Cheesy (but Helpful) Gratitude Lists

I was bogged down yesterday by a crummy mood (don't you love the word 'crummy?' it's so innocent). I drove home at lunch to eat peanut butter and jelly on squishy white bread -- for some reason it was the comfort food I craved in that moment. (With Cheeze Its and a Diet Coke w/lime.) After I ate, I curled up in a blanket on the couch for 20 minutes. It helped a bit. I wasn't tired, but I needed that "power-down" time.

Anyway, I'm writing something for work that reminded me: I want to start recording my 5 things again. I know it's cliche, but I believe that it works to change bad attitudes. So, here goes. I'm grateful...

1. for working close to home when I need a break like yesterday
2. for the rain!! we have needed it, and it made things seem cozy
3. for cooler temperatures. Such a relief after the unrelenting heat.
4. for working in an air conditioned office, even during unrelenting heat (thank goodness)
5. for my amazing Mom whose birthday was yesterday! ya-ya-ma! I'm so thankful to have her in my life.

Of sighs and whispers

I’ve been trying, at least this week-ish, to be more fully present in the moments, especially the ones with the kids. I know I mentioned particularly that on Thursdays I only get to be with them for a couple of hours total, all day. I need to stop reminding myself of this because when I type “couple” it makes a stabbing pain right in my heart. But that’s not the point, the point is the Moments. Whether we’re reading or playing, or looking at pictures on the iPhone, I’m just wanting so much to enjoy them and be my best self during them.

It’s getting harder with AJ because one, he’s a jumping, squirming, knees and elbows and head-butting wonderful boy. When he tries to climb up on me for hugs and cuddles I have to watch out for my spleen. And he always manages to grind his kneecap into my femur. But he’s still up for hugs and cuddles so I try not to complain. And two, his playtime is so complicated now. He asked me yesterday to please play Jack and Annie with him. So I tried to be Annie, but I don’t remember these books word for word, and he apparently does. He gets mad when I try to use my imagination and say, “Ooh, Jack, here’s a BUG! Maybe Merlin needs it?”

“MOOOMMM, there wasn’t a BUG in book nine hundred and eleven, [siggghhh].” Or else it's a Bakugan battle, about which I only know, "Bakugan, STAND." And that's not nearly enough for him. ;)

But with KT, it’s a bit easier. She likes to lay on the bed together, nose to nose. Sometimes we giggle, sometimes we sing (current fave is Jesus Loves Me, which just sends sunshine through my veins), most times we pretend-bite each other’s necks, and get each other’s sugar, and play with each other’s hair. It’s delectable.

And last night – she’s been waking up in the middle of the night again, either from some molars coming in, or just because she thinks it’s fun – we lay in the dark, trying to wish sleep’s heavy return (at least I was). Everything’s hazy and in whispers but I do know that she, at one point, brushed my hair back from my face, like I do for her when I lay her down every night, and patted me on the shoulder with her soft little fingers. And that pat... wow, do I ever treasure sweet moments like those.

Balanced

I’ve been reading Linda’s latest news with great interest, having always identified with her in certain ways. One, because I found her when her oldest son was first-born, and my own AJ was 1 year old. Two, because she also had a long commute, and was (is) a working mom. Six years ago, I, too, was driving more than 40 minutes to and from a job that was less-than-fulfilling (but had wonderful people!). So I stayed there and stayed there until circumstances finally combined in the right way that I could leave.

Linda has taken the leap that so many of us bloggers think about from time to time to a freelance writer working full-time from home, staying with her kids. I am so thrilled for her. If anyone deserves writing success, it’s her. Naturally part of me is a smidge jealous, but a MUCH smaller percentage than would have been, 2 years ago. Her announcement has made me feel proud, actually, that I have also taken steps to remedy what was a somewhat "soul-sucking" situation.

1. I now have a much more pleasant 7-mile commute. My office is located in the same suburb as my home and my kids’ schools, the way God intended.

2. I made it clear when I was hired here that I was not available for travel, and I asked multiple times if my position required it – the answer was always “No” from the particular manager who hired me. (It still comes up from time to time with other managers, but I’m trying very hard to stick to my guns about it.)

3. We’re rocking flex-time. It’s not perfect by any means. Thursdays have become especially long now that I’ve rejoined the choir: I’m out my door at 6:15am and not home for good until 9:15pm, and that means I only see KT for about an hour and a half total on Thursdays. But overall the plan works. I’m able to pick up AJ, do homework, get dinner started, and sometimes even more in the afternoons.

What I'm saying is, I’m happier with my work-life balance than I have been in a long time. Not that I’m finished complaining about it all -- I agree with Linda that the system is so flawed -- our need/greed for THINGS with accelerated growing costs, like expensive higher education, expensive homes, and all the other trappings that have us trapped. I also have this odd desire to tell my daughter, someday, to consider becoming a nurse or a teacher, because those 2 jobs seem, to me, to offer the best working hours options for moms -- now isn’t that backward? The only jobs women were "allowed" to do for so long. Feminism, whah? But maybe that is finally starting to change. Maybe a Mom can successfully be a full-time writer/editor/marketing-office-worker, on her own scheduling terms, and enjoy both of her jobs.

I have to hope so.

Temper Tantrum

I had a bad afternoon/evening of whining kids and obnoxious kids -- kids who were off their routine specifically because I dragged them off to the mountains for a weekend with MY friends, during which I didn't get nearly enough sleep in order to HAVE FUN andstay up late and drink wine and ENJOY myself.

So last night after one of those, "Child, do NOT do That Thing one more time, do you hear me? Keep your hands to yourself and I mean it!!"

"That thing. [hands flailing]"

I yelled in the WORST way and was a raving lunatic right there in front of both kids' faces. Their voices became very small and their movements hesitant. After kissing them mightily to bed, I gave myself a Time Out in the hot shower, and I cried. I dealt with the parenting shame spiral until my own bedtime, and was so grateful to be given another chance to do better this morning. So, so grateful. I pray I'll do better.

I just wish I could learn this most difficult lesson, once and for all. But I don't think it works that way.

Notes for 2019, when I finally get to the Baby Book

KT has dimples on the backs of both shoulders. They are adorable, and barely noticeable except in summer when she’s wearing sleeveless shirts. I want to remember those. I should take a picture.

(I don’t remember if AJ had any particular dimples. sad face)

KT also has one teeny, tiny freckle on her right hand. She LOVES that freckle. I, myself, have a whole armful of freckles, and so she has asked where hers are. I remember when she found this little itsy speck of a freckle during a bedtime story in the rocking chair, she was so happy. She sometimes forgets what it’s called, and tells me it’s her “sprinkle.”

It must be about time to remove the rails on her crib to make a toddler bed. At 2 and a half, most mornings she wakes up laying perpendicular, with her feet hanging out through the slats. Hee hee.

She asks for chocolate milk (warm) the minute she wakes up, and the minute she gets home from daycare. Sometimes forgets to HUG MAMA, so focused is she on that chocolate milk. Lately I’ve been using sugar-free chocolate syrup.

She eats more than Craisins and ketchup these days, but not much more. Hot dogs, French fries, cheese pizza (no pepperoni!), oatmeal, corn and yogurt are her favorites. And obviously ice cream and cookies. Did I ever tell you she opens her Oreos? She was never shown to do that – came up with it by INSTINCT – and she only eats what she calls the “cream.” She leaves the apple peels, but eats the ‘meat’ on apples. Still No on PBJ and mac-n-cheese. Both kids have been slow learners on those 2 favorites.

Dora is her favorite right now. Loves to read it and watch it on TV. (I hated Dora when AJ was a toddler, but have been surprisingly glad to have “Bate, bate, Choc-o-late!” back in our lives.) She received a big Dora story book earlier this summer, and it’s all she has wanted to read. I’m so sick of “Little Star” that I actually sort-of miss Elmo’s Get Up and Go Songs.

In TV-land, we had to correct a mistake we’d made in letting her brother (and therefore, her) watch iCarly. She spent a couple of weeks requesting it. “iCawly, Mommy? iCawly on?” Cute, but definitely inappropriate for a 2-year old. And a 6-year old. Parental controls to the rescue.

Some of her best words/phrases right now:
“Yes, I m’am.” Means “Yes, I am,” usually said in opposition to whatever I’m telling her. “KT, you are not looking at your toes, are you?” “YES, I M’AM.” (Oh, yes, she loves to inspect her toes for “dirt.” She will do this for 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes it’s handy – keeps her quiet! But it’s weird.)

“So much.” She misplaces this in sentences, like, “Mommy, I so much didn’t get Dora wet all day today.”

“M-M-Ms.” You know it’s a keeper when it changes the way your whole family refers to an object. M&Ms are now M-M-Ms at our house, just like “Loo-Loos” from AJ’s babyhood, and the nickname of our dog, from my cousin’s baby Anna.

“I’m leaving yooo...” When she wants me to go somewhere and I don’t immediately follow her. I think I accidentally taught her this one. Heh.

“Walkie-walkie.” I have to report on this for the baby book, although the phase has mostly passed. In June during our beach vacation, my Dad’s cousin Bill, a grandpa himself many times over, teased KT by pretending he had something in his pocket. He’d take his hand out to reveal...his “walkie-walkie.” By which means he’d “walk” his fingers over to tickle... and DELIGHT her. She adored the walkie-walkie, and therefore Bill, and the whole family picked it up. We still sometimes bring out our own walkie-walkies when we’re coaxing a smile out of her, and SHE likes to do it to us, too.

MY KID IS THE CUTEST ONE. ;)

The Mountains

We’re going to the mountains in a week. A group of my college friends has planned a get-together, families included. We’re all going to pile into a (rather large) home in Highlands, NC, for 2 days and 2 nights.

I am pretty excited about this, for a number of reasons. One, these are my dear friends, some of whom I haven’t seen since they moved away to Virginia in 2002. I’ve not met some of their children, nor have they had a chance to meet mine. Two, the friends who DO still live in town, I NEVER GET TO SEE! It’s crazy how life changes and friends get married and develop new friendships and lives, and boom, we go months (years?) with hardly any contact. The friends I had class/lunch/parties with every day in college. Three, I took a day off work, and what can I say, that excites me.

I’m thrilled to take the kids somewhere with a mountain landscape. I don’t know if we’ll do much outdoor activity – I think there’s a lake on the property but I’m unsure – but I just want them to SEE it. To breathe it. I know AJ is old enough to remember it later, and I crave memories like this for both of them. FUN things that we did as a family. Scenery. And other, new kids to play with, whose parents are important to me. I'm eager for a photo of all the kids together. I have memories like this: Once, my family went to Colorado when I was young, with 1 or 2 other families, I think. It’s hazy, but I remember fondly a picnic and a beautiful grassy field.

What’s different about this group of friends is that we were all in concert choir together. Let that sink in for a moment and then let me tell you I was asked to bring my digital piano.... yyyyyeahhhh, we’re THAT kind of group. There’s going to be singing. Late into the night, I suspect. It’s impossible for us to get together without music being involved. And I’m sorry for my own husband and one other spouse, who were not part of that (nor any choir). But in fact, it’s fun even if you’re not singing.

I have always felt a little less musically talented than most of these friends. Of the 8 of us, two are music teachers with masters’ degrees, and one is an opera singer (his real job, not a hobby). 3 others sing in their cities’ civic choruses. Me? I haven’t even kept up with the church choir. Last time we got together, it was less fun for me to contribute parts and harmonies as it was to just LAUGH at the fact that we were sitting around singing hymms and various Barbershop Quartet tags (yes, we have a Barbershop nerd among us, as well). It’s just fun because it’s a bit ridiculous. Especially when you pair an evening like that with wine. I’m not even kidding, DH, the fun part is the laughter.

I'm bringing Uno cards, and I hope we’ll all have the best time.

Writers write about a moment in time.

Did I tell you that AJ wants to be a writer when he grows up? I’m unsure what kind of writer, but that’s what he says. I sort-of love it. It’s his first “When I grow up” statement, I think. He never said “Dinosaur” or “Truck driver” or “Superhero” when he was smaller – in fact, he used to just say, “I want to be MYSELF” when we used to ask him. Which is, I think, a perfect prerequisite for his current professional goal, don’t you? Hee hee. We’ll see how this develops. At the moment, he’s writing/drawing a book called “Doctor Doofinsmerts ‘In-Ator Book” [sic and sic].

There’s a poster in his first-grade classroom, telling the rules of writing. All through Kindergarten, the kids kept a journal, and that process continues this year. This year, however, they seem to be given better prompts. I glanced through his journal when I visited the classroom last week. It was awesome. On page one, they were to describe their thoughts/feelings about the first day of school. His last sentence for that entry was “I was happy.” A Mama’s joy to read those words. I pray he’ll stay happy in school.

Aside from writing, however, AJ has other goals: Namely, to be in the Cub Scouts. Oh, ALL the boys are doing it – I think there’s one boy in his class who’s already got an older brother and therefore, a uniform, and that uniform CALLS to the kids. Naturally, I believe it’s one of the most worthy causes out there. It grows good men, IMHO, and I should know as my Dad went from a Tiger Cub to an Eagle Scout, and probably earned every patch in-between. I’m concerned about the time factor, though. We already have a huge commitment in T-ball, and I know that scouting requires time from the parents to complete projects… not to mention camping trips. (Not to mention ANOTHER fundraiser, separate from the school fundraiser. Gah.) AJ also asked me about swimming lessons the other day, which I definitely want him to do (on weekends only, FTLOG).

So begins the time in DH and my lives where we meet every Friday night and say, “So, how was your week?”

7 Quick Takes - This Week in Living

1. I posted on Facebook last night that Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, stresses me out more than a door-to-door solicitor. This could be a whole post in itself, actually. I’ve been burned once or twice by scam artists, and have therefore TRIED to establish a Policy , so when the doorbell rang last night, I told myself “POLICY. POLICY. I DON’T DO BUSINESS at the front door. Thankyougoodbye.” But then I opened it, and it was a guy selling new fiber-optic cable! and Voice-over-IP! and blah blah blah, and his tactics (“I’m just here to see if you’re on my lines and want to verify your phone number… etc. and How much are you currently paying... ohhh, that’s too much….”) completely distracted me, as they are supposed to do.

I leave the TV business to my husband, but of course just initialing this form – not a contract, mind you – would ensure that if we DID decide in the future, even a year from now, that we want to go with his company, we’d lock in today’s pricing... and I totally Failed to Adhere to the Policy, or even mention it! And it was HOT AS BLAZES out there, and it took a long stinking time to fill out his stupid forms and verify me over the phone. And should I invite him in to cool off in that case (NO, Of course NO, but it feels pretty rude just the same). So, stress! And then I was anxious that DH would drive up before the dude had left, and would see me there on the porch DOING BUSINESS with him, and shake his head and think, “Not again.” ...and the stress just multiplied and I nearly broke down after the whole thing was said and (NOT SIGNED) and done. HATE.

2. DH was wonderful about it, actually. Hugged me and said it was fine, and he’d call the guy back to cancel slash follow up.

3. I’ve mentioned a co-worker who’s recently become very vocal about her views on the Food Industry, a la Omnivore’s Dilemma. I mean, she's entitled to her opinions, obviously, but she’s been slightly self-righteous and annoying about "over-processed" foods and organic etc. WELL. The other day she asked me where I’d like to eat lunch. My suggestion (a chicken place, I love their salads) made her wrinkle her nose, and she said, “I can’t eat there. I don’t know WHERE they get their chickens, or if they’re treated humanely.” So, fine. Whatever. But TODAY I told her I was running out to pick up a salad from the same place, and could I bring her a drink? She gave me money instead for a fried-cheese appetizer! So evidently she doesn’t care if they treat their cheese (cows?) inhumanely. Picture me with squinty eyes of irritation.

4. My over-processed and questionably treated chicken salads have garnered me a South-Beach Diet loss of 3 pounds so far. It is going well and one of the reasons I haven’t posted much here is that I’m sorta doing my online time-wasting on the message boards there. Heh. I’ve allowed some cheating (weekends are a killer), but still I feel like I’m following the plan pretty well. It’s so much easier for me than counting calories!

5. I had additional stress this week over a LONG list of work assignments, mostly writing. It’s not that I can’t DO the writing, it’s that I put off starting it. And these 5 or 6 articles kinda snuck up on me, all due at once. (On top of a bunch of other tasks, of course.) But with some focus I’ve gotten 3 of the 6 DONE, and 1 more assigned and OFF my PLATE, and boy oh boy, is that a nice way to finish out the week.

6. Remember I mentioned wanting to sign up for a Yoga class again? Yeah. Still haven’t done that. Still want to, though.

7. Finally, turning this all around to a positive note, I had a really lovely musical experience once this week. The deal is, I love Contemporary Christian music. Jesus Rock, my DH calls it. One of the first albums I ever bought at age 11, in fact, was Michael W. Smith’s Project, thanks to my friend whose Dad was in the permanent Deaconate. So I heard an old, romantic Jesus-Rock song the other day in the car ("I Will Be Here," by SCC), and it got me thinking about the wonderful gift I have in my husband (awwww). Then just now, I heard “His Grace Is Enough,” which is upbeat and new, but totally made me thankful for getting through This Week In Living. Without His Grace, I might not have. I feel really good about the upcoming weekend.

For more Quick Takes (hopefully quicker than mine...) visit Jen!

Snide (and awesome)

We got the kids’ portraits done Sunday, which is always a festival of fun. They were actually very well-behaved during the session, and we took them for ice cream afterwards. Then, we needed to run to the sporting goods store for AJ – he’s grown so that last spring’s baseball cleats no longer fit, and practice begins today. WELL, that was the straw that broke his back, and the whining commenced. He didn’t WANNNNNNT to do another errand, we had already been TWOOOOO PLACESSSSSS, he hadn’t had any time to PLAAAAAYYYYYYY, and it was going to take too LONNNNNNNGGGGG, waa waa waa like a 2-year-old even though he is now six, and much too old for tantrums (as I tell him all-too-frequently). [Pause for breath.] We managed him into the car, calmly told him he had just been given a TREAT for goshsakes', we couldn't understand him in his whiny voice, and got going anyway.

He settled down for the most part, but was still sniffling and kicking his feet on the back of my seat (I KNOW)... when we heard one declarative comment from KT’s side of the car....

“You’re a baby.”

It was monumentally hard not to laugh right out loud.

Thank-you note

• For every lovely meal you bought us while you were here;


• For every fast-food meal, too;


• For babysitting every day for 8 days, and 1 night! An enormous gift to us;


• For staying up late to watch silly BravoTV shows (the best!) with us;


• For making Publix runs to get dinner, or more chocolate milk, or Pop-Tarts;


• For telling us again that we made a good investment when we bought our modest little home;


• For driving the Highlander safely and carefully with our precious cargo;


• For treating us to the wonderful local Science museum;


• For new school shoes a-plenty;


• For watching baseball together, Dad -- I really enjoyed that last night;


• For laughter and eye-opening conversations;


• For hugs and kisses (not the kids -- ME! I needed every one of 'em!);



• Most of all, for enduring, even when the kids were acting LIKE THEY NEEDED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, and for assuring me that this, too, shall pass... and that we're doing an okay job at this parenting thing;



• And for Washing the Sheets!! Such GOOD MANNERS.

I thank you with all my heart.

All that...

...and then, just now, I get a nostalgic little “rush,” walking down the office hallway with a file folder in my hand, because I used to love to play office when I was a little girl. File folders and staplers and copiers, oh my! How can something be meaningless AND somewhat of a childhood wish come true, at the same time?

I am all sorts of messed up, my friends.

Ah, well, moving on to the purely physical: FRITOS. My mind is locked on Fritos today. But let’s start at the beginning -- I lost a pound in Week One. That’s slow and steady, like it’s supposed to be, so Bully for me! I am encouraged, and South Beaching hasn’t been that bad. Boring, maybe, without a nightly ice cream cone, but not terrible. Tonight might prove difficult, however. My parents are arriving tonight to help with the first week of school’s wacko schedule – Monday Orientation, Tuesday off, Wednesday and Thursday half-days, Friday full day! WHY, School Administrators? Elementary school shouldn’t be this complicated, truly – and I’m planning to serve taco salad for dinner. Which is a perfectly acceptable South Beach meal, actually, unless you add the best part, the FRITOS. I bought them enthusiastically last night, because apparently 2 weeks ago when AJ arrived at his Gammy’s, she had an unopened bag on her counter and it was THE thing he was happiest about. He said, “My Mommy hardly EVER buys me Fritos, and I love them.” Sigh. You come by it naturally, kiddo. I will TRY to resist them, or only add a few. It is frankly going to suck.

Solve for X

Sometimes the time I spend at my office doesn’t even feel real. When I think about it from far away, at night or in the fog of my next morning’s shower, I think, “Did I really spend 8 hours there yesterday? Seated in that same position, looking in the same direction at the screen? A full day?” It can’t be.

I talk to people, sure. Through the cubicle wall as we both continue with our work-tasks. During lunch breaks. Or on the phone, irritated as I am whenever it rings. I talk to strangers or to people I only know marginally. They’re not the people that truly matter to me. I don’t feel engaged. I don’t actually feel loved by these people, or that I’m bringing them love.

Not that I remember, every day, that my purpose should be bringing love to others. I don’t. My purpose should be taking care of my family, and I achieve that, working to bring them food and shelter and a living. This isn’t a post about wishing to stay at home. But I think, “This is not meaningful. This is not living, doing. It’s sitting.” What I'm fretting over is my fulfillment. I think it’s the sitting that makes it seem so unreal. Our lives tangled up in wires and wireless, and keystrokes and data, and websites and typing – how can that be real?

I wonder, is it up to me to make THIS daily existence more meaningful? Or is it critical to find something else that would engender its own meaning? Something where I stand in front of people, or hug them? Or touch the earth? Or laugh about whatever thing we’re doing? Not that I feel I’m an extrovert. Far from it – I keep a semi-anonymous blog, for heaven’s sake. I’ve never cared for group projects. But spending the day doing something WITH people seems more acceptable than, at the end of the day, closing up the laptop, bidding my neighbor goodbye and wondering if either of us really SAW the other at all in the last 8 hours.

I’m not a save-the-world type. I don’t mean that. I don’t even know that I’m looking to solve a problem. But the sitting still, I just don’t know. It doesn’t feel real, sometimes, looking back at it. I wish I would at least get something out of it, some recordable emotion.

Time ticks away and it feels strange to just accept this.

7 Quick Takes Re: Nothing in Particular (& the diet)

• Hard to get used to: Vegetables with breakfast. It would be one thing if I had time to make omelets in the morning, but I don't. So, V8 it is. Which is fine, I like V8. What's a diet without it, really?


• They stress you're not supposed to have High Fructose Corn Syrup. I get that, sure. But I'm not eating non-fat, sugar-free PLAIN yogurt. Gross. I got a Yoplait NF/SF blackberry yogurt yesterday at the store, which is a perfectly acceptable yogurt in any other diet scenario. And since I dislike yogurt SO much, but need my dairy servings, guess what, South Beach? HFCS. Pbbbllltt. Still: I like having to be conscious of HFCS. Like all you other organic-minded people. Makes me feel like I'm part of the IN crowd.


• Enough about the diet, How're your mom-n-them? My Mom and I had a fun phone conversation Wednesday. We talk at least one weekday afternoon while I'm driving to get the kids. And while I'm sitting in the parking lot putting off getting the kids. (Ha. It's impossible lately to talk WITH the kids in the vicinity.) We chatted about the idea of parents moving to where their kids/grandkids live. Surprisingly, 3 generations on my Mom's side have learned to be Moms without our OWN Moms around every day. I wish it weren't that way at times, but on the other hand, there's truth to the saying, "Two things you can give your children: One is roots, the other, wings." How often do you talk with your Mom?


• From the Less Philosophical Files: KT refuses barettes and ponytails these days, so I got her hair cut shorter than usual. It's better. Still doesn't stop her from getting maple syrup and who-knows-what-else in it! She's a little pixie with this hair.
• I've just had a very odd Twitter encounter. Someone found my account by happenstance, I think, and started following me. There are some striking similarities between him and my cousin (who's almost a brother to me). Both are pianists/composers, in that soft, Windham-Hill-records style; both grew up in north Florida; both are gentle souls with a Christian mission and generous outlook. I'm really intrigued at why/how this person found my account - he lives in my town.
• We're south-Georgia-bound this evening, to pick up AJ. I have missed that boy. I've even caught myself missing him beside my bed in the early morning when I wake up. (For some reason he has taken to coming into our bedroom again. He curls up on the floor with an extra pillow and his blanket. I always have to be careful I don't step on him in my half-dazed, 5:30 a.m. state.) I can't wait for a good AJ-cuddle.

• After we get him, it's one week and then school starts! Summer has flown by. I'm already anxious for fall weather, though, like the rest of the country. I'm wanting to hike the mountain and have picnics, and these 100-degree days just won't do.

More quick takes here... happy weekend!

Jumping In?

I think I'm going to try it (South Beach Diet). Just had my cottage cheese and V8 for the morning. If I commit, I'm starting in Phase 2. Which is basically a good Weight Watchers-like, sensible diet plan. I don't really believe in Phase 1. I am wise to the fact that it's water weight that you're losing at first, and more important, I call bullshit on the idea that you can "eliminate" carby cravings completely. Don't think so. I will never stop loving Cheeze-Its, no matter how much lean turkey and string cheese I eat! While I would love to lose a quick 5 pounds and thus be extra motivated, I'm pretty much unwilling to give up apples and Triscuits. They are my workday staples and they're allowed in Phase 2.

Besides that, I only want to lose about 8 pounds and the FAQs say I don't have to start with Phase 1, in that case. So there. All hail the FAQs! I'm signed up for the free trial period online, and I can use the site for $20 through the end of August. That seems like a fair minimum amount to contribute towards better eating.

I'm happy that there are no calories to count. Giant relief. I am sick to death of trying to track calories/points. However, the idea that you only eat until you're satisfied is daunting. I eat very fast. I never really KNOW that I'm satisfied, until I'm past the point -- until I'm Very Full. So that will be the biggest challenge, I think.

I've got questions, of course, but scouring the Message Boards today to find answers. Is decaf coffee really required? Do grape tomatoes count or are they too sweet? Etc.

DH is worried he's going to have to eat "yucky stuff" to help me. He is sweet to be supportive but I'm not going to make him eat yucky stuff. It's fun to have a new project, even if it does continue the annoying, near-obsessive thinking about food. At least in the beginning.

Diet dichotomy

I was just doing some research on the South Beach Diet website, debating whether or not to sign up for their online tools. I'm probably buying the book today.

In my subsequent click, I searched for a slow-cooker Buffalo Wings recipe, since I have a package of wings in my freezer this week. HA! (Didn't find one -- I'll likely marinate, then grill them. I guess that might even fit into the South Beach scenario, sort-of.) It just felt funny to look up a diet and then look up WINGS.

Anyway, I feel like I need a food PLAN. I not only NEED, but WANT some new recipes for dinners and lunches. I mean, I basically know how to cook more healthfully, but I resort instead to all my old habits. I was thinking Phase One of SBD might be a good idea, because lordy, have I had eaten some garbage lately. Dumb eating episodes like last night's Animal Crackers binge, for instance. Which was a "finish with something sweet" antidote to the chips-n-salsa episode ten minutes before. All that because I'd forced myself to eat a small dinner, since I'd had a giant fast-food lunch. SIGH.

I'm thinking the Intervention aspect of Phase One would stop all that nonsense in its tracks, if I could stick with it for 2 weeks. (Even though, according to the plan, I could technically start in Phase Two, having less than 10 pounds to lose.)

I know Mighty Maggie's a fan of the SBD. Anyone else tried it with success?

p.s. Changed my template because something weird was going on with it! I'll miss those big ol' flowers.

Day One, Operation Flex-Time, A Success!

Aside from the fact that I stupidly forgot to TURN ON MY ALARM for the Crack-O-Dawn, yesterday's first flex-time day went off without a single hitch. AJ woke me, for some reason, at 5:34, which was only 15 minutes past my intended alarm, so I hurried through showering and getting dressed. Since it was a real "project," I had been excited to prep the night before:

1. Made sandwiches for lunch, for me and DH;
2. Cut banana bread for the kids' breakfast;
3. Put my makeup in a bag to take with me;
4. Set the coffee pot (with a couple of extra scoops!).

I think the makeup was the key. I don't spend a lot of time on makeup, but taking it out of the morning process sped things up quite a bit, and I put it on when my computer was booting up and no one else was at the office yet, at 6:30 a.m. Total genius if I do say so myself.

My other shining moment was making sure I did NOT log into Facebook, my personal email, or Google Reader during that first hour. I knew that playing online would make me feel cheated, like "Why did I get up this early to do nothing?" So I got some things DONE. It was quite a productive day, work-wise. The extra caffeine hopped me up noticeably, but I was also running around for other reasons so it was fine.

DH said the kids were perfect at home, and they were dressed and ready to go well before we usually are on regular days. Makes me think this is going to work. But no guarantees... it could totally fall apart tomorrow. (You: Especially if you don't set the alarm, smart-box.)

A weekend

Sometimes when I think back on weekends, I'm like, "What did we even DO?" So, to answer my own question:

Friday night, we had oven-baked chicken strips, rice (mac-n-cheese for the kids), and green beans for dinner. We gave the kids baths. They chased each other around naked. We read stories; I put KT to bed while AJ and his Daddy watched their shows (Ben10 and GeneratorRex). We went downstairs and I read a couple pages of my book. I sacked out. DH played some video games.

Saturday, we had breakfast (sausage/pancake on a stick for kids, and turkey-sausage muffins for me and DH). We watched cartoons. The little ones played in the living room (KT is getting Ad.Or.A.Ble, playing with her dolls. Putting them to bed, rocking/patting, talking to them.) while I dusted and DH got the yard mowed. After that, the kids and I went to Target for school supplies, Barbie clothes (on clearance!), and for AJ to frivolously spend a birthday gift card. ($30 for a toy he later declared "Lame.") We brought lunch home. Kids were happy to drink Sprite. We played some more, I think I ordered AJ's 1st-grade textbooks to the tune of $226, and DH and I took our showers. Then I went to Mass to do my once-monthly cantoring gig. I think I decided to rejoin the church choir, because my sight reading skills have definitely dwindled. Can't let that happen, even though choir is a giant commitment that tires me just thinking about it. When I came home, KT had napped a little (Thank the Lord), and I threw together some pizzas for dinner. Stories, bed, annnnd ZONK! on the couch again.

Sunday morning we all went to Mass. KT wore her beautiful Strasbourg Children dress, bought on sale, that I adore. It's a little big, which I hope means she'll also be able to wear it next summer. They were mostly good, we saw a lot of acquaintances, including our neighbor who told me I need to sign up to be a lector, and the little girl who wrote "I am going to marrey you" in AJ's yearbook. Hee. Dunkin Donuts afterwards. KT went, and then announced to the whole restaurant, "I WENT PEE PEE!" She is doing quite well with potty training but I'm SO weary of it. AJ had his 45 minutes of screen-time, then we wrote his birthday thank-yous, about which he pitched a major fit. He got through it. Spaghetti-Ohs for lunch. Played outside, a fabulous bubble-blowing party. DH and I decided we need to get a battery-powered bubble machine, and move our deck chairs to the driveway where we can crack open a drink while the kids run around. Why have we not thought of this before?! We had popsicles for snack, then went inside because it was starting to rain. Kids "helped" me make banana bread. No naps. Cleaned a potty. Watched some baseball, and some dumb kids' movie on Disney while doing laundry. Wanted dinner out, but because of no naps, we opted to make turkey burgers instead. Kids "helped." DH continued with laundry because he is the best. Baths -- I'm enjoying my 10 minute break to read now that they're old enough to play relatively safely in the bath -- a serious talk with AJ about why he needs to STOP jumping on the bed with KT around, stories, and bed. I managed to stay awake to watch a weird show on Animal Planet, and some Family Guy. We went to bed around 10.

I don't know if we are extremely boring or totally normal. What did you do this weekend?

A few Yatt stories for ya

Admittedly, Yatt moving in next-door has not been nearly as bad as I would have imagined about a year ago. Too bad for the blog, right?? But in fact, because she's one of the only other women here with a toddler, I do find that I relate to her, moreso than to the ladies in Customer Care, for instance.

But not to worry: She definitely provides cringey and eye-rolly moments. Some reasons to QUICKLY get up and find somewhere else to be. Some Golden Opportunities To Practice Patience. And since I know that some of my readers are as catty and immature as I am, I thought I would share. I'm a giver.

1. Did I mention Yatt is pregnant with #2? I bet I didn't. And you know how much fun a know-it-all is when she is expecting!! She doesn't share every detail of her uterine landscape with me (yet), but I'm ready for it. She does refer to her baby by the name they plan to give him, which has always bugged me. WORSE SINCE HIS NAME IS THE NAME OF MY COLLEGE BOYFRIEND, HA HA! Okay, that's pretty funny - just as I was typing this up, I realized that's the most annoying part about it. And lord forbid if she's feeling a little pain from baby M @ t t h e w (GAH). EDITED: (Wasn't nice anyway) He's only 23 weeks along or something, but one day she acted like his feet were pushing into her ribcage. I wanted to tell her, ummm, he isn't big enough or turned enough to be kicking your ribs, dumbass. (Whoops, let that one slip. She really is a very nice person.)

2. LOUD EATER ZOMG. I didn't know this before because she was a good 20 feet away. But holy cannoli. (Warning: hyperbole ahead.) This week it's been a giant Wal-Mart bag of trail mix, and another giant Wal-Mart bag of dried fruit for snacks. Including banana chips. POPS 'em in her open mouth and CRACKS every nut so that the people in Suite 414 down the hall can probably ALSO feel the tremor. *!!*!* This is my #1 pet peeve in any human. No lie. Obnoxious mouth noises are the work of the Devil himself.

3. The other day, she went thru the drive-thru at Starbucks. (Yet another similarity between us! We both love Sbux! I swear it's stupid how alike we actually are.) And she's pregnant. So evidently her coffee, which was supposed to have been decaf, made her feel very jumpy. Well, instead of pouring it down the drain, getting some water and moving on with her life, she felt the need to call them up. Just to tell them that she thought, and didn't appreciate, their giving her a caffeinated coffee. "I'm Pregnant," she told the guy authoritatively. "And this coffee has me wiggin' out." (She DID say "wiggin'.") Like he could do anything about it at that point! I know that guy, since I frequent there as much as she does, and he is always overly nice and accommodating. I heard her refuse whatever free beverage he offered in apology (if she didn't want something, why did she bother calling?), but she reiterated 2 or 3 times that she is PREGNANT. Then she asked me later, "Did you hear me talking to Starbucks earlier?"

YES. I COULDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE MISSED IT.

Ohhhh, I think it's going to be a delightful gestation.

Advice for the shopping impaired

I’m wearing one of those giant rings that are popular these days. It’s awesome, and so NOT ME. I am just not stylish in any way. Well, maybe one way – I usually have decent hair, only because I like to keep it short, and in order for short hair to be decent hair, it needs a good cut and shape. But clothing and accessories-wise, forget it. I am five-dollar tee shirts and 2 pairs of Payless shoes all summer. I am the same cheap purse from April through November. I am a solid or a floral print, period. I bore myself! But these big showy rings, I like. (They do get in the way of typing, though, and washing hands.)

When I bought them, I was doing my shopping for work. And because the layout had already been decided, I knew I needed items in shades of blue or orange. I want to share this with you because it was so helpful: just shopping for a few things, all in the same color family, was a VERY comfortable way to do it. I felt freed, somehow, from all of my usual constraints:

• The racks and racks of clothes didn’t overwhelm me, because my eyes went only to the colors I was looking for.
• I shopped for the layout – as in, what will look good grouped together on the page, with a clean, white background. Imagining things in groups that way was a totally new perspective that helped me vary what I chose.
• I shopped by department. After I’d found a blouse, for example, I knew I could move on to shoes. I was DONE with blouses. No need to dilly-dally or make sure I’d found everything I could find. Time to move on.

I’ve always been a visual learner, I guess, but didn’t realize it until now. Taking copious notes in school was actually my way of visualizing. Here’s a peek at what I bought that day:


I think this would work if you have a monthly clothes budget, too. Or if your girlfriend invites you shopping, and you allot $150 to spend on yourself, for instance. Think of a few items you might like: a new necklace or bracelet, one shirt, a pair of shoes, and one other accessory. Depending on where you go, you could do all of that – in one color family. You don’t want everything the same, of course – instead, you want a red/pink/black floral print, a fire-engine red purse, a silver necklace, maybe with pink Swaroski crystals, and black/red strappy sandals. It doesn’t all have to be “an outfit,” but it could if you wanted it to. You might never buy black/red strappy sandals if you didn’t shop within that color. But hey! Look at you now! Stylish!

I’m just dying to try this again. We took the kids to the mall during July 4th weekend – they never go there so it was very exciting for them (AJ especially wanted to hit the gumball machine kiosk). That day, we were shopping for DH, not for me, but as I walked around Macy’s I decided the next time I shop, it’s going to be this method. Rainbow Brite Shopping. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Long, with sub-heads

I’ve missed writing. Was asked to complete a 200-word article yesterday at the office and I realized it had been a while since I’d done any writing there, either. Too busy doing database work and Google Adwords and yucky things like that. But there are words that want to be shared today.

The Via Experiment
I’m trying my first cup of Starbucks Via today. It’s pretty decent, happy to report. I mean, Instant Coffee… I was definitely skeptical, but nothing could be worse than office coffee (have I said that before?) and sometimes I don’t feeeeeel like making a pot the night before, and sometimes I also don’t feel like stopping at the drive-thru. In fact. IN. FACT… I’m even a little sick of my usual orders at The McDonalds Of Coffee, which are, in rotation:

• Grande non-fat no-whip toffee nut latte
• Grande non-fat no-whip peppermint mocha
• Grande skinny vanilla (latte)
• Tall Pike Place Roast in a Grande cup w/skim and Splenda.

All delicious. The first one there is courtesy of my sister, a Seattleite (Seattle-r?). I believe she suggested it the first time I visited The First Starbucks – the one whose sign is brown, not green – and it stuck. I have been drinking Toffee Nut lattes for about 10 years, I guess. I am sure you’re riveted by my salvation history in coffee. The password to login to my computer is currently Coffeecoff33. A while back it was St*rbucks. You might say I’m a big fan.

The Birthday Boy and the Bloggers
It’s birthday weekend again at our house – AJ is SIX. His new haircut makes him look so handsome and GROWN, and the dental hygienist said one of his teeth is loose! My big boy. His dinner of choice last night ended up being an homage to some of my favorite bloggers. I thought of Lag Liv’s recent post, and family tradition, because AJ chose an at-home dinner. Typically we go out for birthdays, but instead he wanted Brinner – breakfast for dinner. So we had Pancakes and over-processed bacon (“Fully Cooked” from a box, because I can’t stand to see a skillet full of grease when cooking real bacon, blech). The meal made me think of Mir, because of the bacon (obvs), but also because I made a “6” shaped pancake and stuck a candle in it, a la Otto. Everyone was impressed and it made things festive. You see what good the Internet is doing in this world? We're celebrating this weekend with all the grandparents and a large costumed rodent.

I have been so proud of AJ lately, helping me with Terrible-Twos-infected KT (she complies when HE asks her to eat her yogurtfortheloveagod), playing nicely with her, cleaning up his things (sometimes), and all those other responsible things that kids actually CAN do as they get older. Last night for the first time, we let him cut his own pancakes using a knife; he only licked the syrup off the knife once.

[update: 2nd cup of Via. Mmmm.]

The Bookworm Again
I have returned to reading. Finally! I'm so glad to have received a Kindle for my birthday (thanks, DH!), and in the last 2 months, the books I've read have included:

• Eclipse, by Stephanie Meyer. I gave in to the hype of the movie. I had read the first 2 books last year sometime, and I'm glad I took a long break. It's fun remembering, and I do really like the series, despite its teenagey-lame-bad-metaphors. I’ve yet to see any movies, but they’re in the queue for this weekend or next.
• Escape, by Carolyn Jessop. This was on my wish list forever, and it’s the first thing I read on the Kindle. It’s about the FLDS, which you may know is one of my deep curiosities/interests. Those poor people. I learned a lot. I still wonder why she kept the name Jessop, though! Good grief, I would have rid myself of THAT connection toute de suite. I guess it was for publicity’s sake.
• The Help, by Kathryn Stockett. I still can’t believe this was her first novel. Amazing, funny story about the South in the sixties. Sometimes I get weary of that difficult topic – there seem to be a LOT of novels about it – but this one was entirely different. It was more a story about women, really, even though race relations was a huge part of it. I lapped it up like sweet cream. So good.
• Commencement, by J. Courtney Sullivan. This was a book club choice and I liked it, but didn’t love it. (Fiction about 4 girls who attended Smith College.) The ending made me mad, and I like having a real reaction to a book even if it’s a negative reaction. What I don’t like is when I start one and don’t get interested enough to finish it, like happened with
• The Lost City of Z, by David Grann. It’s still sitting on my nightstand but I’m unsure if I’ll revisit it this year or not. I want to be interested in it (non-fiction about a late 19th-century explorer of jungles and tribes), but so far... eh.

I always like blog posts about the books you’re reading, so I thought I’d share my latest. If you’ve stumbled on something you think I should read, please share!

Happy weekend!