course I asked her how she'd been feeling and her due date, but... isn't that it, at this point? Oh, right, and "are you going to find out if it's a boy or a girl?" I think they volunteered that info (they are). I don't know. I hope I haven't forgotten everything about being pregnant, and that I can think of all the right things to say if she asks me for any advice (which I hope she does). I feel like I HAVE forgotten. (Thank God, right?) I'm going to email her right now and hopefully sound sincere in offering whatever I can do.

An Aunt! And DH an UNCLE!!

I can't hear you

My ears are stuffed with cotton. They have been for 3 days now, so I'm going to the doctor today. I expect she'll pull a Mac truck out of the left side. Last night when I lay down with Kate, my head/left ear was on her fluffy fleece blanket, which obviously muffles sound. When I lifted my head up after about 10 minutes, there was no change in the muffled-ness of my hearing on that side. No change! Sigh. This morning when I woke up it felt like something was sloshing around in that one (braaaaaains?????) but it has since stopped.

I just want to apologize IF I AM YELLING. Because seriously, I cannot hear a damn thing.

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This week I have arrived at the chapter in my Organizational/Productivity book (yes, still reading it), where you zero out your Inbox. I am excited and nervous. I am terrible about keeping every email I get. And I have 4 different Inboxes, total, so that's a lot of useless storage. Has anyone ever done this? I am planning to say, "I'm sorry, all my old emails got deleted, you'll need to resend" if I get into any sort of email-needing-situation.  

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Yesterday I spent a good portion of my lunch hour more time than I should have reading the articles and looking at the pictures NPR posted for their special report, Russia By Rail. I've never been that interested in Russia, its language or its culture, but this report (I heard it on the radio first) was excellent. I feel like I understand the cultural climate there better, and I was surprised how well I can relate to the people's mindset, as reported in this article, anyway. It talks about how the younger generations there (30s, 40s) want to see change in Russia's government and economy, but they're not really ready to fight for that change, or take drastic measure themselves. They'd rather kind-of wait and see what happens. And this is exactly how I have felt about my husbands' and my jobs. Both of us would probably like to sweep everything away and start over in different careers, doing something we love, but neither of us is at all willing to get crazy, which is what it would require to facilitate that kind of big change. So we just kind-of wait. See what happens.

I think I like the Russians.

I can't imagine wearing the fur coats all the damn time, though like the folks in Siberia and Vladivostok (love that word and how it feels to say it!). I'm wearing a turtleneck today and it's already making me a little claustrophobic at 8:04 a.m.

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When KT is bored with something, she says, "bored out." I love this phrase and think all of us should start saying it. "I'm bored out, y'all." No idea where she got that but it's perfect.

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I read on Dr. Google that if you think your child has an ear infection, you should make sure they get plenty of rest and don't exert too much. Naturally that means I haven't run yet this week. Haven't run since last Thursday, in fact. I am super-bummed about it, but I know that in the C25K program, they allow for repeating weeks. Life happens. I think I'd rather get well first, run 6 minutes straight later. I am not quitting.

Twelve-fifteen on the treadmill

It's almost time for me to head downstairs to the treadmill. On Tuesday I did my Couch-to-5K run and a miracle occurred: I ran for five minutes without stopping! I should say, "jogged," because I'm keeping the pace NICE AND SLOW, but people, this is -- truly -- a brief miracle. Five minutes!

I just wanted to TRY the program. I wasn't convinced I could actually do it. And I'm only halfway there, I guess there's still no guarantee I will finish it. But all of a sudden I realized: this form of exercise which I have heretofore abhorred and decried (yes, THAT dramatic), is the only kind of exercise that's given me a feeling of accomplishment, in great measure. When I did the 30-Day Shred I was proud for slogging through it; glad when I could get through Level Three (or heck, even Level One's cardio segments were a killer), but I definitely didn't feel like I wanted to do it any FURTHER. It's just punishment. Miserable. And she yells at you. And thus, after about 25 days or so, I basically stopped.

Plain-old walking, my typical exercise of choice, is perfectly fine, but utterly devoid of the sense of achievement.

But with this, somehow I feel each success -- even with all the yucky sweating and the bad music that the Christian Alternative C25K podcaster-guy chooses (horrible! I really need to download something else) -- and it altogether encourages me. Endorphins for the win! It makes me excited to try again, and see how far I can get. Can I do six minutes? I think maybe by next week I CAN.

I don't know who I am anymore! *back of hand to forehead, wilts to nearby chaise lounge*

(I hope it lasts.)

Grumpy pants (little things)

I have the blahs today. Everyone at my office is annoying, and the work I do is stupid and not inspiring (today), and the people in charge are horrible. In fact today was described to us as a special holiday, office closed... but then the people in charge changed their minds. So I feel like I shouldn't have to be here but I AM.

My throat has been sore basically since Christmas. I don't have other symptoms so I don't feel it's necessary to go to the doctor. But I'm tired of having a sore throat.

The weather's dreary, and I feel fat and unsuccessful at losing a single pound, even though I limited myself to ONE bowl of chili during yesterday's football games when I would have gladly had two, and that doesn't seem fair.

KT fussed at me all morning and cried because of a variety of things, but mostly because she is 3.

I woke up at 3:17 this morning and thought, "Oh, good, I still have 2 hours PLUS left to sleep." But then I couldn't fall back asleep for at least 30 minutes and I just lay there and stewed about how many minutes I was LOSING.

And I have errands to do at my lunch hour, which prevents me from working out at lunchtime, and that pisses me off. I know that a good shot of endorphins would help my mood. I should go for a couple of 10 minute walks, I KNOW, but guess what? I couldn't carry my gym bag (with shoes) this morning because of all the other crap I had to carry. No shoes = no walking because the shoes I did wear are not even very comfortable.

I read yet ANOTHER article about how we should never eat anything processed, ever, because the big farms and commercial food processing plants are EVIL and FILTHY and horrible, and normally I would dismiss reports like that as bullshit, but today I wondered if maybe it isn't true, and I don't WANT to believe any of that so why do the reports keep coming out? (Don't answer.)

I think my mood is actually getting worse as I type, so I'd better sign off. I hate Mondays.

Books for 2012

I want to do more intentional reading this year. I miss my Kindle. I bought The Hunger Games triology in hardback because they were clearly worth having/preserving. Although I finished them in about 3 weeks, that was right before the weekends of Christmas shopping and planning, and then celebrating. I picked up another book during the holidays (21: Bringing Down the House), and it's been good so far but I'm not quite into the thick of it yet. It's in paperback, besides... so, short story long, I haven't been on the Kindle in a long while. Not since Still Alice, I think, which was a great book but many months ago in my life!

So I've been thinking about the books I want to read in 2012. Of course the resolution I didn't write down but did actually think about -- and the one which is likely most important for having a good year -- is to grow closer to God and to nurture my faith. But the task of doing that on my own, just by adding a regular prayer-time to every day...? Probably not very realistic. (Definitely not very realistic.) Then I thought, "HEY, I could read an inspiring BOOK to help accomplish that end! Perfect!" Two birds, one stone, right?

And finally, the third reason is that my dear, darling Book Club has somehow not met for about 4 months now. This is the longest I think we've gone on a break, and yes, our kids are all older and busier now, and we know we'll get together again someday, but I think it's time to send out an email and see what the deal is! And get some book recommendations from that end!

So, here is a list of some books I'd like to read. I'm drawing some of these from the excellent lists I've seen around the blogosphere, like Lag Liv's, and Bessie V's, and Jennifer Fulwiler's! But please, feel free to chime in and suggest others!

The Girl Who Stopped Swimming, Joshilyn Jackson. I have loved her other books and it's wayyyyy past time for me to read this one. The title alone is completely intriguing and it's been in the back of my mind since before it was published.

Sharon Kay Pennman: Here Be Dragons Thank you, RRA and LagLiv! Historical fiction is my absolute favorite and I can't wait to try this author.

Committed, by Elizabeth Gilbert. I think I read Eat, Pray Love in 2011. It was fantastic. I have heard this one's even better.

Love in the Ruins: Walker Percy. This one came from Jennnifer's list of book recommendations from Catholic bloggers, hot off the press!

He Leadeth Me by Walter Ciszek. Jennifer recommends this one a lot and I think it sounds fascinating. Probably for Lent (as she suggests).

Golden Bones by Sichan Siv. The author is married to a high school friend of my Mom's, and this has been on my shelf a while. It's not my usual fare and I will likely need something to separate it from He Leadeth Me, as they're both about wrongfully imprisoned men. Might be a little much for one year but we'll see.

Bossypants, Tina Fey, since everyone else already read it. :)

Maybe something from Jodi Picoult, because it's been a while, and I have liked everything I've read of hers.


What else should I be reading?

2012 Goals

There are a few things on my list this year that I didn't mention. So I don't forget them:

1. Learn how to make real frosting. We made a cake for New Year's Eve and I used Pillsbury's canned chocolate frosting. I'm sorry, Pillsbury, in general I do love you, but I've decided that canned frosting is not worth my $2.49.
2. Have our giant yard sale and clean up the basement.
3. Get my personal business files in order and create The Spreadsheet.
4. Contact a law office and get our wills written.
5. Continue working out and possibly run a 5K. Possibly, I said.
6. Do better with vegetables and my kids. (KT ate - and loved - spinach yesterday though! Cooked spinach!)
7. My photo albums. This will be finished by the end of January, so help me God.
8. Finish replacing all the blinds in our house. (There are a few rooms with old-style, crumbling venetian (metal) blinds, and I hate them.)
9. Paint/redecorate the master bath.
10. Clean all the tile/grout. Three bathrooms, one toothbrush, hands and knees. I haven't done it in a very long time and it shows!!

Ta-da!! The 2011 Year-End Meme, slighly shortened

Oh, I seeee... people are getting weary of the Questionnaire. Think they don't NEED that old antiquated MEME any more, now that the Internet's all grown up and we can do it our own selves. Well. Back in MY day...

You know, I agree. I guess I'm a little tired of the format, too, but how else do we start?

Overall, I would say that 2011 has been a great year -- I can't complain, truly. We did have a broken arm situation, and some financial stuff that was annoying in our immediate vicinity, but other than that no major troubles! Woo hoo!


1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
The aforementioned broken arm was new! I never broke a bone and had no idea how that all works. In fact I had previously worried, as one might when one's never gone into labor before, "How will we KNOW if it's bad enough to go to the hospital?" Now I know. I also helped throw a surprise 70th birthday party for my Dad -- never done that before. :) I took the week of Spring Break off work to spend with AJ. I want to do that every year now!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year I was feeling smug and forlorn at the same time, and so I made very simple resolutions which I mostly kept. I said then, flossing more than 'hardly ever' will be EASY. Heh. I did floss a little bit more than the previous year, so I WIN. I ate a bit more yogurt in 2011, yes, but I still don't love it. Eh. Who really cares. And my 2 dinner parties, I think, happened. One of them was very early in the year, and the other was Christmas dinner which barely counts, since it was hosting my parents... but I say Win.
Funnily enough, although I REFUSED to make a health-kick "Resolution" last year, I did do better overall in 2011 than ever before. I know I have mentioned that I signed up for Sparkpeople.com, and it did help me in many ways, stick to my routine. I was quite faithful February through May, then the hot months came along and it was harder, but I used the treadmill and didn't really backslide until September/October/November. I started the Couch to 5K in the end of November and I'm still trying to do that. So perhaps the answer is DON'T RESOLVE, JUST DO.

(Good grief, this is just the 2nd question! I may skip several of them.)
No one close to me gave birth, or died, and I visited no countries.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I always say "Lottery winnings" but I will also include Solid Nights' Sleep more often than not. This year was a tough sleep year.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
This sounds ridiculous, but Feb 21st is my "Sparkiversary" (haha, embarrassed glancing as I use nerdy insider terminology) and I'm trying to have made some real progress/success by 2/21/12;
June 10 - the weekend of, because we were all together with my parents and sister/brother-in-law, and that rarely happens;
Sept. 11 -- the 10th anniversary was quite a Thing, wasn't it? Our community did a big display of 3,500 US flags in a huge park, and it was breathtaking. We drove by it every day for a week.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I hate to say this but there was a work project that took a huge majority of my time, but it was/is successful and made me look good to my peers. I am proud of it, although I wasn't the only one on the committee. I also have to cite our PAINTING project at home, because it was so long in the making and changed the look of that room so pleasantly/dramatically.

9. What was your biggest failure?
This doesn't keep me up at night, but we did fail to save as much money as we would have liked this year, and also failed to get our wills written. That is going to be a HUGE goal for 2012 -- the wills, I mean. We've been meaning to do it for (gulp) 7 years at least, since AJ was born.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Boring question, and no.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
We bought DH a new car in January, and it's been so good for him to drive something cool and not my old beat-up '97 Corolla. I think he feels like a real man again. Ha. We also bought a new refrigerator (awesome), a new water heater (unexpected) and a new water main line (lame)! So I've now answered the next question.
12. Where did most of your money go?

13. What did you get really excited about?
Seeing Guys and Dolls in August. I love the theater and especially that show. We were so excited to watch AJ's car win the Pinewood Derby in February! And I was on pins and needles when my sister came in THIRD in her first triathlon of the year! We were watching her times online and it was almost as exciting as being there! So awesome. I got really excited/emotional about that, for sure.

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
The soundtrack of "Tangled,"which is great, and the Good Luck Charlie theme song, which is not that great. KT plays those two shows on Forever Repeat every chance she gets.

15. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or Sadder: Happier. I think the kids are getting to the age where DH and I are getting some of our old life back. I mean, a little bit... As much as you can when one of them's still under 5... but still. It's something.
Thinner or Fatter: Same I think.
Richer or Poorer: Poorer, probably. Cost of groceries really seems to be increasing significantly. Or is that just me?
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Fun activities with the kids. Taking more pictures and videos. (I might have to do the "One photo a day" thing this year. Days off just for me (I did take one, and it was HEAVENLY.)

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Gawd, bulk shopping at Costco. I was conned into my volunteer job for the school and I will NOT be doing it again next school year.
19. What was your favorite TV program?I fell in love with Parks and Rec this year. Especially the theme song.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
I didn't read too many, but The Hunger Games series wins, hands-down.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
I'm certain I don't listen to any current music.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
No idea. We loved Inception (was that new in 2011?), The Help, The King's Speech (2011?) Deathly Hallows 2 (2011?)... I can't remember any others.

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
Sometimes you're just going to have to sweat a little.
Cookies are allowed, you're not a bad person for eating them.
Musicals make me happy.
Keep putting money in the savings account because you never know.

And now for a dash of...

Last night I was making banana bread. This is something I do frequently, and I learned as I worked that my Darling Husband sometimes leaves the last 2 bananas hanging on the banana-hanger ON PURPOSE, so that I'll make it! Ha! Sneaky of you, Mister el-e-e!

My mom was sitting at the kitchen table while I measured and mixed, and my dad came up behind me right when I needed the vanilla extract. I said, "Let me just get the vah-neee-yuh..." to him, and Mom cracked up. Evidently that is the very same way she always says "vanilla" (french pronunciation, of course) when she is baking. I never even knew I did that, but we laughed and laughed over shared genes and funny habits.

I love moments like that. Like when my sister and I respond to something with the same phrase, at the same time, with the exact same tone and inflection.

First a snotty comment, and then a Christmas recap

Dudes: There is a woman in my office wearing a JINGLE BELL NECKLACE and jingling her way around the halls this week. It is driving me absolutely BATTY. The fact that I'm IN the office this week is bad enough (never mind that I had all of last week off) -- well, the fact that OTHER PEOPLE are here, too -- I was hoping, at least, for silence and productive work-time. I am not getting the silence part of the deal. !!!ARRRGH. Jingle jingle jingle!!!  

-------
Whoosh, and it's over. That's the main reason I wish the commercial world didn't spend so much time, starting the very moment the Thanksgiving turkey is packed in its Ziploc bags, counting down until Christmas. It's definitely out of balance with the ONE DAY that is Christmas, itself.

Don't get me wrong, Christmas Day was wonderful. And... well, back up: December 23rd was lovely before that. First, Mom, KT and I shopped for one additional set of gifts, just us girls out on the town looking at cheap jewelry. What fun! We met the boys for lunch that day at my favorite Mexican place which could only have been better with margaritas -- but I didn't want to get too sleepy/useless before 1:00 pm! That night we celebrated with a nice, lonnnnng dinner party at my cousin's home. Plenty of wine, good stories, good music, Brie and crackers (what could be better than that??) and lots of little 2nd cousins running around in the basement, playing happily together. THAT felt like Christmas. Don't you just crave holiday time spent with family like that? Even if it's a hassle, or lasts a little too far into the night. It's just part of the holiday and if we don't have it, I don't feel quite right.

December 24th we made our dressing to get ahead for Christmas Day dinner, and baked some more cookies, as we had somehow run out already! (How, I wonder...?) I can't remember the other details -- except I did take a NAP, in my BED (heaven!) -- but I know by 9:00 p.m. we were watching Christmas Vacation (the kids, too), and I was getting dressed to go to Midmight Mass and the choral extravaganzaaaa! Just kidding. It wasn't extravagant. The choral prelude to Midnight Mass was good... I do hope we moved someone's heart who might have been looking for a little spiritual, musical uplift. We didn't have to sing any schlock like we did last year (choral version of an Amy Grant song, gag, and I love A.G., just not like that), so I was pleased. By the end of the night... er, morning... I had nearly lost my voice, which might indicate to you that I sing incorrectly on my chords, rather than in the focal place in my head... but that is not true. And by the way, why is it that I always seem to get sick on Christmas Eve?? I am so over that and may tell Santa next year that is my one and only wish.

Anyway, FINALLY, let me tell you about Christmas Day being wonderful: We were awoken with the PERFECT excited whispering of a 3-year-old: "MOMMY! WAKE UP!! SANTA CAME!!!" I hope I never forget it. She had an exclamation point in her throat! The kids were so good and patient, waiting for all of us SLOW adults to get our pants on and go to the potty before stumbling down the stairs together. They loved their gifts. We unwrapped in a frenzy. We got the big garbage bag out to keep the mess to a minimum. We had ham and egg casserole and apple muffins for breakfast. Then we went to a not-crowded 10:45 am Mass together, I really DID lose my voice before the last hymn, and we spent the rest of the day putting together the perfect meal, in perfectly timed choreography (somehow!) -- and I just loved it all, even the hand-washing and drying of the Lenox Holiday plates afterwards.

(Here's what we ate: Cajun-fried turkey, sausage dressing, cranberry jelly, sweet potato casserole, these biscuits from Pinterest!, and steamed broccoli with red peppers. We had White Zin to drink and the kids had applesauce on the side because I wanted to be sure they ate something. (Darn kids don't even like sweet potato casserole w/marshmallows?!) For dessert a couple of hours later, we had Cherries Jubiliee over coffee ice cream... or just ice cream for those who don't DO cherries. I also had two STRONG hot toddies that my Dad made me, and they CURED my throat, by golly! I love hearing other people's holiday menus - what did you have?)

We have played and played. So far the favorites have been AJ's Lego sets and Megazords, KT's Lite Brite, and her new Rapunzel dolls and Barbie clothes. She and I have spent lots of time doing fashion shows, spread out on the new sleeping bag in the living room, changing Barbies' clothes and combing and combing and combing Rapunzel's hair.

Just what I wanted

December 21st was my day with the kids, just us. I actually asked my parents not to come until Thursday (today), so I could have a day together. Selfish? Maybe. But I loved it, and the kids were GOOD, and we had a great time. Here's what we did:

• Leisurely breakfast/Christmas cartoons (Dora, unfortunately, which we're also watching again today)
• Colored wooden Christmas ornaments with markers. And listened to Christmas music, OBVS. We could have done this with paint, but washable Crayola markers satisfied AJ and KT just FINE, so why stress myself out?!
• Went out to get AJ's hair cut
• Came home for lunch, ate it and cleaned up, then
• Made Reindeer Sugar cookies with M&M noses and pretzel antlers -- so fun!
• Watched The Polar Express again; it has been the movie of the year at our house, and the other day I learned AJ wants the book for Xmas... Well guess what? Santa already thought of that! Feeling smug.
• played I guess...and I started hand-washing my crystal wine glasses, which is one of my favorite things to do. I know at one point AJ got bored, and I suggested activity books or reading, to which he probably rolled his eyes, but finally it was time to go to his jiu jitsu class.

Then we came home and had dinner (DH was home) and ...the end. There was no fighting, and very little whining, and I wasn't restless, either. It was so nice to be with my sweeties and enjoy some of the magic and quiet and fun of the days before The Big Day.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Pre-planning for Christmas 2011

Yesterday I went to the mall to get the last of our presents and search out Christmas Mass outfits for the kids. I found great deals at a department store and came home feeling very satisfied. Then I got to wrap presents out in the open, in a large space (as opposed to the corner of the floor after the kids' bedtime, that has somehow been my uncomfortable SOP this season). I did my C25K run, in 63-degree sunshine. I did dishes. I checked the basement stash to make sure Santa is treating each kid evenly this year (he is, pretty amazingly). After the kids went to bed I made Swistle's Mint-Chocolate cookies, as has become my tradition (thank you, Swistle!), for their teachers' gifts.

I was on my feet all day but it was good.

Today I have cleaned the kitchen even though it's not nearly the end of the Christmas production cycle, made a special, traditional snack to surprise my parents with, when they arrive Thursday, and planned my dinner menu. I listened to Christmas music -- Sugarland's Gold and Green album, which I didn't realize is SO GOOD! I love you, Kristian Bush; and Harry Connick Jr, of course -- and talked to my parents on the phone. Hope we haven't used up all the topics so we have plenty to chat about when they get here!

I'm headed out in a little while to get a haircut, take some things to the cleaners (I hope they'll be done before Thursday or Friday), and drop off a wayward toy to Toys for Tots. Apparently they're low on the turnout this year so I feel good about donating it, even thought it was a duplicate for which I could get back my $35... but some boy somewhere will enjoy it.

The kids are at school today. One of them is having his class party, and the other will miss hers, but I think she's still young enough that she won't notice or care. I miss them, but I'm SO glad I've had this time to get our house, and myself, ready for the wonderful week ahead. I love Christmas, and I love having it at my house. (When I'm not feeling stressed about having it at my house, that is.) I'm not stressed at this moment.

I'm grateful, and happy. The stockings are hung. The Santa picture is framed (our first year with both kids unafraid of him). I think I'm about ready.

Sinking Spell

The 3:00 sinking spell comes at 1:00 on my early days. (For those of you just joining us, those are the days I get to my office at 6:30 in the ay-em.) And so, at the moment I am yawning and hoping that this cold bottle of water will help jolt me back to Alert... but I'm very aware that this is a high hope. What I could really use is an iced latte.

As a general rule I am NOT on board with the iced drinks at S'bux -- at least not in the morning. If I see the arm of the barista shoot out the drive-thru window toward the car in front of me, during the morning commute/pit stop, and if that arm is holding something frothy with a straw in a CLEAR cup, I get very eye-roll-y. I don't believe that's legitimate "morning coffee."

But during an afternoon shopping trip? Or after school? Or during a sinking spell? Yes, please. It  Especially in the South, where it's too hot for hot coffee, anyway. It harkens those days I mentioned to my high school friend on FB, when Barnie's at the mall was the only coffee option -- they were cool before coffee was cool ubiquitous. Anyway, I am thinking that perhaps AJ and I will make a stop at the local caffeinating hole this very day, after carpool. He likes their cake pops.

I will also need the boost tonight, because I am planning a 9:00 pm gift-buying trip to Target, which is open until midnight in my location, woot woot! I think it will wrap everything up (har har!) that I need for the kiddos, and most of my other relatives, as well. (Everytime I mention Target by name, I think about the very first time I ever went to one, in Dallas, I believe, to buy either a trash can or a new kitty litter box with my Mom. It must have been when we were in transit, moving to Florida, and spending the night with my grandparents in Dallas. No idea why I remember this, ever so vaguely; I don't even remember last week.)

Positive Mental Attitude...

I haven't gotten stressed out about the holidays... yet. I've felt like I have enough time. I have 8 lunch-hours left, and I work close to a Target, an Old Navy, a Costco, a Toys R Us, a post office, a UPS Store, and a mall! I should be able to get things done, right?

But then I remembered planning the MEAL. And the days leading up to it! Oh, hey, I am hosting Christmas! It's JUST my parents and us, no big deal... but it IS a big deal because I want there to be nice meals (or at least put-together meals and not KFC takeout!), and memmmmories. Then I remembered teacher gifts for KT's teachers (what are their names, again?). I need to get my baking started and give those gifts out EARLY -- to neighbors, coworkers, etc.

Still, I don't want to feel the stress. I banish it! Away, stress! So I'm trying my best to workout. I started the Couch to 5K program and I completed Week 1. I did my first run for Week 2 today. It's going really well and man, does exercise ever help in keeping mental stress at bay! It really does, I've been amazed by that. (Biology/chemistry... it works!) I was all sweaty and winded an hour ago after running (haha, I mistyped "funning!"), but I felt GREAT! Happy! I might even say Awesome!

PLUS, I have two full days all to myself on the 19th and 20th, before the kids (AJ) is off for vacation or my guests arrive, and I am so thrilled about those two days! I will make them extra productive. (And I will workout during them, too!) Positive, positive, positive.

The one sad situation is that I canNOT find a babysitter for December the tenth. My DH's company is having a small holiday soiree at a friend's home -- a friend I used to also work with daily, and dearly love -- and there is also a party for Le Choir that night, so it'd be really super nice to be able to go to both of those events. Even though I have nothing to wear (well, I have a dress but no BOOTS). Sad state of affairs. See, most of my church friends with teenage daughters -- backup babysitters when the main one is unavailable -- are from Le Choir, and so they and possibly their teens will be at the choir party -- or babysitting their siblings. I have about one other person I could ask. And I shall.

Anyway, yesterday I got a good chunk of Santa stuff finished, TONIGHT I am ordering my cards, and all will be well. All will be well.

Playing Santa, KT edition

(these posts are really for posterity, I know they're kinda boring.)

KT's wish list includes:

"Big Rapunzel doll"
"Mommy's Baby," she calls it, and AJ clarifies she means "My Very Real Baby." After looking it up, I'm torn because she already has a doll that looks very similar to this one, and the thing costs $70! I'm thinking no.
"Rapunzel Castle with all the princesses."

I love 3-year-olds.

I had planned these things for her:

*Tangled Reusable Sticker Book
*Tangled Soundtrack CD
*Tangled playset (Rapunzel, Flynn, horse)
*Tangled/Rapunzel Barbie
Sleeping bag -- she's been using AJ's Spiderman one all this time and she likes Spiderman, but I thought it'd be nice for her to have one of her very own
Necklace (not expensive, but "real" jewelry)
Doll cradle
Amelia Bedelia books? -- there is a series of "younger" Amelia Bedelia books now (since she's still just a little too young to get the jokes in the original books)
Hair bows/headbands
Barbie clothes
Rapunzel princess (dress-up) dress
"Big Rapunzel" doll

*already purchased
 
For her stocking, I got her a "shimmer" lotion at Bath & Body Works, and I think I'm going to stick a bottle of "No More Tangles" in there, too. Heh. More for me than for her! What else? Besides gum, of course - I have to give my KT some gum!
 
It's so much fun to play Santa! Except that Santa better get ON IT; He has a lot left to do! I might try to go to TRU today at lunchtime.

Off-topic

Edited to remove some stuff... my blog could be so much more interesting if I weren't afraid of the wrong people finding it.

A task of comparing the Christmas list *I* had made for 7yo AJ, with the list he, himself, wrote out for Santa last week:

MY LIST
*Thundercats Action Figures (Tygra, WilyKit, Panthro, Cheetara, Lino-O, Mumra) 4"
*Thundercats Thunder Tank
*Captain Underpants book series
*new (Shaun White) wallet
Sleeping bag
Camera?
Lemonade Mouth CD?
Claw megazord
Pokemon binder
Mindflex Duel game
(he's mentioned a couple of DS games but I can't remember which ones now)

For both:
A puzzle to share (maybe a 100-piece? To work on as a family or something?)
Ice cream maker (for the family?)

*are already purchased

HIS LIST
Nintendo 3DS (he is not getting this no matter how much he begs)
Pokemon Rumble Blast game for the the 3DS (or maybe the regular DS? Which he has?)
Power Rangers Samruai Claw magazord (WOO! A match!!)
Pokemon Trading Card Game: Victini box (what?)
Kirby: Return to Dream Land (for the Wii)
Kirby: Mass attack for the DS
MarioKart 7 for the 3DS
Radakai: Championship Tin (seriously, MORE trading cards??)
Pokemon: Unova Region Playset
Pokemon: Catch, Launch, Battle (no idea what this means)
Yahtzee Flash game

So. Sort of a bummer that we already BOUGHT all the Thundercats action figures. We went through a family surge of watching the new version of that cartoon on Friday nights back in August. And then in October, his interest disappeared into the ether and the DVR'd episodes sit there in our list of recordings, uselss.

Some of the things I've got on my list can easily be stocking stuffers (the CD, the wallet). I still think I want to get him the (non-character) sleeping bag and the camera. Those are things I suspect will be enjoyed and appreciated long-term. And the trading card tins aren't expensive. But I don't know; they don't seem that exciting, to come from SANTA. Do they? Then again, I'm not a 7yo boy. But man, if I add that wish list up, it's more than Santa's elves make in tips, I can tell you that. ;)

And, haha, aren't I quaint (delusional), thinking a 100-pice PUZZLE would be fun for everyone?

Thanksgiving recap

Thanksgiving seems like three weeks ago already, doesn't it? The Target commercial they're playing, where the couple waves goodbye to their friends saying, "The turkey was wonderful, as always!" and then they close the door and immediately turn around into their house, which is fully decked out for Christmas...? Have you seen that one? It's perfect, right? I feel like that's exactly what has happened. There was no transition. Just, BOOM, Christmas.

We're deep in it -- we're looking for our Elf on the Shelf every morning, the tree is up, and I've been to Michael's twice already. Doesn't get a whole lot more Christmas-y than that.

Anyway, let me tell you about our Thanksgiving, because it was really nice. We went to DH's parents' house in Savannah, and had dinner at 1:30! One! I never knew the position of the clock could make such a difference, but I'm here to tell you IT CAN. I think the one o'clock hour is the perfect time, actually. At 1:30, the parade had just finished. I hadn't had time to think "Gosh, I'm hungry," yet. I hadn't had time to wish there was a cheese ball and some Wheat Thins out on the table (or to stuff myself with them before dinner even started). I had had a Coke Zero to tide me over. The kids were playing nicely. My BIL and SIL arrived. At 1:30, it was lunchtime. A logical time to eat.

We finished around 2:30 I guess, did the dishes, and had time to chill out for a bit. At 4:00 I was ready for my pie (apple, a la mode). Then at 6:30 it was the perfect time for a turkey sandwich! Ta-da! See how that worked out?

On Friday, we took off to the beach! One thing we never take advantage of in Savannah is the fact that it's on the coast. We're usually not there long enough to make a day of it with swimsuits and buckets and the whole ordeal. But this time, since it wasn't swimming weather anyway, I just wanted to go out there and SEE it. There's a huge public pier, where the kids RAN all the way to the end, chasing pigeons and seagulls (just like in the movies). Then there's the flat sand of the beach, stretching for days. We collected handfuls of (broken) seashells, perfect in the kids' eyes, and AJ even pulled up his pants legs to wade in the Atlantic. KT wanted to "dig for pirate treasure." I can't resist sharing a photo. I loved breathing in the salty air, and I'm just not sure there's anything more restorative than a sunny day near the water, you know? It seemed to bring out the best in all of us. Especially afterwards, when we stopped at a little hamburger dive for a cheap lunch on their patio, complete with giant chocolate ice cream cones. I really feel like we made happy memories that day.

On Saturday, we set out on our own without the grandparents, who had some other tasks to attend to. I hated to miss out on time with them, but I was also happy to have a little time just to ourselves. Historic Downtown, of course, is where all the tourist action is, so we forked over a lot of cash to ride on a horse-drawn carriage through brick-lined streets and statues. I remember visiting lots of museums and historic sites when I was a kid -- in Austin, Natchez, Vicksburg, New Orleans, New Mexico, old Mexico! and Springfield, IL, among others -- and I think our kids are old enough now to get the educational benefit from that kind of thing. It was awesome. AJ sat up front with the driver and felt all special. KT managed to stop talking (mostly) and let the tour guide tell her dumb jokes. And we had lunch afterwards. (I am pretty sure the key to my personal enjoyment is scheduling these things right around 11, so we can have lunch after. Clearly, french fries are important to me deep down in my heart.)

We drove home Saturday night, after dinner. (Leftovers for the win!) That somehow felt special, too. A last hurrah, or something. The hectic pace of packing up. The kids running from BIL who tickled them without ceasing. (Something which I could seriously complain about... but... whatever. They seem to enjoy it. To the point of SCREAMING a lot. Sigh.) And we were so glad to skip dumb metro traffic on Sunday.

All in all, I'd say it was a near-perfect holiday.

Turnaround

I started today in such a Bad Mood. Once again, I was awakened in the dead of night (4:00 am) by a little girl who needed comfort, or someone to talk to, or just to be reminded that all was okay. I was not very gracious about this, though at first I really did try to be. She is suffering a bit of a cold, and was swampy with coughing and sniffles. I could tell she was hot (she insists on wearing fleece jammies even though it’s been an unseasonable 74 degrees most days lately) and I worried it was an actual fever. So some children’s Tylenol was dispensed, we both made trips to the potty, and I hoped for another 2 good hours of rest for us both.

It was not to be. I got more and more mad as the minutes ticked by. The whispering, “Is it six-oh-oh yet?” questions, the light going on in her bedroom, the panting I could hear her doing next to my face as she watched to see if I was awake yet, the four-times getting her covers messed up and needing me to fix them, tissues, water, and then the dog, too, licking the carpet incessantly which I cannot stand, even in the light of day. I threw back my own covers several times, DH did the same and threatened through clenched teeth to deposit someone back in her OWN ROOM by the time he got to THREE… it just wasn’t a pretty way to start the day.

Naturally she fell back to sleep at 5:55 a.m. I hated to wake her then, but will admit to having at least one vengeful feeling about it.

I spent the morning stewing. Not about KT, but about other things. Stress about impending holidays. Things I don’t like about my job. Coworkers who Won’t. Shut. Up. in the 8:00 hour when I’m still trying to ease into things and have my coffee. I worked myself right into a little hissy fit, in my mind. (Tired, perhaps?)

And then I went to KT’s school for the class Thanksgiving feast.

It wasn’t even that special, to be honest. The teachers must be tired this time of year, because they weren’t chipper or very welcoming at all. The 4 of us parents who made it sort-of wandered around while the kids played, and we waited for the food to be ready. There were no construction-paper pilgrim hats or Indian feathers, no singing of any songs or reciting of any Gobble-Gobble poetry. (Come on, school! Are you kidding me?) But the happiness on my little one’s face, watching me watch her with her friends, was so palpable. She was proud to show me her table, willing to eat her food, and appropriately taken aback when I asked her if could I please stay and take a nap with her, on her mat?! (“You are too big for my mat, Mommy, that’s silly!”)

Such a simple thing. It wasn’t a forced counting of blessings, even – we didn’t give thanks for the meal – but I came back to my office wanting to make a better effort at not being so angry. What was it? Getting to play with kids for 30 minutes, unhindered by time constraints or my own agenda? Sitting on a miniature red chair? Maybe the challenge of talking with three-year-olds whose language is different from my own daughter's was a brain exercise that cleared away all the other gunk? Or, just seeing someone I love dearly, in the middle of the day? Being reminded of how fast it all goes by?

I’m unsure. But pretty darn grateful.

And then, other times...

I tuck her in at night, and we spend 5 full mintues saying "I love you" back and forth, and when I leave she tells me again, and that she hopes I "have good sleep, Mommy."

...and we wake up and she's all kisses and cuddles and the very best, most wonderful parts of three-and-a-half.

Just so you know.

Fighting nature

This is not going to be a guilt-filled post about how terrible I feel for trying to discipline my 3.5-year-old. This age can be willful and disrespectful, and I have been trying to remember that it's just a phase. Overwhelmingly, I think, "I love that little girl SO MUCH." But right now living with her is just so exhausting. I can't think straight when she blatantly tells me "No" for the forty-fifth time, or kicks me or throws things or screams in my face. I have no creativity reserves at the crack of dawn, nor at the end of a long day, and no ideas on how to solve these problems in meaningful ways. I try to give choices and consequences. I resort to time-outs (which don't actually work, imho), or taking privileges away, which only makes her scream more loudly. I can send her to her room, but she either refuses and tantrums, or just comes back out. I distinctly remember not having any solution for that problem the first time around. Her Daddy sometimes has good luck removing her from the situation,calming her down and talking her through it, but those tactics don't seem to work for me.

Last night she was particularly awful to me, and I just honestly didn't want to be with her.

I think of all the moms and dads in the world a lot, lately, and how we all have to fight battles like these. I pray for them sometimes, people I don't know, especially the moms, and their independence-testing little ones. This job can be so, so hard.

I'm okay. And she's okay. I'm not sad today or feeling despicable. But I am tired of the fighting. I really can't wait for the hard parts to pass, and I can only hope that some of the love and attempted calm is getting through to her.

Checkbook... Games

I did need to vent my frustrations last week, but I have since taken down the post about money. No need to dwell on the gory details, nor share them with the world. Plus, while Doing the Bills last night I got especially reflective and grateful. Every little penny that I was sending out convincted me, whether it was going to pay for the luxury of on-demand hot water, or the fun of 3-year-old ballet lessons, or the blessing of someone to come and take our garbage away every Friday. Even writing checks for medical expenses made me feel full with everything I need.


How does your household handle the bills? Does one person own the task or do you share it? We try to switch off, so that one person handles them one month, and then it's the other's turn. We pay most things online through our bank, but still write a check here or there and -- get this -- still keep a paper check register along WITH our Quicken file. I guess it makes us feel in control? Or gives us a backup in case of a computer apocalypse? It's a pain, really, but I can't imagine not keeping it. (My greatest challenge is to keep my handwriting neat enough that it can be read!) We both "turn in" our daily debit receipts to the central billing location, and then once a week the person who's managing bills that month sits down to enter everything in, and pay what's due. I think it's a good system because neither of us is in the dark, but I'm interested in hearing how other families do it. Last night I told myself I could have a glass of wine ONLY when I sat down at the computer. It worked. :)


In related news, do you think our generation will even get to retire? I have serious doubts.


Okay, moving on: The Hunger Games, people. Requisite disclaimer: I'm the last person on earth. But I can't believe how fast I read this book, and how the characters have infiltrated my mind. I find myself thinking "Katniss Everdeen" all the time -- just her name. It's so pretty, surprisingly so. All the names, really, intrigue me. And I picture her shooting something with her bow and arrow, and think of little Rue and how I imgined her... then yesterday Twitter was talking about the movie trailer, so I had to go watch it, and WOW. The mood is exactly how I've been feeling. Despondent, kind-of, that such Games could possibly exist (even just in the author's mind) and that the Capitol could DARE to wish those poor kids favorable odds. But utterly fascinated at the idea of Panem. It is CRAZY. I bought Catching Fire immediately.

She even stayed in it, the first night...

We checked a few things off our list, including this one:

Most important, I approve of the mattress' comfort level. Since I'll end up sleeping in it frequently, I bet. ;) I've done no decorating around it, but as soon as I get an idea, I'll let you know. 

The Rapunzel sheets/comforter set, I have to admit, is pretty cute.

Justifiable

I really was/am sick! It's weird how GOOD that makes me feel -- like all my "being so tired" and "not wanting to DO anything" and "just feeling cruddy" don't actually need the quotation marks, they were real, and I AM ALLOWED. The doctor said so! She gave me 3 prescriptions to prove it. I am hopeful that after the past 10 days of this, we will be on the uptick soon! I already feel better today after one dose, but not completely better, which, again, makes me feel good and JUSTIFIED.

Here are some things I need to buy this weekend. I have been putting them off for various reasons, but we're about to reach the tipping point on some of them.

• KT's new bed. Still.
• New uniforms for my high-waters-wearin' AJ (hooray, he's growing!).
• Haircuts for both kids.
• Bulk food for my school-volunteer postion at Costco. Have I explained this? I was basically handed this job, and told that it would be SO EASY. Every 2 weeks, I go to Costco to buy 360 snack-packs of Oreos, 480 string cheeses (an entire case from the refigerated section), and plates/napkins/bowls/lunchbags for the school cafeteria. (It's not a working cafeteria, but the parents bring in food 3 days a week from various local eateries, which the kids can purchase). It's an interesting exercise, pushing around a big, orange pallet instead of a grocery cart, and I never fail to get comments as I go by with my 30 boxes of Oreos. People seem to forget that Costco is made for BULK purchases, it is not just your general supermarket. I'm trying to come up with clever retorts for "Whoa, that's a lot of Oreos!"
• Yeah, just trying to prevent people like you from getting too much trans-fat.
• We make a lot of "dirt cakes" at our house; I'm headed for the gummy worms aisle, next.
• This isn't a lot. You should see my storage facility back at the commune.
• Ever heard of hoarding, mister?? It's a disease, you should probably pray for me.

My manager just stared at my screen for 5 full minutes

... we were in a different browser Tab, but this one was up, with its "BLOGGER: hello, self!" title glaring at us. So oh well, she probably knows where to find me now. Not that I mind -- hello, $h@n (just in case)! I've told her I keep a blog, but I've never actually handed her the URL.

Happy Friday, people! It's been an "off" week, with Halloween on Monday night, hasn't it? Or was that just me? I don't know, I've felt like I'm tripping over my feet every day, not really remembering AJ's homework assignments and which days they're due, not having my usual lunchtime errands for birthday parties or volunteer-school-activities, and being out Monday night made the rest of the 4 days seem unplanned. Or something. I've also been s...l...o...w...l...y getting sick, which has been ANNOYING. Monday night after the candy madness, I got a really weird case of the shivers. I did hang out in the 50-degree temperatures for 2 hours-ish passing out candy and trick or treating, but the shivers happened after we came in and I'd been under my blankie for another hour. When we went upstairs to bed, I got the shakes and could. not. stop. It made brushing my teeth difficult. My lips looked gray/blue in the mirror. After DH did his best to hug them out of me, I bundled up and got into bed, slept well and very warm. The same thing happened on Tuesday night, but not quite so dramatically; I was just cold. Wednesday I felt mostly better. Thursday (yesterday) I had a headache. And last night and this morning, my throat has been sporting that tell-tale, pinpoint place of sore, where it hurts to swallow. I'd rather just have an all-out SICK DAY and call it done. This dragggggging on is driving me crazy (mostly because I'm not sick enough to just REST, I still have to DO STUFF)!

Bleh. It SURE makes for an interesting blog post, doesn't it?! Don't answer that.

When I went shopping with KT a few weeks ago, I let her/us buy a little bag of peach gummy rings as a treat. You know, they're made by the Jelly Belly company, and are orange and white with a sugar coating? They're so delicious and artificial-peachy. I haven't been able to get the taste out of my mind since then. They KEEP popping up in my memory! I wouldn't say they're my favorite candy, either -- just one that made a particular impression on me that day, I guess. My FAVORITE fruity candy is probably Jolly Ranchers, which I rarely buy, followed by original Skittles and Charms Blow-Pops. At work, we recently discovered some hard candies by Crystal Light, so they're sugar-free. I approve of those, too. It's fun having different kinds of candy in the house this week, I have to say -- normally we only keep M&Ms on-hand (old habit from the potty-training days, I guess, and for emergency chocolate needs). But the candy buckets are disappearing after this weekend.

I finally read The Namesake by Jumpha Lahiri, that Sherry lent me about THREE years ago. (I'm done now, Sherry!) It was quite good. I enjoy books where the main characters grow from children into adults, and this book did that in such a way it made me think about my own life cycle, and that death is part of that, and it's okay, and life goes on, and all those deep things. It's about a family of American immigrants from India and of course the colorful culture made it that much more interesting, but I think the story was really about family relationships and the timespan was exactly my lifespan (so far) -- I had the feeling that the main character was 37, just like me, at the end of the book -- and I liked that. I also enjoyed that it had a lot to do with his name, and his nickname, because I think that's such an important aspect of people's identities. Apparently it's even moreso in Indian families. The only other feeling I had of the book was that it was slightly sad, or maybe just grey. I think this was the main character's mood the majority of the book, actually. So if you need a lift, this may not be the book for you, but if you want something interesting and life-mirroring, then I recommend it.

It's hard to review books, isn't it? I know Swistle always says, "I liked it, but I didn't like it, and I recommend it, but I also DON'T." I'm feeling that very same thing right now. Next on my list is THE HUNGER GAMES, hooray!! Perhaps I'll recover from this stupid cold this weekend, in my bed, reading.

Prescription filled

I did it. I took the day off yesterday. It was so simple. So full, of time, and breath, and quiet and nothing. I felt 9:00 am, outdoors. It's delicous. I took a walk. I stretched afterwards. I did the grocery shopping, without a list. Felt dangerous. But mostly comforting to fill the family's pantry once again. I had lunch with two girlfriends I hadn't seen in 7 years, at a bakery. I ate dessert. I went to the park and read my book for MORE THAN AN HOUR, uninterrupted, except to breathe in the sunshine and fallen leaves, and to brush little green aphids off the page. That's it. That's all I did.

It was an enormous gift, that simple day. Enormous.

Bed Time

WELL. It's high time to move that video down the page, so I suppose I can think of something else to write about.

Think....

Think...

Ermmmm....

This is not going so well, is it? Of course I'm scattered because of the lack of sleep... two nights in a row, there's been an interloper in my bed. Gosh, I love that girl, but she's killing me softly. It'd be fine if she just came in and went to sleep, but she comes in and wants to chit-chat.

Last night it was [stage whisper] "Mommy! Help me find my CHAPTER BOOK." I had given her one at bedtime, because she was requesting a Chapter Book. "Like AJ's," she specified, "No pictures." I tried handing her an old copy of  "Little House on the Prairie" -- refused. Picutres. I tried a paperback "Nate the Great" from AJ's bookshelf. Refused. So you know what I gave her? Salman Rushdie. "Haroun and the Sea of Stories." (Which is excellent, if you've never read it.) She was satisfied with that one and went to bed with it.

Evidently, it walked off sometime before 4:00 am.

We suspect the solution could be so simple, in getting her a new big girl bed and pretty new covers that she'll adore (I'm leaning toward a full-size, even though in her tiny bedroom, she really needs a lofted bed in order to preserve any sort of play-space). It feels like in order to get a new bed, we'll have to immediately redecorate the whole room. I want an armoire, new bookshelves, new toy storage... But I know I should just get the bed. At least then if she needs someone to sleep with, there will be room for two people in her own bed, or an empty bed for me to retreat into if when she takes over mine.

I've tried to look at furniture online, but I end up looking at Pottery Barn Kids photos, when I should be looking at plain mattress photos. And I'd love to create a room from shabby-chic and DIY and antiqued pieces that I spruce up with my own creativity and spray paint, but... I get stifled and discouraged by the idea of doing it all at once, which would be pretty impossible. But maybe if I just start with a mattress/box springs, and a comforter from the french boutique, Target, I can take the decor part a little more slowly.

So perhaps this first task will be prioritized here in the next few days. Like, perhaps tomorrow. Mom, I think you and I will be making a stop at the local mattress store during our Saturday shopping.

For Cayt, and for being a follower! The Silly Accent Vlog

Aaaaaccccckkk! Embarrassing! But I totally did want to do this, depsite my protestations yesterday. Hi, Mom, here is my accent! The first one of these I watched last Friday was Jonniker's, and then I went into a time-warp and watched about 15 of them, some from bloggers I don't even know. So interesting! Amusing! Anyway, I thank Cayt for prodding me one time, because it was all I needed to satisfy the need to film myself (?!! why?). Hee hee.



Here are the instructions:

Say the following words: Aunt, route, wash, oil, theatre, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, spitting image, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, syrup, pajamas, caught

And answer these questions:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that curls into a ball when you touch it?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you use to change the TV channel?

p.s. I forgot "ruin." But I say, "roo-in," not "run," as some of my friends do. I actually love when I hear an authentic, "ruint." I even have a Mississsippi friend who jokes and says, "rur-nt." HAAAAA!

p.s.s. I don't say, "see-rup," what was I thinking? I realized after watching this a few times, and going BACK to re-watch Arwen's, again (and others' too... obsessed much???), that I had told HER in her comments, that I couldn't IMAGINE saying "see-rup," that "suh-rup" was the ONLY WAY. So I'm feeling the need to atone for and apologize for this grave mistake.

Monday the 17th

I enjoyed all the Accent Vlogs last week! I feel like I'd be presumptious to do one, myself, considering that a good portion of my readership knows me IRL. Heh. "Hey, Mom, here's what my accent sounds like." Plus, living in the South, it's pretty clear that I'll say "cokes" and "y'all." I might surprise you with "pajamas," though. (Short "a" jammies, but "ah" for pajamas. I can't reconcile the two.)

Yatt is telling me about her trip to Urgent Care last week (Friday), after she had spent the day hacking up a lung just on the other side of my cube wall. She evidently had infected tonsils and a fever of 101. Awesome. Where is my hand sanitizer? Every time she coughed last week, I squirted my hands. I wasn't having direct contact with her hands, and I know hand gel can't stop the contagions from flying around through the cube walls into my AIR, but... instinct, I guess. I should have remembered the Lysol spray this morning.

Our weekend was deliciously calm. Both days, we emplyed Divide and Conquer -- AJ and DH to jiu jitsu, and KT and I to Bed Bath and Beyond. (I shopped! For fun, decorative stuff!) In the afternoon, the kids played with the neighbors outside while DH mowed, and I vacuumed inside. I didn't mind! I was GLAD to get the house cleaned up! No one was whining for me to hold them or play with them! Then the babysitter came over, and DH and I went to a new (to us) restaurant, and to see The Help. What a movie. Loved it. It was as good as the book, no question. The casting was brilliant. Sunday was Mass, then the boys went to watch a football game and KT had a birthday party to attend. Afterwards, she crashed on the couch and I got to READ! And do 25 minutes of exercise, which was lovely!

So, another Monday begins this busy workweek. I'm so excited to see my parents on Thursday -- they're coming in to help us with AJ's "fall break," which isn't billed as such but is a 4-day weekend for the students. Us parents are held hostage by having to attend Parent-Teacher Conferences on Friday. There are guests in the office today (ugh) and I have lots of errands to do on lunch breaks. I'm thankful for:

• Time to tend our home, and space to let the kids run.
• A cartful (not a buggy) of groceries last night at 9:30, even though I wish I could cut down on the cost (coupons?).
• Joy in our singing at Mass yesterday, despite some fun(ny) drama!
• Time with my husband Saturday night, just to sit near each other and share an appetizer, and be.
• A delicious cup of coffee. Well, okay, 3 cups. :)

Notes from an Introvert Mom

• Am I the only one who hates Halloween costume parties? Bleeerrrggg. I mean, seriously, I WINCE at the thought of dressing up and then having to also make polite conversation with people. (I am hoping for some rah-rah enthusiasm from all of you other Internet-shy-introverted-and hate to make phone calls types.) It's weird because I was such a theater-nerd in high school -- I LIVED to dress up and play a character. But... no more. I've got invitations to two "Costumes Required" parties, both on the same night, unfortunately; they are people I would like to socialize with, but *whiiiiiine* not wearing extra eye-liner and wrinkled polyester! What to do...? If you DO like dressing up, what was your very best costume idea as an adult?
• We had KT's first Parent-Teacher Conference this morning. (Three year old preschool!) We haven't loved her teacher thus far -- she has NOT seemed as warm and loving as some of the previous teachers we've loved, although I've been somewhat willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, seeing as how she SPENDS HER ENTIRE DAY WITH FIFTEEN 3-Year-olds. Perhaps I would not be all sunshine and rainbows at the end of those days (or the beginning, frankly, either) if I were in her position.
  
  However, the conference went well and she said some very nice things about my girl. She's a leader. She is very social, very emotionally aware, proud of her work, very creative, and very smart. She is writing her name without help, except for a little help with the "K." She is able to count from 1 to 39. She recognizes all the letter sounds and letters. She is starting to learn patterns in "math." She can draw the 3yo version of a person (head, arms, legs -- and she adds hands and feet!) She is a talker -- both in knowing the answers to questions, and in never shutting up. They said it's just part of being THREE, but that they also do envision future report cards with "Talks too much in class." I'm told the teacher has had to resort to "KT, Zip It!" when she just won't stop.

Hee, hee. And oh, dear.

Tangled and Teary

Man, Disney has done it again... here I am, nearly 2 years late to the Tangled party, but I have to share. We watched it several months back for the first time, and of course I loved it. The kids did, too. And so this weekend, when it was just me and KT -- the boys went away on a Scouting overnight -- we watched it once on Saturday and once on Sunday. [Aside -- do your kids do this, too? Get obsessed with a movie or show and want to watch the SAME EPISODE or the WHOLE 2 HOURS over and over and over again? Or is that just mine? I have also seen the two "Good Luck, Charlie" episodes available on Xfinity On Demand about four frillion times in the last 2 weeks.] Anyway, what I was going to say is that this movie, much like Finding Nemo before it, makes me WEEP! Good grief with the mother-daughter issues, and the keeping-kids-safe dilemma, and the kids-finding-their-independence and becoming-their-own-people and now-they-can-never-go-back-to-the-way-it-was!! Not to mention the holy giving of one's own life to save another's-es!! Yeesh! I am a complete MESS by the end of it, and so KT is awfully confused about what's a happy ending and whether or not Mommy needs a teddy bear and a blankie. It kills me when she comes to sit in my lap because she sees that I am sad. Kills me!!

Craving creativity

I guess Pinterest has done this to me... I'm feeling like I want to start doing more crafts and projects.

Well, okay, I'm partly motivated because KT needs a new big-girl bedOMGsheisstillsleepinginourroommostnights. Partly. Motivated. !! But Pinterest helps. I mean, you just see such adorable things there, many of which don't look hard, but require some time and effort.

I get hung up on that part, the time and effort part. But I think, "Well, Lee, if you really WANT IT, go out and GET IT." Isn't that the theme of our generation? Pshaw, you don't have time. Make the time. I have been thinking, if I'd just SAY on a Saturday, "I'm going to Michael's (or the antique store, or wherever) and then this afternoon I am going to paint something...." I have very little project-gumption, I guess, but I would like to have more. And if I want to do these kinds of things -- if they would make me happy (ier), I should definitely fit them in, right?

The other thing I love about Pinterest is that fact that I'm adding some visual beauty to my days. Even if it's just on my little iPhone screen, I'm enjoying seeing pretty things more often. Because I don't subscribe, unfortunately, to Architectural Digest like my elegant Mom did when she was my age. :)

I need a small, achievable something to get me started, and this one seems like the perfect thing.

It would be lover-ly in pinks and greens and lilacs and maybe a brown and a white, in KT's big-girl room, wouldn't it?? I am excited and hope to buy the supplies soon.

Art History, and my idea for a Music Project

When my sister and I were small (probably first and third grades, or so), my clever Mom purchased a teaching guide of some sort, for Art History. It included what seem, in my memory, to have been 9 x 13" prints of works of art from many of the great masters -- Van Gogh, Monet, Manet, Picasso, Cassat and Modigliani (impressive, right?). Mom instituted some sort of schedule, hung up the prints of the week (or maybe the month) around our house, with their names, dates and painters written underneath, and then we had little quizzes from time to time. It went on quite a while and I loved it.

We learned "Whistler's Mother" and "Still Life with Peppermint Bottle." I remember many of the works vividly; others not so much, but I can certainly identify styles and guess at who might've painted something, if I see it in a museum or book. I never took Art History 101 in college, which I do regret, but I still feel like I have a healthy basic knowledge, and that serves my humanities-leaning soul (?) well.

I recently had the idea to adapt the Art History plan for Music Literature, for my own kids.

There are certain works I would like them to recognize. Things that are obvious to me when they come on the radio: The Nutcracker Suite. Beethoven's 5th. Baroque period vs. Romantic. Aaron Copland! Granted, my kids are smaller right now than we were during our Art History lessons, but with music, it's never too early to start seeping it into their little ears!

They already listen to their own CDs when going to bed (only until the CD ends; I don't keep it on all night or anything) -- AJ's into kid-pop and has some Justin Bieber, some I Don't Even Know Who Else, China Anne Somebody or other? and some other tunes he picked out. KT's listening to a Disney compilation at the moment or sometimes Laurie Berkner. I want them to continue to choose their own music at times, too, but I am thinking that at dinnertime, maybe one or two nights a week, I'll just casually turn on a CD of Debussy's Children's Corner, or The Nutcracker, or Rodeo by Aaron Copland, and let it play while we eat. I might or might not make namecards for the composers, and set them up (casually!) on the kitchen counter while those songs play.

I'm so excited about this and have played the Debussy a couple of times already (they're enjoying the feel of the words "Golliwogs' Cake Walk" on their tongues when I tell them the name and they repeat it back to me).

I'm going to have to get on iTunes because I know I threw out the one (cheap) Nutcracker CD I had, years ago (the orchestration was not up to par - I think it was a reader's digest version, y'know? Not the real deal). And my classical collection is lacking in several other departments.

AJ has remained uninterested in piano lessons, much to my dismay. I hope I can convince (or force?) KT to take them, but until then, I'm happy to start them off with a little music appreciation.

Update...

Turns out you CAN play a Nintendo DS with a broken arm. It is not hard! You can play it, like, for 3 or 4 hours at a time! Especially when you're at home because your Mom is a sucker and feels sorry for you, having to have a cast! It is pretty awesome, actually!

(The final report: it's a type of fracture that heals in just 3 weeks. Yay! He talked the ears off the orthopaedics staff, and chose a blue cast.)