Just Say No to Meetings (Yes to Parties)

There is a sales meeting happening in my company this week and for the first time in a really long time, I am NOT attending! Woot! I have so much work to do here. I am not in sales, but marketing does indeed crossover with sales, so typically I am required to go, when it is held here in our U.S. headquarters city. However, this year they decided to travel to Orlando, and to keep the office staff travelers to a minimum, and that is FINE by ME. 

I also just declined a January meeting of the global marketing team, which will be held in Germany. WHY would I do that, you ask? I mean, free trip to Germany! I'll tell you why: the meeting is scheduled for the day of my Dear Husband's 50th birthday. And I am a loving wife. (It also happens to be a company holiday and who wants to work on a free day off??)

It's not that Shawn cares, actually -- he's told me several times that "it's just another day." But I care. Last time I went to Germany, I left town on Alex's birthday -- what is it with this company and my family's special days?! I hated leaving that day (although I feel like we might have had cake the night before, and he opened presents that morning before I left), but husband's 50th, I mean... that's a significant milestone. A few years back, he planned a very sweet surprise 40th birthday party for me, and I want to plan a party for him this year. I haven't done that since he turned 35 (!), because kids. Yes, we always celebrate adult birthdays as a family, but I'm setting a goal this year to host more dinners at our house anyway, so this is going to be the first one of Q1, 2019. 

Does Shawn even want a party? He says he doesn't need one, but if it were me, I think I'd want someone to have a to-do for me on my 50th. And besides, I know he ENJOYS a good party, if it isn't too much trouble to get there (check) and he has people to talk to (check, it will only be people he likes)! So I say it's a go.

I'm thinking about the Saturday before his Monday birthday, maybe late afternoon until ? -- and an all-appetizers, all-party-foods kind of menu. I'm very excited about that, and one of the things I've put into my new planner is a list of food ideas. Jalepeno poppers, chips and dips, wings, shrimp if I'm going "fancy." 

Here's where input would be helpful: 

• Should I do a cake, or cupcakes? Cupcakes would be infinitely easier if I could get them (make them?) fancy enough... (aaaaand I just opened another tab and clicked on Pinterest. I see a new Board in my future) 
• Should we have one special drink, or perhaps a vodka bar (his favorite spirit) with mixer options? Is that even a thing? I've seen bourbon bars, but not vodka.
• Do I have the right serving space for a vodka bar? 
• What will we do about kids? Should other people's kids be invited? Maybe not? But will their parents be offended if our kids are there? 
• I suppose I should take Christmas down before this party on Jan 19th... will we be able to manage that and clean the house?! Ha!

Well, I have a while, yet. A short while, and a busy one, with Christmas -- and guests at our house, yay! -- in the mix. Wish me luck.

Letting some thoughts flow

I probably have nothing to say but I feel like writing something, writing, writing, writing. To get it all out of my system. Get what out? I don't know. Cobwebs.

Yesterday was a really great day, for simple reasons. I:

• Had a 7:00 am global meeting -- am always allowed to do those from home -- but then it had technical difficulties so I didn't even end up attending it.
• Had a 9:15 am orthodontist appointment for Alex, so I hung out at home after the non-meeting. I rearranged one shelf in my dishes cabinet for easier access, and I petted my kittehs.
• Didn't have to do a single thing at the orthodontist, not even pay (we paid our full amount already and this was just a retainer check); I read magazines and Twitter.
• Voted! With Alex in tow, I went right after the orthodontist to the polls, waiting in line about 45 minutes with kind people, hopefully imparted to Alex the importance of his future votes, and voted without the usual internal struggle of choosing the lesser of 2 evils. 
• Put dinner in the crock pot (pork butt, for pulled pork later) and made my delicious lunch (a turkey/salami roll-up with lettuce and pepperocinis, yum).
• Finally, after essentially the entire morning off, went to the office. Half-days are the best days. :) 
• Had lots of proofreading work to do (my favorite kind - it's low-stress and high-result).
• Showed the CEO, who happens to be in town, a letter I wrote for her -- i.e., it will have her signature under it -- and she approved. Was very kind, in fact, and complimentary. And she gave me a hug. 
• Served the slow-cooked pork on slider buns with tater tots and salad. *Angels sang.*
• Watched "Manifest" with the family. It's fairly cheesy, but the kids like it. 
• Fell asleep while the election results started rolling in. 

It was nice, noticing throughout the day what a pleasant day I was having.

Today I have more proofreading to do, which will allow me to keep looking at election results most of the day since our GA races aren't fully decided yet. Plus, it's Wednesday, which is Shan and my regular lunch day. What will we eat? Mexican food? Sushi? Salads? There's so much possibility. ;) Tonight is a leftovers night at home, and then choir practice, which I want to skip but probably won't, because I'm reliable like that. We're starting Advent music, and singing Lo, How a Rose E're Blooming, one of my favorites. 

If you asked me "How are you?" today, I would say, "I can't complain," and really mean it. 

Planner planner planner! Excitement!

After reading all of SHU's careful reviews, and getting more and more curious about what setting goals would actually look like (what are ...goals?...) I have just clicked "Place Order" on a 2019 Golden Coil planner that I customized. I am so excited!

Really, what I like about SHU (Sarah Hart-Unger)'s goal-setting is the reflection afterwards. She sets yearly, monthly, quarterly (or quintile, this past year) goals, and then looks back to see how she did. Somehow she does this without judging herself as harshly as I usually do. That's why I stepped away from setting goals, years ago. I got too discouraged if they weren't met. But she's got me hoping maybe I could do it again, more gently. 

I've long used a notebook at work, for note-taking during meetings; for years, it was also my weekly to-do list. This year I switched to Outlook Tasks for work to-dos. I like it. And I think I've said that Shawn and I use shared Google calendars very successfully to plan our parenting lives -- I'll still use both of those online tools.

But I do love a paper planner. In fact, I was a Franklin-Covey user when that system was popular. I remember the actual store in Lenox Mall. Also, my Mom has forever used a desk planner/calendar and I loved it so much I used the same system in college (At-a-Glance Weekly). So this will be fun.

Maybe I'll do some planning/goal-setting during my first hour of work, when I'm typically doing stuff like that anyway. Maybe I'll carry it around with me in my purse and it will become my go-to. Maybe it will inspire me to work on improving my penmanship (one of my first Goals, actually)! (It has gotten even worse as the years have gone by. Sorry, Sister Anne-Mary. I also legitimately blame carpal tunnel.)

I think I'm also excited because it was a little gift to myself. I'm not always good at buying THINGS that are just for me. I see them as extravagances that I don't need. So this feels nice. It feels like self-care. Kindness.

Taking My Medicine

I was taking my 10-minute work-day walk just now -- gotta do it even if I'm not wearing running shoes -- and trying to encourage myself to take it every day, like medicine. What will we call it?

• malaise medicine, where malaise is just like 'asthma' so the meds are indeed necessary
• brain medicine, because a daily dose really does keep my brain from getting too squirrelly, if I'm consistent
• smile medicine, because it makes it easier to do so
• joy medicine, because I'm on a quest for joy

I suppose any of those will work. :) I forget to take it all the time, though. 

I'm feeling good today. I have a new sweater, because this past weekend, Saturday night in fact, I had uninterrupted shopping time all by myself at a department store. !!! And it was really quiet in there  because it was a Saturday night. I tried on things and bought two tops, two pairs of jeans, and a new purse I'm in love with. New purses are THE BEST. My only complaint about the trip was that I saw a mother-daughter duo in there together, showing each other cute things, and I wished my mom and I could shop together regularly. Darn me for moving to Georgia all those years ago.

Speaking of mother-daughter, shopping Not-with-Kate is also THE BEST. God bless her. I'd like to suspend shopping with her until she is a working adult and can afford her own stuff. Then, Shopping Dates, sure. Yesterday, on an errands-run to Target, she got a kick out of pushing my buttons just because. She knows I get frustrated when she stops at EVERY display and says, "Ooh, look, Mom, we NEED one of these (random useless things we do not need)!" She did it once or twice for real (she needs a new watch! (ok, fine.) She needs a new pencil case! (no she does not)) and then once or twice as a joke. Finally, I caught on. She told me later it's fun to mess with me. GIRL.  !!!

---- 

We're on Pain Watch 2018. Carpal tunnel, I believe, so it's Tingly Wrists but also Left Elbow this time. I can't turn my palms up with a straight arm, without pain. I've been on regular ibuprofin since last Thursday, and it's not helping much. Tonight begins a wrist-brace regimen while I sleep. (Remember when? Check out that baby belly and that old-school camera!) And no downward dogs. Sob! It is hard to do yoga without using your wrists/hands. Argh. Getting Old Sucks. 

----

Work has been better, I think. A big project -- our yearly magazine -- is going quite well; somehow the words have come just when I needed them to. In one instance, the article I couldn't feel inspired to write was miraculously replaced with a different article I wasn't aware was coming. Serendipity. There has been plenty of work to fill my days, so they seem to go by faster. We're not having High Drama, although that's always a possibility. And today I was informed I got a 2% raise and a year-end bonus (tiny, but still). 

All in all, a pretty good start to Halloween week. A neighborhood party to look forward to... I'm making hot-dogs in mummy-wraps (crescent dough) and I have a new witch hat to wear. I also bought the good candy (Reese's, Skittles, Airheads, Smarties, M&Ms)... You?

Things about Alex that bring me J O Y

His sweet temperament and personality. His gentleness.

When he dances or dabs after making the perfect comment.

That he's so self-reliant and responsible.

How he loves his kitties so much and just wants what's best for them.

How he handles all his allergies without much complaint.

His handsome face. He is and has always been such a good-looking kid. (I know biology makes me biased.) ;)

His ability to remember things he's studied and read. His mind. 

His quiet nature.

His desire that everyone just do the right thing, himself included.

How he's handling high school, with all its newness, as it comes. 

His loyalty to and friendship with Brandon.

That he goes at his own pace and knows his limits.

That he's stepped out of his comfort zone to try the rock climbing club, mostly because we made him pick SOMETHING, but that he chose this one, not the one we suggested. ;)

That he'll discuss good books with me. 

That I can use bad language around him now, and it doesn't phase him. (Not that I do it very much, but you know. When we watch a video and the f-bomb is dropped, it's okay.) Teens for the win.

That he's being cautious in high school, where kids are sometimes doing dangerous/questionable things like vaping and Juul pods. 

When he works really hard at a piano piece and wants to get it right.

That he's so sensitive to my feelings. 

That he is HELPFUL and if we ask for his help, he willingly gives it.

That he's frugal and wise about money.

That he'll still jump on the trampoline or shoot baskets with his sister.

He doesn't always understand her, but he tells her he loves her every night before bed. 

Things about Kate that bring me J O Y

Her hair, especially when she wears it in two little buns on the top of her head, like this morning. She is so. cute.

Her shoulder dimples.

Her beautiful face, especially when she smiles big or laughs.

Her desire to be funny (and her inability to deliver a punchline). Her "jokes."

The way she looks when she sleeps.

The way she still likes to sleep in my bed.

How fast she reads.

Cartwheels, when she was six and seven. Constant Cartwheels.

The fact that she can do both a back walkover and a front walkover (I never could!).

The fact that she wants so badly to get her back handspring.

Her beautiful singing voice.

When she sings in the shower at full volume. ;)

How grown-up she sometimes is, talking about purses or shoes or even friends -- especially how she handles friends who maybe aren't acting so grown up. Water off a duck's back... "whatever."

How she loves arts and crafts. Making things.

How sweet she is when she's with sweet friends like Olivia, Mary, and Ady Grace.

Her sense of fashion is all her own.

She wanted VANS. Black and white checkered Vans. (And the Vans sticker, this past summer.)

How she just wants the cats to LOVE HER.

That she'll try new foods and usually likes them. Someday she'll go out for sushi with me. And Thai food. And Greek.

That she is confident and strong.

Fall Fun

We had quite a big weekend here in Acworth, and I haven't blogged in nearly 2 weeks, so hello! How are you? I mean, it wasn't an epic weekend, there was just a lot of stuff to do. Thankfully, I didn't feel stressy about any of it, and I think we had some fun. At least I did. ;)

Football

On Friday night, we went to the last regular-season home football game at Alex's high school. That is, Shawn and Kate and I (and a friend of Kate's) went. Alex elected not to. He felt weird about that, and Shawn and I felt a little sad about it, but his (one) friend Anthony was sick and not going, and apparently Alex didn't want to just ... I don't know, sit with his family. ;) Teenagers. We had to talk through whether we are okay with him making his own decisions or if we need to, instead, say, "No, this is what we're doing as a family tonight," and make him go. But we didn't make him go this time. 

The game was completely lopsided in our favor (final score Home 56, Visitors 0!), but the two girls had a great time. The weather had turned cold that very day so it felt right to bring jackets and order coffee instead of Gatorade. I'm kinda hopeful there will be lots of playoff games to attend.

I had such a moment during the game, though. I happily spent many a Friday night at the football stadium when I was in high school, bopping around with ribbons in my hair, cheerleading and smiling big for the crowd and giggling about boys, and being PART of it all... and in the 3rd quarter I got wistful about it. Wondering, inside my head, where had that girl gone? And my head said back to me, "You're still her," and that's what got me going, because sometimes it doesn't feel like it, despite how good life is. Fourteen feels (and is) so long ago! My every wish came true, but those were good times, in my youth. :) Shawn said I was scaring Kate's friend, crying at a football game. That's probably true, haha. But the heart does what it does, and mine ached a little bit Friday night for the things that used to be. I laughed about it later. What in the world?! 

Photo Shoot

Saturday morning bright and early, we went over to a little park/walking trail near home, and met our friend Shelly who's a semi-professional photographer. And man, did we take some photos. It always feels weird to play "models" and have to move around, supposedly carefree and comfortable, while she clicks away. However, we endured it because I am TIRED of not having any pictures of the 4 of us. I'm bad about forgetting to take them, and the last time we did a real photo shoot was 5 years ago.  I can't wait to see how they turned out and I'm determined not to be fussy about how I personally look. I just wanted to capture us. 

Wedding Singer

I sang at a wedding at our church after the photo shoot. That's about it, I didn't know the couple at all (except I found out the groom's last name is Thrasher!) and the songs were simple hymns, nothing fancy or solo-like. It was easy, and easy money. I wish there were more weddings at our church so I could really call it a helpful side-gig!

Sunday Mall Trip

Kate doesn't believe it's a weekend (or a break or vacation day) unless she's gone shopping. So on Sunday, she and I went to the mall. I've come to accept it. She's learning to ask nicely and it's more fun when I just say "yes" if I can. Yes to going, Yes to buying her a $35 pair of shoes, Yes to a new phone case (for me) that she wanted to choose because it says, "Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice." Why not. We change our phone cases now for the different seasons, apparently.

We were semi-accosted by a man selling facial cream. He asked us our names, used them too frequently, starting putting lotion on our hands (and my puffy eyes) without permission, and complimenting me about how young my skin looked -- I had made the mistake of not wearing any makeup, not even to the mall! I am that many years old -- and basically he sold me some snake-oil in the end. Kate was disgusted that I let him talk me into it. (Kate, who will buy anything you put in front of her!) And I felt guilty about it for an hour or so, but the truth is, I've been wanting to "up my game" in the care of my face, and have no idea how to do that, so it's fine. I got an exfoliating gel and a lotion that does actually smell nice. 

And then we rinsed the 'bad taste' of yucky salesman out of our mouths by going to Bath and Body Works and smelling all their fall candles.

Capped it off with an evening LifeTeen Mass and dinner at Panera while Alex attended his confirmation class, and I'll call it a great weekend. I didn't get to lay on the couch and read as much as I would have liked, but I think this was probably better.

Menus!

A chicken pot pie from last week turned out amazing, I thought. Shawn said, 'More chicken, fewer vegetables, please,' but to me it was perfect. This week:

M - Creamy tomato pasta w/broccoli

T - Oven-baked hamburgers, veggies and ranch, baked beans, BBQ chips

W - Burrito Bowls

Th - Meatballs in sauce, Pumpkin-Corn Chowder

F - I'm going to Book Club! You're On Your Own, Kids.

Happy Monday, people! Writing this has helped me enjoy mine. 

What's For Dinner? x Infinity

Been trying to plan better weekly dinner menus, with a few new recipes, the last two weeks. Now I'm reading LL's and mine pale in comparison (this is why you shouldn't compare yourself to other women) but still, I have felt pretty good about what we've been eating.

Last Week (and/or the week before):

Sunday: NEW Salmon burgers! These were delicious, I thought, including the avocado salsa. I tried to get the kids to try it. Served them with whole grain buns (trying so hard to be as food conscientious as I think I ought to be), but the family determined the bun flavor overtook the salmon a bit too much. I didn't eat one but I can believe it. I think we also had corn on the cob, and broke one of our little yellow corn handles that I've had since we got married. 

Monday: One-pan smoked sausage, potatoes, sweet potatoes and broccoli, all roasted. Actually two pans, because I made both regular and chicken-apple sausage, and a lot of potatoes. Everyone loves this meal.

Tuesday: BBQ Meatballs, with mashed potatoes (Steam and Mash!) and corn. So super easy. 

Wednesday: Teriyaki Chicken and Rice, with sugar snap peas that got overcooked and were not delicious. 

Thursday: NEW Lemon Butter Chicken, served with Uncle Ben's Wild Rice and probably green beans. I liked the chicken; it was even good as lunch leftovers with the rice, which is saying something. Usually I pack leftovers up and then end up throwing them away 1.5 weeks later.

(A few days are fuzzy in here, but I know one night I made a Pizza Ring using Crescent Roll dough, we had a Taco Tuesday at some point, and one night I made Meatloaf.)

On the menu This Week:

This past Saturday: On request, Shawn made Spaghetti and garlic knots for Kate and her sleepover buddy. I had a work event and didn't get to eat them, but I'm told the noodles didn't even stick together! Mine always do. (The sleepover buddy, however, was kind enough to tell me later that HER mom's noodles stick together, and she LIKES it that way. That kid can come back anytime.)

Sunday: Crock Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup. Easy go-to that I will enjoy the rest of this week at lunch.

Monday: Tuna Casserole! Another golden oldie. Still, I feel good about this because it's our Serving of Fish. With fruit salad (yummy, yummy).

Tuesday: Spicy Fried Chicken! Spicy for Shawn and me, only Garlicky for the kids. ;)

Wednesday: We are going out to Moe's, because Kate is spending the night out (she is off school at the end of this week). Nachos for me, I think. Yum.

Thursday: Chicken Parmesan over egg noodles, probably. I don't usually bread the chicken, but maybe I'll try this recipe this week.

P.S. Good grief, I just clicked the "menus" category and every single time I post a menu, it includes Crock Pot Chicken Tortilla Soup. I guess.... consistency? Maybe it will be the meal the kids request when they come home from college? hahaha! Oh, dear.

PTO tomorrow!

I've taken tomorrow off. For once in my life, I have a few days to burn before the end of the year. I took tomorrow in order to spend time with Alex, who's on Fall Break and has been mostly babysitting the cats, the neighbors' dog, and his PlayStation this week at home. Kate didn't have the same week off, so there was no impetus to plan a trip (and also we're not very good at that skill). But now his best friend is spending the night tonight, and they'll be busy all day tomorrow, and so. I have a day to myself, basically!

So much I want to do. First, yoga. Restarting a "31 Days of Yoga" challenge for myself. Need it. Next, coffee and the breeze on my back patio, of course. Must-do. THEN:

• Maybe Target. I have a list, including a PSL and some fun, new Fall decor. I think I even have gift cards to spend!
• Lunch with my buddy, Alvin (former choir director)
• Reading The Invention of Wings
• Cleaning/Organizing/Decorating for Fall (don't wanna, but want it done and should use my time wisely)
• Picking up Kate in carpool, I guess (don't wanna, again, but she'll expect it)

Can't remember the last time I had a day off, just because. 

This One's About the J-o-b

I never did write about my trip to London from August. Feels so long ago now! It was hard to go, but/and I got through it -- that's important to remember. We can do hard things, as Glennon says.

There were many wonderful things about the trip, but first in my mind is this: the hotel-room portions of my days, after hours, after big dinners with drinks, paid for by someone else, were like a mini retreat. THAT is what I was grateful for. I spent from about 8:00 pm to 11:00 pm every night (because I wasn't sleepy for time zone reasons) journaling, reading, doing long yoga videos (I took my mat overseas!), praying, and then FaceTiming the family, because we live in the future. Treating that hotel time so carefully, not turning on the news if I could help it, being quiet and calm, helped me get through the working part of the trip, which was Less Fun.

On the outside of the hotel room I also got to see a lot of the sights, thanks to my friend and co-worker, Miranda, who toured me around generously. We walked and we walked. In her small town of Winchester, we saw the massive Cathedral, ate fish and chips and vinegar, and then met her friend for afternoon tea. It was so lovely! Cream tea! The English ladies said the scones weren't that great, but I didn't know any better and thought they were delish. ;) I learned the difference between Cornish and Devon cream tea. I'm a Devon devotee, myself. I had to be schooled about what whipped double cream actually is, though -- it's not just sweet butter.

Clearly, it was the most adorable and fun afternoon I had there.

In London the next day, we tried to squeeze in a peek at every tourist site we could -- starting with Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Hyde Park, then Kensington Palace and Gardens, then over to the river bank where we glimpsed the Eye, and for some reason tried to walk all the way to get a pic of the London Tower and Bridge. We didn't quite get far enough -- it's a very long walk -- and by that point I was wrecked, physically, so we had a milkshake and made our way back, by train, to Winchester for the evening.

Also lovely -- the King's Head Inn in Winchester. Full English Breakfast was part of the service and I enjoyed it both mornings I was lucky enough to wake up there in the country. (English countryside, achievement unlocked!) Baked beans and black pudding and all. The 2nd day, I had about 2 hours to kill after check-out, so I happily sat outside on the "patio" (just a table in front of the hotel) reading a work-related magazine and chatting, through an open window, with the innkeeper. I mean. Wow.

The working was work, but the days went by quickly enough. We drove to Windsor Castle (the town surrounding the actual castle) for dinner one evening. It was like New Orleans, tacky and touristy, but I loved it. Ate a fantastic Thai green curry and drank 2 fruity prosecco drinks that night, so it couldn't have been bad!

One last note is that I got teary walking down the jetway onto my return flight. Who knew! London charmed me, and I knew that I may not ever get to go back (though I hope I will). Feelings are so weird -- didn't want to go AT ALL, then felt sad when it was over.

Today, as I sit remembering it, I'm grateful grateful grateful for the experience. I'm home in my comfortable routine, but today, disliking what's in front of me this week. Work, right? Sigh. There are so many projects and a few challenging people to have to work with. Earlier this morning I had a small crisis of, "I just really don't want to DO THIS anymore." Some days are like that, in any job I guess. Other days you're in London. I'm doing my level best to TRUST that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, for reasons unknown to me. To just get on with it. Do my best.

Good old Monday.

Heart Emojis

"Rock Climbing Club," says Alex, along with another important sentence: "My friend Brady is in it."

A friend I do not know.

A NEW FRIEND. 

= all the heart emojis! 

This makes me happy. Alex has done a little rock climbing at his summer camp over the years, both indoor and outdoor, so I'm also glad he knows the basics before he starts. I'm sure that gives him a little confidence going in, too. They climb indoors every other Saturday and meet some Friday mornings at school -- and they also do service projects together. 

And now I can relax. My job here is done. ;)

I can't tell you how relieved I am.

.....

I had a full day at work yesterday, meetings from 9 until 4, seriously, and then a mental crisis when I thought I had lost my debit card. Again. (Left it in a restaurant 2 years ago.) The worst part of losing it was that, not 1 week before, we had taken Alex to the bank to set up HIS first debit card, with all the accompanying parental speeches about keeping it safe and being responsible. 

The good news is, I ... uh.... found mine in my wallet this morning. I had looked there, I swear! It was nestled between a $10 and a $5. Not its correct home, obviously, within the wallet, but oh how stupid I have felt about the entire incident. (I had even called Chick Fil A to make sure I hadn't left it with them during Tuesday's drive-thru lunch.) So embarrassing. And stressful.

.....

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult is an excellent book. I have loved so many of her stories. 

.....

I'm trying to be a student of Joy. I know I recommended the Sacred Space app, and I do still love that one. May I also recommend this Bible plan? I don't know if you have tried the Bible app by YouVersion, but how else would we read the Bible in 2018? On our devices, that is the only way. This particular plan of daily devotions was a really good one for me. And JOY is all over the Bible -- who knew?? But now I do. :)

Activities!

It has been so nice, this first month of school, without too many extracurricular activities to attend. SO. NICE.

Children's choir, first of all, is on a year-long hiatus, and all I can say about that is YIPPIE! Forced break and I will take it.

I had talked with Kate about maybe not signing back up at her gymnastics academy ("academy") this year, because... many reasons. Long story short,

1. She didn't always have fun or want to go.
2. She left class hurt several times. Nothing serious, but still. Back hurting. Neck hurting. Doesn't seem so good.
3. Lack of progress. 

Yes, she has learned to do a back walkover and her cartwheels have certainly improved since she was 5 years old. But to pay actual money every month and not really see her gain new skills or experiences from it...? I don't know. I feel like it has stalled out.

She and I had a kid-sized discussion about it earlier this summer, and I thought she agreed with me. So when it came time to register, I just... didn't. And now she has asked to go back. Luckily I guess, there's room in the class. It's not that expensive, and if she wants to do it, I want to encourage her. But when I asked if maybe she wanted to step it up and try a different studio (she'd mentioned cheerleading/dance as possible activities, too), she declined.

Anyway, that will start up again on Thursdays.

And basketball registration was this week, and practices will begin in October. I'm okay with basketball. It's school-sponsored and I do love Team Spirit. :)

Both kids are taking piano lessons, Wednesday nights right before bedtime (7:45-8:45). I feel like Kate's heart isn't in it. I think Alex's still IS. Neither one of them practices like I think they should. But let's talk about Alex for a minute...

Just how easy do I let him take things, now that he's in high school? I don't want to be a pushy Mom, but I need him to put in a little effort and get involved in something. (Not to mention those pesky college applications, which the high school counselors already won't stop talking about.) It's not news to him; we have told him all along that he'll want/need to join at least one club, simply to meet people. Well, we're a month in, and he hasn't really even thought about it from what I can tell. He sits alone at lunch, we've learned, and has come to some peace about that. But I am NOT at peace about it! Every time I mention clubs to him, though, I feel like a nag.

Parenting teenagers isn't as easy as it looks!

I just checked a couple of club pages on his school's website. So, okay, I didn't really see anything that was too interesting. He can be a Wrestling team manager. Or a videographer for the football team. Or a Young Democrat/Republican. (No.) Bother. What can I get him jazzed about? A/V production (the school 'TV' broadcast)? Service Clubs? History Club?

He's taking the Band class, but he isn't in marching band. Not sure I WANT him in that, frankly; it's super expensive and time-intensive, although the camaraderie can't be topped, from what I understand. We'll see, I guess, where this year leads. I know he's enjoying the challenge of it, compared to middle school band.

What did you do in high school? I was a cheerleader, and was lucky that tryouts happened just before school began, so I came in with a couple of new friends immediately. Also, my school was 72% smaller than his (gigantic public) school.

Insight

I have learned: Transitions = Hard for Miss Kate. Summer to school, for instance. We had ourselves a jolly little (big) meltdown last night over America's Got Talent. She put herself to bed - just fell asleep, exhausted. (She'd already been having an emotional day, crying at school during a thunderstorm, her teacher told me. This fear does not seem to be going away.) Nothing makes you more tired than a big cry, I know from experience.

Also. My PMS time is not a good time for her meltdowns to happen, sheesh-oh-pete. I had been having an emotional day for a variety of reasons, already, yesterday, too. Alex growing up. My job not fitting my parameters of work-life balance. Etc. But it is OKAY to not feel OKAY. And just because your feelings are fueled by PMS does not mean they're made up. They're the same feelings you'd have without PMS, only magnified. They're real, and they're allowed. Positive Self Talk.

I found a daily prayer resource that I like. It's an app called Sacred Space. I've been using it for a few days now.

This morning I read John 12:24 about the grain of wheat and unless it dies, it's just a grain. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. Never really understood that one, or cared to, just accepted it. But today, thinking about it, I finally get it. I FINALLY get that you have to be bruised and broken up, like the grain is at harvest, tilled under, in order to fertilize the ground and sprout and live. So all the intense arguments, the difficult relationships, the little sadnesses, the hardest burdens to bear - those are what give us life.

I'm not sure I am grateful for that fact -- like, still, why? Why does it have to be hard? -- but I see it now. I can accept it as true. 

I AM grateful for this time of insight and happy spiritual awareness lately. Possibly has to do with connecting in prayer more often (duh), but it's been good for my soul. Let the kids tell you about how I cried at Mass last Sunday! Woo, that was a doozy. From all my worry about Alex's first week of high school, all the crying out to Jesus that I did that week in prayer -- then to hear some really powerful music just broke me open. It was good, and right and cleansing and I needed it. They were properly confused by it... and when they kinda made fun of me, talking/asking about it, I got embarrassed and a little mad. So much crazy emotion. Gah.

Anyway. This is all over the place. Happy Friday. I'm so glad it's the weekend, and grateful for my life with all its grains of wheat.

World Traveler Goes To... London!

Up next is a trip to London for the world traveling working mom, me.

It's a weird arrangement that my job description, currently, is "50% Global marketing, and 50% U.S. marketing." Weird because that looks fine on paper, but how is a person supposed to equally divide her time? At first, I tried working on my Global tasks in the mornings (when the Europeans were also in the office) and saving my U.S. tasks for the afternoons. It kind-of works, unless you're a person who checks email first thing in the morning, because whatever seems most pressing is what gets attention using that system. Hint: I check email first. So I'm out of the Global Mornings habit -- in fact, I feel so far removed from the Global team that it's real hard to care at all about it.

But aside from the work aspect of it -- the trip is for a series of meetings about global content -- I'm going to London! And Winchester, south of London, where my colleague lives. It cost half as much to travel on a Friday night versus a Monday (the meetings start Tuesday), so I get to spend the weekend being a tourist. And when I look at the maps and the adorable hotel I'm staying at, I do start to feel excited about this trip. Praise God, they literally speak my language in England, and that alone makes it less daunting than Germany. My friend will pick me up at the airport, another bonus (and so kind of her), and she has planned out an entire itinerary for us, first in Winchester, home of the Jane Austen House Museum (!!) and then a big day in London seeing as many sights as I can see. :)

Some things to figure out:

• Where to park at the airport - I hate airport parking.
• Is it better to exchange money for cash, or for a Travelex card? At the bank or online? Or at the airport?
• What kind of shoes do I want for walking ALLLL over London? Do I want my old-ish out of style ones that I know are comfy-ish, or new ones? I think new, but, is that risky? Ouchy feet would not be fun.

It should be a good trip. My boss' boss, who called the meeting, said that "A lot of tasks will probably be created at this meeting, so it will be good if you are there." Ugggh. That takes a little of the fun out of it, haha, but I try to remember in these cases that the tasks don't have to be completed at the meeting -- it's just a first discussion of the tasks.

Anyway, I leave Aug 17 and will be gone nearly a week. (!) That's a long time.

Update: Not good. Then, better.

Wednesday dawned and we sent the boy off to high school, just as planned. It was raining. It has been raining for what feels like a month (really, 3 or 4 days), but I was incredulous -- come on, his First Day walking to the bus stop? That's just crappy.

Anyway, for all my nerves, he took an umbrella, found the bus, made it to school, (he texted me) and to his homeroom classroom, and things were off to a roaring good start. (Ok, honey, have a great day!!!) I worked from home a little, went to the office for 2 meetings and lunch with the girls, then came home to be there when he arrived home. My level of focus was extremely low all day, I'll admit.

I spent a lot of time on the Life360 app, following the bus. It's your basic "stalker" parenting app -- you can set up a "circle" or family members, and then you'll know where they are at all times, and what percentage their phone's battery has left (I guess if a kid's battery is low you can remind him to charge it, in case of emergency?) ... it feels slightly invasive, but also comforting. Naturally, on the first day, with rain, and construction going on at our particular school, buses were running really late. He didn't get home until an hour past when he should have. But that was okay, I understood it logically. It's the first day, there are kinks to work out. (So many parents online complaining! I laughed - really, people? Common sense says it's going to be rough on the first day.)

He came in the front door and graciously handled all of my questions (I tried to hold back), then went upstairs to start his homework. I was so relieved that the transportation logistics had worked out. That was one of my biggest fears/unknowns. Like I said, some glitches, but it was fine. (And even better the 2nd day.) Thankfully there was another kid waiting at the stop, so that helped Alex know he was in the right place.

Only later did we come to understand that things had been sad and lonely most of his day. He bent his head and had a little emotional breakdown under my chin. It is so, so hard to feel alone and unseen. He knows exactly 5 people in a school of 2,000, and guess what? It's hard to find those 5 in the lunchroom. So he sat by himself and ate pizza that he said wasn't any good.

Such heartbreak. So many things I could've said, but didn't want to overwhelm. Just, "I know, honey, it's so hard. I'm sure it will be better tomorrow. It's okay to feel this way." (In my mind: Think of all the positives. Count the blessings. We knew it would be a little unfamiliar. This is normal. Can you read at lunch? What can I do? Don't cry. You already did the hardest part. Everyone experiences loneliness, it's part of being human. Even Jesus. [Sooooo many things I wanted to say.])

I didn't sleep well that night. He woke up reluctant to go through a day like he'd had, again, but I tried to encourage him and say that every day, it will get a little better. Faces will get familiar. You'll be having conversations with people in class, and that will carry over into the social times of day, like lunch. I knew that to be true, but I know it's hard to believe it when you're the one feeling lonely.

Praise God, he came home yesterday (Thursday) with a smile. His words: "Much better." He actually FOUND his friend Will in the cafeteria. He also had another buddy that he was sitting with, from his homeroom. There's a sophomore in his band class and on his bus, who is Alex's height (unusual) and seems to be friendly to him. He likes his classes. He ate Asian orange chicken and it was delicious. Thursday when I got home, he was working on homework at the kitchen table.

He left today (Friday) with a little spring in his step. I pray it will really feel like a nice Friday.

And this morning, the rain seems to have ended.

The day in between...

Yesterday was a big day. Orientation for Alex at his new high school. HIGH SCHOOL. How do we have a kid in high school? A fourteen-year-old? I mean, it was NOT that long ago when I was fourteen. I remember it very distinctly, remember my first few days of 9th grade, where my locker was, what the combination was (31-1-15 whyyyyyy), all my teachers, the sounds and smells of the buildings... not long ago! Hahaha. Er, 30 years is short! A blink!

Anyway, I took Alex to Orientation and the first test of our fortitude was that the parking situation was terrible. Allll those parents and students, all at once, and guess what? It's a construction year! So half the parking places aren't available. Traffic was lined up to get into the lot, and even when we did, ten minutes late already, there were no spots. I had to let Alex out (good luck, honey! you're on your own!) and go down the street to find a grassy field with some room for my car. It all worked out, I think, and we got some good information during the morning's events. There was a moment later in the day when I could tell Alex was upset. It was after he stood in line and got his yearbook photo taken. He'd been waiting for his 8th grade friend to finish, as well (one of the three people he knows at the school), and waiting a long time apparently. I could see the very beginnings of tears in his eyes, and he said he was just "tired of having no one to talk to." Sigh. It's going to be lonely for a day or three, my boy. Until you meet some people and see them for a few days, and then know them. 

I have hope that his other known friend, Will, is going to have the same lunch period. There's a pretty good chance, and if that were the case, it would once again be God's hand giving us an outright gift. (There have been a few instances of that recently - other moms offering to keep Kate on days I just didn't know what we would do, babysitter-wise, etc.) I would accept prayers and crossed fingers on the lunch topic, from anyone who reads this. xo

Today is the day in-between. I'm at the office and I do hope he's working on his World History assignment -- naturally, the one summer assignment he did NOT complete yet, is his first period class. It's due next Monday.

I've been thinking about how nervous we all were when he started Kindergarten, and how that experience led us to this one. We've "started a new school" once before, and it became home. We can do it this time, too. 

Tomorrow's Day One. He'll take the bus for the very first time, and he told me not to walk with him to wait for it. He said it kindly, don't worry, and I get it. It may rain. :( More prayers for clear skies, at least at 7:40 am and 3:55 pm. He has money on his student lunch account, so he can buy something fun (pizza! nachos! chicken tenders! all the options we did not have in parochial school, for the low, low price of $2.60!). He has an idea of where to go. Shawn and I can't help but coach him; we both keep saying "just do..." and "just remember," and I'm sure it's driving him crazy. But here we are. 

Inside My Mind on a Quiet Sunday

I got myself into a little mental spiral yesterday, after leaving the kiddos at Susan's (MIL) for the week, and having 4+ hours of quiet time in the car trip back home. Here are a few of the things I was mulling over (and over and over and over):

1. When will it be our TURN, to live a more relaxing life? I don't mean winning the lottery  necessarily, or living a life of luxury. Because, as Shawn and I discussed last night, that would only lead to a different set of stresses. And we have a good life already. What I mean is, when will we be able to have a daily round that has more EASE? I feel like this summer has turned out to be very busy and slightly stressful day to day, after a school year which was also busy and stressful. I'd like to have the opportunity to just BE sometimes, and not always DO. To not have a tasks list. I'm grateful for this good life, but, you know?? Do we have to wait until we're retired? That doesn't seem fair.

1a. Am I allowing too many extracurriculars? Would cutting those back help me feel better? I have an opportunity to do so, here with a choir director leaving (again). Perhaps that's the first thing that should go - my choir commitment. And possibly Kate's. That's at least 2 nights of more ease, plus Sundays, so...probably. Yes.

2. Are we providing a good life for our kids? Is this life, which feels stressful to me, also stressful to them? Have they had a good, or a stressful, summer? (If it's been stressful for Alex, I can at least lay some of the blame on high school. He has an unreal list of summer homework and I'm mad about it.) We're doing our best. Is it good enough?

2a. Has leaving them at home alone so much this summer, so we can work, been the right thing to do? Has it made them feel abandoned? Or has it, on the other hand, helped them develop the skills of independence, time management, and self confidence? Taught them the value of hard work (seeing Shawn and I work hard) (and also helping with some chores every day while we're gone - simple things like litter box duty and laundry and loading/unloading the dishwasher)?

3. Do we need to move one grandparent or the other set up here closer to us? Will we, eventually? How will we even do that? How many weekends would it take to clear out and sell Susan's house? Or would she rather stay with her friends down there? I suppose the latter. I guess I started thinking about this because being in her house is so unpleasant, unfortunately. Wouldn't it be nice to get her into a nice, new living situation, for our sakes? 

4. How can we be better at communicating with family? We need to FaceTime with grandparents (and Aunt Jane) (and what about other aunts, uncles, cousins?) more often. We should do it during dinner, once a week, pick someone and call, so we all get to talk with them. Doesn't matter that dinner is supposed to be device-free. This would be better than NOT calling. Susan gave Shawn a little dig about not visiting more than once a year, and it hurt a little. We do the best we can. It goes back to #1, we're just always so busy. Even on weekends. When we do get a 3-day weekend, gosh, sometimes we just need a fricking DAY OFF. And I feel like this is not abnormal -- that every family with kids in school has this same schedule, this same level of busy. But I/we feel bad that we DON'T visit more often. (Nor do we visit Pensacola very often. Or, ever.) And it sucks that we NEVER seem have 2 full weeks -- or even one full week -- left at the end of the calendar year, for holiday trips. Never. We carefully ration our vacation days, and still, we can't get away for holidays in December. Also, we sometimes don't want to travel during the holidays, and then we're made to feel bad about it by some people.

I guess that's enough. My brain is tired. Overall, everything is fine, of course. Exactly as it's meant to be. But I got all thinky, and these are the things that bubbled up to the surface.

June, and now July!

I can't believe it's been so long between blog posts. But A LOT has been happening -- I mean, a LOT. June simply didn't slow down, not even when we ditched the kids at WinShape for 2 weeks. Er, lovingly dropped them off.

Much of my own "busy" was at work. It has just been non-stop. We had a Sales Meeting to prep for and then attend (11-13th, I stayed in a hotel down by the airport). We had an impossible deadline to meet, launching brand-new microsites in 4 different countries. Then they decided to throw in a PR campaign for said websites (2 press releases to write and several meetings to talk about how to manage the PR). More immediate deadlines. Then I don't even know what-all.

It made it a little harder that I had signed Kate up for a day-camp the week of June 18th. Oh, summer day-camps, how I hate thee. It is so unhelpful to have camps that begin at 9:00am and end at 3:00pm. I guess the SAHMs find those times perfect, but not this mom. No offense to the SAHMs. (Dear Kate, I advise you to become a teacher.) I brought her to my office most of those mornings. She was good as gold, actually, and I had worked out some carpools with friends, but it still complicated my week somehow. I also had an offsite, all-day meeting one of those days. WHY!? Gah. Extra shuffle, Shawn took her to work and to camp that day, and Carli helped with some afternoon pickups, too. Oh, also also, one of those days included dentist appointments for both kids, and since Alex had brought home a cold from Winshape, I went ahead and scheduled a doc appt for him, too. WHIMPER. I "worked from home" that day, which I love to do, but... after toting my laptop around town, sneaking in a half-hour here and half-hour there, I was mentally and physically exhausted by Friday. Mostly mentally. Had a touch of a breakdown, in fact, when I hit my head with the vacuum (because why not, let's also vacuum the house before we leave town, we don't have enough to do). It HURT, and I cried.

Thank GOODNESS we left for the beach the next day. And we did nothing, zero, zip, zilch at the beach for a week. It was a memorable year for that reason, and for the kids' parasailing adventure with Papa Joe (poor Alex got sick from the boat on choppy waters), and for the reason of having no extra uncles/cousins/people to entertain. Hooray! I read 3 books: Fates and Furies by Lauren Groff (pretty weird, but interesting enough and well written); New to Me by Linda Sharps (the best! Laugh out loud funny); and then Return to Sullivan's Island by Dorothea Benton Frank (perfect easy (almost wrote 'dumb') beach read with a kind-of surprise ending).

Which brings us to now! This week the kiddos have been at Mom and Dad's for "Camp Grandmommy." And none of us knows what is going on with Kate, but she has called us and cried that she misses us (and she's scared of thunderstorms) nearly every night. WTH?! She's been going to their house since she was four years old with hardly a backward glance. The only thing I can figure is different this year is that she's ten, and maybe has some pre-teen hormones swirling around making her inexplicably weepy. Right? Surely that's it. She was weepy for 3-4 days after we returned from Seattle, too, missing it, overly sad it was over. So that has been weird, but they're having a great time, I think. Playing with the cousins, swimming a bit, shopping, movies, pedal/paddle boats, and today a ferry ride across the bay. I'm so grateful to my Mom and Dad for enduring the moody one, and for hosting/feeding/entertaining both of them.

We pick them up tomorrow, if I can get through one more day at the office. Then a quick weekend -- including Alex's 14th birthday on Sunday (WHUT?!) -- and then back at it.

Next post may just be about the first week of school. Whatever happened to deliciously long summers?? Sigh. These poor kids don't know what they're missing.

Survivors of May; 8th grade Graduation & Lots of Feelings

We did it. We did ALL the things and came out on the other side. Today is finally Kate's last half-day of school, and Alex has been graduated for 3 days and out for a week already, and my stress levels have dialed themselves back to "acceptable," for now. I do still have to get them packed for 2 weeks at camp in the next 8 days, but I think with a credit card that shouldn't be too difficult. (Aside: I know it's fun to have a different costume for every "Nite Life" at camp, Camp People, but I do wish you'd provide a BIN of costumes the kids can pick from once they get there, instead of making ME visit Party City for more junk after I've already spent very-many-hundreds of dollars paying for this camp.)

------

That was all I could muster on May 25th; but we also survived the first 4 days of June and got both kiddos dropped off at camp. Hooray, camp!

Let me return to my Feelings from Alex's 8th Grade Graduation. There were a lot of them. On his last day of school, I made sure to have the day off work so I could participate in all the send-off activities, like their "Last Carpool," where the kids decorate the parking lot (read: they TP it gloriously) and parents driving their younger kids to school honnnnnnk their horns and make a giant noise to celebrate -- for a continuous half-hour. Several groups of teachers ride through the carpool line, too, a few times, usually in convertibles, sometimes squirting the lined-up 8th graders with water guns and blaring their radios. It's like the Party version of carpool, for one day. And, oh, it was fun. I was teary-eyed when it started (we had to be there an hour ahead of time), at the sheer celebration of it all. The kids just revel in being the center of attention, and it's such a festive atmosphere, so different from the buttoned-up every day! Afterwards, of course, they have to clean up ALLLL the mess, which they did, quite well, and then they're treated to donuts, they rehearse for Honors Night and Graduation, they have a picnic lunch, and then, the big event: The 8th Grade vs. Teachers Volleyball Game.

I've never known a school to do something like this, but it's huge at our school. They make a big deal leading up to it -- even holding 6 or 8 serious practices for the kids, because the kids MUST WIN. ;) I think the teachers practice, as well. Everyone wears their class shirts (which they decorate or destroy especially for the occasion), there's loud music and an actual game with a ref and coaches and all. Best 2 of 3, and Alex's class won in 2. Alex actually SCORED a point! It was so exciting for our little non-athlete! I didn't cry at this part, too much, until the end if I saw some of the 8th graders crying, which I did. Got a little choked up there.

Finally, on that day, the kids do their Last Walk through the halls, and all the littler kids stand outside their classrooms for high fives. It makes me teary to think about it, but in actual fact it was anti-climactic, I thought.

HOWEVER. Honors Night and Graduation were Extra Climactic. The first kid I saw dressed in a cap and gown nearly knocked me over with emotion, before the graduation Mass started. And it wasn't even my kid! It wasn't even a kid I particularly LIKE! But I've known him since he was 5 years old, and I think that's what undoes me in this whole thing -- it's the fact that these kids have been in my circle and in my heart since most of them were practically babies. We all share them -- we all parent all of them through the 9 years together. So it feels bigger than just one kid leaving the nest -- it's all the ones you've grown to love.

We were super proud of Alex who earned (tied for) the highest GPA in Social Studies, an award for Principal's List all 4 quarters of 8th grade (that's a 93 or above average in every core subject), and the Presidential Academic Award, as well as some other nice honors. And we were so thrilled Mom and Dad could join us. There was lots of talk about high school and where everyone is headed next, there were special songs and slideshows (including baby photos!), the kids had a pool party, Alex and Brandon had a 2-day sleepover while Kate still had to finish her last week (she was not pleased), and gosh, it was all a whirlwind.

I was really glad it finally ended, to be honest -- in the meantime and while all of that was happening, work was also stupid-busy, ugh! But if I think about it, I'm still quite sad that he's finished at St. Joe's. What a wonderful place. I'm glad I still have 4 years with Kate there!

Playlist

"That's My Jam" playlist from WLC Spr18:

-- Peter Warlock: Capriol Suite
-- John Denver: Take Me Home, Country Roads
-- Pharrell Williams: Happy 
-- Justin Timberlake: Can't Stop the Feeling
-- Mumford & Sons: Roll Away Your Stone
-- R.E.M.: Superman
-- Amy Grant: My Jesus, I Love Thee

Good mood music!