I have to report that Kate's behavior has vastly improved, or at least it has the last few days.
We finally, a week ago, had a Family Meeting, where we all discussed and agreed on The Rules.
We posted the rules, in the kitchen and in each kid's bedroom.
We created a system of consequences (the tokens for screen-time thing that we used when AJ was about this same age) and she really seems able to focus on earning tokens, and losing them when she messes up. She especially likes to be ahead of her brother in the number of tokens in her possession.
I can't tell you how nice this three-day weekend was. Even when she's neared the slippery slope, she's managed, with some coaching, to compose herself and accept compromises. I am so, so proud of her, and I keep telling her so, and I am so relieved, for the moment.
*...cautiously tiptoes away...*
Tuesday, January 21
Thursday, January 16
OMG, what have we (I) done?!
So yeah, I met with the real estate agent. She's awesome -- so cool about everything while I figuratively flap my arms about, nervous but trying not to let on. She suggests getting our house on the market by February to "beat the crowds" but wow... February is practically here! And we have a frillion things still left to do, not the least of which is decluttering every inch of our living space. Every! Inch! Books, goodbye! Family photos, pack 'em. Jewelry, find a place to hide it. China cabinet -- too full, thin out the crystal. Kitchen pantry and bedroom closets, straighten them up. Bathroom toiletries, stash 'em in a bin under the sink but for heaven's sake, don't leave them on the countertop. And in fact, buy something nice for the countertop! For EACH countertop. Something Pinterest-worthy. (Something that has its tags on the bottom, so I can take it back and get a refund after it sells the house!! Right?!) Don't forget to light your sugar cookie candle and be feng shui about it, so you invite the buyers in with your amazing flow of chi.
I think the staging part is going to really send me over the edge.
Never mind the bigger projects like all the painting. I mean, Alex's and Kate's walls will clearly need to be stripped of their adhesive decals (Angry Birds and Rapunzel, respectively), but then won't we need to cover up all the other marks and dirt? We've been concentrating on the visibly horrible rooms for paint -- the laundry room (finally finished), the trim in the entry/hallway, and I've gotten an estimate for someone to do both upstairs god-awful bathrooms. But now we're realizing there are little walls (ha, "little" walls) here and there that could stand to just be painted again, as well. BOTHER. I don't have time!
We've tried to prep the kids a bit for the clearing out of their stuff. Kate, having no good toy storage in her room, is likely to be hit the hardest when we take ALL THE TOYS, which just live on the floor in various stacks and semi-neat arrangements. Why is it girls have so many "big" toys that don't fit into a toy box? Dollhouse, stroller, pretend salon chair, baby crib....
Let me tell you, this whole move, if it happens, is going to be a full-time job. I haven't been able to fully concentrate on Work-work all week, that's for sure.
P.S. I am excited about the fun part - the buying - as you can imagine. We have our number in mind, and Emily's sent us some listings already. Eeeeee. That's the good stuff! But still, the scary stuff, too. What if what if what if.
I think the staging part is going to really send me over the edge.
Never mind the bigger projects like all the painting. I mean, Alex's and Kate's walls will clearly need to be stripped of their adhesive decals (Angry Birds and Rapunzel, respectively), but then won't we need to cover up all the other marks and dirt? We've been concentrating on the visibly horrible rooms for paint -- the laundry room (finally finished), the trim in the entry/hallway, and I've gotten an estimate for someone to do both upstairs god-awful bathrooms. But now we're realizing there are little walls (ha, "little" walls) here and there that could stand to just be painted again, as well. BOTHER. I don't have time!
We've tried to prep the kids a bit for the clearing out of their stuff. Kate, having no good toy storage in her room, is likely to be hit the hardest when we take ALL THE TOYS, which just live on the floor in various stacks and semi-neat arrangements. Why is it girls have so many "big" toys that don't fit into a toy box? Dollhouse, stroller, pretend salon chair, baby crib....
Let me tell you, this whole move, if it happens, is going to be a full-time job. I haven't been able to fully concentrate on Work-work all week, that's for sure.
P.S. I am excited about the fun part - the buying - as you can imagine. We have our number in mind, and Emily's sent us some listings already. Eeeeee. That's the good stuff! But still, the scary stuff, too. What if what if what if.
Tuesday, January 14
Dream state
It is weird, what the mind does while we sleep. I know that no one likes dream posts, and I don't have a lot to share about this one, but. That's why this isn't a money-making blog!
I've been Stressed with a capital "S." My job has exploded into a full-time, all-the-time, word factory, and if I'm not creating fluffy words in press releases and various articles about the SAME TOPIC, just a DIFFERENT WAY, then I'm adding lots of products to our website (oh, and copy/pasting the "Spain-Spanish" products into "Mexico-Spanish" just for kicks. In mah spare time). And also responsible for several gazillion other tasks. No, really.
This is all the same story.
Yesterday I was stressy enough to get tearful on a Skype call with my European buddies (awesome). The whole call was a list of things I needed to do, or hadn't done, or hadn't properly captured analytics for -- I really am a good employee, usually -- but all I could think about was my lunch date with my real estate agent. I can say that now because we're kinda official. She's not only my friend! After all this time of me and Shawn thinking about it, she's going to sell our house AND try to find us a better one to buy!
Anyway, I had two big demons competing for space in my tiny brain -- So Much Work and Real Estate Project.
I dreamed about two beasts, fighting. One was a monster of some sort. Brown, furry, bear-like, but bigger. The other was a caribou (supposedly) with 5 long claws, about 2 feet long, where his hooves should have been. In the dream, I was trying to get into my car from the garage of my childhood home, while the two beasts gored each other many times on the front lawn.
Super weird.
I've been Stressed with a capital "S." My job has exploded into a full-time, all-the-time, word factory, and if I'm not creating fluffy words in press releases and various articles about the SAME TOPIC, just a DIFFERENT WAY, then I'm adding lots of products to our website (oh, and copy/pasting the "Spain-Spanish" products into "Mexico-Spanish" just for kicks. In mah spare time). And also responsible for several gazillion other tasks. No, really.
This is all the same story.
Yesterday I was stressy enough to get tearful on a Skype call with my European buddies (awesome). The whole call was a list of things I needed to do, or hadn't done, or hadn't properly captured analytics for -- I really am a good employee, usually -- but all I could think about was my lunch date with my real estate agent. I can say that now because we're kinda official. She's not only my friend! After all this time of me and Shawn thinking about it, she's going to sell our house AND try to find us a better one to buy!
Anyway, I had two big demons competing for space in my tiny brain -- So Much Work and Real Estate Project.
I dreamed about two beasts, fighting. One was a monster of some sort. Brown, furry, bear-like, but bigger. The other was a caribou (supposedly) with 5 long claws, about 2 feet long, where his hooves should have been. In the dream, I was trying to get into my car from the garage of my childhood home, while the two beasts gored each other many times on the front lawn.
Super weird.
Thursday, January 2
The Year-End Meme 2013
It's the first workday of 2014, and thus, the first blog post! Sort-of goes against the prescribed "Eat your frog" philosophy of productivity, but... eh. Do I care? Not really. This morning Shawn said, "We have 2 days to be awesome," and I thought it was so funny. He's trying to have a more positive outlook, this year, he said. A worthy resolution.
I have many more than one, but don't know if it's productive to list everything out. Can't I just try every day to be better? What I eat, how I behave? I think yes. There's no rule that says the stroke of midnight is the time to change. But still, it's fun reading other people's reflections, and I like to have that catalog, too.
I haven't felt like there's been a good time to step away and be quiet/think during the end of December. So it feels "off" to do this now, on the 2nd of January, instead of 3 days ago, but it's the closest thing to quiet time that I am going to find, I think.
1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
I did a few new things this year. One of the nicest was taking those yoga classes. It ended with a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, but I don't think it was the fault of the studio, just the circumstance. I still enjoyed having an instructor, and really pushing myself in the 4 classes I took. We also did family portraits with a photographer-friend -- that was awesome.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I've already talked about this a little, but here's what I wrote last year: "In 2013 I'm hoping to just move more lightly through the days. I want to be better at praying for help with the daily things; help with planning my schedule so that workouts are a part of most days, but not freaking out about it too much. I don't know. Planning my days so that it's possible to enjoy a lunch out with a friend once in a while, and do the errands later. I need spiritual help with these things. I want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, and friend. I don't know what else. I wish more light, a lighter feeling, for 2013.
I don't want to focus on the details all the time. I'd rather see the big things -- love, joy, dedication -- in the forefront, and the rest -- work projects, stress about commitments, etc. -- just background noise."
I think I did a few of those; the "overall" ones. I can still stand to work on some of the specific ones, like making workouts the norm, and having lunch dates with girlfriends. I actually feel like I have a few girlfriends in 2014, which is somewhat new.
As far as this year's resolutions... I want to smile more. I want to make sure each member of my family, including me, gets at least 8 hugs a day. :) I want to live more mindfully, particularly within my relationships (Kate). I want to work with more care, at work. I want to brush twice a day. I want to drink 8 glasses of water a day. I want to put the iPhone down more often than not. I want to continue to appreciate the little things. I want to take a family trip to Seattle. I want to update the kids' rooms.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.
5. What countries did you visit?
I like how Bethany said, "Maybe one day this question will be relevant." I doubt it will ever be very relevant for me. I don't have a lot of desire to see other countries anymore. We took our usual trips to see family, plus a nice day-trip to Chattanooga that I loved -- planning it, sleeping in a random hotel with the excited kids, doing all the touristy things.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Peace of mind about my retirement accounts. This year, maybe because age 40 looms, I started worrying that maybe I'm not saving RIGHT for retirement. I do save -- I have, every paycheck since I started working -- but maybe I need to manually rebalance and plan BETTER? I don't know. I usually do the auto-rebalance plans, you know?
I'd also like to have a new (to us) house. Maybe. If we find the right one in the right price range, and sell ours.
And some snow! We didn't have a single snow [day] in 2013! Fingers crossed. :)
7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched on your memory, and why?
I don't have any specific dates, I don't think. Our day-trip in April was fun.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
In the spring, I had a very big (to me) choir solo "performance." (It was during a Mass, so not supposed to call it a "performance" but it was.) I've always wanted to be asked to do something like that, and I am proud of how it sounded. It was Mozart's Laudate Dominum.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Continual difficulty keeping my cool in pressure situations -- specifically, when Kate's behavior was bad. I forgot, several times, that she is only little, and that I need to teach her, not blame her. And that my time constraints and high standards may not be realistic. I didn't handle my anger very well in many of those instances. (But I'm working on it, and on being forgiving.)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my annual @$!*8# Christmas cold. I had to miss Midnight Mass, after working hard all season in choir rehearsals and really wanting to sing several of the anthems. Rrrrrr.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Maybe the ice cream maker. And I didn't buy it, but Shawn bought us FitBit Flexes. Two awesome things.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My parents', always traveling to be with us and understanding when we can't come to their house all the time. My MIL's, dealing with FIL's reduced physical and mental abilities (stroke). Alex's -- always having to put up with Kate's tantrums and my subsequent focus on her. Shawn's -- helping me survive parenting a daughter.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Children who have access to guns and their parents. Politicians. Miley Cyrus.
14. Where did most of your money go?
For the first time, NOT daycare! We had to give a lot of extra to the IRS last January, because of converting a traditional IRA over to a Roth (ugh). Most of it went to bills and the mortgage, though.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Happier app is one thing. I am so grateful to have found an easy, fun way to count blessings every day. I think it has really helped me to feel happier.
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
We spent a lot of time listening to Imagine Dragons' Radioactive, so that would be one...The Joy Formidable's This Ladder Is Ours was on repeat too, when it first came out... and Bridgit Mendler's Hurricane was in my head quite a bit. Also, Kate's dance recital piece was Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA so we heard that one a lot. Almost none of these songs were by my choice, but they're good and so I'm okay with that. I'll rely on my kids and husband to provide the tunes, no problem. :)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? Happier, definitely. More mindful.
b. thinner or fatter? Not thinner -- about the same, probably.
c. richer or poorer? Richer I think - we both finally had raises during 2013 after several years without them.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Running. Walking. Hiking. Inviting friends to lunch. Reading. "Date nights" and individual time with the kids, particularly Alex.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Yelling. Taking it personally.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home, recovering from a cold, not doing much of anything that would stress me out. Mom and Dad came on Christmas Day and they're still here, and I love that.
21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Yes, with the same people I've loved since I met them: Shawn, Alex and Kate.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Downton Abbey. I binge-watched seasons 1 and 2 early last year, loved season 3, and can't wait for season 4 to start. On the other end of the spectrum, the Walking Dead became a favorite this year, and Modern Family, Parks & Rec, Cougartown, Duck Dynasty, Alaska: The Last Frontier and Property Brothers. (I watch a lot of TV.)
23. What was the best book you read?
I reread A Wrinkle in Time and it was by far the best. I also liked Tracy Chevalier's The Lady and the Unicorn, and Life of Pi.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't think I discovered anything. As I said, my husband and my 9yo (now) are my music source. (Yay!)
25. What did you want and get?
New lighting in my kitchen! A pretty new mug that is red, and has my initial "L" on it. (Seems so small, and it is, but I've wanted that very thing for so long!) An ice-cream maker! To host a small party at Christmastime! A happy, healthy family.
26. What did you want and not get?
To get a little more house-sale-prep done before the end of the year (oh well). Decor inspiration. A lot of crap moved out of the house and to the Goodwill.
27. What was your favorite film of this year?
We saw "Silver Linings Playbook" on Netflix and I liked that. Don't know if it was my "favorite" or if it even came out this year. Quick Google of "2013 movies" reminds me of "This is the End," which was hilarious. Oh, and "Oz the Great and Powerful." THAT was my favorite, now I remember. A lot of James Franco, I see now.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 39 in June! We went to dinner, I'm sure, but I don't recall any particular thing.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having the right clothes and shoes. I need to do some serious shopping in 2014.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Ha. See above. I didn't even see this question when I answered that one.
31. What kept you sane?
The routine. I think having both kids at the same school since August has been a very positive, sane-making change.
32. What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Apparently James Franco. Not really, though. Tina Fey/Amy Poehler. M. Lindsay Bierman (editor of Southern Living magazine). Pope Francis.
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Guns. I know my dad disagrees with me but I don't think anyone should have guns. That's an exaggeration. I just wish we could figure out who can be responsible with guns, and let them have them, but not let anyone else, particularly idiots and idiot parents.
34. Who did you miss?
My sister. We're both busy but we just don't seem to talk as much anymore (and our workday IM chats have gone by the wayside, and I really miss those.)
35. Who was the best new person you met?
I made a new friend at work. I really enjoyed her; she was the first cube neighbor in that spot that I actually liked. And then she was let go. :( I think we'll stay friends but of course, it's awkward.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
You just do the best you can, and you get another chance every single morning.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
This might be pretty cliche, but it's from "Life is Good" by Kenny Chesney (Googled "life is good" to find it):
Life is good, the grass is green
The good Lord smilin' on you and me
Gonna knock on wood
Sweet sunshine everywhere I look
You love me like no one could
Life is good
I'm a very lucky girl.
I have many more than one, but don't know if it's productive to list everything out. Can't I just try every day to be better? What I eat, how I behave? I think yes. There's no rule that says the stroke of midnight is the time to change. But still, it's fun reading other people's reflections, and I like to have that catalog, too.
I haven't felt like there's been a good time to step away and be quiet/think during the end of December. So it feels "off" to do this now, on the 2nd of January, instead of 3 days ago, but it's the closest thing to quiet time that I am going to find, I think.
1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
I did a few new things this year. One of the nicest was taking those yoga classes. It ended with a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth, but I don't think it was the fault of the studio, just the circumstance. I still enjoyed having an instructor, and really pushing myself in the 4 classes I took. We also did family portraits with a photographer-friend -- that was awesome.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I've already talked about this a little, but here's what I wrote last year: "In 2013 I'm hoping to just move more lightly through the days. I want to be better at praying for help with the daily things; help with planning my schedule so that workouts are a part of most days, but not freaking out about it too much. I don't know. Planning my days so that it's possible to enjoy a lunch out with a friend once in a while, and do the errands later. I need spiritual help with these things. I want to be a better wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, and friend. I don't know what else. I wish more light, a lighter feeling, for 2013.
I don't want to focus on the details all the time. I'd rather see the big things -- love, joy, dedication -- in the forefront, and the rest -- work projects, stress about commitments, etc. -- just background noise."
I think I did a few of those; the "overall" ones. I can still stand to work on some of the specific ones, like making workouts the norm, and having lunch dates with girlfriends. I actually feel like I have a few girlfriends in 2014, which is somewhat new.
As far as this year's resolutions... I want to smile more. I want to make sure each member of my family, including me, gets at least 8 hugs a day. :) I want to live more mindfully, particularly within my relationships (Kate). I want to work with more care, at work. I want to brush twice a day. I want to drink 8 glasses of water a day. I want to put the iPhone down more often than not. I want to continue to appreciate the little things. I want to take a family trip to Seattle. I want to update the kids' rooms.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.
5. What countries did you visit?
I like how Bethany said, "Maybe one day this question will be relevant." I doubt it will ever be very relevant for me. I don't have a lot of desire to see other countries anymore. We took our usual trips to see family, plus a nice day-trip to Chattanooga that I loved -- planning it, sleeping in a random hotel with the excited kids, doing all the touristy things.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Peace of mind about my retirement accounts. This year, maybe because age 40 looms, I started worrying that maybe I'm not saving RIGHT for retirement. I do save -- I have, every paycheck since I started working -- but maybe I need to manually rebalance and plan BETTER? I don't know. I usually do the auto-rebalance plans, you know?
I'd also like to have a new (to us) house. Maybe. If we find the right one in the right price range, and sell ours.
And some snow! We didn't have a single snow [day] in 2013! Fingers crossed. :)
7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched on your memory, and why?
I don't have any specific dates, I don't think. Our day-trip in April was fun.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
In the spring, I had a very big (to me) choir solo "performance." (It was during a Mass, so not supposed to call it a "performance" but it was.) I've always wanted to be asked to do something like that, and I am proud of how it sounded. It was Mozart's Laudate Dominum.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Continual difficulty keeping my cool in pressure situations -- specifically, when Kate's behavior was bad. I forgot, several times, that she is only little, and that I need to teach her, not blame her. And that my time constraints and high standards may not be realistic. I didn't handle my anger very well in many of those instances. (But I'm working on it, and on being forgiving.)
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my annual @$!*8# Christmas cold. I had to miss Midnight Mass, after working hard all season in choir rehearsals and really wanting to sing several of the anthems. Rrrrrr.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Maybe the ice cream maker. And I didn't buy it, but Shawn bought us FitBit Flexes. Two awesome things.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My parents', always traveling to be with us and understanding when we can't come to their house all the time. My MIL's, dealing with FIL's reduced physical and mental abilities (stroke). Alex's -- always having to put up with Kate's tantrums and my subsequent focus on her. Shawn's -- helping me survive parenting a daughter.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Children who have access to guns and their parents. Politicians. Miley Cyrus.
14. Where did most of your money go?
For the first time, NOT daycare! We had to give a lot of extra to the IRS last January, because of converting a traditional IRA over to a Roth (ugh). Most of it went to bills and the mortgage, though.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Happier app is one thing. I am so grateful to have found an easy, fun way to count blessings every day. I think it has really helped me to feel happier.
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
We spent a lot of time listening to Imagine Dragons' Radioactive, so that would be one...The Joy Formidable's This Ladder Is Ours was on repeat too, when it first came out... and Bridgit Mendler's Hurricane was in my head quite a bit. Also, Kate's dance recital piece was Miley Cyrus' Party in the USA so we heard that one a lot. Almost none of these songs were by my choice, but they're good and so I'm okay with that. I'll rely on my kids and husband to provide the tunes, no problem. :)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? Happier, definitely. More mindful.
b. thinner or fatter? Not thinner -- about the same, probably.
c. richer or poorer? Richer I think - we both finally had raises during 2013 after several years without them.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Running. Walking. Hiking. Inviting friends to lunch. Reading. "Date nights" and individual time with the kids, particularly Alex.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Yelling. Taking it personally.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home, recovering from a cold, not doing much of anything that would stress me out. Mom and Dad came on Christmas Day and they're still here, and I love that.
21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Yes, with the same people I've loved since I met them: Shawn, Alex and Kate.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Downton Abbey. I binge-watched seasons 1 and 2 early last year, loved season 3, and can't wait for season 4 to start. On the other end of the spectrum, the Walking Dead became a favorite this year, and Modern Family, Parks & Rec, Cougartown, Duck Dynasty, Alaska: The Last Frontier and Property Brothers. (I watch a lot of TV.)
23. What was the best book you read?
I reread A Wrinkle in Time and it was by far the best. I also liked Tracy Chevalier's The Lady and the Unicorn, and Life of Pi.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't think I discovered anything. As I said, my husband and my 9yo (now) are my music source. (Yay!)
25. What did you want and get?
New lighting in my kitchen! A pretty new mug that is red, and has my initial "L" on it. (Seems so small, and it is, but I've wanted that very thing for so long!) An ice-cream maker! To host a small party at Christmastime! A happy, healthy family.
26. What did you want and not get?
To get a little more house-sale-prep done before the end of the year (oh well). Decor inspiration. A lot of crap moved out of the house and to the Goodwill.
27. What was your favorite film of this year?
We saw "Silver Linings Playbook" on Netflix and I liked that. Don't know if it was my "favorite" or if it even came out this year. Quick Google of "2013 movies" reminds me of "This is the End," which was hilarious. Oh, and "Oz the Great and Powerful." THAT was my favorite, now I remember. A lot of James Franco, I see now.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Turned 39 in June! We went to dinner, I'm sure, but I don't recall any particular thing.
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having the right clothes and shoes. I need to do some serious shopping in 2014.
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
Ha. See above. I didn't even see this question when I answered that one.
31. What kept you sane?
The routine. I think having both kids at the same school since August has been a very positive, sane-making change.
32. What celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Apparently James Franco. Not really, though. Tina Fey/Amy Poehler. M. Lindsay Bierman (editor of Southern Living magazine). Pope Francis.
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
Guns. I know my dad disagrees with me but I don't think anyone should have guns. That's an exaggeration. I just wish we could figure out who can be responsible with guns, and let them have them, but not let anyone else, particularly idiots and idiot parents.
34. Who did you miss?
My sister. We're both busy but we just don't seem to talk as much anymore (and our workday IM chats have gone by the wayside, and I really miss those.)
35. Who was the best new person you met?
I made a new friend at work. I really enjoyed her; she was the first cube neighbor in that spot that I actually liked. And then she was let go. :( I think we'll stay friends but of course, it's awkward.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
You just do the best you can, and you get another chance every single morning.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
This might be pretty cliche, but it's from "Life is Good" by Kenny Chesney (Googled "life is good" to find it):
Life is good, the grass is green
The good Lord smilin' on you and me
Gonna knock on wood
Sweet sunshine everywhere I look
You love me like no one could
Life is good
I'm a very lucky girl.
Monday, December 30
Post-Christmas 2013
I did find my Christmas spirit. :) I stayed sick through the day after Christmas, at 3:00. It was that precise, the moment I felt better. Until then I just felt like I was in a fog. The doctor had just said, "Viral," and kicked me out of her office with no prescription. Thanks a lot, doc. I did get to skip the Midnight Mass choral extravaganza, which was sort-of a bummer, but on the other hand not, because who wants to get out at 10:00 on Christmas Eve, anyway?!
But our quiet, just the four of us Christmas morning was really lovely. The kids were appropriately excited both the night before and upon waking up and seeing that Santa "really did" come! We worried that there wouldn't be enough of the big-ticket gifts, but we needn't have. We're lucky to have pretty easy-to-please kids, as far as gifts go. :) So, no iPads or tablets this year, and everyone is just fine with that. Let's see, for posterity -- Alex got the Skylanders Swap game, some Naruto cards, a Naruto book, a Professor Layton DS game, the movie "Epic," a Minecraft t-shirt, an origami set, two Lego Chima sets (600 pieces!), an iTunes gift card (from us, not Santa) and an alarm clock. Kate got the light-up dry erase board, the two main character barbie-like dolls from Frozen, several books (Rainbow Fairies, The Secret Garden and Anne of Green Gables - simplified, illustrated editions), a small Nerf Rebelle dart-shooter, Hello Kitty pajamas, a DS Game called "Doodlejump," the Katy Perry movie on DVD, the same alarm clock as Alex, a voice-activated diary (from us) and 2 outfits for her Build-A-Bear.
Mom and Dad arrived late Christmas Day, and we had appetizers (spinach dip, bacon-wrapped pineapple) and then an easy dinner of honey-baked ham, dressing, mashed potatoes & corn, and a green salad. We used the Lenox Holiday china. I think after dinner, I went to the couch and might not have gotten back up. I know I napped at least once the next day... maybe twice.
Alex has already put together his two new Lego sets, and Kate has played with her light-up dry erase board, and actually they've both been playing pretend quite well over the last 4 days -- finding ways to keep occupied, mostly without fighting. Today's the first day Mom and Dad are keeping them while Shawn and I are at work and I hope the "without fighting" part continues! I'm worried that they're going to get cabin fever (the kids), even though we've taken them out -- to a lights display in downtown Atlanta on Friday night, and to my cousin's house last night. But maybe they can run around outside for a while and not notice. They still have several new movies they can watch today.
We're going to have potato soup for dinner tonight, and I have plenty of work here to make the day go by. I'm thinking about the end of 2013 -- happy it was a nice year, wanting to end it on a good, productive, feel-good note. :) Perhaps more to come on that topic.
But our quiet, just the four of us Christmas morning was really lovely. The kids were appropriately excited both the night before and upon waking up and seeing that Santa "really did" come! We worried that there wouldn't be enough of the big-ticket gifts, but we needn't have. We're lucky to have pretty easy-to-please kids, as far as gifts go. :) So, no iPads or tablets this year, and everyone is just fine with that. Let's see, for posterity -- Alex got the Skylanders Swap game, some Naruto cards, a Naruto book, a Professor Layton DS game, the movie "Epic," a Minecraft t-shirt, an origami set, two Lego Chima sets (600 pieces!), an iTunes gift card (from us, not Santa) and an alarm clock. Kate got the light-up dry erase board, the two main character barbie-like dolls from Frozen, several books (Rainbow Fairies, The Secret Garden and Anne of Green Gables - simplified, illustrated editions), a small Nerf Rebelle dart-shooter, Hello Kitty pajamas, a DS Game called "Doodlejump," the Katy Perry movie on DVD, the same alarm clock as Alex, a voice-activated diary (from us) and 2 outfits for her Build-A-Bear.
Mom and Dad arrived late Christmas Day, and we had appetizers (spinach dip, bacon-wrapped pineapple) and then an easy dinner of honey-baked ham, dressing, mashed potatoes & corn, and a green salad. We used the Lenox Holiday china. I think after dinner, I went to the couch and might not have gotten back up. I know I napped at least once the next day... maybe twice.
Alex has already put together his two new Lego sets, and Kate has played with her light-up dry erase board, and actually they've both been playing pretend quite well over the last 4 days -- finding ways to keep occupied, mostly without fighting. Today's the first day Mom and Dad are keeping them while Shawn and I are at work and I hope the "without fighting" part continues! I'm worried that they're going to get cabin fever (the kids), even though we've taken them out -- to a lights display in downtown Atlanta on Friday night, and to my cousin's house last night. But maybe they can run around outside for a while and not notice. They still have several new movies they can watch today.
We're going to have potato soup for dinner tonight, and I have plenty of work here to make the day go by. I'm thinking about the end of 2013 -- happy it was a nice year, wanting to end it on a good, productive, feel-good note. :) Perhaps more to come on that topic.
Monday, December 23
Two days before Christmas...
Well, it definitely does stink to be at the office today, the official first day of the schools' Christmas vacation, but on the other hand, it's predictably quiet; I've had my one necessary phone call of the day (a Skype call, actually, with a delightful British guy who's doing some work for us); I have set tasks that aren't very difficult but will keep me busy; and I'm even feeling good about having to be here next week, the 30th and 31st, for the same reasons.
Unfortunately, all that is being threatened every hour or so because I'm feeling ill. It started last Tuesday night with a sore throat, then got better, then came back, then yesterday after what I thought was my last Christmas shopping trip, in the pouring rain, I came home exhausted. It was a short outing -- didn't merit that kind of tiredness. And then I slept VERY fitfully during the night, and I knew I was feverish because I kept having the same thoughts/dreams over and over, even though I didn't want them, and a single song was constantly in my head. That always happens to me when I'm feverish at night. Ugh. It was awful.
The doctor can't see me until tomorrow. I know I need to go because Shawn had walking pneumonia last week. (Oh, hi, Mom and Dad! Can't wait to see you!! I promise to Lysol everything.)
I just came back from Target, where I got a few things that still needed getting, and I feel good about that. The lines weren't too long although there were a lot of people in the store.
I haven't eaten anything but chocolate today. Perhaps I should.
Not feeling overly Christmas-y at this moment in time, but I hope that after 5:00 pm, I will.
Unfortunately, all that is being threatened every hour or so because I'm feeling ill. It started last Tuesday night with a sore throat, then got better, then came back, then yesterday after what I thought was my last Christmas shopping trip, in the pouring rain, I came home exhausted. It was a short outing -- didn't merit that kind of tiredness. And then I slept VERY fitfully during the night, and I knew I was feverish because I kept having the same thoughts/dreams over and over, even though I didn't want them, and a single song was constantly in my head. That always happens to me when I'm feverish at night. Ugh. It was awful.
The doctor can't see me until tomorrow. I know I need to go because Shawn had walking pneumonia last week. (Oh, hi, Mom and Dad! Can't wait to see you!! I promise to Lysol everything.)
I just came back from Target, where I got a few things that still needed getting, and I feel good about that. The lines weren't too long although there were a lot of people in the store.
I haven't eaten anything but chocolate today. Perhaps I should.
Not feeling overly Christmas-y at this moment in time, but I hope that after 5:00 pm, I will.
Thursday, December 19
Present
Sometimes I know I'm not present with the kids. There are too many dishes in the sink, needing to be washed; there's dinner that I haven't even started putting together; there's Christmas decorating (at least there was 2 weeks ago) that will take a full Saturday to really do "right." So the kids need to find their own entertainment, which they typically do in front of a flat-screen. (Well, also in the hallway, throwing a ball. I don't have time to argue about ball in the house -- at least they're being "active!" And not bugging me!) I'm okay with not always being present, and they NEED me to let them just go, spin around and find their own ways in the world, but I want to do more, be there enough.
In the past 24 hours I did at least three things more "presently," and I want to pat myself on the back for them. (Also, I just read one of those insipid HuffPo articles titled "motherhood is ____" -- they're all named the same -- and I'd rather have read/written my own version I guess.)
1. I did not "scratch on my phone," as my dad endearingly says, at all from 4:00 pm until 10:00 pm. My eyes were available for whatever they wanted to show me, my fingers for whatever they needed me to do.
2. At bedtime, I finally got to spend a few minutes with Alex. After getting Kate down, which is always a feat worth a pat on the back (but not dramatic last night, thank the Good Lord), I went into Alex's room. He was re-reading one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. I flopped down on my stomach next to him, and we flipped through the pages together. We laughed and laughed at the part where they're trying to name their dog. Roderick, the older brother, suggests they call the dog Turtle. "Turd for short," he says, hilariously. We laughed out loud for at least 4 minutes together, repeating the phrase to each other and collapsing in giggles every time. Man, I needed to connect with that kid, in that exact way.
3. This morning at 5:00 (don't worry, that's my normal Thursday wake-up time), I was making a quick breakfast dish for my office Christmas brunch. Kate must have heard me and wandered downstairs. When she saw her new "doodles" coloring book on the counter, she asked if she could color in it, and if I would, too. And I did. We used markers and sat together in the dark of the kitchen, and just colored. There was very little chatter -- I mean, there was a little, she's a 5-y-o girl -- and it was just perfect.
In the past 24 hours I did at least three things more "presently," and I want to pat myself on the back for them. (Also, I just read one of those insipid HuffPo articles titled "motherhood is ____" -- they're all named the same -- and I'd rather have read/written my own version I guess.)
1. I did not "scratch on my phone," as my dad endearingly says, at all from 4:00 pm until 10:00 pm. My eyes were available for whatever they wanted to show me, my fingers for whatever they needed me to do.
2. At bedtime, I finally got to spend a few minutes with Alex. After getting Kate down, which is always a feat worth a pat on the back (but not dramatic last night, thank the Good Lord), I went into Alex's room. He was re-reading one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. I flopped down on my stomach next to him, and we flipped through the pages together. We laughed and laughed at the part where they're trying to name their dog. Roderick, the older brother, suggests they call the dog Turtle. "Turd for short," he says, hilariously. We laughed out loud for at least 4 minutes together, repeating the phrase to each other and collapsing in giggles every time. Man, I needed to connect with that kid, in that exact way.
3. This morning at 5:00 (don't worry, that's my normal Thursday wake-up time), I was making a quick breakfast dish for my office Christmas brunch. Kate must have heard me and wandered downstairs. When she saw her new "doodles" coloring book on the counter, she asked if she could color in it, and if I would, too. And I did. We used markers and sat together in the dark of the kitchen, and just colored. There was very little chatter -- I mean, there was a little, she's a 5-y-o girl -- and it was just perfect.
Monday, December 16
We had a better weekend
Thank you for your prayers. We had a nice weekend. Kate was SO much better. I'm not saying we're all cured, but. It was better. As, of course, these things tend to go. She and Alex invented a new game of pretend that satisfies them both, so all was right with the world, I suppose. :)
It's crunch-time for Christmas, isn't it?! I have a lot of tasks left but am trying not to look at the big picture, just one day at a time. I went grocery shopping yesterday and didn't even think about what I'm making for Christmas dinner, or what I might need. I have one more weekend before the big day, you see. I have time. (Why does it always feel like there's less time than there really IS?)
I wish I weren't working, that's for sure. We have a website launch this week so there's a lot of proofreading and testing; we're trying to prep for January, and my European colleagues take a full 2 weeks off, so that means doing half of January's work now; and I could just get a lot of shit done if I could be at home - laundry, cookies, vacuuming, changing sheets! This is my forever complaint, I suppose.
I made peanut clusters this weekend. Now it feels like the holidays. :) Maybe we'll have time to make some sugar cookies, too. I went ahead and took the working mom easy route for one of the kids' classroom parties -- ordered sugar cookies from a bakery! I mean, how easy are sugar cookies?! But not easy enough. Worth my $50 if I don't have to think about it! Remind me NOT to volunteer for the Valentine's Day parties -- I have done my duty.
Kate's holiday ballet recital is tomorrow night. Her last for a while, I guess, because she says she doesn't want to continue. They tried to ask me if I thought she'd prefer a hip-hop class. I think she would, and she asked, "What's hip-hop?" I said, "It's sassy dancing." Even with that description, she said, "Nah." ;) I'm relieved. Off to the next adventure. Soccer? Piano? We don't know yet. Maybe nothing.
Signing off to procrastinate and figure out which errands I want to run today at lunch!
It's crunch-time for Christmas, isn't it?! I have a lot of tasks left but am trying not to look at the big picture, just one day at a time. I went grocery shopping yesterday and didn't even think about what I'm making for Christmas dinner, or what I might need. I have one more weekend before the big day, you see. I have time. (Why does it always feel like there's less time than there really IS?)
I wish I weren't working, that's for sure. We have a website launch this week so there's a lot of proofreading and testing; we're trying to prep for January, and my European colleagues take a full 2 weeks off, so that means doing half of January's work now; and I could just get a lot of shit done if I could be at home - laundry, cookies, vacuuming, changing sheets! This is my forever complaint, I suppose.
I made peanut clusters this weekend. Now it feels like the holidays. :) Maybe we'll have time to make some sugar cookies, too. I went ahead and took the working mom easy route for one of the kids' classroom parties -- ordered sugar cookies from a bakery! I mean, how easy are sugar cookies?! But not easy enough. Worth my $50 if I don't have to think about it! Remind me NOT to volunteer for the Valentine's Day parties -- I have done my duty.
Kate's holiday ballet recital is tomorrow night. Her last for a while, I guess, because she says she doesn't want to continue. They tried to ask me if I thought she'd prefer a hip-hop class. I think she would, and she asked, "What's hip-hop?" I said, "It's sassy dancing." Even with that description, she said, "Nah." ;) I'm relieved. Off to the next adventure. Soccer? Piano? We don't know yet. Maybe nothing.
Signing off to procrastinate and figure out which errands I want to run today at lunch!
Friday, December 13
Hosting, and other notes
I think I'm going to get to host something Christmas-y this year. Well, besides Christmas dinner and the Christmas/New Year's Holidays -- we're already hosting those. :) I am so happy. I think it's the perfect plan: Grandmommy and Papa Joe arriving on Christmas Day. It's actually our first Christmas (Santa) morning in our own home, with no guests. That, in itself, is exciting and a small blessing, I think. Having guests is lovely, too, but I'm happy about it just being us. And then later in the day, we'll have our favorite guests-who-aren't-guests, but who are family, to join us for a real Christmas Dinner, and the rest of the fun stuff about the holidays: sitting around, watching movies, enjoying time off, playing with new things, reading new books, napping, chatting, drinking yummy beverages and eating cookies. ;)
But BESIDES that hosting, I think I'm going to get to host my little group of mom buddies, next Friday night. Another woman had volunteered, but one of our group is allergic to cats (so am I), and she asked if we could not go to that friend's home. (No offense.) So I volunteered. It's an easy potluck and BYOB, so as long as I can keep the place relatively straightened up, and it's already pretty straight because of Christmas decorating, I'm good to go. I love this group of girls, and like Swistle said, I definitely feel like it solidifies my place among them to host something. I've been wanting to -- I don't know why I don't ever send that email to INSTIGATE a get-together. Maybe after this I'll feel like I can.
I would love to do a "whole families" party, too, and not just the moms -- but I just don't think our house is big enough for that. Not in the winter, when the back deck is unavailable. This is yet another reason I'd like to try to find a new home. I really like having parties, and being stifled by the lack of space is hard.
------
The "other notes" are harder. We're still having a hard time with Kate. That's all I want to say. I wish I could make it funny, like all the bloggers do. I wish I could laugh and say, "She's like a tiny drunk, one minute saying one thing (GET ME A SNACK!), and then next minute, the exact opposite (NO! DON'T TOUCH MY SNACK BOWL!"), and expecting me to believe both hahaha, isn't it hysterical, how illogical they are!" But it has become less funny. I'm seriously considering the question, "Where would I even buy a lump of coal?" (...was that funny?)
Bless her. I pray for her so much. I pray for me. She gets her flaring temper from both her father and, I've learned, from me. I pray for Alex, who loses out. I pray for Shawn who has to deal with her irrational emotions, and then feel bad for mine. I have extremely HIGH expectations of my kids because that's the standard I was raised by, and I met it. I WAS A PERFECT CHILD. ;) (Really, I was.) I wouldn't have DREAMED of telling my mother she was stupid or bad or any of the things Kate says to me on a daily basis. But I need to let GO of those expectations. Every single one.
And yet, she's still so sweet when she decides to be. Today there was a glimmer of hope when she apologized to me for "being bad," with no prompting (that I know of). That's a tiny speck of hope. (and also breaks my heart)
I've said too much. Just... Mom, say a prayer for us. Say a prayer that this will be the worst of it and the teenage years will be a breeze. PLEASE, say that prayer. Because, Jesus.
But BESIDES that hosting, I think I'm going to get to host my little group of mom buddies, next Friday night. Another woman had volunteered, but one of our group is allergic to cats (so am I), and she asked if we could not go to that friend's home. (No offense.) So I volunteered. It's an easy potluck and BYOB, so as long as I can keep the place relatively straightened up, and it's already pretty straight because of Christmas decorating, I'm good to go. I love this group of girls, and like Swistle said, I definitely feel like it solidifies my place among them to host something. I've been wanting to -- I don't know why I don't ever send that email to INSTIGATE a get-together. Maybe after this I'll feel like I can.
I would love to do a "whole families" party, too, and not just the moms -- but I just don't think our house is big enough for that. Not in the winter, when the back deck is unavailable. This is yet another reason I'd like to try to find a new home. I really like having parties, and being stifled by the lack of space is hard.
------
The "other notes" are harder. We're still having a hard time with Kate. That's all I want to say. I wish I could make it funny, like all the bloggers do. I wish I could laugh and say, "She's like a tiny drunk, one minute saying one thing (GET ME A SNACK!), and then next minute, the exact opposite (NO! DON'T TOUCH MY SNACK BOWL!"), and expecting me to believe both hahaha, isn't it hysterical, how illogical they are!" But it has become less funny. I'm seriously considering the question, "Where would I even buy a lump of coal?" (...was that funny?)
Bless her. I pray for her so much. I pray for me. She gets her flaring temper from both her father and, I've learned, from me. I pray for Alex, who loses out. I pray for Shawn who has to deal with her irrational emotions, and then feel bad for mine. I have extremely HIGH expectations of my kids because that's the standard I was raised by, and I met it. I WAS A PERFECT CHILD. ;) (Really, I was.) I wouldn't have DREAMED of telling my mother she was stupid or bad or any of the things Kate says to me on a daily basis. But I need to let GO of those expectations. Every single one.
And yet, she's still so sweet when she decides to be. Today there was a glimmer of hope when she apologized to me for "being bad," with no prompting (that I know of). That's a tiny speck of hope. (and also breaks my heart)
I've said too much. Just... Mom, say a prayer for us. Say a prayer that this will be the worst of it and the teenage years will be a breeze. PLEASE, say that prayer. Because, Jesus.
Thursday, December 5
Bored out
I'm so bored with the Internet. There's nothing new. Is there? You tell me, I would say if this were still a public blog. Where are the hilarious new bloggers that I must be reading? The fun new sites I have to try?
I suppose I could DO MY WORK, but that's just too sad. No, I'm kidding -- in fact, I have a ton of work that needs doing, and none of it is terrible or awful. But I do like a good click-fest between projects, and Facebook, Twitter, my feed reader and my email just aren't doing it for me anymore. I do Instagram and Happier on my phone; they're good for a minute or two. Pinterest.... meh. I'm bored with it. The same people post the same recipes over and over, and I got to where I couldn't look at the decor or home-improvement stuff any longer because it made me feel bad about myself. There, I said it.
I used to also spend a lot of clicky time on Sparkpeople, but again, it got to be less motivational and more depressing. Maybe I'll pop over there later and see if I can kick my butt into gear. I have been using the Fitbit again, and meeting my 5,000 steps goal - woo! - after Swistle's inspirational post about it. Maybe after a few more successful days I will officially increase the goal to 6,000. And then further still, after that.
I still want to DO yoga, but I think I'm finished with the studio I have been attending. I've just never felt overly welcomed there. I think it's because I only do the one class, at random times, and am not a "regular." And that old dude, man, with the judgy eyes. I'm done with him. I might have spent some money for which I didn't get a class (I think I have 2 or 3 left on my "punchcard") but as our old friend Tess would say, it's a sunk cost. It's spent, whether or not I get anything from it. And it wasn't much. Some of the classes only cost $6 -- for an hour and 15 minute class! Bargain.
I don't know if I'll find another studio or not. Yoga is actually meant as singular meditation, after all. I like learning new poses and experiencing the kindness of yoga teachers, but... eh. I did just start receiving Yoga Journal. It's all organic and new-age and makes me feel like a bit of a faker. ;)
Today I'm bored with our weather, too! It has been gray and rainy for 4 days straight! Normally I like the moody feel of those kinds of days, and I will say it feels awfully wintery (except that the temps today will be in the high 60s), but I'm ready for some variety. It can get cold, but we need the sun once in a while.
Perhaps this last paragraph helps explain my general mood! Ha.
I suppose I could DO MY WORK, but that's just too sad. No, I'm kidding -- in fact, I have a ton of work that needs doing, and none of it is terrible or awful. But I do like a good click-fest between projects, and Facebook, Twitter, my feed reader and my email just aren't doing it for me anymore. I do Instagram and Happier on my phone; they're good for a minute or two. Pinterest.... meh. I'm bored with it. The same people post the same recipes over and over, and I got to where I couldn't look at the decor or home-improvement stuff any longer because it made me feel bad about myself. There, I said it.
I used to also spend a lot of clicky time on Sparkpeople, but again, it got to be less motivational and more depressing. Maybe I'll pop over there later and see if I can kick my butt into gear. I have been using the Fitbit again, and meeting my 5,000 steps goal - woo! - after Swistle's inspirational post about it. Maybe after a few more successful days I will officially increase the goal to 6,000. And then further still, after that.
I still want to DO yoga, but I think I'm finished with the studio I have been attending. I've just never felt overly welcomed there. I think it's because I only do the one class, at random times, and am not a "regular." And that old dude, man, with the judgy eyes. I'm done with him. I might have spent some money for which I didn't get a class (I think I have 2 or 3 left on my "punchcard") but as our old friend Tess would say, it's a sunk cost. It's spent, whether or not I get anything from it. And it wasn't much. Some of the classes only cost $6 -- for an hour and 15 minute class! Bargain.
I don't know if I'll find another studio or not. Yoga is actually meant as singular meditation, after all. I like learning new poses and experiencing the kindness of yoga teachers, but... eh. I did just start receiving Yoga Journal. It's all organic and new-age and makes me feel like a bit of a faker. ;)
Today I'm bored with our weather, too! It has been gray and rainy for 4 days straight! Normally I like the moody feel of those kinds of days, and I will say it feels awfully wintery (except that the temps today will be in the high 60s), but I'm ready for some variety. It can get cold, but we need the sun once in a while.
Perhaps this last paragraph helps explain my general mood! Ha.
Tuesday, November 26
More thankful
I went back just now, through the archives of my own blog, and found my Jan 1, 2013 post. Here's what it says:
So there's sleep.
Plus, I've been capturing little moments in the Happier app since February. It's a wonderful way to count blessings, and counting blessings -- even just the smallest things like "wearing a scarf I like" -- changes you. It does. You notice those things more. In the app, you even want to take little pictures of them. (Kate always scoffs at my photo library: "WHY do you have a picture of your Starbucks cup, MOM? That's so weird." Haha! She's only five.) So that feels like some of the "light" I was wishing for, back in January.
And I've definitely been asking for spiritual help lately, with Kate's little tantrums and attitude testing me. I pray over her every chance I get, and over her brother. "Please help her be kind. Please be with her, in her heart." "Please give him patience. Let him know he's loved and cherished." But also for me, "Help me know what to do." That one a lot. One of our parish deacons (the one I like best, and found out recently he's a Franciscan, so no wonder) gave a homily this past Sunday, and said we all need at least "one humiliation each day," because it keeps us going to God. It's a pretty smart theory, and I've certainly been getting mine.
Anyway, I've been dying to write something about the Thanksgiving holiday, but haven't at all been motivated, until I saw the January post. I think I've accomplished some of those things, and I'm glad. Here's hoping I can continue to be even more thankful all this holiday weekend, and through stressful December.
In 2013 I'm hoping to just move more lightly through the days.... I don't want to focus on the details all the time. I'd rather see the big things -- love, joy, dedication -- in the forefront, and the rest -- work projects, stress about commitments, etc. -- just background noise.I don't know if it's reflected here, but I think I have managed to do that, a little bit, in 2013. It's partly because, I will freely admit, I've gotten more sleep this year. Not only has KT been better about not waking me up at night, but also, Shawn and I have made a bigger effort to get to bed in the 10 o'clock hour as much as we can. (I hate "not only/but also," by the way. I employ one writer who overuses it and I have come to think it's the worst grammar convention in the history of writing.)
So there's sleep.
Plus, I've been capturing little moments in the Happier app since February. It's a wonderful way to count blessings, and counting blessings -- even just the smallest things like "wearing a scarf I like" -- changes you. It does. You notice those things more. In the app, you even want to take little pictures of them. (Kate always scoffs at my photo library: "WHY do you have a picture of your Starbucks cup, MOM? That's so weird." Haha! She's only five.) So that feels like some of the "light" I was wishing for, back in January.
And I've definitely been asking for spiritual help lately, with Kate's little tantrums and attitude testing me. I pray over her every chance I get, and over her brother. "Please help her be kind. Please be with her, in her heart." "Please give him patience. Let him know he's loved and cherished." But also for me, "Help me know what to do." That one a lot. One of our parish deacons (the one I like best, and found out recently he's a Franciscan, so no wonder) gave a homily this past Sunday, and said we all need at least "one humiliation each day," because it keeps us going to God. It's a pretty smart theory, and I've certainly been getting mine.
Anyway, I've been dying to write something about the Thanksgiving holiday, but haven't at all been motivated, until I saw the January post. I think I've accomplished some of those things, and I'm glad. Here's hoping I can continue to be even more thankful all this holiday weekend, and through stressful December.
Wednesday, November 20
She was probably sick; and a yoga update
So, Kate came home from school at noon yesterday feeling cruddy. She did a lot of sleeping, and coughing. She was likely feeling cruddy all weekend (Sunday, when her whining was a day-long affair) and Monday morning, which prompted my last post.
Don't I feel like an idiot.
Oh well, nothing to be done for it now. I tried one of the calm, hug-it-out, talk about it techniques this morning with success... the first time. The second tantrum, 5 minutes later, sent me into a rage. I realize this whole thing is likely my problem, not even hers. I'll have a large guilt, please. Hold the self-loathing. If this becomes the go-to technique, then it only took me five and three-quarter years to figure out my own child. Yay?
Anyway, a good sweat would help me feel better so I'm off to yoga today. It's been so long that I'm nervous again, just like the first time I went. Stupid. I hope that guy isn't there. I've always seen him on Fridays; I hope he only goes once a week and not twice. Ugh.
Don't I feel like an idiot.
Oh well, nothing to be done for it now. I tried one of the calm, hug-it-out, talk about it techniques this morning with success... the first time. The second tantrum, 5 minutes later, sent me into a rage. I realize this whole thing is likely my problem, not even hers. I'll have a large guilt, please. Hold the self-loathing. If this becomes the go-to technique, then it only took me five and three-quarter years to figure out my own child. Yay?
Anyway, a good sweat would help me feel better so I'm off to yoga today. It's been so long that I'm nervous again, just like the first time I went. Stupid. I hope that guy isn't there. I've always seen him on Fridays; I hope he only goes once a week and not twice. Ugh.
Monday, November 18
Wrong side of the bed
Today's not the first time I've cried on a Monday morning, when my manager/friend walked in and asked, "How are you?"
Unfortunately, I was not that great.
Unfortunately, KT and I experienced our morning friction again today.
Has it been a while? Maybe. I mean, we've talked before about how she isn't a morning person. Thankfully, we haven't fought very much about bedtime since Kindergarten started. Lately she's been grouchy about wanting to lie down on the couch, NOT THE CHAIR, when we come downstairs for morning snuggles. Lord forbid if Alex makes it to the couch before her. But she's somehow been able to get over it, and hasn't gotten flipped out over the lights being TOO BRIGHT in quite a while.
Until today. Really, we spent most of yesterday (Sunday) in a heightened state of emotion, too. She was mad at me about every little thing. Nothing was going her way and she made that known.
Always, after these tantrums, I feel two things: 1. Ashamed, at the things I think (and sometimes the things I say), in response to her lashing out; and my inability to handle it with more patience and calm. But I mean, good grief, should I also have to be spoken to disrespectfully by my child?? No, I should NOT. 2. Guilt, that I've let it go this long and she's still acting this way. Is it because I don't have (make) the time to help her get through it with "emotional intelligence (see link below)?" Or time to discipline her properly? I've thought that "ignore, ignore" was the Number One Rule... but maybe that's also known as "Letting her Get Away With It." She's five and a half... Tantrums should have long ended, shouldn't they have? At least tantrums this big? I don't know.
I don't want us to punish her harshly, because she feels everything very deeply, from the initial reactions that get her ramped up, all the way to deep remorse. Often in the last 3 months, she's sobbed, "I don't want to be a bad person..." which just.... you can imagine what that does to a mama's heart.
We can't NOT discipline her, though, can we? I always run to the Internet or a book and further convince myself that I'm doing it all wrong, even though I know in my head that isn't true, and that every parent just does the best they can, and it's good enough. It IS.
I hate it for Alex, because it's not fair to him that she forces my full attention on her all the time; it's simply not fair. Even though he's older and doesn't need me as much, I know that too... but he's so like me and averse to conflict that he'll often give up whatever it is she's fighting for, just to avoid the hassle. What does that teach her? And yet, I don't blame him; it's what I do, myself. So I've definitely taught her, "Scream, and you'll eventually get your way." Not in every instance, but in some of them. I'm sorry for that. I don't believe in bratty kids, I swear. Would you believe me if you watched us from afar? And how do I turn it around now?
What's the natural consequence for acting out in the morning? You have to eat your breakfast alone in the dining room, instead of with Alex in the kitchen? (She'll scream that she's scared to be alone.) You must not want your breakfast; let's just go get dressed and you can have a granola bar on the way to school. ("You don't even want to FEED ME, Mommy? You don't even LOVE ME!" Believe me, this is what will transpire.) The next morning, you have to wake up with an alarm clock instead of Mommy so nicely waking you up?
Or, what can I start taking away that she will give a rip about? all TV? (which punishes Alex as well). Dessert? Sweets and Snacks? It's not immediate so she won't see the logic. She doesn't care that much about her toys and again, not immediate unless it's a specific situation)
How do I help her learn that she cannot always have her way? We played a board game yesterday and she flipped the board, mad when I pulled a card that she wanted. Yeah, she's that kid. It was CandyLand -- the game meant to teach 3-year-olds about winning and losing. I tried to gently tell her that we can't win every time -- as I have since we started playing games with the kids -- but it fell on deaf ears.
If we up her bedtime because she's just not getting enough sleep (I guess this is possible), she'll have to go to bed at 7:00 (that would give her 11 hours). I honestly don't think I can make that work.
I've come out with so many different "New House Rules" charts and "Kate's Behavior Chart"s over the years that I doubt they have any effect at this point.
I like what I read in the link above, and she does seem to respond to that type of helping behavior... I WANT to acknowledge her emotions every time and say, "There, there, I know you're mad/sad, and I'm here, you're safe. Let's talk about it -- you can tell me about why you're scared or upset." Is that the right thing to do? Or is it just babying the baby? Giving her attention when that's exactly what she wants?
I don't know which.
p.s. I know. I KNOW that everything's okay and I'm doing the best I can, and she's fine and she'll BE fine. I know, really. I love her and I love being a parent. It helps me sort out the difficult emotions and ideas, and to vent my frustrations, by writing it all here.
Unfortunately, I was not that great.
Unfortunately, KT and I experienced our morning friction again today.
Has it been a while? Maybe. I mean, we've talked before about how she isn't a morning person. Thankfully, we haven't fought very much about bedtime since Kindergarten started. Lately she's been grouchy about wanting to lie down on the couch, NOT THE CHAIR, when we come downstairs for morning snuggles. Lord forbid if Alex makes it to the couch before her. But she's somehow been able to get over it, and hasn't gotten flipped out over the lights being TOO BRIGHT in quite a while.
Until today. Really, we spent most of yesterday (Sunday) in a heightened state of emotion, too. She was mad at me about every little thing. Nothing was going her way and she made that known.
Always, after these tantrums, I feel two things: 1. Ashamed, at the things I think (and sometimes the things I say), in response to her lashing out; and my inability to handle it with more patience and calm. But I mean, good grief, should I also have to be spoken to disrespectfully by my child?? No, I should NOT. 2. Guilt, that I've let it go this long and she's still acting this way. Is it because I don't have (make) the time to help her get through it with "emotional intelligence (see link below)?" Or time to discipline her properly? I've thought that "ignore, ignore" was the Number One Rule... but maybe that's also known as "Letting her Get Away With It." She's five and a half... Tantrums should have long ended, shouldn't they have? At least tantrums this big? I don't know.
I don't want us to punish her harshly, because she feels everything very deeply, from the initial reactions that get her ramped up, all the way to deep remorse. Often in the last 3 months, she's sobbed, "I don't want to be a bad person..." which just.... you can imagine what that does to a mama's heart.
We can't NOT discipline her, though, can we? I always run to the Internet or a book and further convince myself that I'm doing it all wrong, even though I know in my head that isn't true, and that every parent just does the best they can, and it's good enough. It IS.
I hate it for Alex, because it's not fair to him that she forces my full attention on her all the time; it's simply not fair. Even though he's older and doesn't need me as much, I know that too... but he's so like me and averse to conflict that he'll often give up whatever it is she's fighting for, just to avoid the hassle. What does that teach her? And yet, I don't blame him; it's what I do, myself. So I've definitely taught her, "Scream, and you'll eventually get your way." Not in every instance, but in some of them. I'm sorry for that. I don't believe in bratty kids, I swear. Would you believe me if you watched us from afar? And how do I turn it around now?
What's the natural consequence for acting out in the morning? You have to eat your breakfast alone in the dining room, instead of with Alex in the kitchen? (She'll scream that she's scared to be alone.) You must not want your breakfast; let's just go get dressed and you can have a granola bar on the way to school. ("You don't even want to FEED ME, Mommy? You don't even LOVE ME!" Believe me, this is what will transpire.) The next morning, you have to wake up with an alarm clock instead of Mommy so nicely waking you up?
Or, what can I start taking away that she will give a rip about? all TV? (which punishes Alex as well). Dessert? Sweets and Snacks? It's not immediate so she won't see the logic. She doesn't care that much about her toys and again, not immediate unless it's a specific situation)
How do I help her learn that she cannot always have her way? We played a board game yesterday and she flipped the board, mad when I pulled a card that she wanted. Yeah, she's that kid. It was CandyLand -- the game meant to teach 3-year-olds about winning and losing. I tried to gently tell her that we can't win every time -- as I have since we started playing games with the kids -- but it fell on deaf ears.
If we up her bedtime because she's just not getting enough sleep (I guess this is possible), she'll have to go to bed at 7:00 (that would give her 11 hours). I honestly don't think I can make that work.
I've come out with so many different "New House Rules" charts and "Kate's Behavior Chart"s over the years that I doubt they have any effect at this point.
I like what I read in the link above, and she does seem to respond to that type of helping behavior... I WANT to acknowledge her emotions every time and say, "There, there, I know you're mad/sad, and I'm here, you're safe. Let's talk about it -- you can tell me about why you're scared or upset." Is that the right thing to do? Or is it just babying the baby? Giving her attention when that's exactly what she wants?
I don't know which.
p.s. I know. I KNOW that everything's okay and I'm doing the best I can, and she's fine and she'll BE fine. I know, really. I love her and I love being a parent. It helps me sort out the difficult emotions and ideas, and to vent my frustrations, by writing it all here.
Wednesday, November 13
A few ideas
I kinda would like to have some sort of celebration this summer.
I think my DH appreciates knowing these things, and being given a few ideas. I know it's not even Christmas yet -- I haven't given any ideas for Christmas (we're maybe skipping gifts this year). But I thought I'd put a bug in someone's ear. A
F O R T I E T H
birthday is happening on a Wednesday in June 2014.
Here are the few ideas. We mustn't do all of them; I'd be thrilled with one:
Of course for HIS 40th, Kate had pneumonia, I think we ate dinner at home, and I tried to frost a cake myself, which was cakewrecks.com worthy. Truly pathetic. :/ Not sure how to reconcile my guilt about that (he did have a surprise 35th), but I'll have to think about it another time. Hitting Publish before I wimp out....
I think my DH appreciates knowing these things, and being given a few ideas. I know it's not even Christmas yet -- I haven't given any ideas for Christmas (we're maybe skipping gifts this year). But I thought I'd put a bug in someone's ear. A
F O R T I E T H
birthday is happening on a Wednesday in June 2014.
Here are the few ideas. We mustn't do all of them; I'd be thrilled with one:
- A bottle of Veuve Cliquot
- or a small family fondue or some-other-atypical party (maybe at the Melting Pot)
- or a nice-sized party at our house (I'll even help cook and clean)
- or a surprise party (wherein I do NOT have to help cook and clean) ;) -- is it a surprise if you ask for it?
- or a weekend getaway, just the two of us?
- or a day-trip or 1- or 2-night family trip somewhere fun/unusual/interesting?
Of course for HIS 40th, Kate had pneumonia, I think we ate dinner at home, and I tried to frost a cake myself, which was cakewrecks.com worthy. Truly pathetic. :/ Not sure how to reconcile my guilt about that (he did have a surprise 35th), but I'll have to think about it another time. Hitting Publish before I wimp out....
Thursday, November 7
Sick day
Tuesday, because Alex had a 101.5 fever the day before, and because the fourth grade at his school is plagued this week, meriting a typed letter from the school nurse to remind us of the 24-hour rule (fever-free, WITHOUT fever-reducing medicine, they said emphatically).... we stayed home. Seriously, 21 kids out of his class of 54 felled by strep or flu or virus or sinuses!
In retrospect, he probably had a fever Sunday and Monday, too, but I assumed he was just tired from his Cub Scout trip. Whoops. He wasn't really complaining, as I'm told boys sometimes don't do. The fever was gone by the time he woke up Tuesday, of course. He stayed in his jammies and I did a very reckless thing and didn't go to the office to get my laptop. Just took a day. I checked my email one time only and didn't even respond.
It was lovely.
I made 2 lasagnas for the freezer, before noon. Yes, I have been praising the pre-fab ones recently, but I do love to give food to new mamas and sick people, and I'm involved in a current opportunity for that. (One lasagna is for us, however.) It was relaxing to just cook like I had all the time in the world - no dinnertime bearing down on me! I did all the laundry I could find. Used up my last dryer sheet, even! He played on the computer, worked on a social studies project due next week, watched some (really terrible) TV. Cartoon Network needs to go home. Cartoon Network, you are very drunk.
After lunch we agreed to read/rest for 1 hour. He read Boys' Life magazine without complaint. At first he was reading it aloud to me every little bit but then we settled in, and he was working a crossword or puzzle of some sort, and I finished my book, and tried to fall asleep on the couch. Such a nice silence, together. The lights were off, just soft daylight through the blinds. This kid is so easygoing. I think he needed that quiet time, too. He's a lot like me in a lot of ways.
We played cards. I taught him Gin Rummy (what I know of it), and he taught me a game called "Trash," which is fun, too. Then we played an interminable game of War (they always are) in the afternoon sunshine at our kitchen table. Then we went to pick up Kate at school.
I want to box up and wrap the memory of our nice sick day together. :)
In retrospect, he probably had a fever Sunday and Monday, too, but I assumed he was just tired from his Cub Scout trip. Whoops. He wasn't really complaining, as I'm told boys sometimes don't do. The fever was gone by the time he woke up Tuesday, of course. He stayed in his jammies and I did a very reckless thing and didn't go to the office to get my laptop. Just took a day. I checked my email one time only and didn't even respond.
It was lovely.
I made 2 lasagnas for the freezer, before noon. Yes, I have been praising the pre-fab ones recently, but I do love to give food to new mamas and sick people, and I'm involved in a current opportunity for that. (One lasagna is for us, however.) It was relaxing to just cook like I had all the time in the world - no dinnertime bearing down on me! I did all the laundry I could find. Used up my last dryer sheet, even! He played on the computer, worked on a social studies project due next week, watched some (really terrible) TV. Cartoon Network needs to go home. Cartoon Network, you are very drunk.
After lunch we agreed to read/rest for 1 hour. He read Boys' Life magazine without complaint. At first he was reading it aloud to me every little bit but then we settled in, and he was working a crossword or puzzle of some sort, and I finished my book, and tried to fall asleep on the couch. Such a nice silence, together. The lights were off, just soft daylight through the blinds. This kid is so easygoing. I think he needed that quiet time, too. He's a lot like me in a lot of ways.
We played cards. I taught him Gin Rummy (what I know of it), and he taught me a game called "Trash," which is fun, too. Then we played an interminable game of War (they always are) in the afternoon sunshine at our kitchen table. Then we went to pick up Kate at school.
I want to box up and wrap the memory of our nice sick day together. :)
Monday, November 4
So I'll remember
I don't do photo albums much anymore. I feel extreme guilt about it. I really, truly want to do photobooks, and maybe I should make a goal of catching up in 2014. But at least I will have snapshots in words to help me look back at the beautiful things in my life.
- Kate losing her first tooth. We're (Mom and I) hanging out in the kitchen on Saturday, she's watching TV in the den. She calmly walks over to us and says,"Look what I did." And shows me a tiny little bloody tooth in her hand. Her purple and pink tooth pillow had JUST arrived the day before from Etsy. Whew!
- Alex and Shawn going on yet another Cub Scout campout. This time on an aircraft carrier, the Yorktown, where they slept in bunks stacked 4 high, with barely enough room to roll over between them. Might have been better than sleeping in a tent, but not much. I know they're going to treasure the memories they made together in Charleston, even if the time spent there wasn't all roses and unicorns (or, in their case, it wasn't all gunfire demonstrations or cool programming or soft mattresses). I know that this time with his dad is the best foundation for Alex's heart and will make him an amazing man and (hopefully) father one day, too. I can't wait to see the seeds Shawn's planting someday grow big and strong.
- I mean, I CAN wait. Slow down, time. But it will be a satisfying sight.
- Another volleyball state championship game for my cousin, Amber, a junior. This year, it was a loss. (Last year, a win.) Seeing her all grown up, but still so young. High school doesn't feel that long ago when I'm there, and I know it won't be long before my kids are in that amazing time of their lives, too -- it's one long mind- and time-warp-trip, going to her games. It felt appropriate that she had to learn the agony of defeat this year. Tough on her, but made me proud of her. And here's hoping her senior year brings a come-from-behind, satisfying victory.
- Quiet afternoons with MY Dad, doing our 'project' -- a word that has bonded us since childhood, when he'd wake me on a Saturday with "Lee... got a project for ya..." -- in the very definition of a companionable silence. (We painted the deck rails.) The fall sunlight was perfect and there was even a nice breeze sometimes, and we shared a comment here or there, about a dog barking, or about Kate wandering off to play with the neighbors, or about our paint running out. It was hard work, on one hand, and easy work on the other hand. Something about the meditative action of painting, too -- whitewashing -- was calming. I enjoyed being in those moments, so much.
- Kitchen table with my Mom. There's nothing better. Our adult friendship is built on the kitchen tables.
- Easy, but big, beautiful family dinners. I mean, a frozen lasagna. A Caesar salad. Garlic bread. There's nothing fancy about it, but for sure pulling the extra leaf out from under the table, and gathering around it, is one of life's biggest blessings.
Thursday, October 31
Halloween things, and scarier things
Two things:
I have never liked dressing up for Halloween, as an adult. Maybe I did too much dressing up as a teen in community theater? Maybe I thought I didn't have any good ideas (and wasn't willing to spend $29)? Maybe I didn't think I could pull off the sexy-whatever that seems to be the norm for adult women costumes (definitely)...I don't know why.
But this year my office has a new HR manager, and a real need for some morale-boosting (it's just been a crummy few years with no social events at all), and so we're actually having a costume contest. And it's actually really fun. I'm Minnie Mouse. I already had a headband with the ears and the red bow from our last Disney trip, and I just safety-pinned white felt polka-dots onto a red t-shirt. Easy! (I also bought white gloves but it's awfully hard to type in them!)
The best part was Kate telling me this morning, "Everyone is going to love your costume, Mommy!" :) Awww. Made my day.
In previous jobs I've had, there were always the few people who dressed up, but everyone looked sideways at those weirdos. Without an official invitation, I never was motivated to do so myself. I'm glad of the planned requirement, this year.
Around the office, we have Rainbow Brite, a cowgirl, a "devil in a blue dress," (clever), a zombie, a guy wearing an Afro wig who says he's Bob Ross (love), a fortune teller, some other creative things, and several bah-humbugs who aren't dressed at all. The ones whose religions prevent them from celebrating Halloween (Jehovah's Witnesses, we have a few), I'll give a pass -- but the regular ol' people who just didn't feel like it, I'm now scowling in your general direction. Even though I used to be one of you.
---
Much scarier than Halloween, is the fact that at my kids' Catholic school now, they are having Intruder Drills along with Fire Drills and Tornado Drills. "Intruder Drills are where you have to HIDE, Mommy," Kate says in her 5-year-old, doesn't-even-know-what-"intruder"-means voice. She prefers the restroom to the closet, she says, and is glad Ms. Lane brings a flashlight.
I just can't... this is so incredibly sad. Leaves me feeling entirely hopeless for our world.
I have never liked dressing up for Halloween, as an adult. Maybe I did too much dressing up as a teen in community theater? Maybe I thought I didn't have any good ideas (and wasn't willing to spend $29)? Maybe I didn't think I could pull off the sexy-whatever that seems to be the norm for adult women costumes (definitely)...I don't know why.
But this year my office has a new HR manager, and a real need for some morale-boosting (it's just been a crummy few years with no social events at all), and so we're actually having a costume contest. And it's actually really fun. I'm Minnie Mouse. I already had a headband with the ears and the red bow from our last Disney trip, and I just safety-pinned white felt polka-dots onto a red t-shirt. Easy! (I also bought white gloves but it's awfully hard to type in them!)
The best part was Kate telling me this morning, "Everyone is going to love your costume, Mommy!" :) Awww. Made my day.
In previous jobs I've had, there were always the few people who dressed up, but everyone looked sideways at those weirdos. Without an official invitation, I never was motivated to do so myself. I'm glad of the planned requirement, this year.
Around the office, we have Rainbow Brite, a cowgirl, a "devil in a blue dress," (clever), a zombie, a guy wearing an Afro wig who says he's Bob Ross (love), a fortune teller, some other creative things, and several bah-humbugs who aren't dressed at all. The ones whose religions prevent them from celebrating Halloween (Jehovah's Witnesses, we have a few), I'll give a pass -- but the regular ol' people who just didn't feel like it, I'm now scowling in your general direction. Even though I used to be one of you.
---
Much scarier than Halloween, is the fact that at my kids' Catholic school now, they are having Intruder Drills along with Fire Drills and Tornado Drills. "Intruder Drills are where you have to HIDE, Mommy," Kate says in her 5-year-old, doesn't-even-know-what-"intruder"-means voice. She prefers the restroom to the closet, she says, and is glad Ms. Lane brings a flashlight.
I just can't... this is so incredibly sad. Leaves me feeling entirely hopeless for our world.
Tuesday, October 29
Flavorful!
I made jambalaya for dinner last night. It turned out pretty darn tasty. Wasn't as amazing as the jambalaya recipe that my parents and Uncle are currently using, but still had that delicious, unmistakable Cajun flavor, and what seemed like a lot of healthy vegetables so it was virtuous. It calls for a 1-lb. can of whole tomatoes, among other things. Lycopene for the win!
I made mine with shrimp, ham and brown rice. You can also do oysters, but why would you? The parents'/Uncle's recipe has chicken and andouille sausage, I think, but this easy recipe (from Great Aunt Lou) doesn't.
Only thing I didn't have was a nice loaf of French bread. Darn. Probably saved myself 600 calories, though.
I can't wait to have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. (Didn't bring them today because of eating the same thing 2 days in a row. It's just not right.)
The kids tried it and both said, with eyebrows raised as if surprised, "That's pretty good!" As I tell them every time I make something Cajun, "Good, you'll be seeing it again."
----
Although, it's funny about "family" recipes. I think a lot of people who have nothing at all to do with Louisiana make Cajun dishes like jambalaya. They might even call them "family favorites." The millions of cooking websites and recipe Pins and cooking shows these days -- not to mention the availability of ingredients -- makes it possible to have anything you want as a "family" recipe. You like Pad Thai? It's easy. Want some Indian curry and Naan? Got that. Authentic Polish kielbasa something-or-other? I bet there's a crock-pot version.
It makes the special recipes a little less unique, I think, which is kind-of sad. It also dilutes the family "norm," because in any given week, we could have pasta, sitr-fry, pulled pork, and chorizo quesadillas. We're diluted on heritage -- we're not Italian in any way, nor Chinese, nor Mexican. (I guess pulled pork BBQ's the only thing we can legitimately claim, as Georgians.) But we're always big on flavor. :)
I made mine with shrimp, ham and brown rice. You can also do oysters, but why would you? The parents'/Uncle's recipe has chicken and andouille sausage, I think, but this easy recipe (from Great Aunt Lou) doesn't.
Only thing I didn't have was a nice loaf of French bread. Darn. Probably saved myself 600 calories, though.
I can't wait to have the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. (Didn't bring them today because of eating the same thing 2 days in a row. It's just not right.)
The kids tried it and both said, with eyebrows raised as if surprised, "That's pretty good!" As I tell them every time I make something Cajun, "Good, you'll be seeing it again."
----
Although, it's funny about "family" recipes. I think a lot of people who have nothing at all to do with Louisiana make Cajun dishes like jambalaya. They might even call them "family favorites." The millions of cooking websites and recipe Pins and cooking shows these days -- not to mention the availability of ingredients -- makes it possible to have anything you want as a "family" recipe. You like Pad Thai? It's easy. Want some Indian curry and Naan? Got that. Authentic Polish kielbasa something-or-other? I bet there's a crock-pot version.
It makes the special recipes a little less unique, I think, which is kind-of sad. It also dilutes the family "norm," because in any given week, we could have pasta, sitr-fry, pulled pork, and chorizo quesadillas. We're diluted on heritage -- we're not Italian in any way, nor Chinese, nor Mexican. (I guess pulled pork BBQ's the only thing we can legitimately claim, as Georgians.) But we're always big on flavor. :)
Wednesday, October 23
Don't look at her
Let me tell you what volunteering in Kate's classroom has been like, so far. [So Fun.]
I went in last week to help the new computer lab teacher with the Kindergarteners. I didn't do much prep-work for this event with Kate; the day before, I mentioned it to her. It was going to be 45 minutes or an hour -- a convenient lunch-hour for me -- and I wanted to give her fair warning but didn't think we needed to discuss it at great length. She knows I go over to school once in a while to do little "jobs." But when I told her, I definitely got A Look. It wasn't the teenage eyeroll you're thinking, but it was close. There was a hint of, "Are you kidding me?" (the sarcastic version), and just a touch of "I'm revolted by the thought," too. Clearly the Kindergarten classroom is her very own domain and she does not want Mommy coming in there to mess it all up. (Or, she doesn't want me to see how WELL-BEHAVED she can actually be....)
When I saw her coming into the computer classroom, she nearly stopped right in line to GAPE at me, like, "Really? You actually ARE here?" and she kind-of wrinkled up her nose like something smelled bad. Talk about funny. I made SURE not to talk to her much during the class. Instead I took it as an opportunity to meet some of her friends. (And of course, to observe the wide variety of computer skills that a group of 28 mostly-privileged white kids displays -- it was so interesting. Some can navigate through a SurveyMonkey questionnaire with just a little bit of reading help by the teacher, clicking here and there and having no trouble. Other kids track their mouse all over the table, trying to get the cursor back where it belongs, and unable to find "A" or "Enter" on the keyboard at all. Fascinating.)
Yesterday, I volunteered again, this time in the Library slash Scholastic Book Fair. Helping kids count out their money, now THAT'S fun. ;) Once again, Kate was not very happy to see me (at least on the outside). She did allow herself to whine to me a little bit, when she realized her $12 saved-up-allowance would only buy her 2 books, but at that point my hour was up and I had to leave. I made the mistake of calling her "Kate-Kate" on my way out. Her Kinderg. friends don't know that name -- just her Pre-K friends, who've known her and called her that since before they could all talk (awww). I apologized later for calling her that in front of people. Thankfully, she hadn't noticed or cared.
I'm not hurt by any of her antics, by the way. It's actually the best part of it. I do my best to react the right way, and not annoy her any further, and not incite her! It's so funny. Also of note, Alex used to totally LIGHT UP when I (infrequently) showed up at school. Makes me want to be there even MORE. I have another computer lab date next month, I think, and I signed up to be a "Mystery Reader" in January. HOW embarrassing, to have your mom READ (think I should do character voices??) to your class. Hahaha. I can't wait.
I went in last week to help the new computer lab teacher with the Kindergarteners. I didn't do much prep-work for this event with Kate; the day before, I mentioned it to her. It was going to be 45 minutes or an hour -- a convenient lunch-hour for me -- and I wanted to give her fair warning but didn't think we needed to discuss it at great length. She knows I go over to school once in a while to do little "jobs." But when I told her, I definitely got A Look. It wasn't the teenage eyeroll you're thinking, but it was close. There was a hint of, "Are you kidding me?" (the sarcastic version), and just a touch of "I'm revolted by the thought," too. Clearly the Kindergarten classroom is her very own domain and she does not want Mommy coming in there to mess it all up. (Or, she doesn't want me to see how WELL-BEHAVED she can actually be....)
When I saw her coming into the computer classroom, she nearly stopped right in line to GAPE at me, like, "Really? You actually ARE here?" and she kind-of wrinkled up her nose like something smelled bad. Talk about funny. I made SURE not to talk to her much during the class. Instead I took it as an opportunity to meet some of her friends. (And of course, to observe the wide variety of computer skills that a group of 28 mostly-privileged white kids displays -- it was so interesting. Some can navigate through a SurveyMonkey questionnaire with just a little bit of reading help by the teacher, clicking here and there and having no trouble. Other kids track their mouse all over the table, trying to get the cursor back where it belongs, and unable to find "A" or "Enter" on the keyboard at all. Fascinating.)
Yesterday, I volunteered again, this time in the Library slash Scholastic Book Fair. Helping kids count out their money, now THAT'S fun. ;) Once again, Kate was not very happy to see me (at least on the outside). She did allow herself to whine to me a little bit, when she realized her $12 saved-up-allowance would only buy her 2 books, but at that point my hour was up and I had to leave. I made the mistake of calling her "Kate-Kate" on my way out. Her Kinderg. friends don't know that name -- just her Pre-K friends, who've known her and called her that since before they could all talk (awww). I apologized later for calling her that in front of people. Thankfully, she hadn't noticed or cared.
I'm not hurt by any of her antics, by the way. It's actually the best part of it. I do my best to react the right way, and not annoy her any further, and not incite her! It's so funny. Also of note, Alex used to totally LIGHT UP when I (infrequently) showed up at school. Makes me want to be there even MORE. I have another computer lab date next month, I think, and I signed up to be a "Mystery Reader" in January. HOW embarrassing, to have your mom READ (think I should do character voices??) to your class. Hahaha. I can't wait.
Monday, October 21
Around the office
I can tell my co-worker/mgr is going to be grouchy today. Great. After such a nice weekend, too. Leo B. would say that her mood doesn't have to determine how I'm going to react. It's a "leaf falling" or a "bird flying by." I can't control it and there's no need to respond with equal grouchiness. I should instead try to respond with care for her. I should consider why she might be feeling that way, and then consider ways to show her compassion and kindness instead of feeding her bad mood by letting myself be negative, too.
Except I think I know why she's grouchy -- it's because it's Monday and she had to get out of BED, and she has a lot of TASKS to do at work today. And not enough time to do them. People demanding things of her. Same as the rest of us!! It's hard to feel sympathy when this is the reality.
Well. I don't want to sink into a crappy Monday. -Brisk clap!- I have rearranged my desk, did I mention it? In an attempt to alleviate what I still think is carpal tunnel in my left elbow, although a physical therapist has suggested otherwise (just in conversation, I haven't seen anyone officially)... I moved my computer out of the corner of my desk. I'm pretty sure I was extending the elbow in question farther than necessary so I could rest it on the desk. Very poor ergonimic technique. Now I don't have that option -- I must by necessity hover my wrists and elbows properly over the keyboard. I also have a nice footrest under my desk, so my short little legs can reach the ground. Moving the computer required that I basically redecorate. FUN! It's coming together. Isn't perfect yet, but it's nice to have a fresh perspective. It seems odd that something so small would make a big difference, but it does. I could use another lamp.
I don't have to tell you that we had another nice weekend, and now we've had a cool front and it feels like Actual Fall! We wore long sleeves and jeans to the corn maze (one goal accomplished: Shawn and I want to do MORE of these types of fun outings with the kiddos), and by the end of the evening we even needed sweaters. AND low temps are supposed to be in the 30s later this week. BRING IT! I need more pumpkin bread, more hot chocolate, and lots of Yankee Candles.
I've written this whole thing while my other (new) coworker has been talking to me through the cubicle wall. It's nice to have a buddy but sometimes I do need my whole brain to write things, even dumb blog posts like this one. I also just got up and walked around the building in the 50-degree morning. I feel 100% better about everything when I remember to do that. Maybe my mgr should try it.
Except I think I know why she's grouchy -- it's because it's Monday and she had to get out of BED, and she has a lot of TASKS to do at work today. And not enough time to do them. People demanding things of her. Same as the rest of us!! It's hard to feel sympathy when this is the reality.
Well. I don't want to sink into a crappy Monday. -Brisk clap!- I have rearranged my desk, did I mention it? In an attempt to alleviate what I still think is carpal tunnel in my left elbow, although a physical therapist has suggested otherwise (just in conversation, I haven't seen anyone officially)... I moved my computer out of the corner of my desk. I'm pretty sure I was extending the elbow in question farther than necessary so I could rest it on the desk. Very poor ergonimic technique. Now I don't have that option -- I must by necessity hover my wrists and elbows properly over the keyboard. I also have a nice footrest under my desk, so my short little legs can reach the ground. Moving the computer required that I basically redecorate. FUN! It's coming together. Isn't perfect yet, but it's nice to have a fresh perspective. It seems odd that something so small would make a big difference, but it does. I could use another lamp.
I don't have to tell you that we had another nice weekend, and now we've had a cool front and it feels like Actual Fall! We wore long sleeves and jeans to the corn maze (one goal accomplished: Shawn and I want to do MORE of these types of fun outings with the kiddos), and by the end of the evening we even needed sweaters. AND low temps are supposed to be in the 30s later this week. BRING IT! I need more pumpkin bread, more hot chocolate, and lots of Yankee Candles.
I've written this whole thing while my other (new) coworker has been talking to me through the cubicle wall. It's nice to have a buddy but sometimes I do need my whole brain to write things, even dumb blog posts like this one. I also just got up and walked around the building in the 50-degree morning. I feel 100% better about everything when I remember to do that. Maybe my mgr should try it.
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