Breaks

I feel compelled to tell someone that I'm enjoying an afternoon of working at home today. I was sure my manager wasn't going to approve it, but lo and behold, she proved me wrong, so here I am. Both kids are watching their shows with headphones on, for a little while until I make them go do something constructive, and I'm sitting here feeling content and grateful, with my pumpkin spice candle burning -- and oh, yeah, actually getting some work done, too. Mildly important.

It's interesting that part of why I'm feeling good is because I was entrusted with two fairly important projects at work. And they're getting done. This morning I was kicking ass and taking names on those two projects! Helping the president of the company, thank you very much. And also because yesterday, I did the annual helping-with-inventory at our warehouse. I dread that day every year, but while I'm there, I usually enjoy it. It's a distraction; the workday goes much faster when you only have 3 scheduled breaks to look forward to. You know you must work until 10:30, then take 15 minutes, then work until 12:30, and after lunch again at 3:30, you get a 15 minute break.

I'm considering setting up my regular days the same way. Isn't that silly? On my own schedule, I will dork around 'til the cows come home, taking the 5-minute break here to check Facebook, there to read a blog post, everywhere 5 minutes. (Sometimes 10; I do enjoy my 10-minute walking break that I try to do every day, especially now that the weather's cooled down.) Yesterday I was reminded that the longer breaks are a lot more satisfying. Hmmm. Something to think about.

Anyway, the day away from my desk and the gift of a work from home Friday afternoon have improved my week SIGNIFICANTLY.

Also: I am no-more bound to the no-good manager -- my time as "E-business and PR Coordinator" is officially over, and I am on the Global Marketing team, hooray hooray! I'm hopeful this will improve things in a long-term way. Goodbye, Store Locator spreadsheets! Goodbye, "Help Desk" duties! Goodbye, requests from random salespeople to help their customers download photos, or manage their own Facebook pages! I will SO not miss you.

Amen and amen!

Old 'hood, Groceries, and New Dude

1. We learned that the rental house 2 doors down from our old house -- have I already told you this? -- has new tenants, who, according to our source, have "sh!t all over the yard." We drove by there once, and even though it was nearly dark, we could see some sh!t. Trailers and bins... it was Whoa.

DH has thanked me a number of times for spearheading the Real Estate project and getting us out of there. It's satisfying. ;)

In fact, where we live now is continuing to grow, with large new neighborhoods popping up all over the place. Well, at least trees being mowed down in preparation for new neighborhoods. Traffic definitely feels thicker than it did this time last year, and it looks like there will be more influx of people/cars in the future. So far, it isn't unmanageable, but the window for leaving the house is NARROW. If we're not out of there between 6:45 and 7:05, forget it.

2. I'm so proud of us, for stretching our groceries to last 2 weeks. Last Sunday I just didn't go to Publix. Didn't feel like it? Knew we had enough? Had just paid bills and didn't wanna spend any more cash? Whatever it was. I did have to buy milk, bread, apples, ham, and some on-sale crackers for the kids' snacks, on Wednesday. But for the most part, we have been totally fine without spending my usual weekly $140 or so. Yesterday I had thawed chicken breasts in the fridge and I was certain they would be bad by 5:30 pm. So I tossed 'em in the crockpot before I left the house, with BBQ sauce, Zesty Italian, brown sugar, and voila! Shredded chicken bbq sandwiches for dinner. We happened to have burger buns on-hand. Other times in the week, we used leftovers wisely. ....Fine, I will admit that Monday was a bit of a bust; the kids had McDonald's milkshakes after school, and Spaghetti Ohs for dinner. The hipster/Paleo/bento-box moms do not approve! And speaking of boxes, more days than not, the kids' lunchboxes didn't include a fruit or vegetable. BUT STILL. I am happy about the whole deal. Tonight's dinner might have to be made from Bisquik, but I do have it, and milk! WIN.

3. New Dude at work: Takes notes, has been trained, has been given procedure documents... tells me this morning, "I don't remember all the steps." ARGH. (But he did give me a red pear, so I'm considering forgiveness.)

Clairey's

Kate has discovered The Mall. More specifically, Justice and Claire's (which she adorably called "Clairey's" this weekend, thinking the "e" was more than silent). We had to go there during Labor Day weekend, to pick up a wedding shower gift at Macy's, and since we had the day off, I just decided we'd walk around and explore. And... well, Kate insisted she needed go back this past weekend, too. :) We had smoothies from Smoothie King (had a coupon), visited Claire's and Justice and The Disney Store, and Bath and Body Works (all the important ones), sat down in one store and rested our feet from all the walking, ate lunch in the food court, gave in to frozen yogurt after lunch (I am a sucker), and then figured we'd had enough for one day!

Our mall isn't all that close to home, although we've taken the kids there a few times before. It's always fun for me to see their little minds blown over so many stores in one place. These last two times, Kate has commented on how good the mall smells. As soon as you open the door, you get this sweet whiff of shopping and cotton candy or something. I love it, too, and love that she loves it.

She's not interested in getting her ears pierced, although I won't be surprised if that comes up at Claire's in the next couple of years.

On a related note, something about girls-growing-up-too-fast, yesterday she sent this message to her Daddy from my phone, while I was busy doing something else:

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Totally unrelated book talk: Check out the awesome comments on this post. Sherry, need any more recommendations?? I got several from this discussion, namely I was reminded again of The Shell Seekers, which my mom has been urging me to read for oh, about 20 years now. !!

Schedule change

For years here, I've been saying, "I just don't know if I can do this flex-schedule again." So this year, I dropped it. I've maintained a 7:30 to 4:30 workday, and it's better. No more 5:00 alarm. No more stressful 3:30 rush to the 3:15 carpool line, only to be the very last one there. No more worrying if Shan thinks I'm cheating. The kids go to Aftercare every day, they do their homework there, mostly, and it's fine. Thumbs-up for eliminating unnecessary stress.

I had a heckuva week at work -- just mentally tiring. Lots of meetings. Wednesday night, we had an out-of-town work-guest to entertain, so I stayed at the office until 6:30 and then went to dinner with the team. Not a terrible evening - free meal and wine, after all - but wow, did it feel like a long day. I'm very glad I only do that rarely. And even more glad that Shawn's around and available to share dropoff and pickup duties with me every day -- I don't know how people do it when one parent travels a lot. Yesterday was my first choir rehearsal at 7pm, and we've shifted our gymnastics time to Thursdays at 6:30, so that was tricky, too (I take the kids, Shawn meets us there, I leave for choir, he takes them home). Two nights in a row not saying grace at the dinner table, and me not good night to the kids in person (or even on the phone). Sad trumpet.

It's fine, of course, just new. I'm hopeful that next week will feel a little more normal as far as the extracurriculars are concerned, but I'm also fully aware that we're deep in the kid-raising years right now, and it's going to be like this a little bit, until Alex can drive. I wonder if I need to say something to John about choir - like, maybe he just needs to not expect me to always be there. Last night I was so tired before the rehearsal started, and I sang LIKE CRAP (but I blame him for rehearsing pieces with high B-flats in the descants, gross). But in the end I was still glad I had gone. Mostly.

Alex is doing fine so far, but I've seen a few instances where I could tell he's stressed about fitting everything in: schoolwork, piano practice, gymnastics, clarinet (he joined the middle school band), Scouts, and the video gaming and YouTube videos about his gaming that he wants to produce... so we'll see how it all goes. So far they've not had any big school projects but WOE on that day.

However, today is Friday, my managers have all left for the day, I have some projects to keep me occupied until 4, Kate's having a friend over tonight (sweet Ady Grace), and I hope that means Shawn and I will be able to watch Justified. :) Weekend! It's supposed to be rainy, too -- BONUS!

On authority, and watching

I am watching from the sidelines as a project at my company is in the last planning stages and still not at all ready for launch. It's a new website. My original job here was to manage the company's US websites, both content and functionality. Since I started working here, of course, there have been major changes, and now we have a global e-commerce manager as well as other team members, so when this new site project was conceived, I was actually left out of it entirely. I felt strange and slightly offended about that, but I'm not in a position of authority and I presumed my team knew precisely what they were leaving out by forging ahead without me. Fine, whatever. They've given me a new title, anyway, and hired someone else for the website stuff. Good riddance.

However, I can't help but overhear and feel a lot of tension around the final days and leading into the launch, and I wonder if I should have spoken up or gotten involved. I couldn't have, without appearing intrusive, could I? Is intrusive or overstepping your bounds okay when it positions you as a "team player?" I don't know. I don't WANT the project to fail, but I fear it might. Or at the least, it's going be a huge and complicated mess. The dude they hired talks in circles, I think -- posturing, to make people THINK he's very smart -- and most of the time his words/ideas don't make sense. (I think most, if not all, successful people do that, by the way -- but some of them actually ARE smart, and others aren't.) Besides that, they've not given him all the information he actually needs. Besides THAT, he's never wrong, according to him. (I'm not bitter, I swear, but this personality type drives me bananas.) The manager in charge postures the same way -- and on top of it, she never follows through with her tasks. The tech guy on the other side of the pond thinks he can do it all by himself in the first place, and isn't very communicative.

On the one hand, I'm definitely glad that my name has not been "allowed" to be on the project -- it will not be my fault! On the other hand, I'm sure I'll be pulled in, to triage, troubleshoot or otherwise manage the mess, and that will tick me off, indeed.

Oh, corporate life. So ridiculous in so many ways.

So far, so good!

Week 1 of school was a rousing success...but they haven't had any real homework, yet. This week starts the real deal. I just looked online at the 2nd grade Homework planned for this week and it's a doozy! Spelling and Math tests, and worksheets every night. I can't even imagine how 6th grade will be, eek. So it's good we had a productive and relaxing weekend to gear up.

It ended with yesterday evening's trip to the pool with our friends, from about 4:00 until 7:00. We ate dinner there (country club For The Win!) and went out for ice cream afterwards. But first, the biggest news: Kate SWAM!! Underwater and everything, kicking her feet and coming up for air! I am  so proud of her. Of course she was hesitant when we left the house, not wanting to wear her floaties in front of other kids (Maren, 1 year older than Kate, in particular). I gave her a boost by telling her I hadn't even packed the floaties (she grinned and hugged me), but that Daddy and I would stay near her as much as she needed in the shallow end. She's fine on a kickboard or noodle, and can touch the bottom in the shallow end (barely, in this pool).

So I mostly sat on the steps with Emily and Shawn, and once in a while Kate wanted one of us to catch her or carry her, but she didn't cling to us like a little koala, which is what she has done all summer. Having Maren there helped; at one point, Maren asked why Kate couldn't go to the deep end and I think Kate was slightly embarrassed, but I helped answer the question and they both forgot about it and played anyway. Then toward the end of the evening, Kate was by herself in the shallow end, and I saw her practicing. She got better and better, swimming a little farther each time she went under. I could tell she had gotten determined. :) Goggles have been a key element for both of them; once they learned how clear everything looks underwater, they've wanted to see more. I'm just as thrilled for her as I was for Alex when he finally got it. All she needs is to get used to going longer distances, without stopping to put her feet down, and she'll be golden. We're going back to the pool as much as we can before they close it in September, I can tell you that much. Practice, practice, practice.

Who knew swimming would be such a major deal in the parenting gig? I never would have guessed!

9 Things on my Mind That Aren't Work

My mind needs an "Out of office" message today; no room for this job! I'm buzzing about:

1. A happy report from 2 kids who had good first half-days at school
2. Alex's signup for Band, meaning we'll have to either buy or rent an instrument of some sort here, soon
3. Kate's gymnastics camp and the school friend who also wants to sign up... but that we might need to move Kate to a different day, to accommodate Alex, who also wants to sign up, and for whom I would like a class that has more boys his age
4. My driving/flex schedule, and telling the kids I'm not doing carpool this year, instead they'll do Aftercare every day (if I do, indeed, decide that)
5. Is it too much? Monday - Boy Scouts, Wed - Girl Scouts and piano/choir, Thurs - gymnastics, plus instrument and piano practice?? OR is now the time for them to be digging in and finding out what they want to pursue in the future (somehow I think scouts might not last for either of them)?
6. PTO/vacation days - I think I will be able to accommodate several school holidays this fall and the Middle School Dances (committee member!), except for the day of Parent-Teacher Conferences, which is a student holiday (Darling Husband, can you take 10/23 off?)
7. Remaining PTO days and even The Holidays; yes, already thinking about that week off
8. The large piece of Harry and David milk chocolate sitting on my desk - should I eat it immediately or save it for an emergency chocolate situation?
9. Yoga - I've taken nearly an entire week off and I miss it. Even just the fifteen minutes at a time that I can manage. I want to get BETTER at it, too, but how/when?

So you can see there isn't any work getting done.

6th and 2nd Grades

Yesterday was School Orientation day. The little boy young man in our life, who squirmed nervously the night before his first day of Kindergarten, was assigned a middle school locker and a combination lock and will start 6th Grade. SIXTH! (It's fun, as you get older as a parent, and can actually remember your time in the grade your kid is entering. Sixth grade was a lot of fun for me and I'm praying he will love it, too.) He got a great teacher, I think, and yesterday his best friend's name was on the desk next to his own, so it's a happy start and he's curious/excited about the change to the Upper School Hallway, and all that entails.

The young lady in our life will start 2nd Grade, and once again, was pretty quiet when the teacher greeted her enthusiastically. She was also (rightfully) miffed at me, I think, because I left a lot of her supplies at home, whoops. They were the things that we are reusing from last year, like the purple pencil box, her headphones for computer lab and her old shirt for art class, but still, she couldn't check every single thing off the list on her desk. I would have been mad, too, but she got over it and when she went to bed last night the thing she was most concerned about is that she has to sit next to ALL BOYS. Smart teacher, I say. ;)

The mama was exhausted after our morning! Lugging textbooks up and down the hills and stairs was one thing, but the locker hallway was entirely another. I had to find scissors to undo the locker shelf from its stupidly-secure packaging; there wasn't enough room for everyone's backpacks and supplies so I kept having to get up and return to the classroom, then back to the locker; the locker wouldn't shut all the way; I saw a LOT of friends and fellow parents but didn't have ONE MINUTE to talk to any of them because of the kids and siblings everywhere. It made me think of high school, and how awful and crowded those halls were between classes. And it was like we didn't even notice! We WANTED to run into people, and walk by the boys we had crushes on, and hope they said hello! If I had to go through those kinds of crowds NOW on a daily basis.... ugh. But not kids - they'll thrive on all the energy and possibility.

So it was fun yesterday but it was HOT; someone had left the outside doors open and the AC was definitely not apparent. And finally, we missed some classmates who've left this year -- a lot of them, it seems. For valid reasons, but still... going into our seventh year together, with some key people missing, doesn't feel quite right. At least they still live nearby. In fact, I'm having lunch with my favorite mamas today, so we'll get to hear how the missing ones' kids are adjusting (they've been back in class all week already).

Off we go! Monday, ahoy!

Gifts we've given Hailey (so I don't repeat)

--age 1 birthday: Ball Popper!
--age 15 months Xmas: Melissa and Doug cookies set
--age 2 birthday: Disney Baby Princess. It was Aurora (pink).
--age 2.25 Christmas: Build-a-Bear pink bear with outfit
--age 3 birthday: Princess Cupcakes stacking game and Color Wonder markers set (princesses)
--age 3.25 Christmas: Sofia the First puzzles, clothes.

Solutions for Summer Blues

I scheduled this post back in January, when I was reading Swistle's brilliance about recognizing her Low Times.

So I've linked it there, to go back and see if any of the strategies she uses, or her commenters use, will help me remember: What you are feeling, Lee, is just a low period and it will pass. Be patient with yourself. 

And one other thing: Remember that next summer, you can hire a nanny instead. Try it. Some camps, some nannies.

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It's funny because I AM feeling a lot of ennui the last 2 days, but not for the "summer blues" reason of kids being bored at daycare camp and me not being able to have fun with them. It's more a my office thing, with its usual stupidity. Just like that time several months ago when I had no boss and no manager and no direction. The same is happening again, since they've iced me out of part of my job (the U.S. part) and that manager never has bothered to "connect" with me personally in the first place, and the new part of the job, (the Global Content Specialist part, sounds fancy, doesn't it?) hasn't started yet and so I'm not being invited to those meetings either. AND everyone is out. A couple of coworkers are traveling, one has been out on medical leave since June 30 (I think she's back next week), and the other has been out all this week with a combination of vacation/off-site meetings/sick days. I don't like the New Guy. It's just that the FRIENDS situation at work is lacking. SORELY lacking, I would say. My one really good friend, Shan, is about to take another job, I just know it. I'm happy for her. Jealous, too. But geez, she's the only person I'm comfortable going to lunch with! Seriously. Oh, bah. I'm done whining.

Little stuff and big stuff

Well, that's that for slowed-down summertime! This week, we've amped right back up to normal speed, and I have a full week of errands to run and things to do. This isn't necessarily bad, but did cause me to grab a sheet of paper last night to write it all down before I forgot.

• Uniforms - I'm hopeful that Alex will have at least one pair of correct pants and a shirt, and shoes, for the first week (he has to have all new uniform colors this year for middle school). Eek. Kate needs one more plaid jumper, too - tried them on  yesterday and... nope. I didn't intend to let it go this late, but on the other hand, I wasn't thinking of mid-July as that "late" for planning for the next schoolyear. 
• Pest control. Gotta be done, and it's definitely my turn for serviceman duty at the house. No biggie; I plan to put something in the crock pot (shredded BBQ chicken) while I'm there waiting for him on Thursday.
• Call to schedule Kate's gymnastics class for fall. -DONE!
• Pickup the kids' finished pottery at the Art Camp location - Calling on Shawn to handle this one, please, since it's closer to his office.
• School supplies - Kate and I bought hers this weekend because she saw the printed list and got excited about it (I don't blame her, it's the best part of Back to School), but Alex wasn't home from Scout camp yet. He came home Saturday afternoon.
• Middle School Dance Committee - I forgot I had scheduled a meeting this week of the moms on this committee; really another way of saying "dinner out with my friends," but talking about this volunteer job is going to get me a little panicky, I think. It's a big job as it turns out, and I'm not sure why I agreed to it. At least there are 3 of us.
• Having friends over Friday night! Why not?! They just moved to our neck of the woods and I was hoping to relieve them of having to cook/plan during those first few weeks of unpacking. I remember those nights from our move last year. I really like the couple (...I think our kids like/tolerate their kids), but as it turns out, it's kind-of a crazy week to do this. Oh well! Nothing like anticipating company for a housecleaning motivator.... so perhaps some vacuuming downstairs is also on the plan for this week, wheee!

In other news, I have had several heart-to-hearts with my sweet Kate-Kate this weekend/week --  some triggered by good things and I will leave it to your imagination for how the rest were triggered -- but gosh, do I love that challenging little girl. I said to her last night that being a parent, raising a person, can sometimes be so HARD for parents, and we don't always know what to do. Honesty, right? She was crying over something, and sobbed, "But WHY is it so hard to just RAISE somebody???" Why, indeed. She couldn't fathom. I suppose none of us can, until we do it. But gosh, it IS so hard, isn't it? Knowing what to say, and how to say it? And how not to say it? She's growing up before my eyes, and I know that because even through her fits and stubbornness, she's starting to feel right and wrong, and more important, empathy. She frequently tells me, after an episode, that she's worried she's hurt us, Shawn and me, by being disrespectful. Yesterday I got to tell her, "YOU ARE LOVED, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO. You can't ruin that or mess that up, ever. Period." ....I can't put into words how honored I felt to teach that big and significant lesson, both in words and in actions. And grateful for the grace of that moment.

It's excellent timing before her First Penance next spring, too. She'll be ready, I think. Age of Reason. Pretty smart, Catholicism.

Also interesting re: Saint Claude de la Columbiere.

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Back to my busy week, I guess, but I'm basking in the big stuff to reflect on, to keep perspective. Grace. Love. We can't mess up badly enough to ruin it. We do make mistakes, but we're still loved absolutely.

Job-y

Small things in the grand scheme but I need to vent a few thoughts about work today. Not the way I usually do! Just about the way my company seems to operate. UGH. You won't believe it.

In the last 2 weeks it was decided to split my job description in half and hire someone to replace one half of my function, without telling me beforehand. They told me on a Friday, New Guy started the very next Monday.

This is bad enough on its own. But they way they're treating and "training" him -- and I use the terms very loosely -- is frustrating me even more. On his first day, my manager set up three meetings, me with New Guy. Not her, too -- no "leadership" involved, just hello, here is your replacement, start training him. No instruction about these meetings, just a title that appeared in my calendar. "B2B training, 10:00 am." No pre-training discussion at all about how these responsibilities are going to be divided in the future, if I'm handing them off completely or if/how we will split the tasks. I don't know what New Guy knows, or what he doesn't. So I did the sessions, but he hadn't yet had any BASIC company training, like WHAT PRODUCTS WE SELL, or anything. It's... been a cluster.

Aside from that, his 2nd day here, his (my) manager was out of town. She had scheduled him a few meetings, I guess, but I think he was floating around, mostly unsure what to do. I know he left early that day with her blessing (via email), because she didn't have anything else for him. Fine, understandable. Did I mention he was taking notes on printer paper he scrounged up? He was given no supplies. No legal pad. No company catalog. Nothing to study besides what I had emailed him for our "trainings." Nothing.

Today he asked me, "Is there like, a microwave around where I can warm up something?" AYFKM?! I would have done these types of things -- building tour, product catalog introduction -- but I wasn't given a copy of his schedule and didn't know if someone else was already doing it. I assumed they were but GUESS WHAT? Nope.

Finally yesterday, I think my role has been sorted out by my new bosses. There was definitely miscommunication among upper management because my current boss and my future bosses had differing opinions about my tasks. The timeline for "transition" has been established. I'm to keep working on my same stuff, status quo, until Sept 30, and train/transition as necessary. After that, I leave X, X, and X responsibilities behind and do only Y responsibilities. I will be suuuuuuper grateful for that day. In the meantime I have to decide when/how to train and share my stuff, because apparently no one else will tell me. That's fine, I am a responsible person and could manage a team better than they are, obviously, so I can manage this, but ZOMG, as we  used to say.

ZOMG.

Home decor, yippie!

We just ordered this pretty patio table and chairs set, on sale, for delivery next week. And an umbrella. YAY!! I am so excited for dinners and weekend mornings outside. Shawn said he expects to always be asking "Where's your Mom?" and the kids to answer, "Outside on the patio," after we get this set...since I've insisted we get it so... heartily.

He and I have been having so much fun homecaring the last week or so, since coming back from vacation, that it's really starting to feel like "We have a beautiful home we are proud of." This makes me happy. We've bought and hung (expensive-ish) framed art, put up some curtains in the main living room, cleaned top to bottom, including the front porch ceiling, columns and windows, and picked up the kids' crap which is usually everywhere. God love 'em. I hope they don't feel like they can't just BE, in the house. We don't nag too much, I don't think. When Kate's stuff multiplies we just pile it up on the bench in the den and ask her to take it upstairs. Sometimes she does that. Sometimes we even help her. And shoes. Socks and shoes seem to also fly all over the house and land in the middles of rooms.

Mom and Dad are planning to haul their piano, which was Grandmother's piano, to our house soon. I am excited about this, definitely. I've never "wanted" it before because I really didn't have any place for it. Now I actually have a place, and really, have wanted it all along. How awesome will it be to have a real piano, and the one I played as a child? I think THAT room will start to feel like a grown-up living room, as well, as soon as it's installed. I am a bit sorry for them, not to have a piano at their house anymore. But Mom says no one ever plays it down there, so I'm trying not to be sad. Nor think about the general idea that they're giving me big furniture, as generations do... nope, not thinking about that.

Next up on the projects list: A gallery wall upstairs. We have some items ready for it, and have Pinterested some ideas and tips for inspiration. Just need to find the time to work on it and hammer those holes into the wall. :) We still need to figure out a bookshelf solution for the guest room/play room. And last on my list is to find something new to hang over the bed in the master bedroom.

Well, not last. There's never really a last project with a home, is there? Thank goodness. More fun to come. Future projects: extend the back patio slab (and make it nicer-looking), which will then require fixing/replacing the fence on that side of the house... Fire Pit and comfy chairs around it... this morning I was thinking about a little running bird-bath / water-feature.... lots in the backyard, it would seem!

Chocolate Soft-Serve at Lunch, and Keeping These Records

Just walked to lunch. There's a Jason's Deli near my office. Just a ten-minute little hike over a hilly parking lot. Makes for feelings of accomplishment and full-tummy, with a side of "virtuous," because: Salad Bar. I even skipped the potato/pasta salads and the muffins. Not the soft-serve, though. Life's too short. Lunch dessert for the win.

Am spending my workday answering the backlog of customer service emails that came in through the website while I was on vacation. LOTS of emails. Lots of whiny slash helpless customers. "How do I find a store in my town?" You might consider the giant STORE LOCATOR button, durrrr. It's easier to see than "Contact Us;" I don't understand you or your bad eyes. Since the Contact Us form is technically part of the website content, it falls to me to triage the emails, but I think that's a crock. I didn't sign up for customer service. Two weeks ago, some lady wrote back in, telling me how quickly she was going to become an [Our Competitor] customer due to the "flippant, dismissive reply" she claims I emailed her. It wasn't flippant. She made me roll my eyes.

But enough about that. Work hasn't been so bad; yesterday on my return, all the bosses/managers were away! So I was able to read blogs AND get a few things done, and no one bothered me or created additional projects or meetings. Win. The kids are at Mom and Dad's this week having a ball, I'm sure, so there was no pressure to be anywhere or pick anyone up or entertain them AFTER the long workday, and that was very nice, too. Shawn and I had dinner out (Mexican, of course), then he went to a Scout meeting and I went to Target. Alone. With no time constraints. I didn't shop as much as I could have, but it did feel very [weird and] nice to be so freed.

I'm trying to decide if it's time to pitch some (or all) of my old journals. Some of them are so old that they have really, truly stupid (pre-teen and worse) boy-crazy nonsense in them. Kate got into the shelf where I have them tucked away recently, and I definitely did NOT want her reading that garbage. Nor do I think I want to read them ever again. But on the other hand... it's me, you know? My heart, poured out on paper. Who I was, informing who I am. A bit of a record if my ancestors ever want to know the details about the Sadie Hawkins dance of 1989 or anything (ha, I'm only using that as an example; there weren't any notable details). I guess part of me wonders if it's at all valuable for future historians (no). Or for a novel (that I will never ever write).

The other part likes throwing unnecessary things away and would feel very much lighter without all those PAGES. I don't know. I was reading some entries last night, from around 1999, right before I met Shawn. It was interesting to see how my brain was working at the time. In my loneliness (I'll admit) without a boyfriend, I had gotten very involved in the church singles group and even a retreat group, partly because there was a cute boy also involved. Gag. He's now a priest, by the way. I even took a weekly shift in the Adoration Chapel and would sometimes journal in there, so it's very prayer-y, trying to see God's hand in the events of the day, trying to be cautiously hopeful about the boy but still writing girly, crushy things, and... I was growing in faith but that's something so personal, it was even uncomfortable for ME to read it again now. Of course the later entries, after Shawn and I had just met and started dating, are fun to have as a record of/for our family, but again, does anyone else need to read this stuff? No. Anyway, it made me roll my eyes at my young self and want to pat her head at the same time, to let her know not to worry. Silly.

I have more to say but probably better stop here.

4 More Days...

Have I mentioned how much I MISS ALEX??? A lot. Alot, a lot. I want him back home with us, and I'm glad there are now only 4 more days until he will be here to request taco night and stare at his DS for hours on end. We, of course, have seen plenty of the aforementioned happy-kid pictures (refresh.... refresh), and even received a postcard from him, so I know he's enjoying himself. But still.

We had a nice week last week, and I had a nice 41st birthday. I was determined to enjoy the heck out of my day, even though it was a workday. Because we were "slow-living," Kate had time to kick me out of her room for a minute before breakfast ("I need to ... do something, Mommy..."). When she emerged, she had hidden behind her back a homemade birthday card, made with a gray marker on loose leaf paper. So sweet. She signed it, "Kate Kate," since I'm still allowed to call her that... occasionally. The weather was cool and cloudy, just the way I like it. Shawn gave me a gift card to the spa, which I want to schedule ASAP. For lunch, I had a bologna sandwich. That was funny. I was trying not to feel sorry for myself that all my co-workers, who might've taken me to lunch, were away in Europe. And I didn't. Actually, I'd rather they all be away in Europe, ha! So that was actually a gift. My manager even had flowers sent -- a yellow begonia plant that I hope I won't kill with my black thumb. The colleague who bought/delivered it told me she chose it because the color was bright and cheery, like me. Hahahaha! I laughed and said, "I hope so! Some days!" but what a compliment! A gift, to be told I'm seen that way, when I certainly don't feel like I project "cheer" around the office! After work and gymnastics camp, we went to dinner at the local delicious Cajun place and ate until we felt sick. (I think this is good?) There were both a molten lava chocolate cake and a pink vodka drink.

The rest of the week was equally fine. Kate enjoyed her time at gymnastics camp, I think, and made a new friend, who lives in our neighborhood! On Friday evening, the two of them played in the cul-de-sac and I met the parents. We exchanged cell phone #s so now we're friends, I guess. ;) It's great for her to find someone to play with! I hope they'll make lots of memories together. Tuesday evening, Kate and I swam at the Country Club. Just to check it out, you know. It was good! I accidentally talked to another mom, just for a minute, after her son looked like he might drown and I offered him a hand. She seemed nice. We intended to go back yesterday, but after a sleepover, Kate was invited to swim at their country club instead. The fancy-pants one, to which it seems a lot of her classmates' parents belong. She had fun and was well worn-out last night, crying spectacularly at bedtime to prove it.

This week (it's Monday, boooo), more of the same. Except the coworkers are back and so I'm  fast-living again. ;) Meh. Not complaining. Work, Shmerk, right? Type type type and act happy and collect the money (and carefully monitor the interesting "Senior Copywriter - Virtual" job op I've recently seen) ....and go home to the actual life. It's all one reality, but the good part is clearly good. No need to dwell on the other.

Slow(er) living for one week

Today my morning was wonderful. Kate's gymnastics camp doesn't start in the mornings until 8:30, and is closer to home than to work. So I woke up at the normal time, got dressed and made coffee, and checked my email while letting her sleep in. Luxury! She slept until 7:00, and then we had plenty of time for breakfast together (scrambled eggs and a bowl of fruit), and sitting on the front porch before we left the house. It's going to be a great week of this kind of slow living.

Alex is safely at Winshape for the next 12 days. When we left, it was thunderstorming and he was concerned. And maybe a little emotional/nervous, also. Not sure why since he's been there 3x before, but Dad made a good point, that maybe he realizes what he's missing at home, now that he's older. Poor kid. I hated to leave him while that was going on but I don't think the storm lasted long, and they like the parents to get the kids in, then get outta town. No dawdling. I know he's going to have a great time. Horseback riding, Swimming, Tennis, and Secret Ops are some of his "skills." I can't wait for pictures (just tried to login to the secure site and yesterday's are not uploaded yet... refresh...refresh...I'm feeling very impatient. Need to see the kid's smile to reassure me).

A few Friday tidbits

Sent in our application for "The Club." It's just money, right, Shawn? (I still don't think he's convinced or happy about it, but he agreed to try it for one year. Compromise.) Swimming pool, ahoy! Waiting with bated breath for them to get back to me. Saw a picture/video on FB of the End-of-School Pool Party and it was stupid crowded! Ack. I hope it's not like that all the time. We'll have to be choosy about when we go. Also saw some flyers for upcoming events. They're doing a Father's Day Picnic on the Lawn, and a June 5 Wine Tasting event... doesn't sound too terrible. One champagne event I saw would, all by itself, reach the minimum food/beverage spend of $150/quarter (it was $75 per adult ticket). Date nights, ahoy, too! We'll see how it shakes out.

Can you join a social Club and not have to talk to anyone? (Haha, Only kidding....) (Mostly.)

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Yesterday afternoon I had a brief rehearsal for a wedding at which I've been asked to sing this June. It was a rehearsal with the violinist. Kind-of weird since... no piano accompanist. But the mother of the bride, who's coordinating everything, really wanted us to meet. I'm a pretty confident soloist these days; I sing frequently at church, I'm 40 and I've been singing since I was 12, and it's NBD anymore. Well, right before I left for the practice (at this guy's house), I made the mistake of Googling his name + violin. Turns out he's the Assistant Principal Second Violin with the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. !! Got a tad nervous at that point. Eep! A real live professional musician, and... little ol' me.

In the end, nothing at all to worry about. He was very kind, his wife and 3 kids were there, too, and I was "in good voice." I think my particular voice is well-suited to sing with violin -- something about the two timbres together works, which I was not aware of. I didn't even screw up. I think I appeared to be qualified. HA! We'll be in a pretty large church downtown in Atl., not miked, but hopefully the acoustic will carry my not-so-big sound well enough to be heard.

It was so fun to pretend to be a legit musician. Just hanging out, 1/2 hour practice with my legit musician friend. From the ASO. You know. Do this all the time.

(Squeeeeeee)

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I'm hoping Ann won't text me today about walking, since I desperately need to make a run to WalMart to return some shorts that Kate didn't like (the girl is difficult to buy for and has no shorts for summer! Just bike shorts, which she insists on wearing with regular (short) t-shirts, a look which I do not approve) -- and get stuff for Alex for camp. Plus, I forgot my shoes (on purpose). Plus-plus, it's too hot.

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Alex leaves for camp on Sunday. I haven't begun ANYTHING for it, not laundry, not care packages and cards (we leave them there when we drop him off so everything has to be done in advance), nothing. I'm sensing a bit of hesitance on his part, this year. Like two weeks seems too long and maybe he doesn't want to go. But he has said, and I know, that he'll have a blast and 2 weeks will fly by for him. Oh, this "letting go" thing of parenting. Do not like.

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How are all you people?

Here we go...

And so begins summer! The kids both slept until 6:15 (instead of 6). They got to choose their own clothes this morning and we were able to take things just a touch more slowly (we weren't leaving the house until 7:00, as opposed to 6:45 during the schoolyear). No lunchboxes required this week! These are tiny things, yes, but I am letting them make a difference to me, because they do. The morning rush was just slightly nicer.

Oh, I know this summer is going to FLY. Except that 2nd week of Alex being away at Winshape when I'm missing him most (and Kate will be missing him by that time, too, I predict). The kids know the June schedule by heart at this point. This week, KRK. Next week, Winshape and Gymnastics. Week after, Winshape and KRK. Week after, Art Camp. Then BEACH WEEK! They're excited about all of it, I think.

Today I wrote down a few Summer Goals, hopefully fun things, inspired by another mom's blog post. They are:

1. Finish the Easter puzzle! It's sitting on our dining room table looking sad. The kids suggested this morning that we should come in after camp, get a snack and work on it together for 10 minutes a day. I am liking that idea! How are they so smart?! 
2. Bike riding. I would really, really love for both kids to learn to ride bikes without training wheels this summer. Shawn, would you be okay with them riding in the backyard? Maybe around the perimeter to damage the grass a little less? And, we'd need to pick up a new used bike for Alex, who has totally outgrown his current bike.  
3. Reading. I think I'd like to assign that they each read/finish 4 chapter books on their own. Could be summer reading assignments for school, but manga, anime and comic books don't count in this instance (usually I let them count). Maybe I'll incentivize this with a gift card to Barnes and Noble if they accomplish it.  
4. Swimming (Kate). It would be awesome if she'd get over her fear of going all the way under. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't, and that's fine, but we could work on it. 
5. [Screentime Limits]. Ay-yi-yi. YouTube videos and Nintendo DS are trying to burn themselves onto Alex's retina and he willingly sits there glass-eyed, letting them in. I don't know how, but I've got to got to got to limit his time on the devices when he's home with us. At Winshape and Boy Scout camp, it's not allowed, so no problem there. And at my mom and dad's and even the beach, I'm happy to let the rules relax a little, but.... I just can't have him spending whole days, like he did over Memorial Day weekend, with his head down. Meanwhile, he's saying he would like his OWN YouTube channel to upload [nonsense] he finds interesting, like  his commentary while opening Buddy Fight card packs, and his narration of the playing of video games. This is what the 10-year-old boys find fascinating. One, why?!?, and two, how to allow this with all the right safety rules while still allowing it be "his" thing? And it's more time at the computer/device, of course, to create the stupid videos. I suppose it could make him a six-figure salary like it has other "Internet rock stars," but.... Urgh. All the way around.

 Still: Have I mentioned I'm sooooo glad to have a break from homework? I AM SO GLAD.

To Club or not to Club?

Before we bought our house, I inquired at the neighborhood across the street, which has a golf/tennis/pool/country club, if non-residents could be members. They said yes. We didn't have time last summer to take it any further, but as THIS summer gets closer, I'm somehow wanting a place for us to swim. On the weekends, in the evenings after long days at work or daycare or camp, I just feel like it would be nice to have somewhere to swim. (We bought a slip'n slide last summer, in lieu of having a place to swim, and I think Shawn would agree we don't really want to do that to our yard again. It kind-of kills the grass. And makes us nervous about wasting water, besides.)

I went to the Country Club this morning and walked around with the Membership Director. Who was, by the way, about 30 years old, if that, and wearing a hoodie, tennis shoes, glasses, and her hair was normal. Not coiffed. She was not AT ALL how you would have pictured her. She wants to have a Star Wars movie-on-the-lawn event, which told me just about all I needed to know. I liked her, is what I'm saying. She seemed like a normal person. I realize she'd be considered "The Help," if there were any rude, snotty people involved, but I liked her. I saw the stodgy retirees playing golf on a Wednesday morning, no surprise, but, well... I won't ever be there on a Wednesday morning! And I did not need to polish my one piece of monogrammed silver jewelry before I left this morning, is what I determined. Hee hee.

I think our hesitation is, are we "Club" people or not? We don't feel like we are. (Although we could have easily bought a house in that neighborhood, I guess.) Friends who know the area tell me that this particular club isn't the hoity-toity one -- and it obviously isn't, since we don't have to be recommended or invited by an already-approved club member in order to join. It doesn't even look like we'd have to dress up TOO much -- she did say that for some weekend dinners it's tablecloths and "dressier" but also that, if you're swimming, you can throw on a cover-up and come eat lunch in the dining room.

The fees for a social/pool membership are, I think, entirely reasonable. But would we choose to have dinner or a drink there, or would we just be going there because we have to achieve the minimum food and beverage spend? That, I don't know, and there's no way TO know unless we try it.

I would like to take my Mom and Dad there for Sunday brunch, when they visit. ;) And the kids to swim. And maybe that Star Wars movie!

Friends are like flowers....beauuuuutiful flowers...

(HA!! I hadn't thought of that refrain in a long time, but when I put my cursor in the Title box and thought about my topic, that is what came out! "Songprayers" 1981, for the win!)

Friends are good to have around. Especially slightly pushy, but overly complimentary and athletic friends.

Ann has been telling me for weeks that my little bit of weight loss is showing in my face. So complimentary.

Ann has,as you know, just been a kidney donor, and recovered from that, and is not-so-secretly jealous that I've been losing weight while she has been gaining it.

Ann is also the mother of the bride, this June, and eager to get 20 pounds removed from her person. (Ann does not need to do anything at all. She is lovely.)

So anyway, she pulled up to my parked car the other day while I was doing my volunteer job at the school, and talked to me through her open window. Or, I should say, she talked at me, about how she really thinks I look great, and she just "needs the accountability, you know...? and are you doing WeightWatchers? and [she] looooooves to walk... and used to walk with a friend who.... well, never mind..." and.... I think what happened next was that I agreed that she and I would start walking at my office building at noon on Mondays and Fridays.

Just like that. ("I'm just a girl who can't say no, I'm in a turrible fix!")

It's great to have an appointment to workout, especially since I've been lamenting and wishing I could stick with an exercise plan... but not sticking with it, or even starting it, on my own. And it's super-great (sarcasm) to walk with someone who walks JUST about a minute per mile faster than I walk (or else it's the 2 inches height she's got on me). She won't slow down to stay with me, so I am forced to go faster than I would normally go and yet I still stay about 6 inches behind her. Ugh. But we've walked twice now and I'm glad. Also scared because I get the feeling we're doing this now, for good, even when it starts to get stupid hot in Georgia summer. Eeks.

Today, cooling off in the office locker room after our 2 miles in 27 minutes (!), I remembered when I was spending lots of my time in there, and I smiled with the idea of getting back to feeling smug and in my fitness "zone." 

Anniversary

Fourteen is my lucky number.

And on this day, fourteen years ago, right now, I was having my hair done for my role as THE BRIDE. What a lucky girl I have been, then and now.

This morning I woke up, gathered up my gift and card to take downstairs to the kitchen table to leave waiting for him, when he got up. Of course, he had already beaten me to the punch, and I found a gift bag with my name on it right by the coffeemaker, where he knew I would see it. Two beautiful new charms for my Pandora bracelet, exactly the ones I was hoping for. (He's been filling up charm bracelets for me since we started this gig, the first one being a tiny diamond-ring-shaped one, the night he proposed.)

I don't know how to say all the things I feel about our marriage and our relationship, and they're not the things for a blog anyway, really, but this morning I am definitely thinking about us, reading the tales and memories I've managed to capture, and how it has been so perfect all these years. I want to bathe in it. I feel secure in it.

You still make me laugh. You make me smile (even when I don't want to). We go well together -- work, play, tedious or exceptional days. That's love, that's marriage. That's all there is to it. xo

Shawn & Lee

Est. 4.28.01

Forgot my phone.

I have to admit this to Shawn at least once a week after I arrive at the office.

(Or turn around if I remember before exiting the subdivision.)

So I just want everyone to recognize how really, truly amazing it is that I'm able to keep most of my other shit together as well as I do.

Surprises and gratitude

One of the things I'm so grateful for, and feel compelled to report, is that Kate's mornings and evenings are finally settled, and going better. (JINX.) Mornings have started to surprise me, even. She is able to wake up and she WANTS to be the first kid downstairs, dressed and ready. Some days I leave her snoozing in her bed, to go get my socks or say hello to Alex. "I'll give you a few more minutes, Sweetie..." and when I come back, her light is on and she's tying her shoes, for heaven's sake. Blows me away.

I still can't get her to comb her hair on a daily basis, but hey. Fridays is good. Baby steps.


In the evenings, her preferred routine hasn't shortened at all (in fact it might take longer?) but it has ...matured...(?) to this:

• We read chapter books together for 10 or 20 minutes (there are some Tinkerbell/fairy ones - the Never Girls collection -  she likes a lot, as one of the heroines is named Kate and another one is Mia (the name of a friend of hers), or Junie B. Jones books that we've read at least 3 times before, or she kind-of enjoyed a couple of Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew).
• She then spells out exactly what she wants in her lunchbox the next day, and for her 2 snacks, and admonishes me to remember a water bottle.
• She asks me to "give her" a dream, and I've fairly surprised myself by being able to come up with something dream-like and creative on the fly, something different every night... once it was "dream you're tiny and you're playing in a huge tub of popcorn with your friends, and you slide down into it, then toss the popcorn to each other, then eat some, then..." here she interrupts me to add her own embellishments, like "and everything in the world is there? Every thing? a girl could ever want?" And I say, "Sure. It's your dream." and go on like this and try to give her a few things so that her eyes will stay closed for a minute longer after she "starts to dream it." 
• I rub her back while playing her a "Lullaby" playlist that I made on my iPhone (woe to me if I forget the phone, though she's usually willing to go all the way downstairs if it means she'll get to listen to her songs.). The list includes: Amy Grant's "Say Once More," Sting's "Fields of Gold," The Free Design's "Love You" (a song I discovered/listened to when she was an infant), The King's Singers' rendition of Billy Joel's "Goodnight, My Angel," and finally Don Henley singing "Annabel."

It's sweet. Long, but sweet. No more fussing and fighting when I leave. Forever and ever Amen.

There are nights when I make a date with Alex instead. We've been reading Harry Potter IV, The Goblet of Fire, and just finished it this week. I didn't cry. Miracle. Every other night with him, really, would be my preference, but on the other hand, he's older and likes to read by himself more than she does. I find it amusing that he'll read awhile, and then when I come in, he hands the book to me, tells me where he left off, and rolls over to listen to me read the rest.
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He and I had to use our time once last week to read through a very long, required section of his new Boy Scout manual, about avoiding abuse. Yuck. It was yucky. And weird. But as many times as I've read Mir K.'s "under the sink" story, one of the funniest mom-blog posts of all time, I knew that acknowledging that it was weird and awkward and embarrassing would make it better. We got through it. Kid needs to figure out Santa Claus ASAP, though, and let me know, because it's almost time for him to hear the rest of that whole conversation (I think they're starting to approach it in "Family Life" at school (5th grade). I can't have him knowing about s-e-x before he knows about Santa). Yipes. Anyway, GOOD QUALITY TIME talking with my boy is so important to me.
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Spring Break was wonderful. Everything I wanted. The kids swam, the weather was nice so the grown-ups could sit outside, I didn't HAVE to swim with them, but I did, once, we felt the sand under our feet and smelled the healing salt-air at the beach, we hung out with cousins, we had a big dinner party with the fam, and we had the great mornings around the kitchen table that Kate said she loves. I read my book a lot. My parents are the best. I loved every minute of it, and even the driving wasn't so bad.
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It's Friday. GRAAAAAAATEFUL. This week hasn't been too terrible at work. Just your regular assignments and interruptions. Let it be, let go of expectations. Do good work (and keep in touch). I tell myself these things. The mid-week days I look forward to, because after work on Tuesday I take Kate to gymnastics, and on Wednesday I take Alex to piano, and I love attending both of those things. It's free time for me to read, while they're learning and having fun. So those days aren't so bad at all, and by then I've made it to Thursday already.

Countdown to Spring Break

I'm starting to feel excited about our Spring Break plans to go to Pensacola. Still feel guilty over Shawn not coming. When we talked about how we'd divide up the week to cover the kids' week off, we knew we wouldn't have overlapping days off. Always a bummer. But I started feeling a little jealous of all the families (on FB; Rrrrrrr, FB - one of its major drawbacks) who were planning their trips to wherever. We always have our summer vacation week and our annual road trip to see Nanny, and have definitely painted Disney red a few times. So our kids are not deprived by any means. Oh, and our lovely Spring Break day in Chattanooga 2 years ago, being touristy.

BUT, since last year we stayed at home and hung out with the real estate agent on various days, and the year before that, we had old-house repairs done before our one day in TN, I thought maybe this year we should have somewhat of a vacation, not just 5 "days off at home." I mean, if I had my druthers I'd spend an entire week reading, doing an hour of yoga, having coffee on my front porch, taking walks and hikes and picnics, playing board games for an hour, maybe shopping. And that would restore me and I would be so grateful. But (they would never just leave me alone and agree to 1 hour of games, and) I know how it is when you're a kid. A whole week off is this big invitation to possibility! Maybe it will be FUN! Filled with excitement!

SO. Shawn's taking Monday and Tuesday (there have been mentions of arcades and putt-putt), and I'm taking Wed-Thurs-Fri, and the 3 of us will head out Thursday morning to drive to my parents',  conveniently located on the Gulf Coast. It's a good deal I've got, no? Anytime I want, a house near the beach with a pool. I've requested a little dinner party so we can hang out with cousins and aunt and uncle and make merry, and I would like to drive over to the beach one day, too.

Like I said, I'm sad about Shawn's absence. We've never vacationed apart, although I know that couples do it all the time and it shouldn't be a big deal. It isn't, really, but I know he'd like a vacation, too. Sorry, honey. I'm only going for the kids. ;) We'll Skype you every night. (Or we'll leave you alone to watch action movies and play Xbox in peace.) xo

Annual-Lee

Time for my annual "I'm holding on by a thread re: Summer Scheduling and planning" post. Mix in a dash of Too Many Work Tasks that I also can't seem to keep track of (why so many online programs that generate not only tasks, but also email reminders of the tasks, Work? GAH) and you've got one mama who drinks wine on Tuesday evenings. And maybe Wednesdays, too.

Bleh. For once, this year, I feel like the kids won't be "stuck" too many weeks at their daycare summercamp, and as far as I can tell, the weeks they will be going there, at least there are field trips and swimming planned. I appreciate the summer calendars they create in February. I hope they're accurate. (They're not.)

Anyway, here's the lineup:

May 25-29 Memorial Day Weekend. I suppose we'll go to Nanny's for MD Weekend as usual, though we haven't actually spoken with her or planned it yet. When we get back: KRK

Jun 1-5 Alex will be at Winshape. Kate, as of 5 minutes ago, is signed up for a 9-5 camp at her Gymnastics Academy.

Jun 8-12 Alex will still be at Winshape, and Kate wants to attend "American Girl camp" held at a Christian school near here. I'm not opposed to that, just need to figure out how to register for it (and ask them if it requires an actual AG doll or if a Target knock-off will suffice).

Jun 15-19 They are both signed up for an Art Camp at one of the county parks. Woo! I'm happy about that one. Something different, something together. They both love art. The theme is "The Case of the Stolen Statues" in the mornings, and they'll do clay handbuilding (not pottery wheels) in the afternoons.

Jun 22-26 Destin! Family vacation! Thank you, mom and dad!

Jun 29-Jul 3 Pensacola! Shawn and Lee get a week "off" from our parenting jobs. Thank you, mom and dad!

Jul 6-10 KRK  I was considering another week at gymnastics, and letting Alex go there, too, but it would cost more than $500 and KRK is only around $375.

Jul 13-17 Alex goes to BSA camp in North Carolina. TOO FAR AWAY! Mama doesn't like. Kate I think will go to KRK that week.

Jul 20-24 Both to KRK

Jul 27-31 Both to the other grandma's in Savannah. In fact, since we couldn't send them there last year or the year before, I'm hoping she'll be up for keeping them through August 7. School starts after that, but KRK is closed, NATURALLY, the week of Aug 3-7. Argh.

I won't say I hate summer, but I do hate one thing: I hate being 40 years old but still having to delicately ration my/our vacation days. I wish American companies would be more generous with vacation time (and mine is, actually, pretty generous in comparison). Is that too much to ask?

3 Good Nights in the Bank!

Tuesday I put myself to bed at 9:45. Wednesday and Thursday nights, 10:00. I've been reading for about 15 minutes before I fall asleep, with Soundscapes playing on the the TV in the background.

Immediately Wednesday morning I felt better than I had both Monday and Tuesday. Psychological? Maybe. Still, I'll take it. The sleep and the good book! (Rysa Walker's Time's Edge.) It was enough to make me take a walk at lunch (that and the weather). I took walks Thursday and today, too. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when Kate suggested, after school, that she and I take a walk while Alex finished up his homework! My girl is picking up good habits! And I was feeling the afternoon slump so a walk was JUST the thing. Yay. It's another of those easy things: You can whine about it, wish it were different, or you could just DO IT.

All that to say: Stop complaining, self. Jeez. How often do I read things like

"We multiply what we magnify."

and

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."

and blah blah blah? I mean, I could seriously read all day about happiness and mindfulness and living with intention and all of that, and not get bored. I love it! I agree with it! And yet.

ANYWAY.

Sleep is it. 

Collection, part 2

Um.

This does not seem to be getting better. I know I said I'm too sleepy to appreciate work or love anyone, but here are a few notes:

4....there's not a lot of friendly chatter. Ever. I can even instigate with a, "How was your weekend? Did your garage door get fixed?" (a fact known only by the email stating she would arrive late due to a repair appointment). The answer comes swiftly, "I have to get it replaced... so, yeah, that's a bummer. The weather was nice, though. Kids and I were outside a lot."

The End. Start meeting.

No reciprocal niceties, is what I'm saying. Who does business like this? I get "efficiency" but... you can afford to have a quick chat and act interested in your teammates. Direct reports. Whatever.

5....Secretarial work. Many assignments of filling in Excel spreadsheets. I am NOWHERE job-described as the Marketing Admin. But I am surely being treated as such. I'm trying like hell to cooperate and be willing, and help her get the department where it needs to be in order to move forward with purpose (I'll give her that we're starting from a very rough and reactive "strategy"). However. Excel spreadsheets that must be filled in line by line, with info that one finds using Google, are jobs for an INTERN.

Sleep, again

Besides my lack of a cardio habit, I think I'm not getting enough sleep every night. My typical weeknight's sleep is about 6 hours, which, according to all the Internet experts, isn't enough. I need at least one more hour. Shawn's laughing right now because he is sure I get plenty of sleep. On the couch, when I'm "supposed" to be watching our TV shows. But it doesn't count.

What I actually need is to give up sitting with Kate for 15 minutes -- 30-40 if I fall asleep -- while waiting for her to fall asleep. No duh, right? I'm embarrassed to say I really don't know how to make that transition. I tried enough times when she was 3, 4, 5... that I finally gave up trying. She's only little once, after all. My heart still tells me that's a truth, but my mind is wishing it could use the 9 o'clock hour instead of losing (most of) it. She needs to get to bed earlier, too, something that she is unlikely to accept.

I think it wouldn't be a big deal, except that it makes everything else a big deal. I know my lack of sleep affects my ability to perform well at work, for example. It makes me, for lack of a better word,  grumpy when I'm here. I definitely have a hard time with focus. I flit from one thing to another aimlessly. And I have this low-level simmer of hating everything. Probably.... not healthy for body or spirit.

Friday thoughts

What a week we've had! We ended up with three snow days, after Kate's sick day. I told them this morning, "Have a good day at school... I hope you remember what to do!"

There was actual snow on Wednesday afternoon. It was gorgeous; came down in huge, fat flakes. Biggest I've ever seen. We let it fall for an hour or so before going out to play. An immediate snowball fight ensued. The kids' sheer delight about being out in the snow -- I mean, it's pure, pure happiness giggling up out of their souls -- makes the whole thing worth it.

I worked from home Tuesday afternoon, all day Wednesday, and Thursday morning; then our darling babysitter, a high school senior, came over around 11 yesterday so I could speed to the office for an afternoon. It felt like an eternity.

I both appreciate off-routine weeks, and get flustered by them. I forgot a critical event that's taking place this Saturday, when everything ELSE is also taking place -- so Mom and Dad, I hope you're up for a marathon day. Kate's choir sings this weekend at the 5:30pm Mass. (Backing up: Alex's piano recital, 4pm. Pinewood Derby, 7am - 3pm-ish.) Perhaps margaritas after, if we survive all that.

Now it's Friday, and I really should try to focus on writing one of the 3 articles assigned to me and due March 23 ("or earlier!" they say, hopefully. Stupidly...). I have become so last-minute with things. I get things done in time for deadlines. I think I should do them earlier than that. (Tax return, I'm looking at you.) So maybe on Monday, I'll get the photo album I absolutely need for Tuesday. Maybe the art I'd like to hang before Friday, and the rug. Or maybe I won't.

I got a half-day vacation for Gumbo Party day, so I'm doing a little of my vow to "take more time off." (It helps that I get another week this year, since I've passed the 5-year mark.) It works out because the kids have that half-day off, too (unless the school decides to use it for a make-up day), so they won't have to stay in after-care from noon until 5. Gosh, I hate when that has to happen. So far this year, I think it's only been once. Shawn used to have furlough days he had to take once a month, and we would schedule them on those days. They were a bummer (no pay), but also pretty handy.

Yoga in the morning, in my cubicle, before anyone else has arrived at work and when the lights are still off, helps me start the day nicely. Breathing. I'm feeling pressure that I need to be walking every day. I keep seeing ads from a local hospital about how every adult needs to walk 150 minutes a week -- 30 minutes a day, 5x a week -- and I have wanted to add that back to my life for a long time now. I've lost more than half the weight I wanted to lose with WW -- still working on that -- but I think adding the stupid cardio would help, and obviously it's better for LIFE. Argh. Yesterday I found the treadmill at the office and took a 10-minute walk. In my work clothes, and boots (they're flats). It's not ideal, but it's something.

Oooh, plans!

Lots of stuff going on this week and next, so what better than to waste precious half-hours here telling a few people and my future self about it?! Hee.

1. The Pinewood Derby was supposed to have been this weekend -- our very last Cub Scouting event -- but it was postponed until next weekend because there was a very small threat of snow and ice. We no longer take those threats lightly in metro ATL! So, next weekend, fine, but now we have that, which usually lasts from 7:30 a.m. check-in until 3:00 p.m. clean-up, and then Alex's very first piano recital, at 4:00 p.m.! Whee! Should be a fun day. I hope the PWD finishes on time. I'm so, so excited about the recital. The kids have never even attended a music recital, much less participated. I'm nervous for him, and proud of him, already and all at once. He'll play two little pieces.

2. Kate had tummy trouble all weekend. She did nothing but lie on the couch Sat., and Sun., and chose to stay home from school today (totally legit, she did have a fever last night). It was Shawn's turn so she's been at his office, charming everyone and being good watching "Frienemies" on the iPad. She does feel better, I think, but is pretty weak from not having eaten anything much for 2 days. It isn't really worth mentioning except that they're calling for possible snow again overnight, so I'm worried she'll have ANOTHER day off school tomorrow. We'll see. The snow days are fine until they combine with sick-days. Then I start to get fretful for some reason. Like I can prevent snow-days! OR sickness. Dumb. Anyway, it's good that Shawn and I can share the sick-day responsibilities, and that I have a laptop.

3. The Gumbo party is happening! In my Mom's family we called it "Sacrificial Gumbo" because it was SOOOO TERRIBLE to have to have no meat. Ha ha. So anyway, I sent an Evite to 5 families yesterday. It took me a while to get up the courage to press "Send," however stupid that is -- and we already have three positive responses! Yay! I think we'll need to set up a card table in the den. It's a real party when you have to set up a card table, amiright?? But luckily, we bought a card table just a couple of weeks ago! (Still need chairs.) Don't worry, I'll put a tablecloth over it.

We want to do a little more decorating before people come over, and obviously a lot of straightening up (Kate's toys/pillows/shoes currently COVER the living room floor) but again, no stress about how the house looks or doesn't look. I'm trying to remember this, a brilliant article I may have already linked to that deserves a second read. There is no need to pressure ourselves to have Pinterest-worthy, Houzz-worthy homes before we host a get-together. Just bring people in. They're coming for the company, and maybe the food, and that's why we're having them -- not to show them our custom valences. (We will likely never have custom valances!) Yes, we'd like to have something on the wall behind our couch -- going to look this week -- and something that fits better, and is in a frame, above our bed, assuming anyone wants a "tour" of the still-new house. And the powder room downstairs could use a little something. Those should be easy enough to find, yes? We can do those.

So I'm planning shrimp gumbo, french bread, Kraft mac-and-cheese for the kids who don't want to even TRY gumbo (...Kate), maybe a veggie tray and a fruit tray, and wine and beer and lemonade. Done. Easy. We'll sit wherever. Some folding chairs in the kitchen to round out the seating options, and I think we'll be good.

I like being the hostess, I learned last weekend at Kate's birthday slumber party. Well, I mean, I've long known it. So now that we're in the house, we're mentally ready, and we actually have friends, I'm forging ahead. More parties! Huzzah!

Collection

Hrm. Another dip in the line of "do I like my new manager or not?"

I need a place to collect grievances. (No, I don't like being this picky/grumpy, but already it feels like I might need the list to refer to in the future.)

1. Scratched on her phone all during my B2B presentation. On her first day.
2. Has been given responsibility for print projects for the US. Immediately used me in a rather secretarial way, asking me to do something (get print estimates) that is absolutely NOT in my current job description.
3. Sent me an early-morning request to write "Sales Scripts" for telephone and email --- something I've never, ever done -- and gave me ONE DAY, assuming I had nothing else on my schedule, I guess. When I told her I could spend an hour on it today, she replied, "This is priority."

Stay tuned.

One to One (1:1) Meeting

New Manager and I had our first 1:1 meeting. (It bothers me very much that a couple of colleagues call these "One on One" meetings..... Uhh, no thank you. Ha!) It went extremely well, to my surprise. She was engaged and listened, took a lot of notes, agreed with me about my "pain points" (she had asked me for those), gave me some great suggestions/tasks, and I feel quite good, now, about having her on board. We talked about schedules and she seems to have not one problem with flex-time, exactly as I'd hoped and imagined she wouldn't (BECAUSE REAL PEOPLE in THE 21st CENTURY DON'T). So thank God.

In the past few weeks, I've been trying to be more analytical and strategic about my job. This maybe is interesting to no one, but our websites' traffic has been the lowest of all our subsidiaries (UK, France, Germany, Austria, etc.) for a couple of months. U.S. was highlighted RED in the spreadsheet! "Critical performer!" ACK. This would not stand, so I've been researching, and SEO-ing, and trying my darndest to pull the numbers up. (And my tactics seem to have worked for January! I feel so proud!) What I've learned is that I REALLY like that stuff. I get deeply involved with it, and time seems to fly. A revelation. I'm so anxious, now, to make analytics and strategy more a part of my daily round.

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Group "Meetings:"

Last weekend Shawn and I had two fun dinners with friends. (We have FRIENDS! Sorry, but it's still exciting.) Our favorite group of 5th-grade parents, 8 of us total, went to an expensive-ish restaurant on the night of the school's annual fundraising gala. We boycotted the gala! It was funny, we've declared it a tradition now. And we had SUCH fun. Laughed and laughed.

The next night we'd been invited to the Cubmaster and his wife's house, to plan the boys' last ceremony before they all cross over to Boy Scouts. (Time flies!) They're ...interesting people, maybe not our first choice, but SO nice nonetheless, and we drank white wine and the kids all played happily together, and it was a nice way to spend the spring-like afternoon.

And I'm putting this here so I don't forget: During Lent, we are going to host a Sacrificial Gumbo party on a Friday night. (Seafood gumbo, of course.) Kids and parents. Casual - I don't want to stress about it. In fact, I'm going to hop over to my G-cal right now and figure out what date I can plan this event.

Humbled updating

I have to update you lovely people about my friend/choir director who needs a kidney transplant. There is good news. But first, a little story I may never have shared.

When I first joined the choir, a woman named Ann was very kind to me. I knew exactly No One at the church or in our town, really, but she, a fellow soprano, charmed me right away with just the right kind of snarky looks and giggles that first rehearsal -- about the terrible pitch in the alto section, or the stupidity of the then-director's hymn choices. I was comfortable with her from the word go. She was pregnant at the time, Alex was around 8 months old, so we bonded. She invited me to her baby shower - again, I knew nobody but was grateful for a chance to meet some women. We joined another choir together which held rehearsals and concerts all over Atlanta, so we drove together many times. She shared some pretty deep secrets with me. As I got to know Ann, I came to understand she was very much like another of my best friends -- outwardly confident to a fault, almost, but pretty insecure on the inside. Like most of us. Anyway, time marched on.

Once, a couple of years ago, when her son (he was born, heh) had just joined the Cub Scouts, she thought it was funny to make jokes like, "Yeah, I let him join up, but told him not to let anyone FEEL him up!" or some such, referencing the BSA's historic trouble with pedophilia. Lovely. I let the first couple of times slide. But during a choir party (the drama I alluded to in that post), I asked her how was he liking scouts, and she cracked about it AGAIN, and I'd had enough. "You need to really shut up about that," I said, calmly, I thought. I went to the dessert table. My husband is one of the pack leaders, I know the other leaders and they're GOOD guys, and my Dad was/is an Eagle Scout - I don't want Scouting to be disparaged every time it comes up in conversation. She did need to cut it out - it wasn't going to help her son, either, to give him that kind of impression (I don't know if she was saying things like this within his earshot, but she... doesn't have much of a filter). She did not take kindly to this. Long story short, we had a VERRRRY drawn-out texting argument (juvenile) that night after the party. She accused me of being a jerk, I tried to defend my feelings.... it was ugly. I was hurt. She apparently was too.

We've since made up, mostly, and gone on with our lives, friendly enough, but I've not really let go of it completely. Mostly I haven't been able to forgive myself for holding a big grudge... but I've not really forgiven her either, totally. My opinion of her has certainly been diminished (not just because of that incident). I know she's good at heart, and has had significant sadness in her life, but. I don't like confrontation, and I still don't like that she accused ME of wrongdoing in that instance.

Well. Have you concluded yet, the end of this story? Ann is the kidney donor. Evidently she wrote John a letter and gave it to him Christmas morning (I was not there), and there was not a dry eye in the choir. The surgery is now scheduled for March 7. It was a holy moment when I found out. I mean, I was FLOORED, really. Not that she would offer, because it doesn't surprise me, but because I never did. Couldn't. And it made me feel like, "Whoa. She's actually a much better person than me." I KNOW what you're going to say.... I know. But.... still. So I'm forgiving her a little more each day at this point, and coming to appreciate her for this new reason (SO glad for John), and it's all very emotional and complicated.

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I don't love the new work manager. She's okay. She's young, and that always seems weird, but I'd better get used to that since I'm only going to get older! She's not striking me as very "leader" like. We'll see -- it's only been a week, and she's been in training. (But for instance, yesterday I trained her and another woman about one of our websites, and she was on her phone the ENTIRE time. Truly. If I pointedly looked at her, she would look up and "Mm-hmm," but otherwise did not pay attention to my presentation. Grrr. Not impressed.)

Kate's 7th

We've been planning Kate's ... pardon me, Katelyn's (she is going by Katelyn in first grade, her teacher tells me)... birthday slumber party for a while now. In the fall, she was invited to a 5th-grader's birthday slumber party, because the 5th-grader has a 1st-grader sister who is Kate's BFF. Kate thought that party was The Bee's Knees, and she has wanted to do All The Sleepovers since she was much too young for them (3), because her brother was already sleeping over at friends' houses.... so a slumber party it finally is. We invited 5 girls: Calli (aforementioned BFF), Micah, Ady Grace, Reagan, and Kate (the other Kate). I love their names, and the girls themselves. I put them here so that someday after they've all moved on, I can have a nice happy memory of each of their sweet little faces. One declined (out of town), and we've heard from all but one of the remaining four, so it promises to be a fun night.

I want to have some sort of craft for them to do, so I'm going to hit Hobby Lobby and Party City this weekend. I'd thought decorating some no-spill water bottles would be a good idea; then, they could take drinks upstairs to the guest room/playroom safely. I am hopeful that room is where they'll mostly stay. We've set up a TV in there, and the Wii and Xbox 360, which should cover Just Dance and Kinect Party, two games that Kate likes. There are board games in the cabinet. Kate's dolls are (ahem) still in boxes in the closet... and all over the house, besides, so they could have an epic game of "House" or "Friends" or "School" or whatever. We can do a Netflix movie from the Wii, and then pizza and cake, and I have to figure out what's for breakfast. I'm thinking about these French Toast muffins. 

She wants a Barbie Dream House, and even though it's $165goodlord, I'm thinking of granting that wish. :) I kinda wanted one, too, when I was her age, though I might not have ever asked for it -- and heaven knows I still play Barbies (when she wears me down enough that I can't say no)....I'm sure I should willingly agree, because they're only young once, and all, but... well, at least with Barbies you can spend most of the time brushing their hair and changing their clothes.

WHY is it so hard to play pretend when you're a parent?? Is it that adult brains are filled with every other thing and there's no room for imagination? (Sad state.) Sometimes when I'm working in the kitchen, I can at least muster enough energy to call her "Emily," and she'll walk around with her purse, taking calls from "Derek," and taking care of the babies ("Layla" and "Avery" and recently, "Lisa"). It's SO uninteresting to me and I can't figure out why. You'd think it would still be fun! To act like a kid again? But... no. It isn't fun.

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Meanwhile, Alex's buddy, Brandon, will also be staying with us next week, from Wednesday night through Sunday afternoon. !! His parents are divorced, there was a scheduling conflict, and the mom asked for our help while she goes out of town. I was quick to say yes -- how can you say no to a single mom who needs help? Plus, she's very sweet -- and although it will be a bit chaotic, it's hardly a strain to have one more kid to take to and pick up from school. We're going that way already. I think it'll be fun for all the kids. (Mom, remember when Betsy and Patrick stayed with us for a couple of weeknights during the schoolyear? I do, somewhat fondly, and that's one reason I didn't think twice about saying yes. Breakfast cereal with friends before school just seems unusual and fun to me. Hee.) I hope he also likes ham sandwiches in his lunchbox!

Alex has been writing essays for his English class. Or, I should say, he has been worrying over essays for English class. I feed him ideas and then he can get going, but I'm not going to be able to do that for long or he'll start relying on me. He gets SO frustrated, but the end product is usually very good. I love that he's writing "for real." Compare and Contrast. Intro, Body Body Body, Conclusion. So fun!! OH, and he's using FORMULAS in math! Area of a triangle = b x 1/2h. (I always said "1/2bh", I think, but same thing. [isn't it?]) Math. Didn't realize how much I liked math until high school/college, I don't think.

These kids are growing up so fast. I'm glad they still need hugs and cuddles from Mommy. Kate still asks to be picked up and hugged on a daily basis -- last night I got a big, her-head-on-my-shoulder, lonnnnng hug -- and Alex initiates it more often than I would think he would at ten, and I'm a lucky, lucky Mom for both of those reasons. :)

Prepare for some good news

GET THIS: It is a Monday, but I feel FINE. !!! I know, right?

Here is why, I think: We went to bed at a reasonable hour last night (10-10:30), we slept without interruption (this had not been an issue until the last week or two, when Kate has remembered her younger years' habit and starting coming to see us periodically, around 4:00 am), my darling princess daughter got out of bed and FULLY DRESSED this morning without me, even though I was primed to gently and kindly lead her through it.... and the A-number-one reason.... my bothersome, stress-inducing team members are all away at a week-long meeting in Europe (again)! Woot woot! AND I have a list of tasks that I get to decide when to do, some that are just mindless updating/data entry-type things (which I enjoy), and none that are "OMG we have to do this RIGHT NOW."

THIS IS WHAT MAKES A HAPPY MONDAY. Bosses away, tasks to do quietly. HELL to the YEAH. I also made butternut squash soup last night for my healthy, 2-point lunch.

One other work update that makes me SO happy: My new direct manager, who begins today at said European meeting, (drumroll, pleeeeeeeease.....) HAS CHILDREN! This is a prayer answered, so thank you Jesus. Thank you, thank you. It is difficult to believe, but until the hiring of this woman, not one woman in our current upper management team could ever hope to understand the working-mom thing. Not the President, not the HR director, not the director of Marketing Global (my boss), not my friend/manager Sh@n, not my interim manager H0lly. Some of them have tried to SAY they understand, but in actual fact, they couldn't, because you simply can't unless you've done it. Anyway, the new manager was here for a minute last Friday and mentioned her kids  (s! Plural!) not once, but twice. This bodes well. Now, let's just hope I will actually like her as a person, and not just appreciate that she appreciates my personal situation.

Hallelujah! Happy Monday.

Weekdays, Piano Lessons

I've been searching for whatever heart-filling, peaceful glow I had a few weeks ago, I guess the remnants from Christmas Day (perfect day) and getting to spend all that time with the kids and my darling husband and parents, and reading that Drummer Girl essay that said "you are enough, just as you are..." and I'm not finding it, really. I suppose the hustle and bustle of the regular schedule is back - not that I feel overly rushed, just stepping in time to the rhythm of our days.

Monday, bummer of a day (always), work pitifully because my heart's never in it, 'til 4:30 and then homework, dinner, baths, bed, laundry. Tuesday, work, rush to carpool, homework, Kate to gymnastics (love), dinner, baths, bed. Wednesday, long day at work, pickup Alex, Kate to choir, Alex to piano lessons (NEW! more below!), homework, figure out something for dinner, bed, TV/laundry. Thursday, more of same, choir practice (dread going, enjoy once there). Friday, (almost finished good feelings), work, pickup kids, hope for dinner out somewhere easy like Chili's (kids have complained we're going to the nearby Mexican place too often, heh), crash on couch, FIN. Saturday and Sunday are busier still, errands and chores (sometimes I don't feel like Shawn or I ever sit down).

Routine is good, though. The kids are better with the routine and school. Summer's approaching fast, eeks, gotta get on that and start planning (again. already.), but for now we're in the thick of it. Fifth grade and first grade. Music lessons. Winter. It's good.

Alex - Piano! Yayyyyyy! When we quit jiu jitsu in June, we were either lazy or else we deliberately let him take a break from activities during the first semester. I'd like to think it was deliberate, but there was also an element of he-wasn't-interested-in-anything much. But during the fall, we'd say, "In January, we'll find you something new to try. Music lessons, or soccer, or something." And he grabbed onto the idea of piano lessons. I think the fact that his cousin Joey is a natural pianist has a big influence. I was, of course, thrilled, and have wanted the kids in music lessons for a long time (parenting FAIL until now!), because I know how good it was for me. BUT I didn't know how to find a good teacher. I emailed one or two last summer, after reading reviews/websites, and didn't hear back. Disappointing. Talked to a family friend about their teacher, who requires costumes and speaking parts of all her recital participants twice a year... NO THANKS. Don't have time for that nonsense! So last week, one day after school I thought, let's just try the local instrument store and see what they have. They had one opening on the very next day, with the teacher I thought looked best on their brochure. Boom. Signed Alex up and he is doing SO WELL after 2 half-hour lessons! (i didn't sign Kate up because she's doing choir for the first time this year, and it works out because now Alex will be "ahead" of her if she does ever start piano; that'll be good for his older-brother mentality/esteem.) Bastien Piano series for Beginners, which is how I learned, too, when I was five. :) He's surprised the teacher with how fast he's getting it.

I think it's great that he didn't start until now, actually -- maybe the hand of Divine intervention - because as I've been thinking about it, when boys start earlier, age 10 is about when they peter out and their interest wanes. I think we have the possibility of this carrying Alex into high school and hopefully further. We'll see. No pressure, son, hahaha. Mama just has goals for you. ;)

Last night he got a little frustrated while practicing. When he'd calmed down I whispered to him that I've known he was musical since he was a baby, and I meant it. He's always had good pitch, perfect rhythm - an ear for it. And his math talents come in handy, as well. So I know he'll get the parts he's having trouble on. Practice, practice, practice.

Good advice for my daily round, I guess, too.

Saint Claude de la Colombiere

I used Jennifer Fulwiler's Saint Name Generator to pick me a saint for 2015. I've tried it in the past and not had much interest in the saint that was picked for me, but today I got St. Claude de la Colombiere.

Feast day: Feb 15

Patron of turners (lathe-workers)

I'm trying not to read too much into something that was coded online as a spiritual or miraculous THING, but I did say a prayer, as the website suggests, before clicking, and I feel like this saint is interestingly appropriate for me:

He lived to be 41; I will be 41 in 2015.
His day, Feb 15, is Kate's birthday.
The lathe makes me think of "Lord of All Hopefulness," and verse two which says, "Lord of all eagerness, Lord of all faith, whose strong hands were skilled at the plane and the lathe, be there at our labors..."
My two biggest difficulties right now are learning to be a better mother to Kate, who is so different from me, and reconciling how I feel about my job/working.

This Christmas, I've also been trying hard to remember that I am enough, and this is what the prayer from this site says:

Lord, I am in this world to show Your mercy to others. Other people will glorify You by making visible the power of Your grace by their fidelity and constancy to You. For my part I will glorify You by making known how good You are to sinners, that Your mercy is boundless and that no sinner no matter how great his offences should have reason to despair of pardon. If I have grievously offended You, My Redeemer, let me not offend You even more by thinking that You are not kind enough to pardon Me. Amen. - Saint Claude de la Colombiere

Last of the Leftovers, hooray!

We ate the last of our holiday leftovers last night, HOORAY! Threw the rest out. We're done. But oh, did we eat some good things recently:

London Broil -- First time I used the broiler drawer in this new kitchen. I didn't even burn the meat; in fact, it was pretty rare on the first go-round. Almost too rare for my liking (sorry, Shawn). But it worked as a leftover, because putting it in the the microwave made it just right. I can't remember the recipe/marinade I used. During the holidays I put the steak on King's Hawaiian slider rolls, with Dijon and mayo, and THAT was yummy.

Lasagna -- Christmas Day dinner. So festive in my HUGE Lenox Holiday casserole dish! So easy. Even fun to put together! Dry noodles! I mostly made up the recipe from others I've used, but what you need to know is three things: Lean beef + Turkey sausage, cottage cheese + ricotta, and 28 oz pasta sauce + 1/2 to 1/3 C. water. It turned out perfect.

Mom and Dad made Meatloaf** -- the first weeknight they were here, Shawn and I came home to dinner already made! Meatloaf, which everyone in my house likes, plus a salad (I think) and the potatoes below. They even made a 2nd meatloaf that's in my freezer right now, so I won't have to think so hard about next week's menu! Yippie!

Pioneer Woman's Potato Casserole** -- I'm pretty sure it's this one, and it was creamy and amazing. The kids ate a few bites but haven't wanted any since. More for me! We made it with frozen hash browns instead of thin-sliced potatoes. Muuuuuch easier.

**The best part about this meal was that Kate walked through the kitchen while they were cooking, and the house was starting to smell really good, and she said, "Y'all are doing great for a 73-year old and a 68-year old!" We'll never forget it.

Another PW recipe: Christmas Tortilla Roll-Ups. Also another thing I didn't make, Mom and Dad did! SO delicious. There's Ranch dressing mix that makes these so flavorful! We might still have one wrapped up in the fridge; I forgot to check last night. Mostly I'm the only one in my family of four who likes them. I think they'd be good with added turkey, too. We did a lot of "appetizers" dinners, particularly on New Year's Eve (sometimes I've done that on New Year's Day, too, but not this year). My favorite!

Pork Tenderloin -- Easy, I bought a portabello mushroom flavored one. This was going to be NYD dinner, but instead, we had:

Sausage and Shrimp Gumbo. Shawn's request, and thank goodness he did! It was something fun to do that day with Mom, and warm and filling. Even the kids ate some (I did make a non-spicy version for them), which is what we call progress! Can't link to the recipe because it's a family one, and not online as far as I know, but MAN, did it turn out good. Especially the 2nd day. No leftovers on that one, nothing to throw out. We served it with rice and french bread because duh, that's the only way to eat gumbo. And Mom, we're going to practice more often, aren't we? We promised each other we would. :)