Krissy called it

I need to learn to keep my trap shut. Remember this?

AJ development log

Geez, do I sound like a downer!

I've been neglecting the important task of keeping logs on AJ's development here, lately. But my mom brought me a dusty 3-ring binder this weekend with handwritten details about mine and my sister's developments -- what would have been her mommy-blog, had there been such a thing in 1974. :) In it, I learned that my sister had a pretty bad ear infection in late 1976, and that I was crawling by 9 months. My pediatrician typed up a little report at every visit, which Mom saved, and he always typed, "If all goes well, return in another year." HA! I love that. "If all goes well."

So anyway, it made me want to keep notes. I guess when they hit 2-and-a-half, it isn't that they're doing NEW things so much anymore (although the ability to find "Caillou" On Demand by pushing several different buttons, all in the correct sequence, is certainly a NEW skill), they're just doing the same things FASTER and BETTER and more smoothly.

1. We now speak in long sentences, like this. "Can I get it mylelf? If lou hold me up I will get dat, Mama."

"Lou (you) may put the CD in Daddy's CD player and then I will push 'Start.'"

"Let go play in Polie's room, Mama. Come on, follow me in 'dere and we will get my ambimals out."

2. We can take off a shirt all by ourselves and can almost push pants down, too -- getting undressed! Fun times! Especially fun if you leave your shirt half-on, half-off on your head, with the sleeves hanging down like doggie ears. Woof, woof.

3. We're learning how to brush our teeth. Or, more to the point, how to spit. I even got some Dixie cups and the classic dispenser for his bathroom. So far, AJ takes a little drink of rinse water, shakes his head back and forth, then spits it out. But it's a start.

4. We use napkins at mealtimes. Sometimes multiple napkins, but hey, better than none! Until about 3 months ago, he was still calling it a "nanny." Now he can say the actual word if he chooses to pronounce all those sounds. (Sometimes I think he's just being lazy.) He's also using his fork and spoon much more easily, learning when to scoop and when to spear something. Also learning that WE DO NOT BANG OUR FORK, AJ.

5. We like Mac and Cheese! I lamented when he was a bit younger that he didn't like the big blue box. What kid doesn't like this stuff? Is he demented?? Answer: Hooray! We ARE related after all. Other favorite foods: cinnamon oatmeal, fish sticks, gummy snacks in any form or fashion, and PB&J.

6. We love to push buttons and run MACHINES. And by that I mean, CD players and DVD players. Cars or dump trucks? Meh. Could take 'em or leave 'em. But this kid definitely wants his MTV. He carries his 4 CDs from room to room; whichever one we're in, he wants to play the music in that stereo, right now. And then when it's done, put the CD back in its case. Oh, the cases! The cases are going to be the death A bit tiresome for me, but I'm glad he has an ear for tunes.

7. Two and a half means the aforementioned tantrums are going strong. This too shall pass this too shall pass this too shall pass...

Molars I guess.

Oh, people, my head is SO not in the game right now.

My head is still spinning on the floor of AJ's bedroom, where last night he had a mental breakdown that should possibly have been recorded for use in child psycho-analysis classrooms, it was that out of hand. Out of his mind. Out of body experience. He threw himself back and forth, scratched at his own face, kicking and punching me, and cried, cried, cried 'til MY heart actually broke into pieces and I cried, too. I know that he's TWO and can't control his emotions or verbalize what it means to just feel crappy for no apparent reason. We have used every technique we can think of. Timeout. Speak calmly. Distract, distract, distract. "No more movies." Hold him tight. Pop his butt when he blatantly disobeys. Nothing gets through. It's "Hold me," then, "NOOOOOOdon'tHOLDmeIdiin'tWANTthaaaat..." Inexplicable. After a quick screaming bath I was down on the floor with him while he thrashed around; I suddenly took his shoulders in my hands, and looked into his eyes.... they were not his happy, sweet soft doe-eyed brown ones that I know. They were from somewhere else. He was heaving with raspy "WAah, wah, wah" sobs, and I told him, "You're scaring mama. You're going to hurt yourself." And I think it was as bad as any parenting day can get. In the end his blankie, the one that always comforts, helped him to take a breath, and we shut off all the lights in the room and I just held him close and whispered, and he finally lost his battle with whatever demon seemed to be inside him. I have to describe it that way, because that is how it felt. That bad. I try to breathe deep about it and say, "He's two." But it feels much, much heavier than that this morning.

It was maybe a tougher weekend than we would have liked. And yet, I really, really wish I were with him right now in case he needs me.

Thursday 13 number 6

Thirteen Things about This Ca-Razy Week Or: "Good GraciousSakesAlive I Am Tired." 1. Monday AJ woke up with fever of 102.7, so despite having stayed up late to bake a yummy Chocolate Ribbon Bundt Cake in time for our January office birthday party, I stayed home. (Sent the cake with Husband.) 2. Monday night I asked Husband to keep the baby monitor on his side of the bed since I had to leave for the airport before dawn the next morning. But I heard a teensy sick-baby sound at 1:47am, and after checking on him, didn't go back to sleep until at least 3:15. This mother's super-sonic hearing-thing sometimes amazes me. And what's with the father's lack thereof? I even turned the volume UP on that stupid monitor! 3. The alarm I had set (for 5:00pm, it turns out) didn't chime on Tuesday morning. Something in me jerked, and my arm flopped over and knocked into the headboard, which is what woke me exactly at 5:00am. Weird. 4. I chose to walk to Terminal A instead of riding the train in Atlanta's airport. To get my exercise, you know. At the top of the stairs I learned Gate 32 was ALL the way at the end of the hall, so I got to walk another half mile or so. Bully for me, and my feet hurt goshdangit. 5. My laptop is entirely too heavy to lug around airports. When are they going to make a REAL feather-weight one? 6. We met with close to seventy people, in thirty-minute increments, over the course of our 2-day visit. And can I just share with you? People are funny. Not so much ha-ha. 7. College cafeteria food, even when it's decent, is just never all that fantastic. 8. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the dryer finally died its impending death. Husband was planning to wash the sofa cushion cover, which had been puked upon by AJ when he was sick Monday. That cover remains Febreezed all to heck, but unwashed. Eew. 9. Our 8:00pm return flight was slightly delayed. Go figure. 10. My dear parents are driving up tonight, bearing furniture that is meaningful to me from my Grandmother's home. I am anxious to curl up in my Mommy's arms and let her pet me and make it all better. 11. Mom, Dad? The house is a wreck and the couch smells like puke. 12. I haven't worked out in a week, even though I took my shoes on my trip for use in the hotel Fitness Centeryeahright. My knees hurt because of not exercising. I am officially old. 13. I (am a VERY good whiner, aren't I? And I) believe I am going to drink some quality beer on Friday night. :) Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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From the road

I think I could fill an entire notebook with my thoughts about traveling for business, here, for the first time since AJ was born. But I'll only bore you with the three topmost, distilled in my brain while I was taking a hot shower after a day that started 5:07am (alarm didn't go off, but something startled me awake, thank goodness).

1. There are nice people everywhere. One of the women we're meeting with announced she's 33, so I know she's in my peer-level-group-thingy, and she completely reminds me of one of my closest friends, Melissa. It's so comforting to have people like that when you're on a trip you'd rather not be on. (which is ANY business trip, don't you think?) She has the cutest round little East Carolina southern accent, and I'm thinking, they're picturing me as some "agency" person from big-city Atlanta, but really? I grew up surrounded by the love of people with a similar accent (West Texas). Kind, good simple people, just like here in Nowhere, NC (their words, not mine). My boss? Nowhere, AL. We're the same, all of us.

2. The Chicken Marsala was not the right dinner choice. I'd give it a C-plus. The chocolate mousse pie? Definitely the right choice.

3. Why am I in this hotel bathroom on a business trip shaving my legs, really? In a word, motherhood. Perpetuating the species. See, back when women started liberating ourselves and all that, getting ourselves careers... they also decided they should shave their legs in an attempt to woo the lovers/husbands with soft, silky skin, right? Wooing. For the purpose of what? (whispers) s-e-x. For the purpose of what? Besides it being all kinds of fun of course? Well, Babies. The biological, instinctive reason. Motherhood. Liberation allowed us to do all this, including shaving and cutting our hair short, but for what purpose? The same purpose women've always had. Survival of the species. (Did anyone follow that? I'm not sure even I did.)

Clearly, I need to go to bed.

A Musical! In Prime-Time!

Scrubs is without a doubt, one of my favorite shows, and last night it blew me away with its brand-new episode:

A MUSICAL.

Yes, I was a musical-theater junkie in high school. But who knew that all of these actors could actually SING? Even Dr. Cox, which was a shocker. (Not that I know anything about their backgrounds, I'm not that kind of uber-fan.) The music and lyrics were evidently written by the same folks who did "Avenue Q," which I'd never heard of until today, but, hello, a Tony winner? I'm a believer already.

My favorite part was, right before the first commercial, they ended with JD (Zach Braff) closing a blue hospital curtain kind-of in slow-motion. Get it? Curtain? Act One? BRILLIANT. (When I said that to hubby, he called me a Nerd.)

Here, take a look at this trailer. The quality's not great but you'll see what I mean.



(To top that off, The Office and 30 Rock were high-larious last night, too. Man, I love good TV!)

I am feeling :~|

So, to explain. Monday, I was told that I would be in North Carolina next week, for work. I was told, not politely asked could I please plan on this trip as part of my schedule. It felt a little like being suddenly handed a heavy, oversized box as the other person bends down to tie his shoe. Kind-of poorly executed, awkward. But the boss gets to do what he wants I suppose. It's happening a lot lately, I'm getting scheduled for conference calls or meetings without warning. I don't appreciate it.

It isn't that this particular one-night trip is a huge deal. But it is a shock to my system when I haven't business-traveled in, ohsay approximately 30 months. Since the day AJ was born, perhaps. Actually the company has very nicely let me skate by without travel, and I'm grateful. Especially to you, sdw. But I suppose it IS part of the job description: "occasional travel," and it's time for me to return fully to that responsibility.

I'm coming to terms with it. Maybe not in the way you think I mean. At any rate, next Tuesday night I will be staying at a Holiday Inn Express and making my very own coffee on the bathroom vanity, and I'm thinking that, plus an expense-account dinner, might help me feel better about it all. Might.

Wish I'd thought of this!

Man, the Internet is so cool. While everyone else was busy making resolutions to GET SKINNY, Beth was busy making resolutions to Do Good. Now, the imperative phrase "Do Good" speaks to me on a special level (Melessa! wink!), but it's so simple and kind and perfect that everyone should say it to themselves at least few times a day. Do good. Just, hey: do good.

Beth wants, specifically, to do good for kids, and she was inclined to ask everyone else to make this little bitty change in their lives, too. Now it's grown and... oh, just go over there and read this. Then think about what little thing you could do. I don't feel like I have a ton of extra cash floating around, but I did send some cards to some sick kids, and man, was it fun to draw little stick-figure cheerleaders on them and write, "way to go! I'm rooting for you! woo hoo!" in little bitty block letters. Made me feel really good, and hopefully it will do the same for them.

p.s. Somegeek, please explain to me how to make the badge over there to the right be a link. I can't get around blogger's widget tags to add the href code. Rrrrrrr! A programmer I am not.

Sunny, with a chance of sunshine

This weekend was gorgeous in Georgia ("Joe-Juh," AJ says). Seventy degrees or more, and nothing but sun in my neighborhood. Besides that, it was a tantrum-free zone: AJ managed to stay in his happiest mood, three days running. A miracle! He sat with us during dinner. He ran around the house and the yard, singing at the top of his lungs sometimes, playing his heart out. He entertained himself with his letters (fridge magnets), or colors and a coloring book, or Mr. Potato Head. If he did something we asked him not to and we responded, he accepted the "punishments" (No Blue's Clues, no story before bed, no dessert, that kind of thing). He was a dream.

Saturday was a lazy one. We watched two hawks playing in our backyard trees (likely pilfering from other birds' nests). We played a bit of basketball on the driveway. We ate lunch on the back deck, and talk-talk-talked all the way through it. While AJ napped, I played with my wedding china (re-organizing after Christmas), a hobby I adore. AJ had Batman-shaped Chicken Noodle soup for dinner, and slurped it all down. Then Mommy got to go out! A girlfriend and I went to dinner and saw "The Queen." I only fell asleep twice, and thankfully I don't think anyone noticed. Hey, the movie started at 9:50pm. WAY past this little girl's bedtime. The parts I did see were fantastic -- a telescope into the life of the royals. Helen Mirren is a wonder. I have loved everything I've seen her in.

Sunday we took the dog on a lovely walk, and then took a trip to Lowe's. Bought some new shelving for AJ's room (and put it together, whee!), so we could retire the Jenny Lind changing table. My big boy needs room to PLAY in his own space, and now he has it. We're convinced that toys will be dumped OUT of the trendy storage baskets, instead of stored IN -- that's the fun of baskets, I guess, at age 2 -- but maybe it'll be easier to clean up after him. Next steps in this "Growing Up" project: 1) the Potty Training and 2) the crib-to-bed transition. Not that we HAVE to, mind you. I'll keep him in that crib as long as possible. :) And I know, I know, I shouldn't be in a hurry to potty train him necessarily. Three. That's my goal. Poops on the potty by three. I need a strategy, though. He's not responding to our M&Ms offerings anymore. There will probably have to be a pants-free week or weekend in his future.

...sorry, where was I?

Last night we whipped up a quick Shrimp Fra Diavolo with a salad and it was delicious. Refreshing. Filling. Then we made fun of watched Jack Bauer return to glory... for 2 hours. And it's only half finished! More Kiefer Sutherland on tap tonight, and I am *just fine* with that!

I couldn't have asked for a nicer weekend. There was nothing special about it. But it was perfection.

Crowning glory

My tresses had gotten fairly long, so this is
a rather startling change:


AJ's, yesterday, was a
rather startling hat-head:

Be great. Delurk.

The Great Bloggers, they'll do something in real life and then write a fantastic story about it -- one with a beginning, middle, and end, interesting characters, maybe a banana peel, and a made-up phrase like "I guarandingdangtee you," (I'm lookin' at you, Amy) and all of it WORKS. Readers laugh, then line up to read you again. And you get AdSense and start rolling in ca$h. (Isn't that how it goes?)

And there are other bloggers like me, who WANT to do that but once the "new post" page opens up, that cursor blinking... blink... blink... blink... I got nothin'. So I babble and spit and then push Publish. ROCK ON!

But coincidentally, it's (International) DeLurking Week, so I can leave everything in the commenters' hands and not fret. Poof! (Don't you think it needs and deserves "International?" I do. More Oomph.) Time for all you darlings who're askeert of the "Comments" button to pop your heads up and say hello!

Clutter, be gone

Today I'm going to be straightening my desk at the office -- the fourteen slips of scrap paper with various notes & numbers jotted on them are KINDA getting in the way. I shove them around to find some projects sorted into manilla folders, and others just idly hanging around, stuffed into my notebook or the junk pile (code word: "Inbox"). It's a good month for clean-up. In fact, yesterday I chopped all the noggin-clutter that was my hair OFF. Kind-of a Clean Sweep move for the beauty regime. Took me exactly 3 minutes to do my new hair this morning, instead of 10. (It's awesome. Pics to come. Rawr, lurvh the Short!)

Do you like to start afresh in January?

On Epiphany

"Christmas says Christ is here, born into the world. Epiphany says it's up to us to find him, and it may not be easy."

Here's the whole article about Epiphany. Sort-of revises my previous post. :)

Church-going

For the love of, appropriately, GOD!! I submit the following complaints:

-- If AJ attempts to lift and lower the kneelers with an associated BANGING of the pew in front of us... one more time, I will most assuredly scream. Probably during the Consecration. (Today he whined aloud, as we all knelt down, "Noooo! Get up, everybody!")
-- If I have to leave the sanctuary and take AJ into the narthex, where all the other desperate parents are with their infants, 1s and 2-year olds (which AJ actually thinks is a real treat rather than a punishment)... one more time... there will probably be a public spanking right in front of the Fellowship Coffee display.
-- If I have to sit in front of a precious family of three, whose 3-year-old is sitting there in his perfectly tucked-in button-down (because he's being QUIET and STILL), feeling their eyes BORE into me and hearing their brains cluck, "She should really get control of her kid" (because I used to say the same in MY brain, before having a child)... one more time... I will have to slink under the pew myself and crumble into a big heap of embarassment.
-- If I have to spend one more entire Mass alternately hissing at AJ and pleading silently with my eyes for Husband to STEP IN once in a while, for gosh sakes... well. It all just makes me wonder when they tell us Jesus experienced the whole of being human. SURELY he didn't make his Mother Mary feel such things during Temple, did He?

This is why my parents went to Mass separately all those years when Sis and I were toddlers. This is why smart people take the kid to the nursery (not me). This is why mommies and daddies feel harried even in the hour of prayer and worship -- that special, quiet family time on Sundays (ha ha): we're busy chasing down God, and wrestling with the kids. Bargaining please, GOD make him be quiet for just TEN MORE MINUTES so we can sing this one hymn and then get my doughnut and get out of here. (Because surely I deserve it, and you better believe I will eat it in front of him-who-doesn't!) Lord, Have Mercy! Amen.

Thursday Thirteen #5

Thirteen things I like about my job.

(I never ever talk about the things I DO like, except in qualified terms like, "Well, it isn't SO bad..." So here, I'd like to put a positive spin on it, in an effort to be less of a whiny butt.)

1. All our bills are paid thanks to our combined income. I can generally go to Target and not have to worry that $100 is going to break us. (A cool hundy, just about every time! You too?)

2. We have great insurance, a savings account and two retirement accounts, because we both work.

3. Practicalities aside, I work with excellent people. They're like family to me since I've worked here so long. I remember last year's Thanksgiving potluck (2005); we sat down around our conference table and I just smiled to myself, comforted in sharing a meal with such good souls.

4. They let me work 2 days a week from home. I could choose any number of other jobs that absolutely wouldn't allow for that.

5. Our work is always a collaborative effort. You can say to a coworker, any day of the week, "Could you help me with something?" And they will. I like that; I need the good ideas and talents of my colleagues; wouldn't be able to handle it otherwise.

6. We produce some beautiful printed publications; I've always been very proud of our quality and our reputation for good taste in graphic design.

7. It's impressive that we do what we do with only 23 people on staff.

8. I know that if I really have something on my mind, something painful or difficult in my personal life for instance, I can sit down with one of, let's see... 1...2, at least 5 different close personal friends to talk about it. No one will say, "Listen, I've really got to get this proposal done... could we talk later?" Everyone values actual LIFE more than our work. (I think everyone. wink.)

9. They threw me both a wedding shower and a baby shower at those special times in my life.

10. Our office is clean and new, not old and crusty and rat-infested. (Hey, this wasn't true until a year and a half ago. We previously occupied a very crumbly building alongside some bonafide Filthy Rodents. We made it look good, but... this is much better.)

11. My husband works right next door. Handy when I arrive with a flat tire and need someone to help fix it (this past Tuesday)!

12. I've been doing webinars lately -- demos of some of our products -- and I think I'm fairly good at it. Nice to feel like I've mastered something. :) And they're fun products to demo. I've always said if you believe in your products, it makes everything easier.

13. A coworker introduced me to blogging, acutally. So I have to thank her for that!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens
1. Tink
2. Caylynn
3. Raggedy
4. Di
5. Leah
6. Aimee
7. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Peppp...eroni Pizza

It's hard, after a long vacation, to focus this feeble mind. (Heck, it's hard for me any time of year.) The following thoughts are about as random as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which my husband has been trying to watch for about 2 weeks now).

...December 23rd, "Christmas Eve Eve," the men went to the Thrashers game, and us girls (me, Mom-in-law, and The New Girlfriend of my Bro-in-law) showed AJ how to have a Christmas slumber party. We made cookies together -- AJ did the red and green sprinkles -- snacked on crackers and spinach dip, and sang along with ABC's annual gift of The Sound of Music. His eyes widened when Do-Re-Mi began, since that is one of the main night-night songs I've used since he was an infant (it can go on forever if need be, and Mr. Colicky often needed-be). I was quite pleased that he recognized it. He also liked "Yo-lay-ee, yodel-lay-ee, yodel-lay-hee-hoo" with the goats. :)

...several times while we had company I declared it was time for my shower, and luxuriated in having 5 very capable babysitters who'd have to ENGAGE. (Sometimes it seemed I was the only one willing to actually play with AJ -- down on the floor, entertaining him. It's my instinct I guess, it's just what I do.) He can play by himself, but shouldn't have to if so many folks are around. Anyway, if I up and left, SOMEONE was going to have to get up from the TV, or put down the Zune, or the phone, and Watch.The.Child. They did. AJ got to know which ones would toss him around and make him giggle, and which he could count on to make Play Doh pancakes with syrup. I took great satisfaction from this. And really long showers.

...Christmas morning, AJ threw us for a (fruit) loop. He came downstairs, was slightly intrigued by his Santa presents, which were unwrapped, for about 11 and a half minutes, then declared he wanted his breakfast and a movie. This kid is nothing if not anchored by a routine. Never mind all the gajillion interesting wrapped presents under the tree. We watched him shuffle into the kitchen with his daddy, and then kinda blinked at one another in disbelief. (Don't fret, he came back later and got his paper-ripping on.)

..."Ma? Mo-mm?" Just a new word he's picked up lately, especially when I venture beyond where he can see me. I can't decide if I love it or hate it.

...STARBUCKS GIFT CARDS in my stocking. Plural. Squeeeeeeee.

...Is it me or is Bravo draaaaaagging this Top Chef series right out? Sheesh! Bring back Blow Out, I say. Actually it's really AMAZING the dearth of television worth watching these days. Last night I attempted to sit down with Inside the Actor's Studio. The guest was Matt Damon. Seriously? A total snore.

...Let's not even talk about how much food was eaten by me over the holidays. (See also: Title of post.)

Two-thousand-seven

I have so much to say, and yet, no desire to really say anything at all about our family-filled, crazy, long holiday break. I can't believe I had nearly two full weeks off -- let's see: Thursday afternoon through Tuesday... yep, that's right. Definitely the best gift I received, among lots of other lovely things.

AJ, of course, has been in hog-heaven with his new "ambimals" and Mr. Potato Head and Jesse and Woody from Toy Story 2. Not to mention eating cookies and potato chips more often than not. Hubby reported, however, that today's daycare drop-off did NOT go very well. I'm kinda mad at them because he is supposed to move to new classroom at age 2 and a half -- which he will reach NEXT week, the 8th -- but they made him go this morning. So, aside from having his vacation end like all the rest of us -- that which is HEARTBREAKING enough -- he doesn't get to go back to the familiar cushion of the Early 2s and kind, wonderful Ms. Martice and Ms. 'Nana, whom he loves. Sigh. I almost hope he gives 'em hell today.

Except... that's not on my list of things to do this year -- be spiteful. When I woke up on January 1, and took my first shower of the year, I prayed to leave behind doubt and fear, despair, and my poor attitude. I always like to pretend to wash away the bad things about the previous year, and instead, be washed in hope for this one. Calm. Togetherness. Happiness. It's a little bit hokey but it works for me, and we have an awful lot of those wonderful things.

Operators are standing by...

I had to pull out all the stops and CALL SANTA CLAUS on the telephone this morning, to stop the whine-fest AJ was having. It's been 3 mornings in a row that he's writhed on the carpet bemoaning the horrible state of his LIFE and how we never let him do ANYTHING FUN, instead of letting us dress him for school, and Husband and I had Had It. So I looked that kid right in the eye and said, "If you kick me again, I am going to CALL SANTA." And he flat-out kicked me. Toddlers, I swear.

beep-beep-beep-beep beep beep beep.

"It's ringing...." (pause for effect)

"Hello, may I speak to Santa Claus please? Thank you." (pause. hmm, 'magine that, AJ's quit fussing)

"Hi, Santa, this is AJ's Mommy. Yes, nice to talk to you. We're all fine. How are you doing?"

(pause)

"Mmm-hmm. Well... I'm calling with some bad news I'm afraid... AJ is being pretty Naughty this morning. Yes, I know. Mm-hmm, he IS usually a very good boy... I know. I hate having to tell you this, but you may want to consider skipping our house this year."

(pause as Santa protests)

(Meanwhile, Hubby's behind me looking at AJ clucking his tongue, "Oh, man... Oh, man, AJ...." All I could do not to burst out laughing. But, STAY IN CHARACTER.)

"Do you think so? Well, maybe he can try to be Nice until Christmas." (looking pointedly at AJ, who's gone silent and wide-eyed) "I don't know. But okay, we'll see. Yes, that's good advice. Okay, Thank you, Santa."

"You have a Merry Christmas, too. Bye-bye."

And then I told AJ that Santa was very disappointed.

He was still looking a bit glum when I dropped him off at daycare. Am I the meanest mommy, or what??! I have exploited Santa a lot this month ("You'd better not pout"), but that was an Oscar-worthy performance, if I do say so myself. Put the fear a'God in him. (Don't worry, we'll call him again tonight -- there's an 800#, did you know? 1-800-972-6242 -- and I'll let AJ listen to the happy recording.)

Tactics. It's all about tactics.

Gloom into Gratitude

...But there will be no gloom for her who was in anguish.

I just read this as the opening passage of Isaiah 9. I don't think I've ever heard that verse before, but wow, I really like it. It's from the English Standard Version, and the use of the adjective "her" is different to my ears. (Guess we don't read it in any of the regular Scripture cycles at Mass.)

I can think of several "hers," some bloggers, some not, who are experiencing a bit of anguish right here in the Christmas season. And last night, I got myself into a bit of a gloomy mood too. Sometimes reading all those 2-page Christmas letters about "Susie-Q, who made partner in her marketing firm in oh-six," and "our dear Johnny, whose self-designed business really took off this year," and "his wife, Mary, who's got her hands full with the 3 kids she's teaching at home," makes me a little depressed. I got 3 of those letters yesterday.

So I'm praying with HOPE that the gloom will be replaced, for myself (my selfish envious self) and especially for my friends. These next parts of the Isaiah chapter supply the familiar words:

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shined... (vs. 2)
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given;
and the government shall be upon his shoulder,
and his name shall be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (vs. 6)

Some of my favorite words in all the Bible. I love that it ENDS WITH -- punctuates -- emphasizes -- PEACE. He will bring us Peace above all the other things.

Man, that is some good news.

Be grateful today for that Hope, and for the many blessings of this life.

Confusion

My son seems a bit confused about this whole "someone comes into my house and leaves presents" deal. We were talking last night about what's going to happen IN ONE WEEK, and I said, "Who's going to visit you on Christmas?"

"Lanta Caus," he replied.


"...and Tigger?"

Thursday Thirteen #4

13 Questions from an End-of-Year Meme

I've been wanting to do the whole questionnaire, but it seems that a portion is all I'm going to manage. That's okay.

1. Was 2006 a good year for you? Wellll... yes, overall "in the grand scheme of things," a phrase I use entirely too often, it was a good year. We are all healthy and have much to be thankful for. Work has been hard for both of us, and I'm trying really hard not to define 2006 as "the year of the funeral." Few too many of those for my taste. Few too many wonderful people we miss a great deal. But I think that's something to acknowledge; as we get older, we attend more funerals, that's just the facts.

2. What was your favorite moment of the year? I'm not sure. I'm thinking my favorite moment is going to be Christmas morning, because for the first time, AJ's going to be curious and excited about Santa Claus and PRESENTS.

3. Where were you when 2006 began? I believe I was face-down on my couch. I believe my husband tried desperately to wake me up for a mignight kiss, and I believe I mrrrffffled my way through it and went right back to sleep. (sorry, honey)

4. Did you keep your new years resolutions of 2006? Ha, ha, I WIN on this question. I refused to ennumerate my resolutions, but I did mention them briefly. Blessing my circumstances and yoga -- yeah, I think I did okay on those. Especially yoga. I did much more of that in '06 than in '05.

5. Did you make any new friends in 2006? If blog-friends count, then yes, I believe I did. I love blog-friends. :)

6. How many different states did you travel to in 2006? Oh, wow. Let's see... Oklahoma, by way of Arkansas and Tennessee. North Carolina. Florida, of course. New Hampshire (first time). Virginia. Louisiana. Sadly, I didn't travel to Minnesota like I'd wanted to. But I'd say 8 is pretty impressive.

7. Did you travel outside of the US in 2006? Nope.

8. What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2006? Did I see any movies in 2006? I remember the most recent one, "Stranger Than Fiction." Other than that, it was Cars, and Toy Story 1 and 2 about eleventy-million times. Of those I'd have to say Toy Story is my favorite.

9. What was your favorite song from 2006? Oh, hahaha. Like I know the current songs? I did love the new Keane album, so "Is It Any Wonder" would qualify. I listen to the "dave" station, dudes. OLD people music from the '80s and '90s.

10. How many people did you sleep with in 2006? (Hee hee. This meme must have come from MySpace.) Um, TWO. On a couple of our road trips, AJ shared the hotel bed with me and hubby. Heaven help my ribs those days.

11. Did you treat somebody badly in 2006? No, I don't think I intentionally treated anyone badly as a regular course of action. I will say, sometimes in the morning first thing, when I arrive at the office, I blatantly continue walking straight to my desk even when people begin to try and hold full-on conversations with me. (While my bag's still slung over my shoulder and keys in hand!) So that's probably not very nice.

12. How much money did you spend in 2006? Ouch. We spent a lot, actually. Bought a large furniture item, a couple plane tickets, too many restaurant lunches, a lot of EXTRA-EXPENSIVE GAS (remember that, 2006??), a new stove, and here at Christmas we've kinda gone hog-wild (for AJ!). *Sheepish grin*

13. What was your favorite book you read this year? I have to say The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, because I had built it up in my mind so much for years, and it actually lived up to all that; even went beyond what I expected. I LEARNED from it, I was entertained, I was thrilled by it. In second place? Wickett's Remedy, by Myla Goldberg. Weird little interesting, delectable book.

That was fun! Happy Thursday 13! :)

An Open Letter to Harry Connick, Jr.

Dear Harry,

You're hot.

Wait, that just popped out accidentally... Let me start again. Dear Harry,

I want to thank you for recording your Christmas CD, "When My Heart Finds Christmas," long ago in 1993. That was back when you had kinda weird hair and before you started wearing your button-down silk shirts half open, but I liked you then anyway. This morning, like turned to love. Real, for-true, I HEART YOU love, and it's based not just on your looks (I swear), but on our mutual appreciation of excellent music.

You see, yesterday after a grump-inducing day at the office, I could not rebound from a very bad mood, for the life of me. Not even my darling son -- whom I know you would love, as he's got a thing for Red Beans & Rice, and the only beignets to ever have touched his lips were authentic Cafe du Monde ones during a New Orleans summer thunderstorm -- not even that perfect, precious boy could make me completely forget my stupid work aggravations last night. I went to bed dreading the wash-rinse-repeat that would become today.

But this morning.... oh, this morning! I thought that "I Pray on Christmas" was my favorite so I tried it first. But after that, I casually clicked my iPod to "Must Have Been Ol' Santa Claus," and I. ROCKED. OUT. in the car. All the way to work. Or, maybe I JAZZED OUT. Whatever car-dance style your song is intended for, I adopted it. In fact, I think I was possessed by it. HELLO, RHYTHM! It's really incredible the way you and your band can swing a syncopation. Bomp, bomp, bomp... a-BOMPBOMP. That rousing, happy I-V-I bass line. See? I'm a MUSICIAN, not just a little fan-girl. Man, my stereo was thumping. (I didn't even know Toyota Highlanders could thump.) I repeated it two or maybe even three times. I couldn't stop. Singing at the top of my lungs, sharing the beat with you guys. It turned me around.

So in this season of giving, I want you to know that I GIVE YOU a double thumbs-up. A super high-five. A big wet kiss on the neck. I mean, uhm... a hearty round of applause for your musical talents and your ability to change really bad moods. And maybe lives.

Happy Ho-Ho-Ho to you, too! My heart found Christmas for the day.

XOXOXO...xoxo,
(really.)
el-e-e

Hope upon hope

Yesterday AJ and I were sitting in the kitchen floor -- I love that expression, don't you? "In" the floor? It sounds like a playland -- paging through all of his artwork from November. Usually his wonderful teacher sends it home once a week, but I guess she's been busy. (Of course she has! I can't imagine being a daycare teacher. It blows my mind, what she does in one day.) There were orange pumpkins, and a spider made of two handprints pasted together with the fingers pointed outward (some October stuff, too), and a pilgrim that was colored all BROWN in long, swipey scribbles, and several letters and numbers which I will paste onto the dishwasher so we can look at them at eye level every day for a week or two.

AJ *loves* artwork. He calls it that, too. He actually seemed proud to be showing me all these things. At home, we have watercolor paints, a plastic smock, and an easel, and that has fast become his favorite activity other than watching videos. I just love watching him choose a color (always in succession, brown, purple, then green or blue, then yellow/orange/red, then black - the order they sit in the tray), then carefully choose a spot to paint (he always paints a character's eyes first), then he kind-of bounces while dipping his paintbrush in the water, dripping on the way back up to the paper -- it's so messy, and yet so purposeful. And magical.

Anyway, as we were sitting there and I watched him thumb through his pictures, I started to really hope that I am doing enough for him. Not in a down-in-the-dumps way, just because he is such a precious little person. Growing up so fast. I want to do everything, give everything, be everything that a child -- THIS particular child -- needs to grow and thrive.

I hope that sitting in the floor with you is good enough. I hope that canned vegetables are sometimes good enough. I hope that going to Publix after school is okay with you, and even fun sometimes. I hope that quiet weekends at home -- rather than family trips to children's adventure museums or the proverbial playdates -- are good enough. I hope that *I* -- me, the little person that I am, the nothing-more than my own small brain and my own heart -- am doing right by you.

Visions of sugarplums... poof!

A quick follow-up to my worry about my brother-in-law sleeping 'til 10:00am on Christmas morning. I shared this fear with Husband, who said, "Oh HELL, no, that guy will get up at SIX." Evidently the nine-year age difference between them meant my husband (the elder brother) was awakened repeatedly and unjustly on the Christmas mornings of his teen years. Four a.m. happened at least once, in his memory. Revenge is kinda sweet. :)

Shop with me, people

Please help me.

I'm flailing on husband's Christmas gift. Thankfully, he's fooled: two items sit wrapped under our tree with his name on them. Only I know that they are socks and t-shirts, and not "The" gift. It's come down to these two options:

1. Three 600-count CD binders that we saw at Best Buy when we completed all our other Christmas shopping last Friday. Now, while these are not exciting, he has been contemplating them for quite a while, and I'll admit, it'd be kinda nice to rid ourselves of the 1800 jewel cases which are DISPLAYED (yes, all of them) on the bachelor-esque TV stand in our living room. I'm torn, though, because I'd hate for it to seem like a self-serving gift... "Yay, now you have binders! Let's get new pretty furniture." But he did SAY he wanted them.

2. Nintendo's Wii. Now, he's only once said he might want this, but if I know my husband, I know that a brand-spanking-new game system is going to get high marks from him. And he hasn't had a Nintendo since the late '80s. (GameBoy and DS don't count. And would ya look at me, throwing out terminology like I have a clue!) He's a loyal fan of both Xbox360 and PlayStation, but I know for a fact he doesn't want (is not spending $600 for) their new PS3. So the Wii is the other latest and greatest out this season, and Nintendo is touting its motion-sensitive controller; you can flail it about like a tennis racket or a sword if you're serving or slashing, respectively. Even I think that's pretty cool. I think he'd like it, even if it's just to keep up with the current electronic goods.

The tough thing there is, when he wants a game system, he usually makes it very clear -- like, asks his mom for it outright. Or buys it himself. And he hasn't done either of those things. Second: His birthday is in January. So either gift is good; if I get the binders for Xmas and find out he really wanted the Wii... no problem. Birthday shopping done. But third, his Father's Day gift this year got completely botched and I feel like I owe him a good surprise. A watch or a bag o' socks just ain't going to cut it.

What say you??

Love Thursday

Love is sharing Mr. Potato Head with your cousins.

Get your Love Thursday on.

The Grandness of Imperfection

Work is kicking my tail end this week. This is probably a good thing. I'm sure I could use a kick or two. Lots on my mind, though.

I'm really enjoying the Advent/Christmas season so far, despite the fact that my first batch of cookies was a bust (don't substitute margarine for butter; it's Christmas for heaven's sake. Just... Butter.)... and despite that I haven't done my cards yet, or even begun to wrap/ship any presents. My house looks pretty with all its decoration -- I love thinking about why we decorate, by the way -- the old custom of decking the halls, preparing our homes for the coming of the Lord is so quiet and forgotten among the Clark-Griswoldness of modern decorating superfluousness (my neighborhood even has a contest) -- but it makes me happy to think about that kind of preparation, and try to focus on welcoming the Christ-child.

In fact, we're welcoming my in-laws, who are definitely coming. (Would be good if I could think about welcoming Jesus in each of them... *trying*) This means two things: 1) We don't have to travel! Hooray! AJ gets to have Santa come down his very own chim-a-nee, and 2) I'm going to stress out about Christmas dinner and have to practice patience when there are more than one of us bumping around MY kitchen using MY new oven. Heh. Let's see... there were Three Wise Men; maybe they all tripped over each other to give THEIR OWN gifts first. But all three gifts were important, yes? They each got a verse in the song. :) Perhaps a good metaphor to keep in mind.

I'll also have to fight the urge to orchestrate Christmas day. The thing is, I want it to be somewhat MY -- MINE and HUBBY'S and AJ'S -- new brand of Christmas, with our traditions and special things. Not just their usual Savannah Christmas moved to within my Atlanta walls. Ya know? My BIL and his girlfriend will be here for instance, and I'm sure that means the events of Christmas morning can't start immediately upon waking with AJ at 6:00am. At least not the "perfect matchy-pajamas Kodak moment all together with everyone," the way I'd like it. BUT. I'm hopeful that I won't let that bother me too much. The imperfection of family is what makes it family, what makes it REAL. So if AJ opens all his presents at 6:00, and then the others wander downstairs at 10:09, so be it. We'll wait and do their presents then. And if Pa-in-law turns on the (gulp) TV -- The Weather Channel like he always does -- then I'll have to just suck it up and change the channel when I get a chance to the Christmas music station. Then we'll all have breakfast (Second Breakfast no doubt, for some of us), and it will be warm and wonderful somehow.

Watch out. It's gettin' crazy over here.

Today I will be blogging working from a post on my pretty red sofa, facing the lighted Christmas tree, rather than my usual spot at the kitchen table (see right). Because it's Pretty and I Wanna.

If I were a normal person working from home, this wouldn't merit announcing. But I am a corporate drone who feels extreme guilt (and worries that OSHA might reprimand me) when I don't sit at some form of a DESK, with my hands and feet at 90-degree angles.

Nyah, nyah, I say today. And happy holidays. :)

P.S. From the sofa, I can see clearly the lower right-hand quadrant of our tree, heaviest of all with 14 "oh-na-mets" dangling precariously from the tippy-tips of their 6 saggy branches. (Yes, do the math.) Hee. So cute.

Easy, Breezy Recipe Monday

Look, diet or not, I like the cream sauces. Alfredo. Hollandaise. Bernaise. Mayonnaise.

Here's one I made the other night, using lo-fat versions of everything. It makes for a delicious chicken dish, with about half the guilt. ;)

Celery-Wine Baked Chicken see? right there, it's Celery. Healthy.

1/2 cup fresh sliced mushrooms
1 tbsp butter/margarine
1 (10.75-oz) can 98% fat-free cream of celery soup
1/4 c. chopped green pepper
1/4 c. diced celery
1/2 c. white wine
1/2 c. lite sour cream
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
pinch paprika
pinch garlic powder
pinch black pepper
1 add'l tbsp butter/marg

First you sautee the mushrooms in 1 tbsp butter (or cheat like I do and open up a little can of B&Bs). Add them to a large bowl, along with the soup, vegetables, wine, and sour cream. Pour into a 9x13" dish. Top with chicken breasts. Sprinkle chicken with the spices, and dot with butter. Cover.

Bake in preheated 325° oven for 45 minutes to 1 hour.

Serve over pasta or rice (egg noodles are great; whole wheat pasta works, too).

...That Radio Song!

I just have to post this because it is hilarious and SPOT-ON. My favorite Thursday 13 list from A Flyover Blog:

13 Christmas Songs I Never Want To Hear Again (HA!!)

1. My Favorite Things by Rod Stewart. This is just wrong. Rod Stewart bears no resemblance to Julie Andrews.

2. Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree by Jessica Simpson. Why is this girl still around? She can't sing, act or talk, yet she's everywhere! Go away... and take your sister with you!

3. Happy Xmas (War Is Over) by John Lennon. The most pathetic holiday tune ever penned. (Emphasis mine.) Guaranteed to induce severe depression. Makes me want to fill my pockets with heavy rocks and wade into the river...

4. I Wonder As I Wander by anybody. Just plain odd. Gives my a tiny chest pain every time I hear it.

5. The Gift by Aselin Debison. Can't sing. Can't sing. Can't sing. (never heard this one but I'm sure she's right)

6. The Christmas Shoes by Newsong. I detest this wretched song! Emotional manipulation on an unparalled scale. Whoever wrote this convoluted piece of Christmas drivel should be brought to the town square and flogged! There, I feel better now.

...click for more! It's worth it, I swear.

In response, and to shake those awful tunes out of our heads, I will list here my FIVE FAVORITE, pleasant-to-hear, happy-inducing Christmas songs.

1. "Sleigh Ride" by Johnny Mathis, Any Grant, or the classic orchestral version. I can't decide; I like 'em all.

2. "God Rest You, Merry Gentlemen" (choral). The poetry of the lyrics, the harmonies of voice, the minor-to-major resolution at the end...? PERFECT Christmas tune.

3. "Here Comes Santa Claus" (by I don't know who)... AJ's favorite, apparently. "Come Here, Santa Claus," he says. This cute-ism, I know, will live forever in our family lore. I'm trying to learn all the lyrics. I love the end, "So let's sing praise to the Lord above, for Santa Claus comes tonight." :)

4. In Dulci Jubilo. You're not going to hear this on 94.9 Lite FM. Too bad, because it's so upbeat and LATIN. Was my favorite performance in my college chorus (possibly because I had a small part in the special quartet).

5. I Pray On Christmas, by Harry Connick Jr. Not a traditional carol, but it's one of the 4 or 5 albums that I drag out every year.

"I pray on Christmas (Oh, sweet Jesus)
that the sick will soon be strong,
I pray on Christmas, the Lord will hear my song,
I pray on Christmas that God will lead the way...
and I pray on Christmas He'll get me through another day."

About all we can ask, right? :) (Boy, is it hard to just choose FIVE!) Oh wait. I have to put this one:

"Jingle Bells," by Herb Alpert. HA! What am I DOING with this album?? I don't know, but I love it. I wish I could attach a clip because it's so funny and loungey but I don't really know how to do that.

Anyway, happy holiday listening!

Thursday Thirteen #3

13 Good Things that happened yesterday 1. I found something to wear that fit, and matched (sometimes hard when you haven't done laundry yet after a road trip)! 2. Even though we woke up 15 minutes late (neither of us remembered to set our alarms), we made it out the door at our normal time. Thank you, ready-made lunch items like Starkist to Go and bananas! 3. I promised myself a Non-Fat Peppermint Mocha for the commute and ....oh, sorry, got lost for a minute in that fluffy cozy memory.... mmmmm.... 4. I had one scheduled conference call with a client at 2:30, and it ended by 2:50. No complications, logical progress on their project, kind people. 5. AJ saw Santa Claus at school, and for the first time, didn't cry when put into his lap! In fact... 6. AJ TALKED to Santa Claus. I know this because he told us ALL about it later, at dinner. "AJ, what did you tell Santa you want for Christmas?" I asked. "I tell him I want TAN-DY. Ayy NEWWWWW Pay-Doh! Ayyy.... Buzz, ay Woody, ay Yesse (Jesse)..." He went on and on, and was so excited about talking to "Lanta." Apparently he finished his visit with, "Bye-bye, Lanta." This conversation was without a doubt the highlight of mine and my husband's day. 7. I made a delicious dinner in the new stove -- celery/wine baked chicken breasts. I used 98% fat-free cream of celery soup and light sour cream, which achieved "delicious" yet remained not too sinful. Served it over whole wheat pasta, with a salad on the side. YUM! 8. AJ helped with the salad. 9. AJ also managed to play by himself for about 10 minutes. Can I get an AMEN!! 10. Bedtime was a breeze. (I have a friend who's having a lot of trouble with his 2-year-old at bedtime. Poor things. They're all losing sleep, and not agreeing on how to tackle it, and it just sounds very unpleasant. I'm not immune to future bedtime struggles, I'm sure -- AJ already knows how to stall for time -- but so far, we've got a system that works and I'M GRATEFUL.) 11. Despite a headache and general post-8:00 laziness, husband and I put lights on the Christmas tree. (Without any bitching!) 12. We discovered one of our 5 strings of lights is half-dead. This is good why? Because I get to go to TARGET today to replace it! Mwhahaaa-ha-ha-ha. 13. I fell asleep on DH's chest, comfy cozy in our pillow-top, perfect bed. We love our bed. :) And remembered to set an alarm for today. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. http://www.mommy-inc.com/ 2. http://www.danno.org/blogs/ 3. http://dibookblogetc.typepad.com/my_weblog/ 4. http://westofmars.blogspot.com/ 5. http://karlascrazylife.blogspot.com/ 6. http://joelysueburkhart.com/blog/ 7. http://addiesramblings.com/ 8. http://greggdigressions.blogspot.com/ 9.... (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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You needed me

We returned from my parents' house on Monday evening, whiny toddler in tow. He'd been unusually fussy about "wann' go bye-bye" when we left Florida that morning, then when we pulled into our garage 6 hours later, it was all tears and "go bye-bye?" again. I think he was confused. We're definitely having a whining stage. And traveling is hard. (Hi: I've mastered the obvious.) I can deal with that.

It didn't stop us from having a good vacation. Six days! I didn't realize it was going to be six full days, but man, was that nice. Time with the family, lounge-around days, no plans whatsoever... it was heaven.

Except.... along with the whiny, I get the clingy. Do you? Man, does my kid NEED ME. After a few days of it -- don't get me wrong, I love vacation and getting to be with him, but! -- I was about ready to jump out of my skin if I had to let him "help me" do dishes, or go to the bathroom, or clean out my closets, or go to the store one more time. He's so funny. I'll say, "AJ, I'm going to the potty, I'll be Right Back." And he immediately pops up and declares, "I come, Mama," as he runs to catch me. My Mom was kind enough to encourage me, saying that even though I get "a break" when I go to the office, once I leave there and pick him up (on typical days), it's all-him all-the-time. She made me feel normal about being tired of him, is what I'm trying to say. Even though I'm not a SAHM. And I needed to hear that. So thanks, Mom. :)

Mom also told me that parents can't play with their kids too much. I worry sometimes that I'm making myself more of a playmate for AJ than a responsible (disciplinarian?) capital-P Parent. But she said don't worry.

It was our first Thanksgiving without my Grandmother, and I didn't realize that it was Mom's first dinner party since the funeral in August. We got teary about that, and of course it was strange not to serve Grandmother's one pretty glass of wine, or take her home after the evening was over. Husband very keenly observed that my Mom's having to adjust to not being needed as much as when Grandmother was with us. She absolutely took care of everything for Grandmother -- she was Relied Upon. And now that's missing from her daily round. Ironically, that was one of the things Grandmother talked about in her recent years -- she wanted to feel appreciated and necessary, and often didn't. So I'm thinking of you, Mom, and want you to know how much *I* need you. (See above.)

Interesting that the same theme drifted in and around and through the holiday for both of us.

We had some great moments at the piano. AJ was truly in awe of my cousin Tom, who plays. He would sit on the bench with him and wiggle his little bottom in time to "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Come Here, Santa Claus." Maybe you know it as "Here Comes." A musician in the making, perhaps? Or at least some to-be-treasured musical memories (and videos) of holiday time, which every kid definitely needs.

Good bye... and... hellooooooo!

(anyone get the Broadway musical reference? (one of my favorites) ...anyone?)

I have to admit I got a teensy bit wistful as they wheeled the Old Craptastic out the back door. It was the oven that baked my very first turkey as a wife and mother. Awww. The one where I boiled baby's bottles. (Once.) Other than that? ...nothin'. Take it away, boys!

The new stove rests peacefully, stainlessly, in its new home. I'm sure you're all THRILLED (that this story arc is ending). It will be used, I'm sure, on many a Thanksgiving to come. But for now, it has 5 days to sit and prepare itself for maximum daily use, while we escape to my mother's house. Oh, get this: I now have a broiler pan! (Yah, didn't have one.) I have an Oven Light! Pretty dings (instead of limp-sounding '80s beeps). A quiet fan! Okay, I'll shut up. It's just so exciting!

Step 1 on the path to holiness

Today I hopped over to one of the first blogs I ever discovered -- everyone say hello to the darling Summa Mamas -- Hello! -- and took a quick run down their long and distinguished blogroll. Catholic blogroll, y'understand. This is where I often go when I need a good dose of canonical instruction via the Internet. Lo! (to use a Biblical term) There I appeared, ON the list!

And then my face turned a little bit red.

I am so NOT devout. I'm honored to be on their list, but a little embarrassed if any of their other regulars come here and read me... literally, ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ad nauseum. (At least I do know a little Latin, heh.) Some of my favorite posts certainly happen when I get really inspired by the love of the Holy Spirit, which can come into your life and just positively SURROUND you, if you let it.... but there's been precious little of that here lately. I haven't taken any time to look or listen for it. I guess my excuse is that there has been a lot going on. And when you set weight-loss goals like I have this last month or so, a lot of times that trumps all other endeavors because it REQUIRES so much time and energy. I'm not trying to become a diet-blog, just trying to share my feelings about it... Not to mention work, household nonsense, and those all important MEMES! But when isn't there "a lot going on?" Like Gilda said, "It's always something."

Anyway, there is more to me than counting calories and making wish-lists. In the spirit of being more open to the Divine Uplift, I've claimed this blog for kindness. (See it down there on the right? I'm a big kid now, I have a badge!) I also hope to share more goodness here. To seek it out, and witness it. It's there, in the world... you just have to make it your business to see it. I haven't combed the archives so I can't promise that everything I've ever written here has been kind... but going forward it will be. It's the right way to be. It's a start.

(Thankfully, a bit of snark is still allowed. I looked it up. Hee.)

I Love Potluck.

For all my big talk about dieting.... I sure am cavorting around here irresponsibly with Tres Leches cake in my hot little hand.

It's just a TASTE, I swear. A nibble.

And there's fruit on top. Virtuous!

Thank you, appliance gods

Saturday, I was fully expecting a day of driving all over town, comparison shopping (one of my least favorite activities of all time), and general malaise at having to spend That Much Money.

Instead, we arrived at the first appliance store, walked in, saw it, On Closeout, for $1200 less than what I had seen online as starting prices. !!! Holy DEAL, Batman. The 19-year-old sales girl was pleasant and surprisingly knowledgable. Our stove was just sitting there, EXACTLY the model we wanted: JennAir, downdraft, slide-in, 30-inch, ceramic cooktop, black-and-stainless (which is awesome because I couldn't decide between them). Dingdingdingding! We have a winner. The end.

My family will welcome the return of actual meals on Wednesday morning between 9 and 12. Christmas comes early for me! I never knew how much I'd miss cooking. Even my harried-mother facsimile brand of cooking. :)

Bullets

• I keep sneezing. I bet my coworkers are fed up with "Bless you."
• DUDES. I just got really nervous thinking about Turkey Day, which really should be called "Side Items Day" because who cares about the turkey when there is sausage dressing, green bean salad, sweet potato cass., pecan pie, WINE & cetera??! I think the health plan is doomed.
• Perhaps a nice, long walk sometime that day will help.
• Perhaps suspending all calorie-counting in honor of our ancestors.
• Hrmph.
• When I want to Get Something Done (esp. for work), I want to DO it and be done with it. Not wait on others. Rrgh. CALL ME BACK.

He could handle it.

I was talking with my nurse a couple days ago -- the CNP is who I usually see -- and she was asking about our plans for a second child. Of course she told me about *her* 3 kids, and how the spacing worked for her: 3 and change years apart and hers weren't necessarily close, she said, as kids... but it was fine. AJ would be old enough, she postulated, to want to help with a baby and not be overly jealous.

Welllll... she obviously doesn't KNOW AJ (wink), but I think she's mostly right: He'll be fine. I thought more about it afterwards and said to myself, if anyone can handle it, he can.

And that in itself, was a neat thought -- his overall spirit is pretty darn strong. He knows he's loved. He knows what's what. I watch him at school and, yeah, some of the other snot-nosed punks kids pull on him and take his toys, but that's just kids. He may whine but all it takes is an "AJ, it's Joe's turn now," and he's fine. One girl was hugging on him this morning -- for 5 full minutes. I could tell by the way he looked up at me that he was kind-of thinking, "Mom, couldya get her off me?" But he stood there and played along. "Whatever" seems to be an attitude he can embrace, and that is a good thing.

We're so blessed that he's a good kid. Looking back over the past few months I'm surprised to report we haven't had very many breakdowns or time-outs (we've definitely had a few, don't get me wrong). No public moments of humiliation or interrupted meals. Wait... Church is a different story -- he DID have to be removed from Church once. But he knew he'd gotten in trouble. He feels that -- he seems to genuinely respect us and want us happy with him. I think we're doing an okay job showing "disappointment," not "angry," at the tough times. He's still missing all of his canine teeth which means there is definitely some grumpy-bear yet to endure. But he's generally willing to listen to reason, when he needs to be Talked To. "AJ, I know you want that candy right now, but it's bedtime... let's save it and have it tomorrow, okay?" "Otay, Mama." I think he GETS IT. That's pretty cool for a toddler.

I'd better quit while I'm ahead. No need to blatantly call down the wrath of the Universe. Just suffice it to say it's been a good run here lately.

Sister Love

I've been calling my sister out this week, since she went to Malaysia and didn't tell me. :) But she is not rotten. She is my favorite. :) She and I can be separated by miles and many miles, but still feel as close as when we shared bedtime stories and giggles. I love to remember that for many years, she and I wouldn't sleep apart -- we'd go kind-of in phases -- three or four weeks in her queen bed, and then 3 or 4 in mine. Something comforting about having your best friend there with you in the deep dark quiet of night.

And OH, did we have fun! And by that I mean, argued. ;) Before we fell asleep, I "breathed too hard" and annoyed her, and when she'd tell me that, I'd make her feel pretty bad by saying "WELL I HAVE TO BREATHE." Then *huff off and turn over.* It's funny now because I've grown overly sensitive in my adulthood, even to my own breathing, and especially at bedtime. If, for instance, I feel my own exhaling hit my bare shoulder? I FREAK OUT. Must cover up shoulder with sheet immediately.

It's special to have someone you'll tell your dreams to. Who'll trade back scratches with you. Who doesn't kick the covers off, unless you're conspiring to kick them together. Who'll turn off your lamp after you've fallen asleep with the book still open on your chest.

Sister love is one of the very best kinds. Happy Love Thursday, Beansy! And safe travels!

More Love Thursday here, here, and here. Spread it! Tell someone you love 'em.

138.5

One of my new daily reads, Mel, calls this "dieting naked." Putting the ACTUAL NUMBER out there for all to see. You'll notice, perhaps, that it has gone down again, from the last time I gave an official count. This is slow-going, but nevertheless, a victory. Begone, 1.5 more pounds!

I was about ready to give up 2 days ago. Was sick of the Halloween sabotage -- because we STILL have a Ziploc's worth of mini chocolate bars -- was sick of the feeling of failure as the scale stayed firmly at 139.5 -- was sick of logging calories and having to log "chips and salsa" AGAIN, because I sometimes just can't resist 'em... But a loss of even 1 pound can make you feel better again. Motivated.

I'll tell you something: I am not very fat. Thanks to having a husband who knows what to say when I'm looking in the mirror with my head cocked to the side, wondering, I know I don't HAVE to be doing this. However, with a height of 5'1", my position on this chart could certainly be improved. So that's what I'm working toward. Better habits. More control. I think a lot about society, and the kinds of jobs we all have now, versus the kinds of jobs people had up until this modern age, and how we've got to MOVE ON PURPOSE since we don't by default anymore. It must be funny to the ancestors looking down on us from heaven. Washing clothes with a washboard, hanging them on a line, rolling out pie crust dough, carrying cast-iron pots to the well water spigot, walking over to the shed to get a few onions... all that worked just fine, back in the day! Now we don't do any of that stuff and it shows. So we rack up our 30 minutes and use our dumbbells (wonder if the name is significant? It's DUMB that we had to create weights to push up and down, in order to use the muscles in our bodies!) and we steam our broccoli. It's all good.

Want to get healthier? Here, start with my favorite resources.
http://fitday.com/
WebMD Diet/Nutrition boards (I post on the 10-25 pounds one -- it just helps to have a community to share the ups and downs)
Great recipes! I may have to subscribe to this next year.

------

I went to my annual doctor's appointment yesterday and let me tell you, being in there brought on all kinds of memories of weekly visits. It made my ovaries tingle a little. Waaaaant. And I'm babysitting a teensy infant tonight. Just so you know. (to heck with getting skinny, what I really want is to get fat!) :)

FRITZ

Or, why I won't be getting any right-hand ring

First off, I just received email from my sister entitled "Hello from Taipei!" WTH?! If *I* were going to be traveling to Taipei by way of Kuala Lumpur (which I wouldn't even know about if it weren't for The Amazing Race), I would have TOLD ME about it. Why is she there? Is she a spy? Is she doing some really crazy Christmas shopping? Is this a 2nd phase of her postponed-so-it-could-be-more-wonderful honeymoon?? W.T.H.? Bring me a t-shirt.

** ** ** ** ** ** **
My whole house is on the fritz. I almost just said "f-ing fritz," because that is ABOUT how fed up I am with the whole thing. In fact, last night when the straw actually broke the camel's back of appliances, I gave hubby a fed-up look that could have stopped an army. And it is SO not his fault. I am sorry for that look, Hubby.

BUT LORD HELP IF I DON'T GET SOME NEW APPLIANCES IN HERE WE ARE ALL GOING TO STARVE, AND THEN GO AROUND IN WET CLOTHES, AND ALSO NOT HAVE ANY TOAST.

You remember when the dryer moaned and sputtered, yes? We never did replace it. It's limping along. We haven't started a fire yet. But that would have been a relatively painless replacement -- we saw some fairly decent dryers for about $300 all total. Didn't buy 'em. Hello, Lazy.

Saturday night, DH and I baked our cake, right? Wellllllll.... just after taking it out of the 400-degree oven, we recevied a series of warning beeps and an LCD display of "F - 1.... F - 1.... F - 1...." Indicating something wrong. Much like something ominous on Lost. This had happened once before, when our neighbors were over for dinner actually (NICE), and my neighbor got down on his hands and knees to fix it, because DH and I were standing around glancing quizzically at each other, like, "Hmm, what'd'ya think we should do?... Huh, did you say something?..." So Neighbor unplugged the oven to stop the beeping. We plugged it back in an hour later and all was fine. Fast forward 9 months or so, and same thing this Saturday, except in MY trying to unplug it (why did I have to be the take-charge female?) I got SHOCKED!! I've never been shocked before but WOW. Felt like a jackhammer. I crawled back out from under there and asked hubby if he had seen that bright light? In my super-buzzed state, I thought I'd caused a real electrical storm but really I just dropped the flashlight. Heh.

Then LAST night while I was trying to bake a pizza? Beeps again after a couple minutes. Mal. Function. &@!(!~^&fricking fracking. (Grilled pizza is delicious, btw.) I went to plug it back in this morning just now, just ONE last try. Immediate BEEP BEEP BEEP. F - 1. So... screw it. I'm done. I'm calling the JennAir place this week. Yeah, it's a JennAir. The kind of stove you just can't go to Home Depot and replace. *0%-@&!aaaghaaaahh. WOE is me and PITY me.

This morning I also put an English muffin in the toaster. Turns out the left-hand 'elevator' doesn't work! Ha ha!

Maybe we should just move?

Here's how the weekend's shaping up.

Seems like I have a lot of to-dos coming up. I'd better write them all down or I'm likely to forget.

Friday (tonight):
Sit and talk about Christmas lists with Hubby. (Lists for OTHERS. The Spirit of Christmas. Because you can only be selfish before so long before your heart starts to pickle.)

Saturday:
1. AJ. Haircut. (My turn this time, not the professional's.)
1. Napoleon to the vet (DH).
2. Clean bathroom floor (the one out of our three that I never did get to back then).
3. Laundry.
4. *Cantor 5:00pm Mass.* (this is the one I feel like I might forget)
5. Bake a Cake. Hubby wants to do this together. Maybe there will be some flour-flinging or frosting... making a mess. :) I myself am also looking forward to some Ginger and Jack, because the frosting recipe calls for Jack, so it'll be out on the counter already. Score. :) So to speak.

Sunday: sleeeeeep in. And maybe some Christmas shopping?

Monday: work from home

Tuesday: doc appointment 8:45 a.m., then work meeting 10:00.

Wednesday:
1. Work from home.
2. Bake cupcakes for coworker's birthday party (it's my month).
3. Babysit for a friend who has a 4-week-old baby girl. Eeeeeeeee! Can't wait to hold her. ....Oh, wait! insert above:
2.5. Pack small bag so I can take AJ with me to friend's house for the first hour or so, 'til DH gets home. (LeapPad, books? snacks, CapriSun, 3-4 diapers because you KNOW that's when he'd choose to have multiple big poops, all 45 of his DVDs in case of potential screaming fit that wakes the baby because he just HAS to watch ...whatever one he comes up with...)

Thursday: Don't forget to take the cupcakes to work.

And then it's the 17th, and the following week, work will have our Thanksgiving potluck so there'll be more cooking-and-communting, and THUS! begins



THE



HOLIDAYS (dun, dun, duunnnnnnnnn)...



...and it's a good thing I worked Christmas shopping in there THIS Sunday, because there will inevitably be MORE evening and weekend activities -- ones for which I might need real OUTFITS, no less -- pretty much non-stop, until January 2nd. And my in-laws might be coming. HERE. To my HOUSE. For Christmas. So if you don't hear from me every day? ...there's why.

(SOoOO glad I decided against NaBloPoMo. Good Lord!) November? Are you kidding me?

Thursday Thirteen #2

Thirteen Things I want for Christmas, by el-e-e Or, My Most Spoiled-Brat Post Ever. In boolean logic, think of these as "or'd" statements, not "and-ed!" 1. Tommy Girl perfume. I used to wear this -- when I first met DH, actually -- and haven't in some time, but I love it. 2. Starbucks. I want Starbucks. All of it. Heh, just kidding. I want Starbucks gift cards. Seriously? I think I want this most of all. I adore, and am loyal to one drink only: non-fat no-whip toffee nut latte. (I also like that new Maple Macchiato, but HELLO? 500 calories. That's the non-fat version!) Anyway, I think I will also be purchasing these for AJ's teachers, the girl who cuts my hair, etc. 3. Barnes & Noble gift cards. Mom and I always say "If I could pick one (or a few) stores and have $1,000 to spend there..." I'm not looking for a cool grand this Christmas, just a little something to put in my pocket. Books are my favorite. :) 4. I'm looking for a new cookware line. I don't need the whole line, but maybe a small skillet or saucepan in Jamie Oliver's T-fal, or something similar. I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy to cook in non-stick pots that are flaking on the bottom. 5. Lenox - soup bowls, dessert plates, or serving dishes in my wedding pattern. Sigh. So expensive. So pretty in my china cabinet. So hard to serve a meal on them, with no serving dishes. If you're into that kind of thing, here's my pretty pretty pattern and I LOAVVV it. (Sometimes I truly think the most fun job in the world would be in Macy's housewares/bridal registry. Just to be with all those pretty things all the time.) 6. New watch. No brainer, just something from the 35-dollar case at Target would be fine. I'm bored with my watch. And it's scratched all to heck. 7. (Wow, I really am starting to feel selfish here...that was the end of my 'official' list - the one I shared with Mom. But continuing on!) Hubby said he'd get take me to look at right-hand rings. Eeee! I really love that idea and YES, he should get me jewelry instead of a gadget. The last few years it's been gadgets. (wonderful ones, like my iPod nano, but still.) 8. New jammies/comfy pants. Not flannel, though, and not fleece. 9. Of course I hope someone gets me something from Bath and Body Works, 'cause that's just standard. 10. Ditto Yankee Candles. I almost always get one or two votives. 11. World Peace, of course. 12. No traveling. I really, really want AJ to be at his own home this year, so Santa can come down OUR chimney and eat OUR cookies and he can be awed at the magic. 13. Snow. I know for sure I won't get this one, but it would be SO COOL if there was a weather fluke and it happened. Talk about magic! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. Amy 2. Chaotic Home 3. Beth 4. CJ 5. uisce 6. caylynn 7. she 8. miranda 9. debby 10. karla 11... (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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Shopping in my basement

Yesterday I went on a brief shopping tear, looking for two things: new Thanksgivingy home decor, and jeans for AJ. I found none, and none, but when I got home I was in the basement putting away the Halloween knicky-knacks and lo and behold! I found a box labeled "2T-3T Fall/Winter."

larry, I love you. Thank you for having 3 boys before me. I now have a solid base of long-sleeved shirts, a couple of pairs of denim overalls that fit, about 4 more warm jammies than we had before, and more. I had completely forgotten this box existed.

Wish I had one for me! But this means there's more money in the budget for my winter wardrobe. Which is good because the sweater I'm wearing this morning is positively 3 years old and becoming an embarrassment.

* * * * *

So the dieting thing can be such a delicate freaking balance. I've been counting calories now for 3 weeks (this is the start of the 4th), and though I've slipped up on occassion, overall I've been within the range of 1 pound should be coming off each week. However, there's very little change on my bathroom scale. BIG changes in my attitude and definitely making exercise a habit, which are successes. And I know not to focus on the numbers. But dammit, if I'm sacrificing Ro*tel dip, I'd sure as heck like a little measurable reward out of it. So I'm readjusting today, lowering my intake by about 100 calories. Hopefully that will help. Also? Halloween candy is The Sly Enemy, just so you know. Hopefully my sealing it in a plastic bag and locking it in a dark closet will shut it up.

Dash off a post

I was desperately looking for a writing prompt or a fun meme to do this morning, to get my brain working here before I have to prep for a conference call and another meeting later. I found nothing. What's the deal? Is the Internet taking a day off?? Instead, I will share with you six random things about me today.

1. I found my list. (A 3x5" memo that had mine and hubby's Chrismtas wish lists** jotted down in pencil. Was worried that it had been thrown away and that all the things I WANT would never be recalled again!) It was in my jacket pocket. This is what happens when you only need a jacket once a week or so.

2. My nose runneth over. I can't get control of my sinus cavity these days. I take Claritin or Sudafed every day, and still... sniffly-snufly. It's worst from about 4:30 am 'til I wake up. Miserable.

3. Yesterday I did Pilates again and today I am .... NOT sore! not one bit! Perhaps this means the muscles are developing, hooray! Or perhaps it means I did not FEEL THE adequate percentage of BURN.

4. Afternoon shopping at Target can be made EVEN BETTER (hard to believe) if I get a Toffee Nut Latte and AJ gets a Snack-Size M&Ms to enjoy during the trip.

5. My friend Ann keeps trying to push her 13-year-old daughter on me for a babysitter. I'm being Nervous First-Time Mom, (still! 2 years later) and refusing her. Does that make me irrational, or smart? The girl, to be fair, has a 1.5-year-old brother, so I'm sure she's well-trained. She's also taken some sort of YMCA babysitter certification. In truth, she's probably better qualified than me. But I don't know.

6. I'm wearing a bright orange turtleneck, cream-colored pants, and black shoes/belt, and my hair is not following orders this morning.

**btw, Sis, Mom... it's TIME. :)

Wake up and understand him

It isn't always wine and roses. It isn't even always easy conversation. Sometimes love is a quiet dinner, when something - she's not sure what - is on his mind. Love is not asking. Love is letting him be. An evening spent apart, him in the office (basement) balancing the checkbook, her on the sofa, waiting to fold dry laundry.

Sometimes she forgets to snuggle up to him before saying good night, because in the time it takes him to go downstairs and check the locks, she's already fallen asleep.

Sometimes he's still a little withdrawn when he wakes up in the morning. Love is knowing it's okay. Love is being perhaps the one happy thing he can count on today. Smiling for him instead of sliding down with him. Carrying the hope that he'll be able to smile at her, when dinner comes around again tonight.



No picture today, Found a perfect photo, and happy Love Thursday all the same. :)

Reporting from Romper Room

...and the streets of our neighborhood...

In typical fashion, I was overcome... at the sight of someone ELSE's kid! Didn't even require my own! When the first PreK'er marched across the daycare lobby in the annual KidsRKids costume parade, my weakling eyes felt that prickle of little tears! Can you believe it? I am a sentimental freak. AJ cried when he saw ME (like his Mama in so many ways), so I got to march in the 2nd half of the parade -- he grabbed on and wouldn't let go.

Costumed kids -- at least twelve Spidermen, 5 Batmans, 2 Thomas the Tank Engines, a frillion Disney Princesses, and 1 Darth Vader -- are delicious and squishy-sweet, better than gum drops. After the parade, I hung around the classroom and helped AJ get over the fact that I might leave sometime in the afternoon. He was visibly concerned. I sat on the floor and became his classmates' human jungle gym -- once again, overcome... or perhaps more accurately, overrun. Kids love, for some reason, to CLIMB ON ME. Especially Meghan. Not sure if that means I would make a GOOD or a BAD daycare teacher. Heh. Not sure if I would want to, but... maybe. :) It's not a terrible way to spend a day. Sure beats databases.

I learned that Ms. M leads the kids in a little blessing-song before they eat lunch. I AM SO GLAD OF THAT! Who knew. I guess it's a private school, she can do what she wants. It's to the tune of "Frere Jacques:" God our Father, (God our Father), once again.. (once again..), we would like to thank you, (we would like to thank you), Ah-ah-men!, (Ah-ah-men). So sweet! The kids all sang it with her. (And now I know why AJ likes to sing Ah-men! so much.)

His other teacher, Ms. R., happens to live in our neighborhood and we ran into her and her family several times last night on the Trick-or-Treating adventure. Very cool -- kinda feels like a neighborly friend caring for him, instead of some random stranger. The whole "it takes a village" idea, which I love.

The Trick-or-Treating couldn't have been more fun. AJ was extremely chatty when a door was opened to him, performing his "Tick-oh-teee," telling each neighbor how he was Blue, and Daddy is 'Teve, and Mama a kitty-cat," and then wagging his little blue tail on command. He broke HEARTS. And managed to score quite a bit of c-a-n-d-y. So funny, his bucket got very heavy, but would he let us carry it? "NO." The neighborhood fire truck was out again with all its bright lights and honking sirens. The bigger kids get a kick out of riding on it. Maybe next year. We asked AJ if he wanted to, and it was another decided "NO." Oh, I never loved Halloween as much as I do as a parent!

Did you have fun? Did you open your door, or turn off all the lights? Did you take your kids out or relish the quiet by sending your spouse? Tell me tell me. :)