Of sighs and whispers

I’ve been trying, at least this week-ish, to be more fully present in the moments, especially the ones with the kids. I know I mentioned particularly that on Thursdays I only get to be with them for a couple of hours total, all day. I need to stop reminding myself of this because when I type “couple” it makes a stabbing pain right in my heart. But that’s not the point, the point is the Moments. Whether we’re reading or playing, or looking at pictures on the iPhone, I’m just wanting so much to enjoy them and be my best self during them.

It’s getting harder with AJ because one, he’s a jumping, squirming, knees and elbows and head-butting wonderful boy. When he tries to climb up on me for hugs and cuddles I have to watch out for my spleen. And he always manages to grind his kneecap into my femur. But he’s still up for hugs and cuddles so I try not to complain. And two, his playtime is so complicated now. He asked me yesterday to please play Jack and Annie with him. So I tried to be Annie, but I don’t remember these books word for word, and he apparently does. He gets mad when I try to use my imagination and say, “Ooh, Jack, here’s a BUG! Maybe Merlin needs it?”

“MOOOMMM, there wasn’t a BUG in book nine hundred and eleven, [siggghhh].” Or else it's a Bakugan battle, about which I only know, "Bakugan, STAND." And that's not nearly enough for him. ;)

But with KT, it’s a bit easier. She likes to lay on the bed together, nose to nose. Sometimes we giggle, sometimes we sing (current fave is Jesus Loves Me, which just sends sunshine through my veins), most times we pretend-bite each other’s necks, and get each other’s sugar, and play with each other’s hair. It’s delectable.

And last night – she’s been waking up in the middle of the night again, either from some molars coming in, or just because she thinks it’s fun – we lay in the dark, trying to wish sleep’s heavy return (at least I was). Everything’s hazy and in whispers but I do know that she, at one point, brushed my hair back from my face, like I do for her when I lay her down every night, and patted me on the shoulder with her soft little fingers. And that pat... wow, do I ever treasure sweet moments like those.

Balanced

I’ve been reading Linda’s latest news with great interest, having always identified with her in certain ways. One, because I found her when her oldest son was first-born, and my own AJ was 1 year old. Two, because she also had a long commute, and was (is) a working mom. Six years ago, I, too, was driving more than 40 minutes to and from a job that was less-than-fulfilling (but had wonderful people!). So I stayed there and stayed there until circumstances finally combined in the right way that I could leave.

Linda has taken the leap that so many of us bloggers think about from time to time to a freelance writer working full-time from home, staying with her kids. I am so thrilled for her. If anyone deserves writing success, it’s her. Naturally part of me is a smidge jealous, but a MUCH smaller percentage than would have been, 2 years ago. Her announcement has made me feel proud, actually, that I have also taken steps to remedy what was a somewhat "soul-sucking" situation.

1. I now have a much more pleasant 7-mile commute. My office is located in the same suburb as my home and my kids’ schools, the way God intended.

2. I made it clear when I was hired here that I was not available for travel, and I asked multiple times if my position required it – the answer was always “No” from the particular manager who hired me. (It still comes up from time to time with other managers, but I’m trying very hard to stick to my guns about it.)

3. We’re rocking flex-time. It’s not perfect by any means. Thursdays have become especially long now that I’ve rejoined the choir: I’m out my door at 6:15am and not home for good until 9:15pm, and that means I only see KT for about an hour and a half total on Thursdays. But overall the plan works. I’m able to pick up AJ, do homework, get dinner started, and sometimes even more in the afternoons.

What I'm saying is, I’m happier with my work-life balance than I have been in a long time. Not that I’m finished complaining about it all -- I agree with Linda that the system is so flawed -- our need/greed for THINGS with accelerated growing costs, like expensive higher education, expensive homes, and all the other trappings that have us trapped. I also have this odd desire to tell my daughter, someday, to consider becoming a nurse or a teacher, because those 2 jobs seem, to me, to offer the best working hours options for moms -- now isn’t that backward? The only jobs women were "allowed" to do for so long. Feminism, whah? But maybe that is finally starting to change. Maybe a Mom can successfully be a full-time writer/editor/marketing-office-worker, on her own scheduling terms, and enjoy both of her jobs.

I have to hope so.

Temper Tantrum

I had a bad afternoon/evening of whining kids and obnoxious kids -- kids who were off their routine specifically because I dragged them off to the mountains for a weekend with MY friends, during which I didn't get nearly enough sleep in order to HAVE FUN andstay up late and drink wine and ENJOY myself.

So last night after one of those, "Child, do NOT do That Thing one more time, do you hear me? Keep your hands to yourself and I mean it!!"

"That thing. [hands flailing]"

I yelled in the WORST way and was a raving lunatic right there in front of both kids' faces. Their voices became very small and their movements hesitant. After kissing them mightily to bed, I gave myself a Time Out in the hot shower, and I cried. I dealt with the parenting shame spiral until my own bedtime, and was so grateful to be given another chance to do better this morning. So, so grateful. I pray I'll do better.

I just wish I could learn this most difficult lesson, once and for all. But I don't think it works that way.

Notes for 2019, when I finally get to the Baby Book

KT has dimples on the backs of both shoulders. They are adorable, and barely noticeable except in summer when she’s wearing sleeveless shirts. I want to remember those. I should take a picture.

(I don’t remember if AJ had any particular dimples. sad face)

KT also has one teeny, tiny freckle on her right hand. She LOVES that freckle. I, myself, have a whole armful of freckles, and so she has asked where hers are. I remember when she found this little itsy speck of a freckle during a bedtime story in the rocking chair, she was so happy. She sometimes forgets what it’s called, and tells me it’s her “sprinkle.”

It must be about time to remove the rails on her crib to make a toddler bed. At 2 and a half, most mornings she wakes up laying perpendicular, with her feet hanging out through the slats. Hee hee.

She asks for chocolate milk (warm) the minute she wakes up, and the minute she gets home from daycare. Sometimes forgets to HUG MAMA, so focused is she on that chocolate milk. Lately I’ve been using sugar-free chocolate syrup.

She eats more than Craisins and ketchup these days, but not much more. Hot dogs, French fries, cheese pizza (no pepperoni!), oatmeal, corn and yogurt are her favorites. And obviously ice cream and cookies. Did I ever tell you she opens her Oreos? She was never shown to do that – came up with it by INSTINCT – and she only eats what she calls the “cream.” She leaves the apple peels, but eats the ‘meat’ on apples. Still No on PBJ and mac-n-cheese. Both kids have been slow learners on those 2 favorites.

Dora is her favorite right now. Loves to read it and watch it on TV. (I hated Dora when AJ was a toddler, but have been surprisingly glad to have “Bate, bate, Choc-o-late!” back in our lives.) She received a big Dora story book earlier this summer, and it’s all she has wanted to read. I’m so sick of “Little Star” that I actually sort-of miss Elmo’s Get Up and Go Songs.

In TV-land, we had to correct a mistake we’d made in letting her brother (and therefore, her) watch iCarly. She spent a couple of weeks requesting it. “iCawly, Mommy? iCawly on?” Cute, but definitely inappropriate for a 2-year old. And a 6-year old. Parental controls to the rescue.

Some of her best words/phrases right now:
“Yes, I m’am.” Means “Yes, I am,” usually said in opposition to whatever I’m telling her. “KT, you are not looking at your toes, are you?” “YES, I M’AM.” (Oh, yes, she loves to inspect her toes for “dirt.” She will do this for 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes it’s handy – keeps her quiet! But it’s weird.)

“So much.” She misplaces this in sentences, like, “Mommy, I so much didn’t get Dora wet all day today.”

“M-M-Ms.” You know it’s a keeper when it changes the way your whole family refers to an object. M&Ms are now M-M-Ms at our house, just like “Loo-Loos” from AJ’s babyhood, and the nickname of our dog, from my cousin’s baby Anna.

“I’m leaving yooo...” When she wants me to go somewhere and I don’t immediately follow her. I think I accidentally taught her this one. Heh.

“Walkie-walkie.” I have to report on this for the baby book, although the phase has mostly passed. In June during our beach vacation, my Dad’s cousin Bill, a grandpa himself many times over, teased KT by pretending he had something in his pocket. He’d take his hand out to reveal...his “walkie-walkie.” By which means he’d “walk” his fingers over to tickle... and DELIGHT her. She adored the walkie-walkie, and therefore Bill, and the whole family picked it up. We still sometimes bring out our own walkie-walkies when we’re coaxing a smile out of her, and SHE likes to do it to us, too.

MY KID IS THE CUTEST ONE. ;)

The Mountains

We’re going to the mountains in a week. A group of my college friends has planned a get-together, families included. We’re all going to pile into a (rather large) home in Highlands, NC, for 2 days and 2 nights.

I am pretty excited about this, for a number of reasons. One, these are my dear friends, some of whom I haven’t seen since they moved away to Virginia in 2002. I’ve not met some of their children, nor have they had a chance to meet mine. Two, the friends who DO still live in town, I NEVER GET TO SEE! It’s crazy how life changes and friends get married and develop new friendships and lives, and boom, we go months (years?) with hardly any contact. The friends I had class/lunch/parties with every day in college. Three, I took a day off work, and what can I say, that excites me.

I’m thrilled to take the kids somewhere with a mountain landscape. I don’t know if we’ll do much outdoor activity – I think there’s a lake on the property but I’m unsure – but I just want them to SEE it. To breathe it. I know AJ is old enough to remember it later, and I crave memories like this for both of them. FUN things that we did as a family. Scenery. And other, new kids to play with, whose parents are important to me. I'm eager for a photo of all the kids together. I have memories like this: Once, my family went to Colorado when I was young, with 1 or 2 other families, I think. It’s hazy, but I remember fondly a picnic and a beautiful grassy field.

What’s different about this group of friends is that we were all in concert choir together. Let that sink in for a moment and then let me tell you I was asked to bring my digital piano.... yyyyyeahhhh, we’re THAT kind of group. There’s going to be singing. Late into the night, I suspect. It’s impossible for us to get together without music being involved. And I’m sorry for my own husband and one other spouse, who were not part of that (nor any choir). But in fact, it’s fun even if you’re not singing.

I have always felt a little less musically talented than most of these friends. Of the 8 of us, two are music teachers with masters’ degrees, and one is an opera singer (his real job, not a hobby). 3 others sing in their cities’ civic choruses. Me? I haven’t even kept up with the church choir. Last time we got together, it was less fun for me to contribute parts and harmonies as it was to just LAUGH at the fact that we were sitting around singing hymms and various Barbershop Quartet tags (yes, we have a Barbershop nerd among us, as well). It’s just fun because it’s a bit ridiculous. Especially when you pair an evening like that with wine. I’m not even kidding, DH, the fun part is the laughter.

I'm bringing Uno cards, and I hope we’ll all have the best time.

Writers write about a moment in time.

Did I tell you that AJ wants to be a writer when he grows up? I’m unsure what kind of writer, but that’s what he says. I sort-of love it. It’s his first “When I grow up” statement, I think. He never said “Dinosaur” or “Truck driver” or “Superhero” when he was smaller – in fact, he used to just say, “I want to be MYSELF” when we used to ask him. Which is, I think, a perfect prerequisite for his current professional goal, don’t you? Hee hee. We’ll see how this develops. At the moment, he’s writing/drawing a book called “Doctor Doofinsmerts ‘In-Ator Book” [sic and sic].

There’s a poster in his first-grade classroom, telling the rules of writing. All through Kindergarten, the kids kept a journal, and that process continues this year. This year, however, they seem to be given better prompts. I glanced through his journal when I visited the classroom last week. It was awesome. On page one, they were to describe their thoughts/feelings about the first day of school. His last sentence for that entry was “I was happy.” A Mama’s joy to read those words. I pray he’ll stay happy in school.

Aside from writing, however, AJ has other goals: Namely, to be in the Cub Scouts. Oh, ALL the boys are doing it – I think there’s one boy in his class who’s already got an older brother and therefore, a uniform, and that uniform CALLS to the kids. Naturally, I believe it’s one of the most worthy causes out there. It grows good men, IMHO, and I should know as my Dad went from a Tiger Cub to an Eagle Scout, and probably earned every patch in-between. I’m concerned about the time factor, though. We already have a huge commitment in T-ball, and I know that scouting requires time from the parents to complete projects… not to mention camping trips. (Not to mention ANOTHER fundraiser, separate from the school fundraiser. Gah.) AJ also asked me about swimming lessons the other day, which I definitely want him to do (on weekends only, FTLOG).

So begins the time in DH and my lives where we meet every Friday night and say, “So, how was your week?”

7 Quick Takes - This Week in Living

1. I posted on Facebook last night that Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, stresses me out more than a door-to-door solicitor. This could be a whole post in itself, actually. I’ve been burned once or twice by scam artists, and have therefore TRIED to establish a Policy , so when the doorbell rang last night, I told myself “POLICY. POLICY. I DON’T DO BUSINESS at the front door. Thankyougoodbye.” But then I opened it, and it was a guy selling new fiber-optic cable! and Voice-over-IP! and blah blah blah, and his tactics (“I’m just here to see if you’re on my lines and want to verify your phone number… etc. and How much are you currently paying... ohhh, that’s too much….”) completely distracted me, as they are supposed to do.

I leave the TV business to my husband, but of course just initialing this form – not a contract, mind you – would ensure that if we DID decide in the future, even a year from now, that we want to go with his company, we’d lock in today’s pricing... and I totally Failed to Adhere to the Policy, or even mention it! And it was HOT AS BLAZES out there, and it took a long stinking time to fill out his stupid forms and verify me over the phone. And should I invite him in to cool off in that case (NO, Of course NO, but it feels pretty rude just the same). So, stress! And then I was anxious that DH would drive up before the dude had left, and would see me there on the porch DOING BUSINESS with him, and shake his head and think, “Not again.” ...and the stress just multiplied and I nearly broke down after the whole thing was said and (NOT SIGNED) and done. HATE.

2. DH was wonderful about it, actually. Hugged me and said it was fine, and he’d call the guy back to cancel slash follow up.

3. I’ve mentioned a co-worker who’s recently become very vocal about her views on the Food Industry, a la Omnivore’s Dilemma. I mean, she's entitled to her opinions, obviously, but she’s been slightly self-righteous and annoying about "over-processed" foods and organic etc. WELL. The other day she asked me where I’d like to eat lunch. My suggestion (a chicken place, I love their salads) made her wrinkle her nose, and she said, “I can’t eat there. I don’t know WHERE they get their chickens, or if they’re treated humanely.” So, fine. Whatever. But TODAY I told her I was running out to pick up a salad from the same place, and could I bring her a drink? She gave me money instead for a fried-cheese appetizer! So evidently she doesn’t care if they treat their cheese (cows?) inhumanely. Picture me with squinty eyes of irritation.

4. My over-processed and questionably treated chicken salads have garnered me a South-Beach Diet loss of 3 pounds so far. It is going well and one of the reasons I haven’t posted much here is that I’m sorta doing my online time-wasting on the message boards there. Heh. I’ve allowed some cheating (weekends are a killer), but still I feel like I’m following the plan pretty well. It’s so much easier for me than counting calories!

5. I had additional stress this week over a LONG list of work assignments, mostly writing. It’s not that I can’t DO the writing, it’s that I put off starting it. And these 5 or 6 articles kinda snuck up on me, all due at once. (On top of a bunch of other tasks, of course.) But with some focus I’ve gotten 3 of the 6 DONE, and 1 more assigned and OFF my PLATE, and boy oh boy, is that a nice way to finish out the week.

6. Remember I mentioned wanting to sign up for a Yoga class again? Yeah. Still haven’t done that. Still want to, though.

7. Finally, turning this all around to a positive note, I had a really lovely musical experience once this week. The deal is, I love Contemporary Christian music. Jesus Rock, my DH calls it. One of the first albums I ever bought at age 11, in fact, was Michael W. Smith’s Project, thanks to my friend whose Dad was in the permanent Deaconate. So I heard an old, romantic Jesus-Rock song the other day in the car ("I Will Be Here," by SCC), and it got me thinking about the wonderful gift I have in my husband (awwww). Then just now, I heard “His Grace Is Enough,” which is upbeat and new, but totally made me thankful for getting through This Week In Living. Without His Grace, I might not have. I feel really good about the upcoming weekend.

For more Quick Takes (hopefully quicker than mine...) visit Jen!

Snide (and awesome)

We got the kids’ portraits done Sunday, which is always a festival of fun. They were actually very well-behaved during the session, and we took them for ice cream afterwards. Then, we needed to run to the sporting goods store for AJ – he’s grown so that last spring’s baseball cleats no longer fit, and practice begins today. WELL, that was the straw that broke his back, and the whining commenced. He didn’t WANNNNNNT to do another errand, we had already been TWOOOOO PLACESSSSSS, he hadn’t had any time to PLAAAAAYYYYYYY, and it was going to take too LONNNNNNNGGGGG, waa waa waa like a 2-year-old even though he is now six, and much too old for tantrums (as I tell him all-too-frequently). [Pause for breath.] We managed him into the car, calmly told him he had just been given a TREAT for goshsakes', we couldn't understand him in his whiny voice, and got going anyway.

He settled down for the most part, but was still sniffling and kicking his feet on the back of my seat (I KNOW)... when we heard one declarative comment from KT’s side of the car....

“You’re a baby.”

It was monumentally hard not to laugh right out loud.

Thank-you note

• For every lovely meal you bought us while you were here;


• For every fast-food meal, too;


• For babysitting every day for 8 days, and 1 night! An enormous gift to us;


• For staying up late to watch silly BravoTV shows (the best!) with us;


• For making Publix runs to get dinner, or more chocolate milk, or Pop-Tarts;


• For telling us again that we made a good investment when we bought our modest little home;


• For driving the Highlander safely and carefully with our precious cargo;


• For treating us to the wonderful local Science museum;


• For new school shoes a-plenty;


• For watching baseball together, Dad -- I really enjoyed that last night;


• For laughter and eye-opening conversations;


• For hugs and kisses (not the kids -- ME! I needed every one of 'em!);



• Most of all, for enduring, even when the kids were acting LIKE THEY NEEDED TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL, and for assuring me that this, too, shall pass... and that we're doing an okay job at this parenting thing;



• And for Washing the Sheets!! Such GOOD MANNERS.

I thank you with all my heart.

All that...

...and then, just now, I get a nostalgic little “rush,” walking down the office hallway with a file folder in my hand, because I used to love to play office when I was a little girl. File folders and staplers and copiers, oh my! How can something be meaningless AND somewhat of a childhood wish come true, at the same time?

I am all sorts of messed up, my friends.

Ah, well, moving on to the purely physical: FRITOS. My mind is locked on Fritos today. But let’s start at the beginning -- I lost a pound in Week One. That’s slow and steady, like it’s supposed to be, so Bully for me! I am encouraged, and South Beaching hasn’t been that bad. Boring, maybe, without a nightly ice cream cone, but not terrible. Tonight might prove difficult, however. My parents are arriving tonight to help with the first week of school’s wacko schedule – Monday Orientation, Tuesday off, Wednesday and Thursday half-days, Friday full day! WHY, School Administrators? Elementary school shouldn’t be this complicated, truly – and I’m planning to serve taco salad for dinner. Which is a perfectly acceptable South Beach meal, actually, unless you add the best part, the FRITOS. I bought them enthusiastically last night, because apparently 2 weeks ago when AJ arrived at his Gammy’s, she had an unopened bag on her counter and it was THE thing he was happiest about. He said, “My Mommy hardly EVER buys me Fritos, and I love them.” Sigh. You come by it naturally, kiddo. I will TRY to resist them, or only add a few. It is frankly going to suck.

Solve for X

Sometimes the time I spend at my office doesn’t even feel real. When I think about it from far away, at night or in the fog of my next morning’s shower, I think, “Did I really spend 8 hours there yesterday? Seated in that same position, looking in the same direction at the screen? A full day?” It can’t be.

I talk to people, sure. Through the cubicle wall as we both continue with our work-tasks. During lunch breaks. Or on the phone, irritated as I am whenever it rings. I talk to strangers or to people I only know marginally. They’re not the people that truly matter to me. I don’t feel engaged. I don’t actually feel loved by these people, or that I’m bringing them love.

Not that I remember, every day, that my purpose should be bringing love to others. I don’t. My purpose should be taking care of my family, and I achieve that, working to bring them food and shelter and a living. This isn’t a post about wishing to stay at home. But I think, “This is not meaningful. This is not living, doing. It’s sitting.” What I'm fretting over is my fulfillment. I think it’s the sitting that makes it seem so unreal. Our lives tangled up in wires and wireless, and keystrokes and data, and websites and typing – how can that be real?

I wonder, is it up to me to make THIS daily existence more meaningful? Or is it critical to find something else that would engender its own meaning? Something where I stand in front of people, or hug them? Or touch the earth? Or laugh about whatever thing we’re doing? Not that I feel I’m an extrovert. Far from it – I keep a semi-anonymous blog, for heaven’s sake. I’ve never cared for group projects. But spending the day doing something WITH people seems more acceptable than, at the end of the day, closing up the laptop, bidding my neighbor goodbye and wondering if either of us really SAW the other at all in the last 8 hours.

I’m not a save-the-world type. I don’t mean that. I don’t even know that I’m looking to solve a problem. But the sitting still, I just don’t know. It doesn’t feel real, sometimes, looking back at it. I wish I would at least get something out of it, some recordable emotion.

Time ticks away and it feels strange to just accept this.

7 Quick Takes Re: Nothing in Particular (& the diet)

• Hard to get used to: Vegetables with breakfast. It would be one thing if I had time to make omelets in the morning, but I don't. So, V8 it is. Which is fine, I like V8. What's a diet without it, really?


• They stress you're not supposed to have High Fructose Corn Syrup. I get that, sure. But I'm not eating non-fat, sugar-free PLAIN yogurt. Gross. I got a Yoplait NF/SF blackberry yogurt yesterday at the store, which is a perfectly acceptable yogurt in any other diet scenario. And since I dislike yogurt SO much, but need my dairy servings, guess what, South Beach? HFCS. Pbbbllltt. Still: I like having to be conscious of HFCS. Like all you other organic-minded people. Makes me feel like I'm part of the IN crowd.


• Enough about the diet, How're your mom-n-them? My Mom and I had a fun phone conversation Wednesday. We talk at least one weekday afternoon while I'm driving to get the kids. And while I'm sitting in the parking lot putting off getting the kids. (Ha. It's impossible lately to talk WITH the kids in the vicinity.) We chatted about the idea of parents moving to where their kids/grandkids live. Surprisingly, 3 generations on my Mom's side have learned to be Moms without our OWN Moms around every day. I wish it weren't that way at times, but on the other hand, there's truth to the saying, "Two things you can give your children: One is roots, the other, wings." How often do you talk with your Mom?


• From the Less Philosophical Files: KT refuses barettes and ponytails these days, so I got her hair cut shorter than usual. It's better. Still doesn't stop her from getting maple syrup and who-knows-what-else in it! She's a little pixie with this hair.
• I've just had a very odd Twitter encounter. Someone found my account by happenstance, I think, and started following me. There are some striking similarities between him and my cousin (who's almost a brother to me). Both are pianists/composers, in that soft, Windham-Hill-records style; both grew up in north Florida; both are gentle souls with a Christian mission and generous outlook. I'm really intrigued at why/how this person found my account - he lives in my town.
• We're south-Georgia-bound this evening, to pick up AJ. I have missed that boy. I've even caught myself missing him beside my bed in the early morning when I wake up. (For some reason he has taken to coming into our bedroom again. He curls up on the floor with an extra pillow and his blanket. I always have to be careful I don't step on him in my half-dazed, 5:30 a.m. state.) I can't wait for a good AJ-cuddle.

• After we get him, it's one week and then school starts! Summer has flown by. I'm already anxious for fall weather, though, like the rest of the country. I'm wanting to hike the mountain and have picnics, and these 100-degree days just won't do.

More quick takes here... happy weekend!

Jumping In?

I think I'm going to try it (South Beach Diet). Just had my cottage cheese and V8 for the morning. If I commit, I'm starting in Phase 2. Which is basically a good Weight Watchers-like, sensible diet plan. I don't really believe in Phase 1. I am wise to the fact that it's water weight that you're losing at first, and more important, I call bullshit on the idea that you can "eliminate" carby cravings completely. Don't think so. I will never stop loving Cheeze-Its, no matter how much lean turkey and string cheese I eat! While I would love to lose a quick 5 pounds and thus be extra motivated, I'm pretty much unwilling to give up apples and Triscuits. They are my workday staples and they're allowed in Phase 2.

Besides that, I only want to lose about 8 pounds and the FAQs say I don't have to start with Phase 1, in that case. So there. All hail the FAQs! I'm signed up for the free trial period online, and I can use the site for $20 through the end of August. That seems like a fair minimum amount to contribute towards better eating.

I'm happy that there are no calories to count. Giant relief. I am sick to death of trying to track calories/points. However, the idea that you only eat until you're satisfied is daunting. I eat very fast. I never really KNOW that I'm satisfied, until I'm past the point -- until I'm Very Full. So that will be the biggest challenge, I think.

I've got questions, of course, but scouring the Message Boards today to find answers. Is decaf coffee really required? Do grape tomatoes count or are they too sweet? Etc.

DH is worried he's going to have to eat "yucky stuff" to help me. He is sweet to be supportive but I'm not going to make him eat yucky stuff. It's fun to have a new project, even if it does continue the annoying, near-obsessive thinking about food. At least in the beginning.

Diet dichotomy

I was just doing some research on the South Beach Diet website, debating whether or not to sign up for their online tools. I'm probably buying the book today.

In my subsequent click, I searched for a slow-cooker Buffalo Wings recipe, since I have a package of wings in my freezer this week. HA! (Didn't find one -- I'll likely marinate, then grill them. I guess that might even fit into the South Beach scenario, sort-of.) It just felt funny to look up a diet and then look up WINGS.

Anyway, I feel like I need a food PLAN. I not only NEED, but WANT some new recipes for dinners and lunches. I mean, I basically know how to cook more healthfully, but I resort instead to all my old habits. I was thinking Phase One of SBD might be a good idea, because lordy, have I had eaten some garbage lately. Dumb eating episodes like last night's Animal Crackers binge, for instance. Which was a "finish with something sweet" antidote to the chips-n-salsa episode ten minutes before. All that because I'd forced myself to eat a small dinner, since I'd had a giant fast-food lunch. SIGH.

I'm thinking the Intervention aspect of Phase One would stop all that nonsense in its tracks, if I could stick with it for 2 weeks. (Even though, according to the plan, I could technically start in Phase Two, having less than 10 pounds to lose.)

I know Mighty Maggie's a fan of the SBD. Anyone else tried it with success?

p.s. Changed my template because something weird was going on with it! I'll miss those big ol' flowers.

Day One, Operation Flex-Time, A Success!

Aside from the fact that I stupidly forgot to TURN ON MY ALARM for the Crack-O-Dawn, yesterday's first flex-time day went off without a single hitch. AJ woke me, for some reason, at 5:34, which was only 15 minutes past my intended alarm, so I hurried through showering and getting dressed. Since it was a real "project," I had been excited to prep the night before:

1. Made sandwiches for lunch, for me and DH;
2. Cut banana bread for the kids' breakfast;
3. Put my makeup in a bag to take with me;
4. Set the coffee pot (with a couple of extra scoops!).

I think the makeup was the key. I don't spend a lot of time on makeup, but taking it out of the morning process sped things up quite a bit, and I put it on when my computer was booting up and no one else was at the office yet, at 6:30 a.m. Total genius if I do say so myself.

My other shining moment was making sure I did NOT log into Facebook, my personal email, or Google Reader during that first hour. I knew that playing online would make me feel cheated, like "Why did I get up this early to do nothing?" So I got some things DONE. It was quite a productive day, work-wise. The extra caffeine hopped me up noticeably, but I was also running around for other reasons so it was fine.

DH said the kids were perfect at home, and they were dressed and ready to go well before we usually are on regular days. Makes me think this is going to work. But no guarantees... it could totally fall apart tomorrow. (You: Especially if you don't set the alarm, smart-box.)

A weekend

Sometimes when I think back on weekends, I'm like, "What did we even DO?" So, to answer my own question:

Friday night, we had oven-baked chicken strips, rice (mac-n-cheese for the kids), and green beans for dinner. We gave the kids baths. They chased each other around naked. We read stories; I put KT to bed while AJ and his Daddy watched their shows (Ben10 and GeneratorRex). We went downstairs and I read a couple pages of my book. I sacked out. DH played some video games.

Saturday, we had breakfast (sausage/pancake on a stick for kids, and turkey-sausage muffins for me and DH). We watched cartoons. The little ones played in the living room (KT is getting Ad.Or.A.Ble, playing with her dolls. Putting them to bed, rocking/patting, talking to them.) while I dusted and DH got the yard mowed. After that, the kids and I went to Target for school supplies, Barbie clothes (on clearance!), and for AJ to frivolously spend a birthday gift card. ($30 for a toy he later declared "Lame.") We brought lunch home. Kids were happy to drink Sprite. We played some more, I think I ordered AJ's 1st-grade textbooks to the tune of $226, and DH and I took our showers. Then I went to Mass to do my once-monthly cantoring gig. I think I decided to rejoin the church choir, because my sight reading skills have definitely dwindled. Can't let that happen, even though choir is a giant commitment that tires me just thinking about it. When I came home, KT had napped a little (Thank the Lord), and I threw together some pizzas for dinner. Stories, bed, annnnd ZONK! on the couch again.

Sunday morning we all went to Mass. KT wore her beautiful Strasbourg Children dress, bought on sale, that I adore. It's a little big, which I hope means she'll also be able to wear it next summer. They were mostly good, we saw a lot of acquaintances, including our neighbor who told me I need to sign up to be a lector, and the little girl who wrote "I am going to marrey you" in AJ's yearbook. Hee. Dunkin Donuts afterwards. KT went, and then announced to the whole restaurant, "I WENT PEE PEE!" She is doing quite well with potty training but I'm SO weary of it. AJ had his 45 minutes of screen-time, then we wrote his birthday thank-yous, about which he pitched a major fit. He got through it. Spaghetti-Ohs for lunch. Played outside, a fabulous bubble-blowing party. DH and I decided we need to get a battery-powered bubble machine, and move our deck chairs to the driveway where we can crack open a drink while the kids run around. Why have we not thought of this before?! We had popsicles for snack, then went inside because it was starting to rain. Kids "helped" me make banana bread. No naps. Cleaned a potty. Watched some baseball, and some dumb kids' movie on Disney while doing laundry. Wanted dinner out, but because of no naps, we opted to make turkey burgers instead. Kids "helped." DH continued with laundry because he is the best. Baths -- I'm enjoying my 10 minute break to read now that they're old enough to play relatively safely in the bath -- a serious talk with AJ about why he needs to STOP jumping on the bed with KT around, stories, and bed. I managed to stay awake to watch a weird show on Animal Planet, and some Family Guy. We went to bed around 10.

I don't know if we are extremely boring or totally normal. What did you do this weekend?

A few Yatt stories for ya

Admittedly, Yatt moving in next-door has not been nearly as bad as I would have imagined about a year ago. Too bad for the blog, right?? But in fact, because she's one of the only other women here with a toddler, I do find that I relate to her, moreso than to the ladies in Customer Care, for instance.

But not to worry: She definitely provides cringey and eye-rolly moments. Some reasons to QUICKLY get up and find somewhere else to be. Some Golden Opportunities To Practice Patience. And since I know that some of my readers are as catty and immature as I am, I thought I would share. I'm a giver.

1. Did I mention Yatt is pregnant with #2? I bet I didn't. And you know how much fun a know-it-all is when she is expecting!! She doesn't share every detail of her uterine landscape with me (yet), but I'm ready for it. She does refer to her baby by the name they plan to give him, which has always bugged me. WORSE SINCE HIS NAME IS THE NAME OF MY COLLEGE BOYFRIEND, HA HA! Okay, that's pretty funny - just as I was typing this up, I realized that's the most annoying part about it. And lord forbid if she's feeling a little pain from baby M @ t t h e w (GAH). EDITED: (Wasn't nice anyway) He's only 23 weeks along or something, but one day she acted like his feet were pushing into her ribcage. I wanted to tell her, ummm, he isn't big enough or turned enough to be kicking your ribs, dumbass. (Whoops, let that one slip. She really is a very nice person.)

2. LOUD EATER ZOMG. I didn't know this before because she was a good 20 feet away. But holy cannoli. (Warning: hyperbole ahead.) This week it's been a giant Wal-Mart bag of trail mix, and another giant Wal-Mart bag of dried fruit for snacks. Including banana chips. POPS 'em in her open mouth and CRACKS every nut so that the people in Suite 414 down the hall can probably ALSO feel the tremor. *!!*!* This is my #1 pet peeve in any human. No lie. Obnoxious mouth noises are the work of the Devil himself.

3. The other day, she went thru the drive-thru at Starbucks. (Yet another similarity between us! We both love Sbux! I swear it's stupid how alike we actually are.) And she's pregnant. So evidently her coffee, which was supposed to have been decaf, made her feel very jumpy. Well, instead of pouring it down the drain, getting some water and moving on with her life, she felt the need to call them up. Just to tell them that she thought, and didn't appreciate, their giving her a caffeinated coffee. "I'm Pregnant," she told the guy authoritatively. "And this coffee has me wiggin' out." (She DID say "wiggin'.") Like he could do anything about it at that point! I know that guy, since I frequent there as much as she does, and he is always overly nice and accommodating. I heard her refuse whatever free beverage he offered in apology (if she didn't want something, why did she bother calling?), but she reiterated 2 or 3 times that she is PREGNANT. Then she asked me later, "Did you hear me talking to Starbucks earlier?"

YES. I COULDN'T ACTUALLY HAVE MISSED IT.

Ohhhh, I think it's going to be a delightful gestation.

Advice for the shopping impaired

I’m wearing one of those giant rings that are popular these days. It’s awesome, and so NOT ME. I am just not stylish in any way. Well, maybe one way – I usually have decent hair, only because I like to keep it short, and in order for short hair to be decent hair, it needs a good cut and shape. But clothing and accessories-wise, forget it. I am five-dollar tee shirts and 2 pairs of Payless shoes all summer. I am the same cheap purse from April through November. I am a solid or a floral print, period. I bore myself! But these big showy rings, I like. (They do get in the way of typing, though, and washing hands.)

When I bought them, I was doing my shopping for work. And because the layout had already been decided, I knew I needed items in shades of blue or orange. I want to share this with you because it was so helpful: just shopping for a few things, all in the same color family, was a VERY comfortable way to do it. I felt freed, somehow, from all of my usual constraints:

• The racks and racks of clothes didn’t overwhelm me, because my eyes went only to the colors I was looking for.
• I shopped for the layout – as in, what will look good grouped together on the page, with a clean, white background. Imagining things in groups that way was a totally new perspective that helped me vary what I chose.
• I shopped by department. After I’d found a blouse, for example, I knew I could move on to shoes. I was DONE with blouses. No need to dilly-dally or make sure I’d found everything I could find. Time to move on.

I’ve always been a visual learner, I guess, but didn’t realize it until now. Taking copious notes in school was actually my way of visualizing. Here’s a peek at what I bought that day:


I think this would work if you have a monthly clothes budget, too. Or if your girlfriend invites you shopping, and you allot $150 to spend on yourself, for instance. Think of a few items you might like: a new necklace or bracelet, one shirt, a pair of shoes, and one other accessory. Depending on where you go, you could do all of that – in one color family. You don’t want everything the same, of course – instead, you want a red/pink/black floral print, a fire-engine red purse, a silver necklace, maybe with pink Swaroski crystals, and black/red strappy sandals. It doesn’t all have to be “an outfit,” but it could if you wanted it to. You might never buy black/red strappy sandals if you didn’t shop within that color. But hey! Look at you now! Stylish!

I’m just dying to try this again. We took the kids to the mall during July 4th weekend – they never go there so it was very exciting for them (AJ especially wanted to hit the gumball machine kiosk). That day, we were shopping for DH, not for me, but as I walked around Macy’s I decided the next time I shop, it’s going to be this method. Rainbow Brite Shopping. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Long, with sub-heads

I’ve missed writing. Was asked to complete a 200-word article yesterday at the office and I realized it had been a while since I’d done any writing there, either. Too busy doing database work and Google Adwords and yucky things like that. But there are words that want to be shared today.

The Via Experiment
I’m trying my first cup of Starbucks Via today. It’s pretty decent, happy to report. I mean, Instant Coffee… I was definitely skeptical, but nothing could be worse than office coffee (have I said that before?) and sometimes I don’t feeeeeel like making a pot the night before, and sometimes I also don’t feel like stopping at the drive-thru. In fact. IN. FACT… I’m even a little sick of my usual orders at The McDonalds Of Coffee, which are, in rotation:

• Grande non-fat no-whip toffee nut latte
• Grande non-fat no-whip peppermint mocha
• Grande skinny vanilla (latte)
• Tall Pike Place Roast in a Grande cup w/skim and Splenda.

All delicious. The first one there is courtesy of my sister, a Seattleite (Seattle-r?). I believe she suggested it the first time I visited The First Starbucks – the one whose sign is brown, not green – and it stuck. I have been drinking Toffee Nut lattes for about 10 years, I guess. I am sure you’re riveted by my salvation history in coffee. The password to login to my computer is currently Coffeecoff33. A while back it was St*rbucks. You might say I’m a big fan.

The Birthday Boy and the Bloggers
It’s birthday weekend again at our house – AJ is SIX. His new haircut makes him look so handsome and GROWN, and the dental hygienist said one of his teeth is loose! My big boy. His dinner of choice last night ended up being an homage to some of my favorite bloggers. I thought of Lag Liv’s recent post, and family tradition, because AJ chose an at-home dinner. Typically we go out for birthdays, but instead he wanted Brinner – breakfast for dinner. So we had Pancakes and over-processed bacon (“Fully Cooked” from a box, because I can’t stand to see a skillet full of grease when cooking real bacon, blech). The meal made me think of Mir, because of the bacon (obvs), but also because I made a “6” shaped pancake and stuck a candle in it, a la Otto. Everyone was impressed and it made things festive. You see what good the Internet is doing in this world? We're celebrating this weekend with all the grandparents and a large costumed rodent.

I have been so proud of AJ lately, helping me with Terrible-Twos-infected KT (she complies when HE asks her to eat her yogurtfortheloveagod), playing nicely with her, cleaning up his things (sometimes), and all those other responsible things that kids actually CAN do as they get older. Last night for the first time, we let him cut his own pancakes using a knife; he only licked the syrup off the knife once.

[update: 2nd cup of Via. Mmmm.]

The Bookworm Again
I have returned to reading. Finally! I'm so glad to have received a Kindle for my birthday (thanks, DH!), and in the last 2 months, the books I've read have included:

• Eclipse, by Stephanie Meyer. I gave in to the hype of the movie. I had read the first 2 books last year sometime, and I'm glad I took a long break. It's fun remembering, and I do really like the series, despite its teenagey-lame-bad-metaphors. I’ve yet to see any movies, but they’re in the queue for this weekend or next.
• Escape, by Carolyn Jessop. This was on my wish list forever, and it’s the first thing I read on the Kindle. It’s about the FLDS, which you may know is one of my deep curiosities/interests. Those poor people. I learned a lot. I still wonder why she kept the name Jessop, though! Good grief, I would have rid myself of THAT connection toute de suite. I guess it was for publicity’s sake.
• The Help, by Kathryn Stockett. I still can’t believe this was her first novel. Amazing, funny story about the South in the sixties. Sometimes I get weary of that difficult topic – there seem to be a LOT of novels about it – but this one was entirely different. It was more a story about women, really, even though race relations was a huge part of it. I lapped it up like sweet cream. So good.
• Commencement, by J. Courtney Sullivan. This was a book club choice and I liked it, but didn’t love it. (Fiction about 4 girls who attended Smith College.) The ending made me mad, and I like having a real reaction to a book even if it’s a negative reaction. What I don’t like is when I start one and don’t get interested enough to finish it, like happened with
• The Lost City of Z, by David Grann. It’s still sitting on my nightstand but I’m unsure if I’ll revisit it this year or not. I want to be interested in it (non-fiction about a late 19th-century explorer of jungles and tribes), but so far... eh.

I always like blog posts about the books you’re reading, so I thought I’d share my latest. If you’ve stumbled on something you think I should read, please share!

Happy weekend!

Wordplay

Yesterday we got home from work/school/camp, and KT was saying some adorable things. She's figured out the hard /R/ sound, and now words like "water" come out "wadderrrrrr" instead of "waddah" like they did 8 days ago.

So AJ was feeding her all kinds of words to say. "Can you say, 'Dinner?'

Dinnerrrrr.

"Can you say, 'Bigger?'"

Biggerrrrr.

"KT, can you say, 'Basket?'" (not sure where that one came from)

Baks-sket.

"KT! Can you say, 'Sarcophagus?'"


STUNNED SILENCE. I had to ask the kid where he learned that word. (And, I'll admit, what did it mean?! Because I couldn't quite remember!) He said it was in a Magic Tree House crossword puzzle.

The darndest things, indeed.

Unplugged and On a Diet

Not much else you need to know, is there?

(But there's always something more to say... I just enjoyed being logged out of all my Internet stuff during vacation. Enjoyed it SO MUCH. I did some reading on my new Kindle - I realize it's technically an online device, but not the same - and it's really cool and easy to use! (Was not paid to say so.) I just want to hold on to that unplugged feeling. I'm somewhat afraid to open Google Reader. While I missed all of you guys that I typically read, I... didn't miss you that much. I'm sorry, but it's true. And yes, my diet calls. The eating of much crapola occurred last week -- along with the eating of delicious Gulf seafood, uncontaminated so far -- and so today it's Triscuits and cottage cheese and lots of water. I'm thisclose to signing up for Weight Watchers, or buying the South Beach Diet book, so I have a distinct PLAN. Don't wanna, but thisclose. That's all for now -- like I said, I am trying to keep a grasp on the summer breeze feeling. In my mind I'm still in the rocking chair on the porch, ceiling fan whirring, sunscreen fragrant, cold drink sweating next to me.)

Closer

That's "Closer" with a soft "s", not like the Kyra Sedgwick fake-southern-accent show on TNT.

Close-er. Our vacation is closer. (Aaaand so is the oil. Perfect.)

I am feeling a bit better than yesterday, however. A night of wine with the girls helped quite a lot. We laughed and laughed. KT's excitement also helps. When her Daddy got home last night, he asked her, "KT, what are we going to do tonight while Mommy's at Book Club?"

She answered, "Go doo-dah Beeeeeeeeech!" She keeps wanting to look at our photo albums, and when she spots a picture from a vacation past, she says, "I going a dat beach? I do dat Sad-uh-dayyy?" She especially likes the sand castle pictures. I hope the sand will be castle-worthy and not tarred all to hell. Oh, it makes me sad to think that. My uncle loves shore-fishing in the EARLY morning -- that's basically why he goes to the beach every year -- and I worry he won't be able to do that this year. Who knows.

I had a come-to-Jesus with myself after (wine and) Book Club, while driving home. Unintentionally. Windows down, radio blasting. I don't even remember what song it was, now, although I will admit that I LISTEN TO DELILAH sometimes when I'm by myself in the car at night. Yes, I do. "SO NOW I COME TO YOOOOOOOU, WITH OHHHHH-PEN AH-ARMS...." She always plays that one for somebody. Anyway, my moment was one of deep gratitude. I've spent the last couple of days (...years??) feeling ennui and bleh, but my GOSH, the GIFTS that sit in front of me every single day -- a delightful husband who partners with me, giving more than he gets, a delicious growing boy and a beautiful little girl, a home, warmth, comfort, parents and in-laws who are so good to me, even a friend here and there... the weight of it, the lump in my throat was very heavy with the thought that I sometimes think all that isn't good enough. I had to put my hand on my chest to hold it all there, to my heart. It is MORE than enough. To squander it by ever, EVER wishing for something else is complete mockery. Unacceptable.

Quite a moment.

You'd do better to read the paper wrapper your lunch came in...

Reports from ya-ya ma are that AJ is getting along just swimmingly without us. Quite literally -- it sounds like they're swimming at least twice a day. He's hanging out with his cousins, eating and sleeping well, and waking her up, instead of me, at quarter to six AY! EM!

Desite that good news, I'm feeling all sorts of ennui, which is normal for this Longest Week Of The Year pre-vacation. I'm blah about work, not feeling like I even qualify to be doing some of the stuff I'm tasked with. I'm not yet motivated for trip-tasks besides laundry; I'd rather read my book. And yet I know that both work-work and home-work need to be ramped up before Friday OR ELSE. It's time to start stressing. (Why aren't I stressing?) I'd like to take trips to Barnes & Noble and TJ Maxx tomorrow at lunch, to ensure I have all the right gear. A new book light and a new swimsuit would both be handy. But ugh, what a pain, buying a swimsuit.

I'm still the same same same weight, height, and pale-skin-level as before the 30-Day-Shred attempt. I feel plllbbbttt about that, as well. Why didn't it work? Why couldn't I keep doing it after 30 stupid days? I don't look bad, per se, but I could look better. I've used my Target-brand self-tanning lotion 2 or 3 times but I'm hardly interested in smelling it for the little difference it makes.

The one thing I did get accomplished today was scheduling AJ's birthday party at -- Heaven forgive me -- Chuck E. Cheese. I know I shouldn't spoil him by granting that request, especially because I am not a fan of Chuck. But I AM a fan of hosted parties where I let the hired teenager run things and I write the check. And I'm also a fan of AJ, himself, and asked very sweetly. Last year we did a very non-commercial party at the park. It was awesome, and cheap. So I feel justified that this year we can do something a little bigger.

That's all I've got. Oh, also: Yatt has moved into the cubicle next to me. Should be interesting. She's grown on me a little since our last discussion. And I've vowed not to be a jerk about her on the blog. So unnecessary, spreading ill-will into the world. Still, though. One of the only people to ever merit her own category on helloself. I feel I should mention it.

Sleepaway

Next weekend we're dropping AJ off for his first summer vacation "alone" with his grandparents. I'm having little bursts of nerves about this, not at ALL for him, but for me. A week without my sweetheart boy?? It seems impossible, and impossibly long!

Of course on one hand, I'm sad that we're one of the hundreds of families having to juggle and schedule summer camps and daycare opportunities, due to the 2-income economy and my having a full-time job even in summer. Heh. Independently Wealthy, I wish we were! On the other hand, I'm extremely excited that he's going to have a real sense of summer Vacation, capital V, and thrilled that the parents are jumping at the chance to entertain him for that time period. They're planning some outings, some backyard barbecues, some pancake breakfasts, a fishing trip and some other fun projects that I know AJ will just love. And I keep telling them that it's OKAY if he sits around playing video games a little bit, too. I want him to know that lazy, nothing to do feeling. Remember it? ...Man, that's a trip in time on the way-back machine!!

I'm also happy that he'll get time to get to know his grandparents without me and DH as a filter. (He'll be going to the other grandparents' in July, too.) They'll have to work out conversations and personality nuances one-to-one, and that's what gels a relationship.

We've timed it so we'll drive down the following weekend to "pick him up," but really we'll be meeting all of them and heading over to our condo for our Beach Week. (Let's not talk about the Gulf.) My underlying goal was that he'd be rewarded for MISSING HIS MOMMY when I show up to spend another carefree week with him, myself! Ha ha.

The only detail I desperately need to work out is: WHERE is his White Blankie? (Almost six years old, but still loves/needs the Woobie.) It has been misplaced in the last 2 days, somehow, and I'm not sure how he'll fare without it, away from home. Eeeek. Dear Saint Anthony, please look around!!

More Quick Takes

Blog-post bullets. This is what it's come to. A friend told me yesterday, because she's taking an online art history course, that for the first time she is considering starting a blog. To "work on her writing." I had to laugh: That was my original goal, as well. Haaaaaa.

1. Friendship is good. I can't wait to see my bestest next month. Poolside, baby. We can talk books and nail polish and recipes and not much else, and that is OKAY BY ME.
2. Prayer is good. I have a few more things to pray for all of a sudden, and I'm excited about it. I need a reason to BOOST the MOMENTUM in that department. Hopefully won't be just a grocery-list, either. I've been thinking a lot lately about PRAISE and my lack thereof, in most typical praying I do. How to remedy?
3. Last day of Kindergarten today. I can't believe it. Mah baby. The Graduation was adorable, except when - you won't believe this - his teacher mis-pronounced his last name!! OMG. A mispronunciation of our last name is not pleasant. Thank goodness she also mispronounced 2 other students'. We parents banded together and joked about it but COME ON. Do you know these kids at all? Later DH and I decided okay, she probably rarely CALLS them by their last names. Still.
4. So, leaving work at noon, special last-day lunch with AJ, then a Target trip. Best day ever.
5. Babysitter tonight! We have a friend's son's college grad party to attend. I'm happy to have a new blouse and shoes to wear. Also happy about free food and drink. Don't know much about the grad, but who cares!
6. Road trip to Nanny's tomorrow! Annual lovely time away from the big stupid city. I can't wait to see that back porch again. And hug that wonderful lady I've come to love as my own.
7. I bought something just for me yesterday. A set of 5 magnets with funny/sweet sayings on them. They made me so happy in the store, I had to spend 20 bucks. One of them says, "Don't believe everything you think." Perfect advice. Another one says, "Everyone is somebody's Weirdo." Couldn't resist.

Happy Friday! More QTs here.

Minutae et cetera

It goes without saying that we've had 2 mornings now when KT pitches a big fit over getting dressed. Rendering the morning routine IMPOSSIBLE to handle by oneself, or at least that's the guilt-factor I'm feeling, which leads to I don't know I don't know I don't know about the Flex Schedule. Maybe not going to work. Maybe not fair of me to get up early, grab my coffee, and wave good-bye for DH to handle that crap every day. We both remember AJ not wanting to get dressed for what felt like a lonnnnng stretch, right around this age.

Biscuits.

(That's our new Curse-word Substitute, courtesy of "Kick Buttowski," a cartoon I can't believe Disney launched with that name.)

* * * * * *

I'm doing some research on energy healing for work, and as much as I enjoy the idea of mind-body-spirit connection and 'auras' and 'chakras' and all, I think I enjoy stumbling upon www.skepdic.com -- the Skeptic's Dictionary -- even more.

* * * * * *

I do not like Coke Zero, not even Cherry. I'm about to decide that Diet Dr. Pepper is the ONLY no-calorie soda worth drinking. I was not paid to say that.

* * * * * *

Kindergarten graduation tomorrow. And I really need it. I need a big reminder of why DH and I work hard at full-time jobs that are sometimes just bleh. Just.... bleh. We choose to do it because sending our kids to a school like this is a priority. So I'm grateful. I'm grateful.

* * * * * *

I'm really tired of a certain acquaintance's obsession with whole foods and organic and farmer's market. Good for her -- she read The Omnivore's Dilemma. And I agree with those ideas to some extent. But shut up.

It Would Require Early Mornings.

If I altered my schedule to accommodate the things I want to accommodate -- namely, swimming this summer and being able to pick up AJ during regular carpool next fall -- it would mean getting up even earlier than I already do, which is 5:45 a.m.

This is what I'm thinking: 6:30 am to 3:30 pm. FLEXTIME, baby.

To get showered, dressed and high-heeled (just kidding; I do not wear high heels) by 6:15, I'd need to get up no later than 5:30. Meaning the first Snooze Button Push would take place at 5:15 because heaven knows I need my Snooze! I think I could get the kids downstairs with breakfast in front of them before I left. In other words, I wouldn't have to skip seeing them altogether in the mornings, and that's a good thing.

AJ's been complaining more and more about having to go to After-care. I don't know why, exactly. His best friend is there, too, and they get snacks and playtime and MOVIES, even, if I'm later than 5:00 (which is almost never). Maybe it's just end-of-the-year ennui, which I had to explain to him yesterday when he said he's tired of going to school. I told him he's supposed to be.

Although Aftercare and 3:30 carpool aren't part of the equation this summer, having the time to swim in the afternoons would add infinite amounts of FUN to his vacation, and that's important to me, too. I feel like the kids need to have an element of "off-routine," within the limits of my still having a work schedule. It would be time to get used to the morning shuffle before actual school begins again.

What I'd have to sacrifice is the evenings from 10-11 p.m., because there's no way I could do very well with LESS sleep than I currently get. It's worth mentioning that I DO sleep between 10 and 11 most nights, on the couch... but I think this would need to involve some DEDICATED sleeping.

One other thing--I would have to rely on DH to drop off both kids, which might take a lot out of him. Some days it's a wrestling match to get one or the other of them out the door and buckled up. We're very wary of a Morning Mood. Still, it's an even exchange I guess, all him in the mornings, all me in the afternoons (the afternoons are sometimes hairy, too). Only sad thing would be us swimming without DH.

Would it be worth it? I read of women who do this kind of "flexing" all the time, and to them it's worth it. As I said, I have a mental THING going on with After-care. I LOVE the After-care director at AJ's school, and I know he isn't alone there -- a large portion of parents need After-care every day, just like we do in our current situation. But I fondly remember after-school time with my own Mom -- especially in high school when I had a LOT I needed to talk to her about. We had such a close bond (still do!) and might not have, if not for having had that time together every single day -- and I feel like it's one of the quintessential American Mom THINGS that I'm not getting to do, and it sort-of hurts me in my heart.

Obviously it requires a discussion with DH, but he has said he's always willing to help me with any flexible scheduling I can wrangle; it's a shame his company isn't as lenient with arragements like this. I'm presuming mine would be. But I would love to hear from anyone who has a thought. What do you think? Should I:

• Work 6:30 to 3:30 every day?


• Work 6:30 to 3:30 3 days a week, and send AJ to Aftercare 2 days?


• Forget it, stay in bed those extra 15!

We interrupt this broadcast...

We have had 2 full nights now with no pacifier, and one nap on Sunday.

The infamous "Invisible Blue-y," so named by AJ, I think, to distinguish it from another "Blue-y," disappeared rather conveniently at a party we attended over the weekend. (This particular Paci has a history of disappearace. It lived between the floor and the couch of my parents' living room from December 31 until around April!) I had been talking to some of the other moms at the party about needing to RID ourselves of this habit. MY habit, not necessarily KT's. I'm completely responsible. Paci-Fairy, Build-A-Bear, Something needed to happen. (In case you haven't heard this GENIUS idea, a friend of a friend took her 3-year-old to Build-A-Bear, kissed the pacifier, and handed it over to be sewn up with the heart and the stuffing into a brand-new bear! GENIUS.)

Then something did happen. A total accident, I swear: After a day's worth of playing, we couldn't FIND Paci when it was time to leave. KT cried and cried, but there was nothing we could do.

And she is doing fine so far. A couple of whimpers, but nothing that can't be deflected with a toy or some juice.


--Reporting from Mommyblogland.

7 Quick Takes Friday (because it's been a while!)

School's Almost Out for Summer edition!

1. I am contemplating a schedule change. This probably deserves a much longer post, but I think I want to alter my work schedule before the next school year. I realized late last month that I really don't want my kids to spend the entirety of their lives going to After-care. We see the other kids in our neighborhood playing outside when we pull into our driveway at 5:00 pm. It's just not fair that AJ doesn't get to do that. I mean, he DOES... they play outside at After-care... but... well, you know. All the Arguments. Again, it's probably more for MY comfort than for his, but I'm contemplating. Maybe I'll save the details and have something substantial for my next post. Wouldn't that be novel?!

2. Nearly had a panic attack this week about Money. Lots of things we want to do, like the Anniversary Trip next year, the New Car we'll probably need next year, Kitchen Cabinets/Countertops (please?), and then I thought, "ACK. What about when KT enters St. J's Catholic School?? I can't afford a TEN-thousand dollar payment! Ackackackack bring my smelling salts..." All this came about because I had to sign the form saying I'll pay for AJ's school next year. Took me a while to realize that, OH YEAH, I already pay that much over the course of the year, with AJ's tuition plus KT's daycare. Duh. Actually I think it will be a slight decrease when she gets to Kindergarten. Whew.

3. Except it will be double all the extra t-shirt fees, and books, and uniformsOMG and incidentals like the 2nd-grade charity bake sale and the 2x/year book fair. Yeesh. Money. Can't live with it, can't shoot it. Or something.

4. If your choices today were a) compose an e-newsletter, b) prep for a sales-y phone call tomorrow, c) research some scientific cancer news or d) make calls to sell ad space in your magazine... which would you choose? IKNOWRIGHT? Terrible choices.

5. I think we have AJ's summer schedule figured out. He'll spend a week-ish with my parents, right before we meet them down there on the oily Gulf Coast for Beach Week (or, Pool Week, as it were). And then in mid-July, he'll spend a week with DH's parents in Savannah. I think he's super excited about both. I am going to miss that kid like CRAZY when he's gone, I already know it.

6. Although I haven't written the check yet, I have thought I want us to join the Home Owners' Ass'n this summer, for use of the neighborhood pool. This may also inform #1 re: my schedule. Hmmm.

7. I was recently asked to help with the music for Vacation Bible School. It's during Beach Pool Week, however. AND there's the unfortunate fact of my job. Mornings from 8-12 kiiiinda wouldn't work. SO BUMMED. I adored VBS when I was a kid.

More Quick Takes at Jen's.

Finale

Well, we did lose a game. Tuesday night, actually. 28 to 15 or some crazy score like that. The kids took it well for the most part.

And LAST night, Wednesday, we sat down at the table at 6:00 pm, with mesquite-lime grilled chicken, steamed corn and garlic pasta. "What's this?" the kids asked, curious. "It's called Dinner," I said. "We haven't had one of these since April."

Or at least that's how it has felt.

By the way, I have been sick again, this time a cold, and it's kept me away from my 45-Day-Shred since Monday. I'm back at it tonight, and if I can just do Wed., Thurs, Fri, and Sat., I can call it done. Ridiculous.

Baseball Ready

Lordy. They told us that spring t-ball was going to be "more serious" than fall ball, but they didn't tell me I'd have to fend off rain and mud because heaven forbid we postpone the SACRED TOURNAMENT.

Despite it, I've gotten caught up in wanting to WIN. And somehow, our guys keep pulling it off. In truth, DH and I fully wanted our team to lose at first. (He may still, and part of me does, too.) We were/are both feeling a little s t r e t c h e d by the frequency and intensity. But you can't help fist-pumping when a 6-year-old makes a pop fly catch (and then zings it into the glove of the first baseman, for good measure. Hee.)! They're playing their little hearts out, and man, I hope we keep winning. It means a game every night this week, and 2 on Saturday, but... Emotions are high out there, folks. On every field there are LOUD cheers and CRACKS of the bat. Lovely sounds.

There's definitely a bond with the other parents, too. I've been looking for friends at our school, but maybe t-ball is where we'll really get connected with people. Such nice families; we're lucky to have been matched up so well.

We're very proud of AJ. His attitude has been great, even though he's playing boring ol' left field. He complained about that for 1 minute last night, poor little bunny. But every night, he runs out there and stands "baseball ready" and he swings hard and runs as fast as his legs will carry him.

It was perfect, Because...

Mother's Day is completely pressurized these days. It seems if you're not treated to an entire day at the spa, plus breakfast in bed, fresh flowers and dinner at a French restaurant with kids, pressed and washed, sitting on either side of you, you've not been treated right. Or at least that's what they would have you think.

I'll challenge that. My Mother's Day started as all my other days start, with AJ notifiying me that it is 7:05, Mommy... It's 7:06. Are you getting up now? It's 7:07. I dragged out of the cozy comforter. KT was awake so we plucked her out of her crib before heading downstairs. Being careful not to trip on the 14-year-old dog who makes it his mission to be first to the bottom every time.

A beautiful photo frame with a picture of me and the kids greeted me in the kitchen, along with a sweet card and a gift card to the spa. (DH actually wanted me to grumble on my way down the stairs, so as to surprise me more. And that went according to plan ;)...) But otherwise, things proceeded as normal. Cereal, hot chocolate, coffee, then I made breakfast, I went to Wal-Mart after DH got up, I put groceries away, I even swiped down the bathroom. I sat outside while AJ played with the neighbor kids. He and I planted some caladiums in the front yard. I played pretend Ben 10 with him, which you know I don't really love.

But all those things make me a Mom, don't they? While I could have felt sorry for myself (and at moments, I admit I did), the bigger picture is that I get to be the exact person, in the exact role, that I wanted my whole life. Sweeter still that I was born to be in this role, with these children and this husband. The truth of that was a gift to me yesterday, even as I made my own bed.

Also, it's been a really long time since I had a day without a single committment or any scurrying around! I toodled around Wal-Mart (I was alone, after all; another gift). I puttered around the house getting things done -- even the long-overdue photo album. I cooked a dinner for once! Put it in the crock pot for later. We went for ice cream, and then to Mass, and best of all, the kids played happily for 45 minutes while I boiled the pasta and unloaded the dishes. GIFT! (Usually they cling.)

KT's got a new word: Because. She doesn't use it correctly, but she says it a lot. It's so cute. She says something like, "Guess what?" Then, "Because... See my band-aid, Mama?"

My day didn't make sense either, in one way. But it was perfect Because it was.

Day 25, T-ball, and The Church band

It's at the point now where I have to keep Shredding (hate it as a Verb) because THANK GOD it's nearly over. Not that I'm planning to quit exercising, but I think most people who do this particular workout for the full 30 days get SICK OF IT after a while, amiright? (Please say I'm right.) I am jonesing for my Yoga/Pilates DVD. On the other hand, I am scared that I won't keep up the momentum, will fall right back onto my spot on the couch, with a handful of M&Ms to fill the Jillian void. I don't WANT that, but that's what has traditionally happened, so I expect it to. I'll do my best to fight it, but that'll be new for me. I am really grateful that DH has kept up his workouts since January. 4 days a week, without fail. It's been impressive.

So far I'm not noticing a great physical difference in the place I want to see a difference. My shoulders seem to be getting slight definition (be still my heart, if I someday get to see my collarbones for the first time in my life!), but the post-babies tummy is still a post-babies tummy. Oh well, I suppose I'll have to pretend to feel good about my heart health. HA. Everyone knows that deep down we just want to look nice in a tankini. Okay, enough of this nonsense.

* * *

T-ball tonight. It's the second game in our tournament series. We lost the first 22-0, did I tell you? It was a sad situation.... for the crazy parents/coaches who think this is IMPORTANT or something. DH and I are of the opinion that if the kids are having fun and learning the basic rules, it's ALL GOOD. In contrast, the head coach went to the ballpark last night and the night before, when we had off-nights, to SCOUT the COMPETITION.

Kee-razy. I think I mostly like T-ball because it means I don't have to plan dinner on those nights.

* * *

We had Date Night last weekend. Went to hear one of DH's all-time favorite bands, The Church. It was the last stop on their 30th Anniversary tour. Thirty. Years. OfRockandRoll. Pretty amazing. Maybe you don't remember the Church; they only really had 1 hit in the U.S., "Under the Milky Way," which I'm sure you'd know if you heard it. My only memory of that song from high school is being about 15, and at a party where all the lights were low, and I knew someone was drinking beer and shouldn't be, and I felt uncomfortable and unsure. So I just stared quietly at VH-1, where the blue, watery-looking video was playing.

I never knew anything about their other music until I met DH, but when he put one of their songs on a mix CD for me early in our relationship (a mix CD! how quaint!), called 'Almost With You,' I was hooked. I've seen them twice before, and we both agreed it was one of -- if not the -- best show(s) we've ever seen. Not just of The Church, but of any band. (I feel like I say that after every concert I've seen in the last 10 years. Bon Jovi, U2, Billy Idol...) It was a small venue, and they chatted with the audience -- literally bantering with people between songs -- and there was this enormous mutual respect going on. Because they've been around so long, the band members have come to this profound gratitude for their fans, I think -- who've stuck by them through the requisite breakups, overdoses, and comebacks. And the fans... well, the type of music they play has a lot to do with fan loyalty, I think. It's deep, thought-provoking, with intelligent lyrics and memorable, but complicated and sometimes dark melodies. I think it just grabs hold on a deeper emotional level than a lot of music, so the fans are much more connected.

One thing we loved was the audience. Someone commented to me before the show started that "the guys have all gotten so OLD!" meaning the band. But I looked around at the fellow concert-goers... uh, yeah. If you give a flip about this band, you're pretty much old. The show started exactly at 8:30, as promised (OLD). They did 3 encores, but we were home before midnight the way God intended.

It was really great, and we're both still on concert-high, where all we want to listen to is The Church. I love that. What's the latest show you've seen?

My Dog Ate My Homework

You'd think as an editor slash writer, I could come up with headlines for my own blog. But I'll admit: I've always had trouble with headlines. Even professionally.

It was all I could think of, because this is going to sound like an excuse, but I'm not thinking of it that way. I skipped my workout last night. We had a 4pm art exhibit at school, an unexpected Tball practice, and my in laws arrived yesterday. Dinner was at 8 pm. Kids went to bed at 9.

I've decided "30 consecutive days" is just not practical for... well, for anyone really. But particularly not for me. So I had to skip last night. (I've only skipped twice during this thing, plus the 3 days I was sick.) I don't workout if it's past 9:00 before I can attempt to change clothes.

However, I'm still in the MINDSET of "30 consecutive days," which is a change for me. I'm planning to workout tonight as if I were still on-track. In all the times I've tried before, one slip has led to a complete fall off the wagon. It was, 'Oh, now I'll never finish... it's over. Might as well not even keep trying."

This time, I just change my mental day-counter and continue. So today becomes Day 20 and I'm still on my health kick. Or, I should clarify -- my fitness kick. Because the strawberry pie I made last week (even though it's pretty low in calories) isn't exactly helping my health. Still, a fitness kick is a good kick to be on. I'm happy about it.

Home

I'm working at home today. Oh, working at home, how I have missed you so!! I love sitting next to my kitchen window, with only the QUIET sounds of Napoleon snoring and my dryer finishing a load of whites -- nothing to disturb me! I'm writing an article about going green today, so I've got all the lights turned off, the blinds open, and the appliances unplugged. (Well, not ALL of them, but the ones I can unplug.) I get up every once in a while with purpose. To go swipe down a bathroom or let Puppy out -- not to idly walk to the restroom. I am getting a lot done without the stupid phone or inane chatter to interrupt me.

Home, hommmmmmmme! It's too bad we spend so little time here.

Speaking of home, one of my dumb insecurities was relieved last night during Book Club. I have been thinking a lot about my 1986 kitchen cabinets and ugly off-white Formica countertops. They embarrass me. So, while looking covetously at the hostess' beautiful granite, I came right out and asked, and guess what? Neither girl in attendance could recall what my cabinets look like. Nor have they ever thought, "el-e-e's kitchen is ugly." My longtime friend Melissa said, "You know what I notice about your house? The pictures of your kids. And the way it always smells good."

I tell myself these things, but it's so nice to hear them being spoken.

Home is where the heart is, it's true. And that's a serious cliche of a transition sentence, but I'm glad to be here today. One final reason: A florist delivery man just left my front doorstep. He dropped off a dozen roses from my Darling Husband, with whom I celebrate 9 years today. What a happy anniversary for me!

Gratitude check

--- Whew. That was rough. I didn't eat for 2 days. I supposedly lost 4.5 pounds. I am grateful that's over, and REALLY grateful that I have a husband who took care of me and handled the household while I was sick and useless!

--- I am still loving T-ball. Probably more than the T-ball player, himself, at this point. Last night's game, although it was at 7 pm (LET ME RESTATE: TOO LATE FOR 5-6 YR-OLDS!), was amazing. These kids have finally come together as a team, each one doing his or her part, playing with and FOR each other. They still fall over their feet sometimes, or play in the outfield dirt -- it's still Little League after all -- but they also score their first home runs. Not AJ, but his teammate MC, one of the older boys on the team who works really hard and LOVES baseball. SMACKED one over the fence. His Dad jumped up and down. Team Mom opened the dugout door and all the other kids ran to home plate to congratulate him as he came home. Big moment! It. Was. Awesome. I nearly cried for a kid who's not even my own! (Am nearly crying now, typing it up.) It's just enormously fun, watching kids grow up.

And P.S. opposing team coaches: Trash-talk is not cool at this age. Come On. DH tells me that the kid standing on the pitcher's mound (who wasn't pitching - this is coach-pitch baseball, and DH is our pitcher) was saying all kinds of rude things about each of our batters. "Oooh, bummer, a GIRL." when our pink-helmeted Caroline was up, and "Oh look, a 2-year old!" at AJ's turn. NOT COOL, coaches. There's no place for that crap in wholesome family t-ball. Rrrr. Mama Bear.

--- The weather. Finally spring. Last night it was 74 beautiful degrees for our game. Perfection.

--- Quiet week at work so I can be sick, and now in the last part of the week, accomplish some important lunchtime errands. Sigh..... errands. Oh well, grateful I have them.

Derailed

Of course. Of COURSE the one time I get really, really motivated and want to DO THIS THING to the nth degree, I get sick.

I did Day 12 yesterday, but that was right before I began throwing up etcetra (TMI, sorry), so no suprise, I didn't even finish it. And I'm unsure if I'll be able to do it tonight, either. I haven't been able to eat much of anything besides crackers and Ginger Ale and feeling generally weak.

Dammit. I was going to DO 30 days straight! Oh well. I'll be tacking 2 days on to the end, I guess. So now it's May 7 toward which we're counting down.

Bah.

The difficult things I do

Day 9 was hard last night. I didn't wanna. Luckily, the 20 minutes goes much faster the more you do this stinking workout, but I will admit last night I was whiny before getting started.

Not to worry -- I GOT R DONE. I hate Level 1.

At least yesterday's job task was out of the ordinary. I am planning a small "fashion" spread in our little women's wellness magazine, so I had to go shopping. (Had to.) I like a day where I'm not in the office, but am doing work. Especially one that involves the mall!

But it is difficult for me to spend money like that. And even though it's the company's money, which I kept telling myself -- you're spending someone else's money; shop like you're NOT YOU, pretend you're [my friend who's a good shopper]; don't worry, your budget is padded for this -- I still had to use my own credit card. Which DH had JUST paid off the night before. It hurt a little. Especially when USAA called my cell phone as I was driving back to the office -- to make sure all those charges weren't fraudulent. HA!! They're not used to me spending nearly $300 at a pop.

I did find an $80 Kenneth Cole blouse on major sale for $20 -- and an awesome pair of $80 shoes to match -- so guess what, I will be keeping those after the photoshoot. Heh. That's the upside of using my own credit card. I just won't turn that particular receipt in! (Hey, I HAD to try the shoes on, anyway. Shoe departments get particularly suspicious if you buy a pair without trying them on.)

8 Days A Week

I have been keeping a secret from you. It's not a big deal, but it is, kinda. I haven't kept it from everyone, just this particular space. Guess I just haven't been ready to reflect on the whole situation yet. Sometimes if you think too much -- more than 140 characters, for instance -- you ruin it.

Here it is:

I've done Level 1 of the frickinfrakkin 30 Day Shred every day for 8 days. I swore to myself I wouldn't post anything about it here until I'd gotten through a full 8 days -- don't know why I picked that number, maybe because I knew I wouldn't be able to hold out any longer than that.

EIGHT. DAAAYYYYYYYS, Y'ALL!!!!!! Maybe it doesn't sound like much to you, but me? Working out 8 days in a row without fail? Is a pretty significant accomplishment.

I've been doing it mostly at night, after the kids go to bed. It's not that hard to fit in Jillian's 20 minutes; I don't know why I thought it was, before. I still get to watch my weeknight shows (ahem, fall asleep on the couchevenduringthefinal6episodesofLOSTOMG!!) and get to bed by 11:00-ish. Last night I managed to make AJ's lunch and fold a load of laundry, as well. On Sunday, I did it in the morning, both kids underfoot, and guess what? They didn't care. AJ did it with me, actually. And then, since I wasn't doing it again until Monday night, I felt so grateful that I had "a long break." HA! My brain has been scrambled.

My endurance is improving. Those cardio butt-kicks? Easy-peasy. Although last night I tried to use larger hand weights (5 lbs each) and ... uh, no. I'll stick with 2.5 for now. Heh.

I'm pretty sick of Level 1, but determined to do it for TEN DAYS and then switch, because Level 2 is going to be such a welcome relief. I'm actually looking forward to feeling SORE on Day 12, after Level 2's inaugural run.

I'm hopeful that there will be visible results, but I also know to keep my expectations in check. I am counting calories too, but not being very strict about it. (Last night's jelly bean overdose as an example. These modern jelly beans from Starburst and Jolly Rancher, my goodness! So yummy! So soft!) My long-term plan is to FINISH this 30 days, to ACCOMPLISH a fitness goal for once in my life, and then rotate in more yoga and pilates. Maybe walking/jogging. Maybe even have a rest day. Mostly I want to be beach-ready. I have hated myself in my bathing suits the last 3 beach trips.

So, that's it. Health kick!

Tending

Something I notice is that when I see the lady who tends all the plants in our building, I feel a little jealous of her. She's quiet, unassuming, and walks around with her watering can and spray bottle, in a beige uniform shirt and work boots.

I used to get this same feeling when, on a weekday, I would see landscaping people in people's yards, or on the grounds of a corporate building. Especially if they were women. Tending little pansies and peonies in the middle of a Wednesday -- imagine! What a pleasant life that must be, I think.

The irony is that my Career Skill Set does not include plant-tending. I've killed many a houseplant and even some in the yard, accidentally, over the years. (I think it's because I don't have TIME to tend them properly, but you could argue it's a real-live black thumb.) I also don't do any of our yardwork at home; I leave it to DH. I babysit, he tends the garden.

Anyway, I think being a plant-tender/landscaping assistant would be a pleasant existence. "Touch the earth every day," is a simple living mantra I've liked. Maybe it's my farming roots calling to me.

What's something completely surprising that you think you'd enjoy?

Perfect Easter

For me, it was perfect.

We woke up early, AJ rushing downstairs to find the Bunny's treasures, and me whispering, "Wait! Wait for everyone!" behind him, as I watched the adults (Mom and Dad came up to stay with us) stumble into their pants and rub their eyes. Hee. The rest of us caught up and the kids marveled at all the CANDY. Admittedly, there wasn't as much as some years; the Bunny tried to restrain herself in light of all my Jamie Oliver talk. Pinwheels, a frisbee, a book or two, stickers, and Hex bugs rounded out their baskets.

But chocolate for breakfast is totally allowed on this one day of the year. (In fact, I was so lenient that KT ate chocolate all day. We'd find her trolling the plastic eggs looking for more treats, at various quiet times during the day. She used our busy kitchen duties to her full advantage and found a lot of times to sneak away.)

After that -- and seriously, no real breakfast -- we went back upstairs to get ready for 9:00 a.m. Mass. We did this last year, and pulled it off, so we thought we'd try it again. Easter miracles, indeed -- we made it with plenty of time to spare, no meltdowns, and found both parking and an empty pew into which no usher attempted to squeeze any more than the 6 of us. I was feeling guilty for the luxury of comfortable seating the whole time, but... eh. If the usher isn't aware that he could seat 2 more parishioners, Not Really My Problem. The kids were even well behaved.

We had two funny things happen during Mass. One was by our own kid. KT, at one point before Communion but after the readings I think, said aloud, "I weady to go home now." Clear as a bell. I don't think anyone heard her but the folks directly near us, but it had us giggling. And the second was during the Consecration. We had just sung, "Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again!" when another baby on the other side of church shouted, "YAYYYY!" I mean, right in rhythm. The priest actually had to stop and calm his own giggles for that one. He smiled and said, "AY-MEN." It was awesome. Made the whole church happy.

I whispered to DH during Mass that I Wanted to Take Pictures afterwards, out in front under the cherry trees. Because he needs a preemptive warning, otherwise he'll rush off to the car toute de suite. I'm all for hanging around to see if there's anyone who wants to chat with us after we leave Mass (there never is) but he's OUT the door. Heh. It doesn't bother me (parking IS sort of difficult there) but think it's funny. Anyway, we took some pictures that, if I do say so myself, turned out beautifully. We found our cars and headed home where the front-yard egg hunt awaited.

Fast forward to the cooking. I had planned a simple but nice Easter dinner. Mom and I tottered around the kitchen from about 11:00 until we served at 3:30, but it was so nice. We were able to kind-of cook one thing at a time so it didn't feel rushed at all. AJ was oblivious, working on his new Word Search puzzle book. DH and my Dad did some work out in the yard, which I know tired them out. Maybe for them it wasn't exactly the Perfect, relaxing Easter Sunday, but still. (They were out of my kitchen, which was helpful. Thank you, dear hardworking men!) I was worried that since KT was so busy eating chocolate and hadn't napped, we'd have a meltdown right at serving time. Didn't happen. She managed just fine, ate lots of corn and ham, and didn't even break the Lenox plate I let her use. We ate:

Honey Baked Ham
Mashed Potatoes
Corn on the Cob
Sweet and Sour Green Beans
Deviled Eggs
Dinner Rolls (from frozen, are you kidding?)

and Strawberry Shortcake for dessert. Dinner was slow, and conversation lively. I like that. I don't like when holiday dinners are over in fifteen minutes, all that work gone with barely enough time to acknowledge it.

We cleaned. Again, it was enjoyable, and comforting, to stand there with my Mom washing, me hand-drying, playing with my wedding pretties. :) I love that we went ahead and used the good china and silver. I was inspired by the simple minded suburbanite to attempt to create some kind of little legacy for my kids. I hope it worked. Afterwards, we sat down with a glass of something to drink (white wine for me, Dr. Pepper for Mom), and after I put KT to bed -- At 6:30 p.m., another miracle -- we could just reflect on what a lovely day it had been.

I just wanted to record all that. A Major Holiday so stress-free and easy is truly a treasure I want to remember.

New (somewhat ranty, somewhat linky) Things

I've/we've been doing some new things. Starting with the most important and ending with the least:

1. Going to Confession. Well, I did it once. Last week. I had been kinda hoping to get to go to our parish's Reconciliation Service, but it was on a Monday night at 7:00 pm and I didn't see how I could get the whole family there, or even just myself and AJ, and get him home by bedtime. I know I need to start going again because AJ's first confession LOOMS in 2nd grade! Luckily (or not), the Music Director called and, whoops! He needed a cantor at the last minute, and couldn't I come step in for him? I think God might have wanted me there, no? Or, heard me thinking, "I wish I could go..." and found a way to Make It Happen. Thanks, God! So anyway, it was a long wait in line even though they had 15 priests there to help, and the confession itself was your run-of-the-mill "Impatient with spouse and children, Don't always get to church every Sunday, Say a Rosary for penance" kind of confession. I went back and forth being nervous and not caring, although I can't go anywhere NEAR a penance service without crying just a little. It's all so holy! And emotional! I love it, in a way. I enjoyed imagining all the sad, guilt-ridden little prayers and wishes of all the different people whispering to various priests, prayers rising up into the air and then being gently blown away into the clean, clean air. It's nice imagery. (And then there's the annoying "Rules" about going once a year, and the "Why don't all the other Christians have to?" thoughts. Heh. It's a constant conflict, Catholicism.)

2. Going to Urgent Care. And seeing my baby boy have to deal with something that he didn't expect. Something that embarassed him (an ugly rash and accompanying set of big ol' blisters on his little cherubic face, poor thing). Something that he had to learn to explain to his friends without breaking down because they're thinking, if not saying outright, "OMG, what IS that?" It's been a learning experience for us both. Mommy learning to accept that he's going to get hurt in this life, and him learning (hopefully) to be brave, to not listen to what others say/think about him, and to accept people even when they have weird growths on their faces. Man. Heavy stuff.

3. Watching a whole lot of Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution. Well, I mean it's only been broadcacst twice, but I'm smitten with the show. And I'm posting about it because all of you guys should watch. For one thing, who doesn't love Jamie's accent?! He is a cutie pie. It's been eye-opening and mirror-pointing, in that I've realized just how much CRAP I actually feed my own kids on a daily basis. I know I'm much less of a food a**hole (hat tip, Kristen) than most of the mom-bloggers I read. I sent AJ to school with ABCs and 123s (the orange ones) for lunch today, along with a Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pie, okay? And I do that regularly. He eats Oscar Meyer bologna. (Baked) Cheetos. Trix yogurt. (He also eats fruit every day, just so you're not calling DFCS on me, righteous food a-holes!) HOWEVER. I want to try to be better about all this. I'm really, really trying to serve the kids more fruits and vegetables, and my mission over the next few months is going to be to start trying them out on some new meal options. This, for instance. For another thing, I'm trying to substitute, in my mind -- on nights when I want to just take the easy route and order a pizza, I'm trying to do a fruit/crackers/cheese dinner instead. As long as you're reading about it, a great ranty link about this subject (and others) is at supercool Rita Arens' blog today. AMEN!! But still. This topic has been in the forefront of my brain for the last 3 weeks.

4. One final New Thing. I cleaned out my sock drawer. Remember? From the to-do list How many weeks ago?? It's done. That's new.