Big strong man, swallowing his emotions

Yesterday, I bought AJ his first backpack. I had wanted to find one before Easter, but didn't manage it, so even though I told him, "We're not buying anything fun, just stuff we need," I broke my own rule. He was thrilled -- it's dark blue with a menacing Spiderman on the front of it.

When his Daddy came home, he showed AJ how to put the now-heavy backpack on his shoulders. AJ had filled it with every book he could find downstairs, and several issues of Sesame Street magazine. He could barely walk. But he did. Stood up as straight as he could, and, arms out for balance, slowly came toward me. "WOW, AJ, you are just like the big boys at school with that backpack!"

This morning after we got him dressed, he put it on again and clunked down the stairs with it bumping each step behind him as he went. "I look COOL with my backpack, isn't it, Mama?"

And then. We had been telling him he couldn't take all those books to school. I think there's some rule about no toys from home. I'm going to check with his teachers today, but we told him all morning he had to take the backpack off, just for today. When it came time to load up the car, he wailed. Two big crocodile tears trickled down his cheeks and I thought we were in for it -- another difficult drop-off. "Honey, we'll ask your teachers and maybe tomorrow, okay?" He considered, then repeated that last sentence. "I will ask my teachers." Then he took a deep breath and put down the backpack. "Maybe tomorrow if I want to take it to school, I can."

And that was that.