Grateful and lighter

First week of [whisper] Weight Watchers was a success; weigh-in was this morning. Well, done, Me! I resisted the cheese dip that is in my fridge (bought the week before I decided to do this). I resisted the Dove dark chocolate squares in my desk drawer at work. I had peanut butter on toast when I was hungry one night, instead of something stupid yummy mindless. It is indeed possible to succeed on a diet, you just have to eat less. Imagine that. I don't know, I feel good but also kinda dumb for not being able to realize this every other time before. Money talks, I guess.

Our weekend was nice, except for a bummer of a restaurant pick Friday night. We're still experimenting with our new location, you know? Bad news is, we haven't found anything amazing except the brunch place. This was a bar-type place. I had a salmon salad, supremely boring. I wanted wings with blue cheese. I did have one of Shawn's wings, and in fact it was too salty, hence the thumbs-down review. Does anyone care about this paragraph? No.

We went to Mass on Sunday morning -- my choir's first Mass of the school year. When I arrived, I stopped at the "time and talent" tables to say hi to a friend, then inside, I ran into my high school buddy, Alex, who lives in town and, lo and behold, attends our church. His last name and mine were right next to each other on all the rosters, so we frequently had lockers and homerooms together, all those years ago. What fun to see him. While talking to him, three different people came up behind me and wanted to say hi or share a hug. I felt FULL with friendship - just the way it's supposed to be. I love that. And then, after a dismal pre-game rehearsal that convinced me we were going to sing a whole step flat all morning, we pulled off an a cappella anthem, and ended it PERFECTLY in tune, in the right key. Amazing.

After that it was football-watching time, and a nail-biter for the Falcons! I mostly sat and enjoyed the game and my Diet Pepsi. Only had to attend to Kate once, really -- she and Alex played and watched Scooby Doo in the other room, occupied with other kids. Bliss! This coming Sunday the family who hosted is coming to our house -- our first non-family, actual party-attending guests! I'm making chili. I'm debating letting Kate have a girly friend over at the same time, since the football friends only have two teenage boys.

What more can we ask for? A relaxing weekend, time with friends and family, love of God displayed ...? Nothing! Well, maybe just a delicious place to eat dinner. ;)

September begins

It is no longer August, and this is a very good thing. August is my bugaboo. Deep in the heat of the southern summer, it drains all my energy. Or rather, seems to tamp it down into the very core of me, so that I feel suffocated and bothered by many things, like work and food and bad habits, and unable to think of anything else.

So, I'm relieved and happy for September 1. And I have new things to enjoy:

1. A new iPhone! I upgraded to the lowly 5S, which shall be obsolete and so-last-year by next week, when the 6 is released. I'm sure Shawn cringed to watch me NOT buy the 6, but my 4S was being a fuddy-duddy and wanted to be relieved of its daily duties. My new phone is shiny and white and that's one (really dumb) weight lifted off me. I can trust that I can download all the apps now that I have iOS7.
2. A new person at work. I've only met her twice via Skype (she sits in the UK), and she was very deer-in-the-headlights (welcome to A****na!), but maybe with this addition to my team, some of the 9-5 drama will be relieved. I'm hopeful.
3. A paid-for membership to Weight Watchers online. Sigh. It's time to put some money where my mouth is, and what an excellent metaphor that is. $56 for 3 months of mouth discipline, and I've already told a real-life friend so she and I can be buddies and keep each other accountable. On my own, I can buy all the right foods and TELL myself I'm going to eat them, in the right portions, but then we order pizza and 2 (okay, 3) slices later, I'm stupid-full again and I might as well eat ice cream with the kids, too. I'm looking at this with "when I was 40, I got healthy" eyes. Forty is a good reason. The first 5-pound loss is going to be rewarded with a new pair of shoes. I wouldn't say I'm excited about it, new shiny apps notwithstanding. It's a pain to track everything. But success will feel sweet and I can manage a little discomfort. I like most vegetables, after all. I can be mindful and not just eat whatever. I can give up the 13th through the 50th tortilla chips, and just have 12 instead.

Simple.

Last night while eating dinner and with both kids happy (parents too), Shawn asked Kate, "What can we do, to make morning-time easier for you?" I followed up with, "Yeah, what might be some suggestions for how to be happier while we get dressed and ready for school?"

She only had to think for a second, then said, "Maybe set my alarm? And play a CD?"

Simple.



It worked.

Living without intention?

[Monday] Sunday nights and Monday mornings make me feel like I'm not living intentionally. I read wayyyyy too much about goal-setting and productivity, and "living with intention," so my emotions are likely skewed, but when another weekend goes by and I haven't made the time to 1) Refresh my dang LinkedIn profile slash resume, and maybe even peek in on Monster.com just to see what's out there, or 2) done this or that change of address form (still), or 3) gone for a long walk/workout ... it makes me feel like I'm Doing It Wrong. But I was DOING THINGS, ALL WEEKEND, I promise. The kids' furniture got delivered (all but one piece, a mistake on the order, grrr...), and we rearranged all their stuff to accommodate it. That was most of the day Saturday, and then Sunday afternoon, too. We're really starting to finish, I think, getting moved in. :) Heh. Starting to finish. It's a long process, isn't it? I need to wash and possibly iron the dust ruffle that will now go on the guest room bed (we have a bed! in a guest room!) and then we can start arranging in there. So yes. Almost finished.

But back to the doing: We scheduled and executed playdates/sleepovers for both kids, again, and drove them there and back and around town. They can't say they didn't get to do anything fun all weekend (although Kate tried to, when she finally came home after 2 nights away - she was obviously extra-tired)...

We did lots of laundry, Shawn mowed the front and back, I went to the grocery store and Target, we went out to dinner Saturday night, and I even cooked something in the crock-pot for later this week.

We do so much.

But this whole living with intention thing is hard. Most days we just live to get through. Especially Mondays. We wake up unwillingly, we do what we have to do, we try to be present when we're parenting, and we crash by about 9:00 pm with no energy left. I know this is normal. I'm grateful for the normalcy, and for the goodness of a normal existence and a love-filled family. Is it social media/bloggers/vocal-and-optimistic-life-coaches that make us feel like we need to exist in some other, better way? Because they're sure vocal. And Visible. Online, I mean. It's everywhere. "You Could Be Happier."

[Tuesday] Last week I re-started the flextime plan, and I'm not sure it's going to work out. Our new house is further away from work, so if I don't leave by 6:10 (really difficult when you have a daughter whose circadian rhythms don't accommodate anything before 6:15), I'm not going to make it to the office before :45. And :45 means I'm already 15 minutes in the red for the day, when I already leave in the afternoon 15 minutes before when I should, just to hit the carpool line in time. (You: this is getting complicated/boring.) I don't take a lunch on those days, simply for the APPEARANCE of working harder -- even though I could, technically, still take a 30-minute lunch and have worked 8 full hours.

And you know what? I am SO OVER THIS. I am weary of being defensive about my time and counting minutes. I'm tired of feeling like the work that I DO GET DONE (all of it, every deadline met) isn't enough.

Here's my intention, and "by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving," I'm "presenting my request to God:"* I want to reduce my hours to part-time. 35 hours would be 7:30 am to 2:30 pm. Maybe 3:30 pm one day a week, to take a lunch-hour. No guilt. The difference in pay would, I believe, be manageable. It's scary to contemplate this when we've just bought a new house, and furniture. But, quality of life. I really want us to consider it without fear or resentment. I CAN CLIP COUPONS.

*Phil. 4:6-7

Putting this here to bookmark it: http://www.workoptions.com/part-time-proposal

Weekend Gratitude Again

• A lovely, kid-free dinner out, on a patio (lemon-ricotta ravioli WHAAAAT?? Luscious.)
• Playdates and happy children
• More Furniture!

In the category of very first-world stuff, our kids' rooms are about to get an upgrade. When we moved, We boxed things up and didn't actually know how/where to put things at the new place, feeling we'd want to rearrange as soon as we could get them new furniture. With one more bedroom to furnish, we knew we'd have to shuffle beds around at some point.

Sunday, we went back to Rooms to Go. I guess the naysayers and Pinteresty pinners and interior decorators would tell you RTG isn't good quality, but I'm here to tell you I had my old RTG living room set for 17 years and it was still in pretty good shape -- good enough to give to some college kids for their apartment. Anyway, RTG and me, we're buds. We bought the kids each a full-size bed, and headboards and footboards and trundles, oh my! The headboards match; Kate got white, Alex got black (to match his black dresser). The headboards have storage cubbies and a shelf above, plus a "hidden" bookcase going down the side. I'm so excited about that hidden bookcase. Kate got a dresser/mirror for her room, as a little girl should have, and Alex got a DESK, since he's nearing middle school and real, for-true STUDYING, and then high school OMG.

And after the stuff is delivered, we can DECORATE.

Little by little, we've been decorating around the house, putting things on walls. I'm almost ready to share pictures and start having people over. Eeeee!

----

The weekend helps things look brighter, and I'm more calm, even about the dumb job, today. (THANK YOU for your comments.) Even though it's a Monday. I was proactive and scheduled a lunch with my mom-friends for Friday. I'm hoping to make that a regular thing. It was scary to ask (I don't know why), but apparently they like me, and they immediately said 'yes.' I can't wait for Friday.

The kids were less horrible this weekend, hooray for school being in session! Maybe it helped that they were each with friends for sleepovers/playdates, and then we got a babysitter Saturday night. Heh. I guess it's possible they weren't that good, but at least Shawn and I didn't have to deal with it! No, I'm kidding. Alex also got injured on Saturday -- his back. He slipped at the foot of the stairs, and landed on his back, and it really scared him badly because it knocked the wind out of him. He stayed pretty quiet and moved slowly. I think he's fine now.

A friend from several years ago died in a tragic accident last Friday (Sherry, it was Cary Scales). She was 40, and has two little boys. I'm having guilty thoughts for all of my complaining last week, after learning this news last night. A lesson, a warning, a wish, to be a better human every single day, because who knows.

This week in my brain

Things feel a little out of control. We're back to school, the first full week, and they're throwing us all the way in, right away. There were/are parent-teacher meetings Tuesday and Thursday nights, plus the Cub Scouts kick-off tonight, and already there's homework and lunches to make every day, since Fun Food doesn't start until next week. I dread those long, every-day lunchbox weeks.

Alex is handling it pretty well so far. He's excited to have color-coded his schedule and his 5th-grade binder. He has a lot of work to do to learn "responsible" and "organized," but he's beginning the work. He wants to be successful.

And not to compare the two kids, who are obviously at different stages of independence and development, but Kate is handling it... less well. Six is difficult. Kate is six. I worry she isn't getting enough sleep. She still requires me to sit with her while she takes a bath, falls asleep, and this morning she wanted me to sit with her while she got dressed. (I've read that this is pretty normal for her age, but it's tiring.) This morning. This morning was difficult. She's been doing better with waking, but not today. I hate the morning rush. I hate that I feel such a need to be punctual to my job. I should not care. (On the other hand, this is how the world works. Punctuality is a good trait to have and teach.) However, maybe I should help her as much as she needs, and THEN get myself ready to go. That might have to be this year's adjustment. But then there's the need to teach them independence, too. How to do that, while being helpful and secure for them at the same time? I just don't know. Everything is one huge contradiction, and kind-of on repeat.

Wait, I can't let Alex totally off the hook, because over the weekend HIS behavior had us absolutely baffled, too. He gets bored, I guess, or frustrated, and he flails around, unable to control his movements. I'm serious. And if Kate pisses him off, watch out. He'll go right up to her and punch... the couch cushion, an inch away from her leg or something. Repeatedly. Or he'll just walk around SIGHING. Or, he gets self-deprecating in the extreme. If he's gotten in trouble for pushing his sister earlier in the day, then the next time we look at him with a raised eyebrow it's, "I mess up EVERYTHING" and "I should just go in my room for the rest of the WEEKEND. That's what I'll do, I deserve to."

I realized something yesterday: I'm feeling very untethered at work right now, and that's adding to the stress at home. Aside from the drama, there's also some transition going on and it's left me on my own to handle things. My former mgr. is no longer my mgr. We no longer have our weekly meetings where she used to keep me in the loop on the politics. Meanwhile, I see her having weekly meetings with other, less senior coworkers. My next/subsequent mgr. is also now "former," and her successor is only contract/part-time. My European counterpart has left the company, and her temporary replacement was just on a European (read: 3-week) vacation. And on and on.

So yeah. I feel like I don't have any insight, or anyone leading me. I realized I'm a doer, not a leader. Which is fine and good. The world needs doers. But I've started wishing I'd be "reorg'd" out. I could deal with some severance pay for a month or two, that wouldn't be so bad. This thought seems... unhealthy.

I mean, overall everything is fine, great. I read this, after all. I know to be grateful. But also, there's been a full moon, have you seen it?

Atmosphere

I actually feel fine, myself, but everyone in my department is moody today, and it has totally rubbed off and made me feel anxious, depressed, a little sick to my stomach and like I just want to get out of here or curl up under my desk until it all goes away. There are big changes afoot at The Company Of Constant Drama -- new people in upper management started work yesterday, and a couple of people left -- and my friend/neighbor has been cursing under her breath all day about something else that is going to cause a lot of stress in our production schedule. Then M, my manager, went into friend/neighbor's office, shut the door, and I could tell they were both griping and having some tearful moments. I don't have a clue what most of it is about, but I do know my Mgr. has been doing some kind of life/career assessment course. I bet she's fed up. I bet she might leave because she doesn't feel respected as a person.

Hm., I want to say to her, and point to the email she sent me last week. HMMM. Isn't that interesting.

I know what I SHOULD feel is sympathy. I do... but I do not.

Hmm.

Did I mention I want to run away for today? It feels weird in here.

Good stuff from this weekend

So much to report. :)

• First of all, Friday at lunchtime, Shawn and I went to the furniture store and spent other people's money! Well, I mean, opened a credit card. :) We got a new sectional for the family room/den, and end tables and an ottoman to go with it. Gone are the days of not having enough seating space, and not having a surface on which to put our drinks! Yippie! That evening, Shawn went by the showroom to pick up one additional piece I bought, on a whim, the floor/display model. Totally on-sale. It's a beautiful cabinet. It's in our foyer right now, and might stay there or might move to the dining room, but I LOVE IT.

Don't you love it?

The rest is being delivered next Saturday. Now that we have all the furniture in mind, I think we're ready to start decorating. So yesterday, I unwrapped photos and candles and artwork and wandered around the house, trying to find the best spots for them. Maybe tonight some nails will go into some walls!

This was a weekend of spending TIME at home -- we had no commitments to birthday parties in the middle of the day, no long afternoons at any swimming pool, and I was in the house during times of the day I'm not normally there. I could see how the light from the big window hits this wall and that wall, and it was so nice. I still just love this house, and it's really coming together to be the house I have always wanted.

• Shawn bought, and the kids and I planted, some flowers (thanks, honey!). My first attempt at flowers went awry -- I had bought some lovely hanging baskets, but they died (even though I watered them! I promise!) within 7 days. Sad panda. So let's hope this second effort works out better.

• I finished the whole-house-cleaning that Shawn had started during the week. Now everything has been dusted, vacuumed, mopped or otherwise cleaned (bathrooms), and boy, did it need it. And wow, does that feel great.

• I baked banana bread. Always a satisfying venture.
• We saw a family that we like at Mass, who've now joined our parish. Their kids attend the school, but they were members elsewhere; now they're registered where they belong. I smile every time I see them. File this in the "appreciating friends" category.
• We got the last of the school supplies -- all-white PE shoes for Kate (hard to find) -- and spent a morning shoe shopping in the process. Kate was being a quintessential GIRL, oohing and ahhing over all the pretties at Payless. It was adorable. (Yes, I did also buy her that pair of gold flats, because how could I not??)
• Kate helped me make fish last night, and then both kids cleaned their plates! A miracle!

Let's not talk too much about how much the kids are fighting with one another lately, or how many times they were sent to their respective bedrooms (or how many times one of them refused to go)... let's just chalk it up to We Really Need School to Start Back, Now, and be grateful that happens on Thursday this week. Yes, let's.

Whiner

Last night Kate and Alex laughed at a TV show because there was a whiny kid on the screen, whining. They snorted. "Hey, Alex, that sounds just like Alonso at camp, doesn't it?"

I wanted SO BADLY to say, "Uh, it sounds like YOU at home!" But I refrained. I asked her why did it remind her of Alonso? "Oh, he's always whining, 'I don't wannnnnnt that.' or 'But I want to play outsiiiiiiiiiide...'"

She didn't see any comparison to herself at all, which, I guess, is fine. But I'm slightly gratified to know that at least she can recognize whining as NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO BEHAVE (particularly at a school or camp setting). I mean, I knew this, I trust that she behaves at school and camp. But sometimes at home, she really makes me wonder what lies there, deep down in her understanding.

WHEW.

Around 6:30 pm....

Dinners this week. Just because.

Monday:  Spaghetti with meat sauce (and frozen meatballs for the kids). Kate still likes her noodles sauce-free, so I put a little garlic salt and butter/olive oil on them. Garlic breadsticks (frozen). Convenience, Amen.

Tuesday:  On the menu was flank steak, but I had forgotten to take it out of the freezer, so we had (frozen) chicken patty sandwiches instead, on hamburger buns. Potato chips (Cheddar/Sour Cream flavor is a family favorite) and fruit salad on the side.

Wednesday:  I was planning to do the steak, but just realized that once again, I left it in the dang freezer this morning. So I guess that will have to be Thursday's meal. Tonight I suppose we'll do chicken fajitas (if I have enough tortillas, which is not certain) and chips and dip (fresh salsa and guacamole). Something to look forward to!

Thursday: Flank steak! Am putting a reminder in my phone right now to take it out as soon as I get home. I want to sautee mushrooms to go with it, and will include a green veggie as well, and crescent rolls.  Maybe Uncle Ben's.

Friday: The plan is for crackers/cheese and fruit. One member of the family doesn't care for that dinner so we'll see. There's always eating out, or breakfast for dinner, or Ramen (I've started buying it because Kate loves it.)

Flexible, but not really

Here's something that happened today via email.

--

Hi Lee,

See my comments in ital. below.

--

Hi, M,

Next week is the kids’ first week back at school, starting on Thursday. The daycare camps will have all closed because Cobb County starts on Monday. I do have babysitters lined up, but might need a little extra time in the mornings for them to arrive and get settled, etc.

I also have to take the kids myself to their “Meet the Teachers” time on Tuesday, in the morning. Here’s the basic breakdown of how I hope my schedule will work, if OK with you.

Monday – in the office by 9:30 (will check email at home) – what time will you be in the office until on Monday and Wednesday?
Tuesday – Work from Home – in general I don’t have a problem with you working from home, but please make sure that if you aren’t able to work a full 8 hours you ask for an adjustment from HR for both Tuesday and Friday
Wednesday – in the office by 9:30 (will check email at home)
Thursday – normal day, 7:30-4:30
Friday – work from home PM (it’s a noon school dismissal)

The following week I’ll plan to restart my 6:30 – 3:30 days twice a week. Which days are your 6:30 – 3:30 days?

------------------------

just... I mean, I try so damn hard to make this all work. I have a friend keeping the kids Monday at her house, a cousin coming over to babysit on Wednesday, Shawn's taking a furlough day Thursday to cover that day... what else can I do? And why do they bother giving me a laptop and VPN access if they're so concerned I'm not going to do "a full 8 hours" of work? (I log my hours every single time I work from home. Just for ME -- they've never required it but I could show them the scratch marks in my notebooks where I COUNT THE MINUTES. Goddammit.) 

Late summer blues

This is the time of year when I get sad about working full-time, at a desk job. 

I think it's two things:

It's the monotony of my job during this time of year -- go to office, sit in cubicle, do work on the computer until 4:30 pm, rinse and repeat tomorrow.

And it's the scramble after daycare camp has closed for "fall," since our parochical school can't just follow the county school schedule exactly. (Daycare follows the county, and they start school earlier than we do by 3 days.) I always think, "If only I [worked freelance/didn't work/worked part-time], this wouldn't be a problem." So now we have to figure out what to do with the kids for Aug 4, 5 and 6, and the one family I can usually count on to keep them one day, who have a boy and a girl both, are going to be out of town this year. Care.com, I guess? Sigh.

Plus, I suspect that at this point in the summer, the kids do start to notice the monotony of going to 'camp' in the first place. I guess if they stayed home for the summers, they'd be SO BORED, too. Kids get anxious and ready to go back to school -- I definitely remember that. Mine were lucky this year; June was packed, and they were out of town most of that month. So July hasn't been AS monotonous as it could have been. But still.

ANYWAY, it's Friday, and hopefully I can be very productive today, and very productive this weekend, and feel better soon. I don't like being 'grumpy pants' (or sad pants) but I kinda have been. Bleh.

P.S. Another TWO successful bedtimes under Kate's belt. I think my plan is working, muah-ha-ha.

Success w/pajama walking

Just reporting in: Last night we convinced Kate to try everything on the list. No dessert after dinner, no screentime after dinner, and a pajama walk. She went to bed and didn't get out until this morning. The pajama walk was awesome, even thought it started raining pretty hard at 7:50 pm, right as we were putting on our shoes to head out the door. We waited just a few minutes for it to stop and thankfully, it did. Just a pop-up. (One of my favorite childhood memories is of a late-evening walk my family took after a rainstorm once. I think we saw a rainbow, even -- I can still picture the way the sunset and clouds looked. I go back to it often.)

Anyway, we saw a family with three young kids. Didn't stop to chat, just said hello, but maybe next time. They were splashing in puddles. At first I was adamant that we all stay together and go slowly, but Shawn convinced me to let Kate go on ahead. And he's right -- her mind was wandering without us and I bet that helped wind her down, even though she was doing more skipping and running than I thought she should.

We still didn't get her to lights-out until 9:05, so we'll work on that. But I am encouraged.

Sleep Regressing

Argh. Kate's having some sort of sleep regression. (Can kids still have them at 6 years old? I should be writing to Ask Moxie.) I thought we were past it, but we're apparently not. The last 2 nights, she's come back downstairs after I've put her to bed -- never until after 9:00, even though we start talking about bedtime at 8:00 -- multiple times saying she's hot, or she can't sleep, or she's just not tired. I'm not sure what got her out of sync but Shawn and I have about had it. We JUST WANT an hour. We JUST want to watch ONE episode of a show, and maybe have a snack on the couch.

I'm still not just tucking her in and leaving, mind you. I never have been able to do that, not since her infancy. I still have to sit with her for 5 minutes. And I don't mind that anymore. It's five minutes of my life, you know? When I'm being mindful, I use it to pray for her, for a restful night and a good day tomorrow. Mothers' prayers. When I'm not being mindful, I just use it to quiet my own mind. And by that I mean, my mind just wanders. I don't mind 5 minutes. She needs someone with her (extrovert). I guess if I'm meant to be that person for 18 years, so be it. But golly, this last 2 nights... I will say that she's had naps both those days. Sunday she put herself down on the couch; she was feeling feverish, in fact. She slept through our dinner, and we let her, because the previous time we'd woken her and faced a Class A Tantrum. So I know, that was too close to bedtime and probably a mistake.

Yesterday I stayed home with her. Since she only had about 6 hours sleep I wanted her to sleep in. I was planning to just go to work late, but when she woke up she said, "I just want to sleep all DAY," and "Everything hurts," and I couldn't in good conscience send her to summer camp like that. I made her promise to nap before 2:30pm, and she did. 2:30 'til about 4:00. Then we took a 20-minute walk later. She ate a great dinner. It was dessert night so she had a small dish of ice cream. She had a bath, watched a little TV with Alex, fussed about blow-drying her hair, brushed teeth and we read together for ten minutes. It was actually really nice.

Four times, she came out of her room. She sneaked downstairs, or she called me from the top of the stairs. "Mommy? Mommy? ...I'm hot." "Well, take off your shirt." "I can't fall asleep." "TRY." Finally, she came tearfully into our room at 10:30 (we had given up staying downstairs in the hopes she would figure out it was late). It breaks my heart because I know she's trying. When she's really sobbing, I know she's frustrated, too. I pulled her in bed next to me, and she was asleep in minutes.

Here's what I plan to propose to her, after doing a little reading this morning when I'm rational:

·         Problem: Dessert after dinner. Too much sugar is hard for the body to process so fast (sugar gives you energy).

·         Possible Solution: “Desserty” snacks after school/camp instead: Ice cream or popsicles or cookies. Warm milk after dinner, if you want something.

·         Problem: TV/Screentime. Experts say you should turn off all screens at least 1 hour before bedtime.

·         Possible Solution:  (There’s one main solution to this, and that is to not watch TV/play iPad/iPhone after dinner.) Something we could do instead: Pajama Walks. (I own that guy's book, by the way.) Put on PJs, brush teeth, and take a nighttime walk around the neighborhood together. Slow and gentle, very mellow.

·         Problem: Trouble with bath-taking and drying hair. When we argue about this, our bodies get “revved up” and it’s hard to settle back down.

·         Possible Solution: Baths as soon as we get home from school/camp, when it’s bath night. OR, shower in the morning instead! (hair can air-dry)

P.S. I'm slightly embarrassed that I have a whole category about this.

Frisbee

I can't remember when or why we started playing Frisbee with the kids; I mean, we always had frisbees around, I guess, because people like to do them as giveaways and, for whatever other reason. (From my own childhood, I remember ordering a free one from the back of the Frosted Flakes box, with my Dad. It was a very important endeavor to 6-year-old me; I remember keeping the Proofs of Purchase and putting them in the envelope. The frisbee was white with Tony the Tiger on the front (orange, obviously), and I also remember how quickly he faded. But that was our family frisbee.)

At the house we just left, the hilly, uneven and tree-covered lawn meant that the best place to play was the driveway. It... wasn't ideal. One person stood near the garage on the "down" part of the slope, and the other person was near the street on the "up" part. But we played pretty often. Especially as Alex started growing into it, instead of flinging the thing directly into the ground, or under an overgrown tree. It was easy to teach, even for someone like me who knows nothing about frisbee-throwing -- at least I knew to say, "Use your wrist" and "Face your target." Or something like that. I was always worried about skinned knees, but I don't think frisbee ever caused one.

We're lucky, living in the climate we do, that lots of days of the year are good for it. So we'd play, on the driveway, sailing it straight to and fro, grumbling when it rolled under one of the cars, or out into, then across, the street, or under the azaleas. Kate learned, too (or, is learning). We'd count to see how many times we could throw and catch without dropping it. I think Alex and I got up to 12 or 13 once.

I really like it because it's one of those things like a Dad and son throwing a baseball. You can talk or not talk. But the opportunity's there.

One of the things we love about our new house is the backyard -- for lots of reasons. Of course I want to "decorate" on the patio -- even extend the patio -- and there's a firepit in the way-back woods, that I'm excited about. But the main "living area" is a large square, basically -- flat and grassy. No trees except on the perimeter. And so when the weather this week was in the 70s -- in JULY -- we knew it was time. After dinner (and right after Shawn had cut the grass, which was so nice), no humidity, no mosquitoes.

Such freedom!! To throw diagonally, one of us in each corner, or go all the way around -- it's a surprisingly huge improvement. We can run to catch it, jump without worrying about scraped knees, and really FLY the thing. I was just amazed at the difference, after throwing "uphill" so long.

It's not that big of a deal, but I'm excited about frisbee. The prospect of fall weather. The idea of getting exercise -- but playing. The built-in stress relief. The idea of having little family "competitions." (Last night, our 2nd night in a row, we determined when to go inside by saying, "When we get to 10 'errant' throws, we're done." It was fun! And funny!) The popsicles afterwards. ;)

Just the picture of us out there together in the fresh air. It's total bliss.

Things that were fun this weekend

• Friday night dinner was Alex's choice, after his long 2 weeks away from Mommy's table: Taco Night!
• Saturday morning: Haircut/color/shampoo/style for me. Glad I got started at 9:00 am so I could finish early.
• Saturday evening: Cantor at Mass, then dinner (free! thanks to a giftcard from a sweet Uncle Jim) at Applebees. I let myself coast and order whatever I wanted. Which happened to be a salad, but I also loved our Potato Twists appetizer.
• Saturday night: Kate wanted to show Alex a movie that she apparently likes a lot: "Escape from Witch Mountain." It's from 1975 and creeps me right out (when it isn't boring me), but she's watched it twice in the past week! She wanted Alex to see it, too. (He fell asleep.)
• Sunday morning: Breakfast out AGAIN! This time with both kids. Mmm, gouda grits.
• Sunday afternoon: Shopping (the whole family!) at Kohl's. Got kids a couple of things they needed, and Daddy, too.
• Sunday afternoon (later): A quick card tournament (Blink). What a fun game! Easy for everyone, and FAST. This is very good for the parental-types among us. It's over-with quickly, and then the kids went to watch Gremlins. Haha! So many GenX old movies!
• Sunday evening: Lemon-basil pasta for dinner. So yummy and summery. And the kids loved their version, and ate their broccoli, too.

So it was a very good weekend, after all. I'd been thinking the opposite*, but all it takes is a little gratitude and blessing-counting to really see what's true.

*A couple of things threatened to ruin my mood. (okay, maybe they did ruin my mood over the weekend at various times). One, our upstairs AC drain pan overflowed, leaving a nice leak/hole in the master BR ceiling. Two, I was really impatient with the kids/Kate. The constant ASKING and NEEDING! Arrrrrgh! Again, my default mode with them/her seems to be "you're bothering me." I am such a work in progress and it's taking God a really long time to get through to me on this one. Three, it was hot after we turned the AC off. Four, the work is neverending. Shawn and I both feel like we can never just sit in our home and relax. There's always the guilt that we should be cleaning/fixing//laundering/doing.I want to remedy this feeling. We need and deserve to enjoy more of our life. :/

Going back up to re-read the bullet points again.

Hard time/Easy time

I've had a really hard time feeling motivated this week, at work and at home... and on the other hand, I've gotten a lot of things accomplished, too. Obviously (to me) it's partly that this is my first full week of work in a while, five L OOOOOO N G days after vacation week, July 4th week, and the bereavement week. Whiny baby, I am. And it's a quiet week at work, the first in a long time, too, with no big events to plan for. Still, even with no event, there are too many tasks and no "most important" one. I've had a "think about THIS" task on my to-do list all week and I just can't get interested enough in it to be creative. It's a "be creative" task. Ugh. The worst.

On the other hand, I've written several things I think are good and sent them off for approvals, and that feels good. I've cleaned up one website and answered ALL of my pending emails that needed answering. Drops in the bucket, Swistle would say.

At home, it's the same. While I've finally gotten the last of the kitchen boxes unpacked and put away (HOORAY!!), there are still three small ones in my bedroom that for some reason, I don't want to open. I got the kids' rooms finished for the most part (still haven't cracked open the Princess Costumes box in Kate's, as she mentioned to me yesterday, and I left a couple of 10-y-o boy JUNK-FILLED ones in Alex's, for him to go through) -- so relieved about that. Hung things on the walls, even. And, we got the living room mostly put together, books on a bookshelf! But the dining room/china cabinet and the bonus room, that I so desperately want to have as a pretty guest room and playroom combo, are nowhere near done. This weekend, I guess. Several nights, I have just flopped onto the couch and had no motivation at all. Totally lame.

This weekend, by the way, is the first weekend we won't be driving anywhere, since June 14. I may not even LEAVE the house, now that I think about it!

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One fun thing about the move is that we now have some new restaurants we want Mom and Dad to try. Or, one restaurant in particular. We had eaten out so much in June (not to mention recovering from moving expenses) that we've been trying, this week and even last, NOT to eat out. But I'm itching for it. Today I rebelled -- didn't even BRING any lunch so I have no choice but to go somewhere. I brought my book, in case I can't find a lunch buddy (and kinda hope I don't).

Speaking of being a loner, yesterday I worked from home in the morning while the bug man came to spray. And let me just say how much I LOVE working from home. Especially in a new home that I still love! Man, I wish that was a regular gig for me, like it used to be (two days a week I worked from home, for about 3 years I think! Pretty sweet.) But unless something drastic changes at my current company, or unless I get drastic and go looking for something else, it isn't likely to happen. I chatted with my work-friend about it -- she who DOES work from home once a week and prevents me from doing it (IMO) -- and she said she "couldn't do it full-time." I get her point... I would definitely turn into a recluse who then got scared and intimidated if I had to go to a meeting or social event. But... I could do it half-time, for sure.

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Alex comes home from camp today. It has been harder without him this week - I miss his laugh and his hugs and his conversation. Last year I remember him having withdrawal symptoms for a day or two after camp. Staring off into space. At least this year, we're prepared for it. Makes me remember "show withdrawal" from my community theater days. ;)

Ten years old

I can hardly believe this, but a little boy I know turns 10 today.

Ten years ago this hour, he was barely an hour old, in fact. I remember it still, very vividly.

Lordy, that just brought the hot tears I don't want to shed today, right up to the brims of my eyes. Choosing the category "AJ grows up" did, too.

It is - to risk over-dramatizing but also speak the absolute truth - a miracle to be a mother, and I'm so, so grateful that this boy is mine, and was my first try at motherhood. I've typed sentences and deleted them a few times, here... what to say next? I can't just list his amazing characteristics. It's not enough to put them into words, and doesn't explain at all how I feel...and it's not about me, anyway.

It just IS a wonderful, special milestone day in his life -- particularly since he's at camp, and went knowing he'd turn 10 while there, and thinking that was going to be awesome -- and I hope it's everything he hopes for. "King of the Cabin," he'll be.

I can't help myself reminiscing a little bit, and I can't wait to hug him when he comes home, ten.

 

Fourth of July weekend

What a lovely little 3-day weekend we had. I love it when a bank holiday falls on a Friday - seems like it hardly ever happens, but it did this year and it was perfect. Still kidless, Shawn and I made a big trip to Home Depot on Thursday night, and picked up some organizational and decorative things that we've been wanting, to the tune of $250. Yee-haw, spending money! We got a stainless garbage can, something we've drooled over weirdly and unnecessarily (it was only $69. But for years I've been all, "I'm not paying $69 for a trash can when we have one that is perfectly FINE!")... and we got some hanging/organizational stuff for the garage... and some new gardening gloves, and Round-Up, and, you know, Home Depot stuff. We were there until nearly 9:00! Came home and had scrambled eggs for "dinner." We Skyped with Kate. (Such a trying exercise. We love seeing her, of course, and the fun she was having in Florida was evident every time in her face -- so happy! -- but getting the technical details ironed out, and getting her to sit still in front of the camera and TALK to us, instead of flapping her arms and making goofy faces at herself, was difficult every time. It's definitely one reason I'm glad she's home. No fault of hers, of course - she's a kid in front of a video camera. Maybe next year?)

ANYWAY. We Skyped with Kate and then watched an episode or two of our current binge show, Orphan Black. It's on BBC America. VERY weird, but acted well and with a plotline that's unlike anything else on TV, about human cloning and genetic manipulation gone awry. Eek. We're nearly finished with the 1st season.

The next morning, the holiday, we tried a place I'd seen advertised when we moved to the new house -- a breakfast cafe. It's called Reveille Cafe and OMG it's our new favorite. Delicious. We can't wait to take guests there -- can't wait, even, to take Alex there once he returns from summer camp! (Here's a hint: We went again on Sunday!)

We spent the holiday with our friends at their sister's pool -- a gorgeous, salt-water pool with rocks and waterfalls. Snacking on pita chips, drinking cold beer, swimming (the boys, including Shawn, doing trick shots in a game of P-I-G with a basketball hoop in the pool), and later cooking out. I was grouchy about it, as I am about all outings before they happen, but it was a really suh-weet way to spend a day off. We're so thankful we have friends who'll orchestrate things like this for us. And I've got to stop being so negative about them; they always turn out nice! What is wrong with me?!

Here's the best surprise. That night, still July 4th, we were unpacking some boxes and organizing our living room, at the front of the house. We started hearing the pops and booms and knew people around the neighborhoods were shooting fireworks. On a whim, Shawn opened the front door to see if we could see anything... and we could! Over the treetops, we had a stellar view of someone's commercial display! All the big kinds -- starbursts and glittery dome-shaped sprays -- the kind of fireworks we usually watch on PBS. Right from our front porch! I can't wait until next year. I totally see us having a cookout at our place, then treating our friends to a no-horrendous-parking-required fireworks show! :) I am so pleased; something awesome we couldn't have known about our house, but here we are with it. A bonus. It made me want to thank our realtor again.

On Saturday we did one of our now-famous "Summer of 2014 driving trips." (Little joke. We've been driving a LOT.) We met Mom and Dad halfway and picked up a contradictory Kate -- we know she was happy to see us, but I also know she was sad that her week of being an only child, with endless love from grandparents and cousins to play with, had to end. After a big McDonald's lunch (hopefully the last for a while), she rode home with us, watching Frozen on the DVD player and enduring Mommy's snuggles and kisses the whole way home (I climbed in the back to love on her a while). ;) Couldn't help myself. Unfortunately, it ended with a sad, sad tantrum of a bathtime, which we all know was caused by Tired. Bathtime. I'm so over fighting with her about it.

Speaking of, on Sunday I wanted to get some things done -- I've been really itching to finish unpacking boxes in Alex's room while he's away -- and I felt like every reaction I had with Kate was negative. "In a MINUTE, I said." and "Kate, I just have to get a few things done and then I PROMISE I will play with you. [Exasperated sigh.]" I know she feels all of that and *I* felt the guilt of it by the end of the evening. I mean, I did play with her a bit -- sprayed her with the hose outside, put on a princess crown and went with her "to school" in the living room -- but I don't want the voice in her memory to be of me "too busy," always, for her. Or ordering her to pick up the crap she leaves everywhere (I wouldn't say "crap," but just, "KATE. How many shoes of yours are all over this floor? I JUST cleaned up your room.")

My little sweetheart. I want her to know deep down that I would do anything -- and NOT DO the things I would rather do -- for her. That she's more important than housework. (I want this for Alex, too, obviously, but this girl, my Kate, is challenging me to grow in ways he never has, just by virtue of her personality. [Extrovert, needs other people engaging with her all the time.]) Anyway, I talked myself down out of a super guilt-trip by deciding I just need to do the exact OPPOSITE of what feels natural. Just DON'T BE ME. Try to be Dominique, or my own Mom. This morning it worked. I tried to be my Granny. Woke her up (several times) by singing "Knock on the door, peeeeeeek in! Open the latch, wallllllllk in!" and trying to be silly, instead of exasperated. It's another lesson, a good one, as parenting tries to make me a better human being. Maybe this time it'll stick? I'm hopeful and grateful, actually.

Studying

Yesterday, and some this morning, I've been obsessing about studying the Primal diet. I was led to Mark Sisson, a hero of the Primal movement, via a blog post by Leo Babauta, one of my blogging and life heroes. It's not significant how I found Mark's Daily Apple, but, like Leo's site, I could spend HOURS reading the articles there. Days. (I've already spent hours.)

Nutrition, man. It's so interesting. The basic tenets of Sisson's Primal lifestyle are to cut out grains (poison!), eat real fats (saturated!), exercise moderately, and, oh yeah, go organic. Mostly I think his plan makes good sense -- even the organic part, for meats. (If the cow ate corn, then my burger is delivering corn to my system, and corn is a grain=not allowed.) I'm not sure I'm on-board for going organic on everything else -- he says pesticides and conventionally-grown plants/foods also harbor 'poisons,' but I say I CAN WASH THEM AND SAVE THE CASH. Plus I don't like buying into the hippie-dippy organic movement, even when it sometimes sorta seems to make sense. I just mean the idea that the business of agriculture has exploded in the last 1,000 years, and probably with some less-than-fully-transparent -- or "what we know now" practices that aren't good for our collective American health. You know?

I was all set to start the Primal 21-day challenge yesterday. And I still might try a basic lowering of my carbs to 50-100 grams/day, what Sisson calls the "easy weight-loss" carb zone.

Of course, I explained the system to Shawn and he said, "No chips? Impossible." Probably right, heh. But if I get 100 grams of grain a day.... hmm. Maybe possible. ;)

In general I like the idea and want to keep exploring it. The Before & Afters are pretty amazing, including two people I actually KNOW in real life (Mimi, a cousin, and Katherine, a former co-worker), who've gone Paleo (similar, but requires also giving up all dairy, and no way is that happening) to great success. Not to mention the "feel better, eat steak and fat, reduce risks of disease" part. It's similar to the book I read last summer, and was skeptical about, but now want to return to and think the science through some more.

Soooo interesting. Good thing I got a good fix of crackers-n-cheese, pasta, birthday cake and fried foods during the last month. ;)

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We love our new house and we're fighting the urge to have it all perfectly decorated and show-worthy immediately. It's just not possible so I can't let myself get stressed about it. Little by little is how we're going to have to do it, BUT/AND, I mustn't wait until I have the perfect furniture in every nook and corner before I start decorating. I just need to make it nice NOW. Before we moved, we made our old house look nearly perfect, and I liked it. I want it back, PLUS. (Plus = being a more functional house in a nicer neighborhood.) But every day when I get home and open the back door, I'm so happy that this house is our house! It smells nice. It looks clean (ish), or will after the boxes are all gone. (We still have lots of boxes.) It's bright and I feel happy there. :)

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The kids are away! Kate's with her g'parents in P'cola (hi guys), and Alex is at WinShape for 2 weeks! I miss them, but wow, our days are simple, and nice, without them for a while. I've spent time in my kitchen just padding around, I've ENJOYED cooking the last two nights, because there's no time limit, and no other demands for my attention. Just. Cook. It's bliss. And tonight is date night! Meet me after work, just like a couple of youthful singles!

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Work work work, hasn't let up. There are a hundred things I should be doing right now, and I still couldn't catch up. Every time I type that, I think I'd better get off of Blogger and get back to it. Dammit.