I'm not sure if I ever told you, but I had a New Year's Resolution, supplied by my husband. He suggested that I try to stop seeing everything he does and says as negative. Exhibit A:
Him: Hm, I guess we need to hold the cord of the vacuum up, so it doesn't keep getting frayed by the brushes.
Me: Honey, you've said that before and I DO lift it up. Sorry, gees. Grrr.
Him: I didn't mean YOU! I'm the one who vacuumed last.
Exhibit B:
Him: (watching me as I tie a scarf around my waist)
Me: WHAT. Does this look stupid or something?
Him: Honey, I was just watching you do that. I didn't know you knew how to tie that knot. Relax.
Exhibit C:
Me: I'm sorry this dinner isn't very creative; I know you don't like Kraft Mac-n-Cheese but I just couldn't come up with....
Him: Why do you always assume I'm criticizing you in my head? This dinner is JUST FINE. I know you're busy. You do a great job.
So I really owe him an apology about this. Three months in to 2006 and I'm still doing it. I don't know if it stems from previous relationships I've had, where the guy was always out to tease me -- two different guys I dated did this, in fact -- but I always presume that I'm being made fun of (in the scarf example), or picked on. And the fact is, my dear husband is so kind and treats me so carefully, that he would NEVER be that way. I KNOW this... but still, I let that weird bit of low self-esteem get me every so often. Especially when I'm tired.
And there's your glimpse into the shadows of my psyche for today!
2 comments:
I'm glad to know *I'm* not alone in this! Thanks to both of you.
Miss Issues, I've done a bit better just by waiting one moment before I respond... so if he asks, "Did you vacuum AND dust?" Instead of automatically freaking out (which is my natural response to that question: No, HON-EY, I only vacuumed. I'm not as good a cleaner as you. Sigh. Grump, grump. Feel bad about self...) I am trying to Take a Breath First. And then just state the facts. And care less. ;) You're right - it's a delicate balance between being "real" and being kind, sometimes!
I seem to have some vacuum issues, no?
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