Plus! Bullet points!
-- First off, my dreams last night were choppy and annoying because I KEPT waking up uncomfortably, tossing and turning. No idea why, but I had a song in my head from last night's choir practice that WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't even LIKE this song. But WOW, does it like my head. Every time I woke up it was repeating. Anyway, I dreamed that each line in the song was a rock or landmark on this giant 3D map I was looking at. I kept walking around the map -- IN the map, really -- but all there were, were rocks. And lines from the song. Argh. It had me so irritated! Right before I woke up, that nonsense drifted away, thank god, and I was dreaming that I went to the TMBG concert with my friend Cantus, but it was actually U2 performing TMBG. We were in a lobby, sitting around a table waiting for the show to begin, when in walked (the 1979 skinny, short-haired) Bono and started telling us how he first met John and John. I remember I also had a little blue camera and was very intent on not losing it. (But not so much on TAKING A PICTURE WITH BONO, Duh!!) Possible meanings? Well, my book says a map is about finding direction in your life, and that rocks/boulders are about things that are in your way. "Striving for something higher, but it is not going to be easy." And a camera means I need to look at something objectively, through the lens, so to speak. And Freud says it's a phallic symbol. (Welcome, pervy Googlers!)
Also, the non-sleeping was partly due to the fact that I'm STILL not getting my exercise and was likely a direct message from GOD saying, "GIRL! Heart disease and high cholesterol are a lot worse than tossing and turning, so GET ON IT, and now. You will sleep better."
-- Let's talk about sororities. Now, if you grew up in roughly the same time frame I did, I know you're saying to yourself, "Deltadeltadelta can I helpyahelpyahelpya?" from the SNL skit which gave us sorority girls quite the ditzy reputation. Not to mention Animal House. Even without the bad press from TV and movies, many people see the sorority is a very non-inclusive, non-PC, cliquey sort of an organization. And yeah, there are some ugly parts about it, when illegal hazing happens or unnecessary unkindness. HOWEVER, I pledged a sorority when I was a college freshman, and have never been sorry I did. When you get inside them, they're really about Including new people. And welcoming. I made friends then, I've made even better friends SINCE as an alumna, and then just yesterday I found out that one of my very favorite bloggy buddies is also a "sisterinthebonds." I've always wanted this to happen in real life -- I meet a girl I like and find out (by testing her with the secret handshake, of course) that she's a Delta Gamma. But it hasn't ever, IRL. Except that blogging is real. And friendships are real, no matter how you come by them. :) So I am quite excited. Don't get me wrong, I know sororities aren't all iced tea and ponytails. (Or maybe they are, and that's the problem!) I'm even willing to laugh about the stereotype "sorority girl" with whoever wants to. But know this: after we laugh, I'll tell you what I LIKE about being in a sorority (fraternity, if we're getting official), and this is a prime example. :)
-- Last night, I was going to quit the church choir. I WAS. But seeing as how we only have 3 weeks until we break for summer, and seeing as how I'm only scheduled to cantor TWICE the entire summer, I think I can stick it out 'til August, and then quietly, simply not return. Instead of having to break it off unexpectedly here, before it's finished. Rehearsal was even kinda fun. (Dammit.)
-- Someone please tell me again that AJ and his Daddy are going to grow to be friends. Last night's report was that AJ screamed after dinner, through his whole bath, after his bath, and every moment I was at choir. Evidently he didn't specify "No DA-DA," like he sometimes does when I say, "Want to go sit with Daddy?" -- but I still worry. He's very much Mama's boy, and has been since the beginning. Infanthood was hard on DH. It surprised him, that it was as hard as it was. (Colicky baby.) I worry that eventually he'll lose his desire to keep trying with AJ, that he'll just resign himself to the (incorrect) idea that AJ doesn't like him.... and that they'll have a relationship like DH does with his own father. :( It's not a terrible one, they're just not at all close. I'm afraid that someday I'll have to say, "AJ and his dad have had a rocky relationship since the day he was born." What can I do to help them?
Or maybe it's just teething?
6 comments:
DH and our firstborn got off to a rocky start too. She was also colicky and as she got bigger she became more and more wrapped up in mama. In fact, one of her first full sentences was "No want a Daddy." But they got closer as she got older and now she is quite the Daddy's girl. It will get better with time.
And on a completely unrelated note:
"For I know that they know that they know that I know the best is DG!" Now that's going to be stuck in my head all day.
Awww! That's so sad! "No want a daddy." :( Thanks for the encouragement.
I've been reading about this because it's a fear of mine -- husband not being interested in baby. Everything I read says it is much harder for fathers to bond and the best thing you can do is to leave them alone together sometimes. Sounds like you are doing the right thing.
Hi sweetie. You know what I'm going to say, right?
Step out of the house and return in five days.
The only thing that will bond AJ and your hubby is what bonded AJ and you, time. Time time time time time. Have daddy take a vacation from work and do EVERYTHING for AJ.
It's the best way to nip that mama's boy attitude in the bud. We have a boy down the street who's a mama's boy and it sucks. To watch and to be.
I'd fix it NOW and fix it with a decicive action like going on a single-person vacation for a while.
Meanwhile, in our house right now mama is mud and daddy rules the world. D'OH!
MissI: Yes, on the sororities comment. It's a shame that that's how it works out. And, just now while working out, I was seriously trying to talk myself into doing it at 5:30am tomorrow. And the next day. And so forth. We shall see.
KP: Five days would be a nice time period! DH does have a lot of vacation time he needs to use up. We're going to talk about this. What he needs to do is spend entire day(s) with AJ - and take him out for lunch, to the comic book store, whatever. When they do have time together, it's always at the house. Which is okay, but, variety! activities! would be good too.
I would suggest that they also need a few days in a row from sunup to sundown when they aren't sitting around waiting for their guy time to be over and mom to swoop in.
Not that you'd swoop out of anything but love, of course.
They need some time where if something goes wrong dad MUST figure out how to fix it, and if AJ bangs his knee there ain't nobody around but daddy to soothe.
It's tempting to send them off on a day at the ice cream store and call it good, but it's too easy for dad to avoid the nastier parts of parenting that way, it's too easy for AJ to consider it "time that is other than normal", and it's too easy for all of you to slip back into designated roles.
I wouldn't be so harsh, but the mama's boy down the street is really unpleasant to be around. I'm very pleased that when Wallace is pissed off at me he cries for his daddy and vice-versa. We aren't the same, but either of us will do when it comes to any and all things parenting. Wallace doesn't expect one of us to be the boss of anything, so both of us are acceptable.
Which is not to say we don't have habits, but we try to break them when we can.
See if you can get AJ and Dad to spend a protracted amount of time together. At LEAST 48 hours where dad is the only feeder, soother, lover, reader, player, and disciplinarian around.
It's good for them, I promise.
Wallace and his dad got some of that when I was in the hospital. Oops! No choice! It's always good for them to have a boy day - no girls allowed. Just like Wallace and I have mom and boy days - no dads.
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