work(s) for us

I've been reading a lot about motherhood in the blogosphere -- stay-at-home vs. work-outside-the-home, mostly. We talked about it In Real Life, too, at my Book Club recently (since 3 of the 5 of us had babies in 2004, and one is expecting now). Perhaps the Universe wants me to be thinking about it. I suppose it's a debate that goes on and on ad infinitum, but I feel like I want to throw my 2 cents' in, just because I feel confused by all the conversations and want to sort out my feelings.

When DH and I first got married, we talked about having kids, and I expressed the deep desire to be able to stay at home with our kids. I couldn't imagine any other way, since my mother stayed at home with us 'til we went to school (and even then was a teacher with kid-friendly hours), and since all of my cousins and relatives were staying at home with their kids. And because I think that fundamentally, it's important for kids to have their mommies. It scared my husband a bit, because he had to admit he was not making as much as he would have liked at the time, and might not be when the time came for us to jump on the baby-train. It worried him that he couldn't "provide" for me like I wanted to be provided for. But when you're married, you have to work together on all things, and I started facing the reality that perhaps I wouldn't be able to stay at home full-time. I was surprised that this was my reality. But I certainly did not want to put my husband in a position where he was over-stressed, or overworked, or required to take a 2nd job. I didn't feel (and still don't) that would be fair. Plus, as I look at it now, it allows the the (overworked) father to be the "bread-winner" and get away with leaving ALL the baby duties to the mother. Not fair. (Not that my own DH would do that, or yours, either, but the opportunity exists.) Parenting is a team effort. And I don't mean 'team' as in, "you do your part, I'll do mine." I mean, "hold my hand, we are in this -- all of it, every minute -- together."

As I thought about it, I counted up all the moms I knew who worked outside the home. The ones I could think of were excellent mothers. Their kids were well behaved, loved, and not any different from any SAHM kids I could think of. So, I thought, Self, we can do this. It might not be the ideal, but this is what God has planned for us at the moment.

Is it a cost issue entirely? Maybe. (Although I do like my job and get some satisfaction/enjoyment from still being part of the workforce. Call me selfish.) Am I to blame because I never did write out all our expenses and find all the ways we could pare down -- giving up cable, dry cleaning, dinners out, etc. Probably. We like the way we live. It isn't extravagant, but yeah, we like wearing nice clothes (I buy lots of mine at Target, and Talbot's when I have a gift card). We like cable. I know people who've done the budgeting thing, though, and guess what, they didn't find a magic formula either. The Mom in that family still works at her publishing job. (So there.)

So far, this is working okay for us. Don't misunderstand: I pray every day (well, almost), that the promotion DH is waiting for comes through, and that I can actually stay at home. (Don't tell my boss.) Part of me definitely worries what the added responsibility will do to him. Emotional and physical strain come to mind. He's such a good husband -- he's willing to take all that on.

Please understand that I KNOW full-time mommyhood is a full-time job. Believe me. Maternity leave proved that to me. SAHMs talk about it being their "vocation." I agree. My thought is that, whether or not you work outside the home, motherhood is a vocation. Vocare -- to call. I was called to motherhood. My husband was called to fatherhood. God chose us -- called us -- to bring up this little person, to love him and care for him and provide for him. He chose for us to do it this way, for now. He might lead us in a different direction in the future. And it's all the way it's meant to be. Some people are called to one career at one time, and called to change careers later. At the moment, I'm called to 2 jobs at once. What a gift. God trusts me with all this.