It was my Mom's birthday yesterday. And many bloggers I know would have written a long, loving letter to Mom, a letter that would make readers weep with its beauty, and actually feel like they could hang on the strength of that bond of biological goodness connecting one to the other. My blog, however, sat dormant while I struggled to corral the papers on my desk. Those stinking papers would not be tamed. Every time I delved into one project, the guy from the other project called me to interrupt. And I couldn't sit for five minutes and DO something without having to get up to go do something else. Frustrating. I did call my Mom and tell her I love her (I do, y'know), and I sent a card. I didn't manage a present. It's hard enough for me to get groceries (sorry, whine) let alone get a gift, wrap it, and get to the post office to send it. WHERE IN THE HE** IS A POST OFFICE, anyway? I can't find one near our new office.
So Mom's either getting a belated (online) gift, or none at all. Terrible. I'm her first-BORN! It is I that MADE her a mother! And yesterday I failed her. ;) Luckily, she is very kind and said, "Oh, honey, you don't have to send gifts." When meanwhile I know my cousin and cousin's wife who don't even have the money to spend on presents, got her one, and went to her party. So, the guilt. Terrible.
Even WORSE: I completely forgot my friend's birthday on the 24th!! Cantus NEVER EVER forgets my birthday. She was my roommate in college and for 4 years after, until I met DH. She is a dear, dear friend even though I hardly ever see her anymore, since she lives Inside the Perimeter and I live OTP. I called her up on a whim yesterday and as it was ringing.... I remembered. So instead of a happy little "I was thinking about you" voice mail, I had to leave her a "I'm so sorry, happy belated" voice mail. Bummer.
It makes me mad, sort-of, that my life as a working mommy has made me so much LESS focused on my friends and family. I feel like, when I talk to Mom and Dad on the phone, it's so one-sided and "Here's what else we did. And then this. And then AJ did this cute thing, and this, and this one, too." And I also hate having to talk TO him while I'm on the phone with them, because Before I was a mommy, that was a serious pet-peeve about other Mommies I knew. (What can I say? I didn't know things then.)
"Honey, no no don't touch that cord... Hang on, yeah what were you saying about the wedding? Oh, yes, I agr -- no, NO, AJ. Come over here, let's look at your puzzle. Mm-hm, mm-hm, definitely wear the green one... good job, AJ! Yeah, with the strappy sandals."I know my parents love to hear all that stuff, but it still feels different from how we used to talk. Mom and I (and Sis) can sit at the kitchen table All Day and chat about nothing much. But in that time we learn so much about each other, and share opinions, and often get very Philosophical. Used-ta could on the phone, too.
And I just hate forgetting someone's birthday. Because when it's MY birthday, I LOVE getting the phone calls and cards in the mail, especially from people other than family. Like Cantus. Or my cousins. I want to be the girl who sends (at least e-) cards, every year. Who thinks about Other People once in a while.
I need to set alarms, I guess, to ensure I vill remembah zeez tings.
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