Fervent (prayers) all through the night

Last night was a rough one. Little AJ doesn't like this being sick business. And he especially doesn't like when he rolls over onto his back and can't roll back to his tummy, which happens sometimes during the night when he's too sleepy to make the effort. It woke him up every time and you'd think someone had stuck him with a sharp tack, the way he cried. DH and I spent the night trading places in the rocking chair. I can count at least 3 cumulative hours sleeping there with him instead of in my bed. It's just so sad to see and hear this little, helpless baby and know exactly how miserable he feels, and that you can't do much about it. He has a funny way of whining -- it's a high-pitched, moaning little cry -- that just exudes, "I don't feeeeel good," and he reaches up and just wants someone to hold him. If he were a blogger he'd put a million sad smileys after it. :( :( :( Breaks a mommy's heart.

But as I was sitting there, wondering if my little man was ever going to fall back to sleep (and why the stinking Tylenol was not reducing his fever), I started thinking of all the mommies who have much bigger worries to deal with, like lukemia and AIDS, and the very poor whose babies are starving. The tsunami victims whose babies are sick and don't have a home or a bed. All the little ones at children's hospitals who are born with problems and whose mommies can't even hold them. And I sat there and sobbed like a baby myself. I cannot, cannot imagine their pain. My little guy's cold is so minor in comparison. So I prayed my heart out for them. Asked God to ease their burdens and heal their children. Asked the Blessed Mother to comfort their hearts and ask her Son to bring them peace. Asked to understand why, oh why the helpless ones have to suffer. Asked that in His merciful plan, He'll spare me from that kind of pain during AJ's life. Because I know I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I don't know why I got so emotional about it all -- lack of sleep, I'm sure -- but there it is. The sufferings of a mother's soul. There is great joy, yes, but there is also real pain. My heart hurts. Can I take anything for that?

I'm SO thankful that this morning, AJ seemed to feel better. He had about 10 oz of formula and even some juice, and gave us a few smiles, and, the best news of all, his fever is down. Let's hope it continues this way and we can get back to the joyful side of parenthood!