Around 6:30 pm....

Dinners this week. Just because.

Monday:  Spaghetti with meat sauce (and frozen meatballs for the kids). Kate still likes her noodles sauce-free, so I put a little garlic salt and butter/olive oil on them. Garlic breadsticks (frozen). Convenience, Amen.

Tuesday:  On the menu was flank steak, but I had forgotten to take it out of the freezer, so we had (frozen) chicken patty sandwiches instead, on hamburger buns. Potato chips (Cheddar/Sour Cream flavor is a family favorite) and fruit salad on the side.

Wednesday:  I was planning to do the steak, but just realized that once again, I left it in the dang freezer this morning. So I guess that will have to be Thursday's meal. Tonight I suppose we'll do chicken fajitas (if I have enough tortillas, which is not certain) and chips and dip (fresh salsa and guacamole). Something to look forward to!

Thursday: Flank steak! Am putting a reminder in my phone right now to take it out as soon as I get home. I want to sautee mushrooms to go with it, and will include a green veggie as well, and crescent rolls.  Maybe Uncle Ben's.

Friday: The plan is for crackers/cheese and fruit. One member of the family doesn't care for that dinner so we'll see. There's always eating out, or breakfast for dinner, or Ramen (I've started buying it because Kate loves it.)

Flexible, but not really

Here's something that happened today via email.

--

Hi Lee,

See my comments in ital. below.

--

Hi, M,

Next week is the kids’ first week back at school, starting on Thursday. The daycare camps will have all closed because Cobb County starts on Monday. I do have babysitters lined up, but might need a little extra time in the mornings for them to arrive and get settled, etc.

I also have to take the kids myself to their “Meet the Teachers” time on Tuesday, in the morning. Here’s the basic breakdown of how I hope my schedule will work, if OK with you.

Monday – in the office by 9:30 (will check email at home) – what time will you be in the office until on Monday and Wednesday?
Tuesday – Work from Home – in general I don’t have a problem with you working from home, but please make sure that if you aren’t able to work a full 8 hours you ask for an adjustment from HR for both Tuesday and Friday
Wednesday – in the office by 9:30 (will check email at home)
Thursday – normal day, 7:30-4:30
Friday – work from home PM (it’s a noon school dismissal)

The following week I’ll plan to restart my 6:30 – 3:30 days twice a week. Which days are your 6:30 – 3:30 days?

------------------------

just... I mean, I try so damn hard to make this all work. I have a friend keeping the kids Monday at her house, a cousin coming over to babysit on Wednesday, Shawn's taking a furlough day Thursday to cover that day... what else can I do? And why do they bother giving me a laptop and VPN access if they're so concerned I'm not going to do "a full 8 hours" of work? (I log my hours every single time I work from home. Just for ME -- they've never required it but I could show them the scratch marks in my notebooks where I COUNT THE MINUTES. Goddammit.) 

Late summer blues

This is the time of year when I get sad about working full-time, at a desk job. 

I think it's two things:

It's the monotony of my job during this time of year -- go to office, sit in cubicle, do work on the computer until 4:30 pm, rinse and repeat tomorrow.

And it's the scramble after daycare camp has closed for "fall," since our parochical school can't just follow the county school schedule exactly. (Daycare follows the county, and they start school earlier than we do by 3 days.) I always think, "If only I [worked freelance/didn't work/worked part-time], this wouldn't be a problem." So now we have to figure out what to do with the kids for Aug 4, 5 and 6, and the one family I can usually count on to keep them one day, who have a boy and a girl both, are going to be out of town this year. Care.com, I guess? Sigh.

Plus, I suspect that at this point in the summer, the kids do start to notice the monotony of going to 'camp' in the first place. I guess if they stayed home for the summers, they'd be SO BORED, too. Kids get anxious and ready to go back to school -- I definitely remember that. Mine were lucky this year; June was packed, and they were out of town most of that month. So July hasn't been AS monotonous as it could have been. But still.

ANYWAY, it's Friday, and hopefully I can be very productive today, and very productive this weekend, and feel better soon. I don't like being 'grumpy pants' (or sad pants) but I kinda have been. Bleh.

P.S. Another TWO successful bedtimes under Kate's belt. I think my plan is working, muah-ha-ha.

Success w/pajama walking

Just reporting in: Last night we convinced Kate to try everything on the list. No dessert after dinner, no screentime after dinner, and a pajama walk. She went to bed and didn't get out until this morning. The pajama walk was awesome, even thought it started raining pretty hard at 7:50 pm, right as we were putting on our shoes to head out the door. We waited just a few minutes for it to stop and thankfully, it did. Just a pop-up. (One of my favorite childhood memories is of a late-evening walk my family took after a rainstorm once. I think we saw a rainbow, even -- I can still picture the way the sunset and clouds looked. I go back to it often.)

Anyway, we saw a family with three young kids. Didn't stop to chat, just said hello, but maybe next time. They were splashing in puddles. At first I was adamant that we all stay together and go slowly, but Shawn convinced me to let Kate go on ahead. And he's right -- her mind was wandering without us and I bet that helped wind her down, even though she was doing more skipping and running than I thought she should.

We still didn't get her to lights-out until 9:05, so we'll work on that. But I am encouraged.

Sleep Regressing

Argh. Kate's having some sort of sleep regression. (Can kids still have them at 6 years old? I should be writing to Ask Moxie.) I thought we were past it, but we're apparently not. The last 2 nights, she's come back downstairs after I've put her to bed -- never until after 9:00, even though we start talking about bedtime at 8:00 -- multiple times saying she's hot, or she can't sleep, or she's just not tired. I'm not sure what got her out of sync but Shawn and I have about had it. We JUST WANT an hour. We JUST want to watch ONE episode of a show, and maybe have a snack on the couch.

I'm still not just tucking her in and leaving, mind you. I never have been able to do that, not since her infancy. I still have to sit with her for 5 minutes. And I don't mind that anymore. It's five minutes of my life, you know? When I'm being mindful, I use it to pray for her, for a restful night and a good day tomorrow. Mothers' prayers. When I'm not being mindful, I just use it to quiet my own mind. And by that I mean, my mind just wanders. I don't mind 5 minutes. She needs someone with her (extrovert). I guess if I'm meant to be that person for 18 years, so be it. But golly, this last 2 nights... I will say that she's had naps both those days. Sunday she put herself down on the couch; she was feeling feverish, in fact. She slept through our dinner, and we let her, because the previous time we'd woken her and faced a Class A Tantrum. So I know, that was too close to bedtime and probably a mistake.

Yesterday I stayed home with her. Since she only had about 6 hours sleep I wanted her to sleep in. I was planning to just go to work late, but when she woke up she said, "I just want to sleep all DAY," and "Everything hurts," and I couldn't in good conscience send her to summer camp like that. I made her promise to nap before 2:30pm, and she did. 2:30 'til about 4:00. Then we took a 20-minute walk later. She ate a great dinner. It was dessert night so she had a small dish of ice cream. She had a bath, watched a little TV with Alex, fussed about blow-drying her hair, brushed teeth and we read together for ten minutes. It was actually really nice.

Four times, she came out of her room. She sneaked downstairs, or she called me from the top of the stairs. "Mommy? Mommy? ...I'm hot." "Well, take off your shirt." "I can't fall asleep." "TRY." Finally, she came tearfully into our room at 10:30 (we had given up staying downstairs in the hopes she would figure out it was late). It breaks my heart because I know she's trying. When she's really sobbing, I know she's frustrated, too. I pulled her in bed next to me, and she was asleep in minutes.

Here's what I plan to propose to her, after doing a little reading this morning when I'm rational:

·         Problem: Dessert after dinner. Too much sugar is hard for the body to process so fast (sugar gives you energy).

·         Possible Solution: “Desserty” snacks after school/camp instead: Ice cream or popsicles or cookies. Warm milk after dinner, if you want something.

·         Problem: TV/Screentime. Experts say you should turn off all screens at least 1 hour before bedtime.

·         Possible Solution:  (There’s one main solution to this, and that is to not watch TV/play iPad/iPhone after dinner.) Something we could do instead: Pajama Walks. (I own that guy's book, by the way.) Put on PJs, brush teeth, and take a nighttime walk around the neighborhood together. Slow and gentle, very mellow.

·         Problem: Trouble with bath-taking and drying hair. When we argue about this, our bodies get “revved up” and it’s hard to settle back down.

·         Possible Solution: Baths as soon as we get home from school/camp, when it’s bath night. OR, shower in the morning instead! (hair can air-dry)

P.S. I'm slightly embarrassed that I have a whole category about this.

Frisbee

I can't remember when or why we started playing Frisbee with the kids; I mean, we always had frisbees around, I guess, because people like to do them as giveaways and, for whatever other reason. (From my own childhood, I remember ordering a free one from the back of the Frosted Flakes box, with my Dad. It was a very important endeavor to 6-year-old me; I remember keeping the Proofs of Purchase and putting them in the envelope. The frisbee was white with Tony the Tiger on the front (orange, obviously), and I also remember how quickly he faded. But that was our family frisbee.)

At the house we just left, the hilly, uneven and tree-covered lawn meant that the best place to play was the driveway. It... wasn't ideal. One person stood near the garage on the "down" part of the slope, and the other person was near the street on the "up" part. But we played pretty often. Especially as Alex started growing into it, instead of flinging the thing directly into the ground, or under an overgrown tree. It was easy to teach, even for someone like me who knows nothing about frisbee-throwing -- at least I knew to say, "Use your wrist" and "Face your target." Or something like that. I was always worried about skinned knees, but I don't think frisbee ever caused one.

We're lucky, living in the climate we do, that lots of days of the year are good for it. So we'd play, on the driveway, sailing it straight to and fro, grumbling when it rolled under one of the cars, or out into, then across, the street, or under the azaleas. Kate learned, too (or, is learning). We'd count to see how many times we could throw and catch without dropping it. I think Alex and I got up to 12 or 13 once.

I really like it because it's one of those things like a Dad and son throwing a baseball. You can talk or not talk. But the opportunity's there.

One of the things we love about our new house is the backyard -- for lots of reasons. Of course I want to "decorate" on the patio -- even extend the patio -- and there's a firepit in the way-back woods, that I'm excited about. But the main "living area" is a large square, basically -- flat and grassy. No trees except on the perimeter. And so when the weather this week was in the 70s -- in JULY -- we knew it was time. After dinner (and right after Shawn had cut the grass, which was so nice), no humidity, no mosquitoes.

Such freedom!! To throw diagonally, one of us in each corner, or go all the way around -- it's a surprisingly huge improvement. We can run to catch it, jump without worrying about scraped knees, and really FLY the thing. I was just amazed at the difference, after throwing "uphill" so long.

It's not that big of a deal, but I'm excited about frisbee. The prospect of fall weather. The idea of getting exercise -- but playing. The built-in stress relief. The idea of having little family "competitions." (Last night, our 2nd night in a row, we determined when to go inside by saying, "When we get to 10 'errant' throws, we're done." It was fun! And funny!) The popsicles afterwards. ;)

Just the picture of us out there together in the fresh air. It's total bliss.

Things that were fun this weekend

• Friday night dinner was Alex's choice, after his long 2 weeks away from Mommy's table: Taco Night!
• Saturday morning: Haircut/color/shampoo/style for me. Glad I got started at 9:00 am so I could finish early.
• Saturday evening: Cantor at Mass, then dinner (free! thanks to a giftcard from a sweet Uncle Jim) at Applebees. I let myself coast and order whatever I wanted. Which happened to be a salad, but I also loved our Potato Twists appetizer.
• Saturday night: Kate wanted to show Alex a movie that she apparently likes a lot: "Escape from Witch Mountain." It's from 1975 and creeps me right out (when it isn't boring me), but she's watched it twice in the past week! She wanted Alex to see it, too. (He fell asleep.)
• Sunday morning: Breakfast out AGAIN! This time with both kids. Mmm, gouda grits.
• Sunday afternoon: Shopping (the whole family!) at Kohl's. Got kids a couple of things they needed, and Daddy, too.
• Sunday afternoon (later): A quick card tournament (Blink). What a fun game! Easy for everyone, and FAST. This is very good for the parental-types among us. It's over-with quickly, and then the kids went to watch Gremlins. Haha! So many GenX old movies!
• Sunday evening: Lemon-basil pasta for dinner. So yummy and summery. And the kids loved their version, and ate their broccoli, too.

So it was a very good weekend, after all. I'd been thinking the opposite*, but all it takes is a little gratitude and blessing-counting to really see what's true.

*A couple of things threatened to ruin my mood. (okay, maybe they did ruin my mood over the weekend at various times). One, our upstairs AC drain pan overflowed, leaving a nice leak/hole in the master BR ceiling. Two, I was really impatient with the kids/Kate. The constant ASKING and NEEDING! Arrrrrgh! Again, my default mode with them/her seems to be "you're bothering me." I am such a work in progress and it's taking God a really long time to get through to me on this one. Three, it was hot after we turned the AC off. Four, the work is neverending. Shawn and I both feel like we can never just sit in our home and relax. There's always the guilt that we should be cleaning/fixing//laundering/doing.I want to remedy this feeling. We need and deserve to enjoy more of our life. :/

Going back up to re-read the bullet points again.

Hard time/Easy time

I've had a really hard time feeling motivated this week, at work and at home... and on the other hand, I've gotten a lot of things accomplished, too. Obviously (to me) it's partly that this is my first full week of work in a while, five L OOOOOO N G days after vacation week, July 4th week, and the bereavement week. Whiny baby, I am. And it's a quiet week at work, the first in a long time, too, with no big events to plan for. Still, even with no event, there are too many tasks and no "most important" one. I've had a "think about THIS" task on my to-do list all week and I just can't get interested enough in it to be creative. It's a "be creative" task. Ugh. The worst.

On the other hand, I've written several things I think are good and sent them off for approvals, and that feels good. I've cleaned up one website and answered ALL of my pending emails that needed answering. Drops in the bucket, Swistle would say.

At home, it's the same. While I've finally gotten the last of the kitchen boxes unpacked and put away (HOORAY!!), there are still three small ones in my bedroom that for some reason, I don't want to open. I got the kids' rooms finished for the most part (still haven't cracked open the Princess Costumes box in Kate's, as she mentioned to me yesterday, and I left a couple of 10-y-o boy JUNK-FILLED ones in Alex's, for him to go through) -- so relieved about that. Hung things on the walls, even. And, we got the living room mostly put together, books on a bookshelf! But the dining room/china cabinet and the bonus room, that I so desperately want to have as a pretty guest room and playroom combo, are nowhere near done. This weekend, I guess. Several nights, I have just flopped onto the couch and had no motivation at all. Totally lame.

This weekend, by the way, is the first weekend we won't be driving anywhere, since June 14. I may not even LEAVE the house, now that I think about it!

* * *

One fun thing about the move is that we now have some new restaurants we want Mom and Dad to try. Or, one restaurant in particular. We had eaten out so much in June (not to mention recovering from moving expenses) that we've been trying, this week and even last, NOT to eat out. But I'm itching for it. Today I rebelled -- didn't even BRING any lunch so I have no choice but to go somewhere. I brought my book, in case I can't find a lunch buddy (and kinda hope I don't).

Speaking of being a loner, yesterday I worked from home in the morning while the bug man came to spray. And let me just say how much I LOVE working from home. Especially in a new home that I still love! Man, I wish that was a regular gig for me, like it used to be (two days a week I worked from home, for about 3 years I think! Pretty sweet.) But unless something drastic changes at my current company, or unless I get drastic and go looking for something else, it isn't likely to happen. I chatted with my work-friend about it -- she who DOES work from home once a week and prevents me from doing it (IMO) -- and she said she "couldn't do it full-time." I get her point... I would definitely turn into a recluse who then got scared and intimidated if I had to go to a meeting or social event. But... I could do it half-time, for sure.

* * *

Alex comes home from camp today. It has been harder without him this week - I miss his laugh and his hugs and his conversation. Last year I remember him having withdrawal symptoms for a day or two after camp. Staring off into space. At least this year, we're prepared for it. Makes me remember "show withdrawal" from my community theater days. ;)

Ten years old

I can hardly believe this, but a little boy I know turns 10 today.

Ten years ago this hour, he was barely an hour old, in fact. I remember it still, very vividly.

Lordy, that just brought the hot tears I don't want to shed today, right up to the brims of my eyes. Choosing the category "AJ grows up" did, too.

It is - to risk over-dramatizing but also speak the absolute truth - a miracle to be a mother, and I'm so, so grateful that this boy is mine, and was my first try at motherhood. I've typed sentences and deleted them a few times, here... what to say next? I can't just list his amazing characteristics. It's not enough to put them into words, and doesn't explain at all how I feel...and it's not about me, anyway.

It just IS a wonderful, special milestone day in his life -- particularly since he's at camp, and went knowing he'd turn 10 while there, and thinking that was going to be awesome -- and I hope it's everything he hopes for. "King of the Cabin," he'll be.

I can't help myself reminiscing a little bit, and I can't wait to hug him when he comes home, ten.

 

Fourth of July weekend

What a lovely little 3-day weekend we had. I love it when a bank holiday falls on a Friday - seems like it hardly ever happens, but it did this year and it was perfect. Still kidless, Shawn and I made a big trip to Home Depot on Thursday night, and picked up some organizational and decorative things that we've been wanting, to the tune of $250. Yee-haw, spending money! We got a stainless garbage can, something we've drooled over weirdly and unnecessarily (it was only $69. But for years I've been all, "I'm not paying $69 for a trash can when we have one that is perfectly FINE!")... and we got some hanging/organizational stuff for the garage... and some new gardening gloves, and Round-Up, and, you know, Home Depot stuff. We were there until nearly 9:00! Came home and had scrambled eggs for "dinner." We Skyped with Kate. (Such a trying exercise. We love seeing her, of course, and the fun she was having in Florida was evident every time in her face -- so happy! -- but getting the technical details ironed out, and getting her to sit still in front of the camera and TALK to us, instead of flapping her arms and making goofy faces at herself, was difficult every time. It's definitely one reason I'm glad she's home. No fault of hers, of course - she's a kid in front of a video camera. Maybe next year?)

ANYWAY. We Skyped with Kate and then watched an episode or two of our current binge show, Orphan Black. It's on BBC America. VERY weird, but acted well and with a plotline that's unlike anything else on TV, about human cloning and genetic manipulation gone awry. Eek. We're nearly finished with the 1st season.

The next morning, the holiday, we tried a place I'd seen advertised when we moved to the new house -- a breakfast cafe. It's called Reveille Cafe and OMG it's our new favorite. Delicious. We can't wait to take guests there -- can't wait, even, to take Alex there once he returns from summer camp! (Here's a hint: We went again on Sunday!)

We spent the holiday with our friends at their sister's pool -- a gorgeous, salt-water pool with rocks and waterfalls. Snacking on pita chips, drinking cold beer, swimming (the boys, including Shawn, doing trick shots in a game of P-I-G with a basketball hoop in the pool), and later cooking out. I was grouchy about it, as I am about all outings before they happen, but it was a really suh-weet way to spend a day off. We're so thankful we have friends who'll orchestrate things like this for us. And I've got to stop being so negative about them; they always turn out nice! What is wrong with me?!

Here's the best surprise. That night, still July 4th, we were unpacking some boxes and organizing our living room, at the front of the house. We started hearing the pops and booms and knew people around the neighborhoods were shooting fireworks. On a whim, Shawn opened the front door to see if we could see anything... and we could! Over the treetops, we had a stellar view of someone's commercial display! All the big kinds -- starbursts and glittery dome-shaped sprays -- the kind of fireworks we usually watch on PBS. Right from our front porch! I can't wait until next year. I totally see us having a cookout at our place, then treating our friends to a no-horrendous-parking-required fireworks show! :) I am so pleased; something awesome we couldn't have known about our house, but here we are with it. A bonus. It made me want to thank our realtor again.

On Saturday we did one of our now-famous "Summer of 2014 driving trips." (Little joke. We've been driving a LOT.) We met Mom and Dad halfway and picked up a contradictory Kate -- we know she was happy to see us, but I also know she was sad that her week of being an only child, with endless love from grandparents and cousins to play with, had to end. After a big McDonald's lunch (hopefully the last for a while), she rode home with us, watching Frozen on the DVD player and enduring Mommy's snuggles and kisses the whole way home (I climbed in the back to love on her a while). ;) Couldn't help myself. Unfortunately, it ended with a sad, sad tantrum of a bathtime, which we all know was caused by Tired. Bathtime. I'm so over fighting with her about it.

Speaking of, on Sunday I wanted to get some things done -- I've been really itching to finish unpacking boxes in Alex's room while he's away -- and I felt like every reaction I had with Kate was negative. "In a MINUTE, I said." and "Kate, I just have to get a few things done and then I PROMISE I will play with you. [Exasperated sigh.]" I know she feels all of that and *I* felt the guilt of it by the end of the evening. I mean, I did play with her a bit -- sprayed her with the hose outside, put on a princess crown and went with her "to school" in the living room -- but I don't want the voice in her memory to be of me "too busy," always, for her. Or ordering her to pick up the crap she leaves everywhere (I wouldn't say "crap," but just, "KATE. How many shoes of yours are all over this floor? I JUST cleaned up your room.")

My little sweetheart. I want her to know deep down that I would do anything -- and NOT DO the things I would rather do -- for her. That she's more important than housework. (I want this for Alex, too, obviously, but this girl, my Kate, is challenging me to grow in ways he never has, just by virtue of her personality. [Extrovert, needs other people engaging with her all the time.]) Anyway, I talked myself down out of a super guilt-trip by deciding I just need to do the exact OPPOSITE of what feels natural. Just DON'T BE ME. Try to be Dominique, or my own Mom. This morning it worked. I tried to be my Granny. Woke her up (several times) by singing "Knock on the door, peeeeeeek in! Open the latch, wallllllllk in!" and trying to be silly, instead of exasperated. It's another lesson, a good one, as parenting tries to make me a better human being. Maybe this time it'll stick? I'm hopeful and grateful, actually.

Studying

Yesterday, and some this morning, I've been obsessing about studying the Primal diet. I was led to Mark Sisson, a hero of the Primal movement, via a blog post by Leo Babauta, one of my blogging and life heroes. It's not significant how I found Mark's Daily Apple, but, like Leo's site, I could spend HOURS reading the articles there. Days. (I've already spent hours.)

Nutrition, man. It's so interesting. The basic tenets of Sisson's Primal lifestyle are to cut out grains (poison!), eat real fats (saturated!), exercise moderately, and, oh yeah, go organic. Mostly I think his plan makes good sense -- even the organic part, for meats. (If the cow ate corn, then my burger is delivering corn to my system, and corn is a grain=not allowed.) I'm not sure I'm on-board for going organic on everything else -- he says pesticides and conventionally-grown plants/foods also harbor 'poisons,' but I say I CAN WASH THEM AND SAVE THE CASH. Plus I don't like buying into the hippie-dippy organic movement, even when it sometimes sorta seems to make sense. I just mean the idea that the business of agriculture has exploded in the last 1,000 years, and probably with some less-than-fully-transparent -- or "what we know now" practices that aren't good for our collective American health. You know?

I was all set to start the Primal 21-day challenge yesterday. And I still might try a basic lowering of my carbs to 50-100 grams/day, what Sisson calls the "easy weight-loss" carb zone.

Of course, I explained the system to Shawn and he said, "No chips? Impossible." Probably right, heh. But if I get 100 grams of grain a day.... hmm. Maybe possible. ;)

In general I like the idea and want to keep exploring it. The Before & Afters are pretty amazing, including two people I actually KNOW in real life (Mimi, a cousin, and Katherine, a former co-worker), who've gone Paleo (similar, but requires also giving up all dairy, and no way is that happening) to great success. Not to mention the "feel better, eat steak and fat, reduce risks of disease" part. It's similar to the book I read last summer, and was skeptical about, but now want to return to and think the science through some more.

Soooo interesting. Good thing I got a good fix of crackers-n-cheese, pasta, birthday cake and fried foods during the last month. ;)

---

We love our new house and we're fighting the urge to have it all perfectly decorated and show-worthy immediately. It's just not possible so I can't let myself get stressed about it. Little by little is how we're going to have to do it, BUT/AND, I mustn't wait until I have the perfect furniture in every nook and corner before I start decorating. I just need to make it nice NOW. Before we moved, we made our old house look nearly perfect, and I liked it. I want it back, PLUS. (Plus = being a more functional house in a nicer neighborhood.) But every day when I get home and open the back door, I'm so happy that this house is our house! It smells nice. It looks clean (ish), or will after the boxes are all gone. (We still have lots of boxes.) It's bright and I feel happy there. :)

---

The kids are away! Kate's with her g'parents in P'cola (hi guys), and Alex is at WinShape for 2 weeks! I miss them, but wow, our days are simple, and nice, without them for a while. I've spent time in my kitchen just padding around, I've ENJOYED cooking the last two nights, because there's no time limit, and no other demands for my attention. Just. Cook. It's bliss. And tonight is date night! Meet me after work, just like a couple of youthful singles!

---

Work work work, hasn't let up. There are a hundred things I should be doing right now, and I still couldn't catch up. Every time I type that, I think I'd better get off of Blogger and get back to it. Dammit.

You know you're a grown-up when

I have to take my laptop with me on vacation next week. Unfortunately, we had another hiccup to our daily round, and had to attend my father-in-law's funeral Monday and Tuesday in Savannah. I don't want to treat it lightly, because a funeral never is, and his had its emotional moments. But I don't know that my blogging about it is appropriate or necessary. At least not right now.
I'm trying to think of all these days off (sick leave for Kate, bereavement, moving days) as God gifting me with more non-work time than usual this summer. It's nice in that way and I do recognize it.

But what I'm mulling over right now is my job. Sigh, this job. I don't know what I hoped it would be... a little more glamorous? A little less like a peon? Yes, a little less like a peon slash worker-bee slash dump-ee was what I was hoping for. (Not that I'm "better" than a worker-bee, of course. But you know? You want to advance a little bit.) And that has not panned out. In one publication, one entity, I have a nice title of "Editor," but it does not carry any authority, and that bums me out a bit.

I do good work here. My colleagues thank me for it annually with good reviews, and I earn a very good paycheck. I know that work is work, and there are things that are sometimes unpleasant about it. It's not called "play." I don't believe work will ever be more fun than it is work. That's a farce.

But I don't know if this place is where I'm meant to land for The Duration. I'm tired of the Drama of this place. So much stupid drama. And I'm tired of the excuse of "the down economy" that has pared us to so few people per "department." How can you call it a department if there are only 2 people, and one of those (not me, thank goodness) is serving a role in a different department as well? My job is not all-tech, nor all-creative. It's both, all the time, plus some secretarial work thrown in for good measure. I truly wish I had a simpler job description. Much simpler. I used to think I'd make a great Receptionist for some big company. And I'd keep a novel under my desk for when it was quiet. And I could do freelance writing on the side, to make up the pay I'd have to relinquish to step down to that kind of calm work. (Ha. I'm sure it's not actually calm.) I doubt that job exists anymore. I know our receptionist does much more than just answer the phones and "put you through to his voice mail."(Well, besides that I don't want to be a receptionist and be chained to the phone. All right, fine.)

And also, I just bought a new house, so I definitely need this level of salary. But I do find myself wondering if I could go to a recruiter and find a company that runs itself better, where my skills would be equally appreciated. I don't know.

I have to take my laptop with me to the beach next week and check emails every day, at least. Not because I'm a very important executive, but because I have an over-supply of tasks that only I can do. So I'm punished for that, by not being able to actually take a true vacation.

It sucks, and it's normal for the American worker, and that sucks. (At least one cousin will also be working during our vacation week, so there's that. And in years past, other cousins have, too. Misery loves company, I suppose.)

There was a surprise party

...and it wasn't even a result of my impolitely requesting one right here on this blog.

Evidently, my Darling Husband began thinking about this, and told my parents to plan for it, LAST year around my birthday. He is so smart. And kind. And good.

Through all the stress of moving he has also been coordinating this.

It was wonderful, of course. He rented a space, even, and sent Evites to my friends for whom he had to go digging up email addresses. Even if I HAD known about it, which I did not, it was still SUPER surprising to see friends gathered at the top of the stairs, yelling, "Surprise!" (I laughed and burst into tears, naturally.) There were girlfriends from our kids' school (it's hard to know what to call these friends, btw; "school friends?" No... "Mom friends?" I don't know. Anyway, my current girlfriends whose kids attend my kids' school. Ha.), previous job friends, current job friends, friends from college (!), and Mom and Dad peeking through the crowd to ultimately surprise me all the way from Florida.

I.

Loved.

It.

There are only a few instances in life when a person gets to feel so beloved and special, and I'll float on this high of knowing people "like me, they really like me," for a long time to come. And anytime after that, if I'm feeling down. I'll never forget it. Black "Over the Hill" signs and all. I'm so happy for Shawn for pulling it off! He didn't tell the kids, so they were confused/surprised, as well, which I think is so fun. I racked up a lot of bottles of wine! Wooo! But really, more important, I was so, so happy. It was perfect.

So, hello FORTY. You're looking great so far.


*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *


This week, summer has hit full stride. I mean, it's been stupid-busy since the kids got out of school because of the move. We haven't had a "regular" summer week yet - and maybe we won't at all, this year. Last week was hijacked by two things: One, I had a 2-day meeting on the other side of town, for which I stayed in a hotel, Monday-Tuesday. It felt really weird to have just moved into the house and then pack a bag to spend the night away from everyone, for work. (The meeting itself was mostly awful/boring, to boot.) Tuesday while I was away, Kate had a fever/headache and had to stay "home" from camp, i.e., at the office with Daddy. Wednesday she seemed to feel better, and it was a swimming day for her, so she went to camp. But that evening she was feverish again, so I kept her home with me TH, took her to the doc and she was diagnosed with strep. So we worked from home together again on Friday.

THIS week, Alex is at his Comic Book Art & Manga camp at KSU. I'm so excited for him, ...and apprehensive. He's really wanting to learn some drawing techniques and loves everything about Manga. I know that if there are other kids in the class who are already excellent artists, he's going to feel "less than." This is just the way he is. But I hope, hope, hope he'll enjoy it and do well, and learn. We've had the "don't compare yourself to others" discussion but it's a tough lesson to ever learn (pretty sure I haven't fully learned it yet; pretty sure most adults never do).

NEXT week, they're off to Pensacola for a week with the grands and cousins. Then: BEACH WEEK!

Many reasons June is my favorite. ;)

Grateful x Infinity

Today, I am so very grateful that all I am required to do is sit at my desk at work. After several nights' worth, and five full days over Memorial Day Weekend and through yesterday, of packing, cleaning, standing, pacing, worrying, packing, and oh-the-deep-cleaning, this is bliss. Let me say that again: TODAY, I am very very grateful to be at my desk, in my cubicle, in my computer job, sitting on my tail and not packing anything. ;)

It's only a small break, of course. After work today, I know I'll get right back into it with the unpacking, but guess what? It will be in our new house. It was so fun to take OUR keys there yesterday, after the closing, and see it empty. Other people's stuff -- even really nice stuff -- can get in the way of seeing the home itself, you know? And we were happy because this is definitely an upgrade. I forgot what fixture or feature made us say it, but we did, out loud. Even though we lost having a basement (to store a lot of crap when we don't know where else to put it), and even though the neighborhood is pool-less. ;) Upgrade. I feel like I want to explain that more: We don't need the house that many of our acquaintances, and even friends, seem to have. The brand-new, custom-kitchen, all-hardwoods basic petite mansion. And we are financially very conservative - we probably could have afforded a lot more than we bought, loan-wise. All we wanted was to get out of our declining neighborhood, and add a guest bedroom. And that's what we did. We also got granite counter tops as a bonus (but we gave up our stainless appliances). Does that help tell you? It's a step up, it isn't a leap -- and I am RELIEVED about that. I wouldn't know what to do with myself in a home like some of the kids' friends have. I guess this is what happens when you live in a metro area with a lot of giant companies' HQs like Coke and Home Depot and UPS. LOTS of people make LOTS of money. Anyway, we are so, so pleased with ourselves and excited to make the new home OUR HOME.

And to sit on my bottom today.

Shawn, bless him, ended up managing the move-out AND the move-in (today), on his days off. I don't think I need to record the whole, long story... well, no, it'll be funny someday.

We had planned it out so well. We thought the movers would be coming Tuesday morning. On Monday when I finally got a confirmation call about our appointment, I was told we had "the afternoon slot" instead. Ooookay. I took it as a gift, because there was still a lot to do. Tuesday, the kids went to school for a last 1/2-day, Shawn went to work, and I went to work finishing all the details. Stripped the beds of the comforters and sheets, and boxed those. Put all the lamps in bubble wrap and boxes. Used my last big box on the pantry/non-perishables, and everything fit exactly. I even had 15 minutes' time to deliver the little gifts I'd gotten for 2 of our neighbors, and to say goodbye. I was walking back home at 11:30. The movers were supposed to show up or call me around noon. Perfection. But they didn't arrive. By 2:00 my patience was out, so I called and they said they'd be there "around 4:15...or 5:00. Or 6:00 at the latest." And I blew up in the customer service guy's ear. I let him know how very displeasing that was... I had taken the day off work! I had things to do tomorrow (Wednesday), not to mention the SALE OF THE HOME, and could NOT reschedule this! And he placated me with "I understand, Ma'am. We'll send a crew just as soon as they're available."

Shawn got home around 6:00 and told me to take the kids -- who had been so good since coming home at noon, waiting with me -- and go eat dinner and go to the hotel. I had used the time waiting around to scrub bathrooms, clean the fridge, and as much other stuff as I could think of that wasn't the floors. So I was wiped, and I left. The movers got to our house at 7:00 pm #AREYOUKIDDINGME. Shawn was later complimentary to them, telling me how hard they worked, and how fast. (Whatever.) They had the truck filled to the brim by 11:00 pm. But guess what? They didn't get everything -- the truck wasn't quite big enough. Hahahaha! Ohmygod.

I'm done talking about it. Soon, distant memories. We have been exhausted the last two nights and sleeping on lumpy pillows in a crappy hotel. So our first night sleeping in our own beds again -tonight!- is going to be awesome. I can't wait. This story arc and "category: real estate" is mostly closed, I guess. What a relief, and what a gift to ourselves. I've had thoughts about it being serendipitous that this has all happened just days before I turn 40. An exciting beginning to Life, Part 2.

The last 2 weeks in our old house

(I have to write down all my feelings about Kate's amazing performance from last Friday. It's captured on Facebook, of course, with everyone's sweet comments, but gosh, it was such a parent moment. Every time I watch the video I relive that high! So, someday soon I will pour my heart out about it.)

It's a mess in our house right now and there's very little we can do about it. That has been hard. I don't feel like we have a place to put all the packed boxes. We HAVE packed boxes... did some more last night. Every night, we must. I've got to stop sitting down at the kitchen table after school. Unless the kids need me to help with homework, I need to be packing.

This weekend I need to get paper plates/cups and we'll start using them for all our meals so I can pack dishes. I got bubble wrap and more packing paper yesterday. Shawn tells me you can write packing stuff off taxes, so I have to remember to put the receipts where I can find them next January! The kids' rooms are... well, they're still full of stuff, but Kate's got a sleepover this Saturday night so I will be in her room until the wee hours to FINISH IT. I think they're going to each get one bag of playthings to keep out, and everything else must be boxed. Poor thing -- she isn't quite understanding that she does get to KEEP her stuff. She asked me if she would still have her lamp and her night table, and she's expressed dismay that I'm taking all her toys away. (Toys she hardly ever plays with, I MIGHT ADD.)

I can't figure out how/when to pack our suitcases for the 2-3 days of moving. The movers come on Tuesday the 27th. We're planning to stay in a hotel that night, and won't have keys to the new house until the 28th around 11am. After the Edenfield closing at 9, we'll go back to Zachary Woods to clean it all up and get the final items we need, and take them to the new house. Probably multiple trips.

I've scheduled move-in for the 29th because we'll have the ZW closing at 4:00 pm on the 28th -- and I don't think we'll have enough time to move in, during that window between closings. So we'll stay in a hotel the 28th, as well. I don't know if that's reasonable or wise, but I think the kids will think it's fun, actually. We thought about doing sleeping bags in whichever house we have access to, but 2 nights of sleeping bags on the floor would be miserable for Shawn and me, we realized. OW. It hurts to imagine.

Lots lots lots to still do. Work is stupid busy for both Shawn and me. Inconvenient of work, n'est-ce pas???

Stage mom

Tonight is Kate's first singing solo. She was asked several weeks ago, after sitting near the drama teacher at our school, to sing the special solo before the middle school musical -- apparently this is a thing they've started doing, where they ask a younger kid to warm up the audience with an awww-worthy song. Last time it was a first-grader. I've not told everyone I know at school for fear of sounding braggy, but yesterday her teachers asked her to stand up and tell the class her big news. So today I've been getting messages from the moms, saying, "Sienna said Kate's singing tonight at the play? Is she?" Hee hee. I'm in heaven. I'm so excited for her. And nervous for her. And all of the feels! And Grandmommy and Papa Joe, I promise to take video.

Posts I've started but never finished, and other things - 7QT

I still read Conversion Diary's 7 Quick Takes posts, but I obviously don't participate in the link-up anymore since I'm not publicly blogging. Her format fits this time, though -- I've started at least 3 posts recently that never have gotten finished and I just feel like sharing today, random (and whiny) though it may be.

--- 1 ---

Relating to Others. I had some thoughts going on this topic last week, when there were a couple of days where my coworkers and I barely said two words to each other for 8 full hours. Mostly, it's because we all have so much damn work. There's just not any let-up in this company. I don't know if it's the economy, and we're all doing too many jobs because we can't afford to hire more people, or if it's just our weird policies and procedures that have evolved over time, but some days I hate it. I work with nice people... it's just that we don't take the time to talk to each other. Maybe good morning, how was your weekend. MAYBE "come look at this funny YouTube video. Oh, and there were other thoughts included in this about Smart phones, and Facebook, and how they've also ruined us for relating to each other. Example: I NEVER call friends anymore, just to say hi and see how they're doing. I think, "She's too busy," and "I hardly know him/her anymore." Sad. Even my friends who were persistent about calling 3 or 4 years ago (and by persistent, I mean slightly annoying) have stopped altogether, and it turns out I'm kinda sad about it. This world, man. It's a little messed up.

--- 2 ---

Kids' Activities. Good heavens, this move is badly timed. End of school and summer camp haven't even been on my radar, so I'm late, late, late planning them. I think we've figured out most of how they'll spend the summer. MOST. Kate will have three weeks in Florida, thanks to her awesome grandparents (thanks, Grandparents!), and Alex will have two. Then Alex will go to his sleepaway camp for 2 weeks -- ON HIS 10th BIRTHDAY, sob, sob!!! He'll also be going to a Manga/Anime camp at the local university sometime in June, something I know he reeeeeeeally wants to do. I've got my eye on a week of Theater camp for both of them. (Can't help myself!) And for the in-between times, they'll just have to go to their old daycare camp and hopefully get to go on a few field trips. I wanted one of their second cousins to be their nanny for a week or two, and take them to the pool and stuff, but now that our new neighborhood won't have a pool... besides that, I didn't want to tie the girls down. They're 18-19, I doubt they really want to babysit for 5 days straight.

--- 3 ---

Reading. I bought three new books on my Kindle last week and had high hopes for getting back into reading. I've missed it! I haven't read anything in MONTHS, besides my Facebook feed and blogs when I don't feel like working, and magazine articles. I miss books. But with all the packing to do, it's not looking real good for the rest of this spring, either. The books I bought are:

Astonish Me, by Maggie Shipstead -- I know nothing about the author except what I read in the description and the book jacket, last time I was in a bookstore. But it's about the backstage of professional ballet, so I know I'll love it. And it's fiction. Haven't bought fiction in a great while, surprisingly!

Something Other Than God, by Jennifer Fulwiler -- I don't know why I didn't pre-order this first thing, but I didn't. But obviously I love the author, wish I knew her in person, and atheist-to-Catholicism stories are AWESOME. Can't wait to get it next Tuesday.

Five Lessons from the Carmelite Saints that Will Change Your Life, by Connie Rossini -- on Jennifer Fulwiler's recommendation. I think I put it in my Cart at the beginning of Lent when I still thought "Maybe I'll make Lent count."

--- 4 ---

Lent didn't happen much for me. I was very busy TRUSTing God about real estate (side eyes: was I really?), so I didn't concentrate on anything else, prayer-wise. I ate my usual amounts of chips and salsa even though I had wanted to give them up. Bah. Try again next year? Or does Lent even need to be "fruitful?"

--- 5 ---

Webelos Woods campout. Shawn's taking Alex and his den of Webelos to a serious camping event this weekend. I am so impressed with Shawn, first of all. He doesn't even like camping, and yet he's been on 7, I think, campouts in the last 4 years, with a few more on the way. This one, he's kind-of in charge. Being a Leader and all. He's had the extra stress of planning the menu, getting the food itself, coordinating with who has the coolers and other supplies that belong to the Pack, assigning tents and activities to all the campers for his Den.... it's been a lot. He doesn't like this stuff. And yet, he's doing it (is even good at it - he was in Production/Project Management for a while, after all). So this campout is specifically for teaching the kids to DO IT THEMSELVES. They've all been assigned particular duties, and once they get there, the Leaders aren't even supposed to help. Pitching the tent, cooking the food -- all on the kids' shoulders. No help unless there's an emergency. Alex is the "Grubmaster." I'm so excited for the boys. Kids these days need to be allowed to do for themselves! I think it's awesome. (Profound.)

--- 6 ---

and Girls' Weekend! With the two males out of the house, Kate and I... don't have many plans except she's sleeping in my bed with me. :) Hee. I hope we'll go out to a nice dinner together, maybe invite a friend, and we have a birthday party to attend. She willingly told me that the birthday boy "likes" her... and she also likes him... "kind-of, I mean, I don't want to talk about it!" !!! Hee hee. I'm looking forward to our time together, even though we already spend a lot of time together, she and I.

--- 7 ---

Quick Takes are never that quick, actually! Wowee, this seems long. I've just had conversations with our real estate agent and we're getting closer to having things buttoned up. We might not even come out as poor as we originally thought (although summer camps don't help! Geez!) We're trying to coordinate moving times, talking about the final clean-up before we leave... at Easter dinner I said to the kids, "This is the last holiday meal we'll have in this house..." and none of us was very sad, I don't think. Shrug of shoulders. I've had some mixed emotions telling people, but have been trying to think of it as EXPANDING our circle, not moving it altogether from one place to the other. It's all going to be good, because there's a reason for everything. Yes. It is.

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

Calendars and tasks

I'm plowing through articles for work websites. Had to do a big "brain dump" this morning to get all the tasks out of my head, and I think it helped. I set a timer, tuned everything else out, and just typed.

Get the dry cleaning
Drop off the salad for Teacher Appreciation
Pay this bill
Scan that document
Write the behind the scenes article (work)
Fix the product description file
Call about moving truck
Sign kids up for summer camps
etc etc etc

There's a lot to do. The brain dump helps, though. Sometimes I do it on paper but I'm trying to break myself of that habit (again). So once the tasks are in Outlook (my planner of choice), I can schedule them on the Outlook calendar, and then my time is spoken for. Like this:

The theory is, you only have so much time in a day, so prioritize/schedule what fits in the allotted time and plan to do the rest later. I like it. It sometimes even seems like it gives me extra time, because, for instance, writing an email doesn't necessarily take the whole 30 minutes. I just wish I could stick to it.

Oh well, productivity once in a while is better than productivity never. (I think.) And a generally zen "everything is okay, it will all get done when it's supposed to" attutide helps as well.

If you've looked at the time stamp on this post you'll see that I'm supposed to be making website updates (TBCS is a website) right now. Heh. Guess I'll go do that and then I can reward myself with a trip to Target for Kleenex and TP. Woo! Lifestyles of the rich and famous! ;)

Half caffeinated this morning

It's the Monday after an at-home Spring Break, so you can imagine exactly how the kids and I all feel today. (Well, except Alex, who had a field trip. Lucky duck) I've combed through my work emails once or twice, and had one catch-up meeting already -- all without coffee, which I didn't want this morning. I bought cheap Folgers coffee last week in a fit of "we are running out of money" related to the house sale and subsequent purchase... and it's awful. I didn't think I had become such a coffee snob but it turns out I have. If I don't even want ANY coffee you know it's bad. I brought a big glass of ICED TEA from home this morning, a complete sacrilege.

I'm considering Office Coffee for a mid-morning perk-up.

Anyway, work today is going to be horrible, obviously, after a delightfully lazy week. The only thing I had on my agenda, really, was Find us A House. I woke up when the birdies got so loud I couldn't stand it anymore (around 7:30 most days), took showers only when I had to, did yoga in front of my south-facing window every single morning while the kids watched Disney Channel, and barely did a chore. Oh, and we did find a house. (Were you here just for the update?? Hee.)

We looked at quite a few -- the poor kids (mine and the agent's), being dragged around town all week -- and last Wednesday we put an offer on the prettiest house we've seen. That much is true. It is move-in ready, all updated, and very open, bright, and pretty. It's not Edenberry. We're both still crushed over the loss of that one, and we can't deny it. But it's lovely, LOVELY.

4 BR, 3.5 BA, built in 2000, granite kitchen (and bathrooms!), hardwoods downstairs, a rocking-chair front porch, and a big, flat backyard. There's a small office off the master bedroom. Walk-in closets. The only thing we're not getting is a basement/media room, which wasn't one of our original requirements but we came to think of as something we'd like. No matter; we're both somewhat glad of the reason to pare down and simplify, and try to keep it that way. I take it back, there's one other thing it doesn't have: a Swim/Tennis subdivision. However, the next-door neighbor has a pool (score!) and if we get really determined, I've already inquired about the nearby country club, and it's only $40 a month to swim over there. When we thought about it, we realized we only really swam 4-5 times each of the last 2 summers, in our current neighborhood pool. With rainy days and working full-time, it's just not something we're able to spend the whole summer doing -- not like when I was a kid and we swam nearly every day in summer. We (the kids) swim a lot during our annual time in Florida, and at camps, and we'll make it work.

It's slightly farther northwest than our current location, which panicked me late in the night Thursday after we'd already made an offer and nearly signed on the dotted line, but the good thing about this is, it's a better high school district, and full of families. My agent assured me we will love the community up there, including youth activities for our kids based at the H.S., which sounds promising. Lots of people live up there and it's just as "suburbia" as we're used to, with Super Target (upgrade!) and a Publix on either end of our main road. We predict it will add about 10 minutes to commute times, but those still won't involve the interstates which most metro Atlantans can't say.

We got it for an excellent price, exactly what we were comfortable spending.

We are waiting on paperwork now. I'm freaked out about packing/moving/logistics at the moment, because both closings take place on the same day. How to schedule the truck? I have no idea.

Will keep you posted.

Not meant to be, but...

I totally jinxed it. (No I didn't, I don't believe in jinxes. .......but I totally did.)

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. We KNOW this. We should have known this.

Crushing disappointment.

Big blow.

Don't f*king count your chickens.

Why did we do that?? Let ourselves get emotional?!

Hard to motivate now. I just looked at all the previous listings we've been given to consider, and none of them is as good as that house was. Ugh. Stupid.

Also, the seller is going to get their karma, too. They went w/other offer because those people needed to be out of their house next week (=less risk?). I know because I was in their house that they have a LOT of stuff to get done before next WEEK, and I think they're going to regret it. Not that I wish it on them, but.

Sigh. Just some thoughts going through my head this morning.