Monday, Accompli

Hiked today: 20 minutes. Yesssssssss. *fist pump*

Not Hiking, and Camping

I guess it’s sinuses. I woke up yesterday with a ridiculous headache, right behind my left eye. All morning I was worried it would devolve into a migraine. I don’t really know how migraines work, but I have had them thrice in my life, and it felt like yesterday was on a migraine trajectory -- even AFTER taking an Extra-Strength Tylenol Rapid Release Gelcap, which was recommended to me by my nurse friend. Four hours and several snotty Kleenexes later, I took a generic brand ibuprofen, and finally got some relief.

I’ve been having these “allergies” now for 3 weeks. I think they may not be allergies? Ahem. Sadly, they are also involving a good bit more asthma than I would like. Once, in my 20s, I was diagnosed with a very mild case of it. After it passed, I really haven’t had any “episodes” in a long time. Until lately. Nearly every night, when my 24-hour Claritin wears off, I’m having to medicate with the leftover Albuterol inhaler that was prescribed to AJ in 2005 (I know – I feel shame about using a probably expired, not prescribed to me, inhaler. But it helps).

Yesterday I made telephone calls. First to the insurance company to initiate the process of changing my primary care doc. Next to the new doc to see if they have any appointments this week. (They don’t.) Next up: Find a minute-clinic and see if I can get a proper Albuterol Rx.

It’s all very sad and tragic over here, isn’t it?!

So I didn’t hike. OBVS. Why would I have posted about it, without the express knowledge that some minor roadblock would certainly derail my plans?? That’s what ALWAYS seems to happen. It's like the universe Reads Blogs. However, my coworker and I did our 15-minute walking video, which helped clear my head, and then after putting the kids to bed I did my slated-for-Tuesday yoga. It also helped a bit. I will have to hike Thursday and Friday this week, but dangit, I am HIKING.

P.S. Camping went well. AJ is one of only 2 kids in his Den who braved the cold and received a Polar Bear patch – for those who camp overnight in less than 27-degree weather. (!!!) They were tired and smelled of campfire when they got home, but full of memories.

Hiking and Camping

Last week I made a Health Kick decision adjustment goal wish. It was based on the fact that my husband has been so successful this year, working out FAITHFULLY at least 3 days a week at his gym. He has, in 11 months, shaped up and done good things for his heart and his muscles, and I’m really, really proud of him. I want that kind of consistency for myself, SO BADLY. So I decided that I need to do things that I ENJOY, otherwise I won’t stick to them.

You know what I enjoy? Hiking. I mean, I haven’t ever done a LOT of hiking, but I’ve always preferred to take my walks on some sort of nature trail, rather than on the streets of my boring ol’ subdivision. And there’s a mountain right near here. I mean, RIGHT near – less than 7 minutes’ drive from work and home. So Monday, at my lunch break, I went to the mountain. I was wearing work clothes (not fancy ones, just khakis and a long-sleeved t-shirt) but I put on my walking shoes in the parking lot and began my trek. And it. Was. Awesome. Just adding an incline to my 20-minute walk boosted my energy and my heart so much! I was somehow surprised by that. I went very slowly, but the blood was pumping. And the view was lovely, of course, and it was a beautiful day.

So I put in my calendar to do this on Mondays and Fridays, at lunch. I don’t want to jinx it by declaring all the working out I’m going! To! Do! But… I’m planning for Tuesdays and Wednesdays to be yoga days after dinner, because the other thing I enjoy? Yoga. And it's not so strenuous. I should, in fact, think of it as RELAXING time. Thursdays = choir practice, which is a workout in itself. And one day of the weekend, I want to get up early and do a kickboxing video, because I liked kickboxing, too, back in the day. (I think my only video is a VHS, however. Hm. Might have to remedy that first.)

Anyway, hiking! Today!

The boys’ camping trip looms. Yesterday DH and I became Lifetime Members of REI during our lunch break. Ha! We are definitely not REI-types. But we needed to rent some Varsity-level sleeping bags for them, and that was the cheaper way to do it. Temps are predicted to be in the 20s where they’re going. It may snow. Ay-yi-yi. I’m praying for them to have fun and not be miserably chattering their teeth. I made sure to also buy thermal underwear and new gloves for AJ. They leave at 8 am tomorrow morning, and return on Sunday at noon.

Menu-Plan.. Tuesday

My darling husband did the shopping Sunday for me, based on this list. I love him so. Getting a break from my weekly Publix, as much as I do love Publix, was a very welcome gift.


Monday: Brinner! Breakfast for Dinner, for those of you who didn't watch Scrubs when it was funny. Pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. *hallelujah chorus*


Tuesday: chicken nuggets (over salad for me). Corn or green beans on the side.


Wednesday: pizza and salad


Thursday: Chili, mmm. Served with saltines.


Friday: Crock-pot Buffalo Lasagna, courtesy of the Fabulous Stephanie O'Dea. Tried this recipe out a year ago (or more), and it was a hit.


Saturday: Who knows, because KT and I are having Girls' Night! Daddy and AJ will be on their 1st Cub Scout camping trip if all goes as planned, and I predict Beauty and the Beast will be on our TV while they're gone! Perhaps some nail polishing activities will take place. :)

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Anyone keep an Advent calendar? I like the idea of the pretty ones from Pottery Barn and C&B, with the little drawers, but what in the world do you put in the drawers, if not candy? I also want a way to make it Advent and not Christimas, i.e., relative to the Church season. I suppose I need to go online but thought I'd ask you smart people first.

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I volunteered to sing today at the noon Mass for All Souls' Day. Why did I do that? I don't have time to do that. I mean, I'm perfectly happy to tkae a 1.5-hour lunch, but ...sigh. Department of "Can't Say No."

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Another project on my list is to take a whole bunch of clothes to this kids' consignment place nearby. I SO want to do that, but it will involve a full day's worth of organizing and laundering first, I think. Argh. However: They pay cash and I have some CUTE stuff worth selling. These Difficult Economic Times... anyone else do consignment sales?

Important Shift re: Working

Honestly, I could post all day on the topic of working moms. In fact, if WorkIt, Mom offered me a full-time job (that paid the bills), I would consider it heaven.

I found this comment from Moxie's post particularly fascinating, although it shouldn't be a surprise, it's not NEWS, really. Our modern-day version of SAHM-dom is a totally new concept. I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I think it's true, the idea that we can run a household all by ourselves, be directly involved with our kids in scheduled, engaging activities, pursue our own interests on the side, etc., is distinctly different from the way our grandmothers did it (i.e., with help). My fascination with the evolution of feminism and the economy continues. If I were very smart (and not working, ha), I'd write something intellectual about it with sources and citations and theories.

I often talk about my Mom being a SAHM. Well, I need to clarify that. She was a SAHM when we were infants and toddlers, but went to work as a teacher the very DAY my little sister started Kindergarten, and worked all the way through until she just recently retired at age mumblemumble. I want to give her ALL the props she deserves for raising two productive members of society as a WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME Mom! Shout it from the mountaintops! She was a role model to me in that way, though I'm only just now realizing it. She went to graduate school, and so higher education and a career were just something I assumed would be part of my life, and they now are. (Well, not a master's degree, but a career anyway.) And her income was significant to our family operation, as is mine. Thank you, Mom! Also: Solidarity!

As my babies grow up and I move away from that often painful, biological desire to be with them every minute of the day, I'm coming to an end of my jealousy toward the moms who stay at home. (Which was always tempered with, "I don't know if I could even handle that, myself.") I'll never get the time back, I guess, but it's easier to reconcile at this point than it was when my parenthood journey began. I'm grateful as ever for that emotional shift.

It's almost comical to talk about whether or not daycare babies will be affected -- of course they're going to thrive. We had AJ's first grade parent-teacher conference last week. Um... I don't want to brag, but... he seems to be turning out just fine. According to the report and the "results" we're getting so far, I wouldn't change a single thing. ;)

I love this from Ask Moxie

I'm not having working mom angst lately, but it pops up perennially for me, and I think for nearly every mom who kisses her babies goodbye on weekday mornings during their toddler years.

Her response to a new WOHM was awesome:

From "Guilt guilt guilt:"

Being a mom hurts in all sorts of ways, big and small, transitory and lasting, and from all sorts of things, doesn't it?

Before we go any further: You are not damaging your son by working. He will thrive,
because you are his mother and you come home to him every day.

I wish that we all had jobs we loved and feel are worthy of our time, but earning the money to support our families is honorable and right. You are a good mom. You were a good mom when you were home with him, and now you're a good mom because you work.

With Bruises on Both Knees

So far, what I know about the Cub Scouts is that it’s very loud and the kids have plenty of time to chase each other around the school cafeteria. That’s the basic gist of the Pack meetings I have attended thus far. They do try to use that “2 fingers in the air” trick to quiet the boys down, but it does nothing, I’m afraid, to quiet the talkative parents, and that is a shame.

I’ve always thought that trick was pretty ingenious, myself. I’m a shusher, admittedly. Sometimes I kind-of horrify myself because I’ll shush a group of adults as if they’re children (in the choir loft before Mass starts, for example). But my goodness, people, SHHHH! There are microphones, and no choir needs to be heard as they gossip about the parishioners or chatter about yesterday’s college football games! Yi-yi-yi. Shh. As soon as I do it, I’m embarrassed for being the goody-goody, but on the other hand… *two fingers in the air*

Anyway, the Cub Scouts. Last night was their Halloween party, so they were extra excited. Costumed kids – I saw a Billy Idol, a Shaun White, several white-masked, black-hooded ghouls and the 6-year-old store-bought superheroes -- played some toss-the-ghost-into-the-pumpkin games for candy and pencil prizes. It was like, the best night of their LIVES. (No, I take that back: the first meeting, when they “built” “rockets” out of construction paper and then LAUNCHED them into the night sky with one of those air pedal thingys – THAT was probably the best night of their lives. But this was a close second.)

In other words, Cub Scouts is going exactly as it should be. :) Boys, snips, snails, etc. The first camping trip coming up in two weeks. I am incurably romantic about the boy-and-his-father bond, relative to scouting. The dads who are den leaders just warm my heart, wearing their uniforms and saluting with the boys as they introduce and then retire The Colors. Lovvvvvve. Respect and Good Citizenship: I am FOR. I am very eager for DH and AJ to share this overnight experience. I hope it will be fun for both of them, and I’m mildly jealous that I can’t be a fly on the tent wall, but I imagine AJ being nervous when he hears the nighttime noises of the forest, and DH being the strong, calming presence. I also imagine there will be some silly camping antics, throwing of rocks into the fire, the requisite lesson on peeing in the bushes, and all that other boy stuff.

It starts with blue blankets, then dinosaurs and trains, and then progresses to this stage, and I don't know if it's just all so NEW for me, as a girl who grew up without any brothers, but I still just really love having a little boy.

Two links you've got to see

In case you've missed this, clickclickclick right now! So funny:

http://mompetition.blogspot.com/2010/09/why-i-cant-make-mom-friends.html

And from the comments on that video, a about being a "good enough" parent (AMEN):

http://www.informedparent.com/article.html?thegoodenoughparent

Sad, sad tragical people

Yesterday AJ and I were a couple of sad sacks at the monthly skating party his school puts on. Neither one of us had any friends to play with. There were plenty of girls from his class, but none of the boys he plays with – in fact, only one other boy from his class at all. So he bumbled around the indoor-jungle-gym area, climbing up and sliding down kind-of aimlessly, and coming over to sip on his drink at my table more often than he normally would. I felt sorry for him.

I would have felt sorry for myself, too, at the table all alone, except that I had my Kindle app and a new book to read. But the other moms were definitely cliqued up, in an “our girls have already spent the night together” way. They’ve bonded since we all started Kindergarten last year. For one thing, Daisy Scouts starts in Kindergarten whereas Cub Scouts doesn’t start until First Grade for the boys, so they’re a year up on us in extra-curriculars. Whatever. They were perfectly nice, just didn't make much effort toward me. But it was no big deal – as I said, I had a book to read and bought myself a carby soft pretzel. No good socializing, but a fine way to get some “quiet” me-time while the music played loud and the crazy lights created my backdrop. AJ managed to get some exercise, I guess, and did play with the girls as much as he could stand. But when we left, he was definitely bummed out.

And then KT. She is a JOY when you pick her up from school – telling you all about her day, talk-talk-talking, asking for gum (her new favorite thing).... But the minute she comes in the house and sees me (DH picks her up most days), she morphs into the whiniest, want-i-est pitiful baby. Nothing to say about it, I suppose – she’s two – but man, does it make me weary. I cringe when I think of how little I am able to SMILE when she’s like that. I get that weary sound in my voice, and I act like it's a chore to DEAL WITH IT, which it IS. That usually bleeds over into AJ’s mood, too, and then no one in the entire FAMILY is able to smile. And forget about doing fun projects after dinner, or about anyone having dessert – when the kids are whiny and we’re directorial, they clearly won’t want to eat their dinner or behave at the table. And somehow I can't *brisk clap!* and shake it off and get everyone to about-face back to Happy (Dammit)!

Seriously, my one great wish, even if it were just for the weekends, is that we could do something fun, something together, that makes us laugh and just ENJOY each other for goshsakes.

Do you have any suggestions that aren't "Go out for ice cream?"

Things that didn't take

We didn't make it to the apple orchard; our friend who planned the outing got sick and bailed. It was too hot, anyway -- not very fall-like -- and I found out later that our neighbors went apple picking the same day... so then I was glad. I would not really have wanted to run into them. Shame on me, but we see them nearly every day.

We're in another night-waking phase with KT. I'm sure it's teeth. It's always teeth. And I have seen some little molars in the back of her mouth, poor thing. She wakes up and wants to come into our bed. Uh... no. Sorry. Co-sleeping doesn't work for us. For one thing, we have a queen-sized mattress. We've brought her in a couple of times and it has usually been a mistake. (Despite that one tender moment when she patted my cheek.) So we cover her back up, doze in her rocking chair for a few minutes, leave her door open as requested, and cross our fingers on the way back to bed. I've never had trouble falling back to sleep after these episodes, until now. It's at least half an hour these days. And last night, I had some song in my head -- one of the kids' songs -- and THAT was annoying. And then I had the weirdest dreams about random people from my high school years. (Some of whom I couldn't find on Facebook this morning -- because of course, after dreaming about them, I had to look! Who isn't on FB?? ComeON.)

South Beach Diet didn't really take. A person can only go so long without a carb at breakfast -- and I'm not talking about a whole-grain healthy starch. I'm talking about a CARB. A delicious, white-bread fattening carb, preferrably with some cheese and bacon or butter and jelly. Mmmmm. I'm still going to TRY -- Canadian bacon with lo-fat cheese and V8 this morning, but I'm extremely bored with it. NOT to mention, it's about to be Gumbo season (serve over rice). I'm ready to pick a weekend to make a big pot of it.

Of course, THAT won't take with the kids. How do you get little kids to like Gumbo? It has okra and is spicy; I'm sure it'll be a no-go. But somehow all of us kids with Cajun heritage learn to love it... Maybe get them interested in the fun of dipping French bread in the broth? Hrm. A challenge for me in the years to come.

1. excited to be on the 1st grade Halloween party committee
2. Godiva coffee
3. time to plan holiday vacation days!
4. happy to continually be carried through these days
5. grateful for my loving, little kisses marriage

7 Quick-Takes Blessings to Count

It's your lucky day -- I have not 5... not 6... but 7 things for which I'm grateful. :)

1. Fri-hi-hi-hi-day. THANKFUL is not all-caps enough to explain how happy I am that THIS work-week is over. It wasn't hard or terrible, just full. Yesterday and today, especially, we've been hosting a consultant in my department. He is easygoing and very nice, and the meetings aren't hard -- they're just talking! -- but it's no fun to have to be ON a full 8 hours.

2. 8:30 am T-ball practice tomorrow. I know you're scratching your head -- she's thankful for this? -- but I am. I love the morning, and hardly ever get to be outdoors that early. I like the crisp air, the angle of the sun, wearing a hat, and most of all the dark cherry mocha that goes so well with it all.

3. Apple-picking. We're going to an apple orchard this Sunday for its fall festival, something I've wanted to do for YEARS but am too lazy to plan myself. So thank goodness for friends who are resourceful about those kinds of things. They suggested it, and I'm jumping on-board. Very excited -- they have a petting zoo, bobbing for apples, a tractor-pulled "hayride," and... the best part... a "Moonshine Museum," whatever that is!

4. Anyone watch "The Office?" last night? I'm very grateful for funny television. I laughed out loud several times, cringed a few others -- it was a very entertaining episode with a musical theater performance, to boot! Sometimes a good laugh is very good medicine after a long day.

5. Grateful for music, even when it's hard. Choir practice kicks my butt most of the time, and definitely did last night. It's physically demanding, and mentally even moreso. I'm not so grateful for the pitch problems in our particular choir, but as our director put it, it improves our prayer life, in order that we get through it! Ha! What a... gift. But really... music is sometimes just amazing. 16th-century harmonies? Can't beat that for beauty. I read this about music recently -- it is long, but very worth it.

6. I am so, so grateful for every hug, smile, and kiss that I receive from my husband and sweet kids. They are my whole reason for everything.

7. The little blessings of working for a good company. Free lunch today, early "dismissal" on Fridays, kindness and goodness of our people, especially regarding one employee in need right now, and the blessing of doing good work that actually means something to people. All that really helps when I'm feeling whiny about the daily grind of databases and proposals and content plans and blah-blah.

XOXO, Sweetsies.

More quick takes here.

Mind you...

To clarify: I am not feeling especially stressed this week. But I find it funny that when I clock in at work, especially on Mondays, it takes a long while before I transition the mind from home-manager to work-manager. If it ever transitions at all.

We turned the heat on last night. Yay! Fall! However, my eyes are suffering the effects of the dry air being pumped in (even though they were closed the majority of the time it was on). They don't want to be open AT ALL this morning. My babies were sleepy, too -- our T-ball game lasted longer than we thought it would, and then a lot of us gathered at the Dairy Queen for ice cream slash dinner. It was such fun -- all the kids, including little KT, the only girl among those big, rowdy boys, gathered in one big circular booth. Us parents hovered in booths nearby. There was talk about our end-of-season party (hooray, it's almost end-of-season!). There were Dilly Bars! (KT ate nothing but sugar last night. Some applesauce, Skittles at the game -- I was the Mom corrupting all the other toddler siblings, and I could feel the dirty looks coming my way, as other kids whined that they wanted some Skittles toooooo! WHOOPS -- ketchup, and ice cream.) I think it was a memory-making moment for the kids. :) And well worth it.

But we got home late. I told DH we would have broccoli smoothies for dinner tonight, by gosh, and the kids will be in bed early. And on we go.... !


1. cool weather, enough for a jacket
2. small pleasures, like Skittles :)
3. AJ played so well - it's fun to be proud of your kid working hard
4. a warm home and bed to go to sleep in
5. a job to come to in the morning.

As expected, October:

Today is the Blessing of the Pets at AJ’s school. It’s at 2:30. I wish I could go. I remember when my elementary school had Blessing of the Pets. Luckily, AJ’s school lets kids bring a photo of their pet. So that will suffice. I grabbed one off the fridge this morning on the way out the door. I hope there are lots of other kids with photos in lieu of actual animals.

Tee-ball tonight. I hope AJ’s uniform isn’t balled up at the bottom of his hamper. Six o’clock game, so it’s another fast-food dinner. Dislike. I’m going to attempt Subway. (That way at least I get some vegetables.) Thank goodness it’s a 6 o'clock game, so we can get home at a decent hour, and thank goodness we took baths last night. After they go to bed, I get to attach the patches onto AJ’s Cub Scout uniform. Nothing like leaving it until the last minute! I’ll be thinking of my Granny, who had to sew the patches on for her FOUR boys. Thank goodness for “Badge Magic.”

I have to remember to pay for “Fun Food” this week, as well as sending in a form to order ground coffee (they’re selling it to earn a portion of the cost for the school).

Friday, I’m helping with the school’s annual picnic by making a trip to Costco with another volunteer, to buy burgers and hot dogs and buns, and whatever else they ask us to buy. I’m told we’ll need two cars to transport all that food back to the school. Yipes.

What night can I make peanut butter chicken? What night do I need to do KT’s laundry? Are the kids going to get sick this week? (Please no.) AJ’s class had a streak of strep last week, and KT already has the sniffles and her signature cough. Please don’t let it get worse. Please don’t let the ½ tsp of Dimetapp be really bad for her, even though the label says “not for kids under 4.” Was DH’s sickness this weekend just a 24-hour thing, or part of his chronic thing? When do I have time to go shop for long-sleeved t-shirts and Halloween costumes? Maybe today at lunch? Thank you, God and reflexology, for my lovely (Mother’s Day) massage yesterday.

These are the things I’m juggling in my brain this morning, trying to sort out. (Not the eleventy-umpteen things I have on my To-Do list at work – 7 new articles to post, new lists to compile, a new system to learn, a big contest to launch, 4 traffic reports to construct, some headlines to compose -- although those things probably need to be given some thought. At some point.)

1. massage
2. massage
3. choir sang a capella at Mass yesterday, and we didn't sound abyssmal
4. massage
5. beautiful Fall weather

Yes, I really am going to bore you with this

1. I'm thankful for the sweet, hot goodness of coffee every morning.

2. Thankful that the rain stopped just enough this morning that I didn't get wet walking to the front door of the office.

3. Thankful for job security, even though it means I have SO MUCH CRAP TO DO, more than 1 job's worth.

4. So, so thankful for my girlfriends. THey let me say what I feel, they dont mind if I say something that I later feel was really stupid-sounding, and wow, can they cook.

5. So, so thankful for my husband. He did bathtime and bedtime duty last night, and will again tonight, so that I can do things I love like Book Club and choir. I love you, DH, and you get the night off Friday, PLUS a glass of wine.

Survivor Story

I’m compelled to share: My 6 year-old son NOW EATS BROCCOLI. Steamed. With a shake of salt and pepper, and nothing else.

He even LIKES it. Willingly finishes his entire serving.

I would not kid about this. It’s meant as a little life-preserver of HOPE for all you mommies of 2 and 3 year-olds (or 6s or 7s) who refuse to eat anything, especially anything good for them. He was once like that.

Steamed broccoli, people. For the Win!!!!

(We started with the frozen-in-cheesy-sauce variety. It appears to have worked.)

Cheesy (but Helpful) Gratitude Lists

I was bogged down yesterday by a crummy mood (don't you love the word 'crummy?' it's so innocent). I drove home at lunch to eat peanut butter and jelly on squishy white bread -- for some reason it was the comfort food I craved in that moment. (With Cheeze Its and a Diet Coke w/lime.) After I ate, I curled up in a blanket on the couch for 20 minutes. It helped a bit. I wasn't tired, but I needed that "power-down" time.

Anyway, I'm writing something for work that reminded me: I want to start recording my 5 things again. I know it's cliche, but I believe that it works to change bad attitudes. So, here goes. I'm grateful...

1. for working close to home when I need a break like yesterday
2. for the rain!! we have needed it, and it made things seem cozy
3. for cooler temperatures. Such a relief after the unrelenting heat.
4. for working in an air conditioned office, even during unrelenting heat (thank goodness)
5. for my amazing Mom whose birthday was yesterday! ya-ya-ma! I'm so thankful to have her in my life.

Of sighs and whispers

I’ve been trying, at least this week-ish, to be more fully present in the moments, especially the ones with the kids. I know I mentioned particularly that on Thursdays I only get to be with them for a couple of hours total, all day. I need to stop reminding myself of this because when I type “couple” it makes a stabbing pain right in my heart. But that’s not the point, the point is the Moments. Whether we’re reading or playing, or looking at pictures on the iPhone, I’m just wanting so much to enjoy them and be my best self during them.

It’s getting harder with AJ because one, he’s a jumping, squirming, knees and elbows and head-butting wonderful boy. When he tries to climb up on me for hugs and cuddles I have to watch out for my spleen. And he always manages to grind his kneecap into my femur. But he’s still up for hugs and cuddles so I try not to complain. And two, his playtime is so complicated now. He asked me yesterday to please play Jack and Annie with him. So I tried to be Annie, but I don’t remember these books word for word, and he apparently does. He gets mad when I try to use my imagination and say, “Ooh, Jack, here’s a BUG! Maybe Merlin needs it?”

“MOOOMMM, there wasn’t a BUG in book nine hundred and eleven, [siggghhh].” Or else it's a Bakugan battle, about which I only know, "Bakugan, STAND." And that's not nearly enough for him. ;)

But with KT, it’s a bit easier. She likes to lay on the bed together, nose to nose. Sometimes we giggle, sometimes we sing (current fave is Jesus Loves Me, which just sends sunshine through my veins), most times we pretend-bite each other’s necks, and get each other’s sugar, and play with each other’s hair. It’s delectable.

And last night – she’s been waking up in the middle of the night again, either from some molars coming in, or just because she thinks it’s fun – we lay in the dark, trying to wish sleep’s heavy return (at least I was). Everything’s hazy and in whispers but I do know that she, at one point, brushed my hair back from my face, like I do for her when I lay her down every night, and patted me on the shoulder with her soft little fingers. And that pat... wow, do I ever treasure sweet moments like those.

Balanced

I’ve been reading Linda’s latest news with great interest, having always identified with her in certain ways. One, because I found her when her oldest son was first-born, and my own AJ was 1 year old. Two, because she also had a long commute, and was (is) a working mom. Six years ago, I, too, was driving more than 40 minutes to and from a job that was less-than-fulfilling (but had wonderful people!). So I stayed there and stayed there until circumstances finally combined in the right way that I could leave.

Linda has taken the leap that so many of us bloggers think about from time to time to a freelance writer working full-time from home, staying with her kids. I am so thrilled for her. If anyone deserves writing success, it’s her. Naturally part of me is a smidge jealous, but a MUCH smaller percentage than would have been, 2 years ago. Her announcement has made me feel proud, actually, that I have also taken steps to remedy what was a somewhat "soul-sucking" situation.

1. I now have a much more pleasant 7-mile commute. My office is located in the same suburb as my home and my kids’ schools, the way God intended.

2. I made it clear when I was hired here that I was not available for travel, and I asked multiple times if my position required it – the answer was always “No” from the particular manager who hired me. (It still comes up from time to time with other managers, but I’m trying very hard to stick to my guns about it.)

3. We’re rocking flex-time. It’s not perfect by any means. Thursdays have become especially long now that I’ve rejoined the choir: I’m out my door at 6:15am and not home for good until 9:15pm, and that means I only see KT for about an hour and a half total on Thursdays. But overall the plan works. I’m able to pick up AJ, do homework, get dinner started, and sometimes even more in the afternoons.

What I'm saying is, I’m happier with my work-life balance than I have been in a long time. Not that I’m finished complaining about it all -- I agree with Linda that the system is so flawed -- our need/greed for THINGS with accelerated growing costs, like expensive higher education, expensive homes, and all the other trappings that have us trapped. I also have this odd desire to tell my daughter, someday, to consider becoming a nurse or a teacher, because those 2 jobs seem, to me, to offer the best working hours options for moms -- now isn’t that backward? The only jobs women were "allowed" to do for so long. Feminism, whah? But maybe that is finally starting to change. Maybe a Mom can successfully be a full-time writer/editor/marketing-office-worker, on her own scheduling terms, and enjoy both of her jobs.

I have to hope so.

Temper Tantrum

I had a bad afternoon/evening of whining kids and obnoxious kids -- kids who were off their routine specifically because I dragged them off to the mountains for a weekend with MY friends, during which I didn't get nearly enough sleep in order to HAVE FUN andstay up late and drink wine and ENJOY myself.

So last night after one of those, "Child, do NOT do That Thing one more time, do you hear me? Keep your hands to yourself and I mean it!!"

"That thing. [hands flailing]"

I yelled in the WORST way and was a raving lunatic right there in front of both kids' faces. Their voices became very small and their movements hesitant. After kissing them mightily to bed, I gave myself a Time Out in the hot shower, and I cried. I dealt with the parenting shame spiral until my own bedtime, and was so grateful to be given another chance to do better this morning. So, so grateful. I pray I'll do better.

I just wish I could learn this most difficult lesson, once and for all. But I don't think it works that way.

Notes for 2019, when I finally get to the Baby Book

KT has dimples on the backs of both shoulders. They are adorable, and barely noticeable except in summer when she’s wearing sleeveless shirts. I want to remember those. I should take a picture.

(I don’t remember if AJ had any particular dimples. sad face)

KT also has one teeny, tiny freckle on her right hand. She LOVES that freckle. I, myself, have a whole armful of freckles, and so she has asked where hers are. I remember when she found this little itsy speck of a freckle during a bedtime story in the rocking chair, she was so happy. She sometimes forgets what it’s called, and tells me it’s her “sprinkle.”

It must be about time to remove the rails on her crib to make a toddler bed. At 2 and a half, most mornings she wakes up laying perpendicular, with her feet hanging out through the slats. Hee hee.

She asks for chocolate milk (warm) the minute she wakes up, and the minute she gets home from daycare. Sometimes forgets to HUG MAMA, so focused is she on that chocolate milk. Lately I’ve been using sugar-free chocolate syrup.

She eats more than Craisins and ketchup these days, but not much more. Hot dogs, French fries, cheese pizza (no pepperoni!), oatmeal, corn and yogurt are her favorites. And obviously ice cream and cookies. Did I ever tell you she opens her Oreos? She was never shown to do that – came up with it by INSTINCT – and she only eats what she calls the “cream.” She leaves the apple peels, but eats the ‘meat’ on apples. Still No on PBJ and mac-n-cheese. Both kids have been slow learners on those 2 favorites.

Dora is her favorite right now. Loves to read it and watch it on TV. (I hated Dora when AJ was a toddler, but have been surprisingly glad to have “Bate, bate, Choc-o-late!” back in our lives.) She received a big Dora story book earlier this summer, and it’s all she has wanted to read. I’m so sick of “Little Star” that I actually sort-of miss Elmo’s Get Up and Go Songs.

In TV-land, we had to correct a mistake we’d made in letting her brother (and therefore, her) watch iCarly. She spent a couple of weeks requesting it. “iCawly, Mommy? iCawly on?” Cute, but definitely inappropriate for a 2-year old. And a 6-year old. Parental controls to the rescue.

Some of her best words/phrases right now:
“Yes, I m’am.” Means “Yes, I am,” usually said in opposition to whatever I’m telling her. “KT, you are not looking at your toes, are you?” “YES, I M’AM.” (Oh, yes, she loves to inspect her toes for “dirt.” She will do this for 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes it’s handy – keeps her quiet! But it’s weird.)

“So much.” She misplaces this in sentences, like, “Mommy, I so much didn’t get Dora wet all day today.”

“M-M-Ms.” You know it’s a keeper when it changes the way your whole family refers to an object. M&Ms are now M-M-Ms at our house, just like “Loo-Loos” from AJ’s babyhood, and the nickname of our dog, from my cousin’s baby Anna.

“I’m leaving yooo...” When she wants me to go somewhere and I don’t immediately follow her. I think I accidentally taught her this one. Heh.

“Walkie-walkie.” I have to report on this for the baby book, although the phase has mostly passed. In June during our beach vacation, my Dad’s cousin Bill, a grandpa himself many times over, teased KT by pretending he had something in his pocket. He’d take his hand out to reveal...his “walkie-walkie.” By which means he’d “walk” his fingers over to tickle... and DELIGHT her. She adored the walkie-walkie, and therefore Bill, and the whole family picked it up. We still sometimes bring out our own walkie-walkies when we’re coaxing a smile out of her, and SHE likes to do it to us, too.

MY KID IS THE CUTEST ONE. ;)