I got over my work-rage last week, I guess, but it remained a bit of a stressful few days. 4th grade is kicking our butts! "Our," meaning my family's, and also all of the 4th grade moms'. I'm glad it's widespread! There's a lot more homework than our kids are used to, and their teacher, whom they all love, has been on bed rest (pregnant) for the past 2.2 weeks, during which time they were given several tests and assigned a big science project. Timelines have been screwed up. Homework assignments not turned in. It's been rough, man.
On Tuesday, in addition, I realized I had completely borked up my left elbow. I think it was a carpal tunnel thing, radiating upwards. I was working on the aforementioned 600-line Excel file, for hours at a time, with my left fingers sort-of stretched out over the keyboard to reach both the numbers and the CTRL-key, and by Tuesday night I couldn't straighten my arm or turn it at all. Weirdness! Old-lady-ness! Creaky joints! It really hurt.
And by Friday, I think I was just run-down and I woke up with pain in the back of my throat, just like a cold coming on. I was already dosing up with Motrin and Advil for the elbow, but they didn't seem to be helping much with the aches and throat.
I don't know why I feel the need to document those things -- except maybe in the future, if I ever have such elbow pain again, I'll be able to find out how it finally went away** -- but there you have it.
However, a few excellent things happened, too, for which I am grateful.
Thursday afternoon, I had to cancel my Friday yoga plans with Ashley because of my elbow, but guess what? She was going to cancel, too, for work/other commitment reasons. Hoping we will go this Friday instead.
My parents arrived Thursday evening! AJ and KT were looking forward to it all week and I just loved hearing them say, "I can't WAIT 'til tomorrow! Grandmommy and Papa Joe will be here!!!" (And I was excited, too... I'm so lucky that I LIKE my parents, and I'm not just saying that because they are half the readers of my blog. Hee. I really do enjoy their company.)
Friday was my Mom's birthday so we went out to dinner and then had birthday cake. Well, actually I cut the cake, and then scooted off to a little wine-y get-together with the 4th-grade moms, at Ashley's house. Mom had made me promise not to change my plans. There were 6 of us and we gabbed and snacked until around 11:30. (Unfortunately, I was still slightly under-weathered, and the DayQuil mixed with the wine messed me up a bit. I slept sloshily and most of Saturday I felt off.)
But Saturday morning after activities, we managed a little picnic at the park. The fresh air was good for all of us, and a great excuse to leave the house. We whipped up some pasta salad and some tortilla wraps and everyone got a soda. :) Afterwards, I got laundry done and visited with the parents, while the kiddos played outside all afternoon. At one point, KT came in and whined, "I haven't been entertained ALL DAY." Hahahaha! She seemed fine to us! I let her watch some TV and I guess she got what she needed.
Sunday we went to Mass and to the grocery store, and then spent the afternoon in the kitchen. I made salsa, chocolate ice cream, spicy Chex mix and a chicken pot pie (with cream cheese!) that were all yummy. And we just talked and enjoyed each other -- the kids, again, were out in the fall neighborhood, running, breathing cool air, just like Norman Rockwell intended.
I do feel slightly terrible that Shawn was doing yard work all that time Sunday, and on Saturday he had been at a Cub Scouts obligation. I don't know how to reconcile those two days to him. What would he like best? That I take the kids next Saturday so he can do whatever he wants? That I hire a yard service so he doesn't have to do that ever again, particularly not while we have company? We could totally afford it... I just don't know. He just doesn't ever seem to get to relax on the weekends. I guess I don't relax toooo much, either, but it seems imbalanced.:/
**My friend Jackie from church used to work as a massage therapist at a chiropractor. She told me to massage two pressure points near the elbow that HURT when I first found them, but did help a LOT. She had me ice it for 20 minutes at a time, as well. Today it's perfect, no pain. I'm going to be more diligent about doing anti-carpel tunnel stretches every day. Might even massage those pressure points regularly. (Also for the throat: Listerine! Gargling!)
Monday, September 30
Monday, September 23
Releasing Steam
You have to forgive me for this post in advance. I need to blow off some steam and my fingers are itching to POUND SOMETHING, which in this case happens to be my KEYBOARD. (ooohhh, so scary)
I think that PR is a fancy way of saying "SOMEONE DOING A LOT OF VERY MEANINGLESS AND IRRITATING WORK," but "NEVER THE PERSON WHO INSTIGATES IT." <<<< Official definition. I am sick to death of being the person that everyone asks to WRITE EVERYTHING. I mean, no.... grateful that they pay me to do something that comes naturally, etc. etc. but OMG. If one more person today sends me an email with bulleted things that need to be written, FOR THEM, by YESTERDAY, I'm going to throw something. And it's not just me. Every time there's a "PR OPPORTUNITY" we -- the peons, I guess -- have to do the writing, and the finding photos and the uploading thereof, and the sending out samples to whomever is asking for them, and the adding of the press release to OUR OWN website, too, and and and.
My company was given a "PR OPPORTUNITY" last week, naturally it's for October - last minute - and naturally the woman who called my boss said everything would be taken care of! We get a big ol' spread in their online magazine, plus 4 blog posts, plus social media to go with it! Awesome! Sounds like a great deal! Thank you very much and my boss signed us right up. And I KNEW... I knew it was too good to be true. No, it's not all provided for us, guess who is now being told she needs to write those 4 blog posts by yesterday?? Yes, that'd be me. On top of the 3 new assignments, one with an all-caps URGENT at the front of it, that my "other" manager handed down over the weekend. And the one stupid time-sucking assignment (uploading files) that my "actual" manager gave me that's due Wednesday. And let's just see, what else? A huge Excel file of 600 customer names that I have to rifle through manually, copy/pasting some additional columns in as I go, that will inevitably end with some of those same customers calling ME, unhappy with the outcome. And some introductory text to write by Wednesday for our product catalog, no pressure, and by the way, it's the same exact topic you've written four thousand times already, but could you do it in a UNIQUE way? This time? AGAGAHAHAHAHAHHh.
Today I am hating my job. Mondays, man.
I think that PR is a fancy way of saying "SOMEONE DOING A LOT OF VERY MEANINGLESS AND IRRITATING WORK," but "NEVER THE PERSON WHO INSTIGATES IT." <<<< Official definition. I am sick to death of being the person that everyone asks to WRITE EVERYTHING. I mean, no.... grateful that they pay me to do something that comes naturally, etc. etc. but OMG. If one more person today sends me an email with bulleted things that need to be written, FOR THEM, by YESTERDAY, I'm going to throw something. And it's not just me. Every time there's a "PR OPPORTUNITY" we -- the peons, I guess -- have to do the writing, and the finding photos and the uploading thereof, and the sending out samples to whomever is asking for them, and the adding of the press release to OUR OWN website, too, and and and.
My company was given a "PR OPPORTUNITY" last week, naturally it's for October - last minute - and naturally the woman who called my boss said everything would be taken care of! We get a big ol' spread in their online magazine, plus 4 blog posts, plus social media to go with it! Awesome! Sounds like a great deal! Thank you very much and my boss signed us right up. And I KNEW... I knew it was too good to be true. No, it's not all provided for us, guess who is now being told she needs to write those 4 blog posts by yesterday?? Yes, that'd be me. On top of the 3 new assignments, one with an all-caps URGENT at the front of it, that my "other" manager handed down over the weekend. And the one stupid time-sucking assignment (uploading files) that my "actual" manager gave me that's due Wednesday. And let's just see, what else? A huge Excel file of 600 customer names that I have to rifle through manually, copy/pasting some additional columns in as I go, that will inevitably end with some of those same customers calling ME, unhappy with the outcome. And some introductory text to write by Wednesday for our product catalog, no pressure, and by the way, it's the same exact topic you've written four thousand times already, but could you do it in a UNIQUE way? This time? AGAGAHAHAHAHAHHh.
Today I am hating my job. Mondays, man.
Friday, September 20
3rd Yoga class
Today the actual, scheduled yoga instructor led our class, and it was the best one yet (for me). It was no-nonsense, poses I knew, I felt more comfortable, yet still verrrry challenged, and the AC was on before class started so I didn't get as steamed up. Apparently the enjoyment of yoga for me depends very much on the temperature. But I was able to concentrate, stretch, do more push-ups than usual really relax in Savasana (or Shavasana? The internet spells it both ways), and there are poses I want to attempt/work on this week (for my own memory: fallen triangle, crane and side crane, and flipped Down Dog), so that next week I can attempt them in front of people.
The biggest challenge, really, is letting go of comparison to other people. It's a huge mental block if you let it linger. And you'll fall over faster if you don't focus on YOU. A little contrary to the Jesus-Others-You mentality that we're all told is correct (and it is), but on the mat, you just have to be in your own space, and do you own thing. That's why I've liked doing yoga in my own bedroom for all these years - it's impossible to compare yourself to others when there are no others there! But again, challenge is good when we do it gently and with kindness (the instructor said that today).
I was also glad there was no crying. :) But at the risk of getting totally touchy-feely on you, I am learning that you take what you need from yoga, and you GET what you need. Last week, I needed forgiveness. For me, for sassy last-week Kate, for being gentle as I was nervous and learning. This week, I needed a good stretch of my glutes, and to feel empowered, like I can DO THIS. And that's what I got.
Next week, I'm so excited, my friend Ashley asked to join me. Even though she and I have been friends for more than 4 years now, I still feel unusually happy when she asks me to do things, or acts like she "likes me." How silly is that? I have a friend. It's still surprising. I don't mean it in a pity-me way, just in a how-cool-that-this-has-worked-out way. :)
The biggest challenge, really, is letting go of comparison to other people. It's a huge mental block if you let it linger. And you'll fall over faster if you don't focus on YOU. A little contrary to the Jesus-Others-You mentality that we're all told is correct (and it is), but on the mat, you just have to be in your own space, and do you own thing. That's why I've liked doing yoga in my own bedroom for all these years - it's impossible to compare yourself to others when there are no others there! But again, challenge is good when we do it gently and with kindness (the instructor said that today).
I was also glad there was no crying. :) But at the risk of getting totally touchy-feely on you, I am learning that you take what you need from yoga, and you GET what you need. Last week, I needed forgiveness. For me, for sassy last-week Kate, for being gentle as I was nervous and learning. This week, I needed a good stretch of my glutes, and to feel empowered, like I can DO THIS. And that's what I got.
Next week, I'm so excited, my friend Ashley asked to join me. Even though she and I have been friends for more than 4 years now, I still feel unusually happy when she asks me to do things, or acts like she "likes me." How silly is that? I have a friend. It's still surprising. I don't mean it in a pity-me way, just in a how-cool-that-this-has-worked-out way. :)
Tuesday, September 17
Nicer
We had a better weekend, this past. Worked on Saturday, yes. Did the lessons and Cub Scouts and errands and laundry, and I think Shawn mowed the grass, bless him -- general running around. But Sunday we were determined to enjoy the day, after Mass.
We had "lunch" at Dunkin Donuts, which made the kids happy as you can imagine. When we got home, do you know what Shawn and I did? We changed clothes, I poured myself a Coke Zero, and we watched the Falcons game. Without driving anywhere! Without any (or minimal) interruptions from the kids, who were off playing outside with the neighbors! It was so quiet and calm in the den, and we just... watched the game! It was bliss. I told him, "Enjoy this 5 minutes, because you know it can't last much longer." I got up here and there; I think I was thawing something for dinner, and freezing a new batch of ice cream. (I am loving the ice cream maker! Hint: It works best if you use full-fat heavy cream, and whole milk. LOL)
But it did last, long enough anyway.
We had told the kids we'd go on a hike at 4:00. But 4:00 showed up and it was HOT. Too hot for hiking, in my opinion. We offered the pool instead and there was jumping up and down, and "you're the best mommy ever" if I remember correctly.
The pool was super cold, but Alex jumped right in without even testing it first (his new method of entering the pool). BTW, he Jumped In! He is finally, officially a SWIMMER. Complete with diving sticks and everything. Kate was all in, as well, no fear of the cold. I abstained from swimming, for once. It was too cold for me, and I saw a glimpse of my own mother, who gets teased by my father all the time (hello, both of you) for only swimming if it's "bathwater." Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all. :)
Everyone, however, stayed sweet, got along, smiled, soaked up the sun, and then I caught this moment as we were packing up to head home.
We had "lunch" at Dunkin Donuts, which made the kids happy as you can imagine. When we got home, do you know what Shawn and I did? We changed clothes, I poured myself a Coke Zero, and we watched the Falcons game. Without driving anywhere! Without any (or minimal) interruptions from the kids, who were off playing outside with the neighbors! It was so quiet and calm in the den, and we just... watched the game! It was bliss. I told him, "Enjoy this 5 minutes, because you know it can't last much longer." I got up here and there; I think I was thawing something for dinner, and freezing a new batch of ice cream. (I am loving the ice cream maker! Hint: It works best if you use full-fat heavy cream, and whole milk. LOL)
But it did last, long enough anyway.
We had told the kids we'd go on a hike at 4:00. But 4:00 showed up and it was HOT. Too hot for hiking, in my opinion. We offered the pool instead and there was jumping up and down, and "you're the best mommy ever" if I remember correctly.
The pool was super cold, but Alex jumped right in without even testing it first (his new method of entering the pool). BTW, he Jumped In! He is finally, officially a SWIMMER. Complete with diving sticks and everything. Kate was all in, as well, no fear of the cold. I abstained from swimming, for once. It was too cold for me, and I saw a glimpse of my own mother, who gets teased by my father all the time (hello, both of you) for only swimming if it's "bathwater." Mirror, mirror, on the wall, I am my mother after all. :)
Everyone, however, stayed sweet, got along, smiled, soaked up the sun, and then I caught this moment as we were packing up to head home.
.JPG) |
| Kiss of / Peace out. :) |
Friday, September 13
Reporting from the mat
Class #2 today. (Manager didn't mind at all. I even took ownership of being out 1.5 hrs., and apologized. She was fine with it -- forgave me, said "oh, don't even worry about that" -- which is interesting, as you'll read...). I wanted to remember everything so this is mostly stream of consciousness-y.
I don't know if it went better than the previous -- it wasn't worse -- just different. First of all, it was a different teacher - yet another substitute. I haven't yet met the official teacher of this class, who is male, which shouldn't make any difference but, you know. So this 2nd teacher, I really liked. In fact, she was next to me the last time, taking the class with us. She is very "down to earth," which sounds cliche, but she stopped the consistent yoga-talk during class, to tell us a little story or to laugh about something. She often teased (and praised) the pregnant woman in class today about her beautiful belly. It was real. It wasn't JUST yoga, you know? It sounded just like the rest of life and that was a comfort.
I was nervous again. Butterflies nervous. Also because I'd been having a very gassy tummy all day. My truth. Sorry. I was slightly concerned about it. What might happen?! Hee.
She told us she's Jewish - so perfect because last night I was listening to the "musical memories of the high holy days," hosted by Itzak Perlman, on NPR (love), and it's Yom Kippur tomorrow. All about forgiveness -- forgiveness of SELF, for not being perfect, we all need forgiveness from others, and to be forgiving of others.
That's a language Catholics speak. Made me feel at home in Hindu-land.
In line with that "theme" for the class (the last teacher didn't do this), I made my word, my intention, "okay." Simple. Lame, maybe.
begin in child's pose, head to the mat. In prayer.
I felt uncomfortable with that until she said something like "here with mother earth." Which I liked.
was not as hard -- I didn't come out of the room already sore
she made more of taking your OWN pose, what feels good to you, right now
she said it's "more than just a physical workout, which is awesome, but there's more."
I was wearing better clothes.
the air conditioning! Wasn't turned ON until the middle of class. So it wasn't just ME being wimpy last time (because there was no AC then either)!
self-conscious about the number of times she came over to adjust my positions. eek. I want to take it as, "we can all learn from someone" and obviously she's a TEACHER and I'm the STUDENT, duh. Still, I checked and hoped that she was adjusting other people, too.
I wasn't the only one looking around, comparing. She kept telling us all, gently, to close our eyes.
and then, it brought me to tears
At the end of the class she came around and did some little nice thing on my forehead. Traced a swirly thingy. I know she could tell my chin was quivering. And when we came out of Savasana, I know she could see the tears in my eyes and on my cheeks. She looked right into them.
I don't know how the teachers react to such things. (translation: what is she thinking about me now?)
I don't know why I was crying, I wanted to stop, I wasn't sad, just moved, in a good way -- and I really tried to just. breathe. let it go. She did 3 "ohmmmms" at the end and that helped distract me. It was just like singing but I felt weird.
Guess I was cleansed. It was so nice, thinking about forgiving, being in that space, being imperfect, being "fixed" by a teacher, and being told again and again that it was okay.
I don't know if it went better than the previous -- it wasn't worse -- just different. First of all, it was a different teacher - yet another substitute. I haven't yet met the official teacher of this class, who is male, which shouldn't make any difference but, you know. So this 2nd teacher, I really liked. In fact, she was next to me the last time, taking the class with us. She is very "down to earth," which sounds cliche, but she stopped the consistent yoga-talk during class, to tell us a little story or to laugh about something. She often teased (and praised) the pregnant woman in class today about her beautiful belly. It was real. It wasn't JUST yoga, you know? It sounded just like the rest of life and that was a comfort.
I was nervous again. Butterflies nervous. Also because I'd been having a very gassy tummy all day. My truth. Sorry. I was slightly concerned about it. What might happen?! Hee.
She told us she's Jewish - so perfect because last night I was listening to the "musical memories of the high holy days," hosted by Itzak Perlman, on NPR (love), and it's Yom Kippur tomorrow. All about forgiveness -- forgiveness of SELF, for not being perfect, we all need forgiveness from others, and to be forgiving of others.
That's a language Catholics speak. Made me feel at home in Hindu-land.
In line with that "theme" for the class (the last teacher didn't do this), I made my word, my intention, "okay." Simple. Lame, maybe.
begin in child's pose, head to the mat. In prayer.
I felt uncomfortable with that until she said something like "here with mother earth." Which I liked.
was not as hard -- I didn't come out of the room already sore
she made more of taking your OWN pose, what feels good to you, right now
she said it's "more than just a physical workout, which is awesome, but there's more."
I was wearing better clothes.
the air conditioning! Wasn't turned ON until the middle of class. So it wasn't just ME being wimpy last time (because there was no AC then either)!
self-conscious about the number of times she came over to adjust my positions. eek. I want to take it as, "we can all learn from someone" and obviously she's a TEACHER and I'm the STUDENT, duh. Still, I checked and hoped that she was adjusting other people, too.
I wasn't the only one looking around, comparing. She kept telling us all, gently, to close our eyes.
and then, it brought me to tears
At the end of the class she came around and did some little nice thing on my forehead. Traced a swirly thingy. I know she could tell my chin was quivering. And when we came out of Savasana, I know she could see the tears in my eyes and on my cheeks. She looked right into them.
I don't know how the teachers react to such things. (translation: what is she thinking about me now?)
I don't know why I was crying, I wanted to stop, I wasn't sad, just moved, in a good way -- and I really tried to just. breathe. let it go. She did 3 "ohmmmms" at the end and that helped distract me. It was just like singing but I felt weird.
Guess I was cleansed. It was so nice, thinking about forgiving, being in that space, being imperfect, being "fixed" by a teacher, and being told again and again that it was okay.
State of the days
(From Tuesday) I really have SO much work to do right now. Like, if there isn't a list of products that I need to update in both English and Spanish (I don't translate 'em, I just copy/paste it in), then there's that email I need to write to that freelancer, and there's an article that needs editing for the other site, and there's also the statistics reports that haven't been done for this month and the email blast that still needs to be created and approved and sent out, today.
That's what I have on my list. There's no way all of that's going to get done today.
Annnnnnnnd I just got a phone call and I think I wasn't very kind to the person on the other end. I wasn't mean, I mean, I just expressed my annoyance in a noticeable way. Shame on me.
I don't know, some days it's just not a lot of fun, you know? It's fine, it's just not FUN. I want to be grateful for those days, and I am, but... meh.
We had a weekend day like that recently. Two days, in fact, and the kids thought so, especially: the days were fine, they just weren't fun. We had our normal easy Saturday morning, with waffles (Eggo, don't be fooled) and Cartoon Network and me on my phone. And then we went off to all the activities while DH mowed the lawn. Ballet on one side of the highway, jiu jitsu on the other. I dropped off and picked up and watched and taxi'd and went to the restroom in both places, and we even had a small snack in between. And then we ran errands -- haircuts, shoe buying, Lowe's Home Improvement shopping, the ushe (I looked it up; that IS how you spell it). Stuff we had to get done.
On Sunday, we went to Mass at 10:45, then drove across town to watch the first Falcons game of the season with our friends. It's always good to see them, and we ate awesome cheeseburgers!, but it's an hour-long haul to get there, and another hour back. Their boys are older than our kids, and usually they play really well together despite that difference in age, but the 14-year-old is now in high school and has less brain-space available for little guys. I understand. But I think my kids were bored. I felt bad that when we got home it was dinnertime, then - school night - bath and bed. We really felt kind-of cheated overall.
So Shawn and I (I'm still getting used to using real names here, it's weird) talked about how we have to be mindful and plan more FUN things. We have a lot of commitments on the weekends, but a day at the mountain, an easy trip downtown to see stuff, a picnic here and a frisbee game there -- we want to do these things for our kids. If they'll even appreciate them! Sometimes we spend so much time barking at the kids to "be kind to each other" and listening to "he is touching me!" -- tired old boring CLICHES! That are TRUE! -- that we can't enjoy fun things, anyway. Is it an attitude change on our part that's needed? Or kinder kids??
..........
(today, Friday) The whole week has just been FULL at work. Not terrible, just full. Meetings and tasks. There hasn't been time to let the mind wander too much. No solo lunch hours, for errands or a walk or just LUNCH, except I think Tuesday I went to the bank and the dry cleaners. I came back after 30 minutes because I had a lot of stuff to get back to. I had a "working lunch" yesterday with colleagues. It was longer than an hour, and paid for (nice!), but it wasn't relaxing. So I'm looking forward to yoga today, even though my manager IS here and will likely notice that I'm gone more than an hour. Hope she won't say anything. She started taking yoga, too, on her own inspiration at a different place.
We went to the Girl Scouts information meeting yesterday, Kate and I. My experience with Girl Scouts was short-lived, unfortunately, but I feel like she deserves a chance just like her brother has had with Cub Scouts. I can't be the troop leader, although part of me wants to (which Shawn finds baffling, given his Cub Scouts experience). I know I simply don't have the time and I can't get off work, anyway -- the meetings are Wednesdays at 3:30. It's good the info session was on a Thursday, my busiest day of the week when I always wonder, "Am I doing too much?" But I do hope some lovely moms step in, and volunteer, for Kate's sake. I'll help any way I can. I want to get plugged in to that group of women at our church/school.
That's the state of things. Moving right along and nearing October, which is hard to believe!
That's what I have on my list. There's no way all of that's going to get done today.
Annnnnnnnd I just got a phone call and I think I wasn't very kind to the person on the other end. I wasn't mean, I mean, I just expressed my annoyance in a noticeable way. Shame on me.
I don't know, some days it's just not a lot of fun, you know? It's fine, it's just not FUN. I want to be grateful for those days, and I am, but... meh.
We had a weekend day like that recently. Two days, in fact, and the kids thought so, especially: the days were fine, they just weren't fun. We had our normal easy Saturday morning, with waffles (Eggo, don't be fooled) and Cartoon Network and me on my phone. And then we went off to all the activities while DH mowed the lawn. Ballet on one side of the highway, jiu jitsu on the other. I dropped off and picked up and watched and taxi'd and went to the restroom in both places, and we even had a small snack in between. And then we ran errands -- haircuts, shoe buying, Lowe's Home Improvement shopping, the ushe (I looked it up; that IS how you spell it). Stuff we had to get done.
On Sunday, we went to Mass at 10:45, then drove across town to watch the first Falcons game of the season with our friends. It's always good to see them, and we ate awesome cheeseburgers!, but it's an hour-long haul to get there, and another hour back. Their boys are older than our kids, and usually they play really well together despite that difference in age, but the 14-year-old is now in high school and has less brain-space available for little guys. I understand. But I think my kids were bored. I felt bad that when we got home it was dinnertime, then - school night - bath and bed. We really felt kind-of cheated overall.
So Shawn and I (I'm still getting used to using real names here, it's weird) talked about how we have to be mindful and plan more FUN things. We have a lot of commitments on the weekends, but a day at the mountain, an easy trip downtown to see stuff, a picnic here and a frisbee game there -- we want to do these things for our kids. If they'll even appreciate them! Sometimes we spend so much time barking at the kids to "be kind to each other" and listening to "he is touching me!" -- tired old boring CLICHES! That are TRUE! -- that we can't enjoy fun things, anyway. Is it an attitude change on our part that's needed? Or kinder kids??
..........
(today, Friday) The whole week has just been FULL at work. Not terrible, just full. Meetings and tasks. There hasn't been time to let the mind wander too much. No solo lunch hours, for errands or a walk or just LUNCH, except I think Tuesday I went to the bank and the dry cleaners. I came back after 30 minutes because I had a lot of stuff to get back to. I had a "working lunch" yesterday with colleagues. It was longer than an hour, and paid for (nice!), but it wasn't relaxing. So I'm looking forward to yoga today, even though my manager IS here and will likely notice that I'm gone more than an hour. Hope she won't say anything. She started taking yoga, too, on her own inspiration at a different place.
We went to the Girl Scouts information meeting yesterday, Kate and I. My experience with Girl Scouts was short-lived, unfortunately, but I feel like she deserves a chance just like her brother has had with Cub Scouts. I can't be the troop leader, although part of me wants to (which Shawn finds baffling, given his Cub Scouts experience). I know I simply don't have the time and I can't get off work, anyway -- the meetings are Wednesdays at 3:30. It's good the info session was on a Thursday, my busiest day of the week when I always wonder, "Am I doing too much?" But I do hope some lovely moms step in, and volunteer, for Kate's sake. I'll help any way I can. I want to get plugged in to that group of women at our church/school.
That's the state of things. Moving right along and nearing October, which is hard to believe!
Friday, September 6
Bought me some yoga
I committed to the yoga studio, buying a 7-class "card" today.
I couldn't attend this Friday's class (today), because my manager who usually works from home on Fridays, enabling me to be on "lunch-hour" for more than 1 hour, is IN the office today. (It's a 45-minute class, but getting there, parking, cooling off in the restroom for 10 minutes after the sweaty sweat-session.... etc.) I found myself rather sad that I wasn't going today, and kept remembering last Friday afternoon and how great I felt. Exhausted. Energized. Zen. (Conflicted about feeling Zen, but still Zen.) Mindful. Deeply breathing and calm. Sore that night and Saturday, but okay by Monday. I am still nervous about going back, of course. Even though I already did the hardest part of Trying It, and I didn't fail. I don't know why I think I'm not good enough -- I am. I've always been pretty flexible, and yoga's not about winning or being the best, anyway. It meets everyone where they are, as they say. Maybe I just think I'm not "granola" enough. It's all in my head.
So now this weekend, I want to buy something to wear. Everything changes when you are going somewhere public for your exercise! Ha! One nice thing about yoga is, there are no expensive shoes to buy. But you do want a top that won't expose everything when you're upside down. :) Everything I find is spaghetti-strappy, though, and that's not really my preference. We'll see.
I couldn't attend this Friday's class (today), because my manager who usually works from home on Fridays, enabling me to be on "lunch-hour" for more than 1 hour, is IN the office today. (It's a 45-minute class, but getting there, parking, cooling off in the restroom for 10 minutes after the sweaty sweat-session.... etc.) I found myself rather sad that I wasn't going today, and kept remembering last Friday afternoon and how great I felt. Exhausted. Energized. Zen. (Conflicted about feeling Zen, but still Zen.) Mindful. Deeply breathing and calm. Sore that night and Saturday, but okay by Monday. I am still nervous about going back, of course. Even though I already did the hardest part of Trying It, and I didn't fail. I don't know why I think I'm not good enough -- I am. I've always been pretty flexible, and yoga's not about winning or being the best, anyway. It meets everyone where they are, as they say. Maybe I just think I'm not "granola" enough. It's all in my head.
So now this weekend, I want to buy something to wear. Everything changes when you are going somewhere public for your exercise! Ha! One nice thing about yoga is, there are no expensive shoes to buy. But you do want a top that won't expose everything when you're upside down. :) Everything I find is spaghetti-strappy, though, and that's not really my preference. We'll see.
Wednesday, September 4
Yoga class
Last Friday, I went to a yoga class. I have been wanting to take a class again for a long time -- a really long time -- and I have done a lot of yoga, on my own, since the last time I took a class, in 1999. YES. Fourteen years ago! Shawn and I signed up together for a beginners' class when we were dating, for a "semester," and we walked to the yoga studio near his apartment every Sunday afternoon. It was lovely.
Since then, I have done yoga DVDs, prenatal yoga, made-up variations based on how I like to stretch, and yoga On Demand on TV. I've learned a lot of the poses that we were too "newbie" to learn, in that first class (in fact, I think the thing we did most in that first class was Savasana, the corspe pose, which we called "sleeping" and one guy in our class called "snoring").
So I decided on a whim last week to do a Google search, I found a 45-minute noon class near my office, and went all alone to check it out. I had to be brave. I don't like working out with other people. And when I got there, there were several young, lithe girls with their hair in perfect messy buns, wearing fitted spaghetti-strap tank tops and tight pants. Thankfully, there was also a grey-haired man in a t-shirt, so I felt like I could bridge that gap.
Our 20-something cheerleader/ballerina instructor (I read her bio online) spoke in that wonderfully soothing way that yoga instructors speak, and she got us started right away with some Cat-Cow poses and quickly into Chaturanga. We did lots and lots of Chaturangas (push-ups, basically, if you don't know). I didn't notice them at the time but I NOTICED 8 HOURS AFTERWARDS. Good lord.
I could follow along, mostly, although she did some sequences differently than I'd done them before. I got so hot and sweaty, I was embarrassed. And my face always gets more red than strictly necessary. I hadn't pulled my newly-long hair back, either, and that was a mistake. I looked like a literal hot mess. I couldn't keep my mind properly free of worry; mostly I was thinking, "Surely it'll be over soon??" Also some "I feel fat and is everyone looking at me? Am I doing this wrong?" Clearly, I have some things to work on, mentally. Physically, I was able to keep up. I kind-of wish it had been less vinyasa and more "learn some poses," but challenge is good, right? I'm trying to decide if and when I'll go back. I might need to be even MORE brave to do that. Show my face again, heh. But it was a really great workout, for sure, and I continued the deep, calming breaths through the rest of the afternoon, which felt lovely.
At the end of class, the instructor called it "sweet Savasana," which is so perfect.
Since then, I have done yoga DVDs, prenatal yoga, made-up variations based on how I like to stretch, and yoga On Demand on TV. I've learned a lot of the poses that we were too "newbie" to learn, in that first class (in fact, I think the thing we did most in that first class was Savasana, the corspe pose, which we called "sleeping" and one guy in our class called "snoring").
So I decided on a whim last week to do a Google search, I found a 45-minute noon class near my office, and went all alone to check it out. I had to be brave. I don't like working out with other people. And when I got there, there were several young, lithe girls with their hair in perfect messy buns, wearing fitted spaghetti-strap tank tops and tight pants. Thankfully, there was also a grey-haired man in a t-shirt, so I felt like I could bridge that gap.
Our 20-something cheerleader/ballerina instructor (I read her bio online) spoke in that wonderfully soothing way that yoga instructors speak, and she got us started right away with some Cat-Cow poses and quickly into Chaturanga. We did lots and lots of Chaturangas (push-ups, basically, if you don't know). I didn't notice them at the time but I NOTICED 8 HOURS AFTERWARDS. Good lord.
I could follow along, mostly, although she did some sequences differently than I'd done them before. I got so hot and sweaty, I was embarrassed. And my face always gets more red than strictly necessary. I hadn't pulled my newly-long hair back, either, and that was a mistake. I looked like a literal hot mess. I couldn't keep my mind properly free of worry; mostly I was thinking, "Surely it'll be over soon??" Also some "I feel fat and is everyone looking at me? Am I doing this wrong?" Clearly, I have some things to work on, mentally. Physically, I was able to keep up. I kind-of wish it had been less vinyasa and more "learn some poses," but challenge is good, right? I'm trying to decide if and when I'll go back. I might need to be even MORE brave to do that. Show my face again, heh. But it was a really great workout, for sure, and I continued the deep, calming breaths through the rest of the afternoon, which felt lovely.
At the end of class, the instructor called it "sweet Savasana," which is so perfect.
Wednesday, August 28
Going behind the curtain. Goodbye (ish).
As of tomorrow night, this blog will be private. I've been thinking about it a while and am no longer interested in sharing my thoughts with the whole world, even semi-anonymously.
If you would like me to add you to the private list of approved readers, I should hope you know how to find me and tell me so in a private way. (If you don't, quick! leave a comment with some way I can contact you.)
Sorry for the somewhat abrupt decision.
If you would like me to add you to the private list of approved readers, I should hope you know how to find me and tell me so in a private way. (If you don't, quick! leave a comment with some way I can contact you.)
Sorry for the somewhat abrupt decision.
Yellow!
We knew it wouldn't take too long for little miss KT to move her clip from Green to Yellow at school. All you parents know what that means. Bless her heart. She's done exceptionally well these first 13 days of her Kindergarten career, even getting to go to the Treasure Box for good behavior on Monday. We have long known, though, that she is a little bit spunky and sometimes doesn't know when to tone the personality down and behave. And she has a giggled-about reputation at the old daycare for generally considering herself in-charge, in the classroom.
Actually, her offense wasn't what I imagined -- she was cited yesterday for "running down the slide." Unsafe, sure. A lesson I'm glad they want to teach her because she frequently runs down the hill on our driveway in her flip-flops and makes me cringe for her potential bloodied knees. All the same, not something for which I'm going to punish her further.
So yesterday I picked the kids up in carpool. As usual, AJ was All Words, telling me what his class is working on in, umm, science I think it was (sometimes I tune it out). KT patiently waited her turn and I asked her a few questions about whom she played with at recess, and how the SuperKid of the day was doing. She was quiet, the norm after these long Kindergarten days. Sometimes she still falls asleep in the car during our 20-minute drive home. (It's a shame traffic is so heavy at 3:30-4:00 on weekdays - we drive less than 7 miles through residential neighborhoods but we pass 2 different schools, and there's a hospital next door to our school, so I think shift-change and the other schools make it ugly.) I should have known something was up, though, when she hid her green folder from me, and told me to look at it after she went to bed. "Did you stay on green today?" I asked her, and she told me "Yes." *raised eyebrows* But we had dinner to attend to, and a Cub Scout meeting, and an evening walk for KT and me, and then bathtime and her new library book (Amelia Bedelia).
When I mentioned and had to sign the note that I found this morning, hidden in her folder, she left the kitchen table, embarrassed.
School, 1, KT, 0. Let's hope she gets it. I may have to address the outright lie at some point. Eek.
Big-Kid School, man. They really do learn things!
Actually, her offense wasn't what I imagined -- she was cited yesterday for "running down the slide." Unsafe, sure. A lesson I'm glad they want to teach her because she frequently runs down the hill on our driveway in her flip-flops and makes me cringe for her potential bloodied knees. All the same, not something for which I'm going to punish her further.
So yesterday I picked the kids up in carpool. As usual, AJ was All Words, telling me what his class is working on in, umm, science I think it was (sometimes I tune it out). KT patiently waited her turn and I asked her a few questions about whom she played with at recess, and how the SuperKid of the day was doing. She was quiet, the norm after these long Kindergarten days. Sometimes she still falls asleep in the car during our 20-minute drive home. (It's a shame traffic is so heavy at 3:30-4:00 on weekdays - we drive less than 7 miles through residential neighborhoods but we pass 2 different schools, and there's a hospital next door to our school, so I think shift-change and the other schools make it ugly.) I should have known something was up, though, when she hid her green folder from me, and told me to look at it after she went to bed. "Did you stay on green today?" I asked her, and she told me "Yes." *raised eyebrows* But we had dinner to attend to, and a Cub Scout meeting, and an evening walk for KT and me, and then bathtime and her new library book (Amelia Bedelia).
When I mentioned and had to sign the note that I found this morning, hidden in her folder, she left the kitchen table, embarrassed.
School, 1, KT, 0. Let's hope she gets it. I may have to address the outright lie at some point. Eek.
Big-Kid School, man. They really do learn things!
Tuesday, August 20
Mornings and afternoons and evenings
Right now, with KT and AJ at the same school, this is what it looks like:
Mornings: Easier
It might be due to my nighttime prep of the lunchboxes (see below), because I'm so far being very consistent about that. But the "morning rush" isn't so rushed anymore. This week I'm trying to get the kids to eat a better breakfast, so I'm giving them a daily "menu:" instead of offering everything I have in the pantry, they get to choose from two options. They had gotten into the habit of eating nearly the same thing every morning, and with AJ's trying to gain weight, I wasn't arguing -- if he wanted Sausage and Pancake on a stick every day, fine with me. But I do think I need to curb that a bit, and get some variety in there. Anyway, breakfast, then getting dressed -- and we're (KT) not fighting so much about the new uniform as we did about the old one, praise God -- and then vitamins, coffee, and out the door.
(Early days I still get up at 5:00 and get myself ready so I can get them breakfast and then leave by 6:15, to get to work 6:30. I've been good about going to bed at 10 so it hasn't been too painful!)
Of course I can say all this because we decided, now that they're at the same school, that DH would drop off and I would pick up, every day. So of course I think morning is easy! But I don't think he feels rushed, necessarily, except one Tuesday last week when he was. They get to school around 7:20, I'm guessing, and wait for morning carpool which starts 7:35. I actually think it's good time together with Daddy. Sometimes the kids bicker in the back seat but other times, they don't. They have their lap-desks in his car now and they either read or draw or pretend (I think).
Afternoons: Good so far
On M, W, F, I pick them up right around 4:45 from our school's aftercare program. I just love the aftercare teacher, and I can tell KT likes her, too. One bonus is that she has a classmate who is also in aftercare and they've become buddies. Yesterday before leaving, KT reached her arms to Cassie (we'll call her) and said, "Hugs!" So cute.
On T, Th, I race out of my office at 3:15, which is when carpool begins, and pray at every traffic light that I'll get there before it's over. So far, so good. This is the only part I hate about those afternoons -- that drive. Work hasn't been snippy about my early days so far this school-year, but I still have leftover angst about it. They allow me flextime but I know they don't really like it. Oh well, too bad. We go home, have a snack, change clothes, and most days go to AJ's jiu jitsu class.(KT's ballet is only on Friday nights/Saturday mornings so it isn't an afternoon factor.)
Evenings:Yep yep
Still having to help KT with her bath. When she starts taking a shower by herself, we will be golden. She's doing much better about bedtime. Kindergarten is tiring! The last few nights, we've read one story, then I turn the light off and sit with her for 1 song, and then she's okay with me leaving, as long as I say, "I'll see you in 5, if you don't fall asleep," and "Good Night, I love you, Sweet Dreams." AJ isn't back to his reading habit yet, but I think it will start up again soon. (I want him to want to read for 15-30 minutes in bed.) He'll have lots of books to read for school here, shortly.
Then I go downstairs and make lunches, watch a little TV, do laundry with DH.
It's working like a well-oiled machine, dear Diary. Please don't let me have just jinxed it by writing that. Watch, today I won't make it to carpool....
Mornings: Easier
It might be due to my nighttime prep of the lunchboxes (see below), because I'm so far being very consistent about that. But the "morning rush" isn't so rushed anymore. This week I'm trying to get the kids to eat a better breakfast, so I'm giving them a daily "menu:" instead of offering everything I have in the pantry, they get to choose from two options. They had gotten into the habit of eating nearly the same thing every morning, and with AJ's trying to gain weight, I wasn't arguing -- if he wanted Sausage and Pancake on a stick every day, fine with me. But I do think I need to curb that a bit, and get some variety in there. Anyway, breakfast, then getting dressed -- and we're (KT) not fighting so much about the new uniform as we did about the old one, praise God -- and then vitamins, coffee, and out the door.
(Early days I still get up at 5:00 and get myself ready so I can get them breakfast and then leave by 6:15, to get to work 6:30. I've been good about going to bed at 10 so it hasn't been too painful!)
Of course I can say all this because we decided, now that they're at the same school, that DH would drop off and I would pick up, every day. So of course I think morning is easy! But I don't think he feels rushed, necessarily, except one Tuesday last week when he was. They get to school around 7:20, I'm guessing, and wait for morning carpool which starts 7:35. I actually think it's good time together with Daddy. Sometimes the kids bicker in the back seat but other times, they don't. They have their lap-desks in his car now and they either read or draw or pretend (I think).
Afternoons: Good so far
On M, W, F, I pick them up right around 4:45 from our school's aftercare program. I just love the aftercare teacher, and I can tell KT likes her, too. One bonus is that she has a classmate who is also in aftercare and they've become buddies. Yesterday before leaving, KT reached her arms to Cassie (we'll call her) and said, "Hugs!" So cute.
On T, Th, I race out of my office at 3:15, which is when carpool begins, and pray at every traffic light that I'll get there before it's over. So far, so good. This is the only part I hate about those afternoons -- that drive. Work hasn't been snippy about my early days so far this school-year, but I still have leftover angst about it. They allow me flextime but I know they don't really like it. Oh well, too bad. We go home, have a snack, change clothes, and most days go to AJ's jiu jitsu class.(KT's ballet is only on Friday nights/Saturday mornings so it isn't an afternoon factor.)
Evenings:Yep yep
Still having to help KT with her bath. When she starts taking a shower by herself, we will be golden. She's doing much better about bedtime. Kindergarten is tiring! The last few nights, we've read one story, then I turn the light off and sit with her for 1 song, and then she's okay with me leaving, as long as I say, "I'll see you in 5, if you don't fall asleep," and "Good Night, I love you, Sweet Dreams." AJ isn't back to his reading habit yet, but I think it will start up again soon. (I want him to want to read for 15-30 minutes in bed.) He'll have lots of books to read for school here, shortly.
Then I go downstairs and make lunches, watch a little TV, do laundry with DH.
It's working like a well-oiled machine, dear Diary. Please don't let me have just jinxed it by writing that. Watch, today I won't make it to carpool....
Monday, August 12
Good to go
I am happy to report that all the things are Good.
- KT had a great first half-day on Friday and she looked just adorable walking out to my car for pick-up, with sweet, protective big brother AJ telling her, "This way, K." Today's first REAL (full) day will, I hope, bring equal success and even more new friends and homework! :)
- First Ballet class at our new studio also went well Saturday. KT's already had more ballet instruction than I did, so I'm jealous.
- Our house is clean. Or, relatively. If I can motivate, tonight, to vacuum the downstairs, we'll be golden. It's so nice to have a husband who dusts, and a weekend with time to do those kinds of tasks.
- Our drop-off/pick-up schedule is new & improved, and seemed to work well this morning. I still have to start doing my 5:00 am wake-ups tomorrow. I say "have to;" it's my choice, of course, but it FEELS like have-to. Still, I'm looking forward to those 2 days/week of after-school time around our kitchen table, all three of us.
- Half of AJ's Summer Reading Project -- the craft half -- is done, and turned in. The 6-10 sentence book report is due Friday and I think he can handle it himself. Or, let me be more precise: He'd better be able to write a 6-sentence book report at this stage of the game! And by the way, I hate doing crafts with kids. I have sooooo little patience. It makes me feel like a jerk, and them like failures, I'm sure -- just a bad scene all the way around.
- I have a week's worth of yummy dinners planned, and a basket full of pre-portioned snacks for the 2 lunchboxes. It was so fun getting those all ready to go this weekend! I'm trying to give the kids identical lunches as much as I can -- do you do this? -- one kid can't get potato chips if the other one gets pretzel sticks. There would be mutiny. Of course they both have their main-dish preferences. KT likes bologna, AJ only tolerates it, and vice versa for Peanut Butter.
- Speaking of what we eat: I am doing an experiment. I'm trying to eat no tortilla chips for the month of August. Yesterday I had one. But just one. This morning the scale was 2 pounds down and I am choosing to believe the chips-fast has everything to do with it. Not that I could ever give them up completely, but maybe this will help me get over what I think is my addiction. Salsa, guac, queso -- I'm always all-in, can't stop, and that is probably no bueno.
- Updated to add: Forgot to mention my new ice cream maker makes an AMAZING Strawberry Ice Cream. It was my favorite as a child, and might be my favorite again! It helps that it uses whole milk and half and half and real sugar. Watch out.
- Lastly, I had a mammogram and ultrasound this morning after the gyn found something she could palpate 2 weeks ago. (Sorry Mom, to tell you this way... I didn't see the need to worry anyone unnecessarily. Very nearly didn't tell DH, but decided I'd better.) The report was fine (and I was surprised they gave me the results right then and there). Very likely nothing to worry about. I can choose to have it biopsied if I want the extra peace of mind. I'm not sure yet if I need that, or if I'd rather skip the hassle. Funniest part was, if any part of a mammogram is funny, a co-worker of mine walked into the waiting room about 10 minutes after I did. It was very good to see a friendly face and have a little levity in that waiting room. They make it seem like a spa in a lot of ways, but inside, even if you 'think positive,' you don't feel like a spa.
Tuesday, August 6
Just a small wish
KT Baby. BAY-BEE. She's still so little sometimes, in my mind.
I remember this same day in her brother's educational timeline, like it was yesterday (possibly because I re-read that post a lot). KT's was similar, today. We packed up the car this morning with all the heavy bags and books, shiny clean school supplies, sharpened Ticonderoga pencils. Naturally she has a bright pink, sparkly Barbie backpack. She heaved it over her shoulders like a pro. She wore one of her many princess CROWNS all the way there. (I suggested we take it off when we got there, and lo and behold, she complied.) She walked confidently down the sidewalk with AJ and me; we were laughing about a song she was singing to herself. She knows the building and walked right in, no hesitation.
And then of all the darndest things, my little social butterfly, who fears nothing and no one, clammed up. She was welcomed and greeted with huge smiles from the teachers, and she replied with quiet little one-word answers. Like her mother would have, at that age! Bless. her. heart. I have never -- wait, let me think... no, not really -- seen her act shy in her life. We unpacked her bags and packed her desk while she sat, taking it all in. She found her cubby, she looked around at the available toys and books, and I think she was pleased... but you know what? It's a whole new ballgame. I never would have guessed nervousness for this child, but there it was.
The other night, we were getting her ready for bed and she asked me, "Mommy, will I have a best-best friend at my new school, like Alyse (her BFF now)?" And, OH, how that got me right in the heart. I said, "Oh, YES, sweetheart, I know you're going to have a best friend at your new school. You're going to have lots of friends." That's a mother's only wish, really, isn't it? That she have one friend.
Well, and that she'll have everything. Everything.
P.S. I did cry, this morning at the daycare, dropping them off after Orientation, for the very last time. I knew I would (and you did, too).
I remember this same day in her brother's educational timeline, like it was yesterday (possibly because I re-read that post a lot). KT's was similar, today. We packed up the car this morning with all the heavy bags and books, shiny clean school supplies, sharpened Ticonderoga pencils. Naturally she has a bright pink, sparkly Barbie backpack. She heaved it over her shoulders like a pro. She wore one of her many princess CROWNS all the way there. (I suggested we take it off when we got there, and lo and behold, she complied.) She walked confidently down the sidewalk with AJ and me; we were laughing about a song she was singing to herself. She knows the building and walked right in, no hesitation.
And then of all the darndest things, my little social butterfly, who fears nothing and no one, clammed up. She was welcomed and greeted with huge smiles from the teachers, and she replied with quiet little one-word answers. Like her mother would have, at that age! Bless. her. heart. I have never -- wait, let me think... no, not really -- seen her act shy in her life. We unpacked her bags and packed her desk while she sat, taking it all in. She found her cubby, she looked around at the available toys and books, and I think she was pleased... but you know what? It's a whole new ballgame. I never would have guessed nervousness for this child, but there it was.
The other night, we were getting her ready for bed and she asked me, "Mommy, will I have a best-best friend at my new school, like Alyse (her BFF now)?" And, OH, how that got me right in the heart. I said, "Oh, YES, sweetheart, I know you're going to have a best friend at your new school. You're going to have lots of friends." That's a mother's only wish, really, isn't it? That she have one friend.
Well, and that she'll have everything. Everything.
P.S. I did cry, this morning at the daycare, dropping them off after Orientation, for the very last time. I knew I would (and you did, too).
Friday, August 2
Ice Cream Maker!
To celebrate National Ice Cream Month (who knew?) in July, I had a Cuisinart Ice Cream maker shipped to my doorstep direct from the Amazon. Or, amazon.com, however you'd prefer to say it. I think it's THE Amazon, anymore -- I doubt the next generation will realize that there exists a rainforest of the same name! It's not like they can go to their parents' bookshelf and look it up in the Encyclopedia now, is it?? (What's an encyclopedia?, I bet they'd ask.)
ANYWAY... I got an ice cream maker the other day. This is something I've been thinking I wanted for several months now. I like ice cream. My kids like ice cream. My husband likes it, too, and we all especially like making ice cream cones in the summertime. (I don't mean making the cones -- those come straight out of the box.) I could say that ice cream from the grocery store is getting expensive, because it is. But mostly, my desire to make my own is nostalgia at play.
For one of my birthdays (or was it Dad's birthday?), I remember Mom making homemade pink peppermint ice cream. When I can duplicate THAT recipe, this purchase will have paid for itself, but to start with, last night I made a dark chocolate for my very first try.
These days, you buy an automatic ice cream maker, countertop version. It's nothing like the wooden bucket that we plugged in on the back porch outside when I was little. There's no rock salt involved. (I made enough of a mess with the cocoa powder; I don't think I need the extra hassle of ice cubes and rock salt.) I used the recipe in the booklet that came with the machine.
After the recommended 35 minutes, it was more like a cool, unfinished pudding and I was worried. But I stuck it in the freezer as advised. This morning I had a little taste. It reminded me of the flavor of a Starbucks Mocha, actually, so I'm pretty excited to have a big bowl later this evening.
That's all. I made some ice cream. :) It made me happy.
ANYWAY... I got an ice cream maker the other day. This is something I've been thinking I wanted for several months now. I like ice cream. My kids like ice cream. My husband likes it, too, and we all especially like making ice cream cones in the summertime. (I don't mean making the cones -- those come straight out of the box.) I could say that ice cream from the grocery store is getting expensive, because it is. But mostly, my desire to make my own is nostalgia at play.
For one of my birthdays (or was it Dad's birthday?), I remember Mom making homemade pink peppermint ice cream. When I can duplicate THAT recipe, this purchase will have paid for itself, but to start with, last night I made a dark chocolate for my very first try.
These days, you buy an automatic ice cream maker, countertop version. It's nothing like the wooden bucket that we plugged in on the back porch outside when I was little. There's no rock salt involved. (I made enough of a mess with the cocoa powder; I don't think I need the extra hassle of ice cubes and rock salt.) I used the recipe in the booklet that came with the machine.
After the recommended 35 minutes, it was more like a cool, unfinished pudding and I was worried. But I stuck it in the freezer as advised. This morning I had a little taste. It reminded me of the flavor of a Starbucks Mocha, actually, so I'm pretty excited to have a big bowl later this evening.
That's all. I made some ice cream. :) It made me happy.
Wednesday, July 31
Various stuff, with a KT fashion moment
The kids are away again, this time at DH's parents' house. I know they're having fun - visiting their baby cousin, going to Game Stop where their Gam will indulge them, eating lots of bacon (she, to her credit, always has bacon). ;)
Before they left, KT put together a somewhat noteworthy outfit:
That's a pink Atlanta Falcons jersey (slightly too small), white bike shorts with little sunglasses all over them, and Crocs-tennies with no socks. I am pretty sure she had blue and green underwear under the white shorts, just to make a statement. I shake my head sometimes. But I let her do it -- we're on the 8-day countdown until Catholic School Uniforms for 9 years, so this is her last chance for daily personality through her clothing.
Speaking of that: I thought I would be more sad that we're nearing the very last days at our daycare. I mean, we have been driving there every weekday morning since October of 2004. I have shed not one tear, which is unusual. Maybe next Tuesday I'll feel something? It's looking doubtful, though. OH WELL. Thank you for not deducting all the money from my bank account once a week anymore! Bye!
Perhaps I'm just excited about her joining her brother in big-kid school! YES, yes I am.
With the kids gone, we went out to dinner last night with another couple who are also kid-less this week. Had such a great time. We are a lot alike and I'm so grateful to call them friends. Of course, all we could talk about was our kids the entire evening -- what they're reading (or not reading, in AJ's case -- he forgets HOW during the summers), what they're doing for extra-curriculars this fall, how they manage, funny things they say -- but it's part of the joy of being parents to get to share it with people.
It's lucky we had that dinner planned, because my workday was crappy yesterday. Besides feeling foggy with a head-cold most of the morning, I had a 2.5-hour meeting that turned sour at the end. In one fascinating incident, I was told we were hiring someone to "help" our department (yay), and asked to review the job description.... which included about 50% of my job tasks (boo). I mean, yay, really, but it was a bit of a shock to have the rug pulled right out from under me, in front of other people, with no advance warning. I was visibly flustered and scooted out of the room before some stupid tears completely ruined my composure. Guess I'll have to rectify all that today. The good news is I get to write my own job description, and this new person's, and define what I WANT to do and what I want to pawn off. Work is such a distraction sometimes.
Before they left, KT put together a somewhat noteworthy outfit:
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| C'mon, who doesn't take pictures outside the daycare? |
Speaking of that: I thought I would be more sad that we're nearing the very last days at our daycare. I mean, we have been driving there every weekday morning since October of 2004. I have shed not one tear, which is unusual. Maybe next Tuesday I'll feel something? It's looking doubtful, though. OH WELL. Thank you for not deducting all the money from my bank account once a week anymore! Bye!
Perhaps I'm just excited about her joining her brother in big-kid school! YES, yes I am.
With the kids gone, we went out to dinner last night with another couple who are also kid-less this week. Had such a great time. We are a lot alike and I'm so grateful to call them friends. Of course, all we could talk about was our kids the entire evening -- what they're reading (or not reading, in AJ's case -- he forgets HOW during the summers), what they're doing for extra-curriculars this fall, how they manage, funny things they say -- but it's part of the joy of being parents to get to share it with people.
It's lucky we had that dinner planned, because my workday was crappy yesterday. Besides feeling foggy with a head-cold most of the morning, I had a 2.5-hour meeting that turned sour at the end. In one fascinating incident, I was told we were hiring someone to "help" our department (yay), and asked to review the job description.... which included about 50% of my job tasks (boo). I mean, yay, really, but it was a bit of a shock to have the rug pulled right out from under me, in front of other people, with no advance warning. I was visibly flustered and scooted out of the room before some stupid tears completely ruined my composure. Guess I'll have to rectify all that today. The good news is I get to write my own job description, and this new person's, and define what I WANT to do and what I want to pawn off. Work is such a distraction sometimes.
Monday, July 22
Fashion by KT
I said I was going to post a series' worth of KT's outfits. But of course this weekend, she dressed responsibly for once, and I didn't get any really great examples of the essence of her "style." Hmph.
I do have one from last weekend. It's not one of her best, but it hints at the concept.
That dress is a 3T, I found out later (she's in 5Ts), and she wore dark green bike shorts underneath. With blue sandals. And her blue and green beads, naturally. :)
We'll see what else she comes up with to entertain us.
I do have one from last weekend. It's not one of her best, but it hints at the concept.
That dress is a 3T, I found out later (she's in 5Ts), and she wore dark green bike shorts underneath. With blue sandals. And her blue and green beads, naturally. :)
We'll see what else she comes up with to entertain us.
Friday, July 19
At the mall; and lack of time
Screw it, I'm doing a blog post.
I've been trying to be really good at work, and not spend an hour (or more) doodling around on blogger.com, because that is not what they pay me for. But I'm feeling write-y and the only thing for it is to write. And no, not marketing copy. Blergh.
I went to the mall yesterday on my lunch hour. When I first walked in, it was nice and cool, and that mall-smell got into my head, and I was reminded why it's FUN to go to the mall. I walked in at a department store entrance and it happened to be the purses and jewelry area! Whee! My favorite. I have a department-store gift card still burning a hole in my pocket from my birthday, and I have a need of some new work clothes because I think, every morning, "I hate my clothes."
ANYWAY, I was happily browsing through Belk, and then I got to the mall mall and I remembered why I HATE going there: The kiosk assault. Or in this case, it was the sales team standing in front of their non-kiosk storefront -- 3 of them -- trying to foist some sample on me. Look, I know it's their job, but I do not want their stuff (I think it was lotion or some such). I do not want to say hello or make eye contact. I do not appreciate them saying, "Ma'am? MA'AM?" as I try to swiftly walk past.
The worst part was, they assaulted me on my way forward, and then on my way out they acted as if they'd never seen me before and did it AGAIN! I had to refuse their crap TWICE! Talk to the hand, no thank you!
I was reminded how awful it was to WORK at the mall. (I worked at a couple of retail stores in my teenage years.) Sometimes I think it would be nice, you know? A part-time thing, a change of pace from a seated, office job.... but no. It would be awful, awful. Lunch in the Food Court every day. I wonder how mall stores are even doing, with the crappy economy these past 5 years? I was there on a lunch hour, in the summer, and it was still pretty quiet.
I didn't spend my gift card because I remembered I'd received a mailer with even! more! savings! coupons. Plus, I didn't have enough time to browse and try on. What a luxury that would be. I know all you moms are with me -- time to browse? By myself? Unlimited? (Unheard of.)
"Not enough time" seems to be a theme. Summer's nearly over here. We have 2 and a half weeks, basically. That's crazy. One thing AJ and I tussle over is related to time: I'll pick him up after work sometimes, and he'll ask (very nicely, mind you) if we can please go to Barnes & Noble, or Target, or somewhere. Right now. And I'll have to say, "No, honey, I'm sorry, but we have X, Y, or Z to do, but we can go tomorrow." And he loses it. He can't grasp the concept -- although I have explained it to him gently many times -- that our free time is limited, and I need to have a couple of days' notice if he wants to do things like this, so that I can plan out my other errands/tasks for other times. You know? Because at 5:15 pm on a Wednesday, I'm thinking about dinner. I have about 45 minutes to get home and get it ready, because if we don't start dinner at around 6:00, we won't finish in time for them to have baths and get started going to bed (and you know I need extra time for that). And even though it's summer, we don't have the luxury of, if we go to bed late, we'll sleep in the next morning. It's up and at 'em, 6:00 am. If I've planned a trip to B&N, however, then I'll already have dinner squared away, so it's in the crock-pot or we'll pick it up on the way. But I'm not good at being re-routed by a kid's whim to want to go spend money, right this second. (On days when I can take him, I try to -- but those days are few and far between.)
That's what's rolling around in my head on this fine Friday morning.
That, and I'm going to do a series of photo posts of KT's daily outfits. They really need to be documented.
I've been trying to be really good at work, and not spend an hour (or more) doodling around on blogger.com, because that is not what they pay me for. But I'm feeling write-y and the only thing for it is to write. And no, not marketing copy. Blergh.
I went to the mall yesterday on my lunch hour. When I first walked in, it was nice and cool, and that mall-smell got into my head, and I was reminded why it's FUN to go to the mall. I walked in at a department store entrance and it happened to be the purses and jewelry area! Whee! My favorite. I have a department-store gift card still burning a hole in my pocket from my birthday, and I have a need of some new work clothes because I think, every morning, "I hate my clothes."
ANYWAY, I was happily browsing through Belk, and then I got to the mall mall and I remembered why I HATE going there: The kiosk assault. Or in this case, it was the sales team standing in front of their non-kiosk storefront -- 3 of them -- trying to foist some sample on me. Look, I know it's their job, but I do not want their stuff (I think it was lotion or some such). I do not want to say hello or make eye contact. I do not appreciate them saying, "Ma'am? MA'AM?" as I try to swiftly walk past.
The worst part was, they assaulted me on my way forward, and then on my way out they acted as if they'd never seen me before and did it AGAIN! I had to refuse their crap TWICE! Talk to the hand, no thank you!
I was reminded how awful it was to WORK at the mall. (I worked at a couple of retail stores in my teenage years.) Sometimes I think it would be nice, you know? A part-time thing, a change of pace from a seated, office job.... but no. It would be awful, awful. Lunch in the Food Court every day. I wonder how mall stores are even doing, with the crappy economy these past 5 years? I was there on a lunch hour, in the summer, and it was still pretty quiet.
I didn't spend my gift card because I remembered I'd received a mailer with even! more! savings! coupons. Plus, I didn't have enough time to browse and try on. What a luxury that would be. I know all you moms are with me -- time to browse? By myself? Unlimited? (Unheard of.)
"Not enough time" seems to be a theme. Summer's nearly over here. We have 2 and a half weeks, basically. That's crazy. One thing AJ and I tussle over is related to time: I'll pick him up after work sometimes, and he'll ask (very nicely, mind you) if we can please go to Barnes & Noble, or Target, or somewhere. Right now. And I'll have to say, "No, honey, I'm sorry, but we have X, Y, or Z to do, but we can go tomorrow." And he loses it. He can't grasp the concept -- although I have explained it to him gently many times -- that our free time is limited, and I need to have a couple of days' notice if he wants to do things like this, so that I can plan out my other errands/tasks for other times. You know? Because at 5:15 pm on a Wednesday, I'm thinking about dinner. I have about 45 minutes to get home and get it ready, because if we don't start dinner at around 6:00, we won't finish in time for them to have baths and get started going to bed (and you know I need extra time for that). And even though it's summer, we don't have the luxury of, if we go to bed late, we'll sleep in the next morning. It's up and at 'em, 6:00 am. If I've planned a trip to B&N, however, then I'll already have dinner squared away, so it's in the crock-pot or we'll pick it up on the way. But I'm not good at being re-routed by a kid's whim to want to go spend money, right this second. (On days when I can take him, I try to -- but those days are few and far between.)
That's what's rolling around in my head on this fine Friday morning.
That, and I'm going to do a series of photo posts of KT's daily outfits. They really need to be documented.
Friday, July 12
7QT: Might as well finish out the week!
HEAVY SIGH. Love & Logic Night 4: It doesn't work if you switch up the routine. As in, on Thursdays we like to watch a TV show all together from 8 - 9pm. So there's no time for the wind-down, the happy-dappy choices game, and the talking about the "agreement." Maybe there IS time, but I ...It was another epic fail last night and then I FORGOT about the Hail Marys. Convinced it won't work without the Hail Marys.
Little rant about new people at work: The new guy on my team consistently jumps ahead and does whatever he thinks, before consulting others. I don't know that I'd put his ranking above mine -- if he were a superior, I'd give him a pass -- but he's more on an equal level. Last week he and I were copied on an email with 2 "next steps," the first of which I was responsible for. (sorry Grammerrrr?) I completed my Step 1 yesterday, and he has already replied this morning with news that he'd gone ahead and done Step 2. SO WHY AM I EVEN HERE? GGRrrrrrrr. New people need to settle down and absorb the team vibe before coming in and stepping all over it. Good thing he has a kind-sounding accent and used a 'wink' emoticon in an email already, or I would dislike him completely. #workstuff
First dose of AJ's medication: Doc said it would start working within 3 days. AJ had placebo effect, in that case, because this morning he was all proud for eating his mini-pancakes (4) AND two Pop-Tarts. (See, I'm feeding him all the right things to put on weight!) But hey, good for him, whatever works!
Reading! Books are fun! I read Life of Pi, by Yann Martel, at the beach. It was super, super good. I've said before, any book that elicits a strong emotional reaction whether it's love or anger toward a character or a plot, ranks as good. If it engages me enough that I get mad, good! If I cry and cry because I don't want it to end, good! This one made me walk out of the bedroom, after I'd read the last chapter, with a "O_O" look on my face. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?? I loved it. I loved that that tiger was called Richard Parker.Next, I read a book called Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It, by Gary Taubes. Don't recommend it. For a week and a half, it had my brain all skewed about what foods are good and what foods are "bad" -- it claims carbs are bad enough to be the CAUSE of cancer, and while maybe that's true, I have finally come back out of his brainwash, determined it's about 75% bunk. I mean, NO, we shouldn't eat all the white carbs. Obviously. Doughnuts and soft white bread are not real food. But his "diet plan" has you eating no sugar, not even fruit (red flag), no dairy except cream, plenty of fat, and he says you shouldn't exercise in the first couple of weeks because you won't have enough energy to do so. It was all very interesting, but confusing, and it's going into the archives of my Kindle so I don't have to look at it and be tempted again. It's one of those, "too good to be true" plans. Eat steak and butter and you'll lose weight!
I call Shenanigans. SHENANIGANS.
Right now I'm totally into Here Be Dragons (but only 40% through it, yay! don't want it to end)! Knew I'd love it, and I do. Sandwich Artists: I just ate a delicious Black Forest Ham sandwich from Subway, with no chips whatsoever. The second half of that statement is, sadly, significant. But the keys to a good Subway, IMHO, are 1) Toast it; 2) Add avocado; 3) GET the onions. I know, you don't want to taste them the rest of the day, but MAN, can onions spruce up a boring ol' sandwich, or what? When I was in the 7th grade, my aunt made us ham and onion sandwiches sometimes for lunch (with mayo). I'd never had that simple combo before, but I liked it. Stalling: Just now in the restroom stall, I heard the company Pres a few doors down, clicking on her phone. Settings > Keyboard Sounds, is my friendly advice to her. No more Happiness Lists: I kind-of love this post from Britt Reints. SO many people, in so many "industries" like Health and Wellness and Stress and Productivity, are trying to distill the whole beauty of life down into "10 or 12 Easy Tips." And it's very tempting to think that could work -- could equal Happiness, capital H. Totally guilty here of wishing it were so. But guess what?
SEO tricks probably shouldn't dictate or measure your emotional status.
And with that, I'm done for the week. Happy Friday!
For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!
Thursday, July 11
Love & Logic bedtime, Night 3... Or: Overtired.
Not necessarily from staying up late.
Night #3 was not as lovely as I was hoping things would be. We took the kids to an indoor trampoline park at dinnertime, to celebrate AJ's birthday. A great time was had by all, and the kids, of course, were totally panting from all the running around and bouncing off surfaces that those places allow kids to do. (I am SO going to look into "Sky Zone Fitness" for adults! Superfun!) Then we fed them (pizza and) cookie cake, and I misjudged and handed out chocolate bars in place of the loathesome "goodie bags," and KT ate half of hers.
So by the time we got to "bedroom time" at 9:00 (past time), we had all the makings for a fine Sugar Crash layed out in front of us.
And that is what happened, IMHO. Another way you could look at it is that she found a loophole in the fabric of the Love & Logic plan: "I'm SCARED of being alone in my room." The whole L&L deal is predicated on the fact that she's in there, and I'm not. Well, Miss Overtired was having none of that. She was all of a sudden scared of being by herself.
I remained calm. I did not raise my voice. But I did eventually leave her mostly fake-wailing in the dark (9:30). DH had to clean up my mess, I guess, because she switched to crying for him, after that. He managed to quiet her and of course she fell asleep.
We were ALL extra-tired this morning, even though I went to "bed" (couch) at 10:30.
Reporting live. Tune in next time for another riveting installment of My Kid Is In Charge, Against My Will.
Night #3 was not as lovely as I was hoping things would be. We took the kids to an indoor trampoline park at dinnertime, to celebrate AJ's birthday. A great time was had by all, and the kids, of course, were totally panting from all the running around and bouncing off surfaces that those places allow kids to do. (I am SO going to look into "Sky Zone Fitness" for adults! Superfun!) Then we fed them (pizza and) cookie cake, and I misjudged and handed out chocolate bars in place of the loathesome "goodie bags," and KT ate half of hers.
So by the time we got to "bedroom time" at 9:00 (past time), we had all the makings for a fine Sugar Crash layed out in front of us.
And that is what happened, IMHO. Another way you could look at it is that she found a loophole in the fabric of the Love & Logic plan: "I'm SCARED of being alone in my room." The whole L&L deal is predicated on the fact that she's in there, and I'm not. Well, Miss Overtired was having none of that. She was all of a sudden scared of being by herself.
I remained calm. I did not raise my voice. But I did eventually leave her mostly fake-wailing in the dark (9:30). DH had to clean up my mess, I guess, because she switched to crying for him, after that. He managed to quiet her and of course she fell asleep.
We were ALL extra-tired this morning, even though I went to "bed" (couch) at 10:30.
Reporting live. Tune in next time for another riveting installment of My Kid Is In Charge, Against My Will.
Wednesday, July 10
Endo (growth) update
I have another post for you. It's a festival week of posts! This time, it's about 9-year-old AJ, whose birthday blog post I totally skipped this year, 2 days ago. Oops. I love you more than honey, honey, you're growing so fast and if I had a sweet DSLR I'd post a very sappy soft-focus of you. Mwah! (Quit kissing me, Mom.)
There.
Today's report is from the Pediatric Endocrinology Department, and it is a nice one. In four months, our small darling boy grew 1 full inch (average kids grow 1 inch per 6-8 months), and gained .9 pounds. His weight was measured first, in kilograms. He saw "20.2" on the scale and I swear his eyes nearly welled up. Poor kid. He thought he'd LOST half his body weight overnight. Thankfully, the PA could tell and said, "That's kilos, buddy, not to worry!" 44.5 pounds, I furiously converted on my iPhone. My stomach kind-of flopped, because that didn't seem very significant.
But the doctor came in all smiles telling us enthusiastically about the inch height increase, and everything was fine after that. She asked if we'd be willing to try an oral medication that should stimulate his appetite. We've been trying really hard to push him to eat more, and he HAS, but still isn't gaining quite as fast as she'd like. I feel a little less sure of myself in the summer, because I don't make/see his lunchbox every day, but I know he eats a decent (if not that huge) breakfast and a good dinner. I always rely on big dinner. She said she doesn't want him to put on 10-12 pounds or anything, but 6 pounds in a year would be a good step. (I guess since last October he's added 2 pounds, maybe 3?) So, it's a very low-dose medication and I told her I'd definitely be willing. Better that, than shots, I say.
The overall tone was hopeful, and everything else, she said, is normally developing, if slightly late-bloomer. So we're going to try this easy medicine, 1/2 tablet a night, the only side effect of which might be drowsiness, and see what happens next.
What I'm really glad about was that she focused on his height gain, and didn't make him feel bad about "not eating enough." Sometimes she's made it seem like she blames him. Which is, of course, unfair and ridiculous. But today she was very kind and encouraging.
We high-fived about the height, though, we really did. (As if he worked really hard, hee. BUT MY PRAYERS DID. :))
There.
Today's report is from the Pediatric Endocrinology Department, and it is a nice one. In four months, our small darling boy grew 1 full inch (average kids grow 1 inch per 6-8 months), and gained .9 pounds. His weight was measured first, in kilograms. He saw "20.2" on the scale and I swear his eyes nearly welled up. Poor kid. He thought he'd LOST half his body weight overnight. Thankfully, the PA could tell and said, "That's kilos, buddy, not to worry!" 44.5 pounds, I furiously converted on my iPhone. My stomach kind-of flopped, because that didn't seem very significant.
But the doctor came in all smiles telling us enthusiastically about the inch height increase, and everything was fine after that. She asked if we'd be willing to try an oral medication that should stimulate his appetite. We've been trying really hard to push him to eat more, and he HAS, but still isn't gaining quite as fast as she'd like. I feel a little less sure of myself in the summer, because I don't make/see his lunchbox every day, but I know he eats a decent (if not that huge) breakfast and a good dinner. I always rely on big dinner. She said she doesn't want him to put on 10-12 pounds or anything, but 6 pounds in a year would be a good step. (I guess since last October he's added 2 pounds, maybe 3?) So, it's a very low-dose medication and I told her I'd definitely be willing. Better that, than shots, I say.
The overall tone was hopeful, and everything else, she said, is normally developing, if slightly late-bloomer. So we're going to try this easy medicine, 1/2 tablet a night, the only side effect of which might be drowsiness, and see what happens next.
What I'm really glad about was that she focused on his height gain, and didn't make him feel bad about "not eating enough." Sometimes she's made it seem like she blames him. Which is, of course, unfair and ridiculous. But today she was very kind and encouraging.
We high-fived about the height, though, we really did. (As if he worked really hard, hee. BUT MY PRAYERS DID. :))
Love & Logic bedtime, Night 2
Oh, perfect, yesterday they posted this. ;)
So the 5 o'clock hour was nothing out of the ordinary. Mostly pleasant, even. And I am here to report that Night 2 went as well as Night 1, but in a different way. Surprisingly, we didn't even have to employ the "stay up as long as you want tactics," because KT after we read two stories, she insisted was tired enough, and just wanted to go to sleep in her bed. HA! Hahahaha!
I had borrowed one other tactic I read at the L&L website (or maybe in the book), and that was: Yawning is contagious. Try it, and see if you can convince anyone that she's actually sleepy. It worked! Worked on me, too -- I couldn't STOP yawning after that first one.
I don't know if KT was sleepy because she'd stayed up late-ish the night before, or because she'd had a busy day, but either way: NO FIGHTS. SHE GOT 9 HOURS. IT'S A WIN.
One thing I meant to note is that I'm trying this little experiment during the summer on purpose. Once we get back into school, we'll have to tweak accordingly or scrap it altogether. But I'm hopeful that she'll have time to learn that, hey, if I don't sleep, I'm tired and uncomfortable the next day. To be determined.
So the 5 o'clock hour was nothing out of the ordinary. Mostly pleasant, even. And I am here to report that Night 2 went as well as Night 1, but in a different way. Surprisingly, we didn't even have to employ the "stay up as long as you want tactics," because KT after we read two stories, she insisted was tired enough, and just wanted to go to sleep in her bed. HA! Hahahaha!
I had borrowed one other tactic I read at the L&L website (or maybe in the book), and that was: Yawning is contagious. Try it, and see if you can convince anyone that she's actually sleepy. It worked! Worked on me, too -- I couldn't STOP yawning after that first one.
I don't know if KT was sleepy because she'd stayed up late-ish the night before, or because she'd had a busy day, but either way: NO FIGHTS. SHE GOT 9 HOURS. IT'S A WIN.
One thing I meant to note is that I'm trying this little experiment during the summer on purpose. Once we get back into school, we'll have to tweak accordingly or scrap it altogether. But I'm hopeful that she'll have time to learn that, hey, if I don't sleep, I'm tired and uncomfortable the next day. To be determined.
Tuesday, July 9
Love & Logic bedtime, prequel and Morning 1
Last night's post was done from my Kindle Fire, which I discovered is a terrible way to do a blog post! Very difficult to type and edit.
Here's the short version backstory: KT is a terrible go-to-sleeper.
I suspect she has her Daddy's and Gammy's night owl genes, which is fine for adulthood, but not so great for childhood, particularly when you have two parents who need to be out of the house by 7:00 am. Not to mention she has school to attend -- real-live, actual Kindergarten school -- starting in 5 weeks.
For years I've done the typical bath, brush teeth, book with her, then stayed in her room while she falls asleep. Typically our goal is to have her in bed by 8:30. And typically I don't leave her room -- "But Mommy, I don't know HOW to fall asleep! Whine, whine, help me, I CAN'T..." -- until 9:30. Occasionally, we've Had It Out. That happened on Sunday night, after she'd been away from me for a full week. Nice welcome home, Mom -- fighting at bedtime. She refused to DO WHAT I SAID, and I KEPT STUBBORNLY TRYING TO CONTROL HER... then it escalated and I cried, and she cried. I apologized. She saw I was crying and apologized, too, and we had a hard, tearful hug. I promised I would try to be better and she did too, nodding and sniffling. Oh, we had a moment there. I decided to be honest with her, since with any relationship, honesty is the best policy. I told her I didn't know what to do about bedtime. Poor us. She was finally sleepy so I retreated to my room and got busy saying Hail Marys, because prayer's all I had left. I said a lot of Hail Marys. In the stress of that episode I became convinced that I just don't know how to parent this particular child.
And then, in el-e-e fashion, I went back to a book. Drs. Fay and Cline of the Love & Logic Institute suggest a sure-fire way to fix kids' bedtime: GIVE UP CONTROL. Make the natural consequences the kid's consequences. Like so: Let the child know that after 8:30 (or whatever time you decide) is "Mommy and Daddy's free time," and that the only rule is the kid must stay in her room. The parent should give the kid a lot of choices about whether she wants the light on or off -- the fan on or off -- soft music on or off? -- want to read in your bed or play on the floor? -- and no other rules, other than "stay in your room." As I honestly told KT that we were going to try it, she got very excited. Could she stay up all night? Sure, I said, but just know that we wake up at 6:00 am, and we leave the house at 7:00. If you're tired tomorrow, I told her, that's going to be your problem. She reasoned out that she does have naptime at daycare, so she could catch up then (pretty smart), and I reiterated that the doctors who wrote this book say kids need about 9 or 10 hours of sleep. (I had told her I read a book and found a great solution to our bedtime problem. Why not? Honesty again -- I figure it's worth a shot.)
So, we agreed to give it a try. She asked if she could have her sleeping bag and I said sure. She told me she loved to comb her doll's hair and that's what she was going to do. I gave her a hug and told her, "Okay, it's up to you. Good night!" And I left. (Hail, Mary, please let this work.)
She came out a couple of times but went straight back in when I gently reminded her of the rule. It's a work in progress. I assume if there is a lot more coming-out-of-the-room, I will say, "Oh, it's too bad you forgot the rule. We'll have to turn the lights off and try this again tomorrow night."
I found her snoring away on the floor, lamp still on, when I went to bed at 10:30.
* * * *
This morning she wasn't exactly EASY to wake, but she never is. Like I said, she went to sleep around the same time she normally does.
We'll see if she's tired in the awful 5:00-6:00 pm hour today. That'll likely be the true test. But I'm hopeful.
(DH is skeptical, which I fully understand. I was skeptical too and really hesitant to try this, but also: at my bedtime wits' end.)
Monday, July 8
Love & Logic bedtime experiment, Night 1
10:21 p.m. She's asleep. Went that way of her own accord, too.
I finally had to try it tonihht. Not that I havent wanted to since I first read about it. I guess I was jusr being stubborn about being in control of her bedtime. (Ha, wonder where she gets it?!)
Tonight we called it "bedroom time" instead.nShe was all for it-- said, "This is going to be a great nihht!"
We'll see what tomorrow morning brings, but she was asleep by ten, which is normal for her, and i didnt have to lose my temper at any point in the process.
How bout that.
The funniest thing was when she peeked out of her room, wearing white gloves and a necklace, and said, "i dont really know what to do." I suggested maybe she lie down. ;)
Mid-summer, and kids' memories
We now have only 4 weeks left until school starts again (in the 5th week) and I'm having a hard time believing it. I'm very happy this summer that my kids have had a vacation, well and truly: We all went to the beach for a week, and then they stayed with my parents -- and effectively, with their gaggle of 2nd cousins who live across the street from my parents -- for another 7 days. They came home yesterday full of happy memories of fishing, a science museum, a Cajun pig roast and backyard fireworks on the Fourth of July, swimming lessons (AJ learned to go underwater! Hallelujah!!), swimming with cousins, lots of hide-n-seek variations on rainy days, movies, and, oh yes, dessert. every. night. (KT reported this item emphatically.)
These kids are so blessed. I mean, making memories and developing real, solid family relationships all while having fun away from Mom and Dad's everyday rules? Lucky ducks!
I was thinking about our week without them, and how it compares to my childhood. DH and I did a lot of things that we can't do when they're here -- met to do some shopping after work one night, and had dinner, out, later than 6pm! Went to the movies on a weeknight. (Actually went to 2 movies during the week, to take full advantage of no babysitting fees.) SLEPT IN. Didn't even HAVE dinner one night, because we'd had a huge lunch. Skipped July 4th entirely. Spent a whole day off to do a house project to completion (trim/baseboards).
My parents, I guess, sent us to my Granny's house (or my aunt/uncle's house) on occasion to spend the night, and enjoyed these types of perks. We can't quite do it on a one-day basis, since we choose to live out of town, so we get it all in during this one week. I have fond memories of pallets on the floor at Granny's house, and waking up to a dewy morning on the farm, and my kids have memories of having their own room at Grandmommy's for a week, and swimmy mornings in her pool. So, see? It compares.
I know my Mom and Dad are feeling pretty empty right now with the kids back here. Their day will be reeeeally quiet in comparison to last Monday. But I bet they're worn out, too, and they certainly deserve a rest day. I was wondering if it's more fun, or more exhausting for them, remembering in a LIVE way what it's like to have small kids in the house. I know they'd say "fun," but I also know how tiring these kids can be! They wore me out just in the one afternoon of having them back!
But I am SO glad to have them back.
These kids are so blessed. I mean, making memories and developing real, solid family relationships all while having fun away from Mom and Dad's everyday rules? Lucky ducks!
I was thinking about our week without them, and how it compares to my childhood. DH and I did a lot of things that we can't do when they're here -- met to do some shopping after work one night, and had dinner, out, later than 6pm! Went to the movies on a weeknight. (Actually went to 2 movies during the week, to take full advantage of no babysitting fees.) SLEPT IN. Didn't even HAVE dinner one night, because we'd had a huge lunch. Skipped July 4th entirely. Spent a whole day off to do a house project to completion (trim/baseboards).
My parents, I guess, sent us to my Granny's house (or my aunt/uncle's house) on occasion to spend the night, and enjoyed these types of perks. We can't quite do it on a one-day basis, since we choose to live out of town, so we get it all in during this one week. I have fond memories of pallets on the floor at Granny's house, and waking up to a dewy morning on the farm, and my kids have memories of having their own room at Grandmommy's for a week, and swimmy mornings in her pool. So, see? It compares.
I know my Mom and Dad are feeling pretty empty right now with the kids back here. Their day will be reeeeally quiet in comparison to last Monday. But I bet they're worn out, too, and they certainly deserve a rest day. I was wondering if it's more fun, or more exhausting for them, remembering in a LIVE way what it's like to have small kids in the house. I know they'd say "fun," but I also know how tiring these kids can be! They wore me out just in the one afternoon of having them back!
But I am SO glad to have them back.
Monday, June 17
Full-up on summer fun
- AJ is home from camp! I was desperate to see him by Friday, on pick-up day. I snapped at KT to hurry up, hurry up, get OUT of the car. The house and my whole routine had started to feel weirdly empty, just not right. Don't get me wrong, life is a whole lot EASIER with just one kid to manage! But at the end of the day Thursday, at 5:00 pm, I just felt heavy, and knew he had officially been Gone Too Long. So Friday morning, a snapped-at KT and I trekked across the campus to where the boys were appearing... only to remember I had to drive elsewhere and get his luggage first. Argggh. Good thing I was there early. He wasn't nearly as desperate to see me, but all the same, I think he's glad to be home. We do wonder if he's having a period of "withdrawal;" he's been acting slightly weird. Staring blankly at us, random outbursts to scare KT... I don't know. He's also picked up a small set of germs and is coughing. Hoping this will all normalize soon.
- I have painted the trim around two doorways that were most despicably dingy! And the baseboards surrounding/nearby. (I have a lot more to do, but this is a start. A start!)
- The house next door is for sale. Not this one; the other side. I guess it's good for us. An indicator of how we might do? I'm wondering.
- DH mentioned possibly just getting the stupid banisters re-built. I didn't mention it here, but since Real-Estate Friend suggested I paint them black, way back in December, one of the spindles has fallen (or been knocked) out. Off. There's a hole in the spindles. Kids love to stick their heads (whole bodies) through holes like these, argh argh. Maybe rather than beat the whole structure up by nailing it back in (and trying to strengthen some other loose areas), we should just scrap it and start from zero. Go for iron. Plus, painting all those grooves myself would be a huge PITA. So, back to the piggy bank we go? It's in talks, I guess.
- We got FitBit Flexes! We're having fun trying to accomplish 10,000 steps a day. We're having fun with the sleep-monitor and silent buzzing alarms. We'll see how long the fun lasts but I'd glad to have a motivational tool right here on my wrist and look like a badass simply by wearing it. ;)
- I'm hopeful that our Braves game tonight won't get rained out. We got tickets for free. I can get probably 5 or 6000 steps just by walking from the parking lot to the stadium so GO AWAY, RAIN! and Go Braves! (Have loved 'em since I was seventeen!) You want to talk about summer fun?? I am excited to take both kids tonight. AJ's never been before!
- Beach Week countdown: 4.25 days! It can't get here soon enough! I decided today that I'm going to disappear from social media for the week. It will be difficult, since we carry our cell phones for communication from the condo to the beach, to plan dinnertimes, to locate each other (are you at Pool 1 or Pool 2?), and to ask for someone to bring snacks downstairs! But I am determined. Screen-time, save for Kindle-time and FitBit-time, shall decrease to below 10%. So Say We All. (Well, or just me.)
Friday, June 7
Bird dream
I dreamed last night (early this morning, actually), that I was lying on a carpeted floor, near a window that had blinds on it. The blinds were closed. At the top there was a gray/brownish bird, half-hidden behind the blinds. I couldn't tell, at first, if his head was peeking over the top -- I didn't see a face or a beak. Next, the bird flew out of the blinds and attacked my neck on the right side. It latched on and chewed. I physically felt a pain there and it woke me up. I even cried out, in my sleep.
Of course I went looking for this:
http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/birds/
"Bird attacking: Fear of ideas, ideals or opinions; verbal or mental (suggestions or suggestive behaviour) attack by others; fear of going beyond ones narrow boundaries. Be daring and face the restrain that holds you back." [Emphasis mine.]
Interesting. (I've always remembered dreams easily and always loved dream "interpretation.")
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One other related thing: When I read with KT in her bed, I'm always looking to the left to see the book that she insists on holding, so the right side of my neck gets tired/sore.
(But I've also been doing yoga the last two nights, before bed. Overall I think it's going to help with the soreness/pain.)
Of course I went looking for this:
http://dreamhawk.com/dream-dictionary/birds/
"Bird attacking: Fear of ideas, ideals or opinions; verbal or mental (suggestions or suggestive behaviour) attack by others; fear of going beyond ones narrow boundaries. Be daring and face the restrain that holds you back." [Emphasis mine.]
Interesting. (I've always remembered dreams easily and always loved dream "interpretation.")
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One other related thing: When I read with KT in her bed, I'm always looking to the left to see the book that she insists on holding, so the right side of my neck gets tired/sore.
(But I've also been doing yoga the last two nights, before bed. Overall I think it's going to help with the soreness/pain.)
Wednesday, June 5
Birthday wishes
Yesterday was my 39th birthday. I thought of some wishes for my next year. I don't know if they're hokey; they probably are. I'll tell you anyway.
1. I wish to not hurt so much when I wake up! This sounds pathetic, but OH, MAN, do you guys just HURT in the mornings when you wake up? I do. My calves wake up sore like I've been working out without stretching, but I haven't been. My neck is just constantly tight. Is this just a getting older joint-thing that we can't alleviate? Or could drinking more water, eating better, taking the dreaded fish oil and whatever else, throwing out all my high heels, getting crazy like a vegan, or doing yoga every day reverse this horrible side effect? Do I need a new mattress? I don't know but I guess I'd like to experiment with several of these ideas -- like, get up at 5 am (haha) for a week or two for some serious yoga, or take a damn class like I want to do, and see if it helps. Because seriously, I am too young to feel this old. (I AM.) ....But please tell me you hurt, too, if you're over 37! It's mostly in the mornings, but also sometimes when I just get up from sitting, my legs hurt. WTF.
2. I wish I could figure out my career aspirations. What do I want? Most of all? And how can I get THAT, and also bring home the salary that I want and deserve? I mean, what I've learned in the last year is that what I want (what everyone wants) is contentment. So if it's simply being more grateful for my writing/desk job, and learning to let go of the corporate BS, and making peace with my cubicle, then fine, I wish to be more grateful. (And also for flextime that doesn't make me feel guilty.) And perhaps all of that will lead to more success/recognition/happiness within this job, which is a good job. But if it's finding whatever MORE could be out there for me -- if it's getting brave and looking into something riskier than I'm used to, for the reward of some free days in the summers or some interesting projects or new directions, then I wish to figure it out. Maybe it's freelancing. Writing a book (no). Finding a new company to write for. (I think it's writing; I think I've figured out that that is my marketable skill.) This is lofty and really scary, but with so much being written about Happiness, lately, it seems like I should get mine, too. I want to get in on the Happiness-as-a-business movement, to be honest. And before I turn 40 would be nicely timed. (I am so weary of reading the websites and expert opinions of basic 27-year-olds who say, "I was stuck in a dead-end cubicle job but then I [started this blog] and now I have one million followers and I live my life for me! Woo hoo! And now I'm going to teach YOU how to do the same! For a small fee." And yet, I WANT THAT. Is it our generation's snake oil? Surely it is. Or is it legitimate and where can I get some?) I WISH TO BE INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY, that's what. ;)
3. I wish for my kids' and my husband's health, safety, growth and happiness. Same for my parents. And sister. And all of you nice people. And heck, me too. Let's all be happy.
Friday, May 31
7 Quick Takes: First week of summer
I've done quick takes a lot (albeit sporadically) but I just found the HTML template today! Thank you, Jen!
I'm having a love affair with chocolate. Perhaps this deserves a whole post on its own, but never have I been more IN NEED of daily chocolate doses. What's wrong with me? (It's not that.) (No, it's not that either.) I've just developed a habit, I guess, where after a meal I have my chocolate. At home, it's a Hershey's kiss dug out of the bottom of the giant Halloween/Easter bowl. We keep it in the cabinet for "dessert night" if the kids want candy. Today, I didn't have any at my desk, so after my trip to the bank, I whirled around the corner and ran into World Market where I picked up THREE big ol' 3-oz. bars. Here was my logic on getting three: If I had only gotten one, I'd have probably eaten the whole thing. With three, I KNEW I couldn't eat the whole amount so I'd likely behave myself. *cuckoo, cuckoo* I did behave - I only ate 3/4ths of a serving. NOM NOM ANTIOXIDANTS.
KT -- ballet recital. She's improved a lot over the last year, I learned last night at the dress rehearsal. She actually does the moves, in time with the music. She also has stage presence. She was one of the only girls smiling in her group and believe me, it helps. She looked like a tiny professional up there. She gets that from me. ;) No, but seriously, I'm getting dangerously close to the Stage Mom arena: it's so fun to say "dress rehearsal," just like I used to have when I was a theater junkie. She wants to continue in ballet, so now I have to pick the MOST PERFECT studio for her future career as a prima ballerina. (Her current teacher comes to her daycare so I don't have to drive, but they do not come to the elementary schools. They have a studio but it's not conveniently located.)
AJ -- 2 weeks of sleepaway camp starts Sunday! It only hit me today that he's going to be GONE. Away from his Mama's hugs. The weirdest thing is when he's not in his room at night. But I'm excited for him. I'm especially excited about the care packages and cards that I've already packed up, and will turn in when we drop him off so I don't have to mail anything. Only drawback is having to "invent" text for those cards -- I mean, it's mostly "Are you having fun?" and "I know you're having fun," but sometimes it doesn't feel natural unless you write "We're fine here at home -- just doing... normal home stuff." Heh.
DH -- So good to me. We've been juggling drop-offs and pick-ups and dinners, and tonight he's doing the yardwork, and he's just so CONSISTENT with things. I chose well. That's the update on him. :) I mean, I could go on and on -- I schedule things and THEN check with him, and he's fine with it. I fail to clean bathrooms (particularly his/ours) and he doesn't yell at me. (HE'D BETTER NOT.) I dry his shirt all the way twice in a row when it's supposed to hang to dry, but he manages not to even roll his eyes or sigh, just takes the shirt and moves on with his life. (I guess... I hope he's not stewing about that one.) He always drives us. He lets me say I'm too tired to cook, let's go out, and he just GOES with it. Alright, I'll stop. He's great, though. You should know that.
Reading! I've been reading! I finished Kingdom Keepers (meh), and then picked up a book I've had for years, since right after Girl with a Pearl Earring was so popular. It was The Lady and the Unicorn, also by Tracy Chevalier. LOVED it. Not quite as perfect as Pearl Earring, I didn't think, but CLOSE. So, since I was in the medieval mood I finally, finally downloaded Here Be Dragons to my Kindle and started it the other night. LL, I'm thinking of you!
Swimming! We went, last Friday, and here is a very big announcement: I DID NOT EVEN GET IN THE WATER. There were plenty of kids at our gathering, particularly some 9 and 10-year-old girls who were happy to play babysitter to the two 5-year-olds which included KT, and therefore, I was FREEEEEEE! I had a BEVERAGE! AJ stayed on his noodle (darn the bottom of the pool! If he could JUST touch the bottom all my swimming anxiety would be solved) and KT had on her arm floaties. I WANT to get her out of her floaties, and I am going to TRY to get them in swim lessons somehow, this summer, but DANG if it didn't feel refreshing to say, "Okay, have fun in the pool!" and just look up every once in a while to make sure they were fine. (THEY WERE FINE!)This summer's beach week might be especially sweet by the pool! Yeehaw! EXCEPT that none of my gal-pals will be there to enjoy it with me (ahem, MB, LM, and J.BEANS)!
For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!
Tuesday, May 28
Shoulder massage and school Masses
Stood up to stretch my back just now, and give myself a 20-second shoulder massage. Don't know why I have a bit of a headache -- maybe the glow of the fluorescents after several days of not having them buzz over me. Last Friday, I took the day off to hang out with AJ on my last day as his 3rd grade Room Mom. We had an ice cream party with the class and let them basically have recess for the majority of their half-day of school. Afterwards, the school had its last Mass of the year and I got to attend (probably my first of this year, which is too bad).
Those school Masses, man. They get me right in the heart. And this time, they were a humorous answer to a little prayer that I'd prayed several months ago when I was feeling bored with faith, as I think we all do from time to time. Months ago, I'd watched The [new] Muppets movie for the second (or maybe third) time, and I got weepy when they sang The Rainbow Connection, as well as the Opening Theme. Nostalgia, you know? It made my heart supremely happy that my kids were hearing some of the songs that were such a fixture in my childhood, I guess, and because my Mom was there, too... it feels stupid, but it was a really big emotional moment for some reason. So it made me crazy the Sunday after that, thinking that I get emotional about The Muppets, but not at Mass. ...Right? How can that be?! How ridiculous. Jesus is to the Muppets like.... well, like nothing, Jesus should be well MORE than the Muppets. And He is. But apparently my tear-ducts don't know it.
So anyway, I prayed at the time, and have since, to be moved somehow. To FEEL something about my faith. To get more from a Mass than I do from the [loveable] MUPPETS, for heaven's literal sake. And at this school Mass... these kids get so INTO it. They're lucky they have a music ministry that allows them to have praise and worship music (I mean the Contemporary Christian rock-band songs from the radio) during the Mass. And some of the songs have motions, where the kids raise their hands up when they sing, "Lord, I lift your name on high," or make a cross shape when they sing about the cross. East, West (point left, point right), you get the idea. So, two things: 1) I adore those songs already, and love seeing the kids singing them at the tops of their lungs; and 2) It made me giggle to think that our "Songprayers" and "Glory and Praise" hippie-dippy '70s music -- which also had motions [If I Were a Butterfly!!] -- was supposed to serve the same purpose for my generation of school-Mass-attending Catholic kids. Haha!
I felt EVERYTHING. I was happy, yet weepy at every "hymn." AJ knew it, too, but he didn't say anything to me. He knows his mother is a teary-eyed weirdo sometimes. I let my eyes leak regularly at his school. I love that they let parents sit with the class, with our own students, during school Masses. Because we're ALL a family of course, and we love to sing "You are Holy" (by Michael W. Smith, whom I've loved since I was 11 years old buying my first cassette tapes with a friend who was the deacon's daughter) and lift our arms up high and aaaaahhgghhhh!! I felt everything. I loved everything. I was full of joy and happiness. God does Answered Prayers really well sometimes. :)
After that we went swimming with friends, and then on our annual Memorial Day road trip, and it was all very good and the whole thing, this whole long weekend, has made me feel very grateful, and happy.
Those school Masses, man. They get me right in the heart. And this time, they were a humorous answer to a little prayer that I'd prayed several months ago when I was feeling bored with faith, as I think we all do from time to time. Months ago, I'd watched The [new] Muppets movie for the second (or maybe third) time, and I got weepy when they sang The Rainbow Connection, as well as the Opening Theme. Nostalgia, you know? It made my heart supremely happy that my kids were hearing some of the songs that were such a fixture in my childhood, I guess, and because my Mom was there, too... it feels stupid, but it was a really big emotional moment for some reason. So it made me crazy the Sunday after that, thinking that I get emotional about The Muppets, but not at Mass. ...Right? How can that be?! How ridiculous. Jesus is to the Muppets like.... well, like nothing, Jesus should be well MORE than the Muppets. And He is. But apparently my tear-ducts don't know it.
So anyway, I prayed at the time, and have since, to be moved somehow. To FEEL something about my faith. To get more from a Mass than I do from the [loveable] MUPPETS, for heaven's literal sake. And at this school Mass... these kids get so INTO it. They're lucky they have a music ministry that allows them to have praise and worship music (I mean the Contemporary Christian rock-band songs from the radio) during the Mass. And some of the songs have motions, where the kids raise their hands up when they sing, "Lord, I lift your name on high," or make a cross shape when they sing about the cross. East, West (point left, point right), you get the idea. So, two things: 1) I adore those songs already, and love seeing the kids singing them at the tops of their lungs; and 2) It made me giggle to think that our "Songprayers" and "Glory and Praise" hippie-dippy '70s music -- which also had motions [If I Were a Butterfly!!] -- was supposed to serve the same purpose for my generation of school-Mass-attending Catholic kids. Haha!
I felt EVERYTHING. I was happy, yet weepy at every "hymn." AJ knew it, too, but he didn't say anything to me. He knows his mother is a teary-eyed weirdo sometimes. I let my eyes leak regularly at his school. I love that they let parents sit with the class, with our own students, during school Masses. Because we're ALL a family of course, and we love to sing "You are Holy" (by Michael W. Smith, whom I've loved since I was 11 years old buying my first cassette tapes with a friend who was the deacon's daughter) and lift our arms up high and aaaaahhgghhhh!! I felt everything. I loved everything. I was full of joy and happiness. God does Answered Prayers really well sometimes. :)
After that we went swimming with friends, and then on our annual Memorial Day road trip, and it was all very good and the whole thing, this whole long weekend, has made me feel very grateful, and happy.
Wednesday, May 22
Angst
Feeling angsty about my y-o-b again. Similar angst to last summer, in that I'm feeling like I want out, I'm done -- but not for exactly the same reasons. This time there's a bit of fear behind it. We have new leadersh|p and I've heard s/he's (gender-non-specified for extra anonymity) a hatchett-man, and I'm feeling vulnerable. I guess I can't give all the details here but I can try to vaguely give some. For starters, I don't know how much backup I have, numbers-wise, for my position. There's one big, perennial project I am part of that typically gets the eyebrow-raise when budget time rolls around. The project is a huge money-suck, so I'm worried it will be axed right off the bat. That wouldn't be terrible, it's a huge pain in the ass, too. But it's probably 40% of my job (and the part I enjoy). The other part, I do well, but I don't know that I'm the most qualified person for it -- and new leadersh!p types sometimes bring in their own peeps, you know?
The good things are so good. Location, location, location. Salary. Vacation time I've built up. Location in relation to the kids' school. Leave work at work. Health benefits are good. Those are the reasons I have stayed.
I'm trying to figure out who can counsel me about this. I have a friend that I admire for her career success, and she's just close enough but not quite in my same field that I think she could intelligently comment. Problem is, she just lost her most recent job due to circumstances (not her work), and I don't think she knows that I know this. I'm not sure she'd want to advise anyone. I'm going to message her anyway, I think.
My brain tells me not to jump to any conclusions, and not to judge anyone, or let them ruin my day, with no evidence. My husband tells me the only four things that are important: Show up. Be honest. Do your best. Be unattached to the end result. I know that's truth, too. But the feelings I'm having are real, and are occupying a lot of my brain-space the last day or so.
The good things are so good. Location, location, location. Salary. Vacation time I've built up. Location in relation to the kids' school. Leave work at work. Health benefits are good. Those are the reasons I have stayed.
I'm trying to figure out who can counsel me about this. I have a friend that I admire for her career success, and she's just close enough but not quite in my same field that I think she could intelligently comment. Problem is, she just lost her most recent job due to circumstances (not her work), and I don't think she knows that I know this. I'm not sure she'd want to advise anyone. I'm going to message her anyway, I think.
My brain tells me not to jump to any conclusions, and not to judge anyone, or let them ruin my day, with no evidence. My husband tells me the only four things that are important: Show up. Be honest. Do your best. Be unattached to the end result. I know that's truth, too. But the feelings I'm having are real, and are occupying a lot of my brain-space the last day or so.
Monday, May 20
Tiny accomplishments (me)
Aside from 2 graduations (KT's, and my cousin's), this weekend I:
It felt really good. Partly to get things accomlished and have a clean house, but also just the act of doing it. Being in the moment - I love the word "homecaring." Just putting your mind to the task of making the place you live more loveable (and having the time to do it gently). I don't know. Maybe it was because the kids left me alone! Ha. They were playing all day with their Build-a-Bears. Teddy bears' picnics and stuff. (uh... stuff like tossing bears off the upstairs landing and thinking that was hilarious.)
Maybe now that everything's clean (DH cleaned the other bathroom, dusted, and vacuumed while I was doing my stuff), we can start taping off and getting read to paint.
*DH did the heavy lifting, and some folding...Thank you, DH!
- cleaned 2 of three toilets (lovely thought for your early morning reading!)
- folded up all my scarves and reorg'd their drawer which had become unbearable
- bought the kids a few summer t-shirts and shorts (I like the new JC Penney, do you?)
- rearranged furniture* in KT's room like she had requested (and in the process threw out a bunch of her old stuff - wooden puzzles, old books, junk from under the bed oh em gee)
- did* 3 loads of laundry
- baked banana bread, finally
- filed stuff (paid bills, pay stubs, etc.) in the filing cabinet
It felt really good. Partly to get things accomlished and have a clean house, but also just the act of doing it. Being in the moment - I love the word "homecaring." Just putting your mind to the task of making the place you live more loveable (and having the time to do it gently). I don't know. Maybe it was because the kids left me alone! Ha. They were playing all day with their Build-a-Bears. Teddy bears' picnics and stuff. (uh... stuff like tossing bears off the upstairs landing and thinking that was hilarious.)
Maybe now that everything's clean (DH cleaned the other bathroom, dusted, and vacuumed while I was doing my stuff), we can start taping off and getting read to paint.
*DH did the heavy lifting, and some folding...Thank you, DH!
Friday, May 17
All grown up
I'm walking a line today where on one side, I want to post all kinds of pictures of my KT baby, who is graduating from pre-K tonight at the very grown-up time of 7:00 p.m., and on the other side, for a variety of reasons, I don't want to post any more pictures of my kids on the Internet.
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She has been SO excited about today, and tonight. They're really talking it up at her school, practicing their songs and poems, and it's different because it's been scheduled at a different venue -- a local elementary school with a "really big stage," according to her -- so it feels much more significant than usual. And it is.
In my final conference with her teacher, KT got all superior marks. I was told that she listens, makes good choices, loves to learn, loves doing new things, and even helps other kids. It's not that I don't believe the teacher... it's just that the teacher has never been to our home and seen the other version of my girl! The baby-of-the-family, always-gets-her-way (or thinks she should), whiny, contrary girl. Oh, I exaggerate -- she isn't like that ALL the time at home. But she is LIKE THAT. I know it's all my own doing. I can't help spoiling her sometimes. I laughed and said something along those lines to the teacher, and then she taught ME something. She said, "Well, in reality, what we're doing with them here [a structured curriculum, Kindergarten level, basically] is probably past appropriate for their age -- they should just be running around! So I would be more worried if you told me she doesn't act out at home."
Hunh. I didn't think of it that way. She holds it together and does so many big-kid things all day long -- 7:30 to 5:00, although a good portion of that is play and 2 hours of it is naptime -- that it's only natural she'd need to let loose at home. I mean, I've always known that about toddler tantrums, but she's not a toddler anymore. She comes across as defiant and demanding, and uninterested in listening, at home. Not just tired and whiny.
And I know I'll need to keep it in mind this summer, when her naptime is ceased for good and always. She never naps on the weekend, so I know she can probably handle it, but I was always so relieved to know she still took naps Monday thru Friday (and she, unlike a lot of her classmates, fell asleep most times).
Anyway, this little spitfire is graduating from Pre-K, moving on to a new school that we've been anticipating now for 4 years, and it's a big deal. The one thing she wants is a trip to Build-a-Bear Workshop, so I'm taking her there tomorrow morning to celebrate this first big life achievement. I'm so excited to see what's next.
KT baby she will forever be, but she is becoming a real-live young lady, right before my very eyes.
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| I can't resist. |
In my final conference with her teacher, KT got all superior marks. I was told that she listens, makes good choices, loves to learn, loves doing new things, and even helps other kids. It's not that I don't believe the teacher... it's just that the teacher has never been to our home and seen the other version of my girl! The baby-of-the-family, always-gets-her-way (or thinks she should), whiny, contrary girl. Oh, I exaggerate -- she isn't like that ALL the time at home. But she is LIKE THAT. I know it's all my own doing. I can't help spoiling her sometimes. I laughed and said something along those lines to the teacher, and then she taught ME something. She said, "Well, in reality, what we're doing with them here [a structured curriculum, Kindergarten level, basically] is probably past appropriate for their age -- they should just be running around! So I would be more worried if you told me she doesn't act out at home."
Hunh. I didn't think of it that way. She holds it together and does so many big-kid things all day long -- 7:30 to 5:00, although a good portion of that is play and 2 hours of it is naptime -- that it's only natural she'd need to let loose at home. I mean, I've always known that about toddler tantrums, but she's not a toddler anymore. She comes across as defiant and demanding, and uninterested in listening, at home. Not just tired and whiny.
And I know I'll need to keep it in mind this summer, when her naptime is ceased for good and always. She never naps on the weekend, so I know she can probably handle it, but I was always so relieved to know she still took naps Monday thru Friday (and she, unlike a lot of her classmates, fell asleep most times).
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| being silly with Papa Joe |
KT baby she will forever be, but she is becoming a real-live young lady, right before my very eyes.
Friday, May 10
Happy Friday! Some thoughts (7QT)
1. One thing I like to do is cut my fingernails short, and then paint them. Don't know why I like the look of short, painted nails better than long ones, but I do. Long ones seem... bitchier, maybe? I particularly enjoy painting them at the office. It feels illicit, and luxurious. Here's the color I'm painting today (I "borrowed" it (without asking) from KT's stash of One THOUSAND tiny nail polishes).
2. I used to be so much better at this blogging thing. I revisit old posts -- today I wanted to find out when, exactly, AJ started reading, so I was exploring January 2009) -- and I think, I was funny. I could string sentences together in a humorous, somewhat entertaining way! And people were coming here to read what I said. Hunh. I feel like I have lost some of that ability. And I know I've lost the greater ability to write anything meaningful. I used to do that. I got jealous reading some of Britt's insights yesterday. I wish I had written them. It's fine; suppose I'll just continue to write pithy things. ;) The difference is, I guess, she has a theme and a purpose, and I'm just here doing my thing, for me.
3. Actually, what it is, is, I'm saving my good stuff for the PAID writing I must do. Yesterday I knocked out two big assignments -- a letter from the Editor (me) for our magazine, and an article about one of our products -- that had been on my list all week. OHHH, I did not want to write those two things. But there were hard deadlines, and I had to. I broke out the pencil and paper for some good old-fashioned brainstorming (hate doing it in a group, don't mind so much scratching it out myself on scrap paper), and Wrote Those Suckers. Even got some virtual high-fives on them from the higher-ups. It felt good to get them done BEFORE Friday, and once again I was reminded to be grateful that I have a job where my actual skills are being used. Sometimes it's even fun, to write good things. It's a rare blessing that a lot of people who work do not have.
4. Random something that's kinda neat: An Oklahoma church unearthed a time capsule from 1913. My favorite things were the ones addressed to "Our friends in 2013."
5. I've been working on the way I see the world, lately -- I know that sounds kind-of big and dramatic. I had noticed, sadly, that I just had this general dislike of other people. You know, like, other drivers for example. It's easy to scowl at and sort-of hate the driver who cuts you off. And we all have people in our lives who are kind-of weird, and we just roll our eyes about them and allow our surface impression to simmer and grow. Which turns into dislike. So, well, I wanted to stop doing this. It actually happened by accident: I was in church one morning and I saw, in a front-row pew, this very rich family (who are always so nice, but) who live in a giant, gorgeous house which I used to grouse about every time I drove by it. And when I looked their way, I only saw that I LIKE them. I actually felt like I LOVED them. Loved that they're part of my community, anyway. (And they're nice. Why should I care about their house?) And then I saw another family I know, and I love them, too, for who they are as relates to my family. They're weird, sure. But that's who they are. Looking around, then, I started being able to love all the different people there, in different ways. The super-most-annoying lady became "Quirky Sue," in my mind, instead. I mean, accept it, right? It's not going to change. Just love her for who she is. Last night it happened at choir practice -- I felt such love for all the good, odd, annoying, sweet, dedicated people singing next to me and behind me. :) It's hard to explain. I'm trying to carry this feeling to the workplace (and other drivers!), because that's where I get a large majority of scowly feelings toward people. It's hard work (is that okay?), but I like it. Did anyone ever read that horrible book, the Celestine Prophecy? I did, and hated it, but the concept of seeing an "energy" or "light" coming from each person (hooey, in the book) is feeling real to me in this context.
6. What are we reading? I am trying like heck (in ten-minute increments) to finish Kingdom Keepers 1. AJ is loving this series -- he loves ALL the mystery/adventures series -- and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It's fun, but I don't want/need to read any more after this one. It's great for a kid like him, who's been lucky enough to go to Disneyworld enough that he remembers where rides and attractions are, because it takes place there. If you had never been to Disney, I'm not sure it would be as interesting. I'd like to read a grown-up book next, and I have a long list.
7. I'm going to miss singing this anthem with the choir on Memorial Day weekend, and I'm sad because I adore it. So fun to sing. It starts kind-of slow but gets really good around 2:20, and the Alleluias are just awesome. Best with eyes closed. :)
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| Orange for spring! |
2. I used to be so much better at this blogging thing. I revisit old posts -- today I wanted to find out when, exactly, AJ started reading, so I was exploring January 2009) -- and I think, I was funny. I could string sentences together in a humorous, somewhat entertaining way! And people were coming here to read what I said. Hunh. I feel like I have lost some of that ability. And I know I've lost the greater ability to write anything meaningful. I used to do that. I got jealous reading some of Britt's insights yesterday. I wish I had written them. It's fine; suppose I'll just continue to write pithy things. ;) The difference is, I guess, she has a theme and a purpose, and I'm just here doing my thing, for me.
3. Actually, what it is, is, I'm saving my good stuff for the PAID writing I must do. Yesterday I knocked out two big assignments -- a letter from the Editor (me) for our magazine, and an article about one of our products -- that had been on my list all week. OHHH, I did not want to write those two things. But there were hard deadlines, and I had to. I broke out the pencil and paper for some good old-fashioned brainstorming (hate doing it in a group, don't mind so much scratching it out myself on scrap paper), and Wrote Those Suckers. Even got some virtual high-fives on them from the higher-ups. It felt good to get them done BEFORE Friday, and once again I was reminded to be grateful that I have a job where my actual skills are being used. Sometimes it's even fun, to write good things. It's a rare blessing that a lot of people who work do not have.
4. Random something that's kinda neat: An Oklahoma church unearthed a time capsule from 1913. My favorite things were the ones addressed to "Our friends in 2013."
5. I've been working on the way I see the world, lately -- I know that sounds kind-of big and dramatic. I had noticed, sadly, that I just had this general dislike of other people. You know, like, other drivers for example. It's easy to scowl at and sort-of hate the driver who cuts you off. And we all have people in our lives who are kind-of weird, and we just roll our eyes about them and allow our surface impression to simmer and grow. Which turns into dislike. So, well, I wanted to stop doing this. It actually happened by accident: I was in church one morning and I saw, in a front-row pew, this very rich family (who are always so nice, but) who live in a giant, gorgeous house which I used to grouse about every time I drove by it. And when I looked their way, I only saw that I LIKE them. I actually felt like I LOVED them. Loved that they're part of my community, anyway. (And they're nice. Why should I care about their house?) And then I saw another family I know, and I love them, too, for who they are as relates to my family. They're weird, sure. But that's who they are. Looking around, then, I started being able to love all the different people there, in different ways. The super-most-annoying lady became "Quirky Sue," in my mind, instead. I mean, accept it, right? It's not going to change. Just love her for who she is. Last night it happened at choir practice -- I felt such love for all the good, odd, annoying, sweet, dedicated people singing next to me and behind me. :) It's hard to explain. I'm trying to carry this feeling to the workplace (and other drivers!), because that's where I get a large majority of scowly feelings toward people. It's hard work (is that okay?), but I like it. Did anyone ever read that horrible book, the Celestine Prophecy? I did, and hated it, but the concept of seeing an "energy" or "light" coming from each person (hooey, in the book) is feeling real to me in this context.
6. What are we reading? I am trying like heck (in ten-minute increments) to finish Kingdom Keepers 1. AJ is loving this series -- he loves ALL the mystery/adventures series -- and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. It's fun, but I don't want/need to read any more after this one. It's great for a kid like him, who's been lucky enough to go to Disneyworld enough that he remembers where rides and attractions are, because it takes place there. If you had never been to Disney, I'm not sure it would be as interesting. I'd like to read a grown-up book next, and I have a long list.
7. I'm going to miss singing this anthem with the choir on Memorial Day weekend, and I'm sad because I adore it. So fun to sing. It starts kind-of slow but gets really good around 2:20, and the Alleluias are just awesome. Best with eyes closed. :)
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