Wish I may, wish I might

First of all, I wish I had the time to really write more, and I don't just mean my usual drivel, but I mean a good, solid, well-thought-out entry about something I care deeply about. Or a really impressive Blogging For Books entry. I feel like I'm squeezing time in for the blog between work stuff and of course, life stuff. What I'd do if I had my druthers would be to have a list of posts I'm working on, and come back to each one several times and get it right, and feel great about it. But that does not seem likely as I can barely start one before some other committment calls.

I also wish I would quit whining about my lack of time. There are 24 hours, that is that, I can't change it or fix it, so why am I so consumed by it? I apologize to you, my readers, for this constant grumbling. I resolve to do better. :)

Yesterday on the way home, I was driving next to this little old beat up Corolla, which caught my eye as I, too, own a Corolla (DH drives it), and it has a special place in my heart. It's My Little Car. My "Crayola," as Dad called it. Anyway, I peered into the window to see who was driving (I'm nosy like that -- always want to know more about the car next to me than its color and style -- and this way, in theory at least, if said car cuts in front of me, I can put a face to it and not just glare hatefully... of course it works the other way, too, if I get cut off before I see who the driver is, I glare in direct hateful proportion once I do see them). The driver was a little nun. I say "little" nun out of great respect, mind you. She looked about my age, was wearing a veil, and had a rosary hanging from the mirror and a little gold crucifix on her dashboard. And I got to thinking, what a nice life that might be. It was almost, "I wish I were a nun..." but not quite. More like I wish I had some of the benefits that go with it. I bet you didn't know there were benefits. ;)

I wonder why I never ever considered nun-dom seriously when I was at the "what to do with my life" stage. One might say it's not such an attractive option, what with the vow of poverty and all. But.... when I think about it now... with all this LIFE EXPERIENCE behind me -- it sure would be nice to have just a little bit of the poverty, by choice. Poverty's okay in a small dose, if it's by choice (and if the parish is paying for your meals and housing). If I were a nun, I wouldn't own a home, and therefore wouldn't have to worry about the fact that new siding is going to cost us $AnEnormousSum.95. I wouldn't have to care that the house will never sell without the new siding. No one has to sell their own convent and hope to make a profit! They just "live in community" within it, and let Someone Else handle the details. Quelle Bliss!

I would also sorta like to try my hand at teaching, but am not at all interested, right now, in changing my career direction and going back to school (especially not as I listen to my friend who's in grad school talk about all the crap she has to do). But if I were a nun, I'd have known teaching was in my future, and I'd have taken Education courses to prepare for it. And I'd be Expected to teach. So it'd have been an easy choice. (Of course, one of the reasons I wish to be a teacher is for their nice hours and to be with my kids while they're in school -- and that obviously wouldn't apply if I were a nun. But they still get summer vacation... they just don't get to wear their swimsuit at the beach for a week. Whoa, I'm derailing here...)

And oh, the wish for time to spend in prayer and contemplation! Those nuns probably get up early to do it, but having a Mass or chapel gathering at least a couple times a day -- right in your own house? -- that wouldn't be such a bad deal. (Plus, I am now GOOD AT getting up early! 4 days in a row, people, 5:30 am!!) I'd know the Bible backwards and forwards, and I'd know prayers and even know (better) how to listen for God in the silence. I'm not talking about being a cloistered nun, but I have to say, a silent retreat or two would probably do me a world of good, too. As long as I'm imagining this nun-life. I was even thinking, as I drove past her, "I bet she's praying right now, in the solitude of her car." And I've tried to do that, but it's not easy. I bet nuns are much better at it. Their Job is to pray, after all. It would feel like such a "sisterhood," the bond with all the other nuns. There aren't that many these days, you know. So we'd be rare and interesting -- and I can tell you, among Catholics, they're always held in pretty high regard, especially since there are so few. It's like seeing Santa Claus -- you don't get to very often, so when you do, it's special. Kids are in awe of 'em, parents remember having them as teachers, and the priests rely on them to help run the schools and churches. It might actually be fun to be Sister Mary Lee Cecelia Felicity Perpetua.

It goes without saying how much I'd be missing, of course, without my wonderful husband, and my days as a Wife and a Mother. I'd never give that up now. I truly love my life (siding issues notwithstanding). But it's interesting to imagine it. I do hope young girls out there are considering it for their lives. I'd hate to lose the nuns altogether. I have a cousin-in-law who really did consider it. Prayed about it. And chose marriage and motherhood, in the end. I think it's wonderful she was even that close to it, though.