Um, just one more thing...

Two friends said they actually LIKE the stressy posts. So, stressy it is:

-- Why THIS WEEK of all weeks, did we have a virus attack one of our servers?? (Part of my company's job is that we host some web sites that we've designed, although we don't have servers OR technical people on-site. I.E., ME, I am not a technical person and I don't know how to fix it -- but I'll get to field the phone calls of pissed-off clients.) The one guy from our group who seems to enjoy fussing over and "deploying solutions to" this kind of problem is, of course, out of town. *Sing-song voice:* LOVE-LY!

-- And BTW, corporate IT who run our email: GET REMOTE WEBMAIL TO WORK, dammit! We're in the middle of a weekend server-virus-crisis but can't check our email because.... I don't know why because. Because our multi-national company still runs a crappy version of LOTUS NOTES instead of Outlook, like the rest of the free world.

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That's it for real stress this Monday morning. And do I really care? No. This weekend in family-world, we knocked a whole bunch of crap off the list, like mailing Christmas cards (whose idea...? nevermind), getting haircuts, buying and wrapping a few more gifts, and baking. I made Lemon Poppyseed bread, which is really more like cake, and I'll post the recipe soon, AND I made my favorite peanut-chocolate "cussters" as AJ is calling them. That recipe:

Melt some chocolate bark. Dump in some cocktail peanuts. Stir. Spoon into cluster shapes on wax paper. The end.

I also had lunch with a friend Saturday, and laughed and laughed with her, and then attended a really fun Christmas party with some other friends -- a cast of characters for sure -- that made me COUNT MY BLESSINGS. (Swistle: haHA! You're so right! But still.) Let's just say there were cards and appetizers and one man farting outright, which was gross and so NOT in the Christmas spirit, but... still funny, and I felt like PART of the group, and the women talked in one room while the men looked at a video game in the other room until we raised our eyebrows to the vaulted ceilings to get them to quit and come be merry with us. And they were. AJ was beyond cute and everyone told me so. I think he may even have beaten out a 10-month-old for receiving the Most Attention. Look, he may not be very socially active among his own generation, but the kid knows how to work a room of adults, I'll give him that. Could be a very handy skill one day.

Finally, one of my favorite things was putting my Christmas china front and center in the china cabinet on Sunday while AJ napped. It looks so festive and it makes me surprisingly happy to putter around --gently... ever...so...gently...-- with bone china. :)

Christmas Past, Present, and Future

So! *Brisk claps* (hat tip to Swistle) No more stupid stress-n-drang talk! Pinky swear.

On to fun holiday questionnaires from Sophie.


I'm supposed to tell you my favorite childhood gift, my favorite gift I received as an adult, and a gift I would like to receive in the future.

BUT FIRST: Important, and relative, Literature Question: In your opinion, did Scrooge have a really vivid dream, or was he ACTUALLY visited in the night by those famous Christmas ghosts? I mean, as "actually" as possible -- it is a story, after all. Just curious -- either way, he was morally moved and ultimately redeemed, so it's all good. I personally think it was a dream. But since it's a story, it COULD have been a real visitation...

My favorite childhood Christmas gift: It's pretty hard to decide. The two that stand out are my kitchen set -- a white wooden stove and sink that must have been hand-painted -- and my JAM BOX, received when I was about 11 and listening to the radio for the first time. Y'all, it had a DOUBLE tape deck. I pirated many a cassette with that gift. I believe that was also the year I received Wham! Make It Big and Mr. Mister, Welcome To the Real World, so I was rockin' hard core.

My favorite adulthood gift: The first Christmas DH and I were married, he surprised me with an extra stocking gift -- a velvet box with these teeny diamond chip earrings. He said, "I had to get you something sparkly." Awww. I don't wear them very often, but that doesn't mean I don't love them. They mean a whole lot to me. It was such a sweet, young-love romantic gesture.

A gift wish for the future: One day, probably not next year or even the year after that, but one day, I'd really like to do a kitchen remodel. It's not something that can be wrapped up with ribbons and bows, but it sure will take the place of any gifts for me the year we decide to do it!

No taggies today, if you want to play let me know so I can come see!

Alright, this is just getting insane

The lists are going to eat me alive. I'm making more lists. I'm making lists to organize my lists. I want to clean everything. I want to put away stuff in AJ's new room so when I glance in there I don't see loose screws and brackets rolling around on the nightstand. I want to BAAAAAAKE. Lemon Poppyseed bread, cookies, heck, I even want to make banana pudding which I don't really like (but hubby does) and I feel like Making Stuff and making him Happy. And I happen to have some pudding mix on-hand.

This is nesting, right?

Other things that are insane:
- That my manager can't say "Staff meeting at 10," he has to say "staff meet at 10." Meet. Never MEET-ING. Not even "Mtg." "meet." All lowercase. Makes me twitch.

- That my back-door neighbor, always a strange yardbird, and that's the only way we know him, really, by watching him do yardwork.... decided yesterday to pile all of his raked leaves in the drainage ditch that runs through his yard.... and ours. So, we're all under a drought watch and outdoor watering ban, right? He can't burn the leaves until we get about four feet of rain and are able to use our hoses again. And whose yard is going to flood if we DO get any rain? That's right, mine. His leaves are going to cause a backup, I just know it. So he burned a few last night in a barrel, which, despite the outdoor watering ban *HELLO SAFETY VIOLATION I WANTED TO CALL THE COPS,* was preferable to letting them sit in the ditch... I think?

- Three-year-olds.

- That this week my only two freelance projects both come due, GAH, while I have no free time because of an influx of office work projects, too! I'll handle it, just... pardon me one more time while I WHII-YI-Y-YIIINE.

- That AJ turned down his beloved Pop Tart this morning for a Clementine instead. What the... who the...?

I should point out that my Dear Husband could sense my sanity level sinking this weekend (might have been all the crying out loud) and ushered me out of the house on Sunday afternoon. I had my nails done. It was lovely.

EDITED TO ADD: Sorry, guys. Really sorry. I just revisited my archives from the last, what, 3 months? and every other post has been, "I'm stressed and I'm busy." BULLlAAAGHGAHH. So boring. I will try to come up with a different topic, I sware. ;)

Fat on top, but not "fat on time"

Or: el-e-e rambles on and on -- be warned

Something I forgot about pregnancy and weight gain, as I have gone about my merry way eating every brownie and snack-pack of M&Ms I can find, is that you gain weight not only in your belly, but also around the torso -- the shoulders and triceps and, naturally, the chestseses. Padding and extra fat for making milk and all that jazz. I was cruelly reminded of this fact yesterday when I took my bridesmaid dress to be altered. Horrifying. I haven't been wearing all that many spaghetti straps lately, you know. I hadn't noticed. I was a bit surprised to be so stinking voluptuous. These wedding photos are going to be happy memories, aren't they? Gaaah. Oh well, motivation I suppose. In the three weeks from now 'til the wedding, I don't suppose my little 2.5-pound handweights are going to do one ounce of good, especially since I plan to CONITNUE eating brownies. It's Christmas for Pete's sake. So screw it. I'll be the fat bridesmaid and everyone will marvel when they look back at 2007, and say, "Wow, she really lost that pregnancy weight, didn't she?" YES THEY WILL.

I feel like I just can't, and will never, catch up with my December schedules and to-do lists. Every time I scratch one item off, I definitely add a few others. Every day at lunch is some errand that must be accomplished TODAY. It's only the 7th but I feel like I'm already late shipping presents to Seattle and Virginia and various other locales. Is everyone else getting this unnecessary "hurry-up" vibe? I heard "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" this morning on the radio and thought, "Beginning?? Sheesh, people, where have YOU been? We're late, we're late for a very impor-tant-date!"

Deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths.

Hey, I KNOW you people buy some holiday gifts that are perishables. Chocolates, fruits, etc. There comes a point in your life when you just don't think you need any. more. random. STUFF, so your neighbors and uncles and parents' friends, whose homes have been filling up 20 years longer than yours, don't either. Do you go with Hickory Farms or Harry & David, in those cases? Is there a favorite gourmet food gift that you give? We had a client once who always sent us Crate & Barrel's Christmas snacks, which are DIVINE. I like those. Last year, I was introduced to John & Kira's floral chocolates, and WOW. They're pretty snazzy. Sometimes I just run to World Market and pick up something that looks international, hoping it suffices. If you have some fancy regional or local food item that I need to check out and can order online (I have about 3 gifts of this sort that I need to buy), spill it!

Wouldn't it be fun to hear some of the RESULTS of all this Christmas-purchasing frenzy? I think it would. I can't tell you everything, because many of my recipients read this blog. But I can tell you a few things:

For Nanny (DH's grandmother): 2 twenty-five-dollar Schwann's gift certificates. We got her these last year and she hasn't stopped raving about how useful they were. She has shopped with Schwann's for years.

For my MIL: The new Eagles' CD; a hand-painted ceramic plaque that says, "I am woman. I am invincible. I am tired." (ha!) Saw that and loved it and it's definitely her style; an Emerilware skillet that she asked for.

For my FIL: a pair of jeans; a Thrashers ballcap; half of a new office chair (we're counting on my brother in law to pay the other half and actually purchase this -- I'm not sure he can be counted on, but I hope so. *Add to to-do list: DH needs to call BIL and remind him.*)

For my secret-Santa cousin: a book I think she will like (and now Sis probably knows who I got)

For AJ: Shake-n-Go Crash Cars racetrack; 2 new Imaginex dinosaurs (from Gammy, but posing as From Santa); an air-powered football kicker-guy; 3 Berenstain Bears books; a preschool-appropriate clock for his room (from Grandmommy but might pose as From Santa); and for his stocking, some animal figurines, loads of stickers, some candy, etc. etc. We're still mulling over the V-Tech or Leapster handheld. Can't decide. I'd love to hear what you're buying.

Add a Dash of Meaning

I'll admit that I got caught up in a bit of a frenzy right after Thanksgiving, in preparation for the small party we had this past weekend. We decorated the house and have been ordering and buying and wrapping presents... even baked some goodies. We also had a birthday party thrown in there for extra stress good measure, and so the "spirit" of the season so far has basically been one of Hurry Up and Git R Done, as we say here in Georgia.

However, I would really prefer to have an appropriately anticipatory ADVENT. (Say it 3 times fast: GO!) Last year I managed to remember that we "deck the halls" for a reason -- to quietly create a space in our homes and hearts to welcome the King. And this year.... well, we didn't make it to Mass on the first Sunday of Advent (or the last Sunday of Ordinary Time, either) if that's any indication.

It makes me sad when we don't make it to church. But that's another topic for another day.

Onward. Advent. Looking forward. I did let AJ help me set up our nativity scene on the fireplace hearth, and it felt good to share that with him, telling him who these characters are, and what they are doing at the stable. Of course, he wants to put them ALL in the "house," so they don't get wet when it rains. I have to keep telling him that the shepherd with that lamb in his arms can't go in, because that lamb is too loud and will definitely wake up the baby Jesus. And that the 3 wise men are just visiting -- it isn't their house and they didn't wipe their feet, so they need to stay outside and just watch.

It's cute, and he's learning the Christmas story bit by bit.

I'd like to do the following other Adventy, preparatory things this year:

1. Get an Advent wreath. I say this every year and have yet to do it. I like the idea of having one at home and then the kids noticing, hey, there's one at church, too! (This has more impact if we start GOING to church, ahem.) I'm not saying we need to do all the prayers around it or anything that devout; I just kinda feel like it'd be nice to have one. THINGS beget questions, and questions become teaching opportunities. And besides, I like candles and need a centerpiece for the dining room table.

2. Paint or make some ornaments. There's a great how-to here," -- hey, look at that, I'm an "editor!" what fun to collaborate with kara marie! -- but I might not actually BAKE ornaments. I think I have some ceramic ones already in a craft drawer somewhere. It's still a fun activity and maybe AJ can paint some and then decide whom he'd like to give them to. Thus teaching him about the spirit of giving, instead of receiving, see.

3. Hmm. Why don't you help me here. Do you do any Adventy things? A paper chain? A Jesse Tree (OVERACHIEVER)? Even if it's just driving around the neighborhood one evening, looking at all the lights (we're TOTALLY doing that, too). Make our December meaningful. :)

Cute-isms and oddities of the weekend

AJ was sitting at the table eating a snack, when his foot must have fallen asleep. He said, "Ow, Mama! My foot feels all sparkly!"

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Saturday night, we woke to a little boy standing by the bed saying he'd had a bad dream. (First time this has ever been reported live and in person!) He naturally proceeded to kick us in the ribs the rest of the night, and was ready to wake up by 6:00am. Gah.

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This morning around 4:30, Hubby woke me to point out that AJ was sleeping on the floor, in the corner of our room, wedged between the armoire and some CD binders. Why there? Who knows. We thought it best to return him to his own bed. He didn't mention it when we all woke up later, and we didn't ask.

Have yourself a ranty little Christmas

Listen, I understand that the radio stations are businesses, and that they have to play more than 12 songs in their rotations, in order that people will listen and not switch the station, in order to get the good ads. So I know that musicians need to write new versions of old songs. How else will the station fill 24 hours of Christmas Tunes, now 'til Christmas?? How, I ask you! But I have BONES TO PICK -- mostly music-nerd and English-nerd bones, so bear with me, here -- with some of the newest versions of 2 of my favorite Christmas carols. OH MY GOD.

First, someone has recorded a very swing-y, very filled-out version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." There are a lot of embellishments and odd syncopations, and it is rubbing me the wrong way. Because, listen to the words: Merry Little Christmas. It's a little thing. A delicate, simple notion of Christmas. The words spell out what the music should be. The four even eighth notes of the original "mer-ry lit-tle" are ON PURPOSE, people.

That one gets a warning -- minor offense.

Over on the local Christian station, someone else has done a big band/swing version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." This one doesn't bother me as much with its swing rhythm, because it's big band in very obvious ways, like lots of horns and a big, brassy, round vocal lead -- he sounds like Michael Buble or Harry Connick and I really like those guys. HOWEVER. This version has hijacked the lyrics for Extreme Right Evangelicalism and it pisses me off. It says,

"Through the years, we all will be together,
If His grace allows...
Hang a shiny star upon the highest bough..."

Nothing wrong with "If His Grace allows," I guess, but nothing wrong with saying "the Fates," either!! I mean, dang, it's just LITERATURE. Just mythology, the first stories the world ever had. But NOooo, we wouldn't want to allude to something other than GOD allowing things to happen, not even innocent, literary Fate. That wouldn't be Christian enough. Errrrrrgh. Annoying. I almost can't listen to this one.

Traffic ticket. You have violated the song in a big way.

Finally. This week I have heard 2 separate versions of "The Little Drummer Boy," both with LOUD drums and/or background vocals like Doo-wops or Doot-doots, intruding on the song. Here again, you idiot "songwriters" of today: LOOK AT THE LYRICS. The beauty of this song is its simplicity. The older, choral version (that thankfully, you still hear on the radio), barely has any accompaniment. That is no accident! The haunting silence of the moment where the little drummer boy offers to play his drum is what MAKES this song. Am I right? The pause before... "Then... He smiled at me...." ?? Is BEAUTIFUL. Makes your throat catch in the back. BEGS to be followed by a reverent, appropriate ending: "Me and my drummm." My simple, tiny, seemingly insignificant drum. That made God the baby smile. NOT my LOUD, FAST, BASHING DRUM-SOLO DRUM, which is, I swear, what one of these ridiculous versions served up.

APPALLING. Go to Jail. Go directly to Jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect any candy canes from me.

Score!

Shopping solo on lunch break: One of the perks of being a working mom.
Also, shopping for clothes: One of the perks of being pregnant. Must shop! No alternative, nothing fits! (Certainly can't go naked, no one wants that!)

Anyway, I totally forgot there's a Motherhood store by my office. Went in there today and spent a cool Benjamin - lots on sale.

These two sweaters for $14.99 each. Totally can be dressed up or down. Not too heavy (it's only in the 50s-60s here, not freezing arctic like the Old Navy Christmas commercials want you to think).

Precious pink (almost too pink, but my heart called out to it) blouse. Not on sale, but I will wear it a lot between now and Feb 24th, and it'll help ease Hubby's transition to the Pink-i-Side Layer. ("CATS" reference. Anyone? Bueller?)

Check out this ruffley blouse. NINE-ninety-nine, baby. I almost bought two. Probably should have, but I also needed jeans, and found some in Large-Petite. I don't think you need a visual on jeans, but they're appropriately cute.

I am proud of myself and happy to have some new things. I looked for a coat/jacket -- don't think I can get through all of winter without one that closes properly in the front -- but they didn't have my size. Bummer. Shopping is fun if you allow yourself!

I also went to Party City for some pirate-costume stuff. Our next-door neighbor turns four, and wants a pirate party with everyone (including parents) dressed up. ARRRRgh, matey. But at least PC had some stuff -- eye patches, small swords, a Jolly Roger hat. AJ is going to be cute again this weekend, pictures to follow!

Then I bought a 6-inch Subway and SunChips. Score, again. It's been a VERY good day so far.

Thursday Thirteen

There's a girl in my office who just graduated from college in May of '07, so this is her first year in the real world of No Christmas Month Off. It has made me remember of some things I loved about Christmastime in college.

1. Um, having a MONTH OFF. We used to finish exams around the 9th or 10th of December, and not return from Winter Break until January 6th or something. That was so awesome.

2. Finals and Reading Week. Yeah, I know that's crazy, but I was a nerd. I liked having no classes to attend, and getting to manage my own study-time however I saw fit. I especially liked the exams that weren't "exams" so much as "homework," like the take-home tests in English. Holing up in a cozy library study carrel for hours. Pages of essay questions, and you could use your textbooks for reference. They were tiring, but not as stressful as a timed scan-tron form.

3. Being in the chorus. We always performed a Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols, which I'd never heard of until college. (My previous Catholic choirs didn't do all the fancy Anglican stuff back at home! Such a tragedy!) It was a busy time but the biggest extra-curricular event of my year, for four years. I loved everything about it -- choir robes, candles, processions, decorating the huge church, the solemnity, readings from a King James version, professors in regalia, and of course, the music.

4. I especially loved the years when my parents came for the Festival -- and freshman year, when Maryb came with them.

5. There's one spot on campus I can remember feeling very "wintery;" a small bridge that went over the creek. Always felt quaint and silent to me.

6. Making mix tapes (TAPES!) of my dorm-mates' Christmas music. I know I had at least 2 of these and they were so fun. One has John Denver singing with the Muppets.

7. I didn't love this at the time, but I love to remember the fact that I sometimes rode home with the most RANDOM people -- people I didn't really know, but who lived near Pensacola and left a "ride-share" note on the campus post office wall. I can think of one group, especially, that was just an odd combination of kids, but turned out to be a decent road trip. I just think it's funny, spending that time with basic strangers, whom I've never seen again and didn't impact my life in any real way -- but they were part of it.

8. Ohmigosh, I nearly forgot -- Mark and Jason's annual Christmas party! Two friends of mine always put on a huge bash in their basement apartment before we left for home. One of the "features," besides Dundee's Honey Brown, was a huge sheet of white butcher paper, fastened to the dark hallway wall, where we'd draw pictures and write stupid drunk messages to each other. I mean, um, not me, Mom... I wrote stupid sober messages of course.

9. Shopping for my family at Lenox Mall, which, at the time, felt so refined and big-city. I especially loved taking the shuttle with my friend, Kim, before I had my car on campus.

10. Care packages from Mom and Dad. I think I received one with hot chocolate once. :)

11. Mistletoe. Not kissing under it, but the fact that it was growing in the trees on the quad. I'd never seen it "live" before -- didn't know where it came from, actually, 'til I saw it at college.

12. Christmas cards. Actually sending some of my own, after I got home for break, to friends from all over that I'd met at school.

13. Senior year, my roommate and I moved off-campus to an apartment of our own. We got our first Christmas tree and hosted a "trim-the-tree" party where we asked each guest to bring an ornament. Some friends made ornaments, others bought them, and I still hang some of them on our family tree, now. Fun to remember where they came from. I think new couples should do this so if you know of someone who's having an "our first Christmas" this year, pass this idea on!

Happy Thursday! Go visit other participants! thursdaythirteen.com

One of our holiday traditions

The holidays for me (and my Mom -- did I tell you I'm turning into my Mom?) are all about Tradition. That's with a capital T, and the word pops out of our mouths more than absolutely necessary: when we do something that we may have done once before. I guess we just want to attach meaning to family time, in every possible instance. For example, buying Barnie's "Santa's White Christmas" flavored coffee, which I did yesterday at my regular old Publix: We have to say, "It's Tradition," with a grin. For some reason we feel the need to declare that fact, even though... who cares what kind of coffee I buy? (My Mom does.)

It's delicious, by the way.

Last night we began getting out all our Christmas decorations, and I decided we needed to put up the tree, hang ornaments with AJ, and then toast with hot chocolate, per Tradition. We're having a small party on Saturday night and I want the house to be decorated. (Aside: I'm pretty darn excited about this party, even though it's not a big deal -- not a "Christmas Open House" or a fancy "Holiday Desserts and Champagne" kind of shindig where everyone dresses in velvet and black patent leather. It's just a few work buddies and their spouses. But A) it's a grown-up party -- all the people we've invited are older than me, no college friends (heh), and B) Every year I LONG to have a holiday party but never really have the time or the momentum to schedule one. So this year, thanks to Husband's momentum, I get to! I also got to go to the mountains in the early fall this year, so some of the things I've wished were Tradition are maybe coming to be. ...and you see how neatly I snuck that in? I've done these things exactly ONCE but I'm declaring them.) I was supposed to put a few things up, like the wreath and some candles, while I worked at home yesterday, but it just didn't happen so I already felt behind. Then AJ lingered over his dinner and dilly dallied while NOT washing his hands as asked, so we were getting pretty thin on time.

I'm making a short story long. What I want to tell you is that our Tradition, every year, is to hurry with the artificial tree primping and fluffing -- yes we use an artificial tree and we LOVE IT. It's totally paid for itself for 5 years running and I think it has at least 2 more years of life in it. Then I typically start wrapping the lights around, starting at the top. Then DH looks at me and says, "Oh... you're starting at the top?" Then I get defensive and say, "YES. This is how I do it every year." Rrrr. If he's so smart why do *I* do it every time, I wonder.

He turns, and probably rolls his eyes while he continues checking strings at the nearest outlet. I get two strings placed in the branches, then realize the prong ends aren't going to line up right with the extension cord at the bottomdammit. Meanwhile, DH has found 2 strings that are half multi-colored and half dead. So we explain to AJ that the lights don't work and the lights are a grown-up job but the ornaments are a kid job, and we really just can't do ornaments until tomorrow night. (And I am so glad we hadn't told him about the hot chocolate.)

He complies reluctantly and once he's in bed, I'll SIGH and say, "WHY is putting up the lights always so difficult?" And DH tells me the story (a Christmas story!) of when he lived with his 2 married friends, Andy and Pam, and how every year Andy "did the lights all wrong" according to Pam, who would get so mad she'd leave the house, so he thinks Christmas lights aren't really a good activity for a marriage. -- I SWEAR, he tells me this story every year because I ask him. Every year! -- So then I go to Walgreen's or Target (daily mention) to pick up a few more strings of lights, and we start at the bottom this time with the lights plugged IN, Duh, and do the squint tests and finish in about a half-hour. We're usually still on speaking terms after this.

Can't you just hear Tevye singing?

Things I am thankful for, re: our trip

• Because my brother in law was away, we got to sleep in his very comfortable king-sized bed (we usually have an older, floppy full-size).
• Emeril's Butternut Squash, Sausage and Wild Rice soup added a special touch to our turkey dinner (at least to me it did).
• We had a nice lunch with some family friends on Saturday, and got AJ and DH fitted for their wedding tuxes -- the mall was deserted by Saturday!
• My MIL really restrained herself, I think, with the Christmas gifts for AJ. We didn't have to rent a U-Haul to get them all home (an improvement over last year)! Also, am thankful that she's so generous and wants him to have one of everything. :) Also, am thankful that she didn't load ME down with Christmas tchotchkes ("Here, take this, it's so cute").
  
• While excessive, the 4 Xmas gifts he DID get to open from family friends were very cool and he's played with all of them a lot already.
• The bathroom remodel at MIL's house -- new counter and cabinets! Pretty!
• Staying up late Friday night to watch The Departed. I don't know why but that made me happy.
• Of course, turkey-dressing-cranberry-sauce sandwiches.
• AJ said he had so much fun, and was sad to leave Gammy's house, and that is how it should be for a kid. :)
  
• Traffic was not that bad coming or going.

How was yours? Did you survive your annual family drama? (I made my own, in my head, but I *think* I managed to keep my opinions to myself and my general demeanor pleasant. I hope so; I can be a brat and know I need to work on the demeanor thing. I likely won't talk about it here, btw. If you can't say something nice, and all.)

Welcome to the Christmas season! (My to-do list is a mile long!)

There is no one in my office but me

When I used to ride to work with DH, we came to the office really early, and sometimes arrived before anyone else. I always liked that "silent time" and was always slightly disappointed when the next worker-bee would trudge up the stairs. Today is the pseudo-holiday, so lots of folks are out and it's been a loooong time since I've been alone in the cube farm. (Or alone, period, really, save my commute-time.)

Alone is GOOD.

I used to relish time alone when I was a kid -- I remember going into my closet, flipping the light on and shutting the door, just playing by myself or reading, listening to a record, or rearranging my stuff on the shelves. It was like a whole secret room and no one else was allowed. (The cool thing about that closet? It was wallpapered and carpeted. Go my parents! Nice feature!)

This morning while driving I listened to "The Rosary is a Place," the CD I won from Et tu's Jen a few weeks ago. I was convinced that I would think it hokey, despite my great love of Christian music and such, especially the heartstrings-tugging kind that makes me cry sometimes. But the rosary, recorded? Hmm. I knew my soul probably needed that CD, and that's what I'd told Jen, but... I don't know. As Maggie says, I'd probably rather be watching TV.

However, the CD is... nice. It has a gentle-looking Franciscan priest on the cover, and I like the Franciscans. They staffed our parish when I was a kid so they feel like "home." And I like saying the Rosary once in a while during the ol' morning rush-hour. I don't know if that makes me odd, or a religious nut, but it's sure a heck-of-a-lot more calming than watching the cars around me, or listening to NPR talk about Pakistan AGAIN. (I love NPR, too, but I swear, sometimes they get a story and won't.let.it.go. coughHurricaneKatrinaVictims'Plightcoughcough! I don't want to hear any more about Per-Vez Musharraf or however you spell it.)

Anyway. So far today, that's been my theme. Quiet. Meditation. Nice music and prayer. And I think that's a fitting way to go into the Thanksgiving holiday, especially one that is so often about loud dinner guests who've had too many bourbon-and-Cokes, or the familiar discomfort of having a snarky great-aunt, or just COPING with those we love the best. Heh. Perhaps the least-treasured American Thanksgiving tradition, but tradition all the same. I'll be with my in-laws... and the three bounding dogs and the TV-always-on and the talky talky. It's just us, a small group of five, and I really love my in-laws: It's just not quiet there. (Is Thanksgiving quiet anywhere? I rather doubt it.)

Here's hoping you find your own hushed moment somewhere to give thanks, a full plate of side dishes (which we all know are better than the turkey anyhow), and laughter all the way around the table. Happy Holiday.

Experiment

In an attempt to survive Drought Watch 2007, I have initiated a little test at my household. (Not survive the drought, mind you -- just the drought watch. The guilt of the media blitz. No one's going to survive the drought. See below.)

Hypothesis: A little family of three can go three whole days (until we leave for the water-rich lands of south Georgia) without running the dishwasher at all.

Materials: Paper plates, knives/forks/spoons, etc.

Process: (Don't turn on the dishwasher, Einstein.)

Results: TIME WILL TELL.

Honestly, the whole thing has me so perturbed right now. I'm TIRED of not flushing the goll-darn toilet. AJ told me yesterday, "Mama, your pee-pee doesn't smell very good." THANKS, KID, NEITHER DOES YOURS. I'm TIRED of feeling like I can't shave in the shower (even though it's pretty darn hard at 6 months preggers and I'd be lying if I said I'd do it every day under normal circumstances -- hello, it's PANTS season.) I'm TIRED of driving a dirty car. Of having theh saaaame chalk drawings on the sidewalk that last 4 weeks because there's been NO RAIN (I like variety). Of squirting the tiniest bit of water into a spaghetti sauce pot, then wiping that DIRTY WATER around in an attempt to clean the pot -- all because I feel guilty about doing dishes PROPERLY.

I shouldn't joke but it's feeling like we're headed for third-world country status over here. Meanwhile, the Army Corps of Engineers is required to let, what is it, 28 million gallons? of water flow downstream every DAY to save the stinking mussels in Florida. (Sorry, Florida.) Now I love a good bowl of mussels in cream sauce, don't get me wrong! And I know, endangered species, circle of life, the more that die out, the farther up the chain the endangering will go. But seriously? It's about to already REACH the top of the food chain -- us little ol' humans. We are 20 feet away from crisis, here. I.E., they say no drinking water in 79 days. DISASTER! Y2K all over again! ALARM! ALARM! ALARM!

I'll admit the news is making it worse with their doomsday nonsense, but somehow the urgency does not seem to compute in the brains of the bureaucrats. Anyway, I'm sick of the whole thing. What I love best is that 79 days is approximately 2.5 months... and approximately the time I'll need to deliver a new human, water-consuming child into the world! Awesome! (Note to the governor: If I breastfeed, I will need to reserve at least 64 oz. a day for myself. Thank you.)

I'm torn between wanting to conserve, a la my experiment, and just wanting to live my life and use it all up -- the government morons are the ones who didn't plan this city right, why should *I* suffer for it??

SIGH. At least I have chocolate-chip-pumpkin muffins stored in the freezer. You know, for emergencies.

Taste of winter

Starbucks was packed this morning which tells me everyone wanted a hot drink to accompany them to work. (Mine, alas, was not the Toffee Nut latte I love, because they were out of toffee nut syrup. A combo of almond and hazelnut, however, almost matched. FYI.) I wanted to befriend, or maybe, lick!, everything in there, it was all so yummy -- I walked inside, versus the drive-thru route I usually take, hoping to actually FEEL the chill in the air -- the lime green and red combo they've chosen, the cool packages of "Christmas blend," the cute little coffee-cup-shaped ornaments (I want!)... it was all shiny and cozy and very inviting.

I wore my favorite red wool double-breasted coat, but it doesn't quite fit over my silhouette, so I think I'll have to purchase a maternity coat. I guess it'll be cold-ish until baby's born, and that's 3 full months away -- so, a necessity. I also wore a scarf that I won from this lovely lady way back in March, and I love it.

AJ wore his cousin's poufy ski-type coat, so generously given to us, and looked like a little Michelin man this morning, toddling off to school, hood and all.

It was in the 20s in our corner of the north Georgia suburbs.

Read-ums

I just LOVE being pregnant at the same time as 2 of my favorite bloggers, because sometimes they get it JUST RIGHT and I get to smile knowingly and say, "YEAH."

Please believe me and go read this, and this.

Fun, fun pregnant girl stuff.

ON the other hand of fun pregnant girl stuff: I am having some wicked carpal tunnel pain today, like a "click" in my wrist that won't click. Rrr. I never have carpal tunnel clickiness when I'm not pregnant. Also, I'd like some boiled shrimp and cocktail sauce, please. NOW. Just sayin'.

Eyes, flowers, socks, and more

I have a big fat list of things to do but I am SO procrastinating this morning. LagLiv tagged me and bless her heart! I seriously needed a bit of a distraction, so it's the 7 Things Meme, coming to you live from my cube in Atlanta. Surely I've done this one before, yes? Oh well, who cares.

Also: GoodLord, there are 31 entries in my "memes are awesome" category.

Here's the meme info:
- Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.
- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
- Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


1. We'll go with random and not weird, to start with -- I have hazel eyes. I am just about the only person I know with hazel eyes, although my dad used to have them, I think. His have seemed blue to me for ages now; for a time he wore blue contact lenses, and then he had lasik... anyway I can't quite remember the story on his eyes but MINE are unmistakably hazel and one of my favorite things about my own appearance - you know, when I am doing a self-love exercise. :) I secretly hope that baby girl might get hazel eyes, too. AJ's are his daddy's deep gorgeous brown.

2. I just had to get up and go to the ladies room to check my own eyes out, after writing all that. This could be heading toward vanity; now I feel like I ought to confess it. Although I did also have to pee.

3. My favorite flowers are stargazer lilies. I just learned that besides innocence and purity, they are said to represent wealth and prosperity. I therefore think I should display them much more often, to call down these things straight from the heavens or flower gods or whomever.

4. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I'm walking around the house in sock-feet and get them wet. *SHUDDER!!* I have to take off the offending sock IMMEDIATELY because it makes me so mad. LAST night, and this gives me the willies just telling you, I was making dinner and sloshed a bit of... raw chicken juice (ew) onto the floor... and then stepped in it!! Aaaaaaghghghghghghghhgg! So. Grozs. Let us never speak of it again.

5. I am turning into my mother in so many ways. I've found a little pad of what I would call "scratch paper," and the other day I counted four or five different little notes, written on these 4x5-inch papers, crowding my purse. Heh.

6. Want to know some of the random things I'll do at work today? Fill out an expense report, create a project site for my new client, write-up an online survey, (check my blogs), sign up for MyRackspace, and order a 2008 calendar.

7. I can't decide which kind of calendar to get! I've had a big "blotter" for the past few years, but I think I want to go back to the old-style appointment book.... LIKE MOM KEEPS! I think these are the BEST kind of calendars and used them throughout college. I keep my Google calendar on this view, too. Yes, I keep paper and Google calendars. AND a "picture" calendar hangs in the kitchen at home. What? Don't you keep several? I'm always tempted to take the free ones they give out at church, too.

So now to the tagging... Devan! Marie Green! Electric Boogaloo! Majilla! Swistle! MaryB! and.... dang, I just can't think of a 7th (so many of you, I tag all the time!) If you want it, have at it. :)

It's my kindness, preventing me from posting

I know you all have too many NaBloPoMo participants to keep up with, so I'm posting light to keep your blog-surfing time at the appropriate (HA) time limits. (I know I'm behind in reading all these prolific over-achievers.)

I don't know that I'll EVER do NaBloPoMo. I hate feeling like I *need* to post, when I don't feel like I have the juice. I also hate posting, "I'm busy," because WHO ISN'T. Site launches, work trips, house stuff, holidays... blah blah... Shut up, self. Some people have five kids, you think YOU'RE busy?

But dude. I'm pretty much over this last 2 weeks. And the next ones, too, if you want to know the truth. We got some stuff done over the weekend -- dropped stuff off at Goodwill, Most Excellent Husband vacuumed -- but there's still more to do.

Let's change the subject. My MIL has been asking what I want for Christmas, so I've been thinking about that. DH and I find it interesting that we always give MIL ideas -- we feel like it's a courtesy, not greedy, and she asks, after all -- yet she never reciprocates with ideas for her, so we always end up buying her no-thought-required gifts like Yankee Candles. LAME. Anyway, here's what I want:

Some big (well, medium sized) silver hoop earrings.
Some Large or XL comfy pajamas (for the hospital, mainly -I'm vain, I want cute pictures).
Baby registry stuff -- diaper bags and crib bumpers are SO for the mommy! Not the baby!
iTunes, Starbucks, Barnes & Noble, and Target gift cards. Fistfuls of them.

I think it gets harder and harder, as you age, to give these sorts of wish-lists. I mean, yeah, I could always use a nice lotion or necklace, but those don't seem like things you ask your relatives for, do they? They should know about those things -- they're the "default" items. Hostess gifts. And I am just not watching DVDs lately or listening to CDs. (Nor do I get that excited to open either one, anymore.) Maybe *I* am just lame!

Okay, your turn: what wishes will you tell Santa this year?

Tidbits

-- I bought one Disneyworld thing for myself: a tiny pair of 12-dollar, graphite/rhinestone Mickey earrings. The kind without a back, that just hang in your ears. Then Monday? At my Publix? One of them fell out onto the black and white speckled floor. Even the deli counter girl came out to help -- but we searched in vain. SOB!

-- AJ got a Buzz Lightyear "Blaster" toy, and didn't seem much interested in it at first. But since getting it home, we have had shooting contests in the hallway every spare second. He says, "Ready?.. ain?... GO!" I think he's a Space Ranger First Class by now.

-- My manager has started having our Tuesday meetings at a brand-new Target! With a Starbucks inside! This is called Heaven.

-- Toasted cinnamon raisin bread -- or bagels, in my case -- will always remind me of my Grandmother. She used butter, I use Philly, but the warm, sweet smell is just the same.

Scattered, smothered, and covered

Where to begin? I feel like I want to capture every second (well, almost every one) from our trip because parts of it were really, truly magical, just like all those Disney brochures promise. We made sure to tell ourselves it was all about AJ, and that we would just endure the stress of travel and the long lines for rides, because that is what you do. So, to begin:

When we waited in the Atlanta airport and AJ behaved well, never running far from us, not being loud, EATING a CHICKEN SANDWICH (not something I thought was on his "acceptable" menu), I was proud. He wouldn't play on Delta's little plastic play-yard (a husky-style slide and whatnot) because it was pink and purple and he deemed it "girly." His exact phrasing. I was amused.

When we got on the airplane and he was fascinated by all the playthings like a seatbelt -- "How does this work, Mommy?" -- and the button for the overhead reading light (onoffonoffonoffonoff), and the tray table, oh dear, the tray table... I was worried. Thank goodness the clip was a little too hard to turn and he couldn't manage it very well on his own.

When our plane finally found the runway and geared up to GO FAST, his eyes grew wide and he knew something was happening, and he kept saying, "Here we GO, Mama!" louder and louder over the sound of the engines. I was choked up. Take-offs usually make me emotional, the daughter of a pilot, as I imagine my Dad in his own little-boy enthusiasm -- did his work feel like that every time? Here we GO! The RUSH and the WONDER of flight? If so, I'm very proud of him for spending his life doing something that he loved, and happy for him that he had the chance. It also usually makes me think of his brother, who died last year doing the same little-boy-love activity in an antique plane. So I was kind-of a mess there. But AJ kept me laughing. He wanted to tell his Daddy, too, who is NOT as keen on the miracle of flight, and was trying to just close his eyes and endure this rather uncomfortable part of his trip. AJ kept interrupting with, "WE'RE FLYING, DADDY!!" and Daddy, bless him, was all, "I KNOW, SON." I was torn. ;)

When we got to Orlando AJ thought that we'd see Mickey Mouse right away, so it was hard for him to wait a whole shuttle-bus-ride and dinner and nighttime until Saturday morning. But when we finally entered the park (we opted to just do the Magic Kingdom in the one day we had), we saw was MICKEY himself, on a stage, doing what I assume is the opening number every morning, or every Saturday maybe, complete with chorus dancers and Captain Hook and sparkly costumes and a shower of glitter at the final Hurrah!.... I was overjoyed. AJ was in awe -- he was really seeing his favorite friend, live and in person! I will not admit to you exactly how many tears I shed as the characters all convinced us that Dreams Do Come True. Seeing my child so excited and knowing what a great vision Walt Disney had, wanting kids to just be happy and play, and experience the whole of childhood in such grand fashion, just got to me. Maybe I was also a little nostalgic. Let's just say I needed a Kleenex or five. What a way to start the day.

The weather proved perfect (high 70s but cooler in the morning and the shade), the crowds were manageable, and the rides were fun. We found Peter Pan's ride, the PhilHarmagic 3D show, the Buzz Lightyear Ranger Spin, the Jungle Safari, and of course, It's a Small World. Dad and DH and I rode Pirates of the Caribbean while AJ napped late in the afternoon, in his stroller. We shopped and snacked using our meal plan from the Disney resort deal. It was all awesome.

The main event was seeing Mickey in the "Judges' Tent," which turned out to be very special for all of us. That's the first photo from yesterday. We went back there not knowing what to expect; in fact, several of us grown-ups intended to scoot out and skip it, but I'm so glad we stayed in the short line. A cast member took us back to a door and opened it, and there, in a small interior room, was MICKEY HIMSELF. Ready to greet everyone but only taking a few in at a time. It seemed like a private audience with the Pope or something. There was a reverence and excitement in the air -- this was IT. Our turn with the very most important guy in this particular world. :) AJ was appropriately quiet, but hugged Mickey eagerly, and I was floored. Speechless.

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There's a bit more to tell -- of course we had a character breakfast the next morning and then a long day of waiting/traveling to get home, but every moment was worth it. The smiles that graced us were welcome and yes, maybe it's a materialistic place filled with chumps who'll pay out the nose, but there is Something there, too.

It's palpable, and I'm grateful. It sounds so hokey, really, but you just get swept up in all that magic. I never knew this about Disneyworld before having kids.

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(I'm "scattered and smothered" like Waffle House has browns because of work -- trying to focus back in. I'm trying REAL hard not to dread the Thursday-Friday trip this week, and to feel proud of my skills set, since the company trusts me to make presentations and meet with university deans and presidents and such. After Friday, I hope to feel relief and pride on a job well done. We'll see.)

Two pictures are worth...

I have so much to say about our trip, but no time to say it! This will have to do for now.

Can't blog - working! (And giving a rip!)

Y'all, there is so much going on this week already -- I've already whined about it here -- and then God drops a surprise cool freelance assignment on me, for which I am so darn excited, probably unnecessarily so, that I was awake half the night jotting down ideas in the dark on a little notepad I keep by my bed. I'm even slightly juiced about an office business trip since my friend gets to come with me and I'll stay in a hotel with a king-sized bed all to myself!

So I won't be blogging as much for a few days because we moved a dresser from AJ's new room into mine so I've got drawers to fill and decor to create, I'm planning my business trip, I'm contacting some interviewees, I've still got to attend to my little Mickey Mouse tonight and the neighborhood boglins -- oops, I mean, goblins, but what a cool typo -- and then pack for The Happiest Place On Earth.

I will catch you on the flip side!

I am grateful for:
-- Dinner at Taco Mac last night
-- Ideas flowing freely, for once
-- Yellow spray-painted socks that actually look like Mickey's shoes, and the fact that my husband did the painting
-- Working at home a half-day today
-- Reese's Peanut Butter Cups :)

Olfactory

I'm sitting here enjoying the smell of burning dust -- we turned our heat on tonight. I love this annual ritual. I think, in fact, it should be a family tradition: Turn on the heat that first cold night you just know you can can't sleep through anymore, and everyone sit on the bed, or around the table with hot chocolate, and BREATHE IT IN. That dust smell makes me smile every year. Somehow the dust here in Georgia smells exactly like the dust from Texas, where I was a child. How IS that? There are two different heating systems involved, and very different vegetation and bugs, and even different PEOPLE living here than there, creating all those dusty particles of dog and skin and leaves and taco night and sweat and laundry detergent, and whatever other floaty goodness we've entertained ourselves with all summer. How is it they smell the same??

Who needs pumpkin patch photos

(Actually, I'm ashamed that we didn't take our camera to last week's pumpkin-carving party, and I totally bought this year's pumpkins at Publix. Lame.) But onward!

He'll gladly gather up all the dog toys out of friendship, but not return his own to the neatly specified toy baskets. What's with that?

Do you know my hubby does dishes for me nearly every night? Even on Book Club night, when I was being loud and giggly with the girls, he was in the kitchen scrubbing away. It really struck me as so kind, especially because all my friends witnessed it.

"I call this game fun in a box," said the Cat.

We're off to Helen, GA tomorrow morning, and lots to do to prepare for that and the subsequent events next week. I signed up for cupcakes on Halloween Wednesday at daycare.... WHY? Because I love an extra scoop of stress. Thank goodness for Publix bakery. Have a great weekend!

Six Items of Pregnancy Business

-- My hair is a cross between this chick, and Mrs. Brady. I don't know why I always let it grow out so much in between haircuts. I'm normally a person with thick hair that grows fast -- put me on extra hormones and my head feels like an 8-pound package of alfalfa sprouts or something. I've been avoiding my eyebrows and was mortified when the Book club started sharing funny stories about waxing last night. (Do I need to? OMG, are they hinting?) I must remedy these things Today.

-- This morning I wanted to eat eggs, and I swear I couldn't shake enough black pepper on them to satisfy me. Every bite, I peppered a little more.

-- I get the weirdest sharp-pain ligament-stretching sensations. Not all the time, just once in a blue moon one will catch me off-guard and make me say, out loud, "Oh!" Embarrassing when it happens within the cube farm.

-- Had my first middle-of-the-night, I might as well get up and go downstairs moment of insomnia. I ate 3 big pieces of French bread (starved), got under the blanket on the couch, and watched M*A*S*H for about 45 minutes.

-- Also have had my first supposed "man" dreams, which I never had with AJ. You know, where you dream about some hot man other than your husband? Lots of people I know talk about this but again, I never had one when pregnant with AJ. I would like to request a do-over, though: One dream was about a NON-hot guy I knew in college, the other was about Scott Baio. Seriously. He worked in this yellow deli next door to an apartment building where I apparently lived. I got all flirty. Scott Baio??

-- Last night before bed, this little girl went on a kicking spree. It was the Olympics of kicking. She must have been on her back, propping her neck up, wearing a sweatband and doing bicycles. I am constantly lifting up my shirt so I can WATCH the movements from the outside. (When we're alone, I mean, not in public!)

A rapper I can get behind

First it was Shreveport, then my own Atlanta tried to pass fashion police laws about this annoying little trend in young males. (And females, heck... remind me to tell you about the teenage g-string we saw last weekend at the local ice cream shop! Or don't, eww.)

Today -- and I heard this on NPR -- it's south Dallas, where the deputy mayor wants to do something about the kids' britches. But he's going about it the right way: He has help from someone they may listen to.


I truly don't listen to hip-hop, but I think the song is brilliant. It makes me laugh -- sounds like he's talking to a bunch of 4-year-olds. It doesn't seem quite right to pass a LAW about how people dress (there are already indecent exposure laws, why waste time and taxpayer money? Besides that, I think there may be more important crimes to be prosecuted. Maybe.) But taking it to the streets? Excellent idea.

Seriously, the words of the song. SO Funny. You can listen to the whole thing by clicking in the sidebar here.

*loud applause*

Supposedly No One Cares, but...

I had the BEST, YUMMIEST lunch today and it is still making me happy an hour later. I ate, at Jason's Deli, a big bowl of the Chicken & Sausage Gumbo, and served myself from their "famous" salad bar. Field greens, yellow bell peppers, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, green olives, cheddar, and croutons, with a drizzle of balsamic vinagrette and another drizzle (superfluous!) of Bleu Cheese. And two pickled okra spears on the side! And a respectable little serving of potato salad!

I licked the platters clean. I don't quite understand why this experience has me in such a good mood. We've taken to joking, "My baby is happy" when we've had a good meal lately -- AJ, of course, says this of the baby in HIS tummy, too. Well, y'all, MY BABY IS HAPPY.

I can't: think of anything to say

i am: glad to have a day to work from home because we bathed Polie over the weekend and there is Dog. Hair. Everywhere.
i think: it is supposed to rain 3 days in a row this week (hooray!)
i know: we need it.
i have: a lot of things on the to-do list, including Book Club on Wednesday at my house. See "i am," above.
i hate: having feelings of dread about my office job, but sometimes I do.
i don’t: believe young mothers should have to travel for work, no matter how much a part of their job description it is, when there are perfectly capable SINGLE PEOPLE who can travel.
i can’t: think of anything to write for an "edgy" guest blog post at WorkIt, Mom.
i can: say I've successfully checked three things off my list already.
i will: RSVP (regrets) for a bridal shower and a Halloween party today.
i won’t: feel bad about regretting; I've got enough going on.
i forget: dumb things, like when I went to Publix yesterday and didn't get anything I'll need for the Book Club menu (2 different soups, fresh hearty bread, and a dessert).
i miss: having lots of free time to spend hanging out with my husband...
i fear: that it will only get worse come February.
i feel: mostly better -- my hacking cough is down to almost nothing.
i hear: good things about the Bumbo; do I need one?
i smell: Fresh Linen by Carpet Fresh. I sprinkled it on so now I HAVE to vacuum, once my neighbor, Mrs. Bumstead, returns our vacuum.
i crave: the chocolate Frosted Pop Tart in my pantry, just 3 feet away.
i wonder: How long I will resist?
i regret: that I let other peoples' bad moods define my own sometimes.
i love: my little family and our plain-jane weekends
i dream: of Jeanie.
i long: for a stretch of about 3 weeks off, just to get STUFF done. Also for a pedicure.
i care: entirely too much about how my house appears (outdated, not decorated) to some of my Book Club buddies
i always: try to shut this care up and just be a gracious hostess.
i am not: proud of it.
i believe: in Hope.
i smile: when AJ does his dance moves.
i laugh: (ed) when he asked me this weekend, "But why can't I have ALL the Skittles, Mama?"
i collect: dog hair, apparently, and I display it around my home.
i play: Triple-Berry Pies with my son, using a frisbee for a pie-plate and the top of an empty propane tank for an "oven." It's kind-of like mud-pies. Maybe you have to be there.
i write: poorly with a pen and have always disliked my handwriting.
i await: 2008
i cook: well enough that my husband, I think, is grateful, but I also cook: a lot of the same things.
i trust: that things will work out for the best in most situations.
i intend: to try, this week, to smile and be productive.
i search: for meaning in all the most ridiculous small places.
i look: like I could use a serious haircut. (Even AJ is telling me so, since he got HIS haircut last week.)
i shout: obscenities when I stub my toe.
i whisper: "I love you just the way you are," while AJ is sleeping.
i conquer: week after week, I guess.
i listen: to my mother.
i ignore: most of my desires for frivolous spending. Like, right now I really want new bathmats for every bathroom in my house. But do I buy them? Nooooo. Don't "need" 'em. This irritates me to no end.
i live: a very comfortable life, full of riches and happiness.

Booooo for The Holidays starting in October

(geddit? Booo?)

I am weary already of this long anticipation. No, not Christmas, although I'm shocked that Target already has an aisle with stockings and wrapping paper designated. (Daily Target mention!) I just mean Halloweeeeen, dudes. I don't remember there being a two-month period of "Is it Halloween yet?" when we were growing up. Maybe we thought about our costumes for a couple of weeks beforehand, but man! I have been having to put AJ off every day, telling him we're not going trick-or-treating TODAY, but "in a few weeks." There are Halloween episodes of Dora and Yo Gabba Gabba to get his little juices juiced, there are of course the displays at the stores... it's just crazy.

(Have you SEEN Yo Gabba Gabba?? Now there is a mind-bender. We have some serious SONGS stuck in our heads from that wacky show, let me tell you. There's one called "Don't! Bite! Your Friends!" Haahahahahahaha. I just love the host -- DJ LanceRock. He. Is. Awesome. and Orange.)

We have a busy half-month ahead. This weekend, you'll never guess: A pumpkin-carving party. Next weekend we're going with some friends up to Helen, GA (yay! road trip to the mountains! Something I LUST AFTER every fall) for hayrides, Oktoberfest, etc., and then the following week is H-ween and 2 days later, our quick-as-a-wink trip to Disneyworld. It's dizzying. Exciting, but dizzying.

Hubby said this weekend he'd help me work on AJ's big-boy room, which I am desperate to get going. It feels like it may never get done... because Thanksgiving looms. I don't know whether we'll be traveling for Thanksgiving this year, although we've been asked to go to Savannah. Sigh. I swear to goodness, next year, with TWO KIDS, there will be NO holiday traveling. NONE. I said that before AJ was born, too, hmph. But this time, seriously, Not.Gon.DoIt.

Abrupt subject change: Let's talk baby names! You (some of you -- maybe one of you) asked for updates, when we had some. And since I'm a giver, here you are: We are less inclined toward Jenna and Julianna this month, and more inclined toward something that I feel is getting dangerously close to being THE NAME. Eee! With a middle name and everything. We're even referring to her has Baby ____ when we point to my ever-expanding tum... and that said, I kinda... don't want to share it. I know, what a tease. How about this? I'll tell you some of the middle names I really like right now: Michele, Elise, and Elliot. <-- I know, Elliot! It's weird, it's crazy, it's trendy... my mother is turning it over on her tongue right now with her eyebrows significantly raised... but it's made its way into my mind somehow. And it would GO with the first name quite well, I think.

So you're just going to have to imagine all that for yourselves. Happy Friday! Happy Halloweeeeeeeen! (just 2 more weeks away!)

A small dilemma

I missed Blog Action Day on Monday. It's unfortunate because we're right smack in the middle of a terrible drought in Georgia, and for once, I am actually THINKING A LOT about the environment. Specifically, about water usage and conservation. Disclaimers: I haven't seen Al Gore's big movie and frankly I'm scared of it; I don't recycle because my garbage service swears to me that they separate everything at the dump; and I don't compost because it's icky and smelly.

HOWEVER! This water thing has me trying to make changes: planning a trip to Lowe's today to buy a lo-flow shower head, and washing my face in cold instead of waiting 15 seconds for the water to warm up. (The horrors.) I've also become a little less vigilant about flushing the toilet -- "If it's yellow, let it mellow..." -- especially when I'm the only one home on Mondays/Thursdays. It's a bit unpleasant, but hey, saving 10-20 gallons of water is worth it right now. They're saying we have 115 days left of water in North Georgia. I don't like the sound of that. Having plenty of drinking water later WILL BE pleasant, thank you. It greatly outweighs the inconvenience of a dirty potty now.

My dilemma is thus: AJ is a forgetful little soul, and oftentimes wants to leave the bathroom toute de suite after finishing his business, without flushing. Gotta get back to his shows educational toys, y'know. I don't want him to think that's okay! I want to march him right back in and say, "Flush it, mister." But in these desperate times.... I'm letting it mellow.

What to do? I shrug and try to explain to a 3-year-old that we need to save water. Ha. I hope he'll realize one day, when toilets are required to be lo-flow, that flushing is important. Don't want him to be one of THOSE kids, after all. Eew.

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Seriously, though, even if you don't live in Georgia, conserve water. Your state may be asked to ship it down here when we're all parched and cracking come January! Here are some great tips. Surprisingly, most of these are things that Hubby and I thought of before having to read them -- we're just lazy Americans with too many blessings that we take for granted.

Ugh, Monday

I was out for the count this weekend. You know, Friday, how I felt all tired and helpless at the office? Well, Friday night I got home and performed the heroic feat of ordering a pizza for our dinner, then promptly put on my comfy pants after AJ went to bed, and curled up under the blanket as if it were 32 degrees in the house. (It wasn't.) My chest was heavy with that deep, rumbling cough, and although a bit of Tylenol helped me sleep, I woke up next morning feeling Crud-dy.

THANKS BE to my husband, who took AJ out for a doughnuts excursion so I could go back to bed 'til about 9:30. (AJ had asked me to take him outside at 7:30am, and as I sat on the floor velcro-ing shoes, I just nearly broke down with the thought of accommodating his innocent request. Hubby thought maybe it was time to relieve me. Heh. Yes.)

It's pretty hard to explain to a three-year-old that Mama doesn't feel well, by the way. They don't quite get it that MOVEMENT is uncomfortable.

Today I feel like I'm on the mend, but the coughing still lingers and sometimes makes my abdomen hurt, which is unpleasant. I'm sure Baby's fine and won't go to the doc unless this hangs on a few more days; I'm not miserable, and no other symptoms... just blah.

If you're looking for something nice and inspiring to read, look no further: Et-tu's Group Writing Project had loads of entries of things we think our parents did right. (And looky, I won the random prize drawing! Lucky me!) The exercise made me start my own list of Things I Really Want to be Part of Our Parenting Experience. Maybe I will work on it and post it later.

If you're looking for something absolutely TRAGIC to read, go here. This poor woman and her husband are dealing with something CRAZY involving their 12-week-old baby boy. Start at the end of September's archives to catch up. Wow. Pray for them.

....Zzzzzzzz...... *head hits desk*

I woke up every 2 hours last night with a cough and a serious headache.

(Oh, and the ever-present need to potty, don't forget that.)

PITY ME!

I am SO falling asleep at my desk right now.

*whimper*

Three things my parents did right

It sure is good that other people have blog ideas; namely, Jen at Et, tu.. There's a group writing project and if I hurry, I might make today's deadline.

1. They did (and still do) "family" right. Our nuclear family is one of four: Mom, Dad, me, and my sister. But we never lacked for cousins, aunts, uncles, or grandparents around. We lived in the same town as my father's side of the family when I was a child, and of course no holiday was complete without at least one gathering. But more than that: we'd see each other at Sunday Mass, or at the country club afterwards. Or get together for dinner. Maybe part of it was living in a small town. My mother's parents lived 7 hours away by car, but that didn't stop us from having plenty of occasions to visit them. We made wonderful memories there, too. I even know many of my second and third cousins, and am fully aware of what "once-removed" means. My mom is the official genealogist of our extended family. She has binders and software and family trees that are inches thick, dating back to Adam, I think (at least that's the goal!). I think that her love of that hobby, her emphasis on knowing your roots, makes a big difference here. Not to discount my dad, though -- he and his brothers have one of the strongest family bonds, despite their very different personalities, that I've ever known. Family is, and will always be, of utmost importance to me.

2. They taught us with every moment. My sister and I were both readers from a very young age, and still are, thanks to my parents' reading to us. We even read aloud when we were old enough to read by ourselves -- James and the Giant Peach is one book that we enjoyed aloud as a family, every night after dinner for a week or so. We attended our parochial schools -- good schools -- but we were also taught at home. I remember once my Mom ordered a set of art history lessons when we were about 8 and 10. She hung up different prints around the house -- by the greats like Monet, Modigliani, Degas, Cassatt, and Van Gogh -- and we learned them and their styles. It was just something fun to do. There wasn't any pressure (and let me say we certainly had our share of playtime and TV-time, too; we weren't "schooling" the live-long day). Dad taught us about how things work, about finances when we got old enough, about "career" by taking us with him to the office or the farm, and about following your dreams. He was a rancher, then a business owner, then a commercial pilot, and we've always been inspired by his willingness to learn something new.

3. Discipline was never hard. Currently this accomplishment of my parents' baffles me, since I am in the throes of learning to discipline a young person and it's HARD. I don't have a clue how my parents solved the magic equation, but basically, all they had to do was look at us wrong, and we KNEW when we were in danger of getting in trouble. In fact, I don't remember very many punishments in my life. A few, "Go to your rooms," yes, and I know of one time in particular when I stayed out too late as a teenager and Dad waited up to let me know how he felt about it... but even then, harsh words weren't part of our family's practice. He looked disapprovingly at me, said something about following the rules, and that was that. (And I was properly MORTIFIED.) They must have just served their early discipline with the exact amount of love needed to make it stick. I respected them (and still do) without reservation. Edited to add: OK, I'm sure it wasn't always easy, but they made it LOOK easy, that's what I'm trying to say. They trusted that we would act right, and for the most part, we did, because we didn't want to disappoint them.

Gosh, I could name so many other things my parents did well! We traveled, we had meals together, they have such strong faith, their work ethic... I am a very lucky girl, indeed.

Little joys, little tests

The great thing about avoiding online shopping is that when you finally do order something, you're GIDDY with anticipation of its arrival. I got a tracking number in my email this morning and it has put me in a really good mood. :)

I needed a lift, after listening to my iPod on the way to work. It shuffled over to the Indigo Girls, and I was reminded that I think the song "Power of Two" is one of the loveliest love songs ever written. It made my cry thinking about my sweet husband, (pardon my sappiness) especially the refrain that says, "So we're okay... we're fine..." I think marriages, even really good ones, need that little reminder every day. We're okay. :)

And once again: Horomones! All the crying, geez!

Speaking of... We've had 2 evenings now of screaming, kicking tantrums right at 7:00pm, leading to AJ's least favorite phrase: "Straight To Bed. No Stories." Last night the issue was a very simple request that the little monkey wash his hands after a dessert popsicle. (And the subsequent hitting of his mama that occurred when he got mad at me for insisting on the hand-washing.) WTF, dude?? It's water and soap, big whoop-dee-doo. Don't hit me.

The night before, hmm. I can't quite remember the issue. Oh, and what do you do when you say, "AJ, you can scream but you have to do it in your own room." And shut his door.... but he opens it right back up and comes out??

Installing a lock seems the logical choice, but "locking your child in his room" surely goes against modern parenting wisdom, yes?

I have found that letting him BE MAD and rage for about 5 minutes, and then offering to sit in the rocking chair with him calms his ass down to snuffling, hiccuping levels. But the door thing... I'm sort-of at a loss.

A kid-free, football-free Day in the life

Alternate title: Shopping

Over the weekend, I was given a glorious gift from my husband: On Sunday, he took AJ and drove across town to his fraternity brother's house to watch a football game. With driving time and extra for socializing, that was nearly 6 hours all to MYSELF. And I got teary-eyed (horomones) when I was thanking him, because, my goodness, all the things I hoped accomplish in 6 hours! Without spending five minutes at every stop buckling or unbuckling the car seat! I was pretty humbled by the idea of it and so, so grateful. I even promised him I'd "work," when I totally could have gotten away with bon-bons and a book. He's nice like that.

I got a lot done. Started at Babies R Us and wandered the aisles, looking for 1) a black turtleneck for our Mickey costume (CHECK), a plain white maternity tee (CHECK), pretty diaper bags, and ideas for crib sheets and bumpers and valances. Although I recommended GETTING the comforter to a first-time mom recently (because they're only young once, and yeah, they don't use it but YOU might, while you're nursing in the rocking chair in the middle of the night), I'm wanting to resist the $199+ 4-piece baby bedding sets. I just don't feel like I want to spend that much, and I certainly don't want someone else spending that on me. I'd like to find something in lavender and sage green, maybe toile and/or gingham sheets. A dust ruffle, a bumper, I don't ask much.*

After that I hit JoAnn Fabrics and found big, white Mickey-pants buttons, and some elastic for securing his ears. Score! Under $6.00.

Then to Ulta where I made up the difference in makeup brushes. Holy Lord, my face better look GOOD. $28.00 to put on some powder. Wow.

After all this girly time I was starting to feel tired, but still right on the schedule I'd made for myself. I headed to Publix on the way home, and spent less than usual on the week's groceries. Plus muffin-baking ingredients. Yum!

Put my feet up for 20 minutes and watched that stupid Ed Burns movie which I have never loved but somehow feel compelled to try again, every time it's on. Jennifer Aniston and Cameron Diaz, so it has to be good, right? Wrong.

My name is Lee, I pressed on (HAR): 2 loads laundry! A bit of Big-Boy-Room prep taking down artwork and ... sob... throwing away several old purses that have collected in the bowels of that closet. Loose photos neatly placed in a photo storage box. Crappy old frames tossed. It was a day for productivity, my friends.

....And then it hit me. MY FEET ACHED. MY BACK ACHED. I was jittery. (Forgot to eat lunch.) Hello, duh, you are growing a human person, might wanna slow down with the heroic acts of STANDING UP so much. So I took a bath and slept like a rock.

Pretty amazing how you can wake up the next morning and all that hurt is all gone. (Thankfully!)

*Postlogue: Late last night I started shopping for baby bedding online and oh, my! You'd best just settle in with coffee, your reading glasses, and a MAP. Who knew the Baby Linens community was so massive? And I'm so timid about (opposed to, as a general rule) eBay. Aye-yi-yi.

Also shoppping for a sling/wrap. Fun! I think these are gorgeous. I want the red one, on sale, but it's not available in my size. Or, what I think is my size. There are so many variables that it's hard to do their handy equation.

Drawback, and other rambling (some Halloween!)

One tiny drawback to the whole, "one of each" thing -- my poor sister will have to say,

"My nephew and niece,"

which is so much more trouble than, "My nephews" or "My nieces." Oh well. Price she pays for getting to buy Strawberry Shortcake presents, I guess. You're welcome, Sis. :)

Hey, just peeking at that link makes me excited to go into my Dad's attic and see if MY old Strawberry Shortcake dolls are still there. These new ones look a little more... sleek than I remember. Yes? Where is Blueberry Muffin's cute little square-ish hat? Where is the fat baby Apple Dumplin'? She must have been downsized for lack of competitive muscle with the Bratz or something.

Also? My husband is severely rolling his eyes right now, thinking these dolls are going to be invading HIS HOUSE. Heh.

It felt so good to get really emotional yesterday about this baby. FINALLY! And by "really emotional" I mean, driving home with my little purchase, I kinda sobbed a little bit. With joy, you understand. :) And probably relief, because running around with a 3-year-old and trying to maintain the household hasn't allowed for that all-consuming "Oh my, I'm going to be a Mommy" vibe, or the accompanying connection that one feels to the little tadpole. I've wanted to connect, just... couldn't, really.

Maybe it could also be the recent kicking storm that has begun in my belly. :) Anyway, connection = good.

AJ took the news well. But when asked if he'd help hold his baby sister, he said, "No, I tired of holding that baby." Ha! The darndest things.

[Transition sentence here.] Mickey Mouse costume, anyone? Can't they do any better than this? I don't find it all that cute, but it's easier than me going in to Joann Fabrics with less than a single CLUE about what to do (or how to sew). AJ seems wholly uninterested in the easy costumes Target has to offer. Hmph, Halloween was easier when his opinion wasn't involved.

...I wonder how many of my blog posts mention the word Target in, say, a month?

I also heard that this year's pumpkin crop is lacking. My neighbor said that the 1st harvest (in stores now) was good. The 2nd harvest was flooded and the third suffered from drought, so if you want a "good" pumpkin, go NOW. Alarmist. But... still. They keep if you don't open 'em up 'til later, so I'm buying one tomorrow morning.

Getting to know her

Dear Baby Girl,

I hope you will like the little pink blankie I just bought you. I wanted you to have something special to cuddle. It has butterflies and a flower on it, and it's the same pink my "boppy" was. Oh, I called my blanket "Boppy" before there was a name brand to usurp my word, and there's your first indication that your Mom is brilliant: I coined a NAME BRAND. When I was a BABY. Anyway, I rushed right over to Target this morning after receiving more sweet photos of you and your undeniably girl-self. I couldn't wait to add something soft and flowery to the household, and to think of you while cruising the Carter's aisle. Just imagine how many years of shopping we can do together; I had to get started right away.

You are going to have plenty of hand-me-down clothes even though you have an older brother, because there is a thing called SECOND COUSINS, right here in Georgia. And God Bless the three of them, and their mother's truly excellent taste and tidy storage bins. But I wanted to be the first person to give you something of your very own to wear. That's why I also bought the lavender polka-dot onesie, size "NB," and I hope you'll get to wear it at least one time. :)

It seems like you really should be coming any time now, although I know you still have a lot of growing to do before you're ready to see us. So stay in there and stay cozy, we'll wait. Everyone is going to love you, and I really think you're going to change us all in good ways. For myself, I know I'll have to really lead by example as my Mom did, and teach you grace and inner beauty and goodness, if I can muster them up myself. I'm trying to teach those things to your big brother, of course, but it's different with girls, you know? I hope we'll be good friends long into my old age. It makes me teary just to think about that -- having someone to girl-talk with.

Your Daddy isn't going to know what hit him when you arrive, I think. I can't wait to see how he cradles and protects you, his precious little girl. I know that the confidence he's gained with three years of parenting under his belt will make him your strong rock, your Giving Tree. You're just going to love him, and I pray that he'll always be your number one. Here's a hint if you ever want something from him: One smile, one kiss, and I bet you'll send him straight over the moon.

AJ has been speculating that you're a girl; I'm excited to tell him tonight that he was right, and he's going to have a sister. He may jump up and dance at the good news; he's very happy about things like this lately. He is planning to teach you all kinds of things, like which Mother Goose poems are the best (The House that Jack Built, naturally) and how to make a Legos Zoo. And how to run really fast. You're so lucky that you'll have a big brother -- something every little girl without one dreams of, I think. He's great -- vibrant, smart, and even sensitive. I bet you'll be able to tell him anything. Be friends, okay? Even if he tells you to go away sometimes. Big kids just say that; they don't mean it.

I have a lot to do now to get ready for you. There are paint schemes to choose and new crib sheets to buy (I had a hard time resisting one of each pink item at Target), and I'm eager to get started now that we are starting to know you a little more.

I love you, can't wait to meet you.
Mommy

(...You guys? POLKA DOTS.)

Highs and Lows

Our weekend, it seemed, was mostly a shitstorm of toddler attitude, followed by yesterday and these precious moments:

> We told AJ about the school's outdoor movie night this Friday, where we'll bring a picnic dinner and watch Happy Feet on a big inflatable screen on the playground field. He literally jumped for joy, saying things like "I'm so es-cited! It will be sooo fun!" He also came up to me, put his hands on my cheeks, and looked me in the eye to say, "Oh, thank-you guys! It so NICE of you to come to my school for a movie night."

> All the Friday movie talk put him in the Best. Mood. Ever. for dinner, and he talked and ate and was generally a pleasant person at the table, something we haven't seen since, oh, I dunno, he was 6 months old strapped in a highchair? Maybe I exaggerate. Anyway, he got to talking about his next birthday, and his NEXT, and THEN HIS NEXT BIRTHDAY!!... and got all the way to when he'd be TEN! And REALLY REALLY TALL! AND HE WILL TOUCH THE SKY BECAUSE HE WILL BE SO TALL! AND TEN! It was blowing his little mind, how gigantic he will be! Touching! The! Sky!

> "Who brought this Cherry Pie to our house??" he asked, when given the option for dessert. Mama did! I got it at the store. "You DID??? Wow, I LUHHHV PIE!" He tasted it and the perfect sourness of those big fat cherries made his eyes twitch just a little, before he laughed, kind-of startled at how good it tasted. Yum, PIE! And then ten seconds and half a bite later, decided he "doedn't really like this." And hopped down from the table.

I swear, Mother Goose was right about the little girl with the curl, and should have included a verse about a boy, too!

But I definitely want to remember and revel in the extraordinarily good times.

Stimulant!

I noticed this morning while contemplating my 2nd glorious cup of decaf with warm milk... that it wasn't decaf. BUMMER -- I mistakenly bought Seattle's Best Regular yesterday, so excited I was that it was on sale for $5.99. Not that a cup or 2 of real caffeine is going to hurt anything but I have been trying to avoid it. What's interesting is the immediate effect of being "off" caffeine -- the reason I knew it wasn't decaf was my heart beating so loudly as I sat here. You'd think I just sprinted upstairs and carried the laundry basket down.

BUT I HAVEN'T. Heh. (Perhaps I should.)

More later.