Time for my annual "I'm holding on by a thread re: Summer Scheduling and planning" post. Mix in a dash of Too Many Work Tasks that I also can't seem to keep track of (why so many online programs that generate not only tasks, but also email reminders of the tasks, Work? GAH) and you've got one mama who drinks wine on Tuesday evenings. And maybe Wednesdays, too.
Bleh. For once, this year, I feel like the kids won't be "stuck" too many weeks at their daycare summercamp, and as far as I can tell, the weeks they will be going there, at least there are field trips and swimming planned. I appreciate the summer calendars they create in February. I hope they're accurate. (They're not.)
Anyway, here's the lineup:
May 25-29 Memorial Day Weekend. I suppose we'll go to Nanny's for MD Weekend as usual, though we haven't actually spoken with her or planned it yet. When we get back: KRK
Jun 1-5 Alex will be at Winshape. Kate, as of 5 minutes ago, is signed up for a 9-5 camp at her Gymnastics Academy.
Jun 8-12 Alex will still be at Winshape, and Kate wants to attend "American Girl camp" held at a Christian school near here. I'm not opposed to that, just need to figure out how to register for it (and ask them if it requires an actual AG doll or if a Target knock-off will suffice).
Jun 15-19 They are both signed up for an Art Camp at one of the county parks. Woo! I'm happy about that one. Something different, something together. They both love art. The theme is "The Case of the Stolen Statues" in the mornings, and they'll do clay handbuilding (not pottery wheels) in the afternoons.
Jun 22-26 Destin! Family vacation! Thank you, mom and dad!
Jun 29-Jul 3 Pensacola! Shawn and Lee get a week "off" from our parenting jobs. Thank you, mom and dad!
Jul 6-10 KRK I was considering another week at gymnastics, and letting Alex go there, too, but it would cost more than $500 and KRK is only around $375.
Jul 13-17 Alex goes to BSA camp in North Carolina. TOO FAR AWAY! Mama doesn't like. Kate I think will go to KRK that week.
Jul 20-24 Both to KRK
Jul 27-31 Both to the other grandma's in Savannah. In fact, since we couldn't send them there last year or the year before, I'm hoping she'll be up for keeping them through August 7. School starts after that, but KRK is closed, NATURALLY, the week of Aug 3-7. Argh.
I won't say I hate summer, but I do hate one thing: I hate being 40 years old but still having to delicately ration my/our vacation days. I wish American companies would be more generous with vacation time (and mine is, actually, pretty generous in comparison). Is that too much to ask?
Wednesday, March 25
Friday, March 13
3 Good Nights in the Bank!
Tuesday I put myself to bed at 9:45. Wednesday and Thursday nights, 10:00. I've been reading for about 15 minutes before I fall asleep, with Soundscapes playing on the the TV in the background.
Immediately Wednesday morning I felt better than I had both Monday and Tuesday. Psychological? Maybe. Still, I'll take it. The sleep and the good book! (Rysa Walker's Time's Edge.) It was enough to make me take a walk at lunch (that and the weather). I took walks Thursday and today, too. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when Kate suggested, after school, that she and I take a walk while Alex finished up his homework! My girl is picking up good habits! And I was feeling the afternoon slump so a walk was JUST the thing. Yay. It's another of those easy things: You can whine about it, wish it were different, or you could just DO IT.
All that to say: Stop complaining, self. Jeez. How often do I read things like
"We multiply what we magnify."
and
"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."
and blah blah blah? I mean, I could seriously read all day about happiness and mindfulness and living with intention and all of that, and not get bored. I love it! I agree with it! And yet.
ANYWAY.
Sleep is it.
Immediately Wednesday morning I felt better than I had both Monday and Tuesday. Psychological? Maybe. Still, I'll take it. The sleep and the good book! (Rysa Walker's Time's Edge.) It was enough to make me take a walk at lunch (that and the weather). I took walks Thursday and today, too. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when Kate suggested, after school, that she and I take a walk while Alex finished up his homework! My girl is picking up good habits! And I was feeling the afternoon slump so a walk was JUST the thing. Yay. It's another of those easy things: You can whine about it, wish it were different, or you could just DO IT.
All that to say: Stop complaining, self. Jeez. How often do I read things like
"We multiply what we magnify."
and
"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."
and blah blah blah? I mean, I could seriously read all day about happiness and mindfulness and living with intention and all of that, and not get bored. I love it! I agree with it! And yet.
ANYWAY.
Sleep is it.
Tuesday, March 10
Collection, part 2
Um.
This does not seem to be getting better. I know I said I'm too sleepy to appreciate work or love anyone, but here are a few notes:
4....there's not a lot of friendly chatter. Ever. I can even instigate with a, "How was your weekend? Did your garage door get fixed?" (a fact known only by the email stating she would arrive late due to a repair appointment). The answer comes swiftly, "I have to get it replaced... so, yeah, that's a bummer. The weather was nice, though. Kids and I were outside a lot."
The End. Start meeting.
No reciprocal niceties, is what I'm saying. Who does business like this? I get "efficiency" but... you can afford to have a quick chat and act interested in your teammates. Direct reports. Whatever.
5....Secretarial work. Many assignments of filling in Excel spreadsheets. I am NOWHERE job-described as the Marketing Admin. But I am surely being treated as such. I'm trying like hell to cooperate and be willing, and help her get the department where it needs to be in order to move forward with purpose (I'll give her that we're starting from a very rough and reactive "strategy"). However. Excel spreadsheets that must be filled in line by line, with info that one finds using Google, are jobs for an INTERN.
This does not seem to be getting better. I know I said I'm too sleepy to appreciate work or love anyone, but here are a few notes:
4....there's not a lot of friendly chatter. Ever. I can even instigate with a, "How was your weekend? Did your garage door get fixed?" (a fact known only by the email stating she would arrive late due to a repair appointment). The answer comes swiftly, "I have to get it replaced... so, yeah, that's a bummer. The weather was nice, though. Kids and I were outside a lot."
The End. Start meeting.
No reciprocal niceties, is what I'm saying. Who does business like this? I get "efficiency" but... you can afford to have a quick chat and act interested in your teammates. Direct reports. Whatever.
5....Secretarial work. Many assignments of filling in Excel spreadsheets. I am NOWHERE job-described as the Marketing Admin. But I am surely being treated as such. I'm trying like hell to cooperate and be willing, and help her get the department where it needs to be in order to move forward with purpose (I'll give her that we're starting from a very rough and reactive "strategy"). However. Excel spreadsheets that must be filled in line by line, with info that one finds using Google, are jobs for an INTERN.
Sleep, again
Besides my lack of a cardio habit, I think I'm not getting enough sleep every night. My typical weeknight's sleep is about 6 hours, which, according to all the Internet experts, isn't enough. I need at least one more hour. Shawn's laughing right now because he is sure I get plenty of sleep. On the couch, when I'm "supposed" to be watching our TV shows. But it doesn't count.
What I actually need is to give up sitting with Kate for 15 minutes -- 30-40 if I fall asleep -- while waiting for her to fall asleep. No duh, right? I'm embarrassed to say I really don't know how to make that transition. I tried enough times when she was 3, 4, 5... that I finally gave up trying. She's only little once, after all. My heart still tells me that's a truth, but my mind is wishing it could use the 9 o'clock hour instead of losing (most of) it. She needs to get to bed earlier, too, something that she is unlikely to accept.
I think it wouldn't be a big deal, except that it makes everything else a big deal. I know my lack of sleep affects my ability to perform well at work, for example. It makes me, for lack of a better word, grumpy when I'm here. I definitely have a hard time with focus. I flit from one thing to another aimlessly. And I have this low-level simmer of hating everything. Probably.... not healthy for body or spirit.
What I actually need is to give up sitting with Kate for 15 minutes -- 30-40 if I fall asleep -- while waiting for her to fall asleep. No duh, right? I'm embarrassed to say I really don't know how to make that transition. I tried enough times when she was 3, 4, 5... that I finally gave up trying. She's only little once, after all. My heart still tells me that's a truth, but my mind is wishing it could use the 9 o'clock hour instead of losing (most of) it. She needs to get to bed earlier, too, something that she is unlikely to accept.
I think it wouldn't be a big deal, except that it makes everything else a big deal. I know my lack of sleep affects my ability to perform well at work, for example. It makes me, for lack of a better word, grumpy when I'm here. I definitely have a hard time with focus. I flit from one thing to another aimlessly. And I have this low-level simmer of hating everything. Probably.... not healthy for body or spirit.
Friday, February 27
Friday thoughts
What a week we've had! We ended up with three snow days, after Kate's sick day. I told them this morning, "Have a good day at school... I hope you remember what to do!"
There was actual snow on Wednesday afternoon. It was gorgeous; came down in huge, fat flakes. Biggest I've ever seen. We let it fall for an hour or so before going out to play. An immediate snowball fight ensued. The kids' sheer delight about being out in the snow -- I mean, it's pure, pure happiness giggling up out of their souls -- makes the whole thing worth it.
I worked from home Tuesday afternoon, all day Wednesday, and Thursday morning; then our darling babysitter, a high school senior, came over around 11 yesterday so I could speed to the office for an afternoon. It felt like an eternity.
I both appreciate off-routine weeks, and get flustered by them. I forgot a critical event that's taking place this Saturday, when everything ELSE is also taking place -- so Mom and Dad, I hope you're up for a marathon day. Kate's choir sings this weekend at the 5:30pm Mass. (Backing up: Alex's piano recital, 4pm. Pinewood Derby, 7am - 3pm-ish.) Perhaps margaritas after, if we survive all that.
Now it's Friday, and I really should try to focus on writing one of the 3 articles assigned to me and due March 23 ("or earlier!" they say, hopefully. Stupidly...). I have become so last-minute with things. I get things done in time for deadlines. I think I should do them earlier than that. (Tax return, I'm looking at you.) So maybe on Monday, I'll get the photo album I absolutely need for Tuesday. Maybe the art I'd like to hang before Friday, and the rug. Or maybe I won't.
I got a half-day vacation for Gumbo Party day, so I'm doing a little of my vow to "take more time off." (It helps that I get another week this year, since I've passed the 5-year mark.) It works out because the kids have that half-day off, too (unless the school decides to use it for a make-up day), so they won't have to stay in after-care from noon until 5. Gosh, I hate when that has to happen. So far this year, I think it's only been once. Shawn used to have furlough days he had to take once a month, and we would schedule them on those days. They were a bummer (no pay), but also pretty handy.
Yoga in the morning, in my cubicle, before anyone else has arrived at work and when the lights are still off, helps me start the day nicely. Breathing. I'm feeling pressure that I need to be walking every day. I keep seeing ads from a local hospital about how every adult needs to walk 150 minutes a week -- 30 minutes a day, 5x a week -- and I have wanted to add that back to my life for a long time now. I've lost more than half the weight I wanted to lose with WW -- still working on that -- but I think adding the stupid cardio would help, and obviously it's better for LIFE. Argh. Yesterday I found the treadmill at the office and took a 10-minute walk. In my work clothes, and boots (they're flats). It's not ideal, but it's something.
There was actual snow on Wednesday afternoon. It was gorgeous; came down in huge, fat flakes. Biggest I've ever seen. We let it fall for an hour or so before going out to play. An immediate snowball fight ensued. The kids' sheer delight about being out in the snow -- I mean, it's pure, pure happiness giggling up out of their souls -- makes the whole thing worth it.
I worked from home Tuesday afternoon, all day Wednesday, and Thursday morning; then our darling babysitter, a high school senior, came over around 11 yesterday so I could speed to the office for an afternoon. It felt like an eternity.
I both appreciate off-routine weeks, and get flustered by them. I forgot a critical event that's taking place this Saturday, when everything ELSE is also taking place -- so Mom and Dad, I hope you're up for a marathon day. Kate's choir sings this weekend at the 5:30pm Mass. (Backing up: Alex's piano recital, 4pm. Pinewood Derby, 7am - 3pm-ish.) Perhaps margaritas after, if we survive all that.
Now it's Friday, and I really should try to focus on writing one of the 3 articles assigned to me and due March 23 ("or earlier!" they say, hopefully. Stupidly...). I have become so last-minute with things. I get things done in time for deadlines. I think I should do them earlier than that. (Tax return, I'm looking at you.) So maybe on Monday, I'll get the photo album I absolutely need for Tuesday. Maybe the art I'd like to hang before Friday, and the rug. Or maybe I won't.
I got a half-day vacation for Gumbo Party day, so I'm doing a little of my vow to "take more time off." (It helps that I get another week this year, since I've passed the 5-year mark.) It works out because the kids have that half-day off, too (unless the school decides to use it for a make-up day), so they won't have to stay in after-care from noon until 5. Gosh, I hate when that has to happen. So far this year, I think it's only been once. Shawn used to have furlough days he had to take once a month, and we would schedule them on those days. They were a bummer (no pay), but also pretty handy.
Yoga in the morning, in my cubicle, before anyone else has arrived at work and when the lights are still off, helps me start the day nicely. Breathing. I'm feeling pressure that I need to be walking every day. I keep seeing ads from a local hospital about how every adult needs to walk 150 minutes a week -- 30 minutes a day, 5x a week -- and I have wanted to add that back to my life for a long time now. I've lost more than half the weight I wanted to lose with WW -- still working on that -- but I think adding the stupid cardio would help, and obviously it's better for LIFE. Argh. Yesterday I found the treadmill at the office and took a 10-minute walk. In my work clothes, and boots (they're flats). It's not ideal, but it's something.
Monday, February 23
Oooh, plans!
Lots of stuff going on this week and next, so what better than to waste precious half-hours here telling a few people and my future self about it?! Hee.
1. The Pinewood Derby was supposed to have been this weekend -- our very last Cub Scouting event -- but it was postponed until next weekend because there was a very small threat of snow and ice. We no longer take those threats lightly in metro ATL! So, next weekend, fine, but now we have that, which usually lasts from 7:30 a.m. check-in until 3:00 p.m. clean-up, and then Alex's very first piano recital, at 4:00 p.m.! Whee! Should be a fun day. I hope the PWD finishes on time. I'm so, so excited about the recital. The kids have never even attended a music recital, much less participated. I'm nervous for him, and proud of him, already and all at once. He'll play two little pieces.
2. Kate had tummy trouble all weekend. She did nothing but lie on the couch Sat., and Sun., and chose to stay home from school today (totally legit, she did have a fever last night). It was Shawn's turn so she's been at his office, charming everyone and being good watching "Frienemies" on the iPad. She does feel better, I think, but is pretty weak from not having eaten anything much for 2 days. It isn't really worth mentioning except that they're calling for possible snow again overnight, so I'm worried she'll have ANOTHER day off school tomorrow. We'll see. The snow days are fine until they combine with sick-days. Then I start to get fretful for some reason. Like I can prevent snow-days! OR sickness. Dumb. Anyway, it's good that Shawn and I can share the sick-day responsibilities, and that I have a laptop.
3. The Gumbo party is happening! In my Mom's family we called it "Sacrificial Gumbo" because it was SOOOO TERRIBLE to have to have no meat. Ha ha. So anyway, I sent an Evite to 5 families yesterday. It took me a while to get up the courage to press "Send," however stupid that is -- and we already have three positive responses! Yay! I think we'll need to set up a card table in the den. It's a real party when you have to set up a card table, amiright?? But luckily, we bought a card table just a couple of weeks ago! (Still need chairs.) Don't worry, I'll put a tablecloth over it.
We want to do a little more decorating before people come over, and obviously a lot of straightening up (Kate's toys/pillows/shoes currently COVER the living room floor) but again, no stress about how the house looks or doesn't look. I'm trying to remember this, a brilliant article I may have already linked to that deserves a second read. There is no need to pressure ourselves to have Pinterest-worthy, Houzz-worthy homes before we host a get-together. Just bring people in. They're coming for the company, and maybe the food, and that's why we're having them -- not to show them our custom valences. (We will likely never have custom valances!) Yes, we'd like to have something on the wall behind our couch -- going to look this week -- and something that fits better, and is in a frame, above our bed, assuming anyone wants a "tour" of the still-new house. And the powder room downstairs could use a little something. Those should be easy enough to find, yes? We can do those.
So I'm planning shrimp gumbo, french bread, Kraft mac-and-cheese for the kids who don't want to even TRY gumbo (...Kate), maybe a veggie tray and a fruit tray, and wine and beer and lemonade. Done. Easy. We'll sit wherever. Some folding chairs in the kitchen to round out the seating options, and I think we'll be good.
I like being the hostess, I learned last weekend at Kate's birthday slumber party. Well, I mean, I've long known it. So now that we're in the house, we're mentally ready, and we actually have friends, I'm forging ahead. More parties! Huzzah!
1. The Pinewood Derby was supposed to have been this weekend -- our very last Cub Scouting event -- but it was postponed until next weekend because there was a very small threat of snow and ice. We no longer take those threats lightly in metro ATL! So, next weekend, fine, but now we have that, which usually lasts from 7:30 a.m. check-in until 3:00 p.m. clean-up, and then Alex's very first piano recital, at 4:00 p.m.! Whee! Should be a fun day. I hope the PWD finishes on time. I'm so, so excited about the recital. The kids have never even attended a music recital, much less participated. I'm nervous for him, and proud of him, already and all at once. He'll play two little pieces.
2. Kate had tummy trouble all weekend. She did nothing but lie on the couch Sat., and Sun., and chose to stay home from school today (totally legit, she did have a fever last night). It was Shawn's turn so she's been at his office, charming everyone and being good watching "Frienemies" on the iPad. She does feel better, I think, but is pretty weak from not having eaten anything much for 2 days. It isn't really worth mentioning except that they're calling for possible snow again overnight, so I'm worried she'll have ANOTHER day off school tomorrow. We'll see. The snow days are fine until they combine with sick-days. Then I start to get fretful for some reason. Like I can prevent snow-days! OR sickness. Dumb. Anyway, it's good that Shawn and I can share the sick-day responsibilities, and that I have a laptop.
3. The Gumbo party is happening! In my Mom's family we called it "Sacrificial Gumbo" because it was SOOOO TERRIBLE to have to have no meat. Ha ha. So anyway, I sent an Evite to 5 families yesterday. It took me a while to get up the courage to press "Send," however stupid that is -- and we already have three positive responses! Yay! I think we'll need to set up a card table in the den. It's a real party when you have to set up a card table, amiright?? But luckily, we bought a card table just a couple of weeks ago! (Still need chairs.) Don't worry, I'll put a tablecloth over it.
We want to do a little more decorating before people come over, and obviously a lot of straightening up (Kate's toys/pillows/shoes currently COVER the living room floor) but again, no stress about how the house looks or doesn't look. I'm trying to remember this, a brilliant article I may have already linked to that deserves a second read. There is no need to pressure ourselves to have Pinterest-worthy, Houzz-worthy homes before we host a get-together. Just bring people in. They're coming for the company, and maybe the food, and that's why we're having them -- not to show them our custom valences. (We will likely never have custom valances!) Yes, we'd like to have something on the wall behind our couch -- going to look this week -- and something that fits better, and is in a frame, above our bed, assuming anyone wants a "tour" of the still-new house. And the powder room downstairs could use a little something. Those should be easy enough to find, yes? We can do those.
So I'm planning shrimp gumbo, french bread, Kraft mac-and-cheese for the kids who don't want to even TRY gumbo (...Kate), maybe a veggie tray and a fruit tray, and wine and beer and lemonade. Done. Easy. We'll sit wherever. Some folding chairs in the kitchen to round out the seating options, and I think we'll be good.
I like being the hostess, I learned last weekend at Kate's birthday slumber party. Well, I mean, I've long known it. So now that we're in the house, we're mentally ready, and we actually have friends, I'm forging ahead. More parties! Huzzah!
Thursday, February 19
Collection
Hrm. Another dip in the line of "do I like my new manager or not?"
I need a place to collect grievances. (No, I don't like being this picky/grumpy, but already it feels like I might need the list to refer to in the future.)
I need a place to collect grievances. (No, I don't like being this picky/grumpy, but already it feels like I might need the list to refer to in the future.)
- Scratched on her phone all during my B2B presentation. On her first day.
- Has been given responsibility for print projects for the US. Immediately used me in a rather secretarial way, asking me to do something (get print estimates) that is absolutely NOT in my current job description.
- Sent me an early-morning request to write "Sales Scripts" for telephone and email --- something I've never, ever done -- and gave me ONE DAY, assuming I had nothing else on my schedule, I guess. When I told her I could spend an hour on it today, she replied, "This is priority."
Thursday, February 12
One to One (1:1) Meeting
New Manager and I had our first 1:1 meeting. (It bothers me very much that a couple of colleagues call these "One on One" meetings..... Uhh, no thank you. Ha!) It went extremely well, to my surprise. She was engaged and listened, took a lot of notes, agreed with me about my "pain points" (she had asked me for those), gave me some great suggestions/tasks, and I feel quite good, now, about having her on board. We talked about schedules and she seems to have not one problem with flex-time, exactly as I'd hoped and imagined she wouldn't (BECAUSE REAL PEOPLE in THE 21st CENTURY DON'T). So thank God.
In the past few weeks, I've been trying to be more analytical and strategic about my job. This maybe is interesting to no one, but our websites' traffic has been the lowest of all our subsidiaries (UK, France, Germany, Austria, etc.) for a couple of months. U.S. was highlighted RED in the spreadsheet! "Critical performer!" ACK. This would not stand, so I've been researching, and SEO-ing, and trying my darndest to pull the numbers up. (And my tactics seem to have worked for January! I feel so proud!) What I've learned is that I REALLY like that stuff. I get deeply involved with it, and time seems to fly. A revelation. I'm so anxious, now, to make analytics and strategy more a part of my daily round.
-----
Group "Meetings:"
Last weekend Shawn and I had two fun dinners with friends. (We have FRIENDS! Sorry, but it's still exciting.) Our favorite group of 5th-grade parents, 8 of us total, went to an expensive-ish restaurant on the night of the school's annual fundraising gala. We boycotted the gala! It was funny, we've declared it a tradition now. And we had SUCH fun. Laughed and laughed.
The next night we'd been invited to the Cubmaster and his wife's house, to plan the boys' last ceremony before they all cross over to Boy Scouts. (Time flies!) They're ...interesting people, maybe not our first choice, but SO nice nonetheless, and we drank white wine and the kids all played happily together, and it was a nice way to spend the spring-like afternoon.
And I'm putting this here so I don't forget: During Lent, we are going to host a Sacrificial Gumbo party on a Friday night. (Seafood gumbo, of course.) Kids and parents. Casual - I don't want to stress about it. In fact, I'm going to hop over to my G-cal right now and figure out what date I can plan this event.
In the past few weeks, I've been trying to be more analytical and strategic about my job. This maybe is interesting to no one, but our websites' traffic has been the lowest of all our subsidiaries (UK, France, Germany, Austria, etc.) for a couple of months. U.S. was highlighted RED in the spreadsheet! "Critical performer!" ACK. This would not stand, so I've been researching, and SEO-ing, and trying my darndest to pull the numbers up. (And my tactics seem to have worked for January! I feel so proud!) What I've learned is that I REALLY like that stuff. I get deeply involved with it, and time seems to fly. A revelation. I'm so anxious, now, to make analytics and strategy more a part of my daily round.
-----
Group "Meetings:"
Last weekend Shawn and I had two fun dinners with friends. (We have FRIENDS! Sorry, but it's still exciting.) Our favorite group of 5th-grade parents, 8 of us total, went to an expensive-ish restaurant on the night of the school's annual fundraising gala. We boycotted the gala! It was funny, we've declared it a tradition now. And we had SUCH fun. Laughed and laughed.
The next night we'd been invited to the Cubmaster and his wife's house, to plan the boys' last ceremony before they all cross over to Boy Scouts. (Time flies!) They're ...interesting people, maybe not our first choice, but SO nice nonetheless, and we drank white wine and the kids all played happily together, and it was a nice way to spend the spring-like afternoon.
And I'm putting this here so I don't forget: During Lent, we are going to host a Sacrificial Gumbo party on a Friday night. (Seafood gumbo, of course.) Kids and parents. Casual - I don't want to stress about it. In fact, I'm going to hop over to my G-cal right now and figure out what date I can plan this event.
Friday, February 6
Humbled updating
I have to update you lovely people about my friend/choir director who needs a kidney transplant. There is good news. But first, a little story I may never have shared.
When I first joined the choir, a woman named Ann was very kind to me. I knew exactly No One at the church or in our town, really, but she, a fellow soprano, charmed me right away with just the right kind of snarky looks and giggles that first rehearsal -- about the terrible pitch in the alto section, or the stupidity of the then-director's hymn choices. I was comfortable with her from the word go. She was pregnant at the time, Alex was around 8 months old, so we bonded. She invited me to her baby shower - again, I knew nobody but was grateful for a chance to meet some women. We joined another choir together which held rehearsals and concerts all over Atlanta, so we drove together many times. She shared some pretty deep secrets with me. As I got to know Ann, I came to understand she was very much like another of my best friends -- outwardly confident to a fault, almost, but pretty insecure on the inside. Like most of us. Anyway, time marched on.
Once, a couple of years ago, when her son (he was born, heh) had just joined the Cub Scouts, she thought it was funny to make jokes like, "Yeah, I let him join up, but told him not to let anyone FEEL him up!" or some such, referencing the BSA's historic trouble with pedophilia. Lovely. I let the first couple of times slide. But during a choir party (the drama I alluded to in that post), I asked her how was he liking scouts, and she cracked about it AGAIN, and I'd had enough. "You need to really shut up about that," I said, calmly, I thought. I went to the dessert table. My husband is one of the pack leaders, I know the other leaders and they're GOOD guys, and my Dad was/is an Eagle Scout - I don't want Scouting to be disparaged every time it comes up in conversation. She did need to cut it out - it wasn't going to help her son, either, to give him that kind of impression (I don't know if she was saying things like this within his earshot, but she... doesn't have much of a filter). She did not take kindly to this. Long story short, we had a VERRRRY drawn-out texting argument (juvenile) that night after the party. She accused me of being a jerk, I tried to defend my feelings.... it was ugly. I was hurt. She apparently was too.
We've since made up, mostly, and gone on with our lives, friendly enough, but I've not really let go of it completely. Mostly I haven't been able to forgive myself for holding a big grudge... but I've not really forgiven her either, totally. My opinion of her has certainly been diminished (not just because of that incident). I know she's good at heart, and has had significant sadness in her life, but. I don't like confrontation, and I still don't like that she accused ME of wrongdoing in that instance.
Well. Have you concluded yet, the end of this story? Ann is the kidney donor. Evidently she wrote John a letter and gave it to him Christmas morning (I was not there), and there was not a dry eye in the choir. The surgery is now scheduled for March 7. It was a holy moment when I found out. I mean, I was FLOORED, really. Not that she would offer, because it doesn't surprise me, but because I never did. Couldn't. And it made me feel like, "Whoa. She's actually a much better person than me." I KNOW what you're going to say.... I know. But.... still. So I'm forgiving her a little more each day at this point, and coming to appreciate her for this new reason (SO glad for John), and it's all very emotional and complicated.
----
I don't love the new work manager. She's okay. She's young, and that always seems weird, but I'd better get used to that since I'm only going to get older! She's not striking me as very "leader" like. We'll see -- it's only been a week, and she's been in training. (But for instance, yesterday I trained her and another woman about one of our websites, and she was on her phone the ENTIRE time. Truly. If I pointedly looked at her, she would look up and "Mm-hmm," but otherwise did not pay attention to my presentation. Grrr. Not impressed.)
When I first joined the choir, a woman named Ann was very kind to me. I knew exactly No One at the church or in our town, really, but she, a fellow soprano, charmed me right away with just the right kind of snarky looks and giggles that first rehearsal -- about the terrible pitch in the alto section, or the stupidity of the then-director's hymn choices. I was comfortable with her from the word go. She was pregnant at the time, Alex was around 8 months old, so we bonded. She invited me to her baby shower - again, I knew nobody but was grateful for a chance to meet some women. We joined another choir together which held rehearsals and concerts all over Atlanta, so we drove together many times. She shared some pretty deep secrets with me. As I got to know Ann, I came to understand she was very much like another of my best friends -- outwardly confident to a fault, almost, but pretty insecure on the inside. Like most of us. Anyway, time marched on.
Once, a couple of years ago, when her son (he was born, heh) had just joined the Cub Scouts, she thought it was funny to make jokes like, "Yeah, I let him join up, but told him not to let anyone FEEL him up!" or some such, referencing the BSA's historic trouble with pedophilia. Lovely. I let the first couple of times slide. But during a choir party (the drama I alluded to in that post), I asked her how was he liking scouts, and she cracked about it AGAIN, and I'd had enough. "You need to really shut up about that," I said, calmly, I thought. I went to the dessert table. My husband is one of the pack leaders, I know the other leaders and they're GOOD guys, and my Dad was/is an Eagle Scout - I don't want Scouting to be disparaged every time it comes up in conversation. She did need to cut it out - it wasn't going to help her son, either, to give him that kind of impression (I don't know if she was saying things like this within his earshot, but she... doesn't have much of a filter). She did not take kindly to this. Long story short, we had a VERRRRY drawn-out texting argument (juvenile) that night after the party. She accused me of being a jerk, I tried to defend my feelings.... it was ugly. I was hurt. She apparently was too.
We've since made up, mostly, and gone on with our lives, friendly enough, but I've not really let go of it completely. Mostly I haven't been able to forgive myself for holding a big grudge... but I've not really forgiven her either, totally. My opinion of her has certainly been diminished (not just because of that incident). I know she's good at heart, and has had significant sadness in her life, but. I don't like confrontation, and I still don't like that she accused ME of wrongdoing in that instance.
Well. Have you concluded yet, the end of this story? Ann is the kidney donor. Evidently she wrote John a letter and gave it to him Christmas morning (I was not there), and there was not a dry eye in the choir. The surgery is now scheduled for March 7. It was a holy moment when I found out. I mean, I was FLOORED, really. Not that she would offer, because it doesn't surprise me, but because I never did. Couldn't. And it made me feel like, "Whoa. She's actually a much better person than me." I KNOW what you're going to say.... I know. But.... still. So I'm forgiving her a little more each day at this point, and coming to appreciate her for this new reason (SO glad for John), and it's all very emotional and complicated.
----
I don't love the new work manager. She's okay. She's young, and that always seems weird, but I'd better get used to that since I'm only going to get older! She's not striking me as very "leader" like. We'll see -- it's only been a week, and she's been in training. (But for instance, yesterday I trained her and another woman about one of our websites, and she was on her phone the ENTIRE time. Truly. If I pointedly looked at her, she would look up and "Mm-hmm," but otherwise did not pay attention to my presentation. Grrr. Not impressed.)
Thursday, February 5
Kate's 7th
We've been planning Kate's ... pardon me, Katelyn's (she is going by Katelyn in first grade, her teacher tells me)... birthday slumber party for a while now. In the fall, she was invited to a 5th-grader's birthday slumber party, because the 5th-grader has a 1st-grader sister who is Kate's BFF. Kate thought that party was The Bee's Knees, and she has wanted to do All The Sleepovers since she was much too young for them (3), because her brother was already sleeping over at friends' houses.... so a slumber party it finally is. We invited 5 girls: Calli (aforementioned BFF), Micah, Ady Grace, Reagan, and Kate (the other Kate). I love their names, and the girls themselves. I put them here so that someday after they've all moved on, I can have a nice happy memory of each of their sweet little faces. One declined (out of town), and we've heard from all but one of the remaining four, so it promises to be a fun night.
I want to have some sort of craft for them to do, so I'm going to hit Hobby Lobby and Party City this weekend. I'd thought decorating some no-spill water bottles would be a good idea; then, they could take drinks upstairs to the guest room/playroom safely. I am hopeful that room is where they'll mostly stay. We've set up a TV in there, and the Wii and Xbox 360, which should cover Just Dance and Kinect Party, two games that Kate likes. There are board games in the cabinet. Kate's dolls are (ahem) still in boxes in the closet... and all over the house, besides, so they could have an epic game of "House" or "Friends" or "School" or whatever. We can do a Netflix movie from the Wii, and then pizza and cake, and I have to figure out what's for breakfast. I'm thinking about these French Toast muffins.
She wants a Barbie Dream House, and even though it's $165goodlord, I'm thinking of granting that wish. :) I kinda wanted one, too, when I was her age, though I might not have ever asked for it -- and heaven knows I still play Barbies (when she wears me down enough that I can't say no)....I'm sure I should willingly agree, because they're only young once, and all, but... well, at least with Barbies you can spend most of the time brushing their hair and changing their clothes.
WHY is it so hard to play pretend when you're a parent?? Is it that adult brains are filled with every other thing and there's no room for imagination? (Sad state.) Sometimes when I'm working in the kitchen, I can at least muster enough energy to call her "Emily," and she'll walk around with her purse, taking calls from "Derek," and taking care of the babies ("Layla" and "Avery" and recently, "Lisa"). It's SO uninteresting to me and I can't figure out why. You'd think it would still be fun! To act like a kid again? But... no. It isn't fun.
---
Meanwhile, Alex's buddy, Brandon, will also be staying with us next week, from Wednesday night through Sunday afternoon. !! His parents are divorced, there was a scheduling conflict, and the mom asked for our help while she goes out of town. I was quick to say yes -- how can you say no to a single mom who needs help? Plus, she's very sweet -- and although it will be a bit chaotic, it's hardly a strain to have one more kid to take to and pick up from school. We're going that way already. I think it'll be fun for all the kids. (Mom, remember when Betsy and Patrick stayed with us for a couple of weeknights during the schoolyear? I do, somewhat fondly, and that's one reason I didn't think twice about saying yes. Breakfast cereal with friends before school just seems unusual and fun to me. Hee.) I hope he also likes ham sandwiches in his lunchbox!
Alex has been writing essays for his English class. Or, I should say, he has been worrying over essays for English class. I feed him ideas and then he can get going, but I'm not going to be able to do that for long or he'll start relying on me. He gets SO frustrated, but the end product is usually very good. I love that he's writing "for real." Compare and Contrast. Intro, Body Body Body, Conclusion. So fun!! OH, and he's using FORMULAS in math! Area of a triangle = b x 1/2h. (I always said "1/2bh", I think, but same thing. [isn't it?]) Math. Didn't realize how much I liked math until high school/college, I don't think.
These kids are growing up so fast. I'm glad they still need hugs and cuddles from Mommy. Kate still asks to be picked up and hugged on a daily basis -- last night I got a big, her-head-on-my-shoulder, lonnnnng hug -- and Alex initiates it more often than I would think he would at ten, and I'm a lucky, lucky Mom for both of those reasons. :)
I want to have some sort of craft for them to do, so I'm going to hit Hobby Lobby and Party City this weekend. I'd thought decorating some no-spill water bottles would be a good idea; then, they could take drinks upstairs to the guest room/playroom safely. I am hopeful that room is where they'll mostly stay. We've set up a TV in there, and the Wii and Xbox 360, which should cover Just Dance and Kinect Party, two games that Kate likes. There are board games in the cabinet. Kate's dolls are (ahem) still in boxes in the closet... and all over the house, besides, so they could have an epic game of "House" or "Friends" or "School" or whatever. We can do a Netflix movie from the Wii, and then pizza and cake, and I have to figure out what's for breakfast. I'm thinking about these French Toast muffins.
She wants a Barbie Dream House, and even though it's $165goodlord, I'm thinking of granting that wish. :) I kinda wanted one, too, when I was her age, though I might not have ever asked for it -- and heaven knows I still play Barbies (when she wears me down enough that I can't say no)....I'm sure I should willingly agree, because they're only young once, and all, but... well, at least with Barbies you can spend most of the time brushing their hair and changing their clothes.
WHY is it so hard to play pretend when you're a parent?? Is it that adult brains are filled with every other thing and there's no room for imagination? (Sad state.) Sometimes when I'm working in the kitchen, I can at least muster enough energy to call her "Emily," and she'll walk around with her purse, taking calls from "Derek," and taking care of the babies ("Layla" and "Avery" and recently, "Lisa"). It's SO uninteresting to me and I can't figure out why. You'd think it would still be fun! To act like a kid again? But... no. It isn't fun.
---
Meanwhile, Alex's buddy, Brandon, will also be staying with us next week, from Wednesday night through Sunday afternoon. !! His parents are divorced, there was a scheduling conflict, and the mom asked for our help while she goes out of town. I was quick to say yes -- how can you say no to a single mom who needs help? Plus, she's very sweet -- and although it will be a bit chaotic, it's hardly a strain to have one more kid to take to and pick up from school. We're going that way already. I think it'll be fun for all the kids. (Mom, remember when Betsy and Patrick stayed with us for a couple of weeknights during the schoolyear? I do, somewhat fondly, and that's one reason I didn't think twice about saying yes. Breakfast cereal with friends before school just seems unusual and fun to me. Hee.) I hope he also likes ham sandwiches in his lunchbox!
Alex has been writing essays for his English class. Or, I should say, he has been worrying over essays for English class. I feed him ideas and then he can get going, but I'm not going to be able to do that for long or he'll start relying on me. He gets SO frustrated, but the end product is usually very good. I love that he's writing "for real." Compare and Contrast. Intro, Body Body Body, Conclusion. So fun!! OH, and he's using FORMULAS in math! Area of a triangle = b x 1/2h. (I always said "1/2bh", I think, but same thing. [isn't it?]) Math. Didn't realize how much I liked math until high school/college, I don't think.
These kids are growing up so fast. I'm glad they still need hugs and cuddles from Mommy. Kate still asks to be picked up and hugged on a daily basis -- last night I got a big, her-head-on-my-shoulder, lonnnnng hug -- and Alex initiates it more often than I would think he would at ten, and I'm a lucky, lucky Mom for both of those reasons. :)
Monday, January 26
Prepare for some good news
GET THIS: It is a Monday, but I feel FINE. !!! I know, right?
Here is why, I think: We went to bed at a reasonable hour last night (10-10:30), we slept without interruption (this had not been an issue until the last week or two, when Kate has remembered her younger years' habit and starting coming to see us periodically, around 4:00 am), my darling princess daughter got out of bed and FULLY DRESSED this morning without me, even though I was primed to gently and kindly lead her through it.... and the A-number-one reason.... my bothersome, stress-inducing team members are all away at a week-long meeting in Europe (again)! Woot woot! AND I have a list of tasks that I get to decide when to do, some that are just mindless updating/data entry-type things (which I enjoy), and none that are "OMG we have to do this RIGHT NOW."
THIS IS WHAT MAKES A HAPPY MONDAY. Bosses away, tasks to do quietly. HELL to the YEAH. I also made butternut squash soup last night for my healthy, 2-point lunch.
One other work update that makes me SO happy: My new direct manager, who begins today at said European meeting, (drumroll, pleeeeeeeease.....) HAS CHILDREN! This is a prayer answered, so thank you Jesus. Thank you, thank you. It is difficult to believe, but until the hiring of this woman, not one woman in our current upper management team could ever hope to understand the working-mom thing. Not the President, not the HR director, not the director of Marketing Global (my boss), not my friend/manager Sh@n, not my interim manager H0lly. Some of them have tried to SAY they understand, but in actual fact, they couldn't, because you simply can't unless you've done it. Anyway, the new manager was here for a minute last Friday and mentioned her kids (s! Plural!) not once, but twice. This bodes well. Now, let's just hope I will actually like her as a person, and not just appreciate that she appreciates my personal situation.
Hallelujah! Happy Monday.
Here is why, I think: We went to bed at a reasonable hour last night (10-10:30), we slept without interruption (this had not been an issue until the last week or two, when Kate has remembered her younger years' habit and starting coming to see us periodically, around 4:00 am), my darling princess daughter got out of bed and FULLY DRESSED this morning without me, even though I was primed to gently and kindly lead her through it.... and the A-number-one reason.... my bothersome, stress-inducing team members are all away at a week-long meeting in Europe (again)! Woot woot! AND I have a list of tasks that I get to decide when to do, some that are just mindless updating/data entry-type things (which I enjoy), and none that are "OMG we have to do this RIGHT NOW."
THIS IS WHAT MAKES A HAPPY MONDAY. Bosses away, tasks to do quietly. HELL to the YEAH. I also made butternut squash soup last night for my healthy, 2-point lunch.
One other work update that makes me SO happy: My new direct manager, who begins today at said European meeting, (drumroll, pleeeeeeeease.....) HAS CHILDREN! This is a prayer answered, so thank you Jesus. Thank you, thank you. It is difficult to believe, but until the hiring of this woman, not one woman in our current upper management team could ever hope to understand the working-mom thing. Not the President, not the HR director, not the director of Marketing Global (my boss), not my friend/manager Sh@n, not my interim manager H0lly. Some of them have tried to SAY they understand, but in actual fact, they couldn't, because you simply can't unless you've done it. Anyway, the new manager was here for a minute last Friday and mentioned her kids (s! Plural!) not once, but twice. This bodes well. Now, let's just hope I will actually like her as a person, and not just appreciate that she appreciates my personal situation.
Hallelujah! Happy Monday.
Thursday, January 15
Weekdays, Piano Lessons
I've been searching for whatever heart-filling, peaceful glow I had a few weeks ago, I guess the remnants from Christmas Day (perfect day) and getting to spend all that time with the kids and my darling husband and parents, and reading that Drummer Girl essay that said "you are enough, just as you are..." and I'm not finding it, really. I suppose the hustle and bustle of the regular schedule is back - not that I feel overly rushed, just stepping in time to the rhythm of our days.
Monday, bummer of a day (always), work pitifully because my heart's never in it, 'til 4:30 and then homework, dinner, baths, bed, laundry. Tuesday, work, rush to carpool, homework, Kate to gymnastics (love), dinner, baths, bed. Wednesday, long day at work, pickup Alex, Kate to choir, Alex to piano lessons (NEW! more below!), homework, figure out something for dinner, bed, TV/laundry. Thursday, more of same, choir practice (dread going, enjoy once there). Friday, (almost finished good feelings), work, pickup kids, hope for dinner out somewhere easy like Chili's (kids have complained we're going to the nearby Mexican place too often, heh), crash on couch, FIN. Saturday and Sunday are busier still, errands and chores (sometimes I don't feel like Shawn or I ever sit down).
Routine is good, though. The kids are better with the routine and school. Summer's approaching fast, eeks, gotta get on that and start planning (again. already.), but for now we're in the thick of it. Fifth grade and first grade. Music lessons. Winter. It's good.
Alex - Piano! Yayyyyyy! When we quit jiu jitsu in June, we were either lazy or else we deliberately let him take a break from activities during the first semester. I'd like to think it was deliberate, but there was also an element of he-wasn't-interested-in-anything much. But during the fall, we'd say, "In January, we'll find you something new to try. Music lessons, or soccer, or something." And he grabbed onto the idea of piano lessons. I think the fact that his cousin Joey is a natural pianist has a big influence. I was, of course, thrilled, and have wanted the kids in music lessons for a long time (parenting FAIL until now!), because I know how good it was for me. BUT I didn't know how to find a good teacher. I emailed one or two last summer, after reading reviews/websites, and didn't hear back. Disappointing. Talked to a family friend about their teacher, who requires costumes and speaking parts of all her recital participants twice a year... NO THANKS. Don't have time for that nonsense! So last week, one day after school I thought, let's just try the local instrument store and see what they have. They had one opening on the very next day, with the teacher I thought looked best on their brochure. Boom. Signed Alex up and he is doing SO WELL after 2 half-hour lessons! (i didn't sign Kate up because she's doing choir for the first time this year, and it works out because now Alex will be "ahead" of her if she does ever start piano; that'll be good for his older-brother mentality/esteem.) Bastien Piano series for Beginners, which is how I learned, too, when I was five. :) He's surprised the teacher with how fast he's getting it.
I think it's great that he didn't start until now, actually -- maybe the hand of Divine intervention - because as I've been thinking about it, when boys start earlier, age 10 is about when they peter out and their interest wanes. I think we have the possibility of this carrying Alex into high school and hopefully further. We'll see. No pressure, son, hahaha. Mama just has goals for you. ;)
Last night he got a little frustrated while practicing. When he'd calmed down I whispered to him that I've known he was musical since he was a baby, and I meant it. He's always had good pitch, perfect rhythm - an ear for it. And his math talents come in handy, as well. So I know he'll get the parts he's having trouble on. Practice, practice, practice.
Good advice for my daily round, I guess, too.
Monday, bummer of a day (always), work pitifully because my heart's never in it, 'til 4:30 and then homework, dinner, baths, bed, laundry. Tuesday, work, rush to carpool, homework, Kate to gymnastics (love), dinner, baths, bed. Wednesday, long day at work, pickup Alex, Kate to choir, Alex to piano lessons (NEW! more below!), homework, figure out something for dinner, bed, TV/laundry. Thursday, more of same, choir practice (dread going, enjoy once there). Friday, (almost finished good feelings), work, pickup kids, hope for dinner out somewhere easy like Chili's (kids have complained we're going to the nearby Mexican place too often, heh), crash on couch, FIN. Saturday and Sunday are busier still, errands and chores (sometimes I don't feel like Shawn or I ever sit down).
Routine is good, though. The kids are better with the routine and school. Summer's approaching fast, eeks, gotta get on that and start planning (again. already.), but for now we're in the thick of it. Fifth grade and first grade. Music lessons. Winter. It's good.
Alex - Piano! Yayyyyyy! When we quit jiu jitsu in June, we were either lazy or else we deliberately let him take a break from activities during the first semester. I'd like to think it was deliberate, but there was also an element of he-wasn't-interested-in-anything much. But during the fall, we'd say, "In January, we'll find you something new to try. Music lessons, or soccer, or something." And he grabbed onto the idea of piano lessons. I think the fact that his cousin Joey is a natural pianist has a big influence. I was, of course, thrilled, and have wanted the kids in music lessons for a long time (parenting FAIL until now!), because I know how good it was for me. BUT I didn't know how to find a good teacher. I emailed one or two last summer, after reading reviews/websites, and didn't hear back. Disappointing. Talked to a family friend about their teacher, who requires costumes and speaking parts of all her recital participants twice a year... NO THANKS. Don't have time for that nonsense! So last week, one day after school I thought, let's just try the local instrument store and see what they have. They had one opening on the very next day, with the teacher I thought looked best on their brochure. Boom. Signed Alex up and he is doing SO WELL after 2 half-hour lessons! (i didn't sign Kate up because she's doing choir for the first time this year, and it works out because now Alex will be "ahead" of her if she does ever start piano; that'll be good for his older-brother mentality/esteem.) Bastien Piano series for Beginners, which is how I learned, too, when I was five. :) He's surprised the teacher with how fast he's getting it.
I think it's great that he didn't start until now, actually -- maybe the hand of Divine intervention - because as I've been thinking about it, when boys start earlier, age 10 is about when they peter out and their interest wanes. I think we have the possibility of this carrying Alex into high school and hopefully further. We'll see. No pressure, son, hahaha. Mama just has goals for you. ;)
Last night he got a little frustrated while practicing. When he'd calmed down I whispered to him that I've known he was musical since he was a baby, and I meant it. He's always had good pitch, perfect rhythm - an ear for it. And his math talents come in handy, as well. So I know he'll get the parts he's having trouble on. Practice, practice, practice.
Good advice for my daily round, I guess, too.
Monday, January 12
Saint Claude de la Colombiere
I used Jennifer Fulwiler's Saint Name Generator to pick me a saint for 2015. I've tried it in the past and not had much interest in the saint that was picked for me, but today I got St. Claude de la Colombiere.
Feast day: Feb 15
Patron of turners (lathe-workers)
I'm trying not to read too much into something that was coded online as a spiritual or miraculous THING, but I did say a prayer, as the website suggests, before clicking, and I feel like this saint is interestingly appropriate for me:
He lived to be 41; I will be 41 in 2015.
His day, Feb 15, is Kate's birthday.
The lathe makes me think of "Lord of All Hopefulness," and verse two which says, "Lord of all eagerness, Lord of all faith, whose strong hands were skilled at the plane and the lathe, be there at our labors..."
My two biggest difficulties right now are learning to be a better mother to Kate, who is so different from me, and reconciling how I feel about my job/working.
This Christmas, I've also been trying hard to remember that I am enough, and this is what the prayer from this site says:
Lord, I am in this world to show Your mercy to others. Other people will glorify You by making visible the power of Your grace by their fidelity and constancy to You. For my part I will glorify You by making known how good You are to sinners, that Your mercy is boundless and that no sinner no matter how great his offences should have reason to despair of pardon. If I have grievously offended You, My Redeemer, let me not offend You even more by thinking that You are not kind enough to pardon Me. Amen. - Saint Claude de la Colombiere
Feast day: Feb 15
Patron of turners (lathe-workers)
I'm trying not to read too much into something that was coded online as a spiritual or miraculous THING, but I did say a prayer, as the website suggests, before clicking, and I feel like this saint is interestingly appropriate for me:
He lived to be 41; I will be 41 in 2015.
His day, Feb 15, is Kate's birthday.
The lathe makes me think of "Lord of All Hopefulness," and verse two which says, "Lord of all eagerness, Lord of all faith, whose strong hands were skilled at the plane and the lathe, be there at our labors..."
My two biggest difficulties right now are learning to be a better mother to Kate, who is so different from me, and reconciling how I feel about my job/working.
This Christmas, I've also been trying hard to remember that I am enough, and this is what the prayer from this site says:
Lord, I am in this world to show Your mercy to others. Other people will glorify You by making visible the power of Your grace by their fidelity and constancy to You. For my part I will glorify You by making known how good You are to sinners, that Your mercy is boundless and that no sinner no matter how great his offences should have reason to despair of pardon. If I have grievously offended You, My Redeemer, let me not offend You even more by thinking that You are not kind enough to pardon Me. Amen. - Saint Claude de la Colombiere
Wednesday, January 7
Last of the Leftovers, hooray!
We ate the last of our holiday leftovers last night, HOORAY! Threw the rest out. We're done. But oh, did we eat some good things recently:
London Broil -- First time I used the broiler drawer in this new kitchen. I didn't even burn the meat; in fact, it was pretty rare on the first go-round. Almost too rare for my liking (sorry, Shawn). But it worked as a leftover, because putting it in the the microwave made it just right. I can't remember the recipe/marinade I used. During the holidays I put the steak on King's Hawaiian slider rolls, with Dijon and mayo, and THAT was yummy.
Lasagna -- Christmas Day dinner. So festive in my HUGE Lenox Holiday casserole dish! So easy. Even fun to put together! Dry noodles! I mostly made up the recipe from others I've used, but what you need to know is three things: Lean beef + Turkey sausage, cottage cheese + ricotta, and 28 oz pasta sauce + 1/2 to 1/3 C. water. It turned out perfect.
Mom and Dad made Meatloaf** -- the first weeknight they were here, Shawn and I came home to dinner already made! Meatloaf, which everyone in my house likes, plus a salad (I think) and the potatoes below. They even made a 2nd meatloaf that's in my freezer right now, so I won't have to think so hard about next week's menu! Yippie!
Pioneer Woman's Potato Casserole** -- I'm pretty sure it's this one, and it was creamy and amazing. The kids ate a few bites but haven't wanted any since. More for me! We made it with frozen hash browns instead of thin-sliced potatoes. Muuuuuch easier.
**The best part about this meal was that Kate walked through the kitchen while they were cooking, and the house was starting to smell really good, and she said, "Y'all are doing great for a 73-year old and a 68-year old!" We'll never forget it.
Another PW recipe: Christmas Tortilla Roll-Ups. Also another thing I didn't make, Mom and Dad did! SO delicious. There's Ranch dressing mix that makes these so flavorful! We might still have one wrapped up in the fridge; I forgot to check last night. Mostly I'm the only one in my family of four who likes them. I think they'd be good with added turkey, too. We did a lot of "appetizers" dinners, particularly on New Year's Eve (sometimes I've done that on New Year's Day, too, but not this year). My favorite!
Pork Tenderloin -- Easy, I bought a portabello mushroom flavored one. This was going to be NYD dinner, but instead, we had:
Sausage and Shrimp Gumbo. Shawn's request, and thank goodness he did! It was something fun to do that day with Mom, and warm and filling. Even the kids ate some (I did make a non-spicy version for them), which is what we call progress! Can't link to the recipe because it's a family one, and not online as far as I know, but MAN, did it turn out good. Especially the 2nd day. No leftovers on that one, nothing to throw out. We served it with rice and french bread because duh, that's the only way to eat gumbo. And Mom, we're going to practice more often, aren't we? We promised each other we would. :)
London Broil -- First time I used the broiler drawer in this new kitchen. I didn't even burn the meat; in fact, it was pretty rare on the first go-round. Almost too rare for my liking (sorry, Shawn). But it worked as a leftover, because putting it in the the microwave made it just right. I can't remember the recipe/marinade I used. During the holidays I put the steak on King's Hawaiian slider rolls, with Dijon and mayo, and THAT was yummy.
Lasagna -- Christmas Day dinner. So festive in my HUGE Lenox Holiday casserole dish! So easy. Even fun to put together! Dry noodles! I mostly made up the recipe from others I've used, but what you need to know is three things: Lean beef + Turkey sausage, cottage cheese + ricotta, and 28 oz pasta sauce + 1/2 to 1/3 C. water. It turned out perfect.
Mom and Dad made Meatloaf** -- the first weeknight they were here, Shawn and I came home to dinner already made! Meatloaf, which everyone in my house likes, plus a salad (I think) and the potatoes below. They even made a 2nd meatloaf that's in my freezer right now, so I won't have to think so hard about next week's menu! Yippie!
Pioneer Woman's Potato Casserole** -- I'm pretty sure it's this one, and it was creamy and amazing. The kids ate a few bites but haven't wanted any since. More for me! We made it with frozen hash browns instead of thin-sliced potatoes. Muuuuuch easier.
**The best part about this meal was that Kate walked through the kitchen while they were cooking, and the house was starting to smell really good, and she said, "Y'all are doing great for a 73-year old and a 68-year old!" We'll never forget it.
Another PW recipe: Christmas Tortilla Roll-Ups. Also another thing I didn't make, Mom and Dad did! SO delicious. There's Ranch dressing mix that makes these so flavorful! We might still have one wrapped up in the fridge; I forgot to check last night. Mostly I'm the only one in my family of four who likes them. I think they'd be good with added turkey, too. We did a lot of "appetizers" dinners, particularly on New Year's Eve (sometimes I've done that on New Year's Day, too, but not this year). My favorite!
Pork Tenderloin -- Easy, I bought a portabello mushroom flavored one. This was going to be NYD dinner, but instead, we had:
Sausage and Shrimp Gumbo. Shawn's request, and thank goodness he did! It was something fun to do that day with Mom, and warm and filling. Even the kids ate some (I did make a non-spicy version for them), which is what we call progress! Can't link to the recipe because it's a family one, and not online as far as I know, but MAN, did it turn out good. Especially the 2nd day. No leftovers on that one, nothing to throw out. We served it with rice and french bread because duh, that's the only way to eat gumbo. And Mom, we're going to practice more often, aren't we? We promised each other we would. :)
Wednesday, December 31
Reflecting on '14
Here's what I don't want to do today: Complain that I'm at work.
Here's what's happening at home: Kate is going to play at her friend Kate's house, and Alex is having Will over to play at our house, with Grandmommy and Papa Joe doing the taxiing and babysitting. Pretty fun day for them, yes?
Here's what we're doing tonight: Relaxing. Drinking wine and champagne. Eating crackers and cheeses and cookies and maybe some turkey roll-ups and carrots and Ranch, and breathing deep. A day off tomorrow. We are going to celebrate and be together. (We are going to do some laundry, parenthetically.) We will likely play several rounds of "Authors," "Children's Authors," and "Inventors," three Go-Fish card games that Mom brought the kids that they LOVE. We need to set up a big tournament to make it higher stakes! Hee hee.
You know what was fun and different this morning? I had to sit in my car and let it warm up! I've let Mom and Dad park in the garage and kept my car on the driveway, exposed to the elements (ooooo) these last few days. This morning there was frost on the windshield, enough that I couldn't see to drive it until it had defrosted. So rarely happens to me I'm surprised I remembered what to do. Ha!
Here's what I posted at Happier:
Mindful on this last day of the year: God is good. We are loved. Life is sweet. I am richly blessed.
And that's all I really need to know for 2015, isn't it?
I do like having a little time for reflection, though. It was a busy year. It was the year I got a big thing that I wanted -- a new house in a new neighborhood. It was hard, but rewarding, to go through that whole stressful process. Sometimes we still can't actually believe we did it. Alex is spending the night at the old neighbors' tomorrow night. I have mixed emotions about going there on the first day of 2015, but keep telling myself, "Don't be silly."
It was the year I turned 40, and Shawn gave me the biggest gift by planning that amazing surprise party for me. I can still reach back and remember how blessed and loved I felt, arriving in the room and seeing.... nearly everyone. Thank you, Honey, for working SO hard to do that for me.
It was a year for growth in parenting. Mistakes were made, but I think a lot of progress, too. And Kate is growing up. Bless her. I see fewer and fewer tantrums. We still have our differences, of course, and arguments. I work at redirecting her, talking it through, understanding her feelings. She's growing up, but still so little. Lately she's asking me to sing her our old lullabies while she drifts off to sleep.
Alex is growing up, too. It has been a year of change for him. Saying goodbye to another sport, reading less, then more, really maturing in his approach to school and organization. I want so much for him -- success and achievement, and for him to find HIS THING. I'm trying not to worry about it but I want to gently push him to try more things. This week he's been interested in Mythbusters and his remote control quad-copter and for some reason, it makes me hopeful.
Shawn lost his father in 2014. I feel terribly guilty that I haven't been more mindful of that during the holidays. I pray for his heart. I hope his good memories glow brightly and that we honored his Dad well in June. I think we did. I spent a lot of time praying for mercy for him, and for Susan, in this year.
And it was a healthier year for me. I lost 8 pounds. I'm unsure how many of these I gained back in the last 2 weeks, but I'm still willing to work at it. I'm relieved.
My 2015 wishes, besides remembering that God is good and I am loved? To read a little more. To pray a little more. To plan a few more fun family things. To walk, run and stretch a little more. To take more time off. To find more meaning in my work, somehow. To be who I am. It's the 2nd half of my 40th year. I feel a lot of possibility there. "When I turned 40, I made good things happen." That's what I want to say.
Here's what's happening at home: Kate is going to play at her friend Kate's house, and Alex is having Will over to play at our house, with Grandmommy and Papa Joe doing the taxiing and babysitting. Pretty fun day for them, yes?
Here's what we're doing tonight: Relaxing. Drinking wine and champagne. Eating crackers and cheeses and cookies and maybe some turkey roll-ups and carrots and Ranch, and breathing deep. A day off tomorrow. We are going to celebrate and be together. (We are going to do some laundry, parenthetically.) We will likely play several rounds of "Authors," "Children's Authors," and "Inventors," three Go-Fish card games that Mom brought the kids that they LOVE. We need to set up a big tournament to make it higher stakes! Hee hee.
You know what was fun and different this morning? I had to sit in my car and let it warm up! I've let Mom and Dad park in the garage and kept my car on the driveway, exposed to the elements (ooooo) these last few days. This morning there was frost on the windshield, enough that I couldn't see to drive it until it had defrosted. So rarely happens to me I'm surprised I remembered what to do. Ha!
Here's what I posted at Happier:
Mindful on this last day of the year: God is good. We are loved. Life is sweet. I am richly blessed.
And that's all I really need to know for 2015, isn't it?
I do like having a little time for reflection, though. It was a busy year. It was the year I got a big thing that I wanted -- a new house in a new neighborhood. It was hard, but rewarding, to go through that whole stressful process. Sometimes we still can't actually believe we did it. Alex is spending the night at the old neighbors' tomorrow night. I have mixed emotions about going there on the first day of 2015, but keep telling myself, "Don't be silly."
It was the year I turned 40, and Shawn gave me the biggest gift by planning that amazing surprise party for me. I can still reach back and remember how blessed and loved I felt, arriving in the room and seeing.... nearly everyone. Thank you, Honey, for working SO hard to do that for me.
It was a year for growth in parenting. Mistakes were made, but I think a lot of progress, too. And Kate is growing up. Bless her. I see fewer and fewer tantrums. We still have our differences, of course, and arguments. I work at redirecting her, talking it through, understanding her feelings. She's growing up, but still so little. Lately she's asking me to sing her our old lullabies while she drifts off to sleep.
Alex is growing up, too. It has been a year of change for him. Saying goodbye to another sport, reading less, then more, really maturing in his approach to school and organization. I want so much for him -- success and achievement, and for him to find HIS THING. I'm trying not to worry about it but I want to gently push him to try more things. This week he's been interested in Mythbusters and his remote control quad-copter and for some reason, it makes me hopeful.
Shawn lost his father in 2014. I feel terribly guilty that I haven't been more mindful of that during the holidays. I pray for his heart. I hope his good memories glow brightly and that we honored his Dad well in June. I think we did. I spent a lot of time praying for mercy for him, and for Susan, in this year.
And it was a healthier year for me. I lost 8 pounds. I'm unsure how many of these I gained back in the last 2 weeks, but I'm still willing to work at it. I'm relieved.
My 2015 wishes, besides remembering that God is good and I am loved? To read a little more. To pray a little more. To plan a few more fun family things. To walk, run and stretch a little more. To take more time off. To find more meaning in my work, somehow. To be who I am. It's the 2nd half of my 40th year. I feel a lot of possibility there. "When I turned 40, I made good things happen." That's what I want to say.
Monday, December 29
Perfect Christmas Day
First of all, I didn't get sick on Christmas Eve! Amazing in itself.
Second of all, the Santa presents turned out exactly even. Or, even enough that I was perfectly satisfied. Shawn had done some prep work while I was singing at Midnight Mass, so when I got home the setup was pretty easy. We got to bed around 2:30am. Oof! Had made the kids promise, after they said they would be getting up at 6:00am, to pleeeeeeeeease wait until 6:30. And they did. ;) Evidently, their alarms went off at 6:00, but they waited in Kate's room, probably giggling and squee-ing just like Jill and I used to do (and peeking), until the stroke of 6:30. I had woken up a few minutes before they came tip-toeing into our room, whispering, "I'll get Mommy, you get Daddy." So adorable to get to hear the excitement in their whispers. I'm grateful God nudged me awake for that tiny gift.
They loved their presents and were just as happy and excited as they could be. It was awesome. And then, because we didn't have anywhere we had to go, or anything we had to dress up to do (no going to Mass! Two on Christmas Eve was enough!), we stayed in our pajamas until 1:00 pm, and just enjoyed being together. I started the coffee after we finished presents, turned on some Christmas music in the kitchen (how I love having our old iPhone on speakers in the kitchen!), started making crepes, and the kids played with each one of their new things in succession. Shawn and I were able to get on the floor and help/play with them, too, and allowed ourselves to do that. Even when I was making crepe batter, I told myself there was no schedule, and I could pause a few minutes to look at something when Kate asked me to. (I really need to work on doing that more often on regular days.) The crepes didn't take too long, much Nutella was had, Shawn did the dishes, we turned on Christmas Vacation for the 2nd time and laughed when Cousin Eddy said, "Shitter was full!" ....and how fun is it, that the kids are old enough to enjoy a few naughty words here and there and we can trust there won't be repercussions?...
At one point during the still-early morning, Kate wanted to take her bow and arrow outside to shoot it. I took my coffee cup and sat on the porch while she did, and it was cool, crisp outside without being uncomfortable. And sunny! After 3-4 days of grey and rain, the sun was out! There's not much I love more than being outside in the morning. We stayed out there about 20 minutes. Another perfect gift.
The whole thing was just blissful. Quiet, and warm inside, the kids worked hard to get along all day, and we soaked it all up. I took a tiny nap and didn't feel guilty. I think Shawn did, too. Later in the afternoon I poured some red wine and put together a huge lasagna and a salad. We ate in the dining room with the Lenox Holiday -- candlelight dinner! -- and talked about what a great day it had been. Shawn did the dishes AGAIN, even the fine china (thank you so much, Honey).
Truly, a Christmas day to remember.
Second of all, the Santa presents turned out exactly even. Or, even enough that I was perfectly satisfied. Shawn had done some prep work while I was singing at Midnight Mass, so when I got home the setup was pretty easy. We got to bed around 2:30am. Oof! Had made the kids promise, after they said they would be getting up at 6:00am, to pleeeeeeeeease wait until 6:30. And they did. ;) Evidently, their alarms went off at 6:00, but they waited in Kate's room, probably giggling and squee-ing just like Jill and I used to do (and peeking), until the stroke of 6:30. I had woken up a few minutes before they came tip-toeing into our room, whispering, "I'll get Mommy, you get Daddy." So adorable to get to hear the excitement in their whispers. I'm grateful God nudged me awake for that tiny gift.
They loved their presents and were just as happy and excited as they could be. It was awesome. And then, because we didn't have anywhere we had to go, or anything we had to dress up to do (no going to Mass! Two on Christmas Eve was enough!), we stayed in our pajamas until 1:00 pm, and just enjoyed being together. I started the coffee after we finished presents, turned on some Christmas music in the kitchen (how I love having our old iPhone on speakers in the kitchen!), started making crepes, and the kids played with each one of their new things in succession. Shawn and I were able to get on the floor and help/play with them, too, and allowed ourselves to do that. Even when I was making crepe batter, I told myself there was no schedule, and I could pause a few minutes to look at something when Kate asked me to. (I really need to work on doing that more often on regular days.) The crepes didn't take too long, much Nutella was had, Shawn did the dishes, we turned on Christmas Vacation for the 2nd time and laughed when Cousin Eddy said, "Shitter was full!" ....and how fun is it, that the kids are old enough to enjoy a few naughty words here and there and we can trust there won't be repercussions?...
At one point during the still-early morning, Kate wanted to take her bow and arrow outside to shoot it. I took my coffee cup and sat on the porch while she did, and it was cool, crisp outside without being uncomfortable. And sunny! After 3-4 days of grey and rain, the sun was out! There's not much I love more than being outside in the morning. We stayed out there about 20 minutes. Another perfect gift.
The whole thing was just blissful. Quiet, and warm inside, the kids worked hard to get along all day, and we soaked it all up. I took a tiny nap and didn't feel guilty. I think Shawn did, too. Later in the afternoon I poured some red wine and put together a huge lasagna and a salad. We ate in the dining room with the Lenox Holiday -- candlelight dinner! -- and talked about what a great day it had been. Shawn did the dishes AGAIN, even the fine china (thank you so much, Honey).
Truly, a Christmas day to remember.
Friday, December 19
Writing, jobs/vocations, and Christmas coming
I've been trying to write something here all week, and nothing I've put down has seemed worthy of even remembering, myself, let alone inviting others to read. We've been sick at our house - Shawn, Alex and Kate - and I'm living in fear that I'll be next, probably during (2013) Christmas (2012) Week (2011) as usual, or during Midnight Mass, which has happened more than once. (As long as I get to sing my solo verse of "In the Bleak Mid-Winter," I will not mind, really. It's one of my favorite solos, even moreso than "O Holy Night," which I've never done because we have a tenor who does it. ;) )
My job leaves me wanting to blog-vent every single day, and if I were not me, but someone else reading this, I would likely comment with heavy fingers, typing, "FOR GOD'S SAKE, QUIT the job if it's so terrible!" ...but I'm either too timid to quit or too stupid, or there are enough decent things about it that I don't always want to. Only sometimes. Mondays usually. ;) The things that make me crazy are, many times, the whims of ONE person in particular -- she who hired me. I had thought that she was on her way out this year, as a matter of fact. She was making it known in the fall that she was actively looking for new work (yay)! But then, the CEO bought the company from our previous shareholders, and he divided his shares among the managers, including her. So I guess she's staying now. Pfft.
There's still one hope for me, if they hire an additional new person in my department. She/he would become my manager, and I have begun praying for a person who HAS CHILDREN, and might possibly have an understanding heart in that department -- and also one who has a pleasant working style, UNLIKE this woman around whom I've been struggling. If that were to happen, I think things would be infinitely improved. But you never know.
Working is such a fundamental part of living, at least for me. It continues to define me and my mood and my operating style, and I don't know why, or if that is a good thing, or bad. I don't know if I can take the wider view in a more permanent way, and STOP seeing work as part of my definition, or if I will always do so. I suppose if it's a vocation, it's okay to see it this way. And maybe writing to breast cancer survivors, with them in mind, about wellness and happiness and strength and courage, IS my vocation (w w w dot a m o e n a dot u s, for those who don't know). I suppose it isn't a bad one. The problem is when the vocation gets surrounded with all the other stupid stuff of business. Personalities and power-plays and making money and continuously low clickthrough rate challenges and having to do thing reactively instead of proactively.
I'm sure priests' and ministers' vocations get eaten up with the stupid stuff of business, too. I've always thought they must hate the financial part of running a parish. "Not why I got into this business!" they must grumble to themselves. That's a bit of comfort, maybe.
Anyway, it's Christmas, and the kids' last half-day of school today. They both had a ton of makeup work that needed to get done this week, and they did it by the skin of their teeth (Kate, this morning, eating pancakes and doing spelling).
We feel good about this year's Santa haul, although we haven't layed it all out REALLY, to compare and make even. I'm trying to decide if I'll wrap everything this year or not. I kinda want to and have squirreled away 2 different Santa-themed wrapping papers, one for each kid, a la my Mom. :) Maybe I'll include a note that one of the elves got excited about wrapping paper this year. The kids are getting a Disney Infinity game for (one of the game systems, I can't remember which one) to share. Kate's getting an Easy-Bake Oven, and Alex an Air Hogs Quad-Copter, for their "big" gifts, I guess. Kate's also getting some stitching and yarn activities, which I can't wait to do with her, and Alex is getting some of his trading cards, of course. I can't remember what all else. Books. Oh, Kate's getting a bow and arrow (Nerf Rebelle) for an outdoor toy.
Tonight I get to go to a moms' party, and I'm excited because I love having something festive to do, but also feeling a little bummed slash guilty that it's just for the moms. Kate will give me the business, I'm sure, about being gone "all the time." The weekend promises errands and a kids' choir thing at the Square, and cleaning house (much needed), but we don't have to do uniforms laundry, so that's a bonus. ;)
I'm planning to make crepes for Christmas breakfast. In our own house, just us.
My job leaves me wanting to blog-vent every single day, and if I were not me, but someone else reading this, I would likely comment with heavy fingers, typing, "FOR GOD'S SAKE, QUIT the job if it's so terrible!" ...but I'm either too timid to quit or too stupid, or there are enough decent things about it that I don't always want to. Only sometimes. Mondays usually. ;) The things that make me crazy are, many times, the whims of ONE person in particular -- she who hired me. I had thought that she was on her way out this year, as a matter of fact. She was making it known in the fall that she was actively looking for new work (yay)! But then, the CEO bought the company from our previous shareholders, and he divided his shares among the managers, including her. So I guess she's staying now. Pfft.
There's still one hope for me, if they hire an additional new person in my department. She/he would become my manager, and I have begun praying for a person who HAS CHILDREN, and might possibly have an understanding heart in that department -- and also one who has a pleasant working style, UNLIKE this woman around whom I've been struggling. If that were to happen, I think things would be infinitely improved. But you never know.
Working is such a fundamental part of living, at least for me. It continues to define me and my mood and my operating style, and I don't know why, or if that is a good thing, or bad. I don't know if I can take the wider view in a more permanent way, and STOP seeing work as part of my definition, or if I will always do so. I suppose if it's a vocation, it's okay to see it this way. And maybe writing to breast cancer survivors, with them in mind, about wellness and happiness and strength and courage, IS my vocation (w w w dot a m o e n a dot u s, for those who don't know). I suppose it isn't a bad one. The problem is when the vocation gets surrounded with all the other stupid stuff of business. Personalities and power-plays and making money and continuously low clickthrough rate challenges and having to do thing reactively instead of proactively.
I'm sure priests' and ministers' vocations get eaten up with the stupid stuff of business, too. I've always thought they must hate the financial part of running a parish. "Not why I got into this business!" they must grumble to themselves. That's a bit of comfort, maybe.
Anyway, it's Christmas, and the kids' last half-day of school today. They both had a ton of makeup work that needed to get done this week, and they did it by the skin of their teeth (Kate, this morning, eating pancakes and doing spelling).
We feel good about this year's Santa haul, although we haven't layed it all out REALLY, to compare and make even. I'm trying to decide if I'll wrap everything this year or not. I kinda want to and have squirreled away 2 different Santa-themed wrapping papers, one for each kid, a la my Mom. :) Maybe I'll include a note that one of the elves got excited about wrapping paper this year. The kids are getting a Disney Infinity game for (one of the game systems, I can't remember which one) to share. Kate's getting an Easy-Bake Oven, and Alex an Air Hogs Quad-Copter, for their "big" gifts, I guess. Kate's also getting some stitching and yarn activities, which I can't wait to do with her, and Alex is getting some of his trading cards, of course. I can't remember what all else. Books. Oh, Kate's getting a bow and arrow (Nerf Rebelle) for an outdoor toy.
Tonight I get to go to a moms' party, and I'm excited because I love having something festive to do, but also feeling a little bummed slash guilty that it's just for the moms. Kate will give me the business, I'm sure, about being gone "all the time." The weekend promises errands and a kids' choir thing at the Square, and cleaning house (much needed), but we don't have to do uniforms laundry, so that's a bonus. ;)
I'm planning to make crepes for Christmas breakfast. In our own house, just us.
Thursday, December 4
Elf Defense
I almost took that post from Tuesday down. No need to spew my bad mood all over the place. But.... yes. There IS a need to, because it feels good to get it out of my head. It's a journal, and journals are for FEELINGS, and I'm nothing if not rich in feelings.
Here's how I feel about something: I don't know why everyone's so heated up about the Elf on the Shelf. There is no direct commandment from the creators of that thing to make the Elf do any "antics!" NONE! In the little book that comes with the Elf, it only says he finds a place to sit and the kids have to find him! If you're thinking you have to be all kinds of creative and come up with tiny marshmallow habitats or clever plays on Elfin daily activities, or worse, that you have to wreck your own home in the name of "elf mischief," you have been swindled by Pinterest and Facebook and it's your own fault!
Now admittedly, Shawn and I produce big sighs about having to find a new place for him some nights, and we sometimes forget, but all the complaining that goes down on social media, and all the 800-word blog posts about how one little red doll has ruined Christmas -- I'm weary. Stop doing it if you don't like it, ya idiot.
Our tree is up, with the usual amount of parental angst and bickering, and also the usual number of ornaments on the bottom half of the tree where the kids automatically go, no matter how many times I say, "don't forget the back of the tree!" We had excellent laughs, however, at our photo ornaments of babies who were afraid of Santa. They got "front and center" status, and I dearly hope to have at least ONE party at our house so that other people can experience the joy of those pictures.
I need a floor lamp in that space, however. This weekend, we need to shop for outdoor Christmas decor (our first! Because new house!) and a floor lamp. Oh, and maybe some gifts for others, heh. I still have to ship a few things, don't I? Eek.
Here's how I feel about something: I don't know why everyone's so heated up about the Elf on the Shelf. There is no direct commandment from the creators of that thing to make the Elf do any "antics!" NONE! In the little book that comes with the Elf, it only says he finds a place to sit and the kids have to find him! If you're thinking you have to be all kinds of creative and come up with tiny marshmallow habitats or clever plays on Elfin daily activities, or worse, that you have to wreck your own home in the name of "elf mischief," you have been swindled by Pinterest and Facebook and it's your own fault!
Now admittedly, Shawn and I produce big sighs about having to find a new place for him some nights, and we sometimes forget, but all the complaining that goes down on social media, and all the 800-word blog posts about how one little red doll has ruined Christmas -- I'm weary. Stop doing it if you don't like it, ya idiot.
I need a floor lamp in that space, however. This weekend, we need to shop for outdoor Christmas decor (our first! Because new house!) and a floor lamp. Oh, and maybe some gifts for others, heh. I still have to ship a few things, don't I? Eek.
Tuesday, December 2
Go on, GUESS how I'm feeling.
Whiny. The answer is "whiny," about work this week (total shocker), even though I KNOW I should be grateful for having a job, and yes, it's only a small part of my overall amazing life. Amazing. Grateful, indeed. Part of it is re-entry after Thanksgiving break, which was so lovely and long (3 days off, plus a weekend! Luxury!) and we went to Pensacola and there, at Mom and Dad's, is where I feel comfortable and secure, and also able to be lazy (sorry, Shawn). And cousins. I had such fun letting our kids play with Tom and Dominique's kids, and they all just adore each other. It's hard to leave all that fun.
But my malaise is more than just post-vaca blues, because before the break, I'd had an annual performance review with a new manager who is more critical than my previous manager. She did me in with the "Needs Improvement"s. Sad face. When I see my Outlook calendar or my to-do list, I'm left with a really low, dejected spot in my mind, and uninterested in implementing any resulting goals. It's the opposite of what I think I'm supposed to feel, which is "Motivated and Enthusiastic to do Better, and be more Awesome!" Don't get me wrong, she applauded me on ... one or two things.
Scratch that -- you can go ahead and get me wrong. I guess I've always been a top student and not getting an A hurts a bit. A lot. (Even though I wasn't that surprised by the review, and during it, I didn't get emotional or even argue anything. It's just that 4 or 5 days later, it's starting to sting.)
Anyway, on top of that delightfulness, there are many, many new and Very Important projects. Ideas that people come up with, that they never manage to think all the way through. Or follow up about. But they manage to send me an email with an ACTION item. And they needed it yesterday.
I guess if I combine the two problems -- goal malaise plus things that need following-through-on -- I could come out on top, by bringing some things to fruition and thus looking awesome.
But blogging and Twitter and online shopping all seem like a lot more fun to me right at this moment.
But my malaise is more than just post-vaca blues, because before the break, I'd had an annual performance review with a new manager who is more critical than my previous manager. She did me in with the "Needs Improvement"s. Sad face. When I see my Outlook calendar or my to-do list, I'm left with a really low, dejected spot in my mind, and uninterested in implementing any resulting goals. It's the opposite of what I think I'm supposed to feel, which is "Motivated and Enthusiastic to do Better, and be more Awesome!" Don't get me wrong, she applauded me on ... one or two things.
Scratch that -- you can go ahead and get me wrong. I guess I've always been a top student and not getting an A hurts a bit. A lot. (Even though I wasn't that surprised by the review, and during it, I didn't get emotional or even argue anything. It's just that 4 or 5 days later, it's starting to sting.)
Anyway, on top of that delightfulness, there are many, many new and Very Important projects. Ideas that people come up with, that they never manage to think all the way through. Or follow up about. But they manage to send me an email with an ACTION item. And they needed it yesterday.
I guess if I combine the two problems -- goal malaise plus things that need following-through-on -- I could come out on top, by bringing some things to fruition and thus looking awesome.
But blogging and Twitter and online shopping all seem like a lot more fun to me right at this moment.
Friday, November 14
Of all the days
Of all the days for our furnace to not be working...
It's the downstairs furnace, and we've already had it checked once. The guy said there was a sensor that was a little dirty, so it wasn't sensing the right temp and therefore the heat wasn't kicking on. We thought, "Oh, okay, all fixed, thank you!" and it's been working fine now all week. Shawn even installed our very own Nest thermostat, which you can control via an app on your phone, and it's pretty awesome. But last night the temperature decided to get down to GULP! Wait, is it November? degrees, and we couldn't get the downstairs heat to come on at all.
The only good thing about that is I am pretty sure I can convince Shawn to build us a fire in the fireplace tonight.
I do love winter weather, actually. And this week has been amazing with fall color -- it had to be the peak of the season.
On tap this weekend: Kate has two birthday parties to attend, I'm making chili for the family of the boy with brain cancer (update: he's halfway through his radiation treatments and doing chemo, as well), and other than that, it's a clean house kind of weekend!
It's the downstairs furnace, and we've already had it checked once. The guy said there was a sensor that was a little dirty, so it wasn't sensing the right temp and therefore the heat wasn't kicking on. We thought, "Oh, okay, all fixed, thank you!" and it's been working fine now all week. Shawn even installed our very own Nest thermostat, which you can control via an app on your phone, and it's pretty awesome. But last night the temperature decided to get down to GULP! Wait, is it November? degrees, and we couldn't get the downstairs heat to come on at all.
The only good thing about that is I am pretty sure I can convince Shawn to build us a fire in the fireplace tonight.
I do love winter weather, actually. And this week has been amazing with fall color -- it had to be the peak of the season.
On tap this weekend: Kate has two birthday parties to attend, I'm making chili for the family of the boy with brain cancer (update: he's halfway through his radiation treatments and doing chemo, as well), and other than that, it's a clean house kind of weekend!
Friday, November 7
6 Quick Takes (no time for 7)
I think Mom & Dad probably worry a little when I don't post for more than a week. Everything's fine, though - just busy. :)
Let's do this in the ol' Seven Quick Takes format:
1. I almost started a blog post the other day, when I got my weekly "Prayer Team" email from the parish. (I joined the "prayer team," which they call "Prayer Warriors," which I kind-of strongly dislike.) There was a request that said, and I quote, "For a family who has problem [sic] with bees in one room of their house; pray that the pest control company will be able to get rid of the bees."
"Really? We're praying about bees?!" I thought. Meanwhile, the choir director who needs a kidney was not on the list. (I mean, he's on the general prayer list of course, but I was offended on his behalf, and also.... bees.) I don't know, I guess if I had bees in my house I wouldn't be too pleased, but I am fairly certain I wouldn't call up the parish office and ask for it to be put on the PRAYER list. What the heck.
2. Yeah, so the choir director -- MY choir director, my FRIEND -- needs a kidney translplant and donation. He had heart surgery 2 years ago, and it went okay but there was a coma and some complications and ever since, his kidneys have not been doing well. He'd been put on The List - the national transplant list - a long while back, but in October, his doctor told him that it was worse than they thought, and he needs a translplant ASAP. He's been fitted with a catheter for home dialysis, and he flat-out asked the choir to consider donating. He also went home to visit family, and I'm hopeful that a cousin or something will be moved to donate, one, because even cousins have a better genetic match probability, and two, that takes the pressure off.
Because also: He's O+, and so am I (pretty sure)... and he needs a kidney that's less than 63 years old, which counts out the vast majority of my fellow choir members.
I've been struggling with this.
Immediately when he asked, I thought to myself, "This could be your big gift to the world." I don't know why I thought that. It feels right to at least consider it -- I mean, how terrible would I feel if no one does offer a kidney, and he died? Here I sit, very healthy and only (only!) 40! I could likely get through a surgery just fine. I mean, yes, it opens the donor up for possible complications and all. And that's why anyone would hesitate. But then an evil little corner of my mind even whispered, "You could get a break! Time off work because you had a major surgery." I don't know why I would even tell anyone that, but... Well. Barring that stupidity -- from what I've read, the recipient's insurance pays for it. And he's a friend. I'd hate for him to think his friends WOULDN'T donate a kidney for him. How unloved would you feel?
It's really eating at me. Monsignor put a notice in the bulletin, as well, so I'm hopeful that someone else is braver, faster than me. I wonder how much time we actually have. Please put ME on the prayer list (right after the bees).
3. How weird would it be for your kidney to be in someone else's body, on the other side of the piano where you rehearse together every week? Hi, kidney! Truly weird. I'm not trying to be funny, even. I really think that would be surreal.
4. One of the reasons I hopped on here was to put some ideas for Christmas gifts out there in the world, so I don't forget them and also to help some of the family members who read this blog who might want ideas. :)
For A & K, we've already bought one big gift. Haven't decided yet if it's going to be from The Jolly Old Elf or from the parents, but it's a Disney Infinity game for the Xbox, and a couple of extra characters. (look it up). We also have a nice case for trading cards for Alex.
For Kate, I want to get some crafty things, like a Spool Loom, or some needlepoint or cross-stitch. She seems to really like those kinds of things and I loved them, too, when I was about her age. I think, too, she needs things like that to develop her focusing skills.
I haven't yet asked them what their "wants" are, but Kate busted out with "I don't want to ask for anything this year; I don't want to seem greedy," and shocked us all. Pleasantly, but still. I think they want that little robot dog, the Zoomer? Or a real dog, I think....ooooh, Honey.... ?.... or no, maybe not.... not yet in our new house.
5. I'm not afraid of being greedy: I would like a new bathrobe, a Pioneer Woman cookbook, some Kirkland's giftcards, the Mitford series (read 'em years ago but don't have them anymore), a book by Cary Elwes (the actor) called As You Wish, and the Princess Bride movie to go with it, sweaters, boots (size 7), socks... See? Plenty of ideas.
6. Shawn, feel free to chime in, in the comments, with some things that you promise not to buy for yourself before December 26th. :) xo! (and Mom, you too!)
Let's do this in the ol' Seven Quick Takes format:
1. I almost started a blog post the other day, when I got my weekly "Prayer Team" email from the parish. (I joined the "prayer team," which they call "Prayer Warriors," which I kind-of strongly dislike.) There was a request that said, and I quote, "For a family who has problem [sic] with bees in one room of their house; pray that the pest control company will be able to get rid of the bees."
"Really? We're praying about bees?!" I thought. Meanwhile, the choir director who needs a kidney was not on the list. (I mean, he's on the general prayer list of course, but I was offended on his behalf, and also.... bees.) I don't know, I guess if I had bees in my house I wouldn't be too pleased, but I am fairly certain I wouldn't call up the parish office and ask for it to be put on the PRAYER list. What the heck.
2. Yeah, so the choir director -- MY choir director, my FRIEND -- needs a kidney translplant and donation. He had heart surgery 2 years ago, and it went okay but there was a coma and some complications and ever since, his kidneys have not been doing well. He'd been put on The List - the national transplant list - a long while back, but in October, his doctor told him that it was worse than they thought, and he needs a translplant ASAP. He's been fitted with a catheter for home dialysis, and he flat-out asked the choir to consider donating. He also went home to visit family, and I'm hopeful that a cousin or something will be moved to donate, one, because even cousins have a better genetic match probability, and two, that takes the pressure off.
Because also: He's O+, and so am I (pretty sure)... and he needs a kidney that's less than 63 years old, which counts out the vast majority of my fellow choir members.
I've been struggling with this.
Immediately when he asked, I thought to myself, "This could be your big gift to the world." I don't know why I thought that. It feels right to at least consider it -- I mean, how terrible would I feel if no one does offer a kidney, and he died? Here I sit, very healthy and only (only!) 40! I could likely get through a surgery just fine. I mean, yes, it opens the donor up for possible complications and all. And that's why anyone would hesitate. But then an evil little corner of my mind even whispered, "You could get a break! Time off work because you had a major surgery." I don't know why I would even tell anyone that, but... Well. Barring that stupidity -- from what I've read, the recipient's insurance pays for it. And he's a friend. I'd hate for him to think his friends WOULDN'T donate a kidney for him. How unloved would you feel?
It's really eating at me. Monsignor put a notice in the bulletin, as well, so I'm hopeful that someone else is braver, faster than me. I wonder how much time we actually have. Please put ME on the prayer list (right after the bees).
3. How weird would it be for your kidney to be in someone else's body, on the other side of the piano where you rehearse together every week? Hi, kidney! Truly weird. I'm not trying to be funny, even. I really think that would be surreal.
4. One of the reasons I hopped on here was to put some ideas for Christmas gifts out there in the world, so I don't forget them and also to help some of the family members who read this blog who might want ideas. :)
For A & K, we've already bought one big gift. Haven't decided yet if it's going to be from The Jolly Old Elf or from the parents, but it's a Disney Infinity game for the Xbox, and a couple of extra characters. (look it up). We also have a nice case for trading cards for Alex.
For Kate, I want to get some crafty things, like a Spool Loom, or some needlepoint or cross-stitch. She seems to really like those kinds of things and I loved them, too, when I was about her age. I think, too, she needs things like that to develop her focusing skills.
I haven't yet asked them what their "wants" are, but Kate busted out with "I don't want to ask for anything this year; I don't want to seem greedy," and shocked us all. Pleasantly, but still. I think they want that little robot dog, the Zoomer? Or a real dog, I think....ooooh, Honey.... ?.... or no, maybe not.... not yet in our new house.
5. I'm not afraid of being greedy: I would like a new bathrobe, a Pioneer Woman cookbook, some Kirkland's giftcards, the Mitford series (read 'em years ago but don't have them anymore), a book by Cary Elwes (the actor) called As You Wish, and the Princess Bride movie to go with it, sweaters, boots (size 7), socks... See? Plenty of ideas.
6. Shawn, feel free to chime in, in the comments, with some things that you promise not to buy for yourself before December 26th. :) xo! (and Mom, you too!)
Tuesday, October 28
Mad (both meanings)
Ooooh, something happened earlier at work that SET ME OFF and I vented to my coworker very loudly about it! I'm still feeling the heartrate increase and it's been at least an hour. I think all the same drama/stress (firings and hirings, and lots of attitudes and me still feeling undirected and underappreciated, in a small company) that's been squashed down over the last few weeks just finally had to get out. Normally I just type my little typings, do my thing, head down. Get the work done and get out of there. But today, man. Watch out.
;)
Why are so many workplaces so stupid??
I wasn't sure how we were going to manage this past weekend's family schedule, but we did it. Multiple Saturday sleepovers and cross-town birthday parties for the kids to attend, a party for the adults (Shawn and I made our appearance but could hardly wait to leave it, sadly), and a fun concert on Friday night (Capital Cities in downtown ATL) kept us going in high-gear until Saturday around 9:00pm. I got changed into my comfy pants and basically went to bed right then. I was d.o.n.e. Slept until 8:00 am on Sunday, and weirdly, or maybe not weirdly, I was even more tired Sunday afternoon. Like, HEAVY tired.
So THIS weekend, if we were smarter, would be long, lazy days at home with nothing to do. Unfortunately, that is not how it's going to be. Tra-la! We're in the thick of fall! Shawn and Alex (and Brandon) leave for their Scout camping trip early Saturday morning. Right on their tails the same morning, Kate and I must attend a 5K fundraiser for my job. I want to look forward to it -- a chance to be outside and walk, casually, in one of my favorite spots in town -- but it's supposed to be 30-something degrees out and it's the day after Halloween! Blerg!! NOT optimal timing. And then in the evening, Kate sings with the choir at Mass, AND she wants a friend to spend the night, too. YEESH. Speaking of which, I'd better get off here so I can email the mom.
But maybe after THAT, on Sunday, I will be free to rest (ha) or do something *I* want to do. Like decorating the guest room a little. Maybe.
What things are you doing this fall?
;)
Why are so many workplaces so stupid??
I wasn't sure how we were going to manage this past weekend's family schedule, but we did it. Multiple Saturday sleepovers and cross-town birthday parties for the kids to attend, a party for the adults (Shawn and I made our appearance but could hardly wait to leave it, sadly), and a fun concert on Friday night (Capital Cities in downtown ATL) kept us going in high-gear until Saturday around 9:00pm. I got changed into my comfy pants and basically went to bed right then. I was d.o.n.e. Slept until 8:00 am on Sunday, and weirdly, or maybe not weirdly, I was even more tired Sunday afternoon. Like, HEAVY tired.
So THIS weekend, if we were smarter, would be long, lazy days at home with nothing to do. Unfortunately, that is not how it's going to be. Tra-la! We're in the thick of fall! Shawn and Alex (and Brandon) leave for their Scout camping trip early Saturday morning. Right on their tails the same morning, Kate and I must attend a 5K fundraiser for my job. I want to look forward to it -- a chance to be outside and walk, casually, in one of my favorite spots in town -- but it's supposed to be 30-something degrees out and it's the day after Halloween! Blerg!! NOT optimal timing. And then in the evening, Kate sings with the choir at Mass, AND she wants a friend to spend the night, too. YEESH. Speaking of which, I'd better get off here so I can email the mom.
But maybe after THAT, on Sunday, I will be free to rest (ha) or do something *I* want to do. Like decorating the guest room a little. Maybe.
What things are you doing this fall?
Wednesday, October 15
Quickie updates...
I have removed 6 pounds from my person! Well, 5.9 truthfully. But we're going to say 6 because: Hooray, and my Old Navy grey pants fit again! They'd been relegated to the back of the closet for a GOOD WHILE there.
I told Mom: If anyone asks me, "How did you lose weight?" I'll just say, "Oh, I was just hungry all the time." That's the truth. I haven't gotten to the point where I want to eat vegetables to fill up. I'd just rather not eat. I mean, the little snack-size containers of sugar-free applesauce and diced peaches have been a saving grace -- and bananas, I can't get enough bananas -- but broccoli? Salad? Not interested. I miss wine, too, but not willing to spend the calories on it the last few weeks if it's going to mess up my progress. Mayyyybe, if I add in exercise (I REALLY need to add that into the equation), I'll add a glass of wine back in, too.
And on the AJ grows up front: Recording in the 'baby-book' that I left him at home alone yesterday (on purpose) for the first time. :) So big. He was there about 45 minutes between when I took Kate to gymnastics and Shawn got home from work. Kind-of a freedom, for him and for me. But a strange-feeling freedom!
I told Mom: If anyone asks me, "How did you lose weight?" I'll just say, "Oh, I was just hungry all the time." That's the truth. I haven't gotten to the point where I want to eat vegetables to fill up. I'd just rather not eat. I mean, the little snack-size containers of sugar-free applesauce and diced peaches have been a saving grace -- and bananas, I can't get enough bananas -- but broccoli? Salad? Not interested. I miss wine, too, but not willing to spend the calories on it the last few weeks if it's going to mess up my progress. Mayyyybe, if I add in exercise (I REALLY need to add that into the equation), I'll add a glass of wine back in, too.
And on the AJ grows up front: Recording in the 'baby-book' that I left him at home alone yesterday (on purpose) for the first time. :) So big. He was there about 45 minutes between when I took Kate to gymnastics and Shawn got home from work. Kind-of a freedom, for him and for me. But a strange-feeling freedom!
Tuesday, October 14
Blog love and AJ love
I just love this blog. I was re-reading posts from the "grumpy pants" category this morning, heh. Poor 4-year-old AJ. He was trouble back then, I had forgotten! That was before I complained about Kate's behavior full-time! AJ is sometimes still trouble now, though not often. When he is, it is ugly -- kicking and stomping in his upstairs bedroom. Eek. It's hard to know how to handle it; on one hand, I feel like as long as he's not destroying things, he can vent in this way.... but it sometimes SOUNDS like he's destroying things. Particularly MY NEW HOUSE. Doors, walls. On the other hand, dude, you're TEN, come on. He would feel like a real jerk if he actually did kick a hole in a wall, and he'd be so remorseful and sad, I don't know what I would do. Kid does have a big heart for wanting to please/be perfect. Once, I sent him outside to the backyard to have his temper tantrum, and he did -- rolled around on the grass and everything. I admit I snickered at him from the window inside (he didn't see me). Volatile emotions, I tell you.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I love having the blog to go back and remember things by -- even the grumpy days. And I miss little AJ. My 10-year-old Alex is starting to do some of that pulling away that I know bigger kids do. Not like, going out on his own with his friends, obviously, but just needing us less. There are still cuddles on the couch sometimes, and morning hugs and nighttime tuck-ins. I treasure that he's still asking me, so sweetly, to please read with him before he goes to sleep (after I put Kate to bed). He'll hand me the book in his hands and snuggle down to let me read to him for a few minutes. Last night it was Shel Silverstein. The kid gets me.
He's grown in the past year. His annual check-up is next week and I need DH to take good notes on height/weight, so we can see for sure. He's still the smallest one in the class, but there are a few kids who aren't much taller than he - he's caught up quite a bit. He's lost only 4 teeth. Kate's lost 5. He's embarrassed by that, I think, and dying for the current loose one to come out, but he won't wiggle it like we always tell him to. The adult tooth is already coming in, he says.
He eats pretty well. He eats hamburgers, tacos (ate three tacos last night, plus finished the taco meat with Scoops tortilla chips), lasagna, spaghetti, chicken of all types -- says his favorite food is chicken, which cracks me up (what about pizza?!) -- loooooooves broccoli, eats green beans and snow peas, loves chili, tuna casserole, sloppy joes... still doesn't really do seafood. Haven't tried gumbo this fall, but maybe soon. There's a cold front coming through right now and once the weather's cool.... yummy.
He got invited to enroll in the Duke University TIP program. I plan to register him this week and I hope he'll like it. There's a book club and a writing contest and those two things alone should entice him. :) He still thinks he wants to be a writer when he grows up.
We quit jiu jitsu last year, for a variety of reasons -- mostly that his interest level was at zero. He's still doing Cub Scouts but has pretty much checked out of that, too. We're not sure he'll continue to Boy Scouts and we're leaving the choice up to him. We desperately need to get him set up with piano lessons -- that is what he says he wants to try. And his trading cards. We're not worried that he'll turn into one of those Magic the Gathering kids -- they're usually smart, introspective types, after all -- just that he'll spend all his teenager free-time wearing black at comic book store back-room tournaments, like this place called The Raven's Nest. Or speaking Elvish or some such.
He's a great kid.
* * * * * * *
Lately (this is going to sound somewhat "DUH"), my mind has given me a new way to deal with not really loving my job/workplace, and that is by thinking about the goodness of my/our life as a whole, giant circle, and thinking of the work part as SUCH a small part of that. It really is. Insignificant, really, although I do give myself a pass because as the saying goes, the days are long. I still don't like the fact that a good chunk of my weekdays are spent sitting in that cubicle, but when I back out of the cube in my mind, and look at it from afar... meh. It's nothing. It's not worth my getting so "grumpy pants" all the time. I don't know why it's taken me this long to come to that realization. I expect I'll have to continue coming to it.
Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I love having the blog to go back and remember things by -- even the grumpy days. And I miss little AJ. My 10-year-old Alex is starting to do some of that pulling away that I know bigger kids do. Not like, going out on his own with his friends, obviously, but just needing us less. There are still cuddles on the couch sometimes, and morning hugs and nighttime tuck-ins. I treasure that he's still asking me, so sweetly, to please read with him before he goes to sleep (after I put Kate to bed). He'll hand me the book in his hands and snuggle down to let me read to him for a few minutes. Last night it was Shel Silverstein. The kid gets me.
He's grown in the past year. His annual check-up is next week and I need DH to take good notes on height/weight, so we can see for sure. He's still the smallest one in the class, but there are a few kids who aren't much taller than he - he's caught up quite a bit. He's lost only 4 teeth. Kate's lost 5. He's embarrassed by that, I think, and dying for the current loose one to come out, but he won't wiggle it like we always tell him to. The adult tooth is already coming in, he says.
He eats pretty well. He eats hamburgers, tacos (ate three tacos last night, plus finished the taco meat with Scoops tortilla chips), lasagna, spaghetti, chicken of all types -- says his favorite food is chicken, which cracks me up (what about pizza?!) -- loooooooves broccoli, eats green beans and snow peas, loves chili, tuna casserole, sloppy joes... still doesn't really do seafood. Haven't tried gumbo this fall, but maybe soon. There's a cold front coming through right now and once the weather's cool.... yummy.
He got invited to enroll in the Duke University TIP program. I plan to register him this week and I hope he'll like it. There's a book club and a writing contest and those two things alone should entice him. :) He still thinks he wants to be a writer when he grows up.
We quit jiu jitsu last year, for a variety of reasons -- mostly that his interest level was at zero. He's still doing Cub Scouts but has pretty much checked out of that, too. We're not sure he'll continue to Boy Scouts and we're leaving the choice up to him. We desperately need to get him set up with piano lessons -- that is what he says he wants to try. And his trading cards. We're not worried that he'll turn into one of those Magic the Gathering kids -- they're usually smart, introspective types, after all -- just that he'll spend all his teenager free-time wearing black at comic book store back-room tournaments, like this place called The Raven's Nest. Or speaking Elvish or some such.
He's a great kid.
* * * * * * *
Lately (this is going to sound somewhat "DUH"), my mind has given me a new way to deal with not really loving my job/workplace, and that is by thinking about the goodness of my/our life as a whole, giant circle, and thinking of the work part as SUCH a small part of that. It really is. Insignificant, really, although I do give myself a pass because as the saying goes, the days are long. I still don't like the fact that a good chunk of my weekdays are spent sitting in that cubicle, but when I back out of the cube in my mind, and look at it from afar... meh. It's nothing. It's not worth my getting so "grumpy pants" all the time. I don't know why it's taken me this long to come to that realization. I expect I'll have to continue coming to it.
Thursday, October 9
We help because we're part of the family
I just read a post by Caroline at Some Pig and it sparked a topic that has been on my mind, but I've not written about it. Mostly because I'm always too busy whining to have anything as planned-out or well-executed as a TOPIC. Pshaw! Topics.
Anyway, the topic is chores, or in a kinder, gentler tone: Helping around the house.
There's a memory deep in my brain, about being over at a childhood friend's house (Nikki) and having to follow behind her while she dusted one Saturday morning. Her mother required that she do the dusting, and she wasn't complaining about it, just already responsible enough to do it (or... she may have been threatened enough by her parents, I'm unsure). I felt a little weird about because she didn't necessarily want me to help her, she just had to get it done before we could go ride our bikes or jump on the trampoline or whatever. We couldn't have been more than 8 or 9.
I had chores, too, like making my bed (I think) and, as I always tell Kate and Alex, pulling weeds in the yard. Weed-pulling wasn't a daily or weekly thing, though, and making the bed, setting the table.... I never really felt a working pressure to do them. It seems like we had a chore chart at some point. We didn't get allowance, and maybe that's one difference, but in general I knew I was supposed to help around the house. Cleaning up our rooms and our closets was a big one, too, as I recall.
Anyway, we're trying to instill some kind of "helping" mindset in our kids with mixed success. Alex's main chore, for allowance, is that he collects the upstairs and incidental garbage every week. This year I've added "putting away clean clothes" to Alex's list -- I just put them on his bed and he's expected to put them in the drawers neatly.
Kate's first chore was wiping off the table after dinner (she never could stick to that one). Lately it has unofficially become setting the table for dinner. She really likes helping with all the aspects of dinner prep and sometimes I'm even grateful.
They're also supposed to put their backpacks on the hooks (or at least remove them from the middle of the kitchen floor), help me when I'm bringing in groceries, clear their plates after meals, brush teeth, and get dressed... but I don't think of those as chores as much as good citizenry.
I think it's been a gentle, easy progression into doing some work around the house, and I do like that they feel they're "earning" their allowance (we're still at $2.50/week for Alex (age 10) and $1.25/week for Kate (6) -- I don't know if it's too much or too little, but for me it's about learning to earn/save/spend wisely. We still have much work to do there!). We have frequent battles about who's responsible for taking shoes/toys/junk upstairs to their own rooms, and "we all help because we're all part of this family" often needs declaring. I *think* they're getting it, overall, but sometimes attitudes and results tell me otherwise.
An idea percolating to help with the concept, that Swistle incidentally brought up just today, is to spend an hour on a weekend day with everyone cleaning together. Because let me tell you: One thing that stresses Mama out is all the cleaning that piles up during our busy weeks, that has to be done on the weekends. Like scrubbing down bathrooms, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen counters, and dusting. Shawn almost always does the dusting and vacuuming, and I typically handle kitchens and bathrooms, but I'm thinking it's about time we SHARE THE FUN with the kids. Those are time-consuming tasks and we could get them done faster by working together. Maybe (ha)... Maybe after one good training session... I bet Alex could wield the vacuum. Kate already likes Windexing mirrors and even sweeping under the kitchen table... Maybe there would be an extra couple of dollars tacked onto their allowances for completing the whole hour. Hmmmmm.
Anyway, the topic is chores, or in a kinder, gentler tone: Helping around the house.
There's a memory deep in my brain, about being over at a childhood friend's house (Nikki) and having to follow behind her while she dusted one Saturday morning. Her mother required that she do the dusting, and she wasn't complaining about it, just already responsible enough to do it (or... she may have been threatened enough by her parents, I'm unsure). I felt a little weird about because she didn't necessarily want me to help her, she just had to get it done before we could go ride our bikes or jump on the trampoline or whatever. We couldn't have been more than 8 or 9.
I had chores, too, like making my bed (I think) and, as I always tell Kate and Alex, pulling weeds in the yard. Weed-pulling wasn't a daily or weekly thing, though, and making the bed, setting the table.... I never really felt a working pressure to do them. It seems like we had a chore chart at some point. We didn't get allowance, and maybe that's one difference, but in general I knew I was supposed to help around the house. Cleaning up our rooms and our closets was a big one, too, as I recall.
Anyway, we're trying to instill some kind of "helping" mindset in our kids with mixed success. Alex's main chore, for allowance, is that he collects the upstairs and incidental garbage every week. This year I've added "putting away clean clothes" to Alex's list -- I just put them on his bed and he's expected to put them in the drawers neatly.
Kate's first chore was wiping off the table after dinner (she never could stick to that one). Lately it has unofficially become setting the table for dinner. She really likes helping with all the aspects of dinner prep and sometimes I'm even grateful.
They're also supposed to put their backpacks on the hooks (or at least remove them from the middle of the kitchen floor), help me when I'm bringing in groceries, clear their plates after meals, brush teeth, and get dressed... but I don't think of those as chores as much as good citizenry.
I think it's been a gentle, easy progression into doing some work around the house, and I do like that they feel they're "earning" their allowance (we're still at $2.50/week for Alex (age 10) and $1.25/week for Kate (6) -- I don't know if it's too much or too little, but for me it's about learning to earn/save/spend wisely. We still have much work to do there!). We have frequent battles about who's responsible for taking shoes/toys/junk upstairs to their own rooms, and "we all help because we're all part of this family" often needs declaring. I *think* they're getting it, overall, but sometimes attitudes and results tell me otherwise.
An idea percolating to help with the concept, that Swistle incidentally brought up just today, is to spend an hour on a weekend day with everyone cleaning together. Because let me tell you: One thing that stresses Mama out is all the cleaning that piles up during our busy weeks, that has to be done on the weekends. Like scrubbing down bathrooms, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen counters, and dusting. Shawn almost always does the dusting and vacuuming, and I typically handle kitchens and bathrooms, but I'm thinking it's about time we SHARE THE FUN with the kids. Those are time-consuming tasks and we could get them done faster by working together. Maybe (ha)... Maybe after one good training session... I bet Alex could wield the vacuum. Kate already likes Windexing mirrors and even sweeping under the kitchen table... Maybe there would be an extra couple of dollars tacked onto their allowances for completing the whole hour. Hmmmmm.
Thursday, October 2
Email Eliz. and other random things
I left a note in my work To-Do notebook last Friday afternoon: "Email Eliz." -- with the check-box-shaped bullet point I use to indicate tasks.
Monday, and still today, I have no idea who "Eliz." is, or what she needs from me in an email. I really don't. There is no Elizabeth in my immediate circle, and no one I can think of in my work circle. Mystery!
The mind is strange, I tell you, and getting older is even stranger.
* * * * *
We had a delightful weekend, with Mom and Dad arriving Friday afternoon to celebrate Mom's birthday. They are so good and generous to drive up here for us. They think it's a gift to themselves, to come see their grandkids, but it's really a gift to Shawn and me. I truly, truly wish we had more time to drive to THEIR house for regular visits, but we have to just be, and accept what is. So we can't go there as often as we would like. That is the reality, and it's okay. So I'm just grateful that in their retirement, they don't mind a weekend road trip or four, per year. :) We talked about Thanksgiving, and I think we'll go to Pensacola then, so I'm happy about that. It will be a luxurious three-and-a-half days there, something so precious and rare.
We celebrated with a new (to them) Mexican restaurant and a very lime-y guacamole on Friday night.... and crashing on the couch later.... then with a lazy, gray Saturday (well, lazy after doing a quick volunteer job at school, and excluding Shawn, who had busy Cub Scout duty).... a Cajun dinner out with Uncle Jim and loud music and so much fooooooood..... and crashing on the couch later..... and then Sunday Mass with a Mozart solo I was proud of, and happy to be able to share with my Most Importants.... and some shopping, just the girls. Shopping is fun and I don't do it often enough. We didn't even venture into any grown-up ladies' stores, only Gymboree, since Kate was determined to have a new outfit by the end of the outing. We did have fun in the Yankee Candle store, as well.
What I remember about shopping with Mom when I was Kate's age, is the grown-up stores. Mom trying on things in the fitting rooms. And then, going to the kids' sections and trying on clothes. Kate doesn't do much of that yet. I can be pretty sure that the 5s or 6s will fit her. But someday, we'll do more shopping, and do it right. And have a latte afterwards. :)
Oh, and one other milestone, we had our first meal and birthday cake in our new house's dining room. I was happy about that, and so happy that it was spacious! No squeeeeeezing around the table like we used to in our old house! Plenty of space to move out a chair, sit down, get up to grab something from the kitchen, take photos...! Dining room is christened!
* * * * *
Today (Thursday) I'm fighting a cold, ugh. How luxurious and wonderful it would be to take a sick day, and fight a cold from my bed, using my new book (Jodi Piccoult's The Storyteller) and several naps as my effective weapons. Sigh. Do people my age do that anymore, ever?
I guess DayQuil is effective, too.
Monday, and still today, I have no idea who "Eliz." is, or what she needs from me in an email. I really don't. There is no Elizabeth in my immediate circle, and no one I can think of in my work circle. Mystery!
The mind is strange, I tell you, and getting older is even stranger.
* * * * *
We had a delightful weekend, with Mom and Dad arriving Friday afternoon to celebrate Mom's birthday. They are so good and generous to drive up here for us. They think it's a gift to themselves, to come see their grandkids, but it's really a gift to Shawn and me. I truly, truly wish we had more time to drive to THEIR house for regular visits, but we have to just be, and accept what is. So we can't go there as often as we would like. That is the reality, and it's okay. So I'm just grateful that in their retirement, they don't mind a weekend road trip or four, per year. :) We talked about Thanksgiving, and I think we'll go to Pensacola then, so I'm happy about that. It will be a luxurious three-and-a-half days there, something so precious and rare.
We celebrated with a new (to them) Mexican restaurant and a very lime-y guacamole on Friday night.... and crashing on the couch later.... then with a lazy, gray Saturday (well, lazy after doing a quick volunteer job at school, and excluding Shawn, who had busy Cub Scout duty).... a Cajun dinner out with Uncle Jim and loud music and so much fooooooood..... and crashing on the couch later..... and then Sunday Mass with a Mozart solo I was proud of, and happy to be able to share with my Most Importants.... and some shopping, just the girls. Shopping is fun and I don't do it often enough. We didn't even venture into any grown-up ladies' stores, only Gymboree, since Kate was determined to have a new outfit by the end of the outing. We did have fun in the Yankee Candle store, as well.
What I remember about shopping with Mom when I was Kate's age, is the grown-up stores. Mom trying on things in the fitting rooms. And then, going to the kids' sections and trying on clothes. Kate doesn't do much of that yet. I can be pretty sure that the 5s or 6s will fit her. But someday, we'll do more shopping, and do it right. And have a latte afterwards. :)
Oh, and one other milestone, we had our first meal and birthday cake in our new house's dining room. I was happy about that, and so happy that it was spacious! No squeeeeeezing around the table like we used to in our old house! Plenty of space to move out a chair, sit down, get up to grab something from the kitchen, take photos...! Dining room is christened!
* * * * *
Today (Thursday) I'm fighting a cold, ugh. How luxurious and wonderful it would be to take a sick day, and fight a cold from my bed, using my new book (Jodi Piccoult's The Storyteller) and several naps as my effective weapons. Sigh. Do people my age do that anymore, ever?
I guess DayQuil is effective, too.
Tuesday, September 16
Learning from others
Last Wednesday, we learned that very unexpectedly, a child in our Scout Pack was having brain surgery. Just like that. Headaches, MRI, brain surgery. I was a bit of a mess that day. (I'd already been reading/watching some of the 9/11 memorial stuff, then this hit my inbox.) I don't know the child very well at all, and I barely know the parents, but we know them. They're in our circle, we know each others' names and kids' names. I know they're good people. And the thought of what they were going through that day... a 6-hour surgery... a neurosurgeon, of all things... it stopped my breath several times while I was trying to work and be a good employee.
The surgery went well and they'll probably be released today. They haven't gotten pathology results on the golf-ball-sized tumor (!) that was removed from his cerebellum, or at least they haven't shared those results on caringbridge.org yet. But I am praying for them constantly. Thinking of them. Give them strength. Help them get through today. What a life-changing week they've had. Every time I pictured it last week, my mind managed to put me in that hospital waiting room, because What if? And thank God, no, but what IF. Frightens and saddens me to the core.
So there's been a bit of perspective around here lately. Another friend, I learned, has become a grandmother. I knew her 21-year-old daughter was pregnant but didn't realize baby had been born. And evidently there is enough friction that my friend has told the daughter she won't help, that the baby would be better off if she gave it up for adoption. I'm floored by this. That is an awful lot of pain, to be able to say that. I think about the girl, postpartum without help from her Mom. Whom does she ask when she has questions about how warm to make the bottle? If it's okay if the baby sleeps with her? If it's okay to not shower for a day or two? I'm considering trying to find out her phone number and just offer something. This is a girl that babysat Alex a couple of times when she was in high school. I thought she was very sweet. But there was rebellion, and trouble. Her mother never gave her a chance; wrote her off the minute she began misbehaving. (The baby's father has left, I think.) I don't understand and can't fathom.
And I read a book about a guy from my high school who was paralyzed at age 19, and has been wheelchair-bound ever since.
Sorry to be a downer. Everything is fine. I've been gifted with some real examples of, If these are my problems, my problems are nothing.
Wednesday, September 10
Grateful and lighter
First week of [whisper] Weight Watchers was a success; weigh-in was this morning. Well, done, Me! I resisted the cheese dip that is in my fridge (bought the week before I decided to do this). I resisted the Dove dark chocolate squares in my desk drawer at work. I had peanut butter on toast when I was hungry one night, instead of something stupid yummy mindless. It is indeed possible to succeed on a diet, you just have to eat less. Imagine that. I don't know, I feel good but also kinda dumb for not being able to realize this every other time before. Money talks, I guess.
Our weekend was nice, except for a bummer of a restaurant pick Friday night. We're still experimenting with our new location, you know? Bad news is, we haven't found anything amazing except the brunch place. This was a bar-type place. I had a salmon salad, supremely boring. I wanted wings with blue cheese. I did have one of Shawn's wings, and in fact it was too salty, hence the thumbs-down review. Does anyone care about this paragraph? No.
We went to Mass on Sunday morning -- my choir's first Mass of the school year. When I arrived, I stopped at the "time and talent" tables to say hi to a friend, then inside, I ran into my high school buddy, Alex, who lives in town and, lo and behold, attends our church. His last name and mine were right next to each other on all the rosters, so we frequently had lockers and homerooms together, all those years ago. What fun to see him. While talking to him, three different people came up behind me and wanted to say hi or share a hug. I felt FULL with friendship - just the way it's supposed to be. I love that. And then, after a dismal pre-game rehearsal that convinced me we were going to sing a whole step flat all morning, we pulled off an a cappella anthem, and ended it PERFECTLY in tune, in the right key. Amazing.
After that it was football-watching time, and a nail-biter for the Falcons! I mostly sat and enjoyed the game and my Diet Pepsi. Only had to attend to Kate once, really -- she and Alex played and watched Scooby Doo in the other room, occupied with other kids. Bliss! This coming Sunday the family who hosted is coming to our house -- our first non-family, actual party-attending guests! I'm making chili. I'm debating letting Kate have a girly friend over at the same time, since the football friends only have two teenage boys.
What more can we ask for? A relaxing weekend, time with friends and family, love of God displayed ...? Nothing! Well, maybe just a delicious place to eat dinner. ;)
Our weekend was nice, except for a bummer of a restaurant pick Friday night. We're still experimenting with our new location, you know? Bad news is, we haven't found anything amazing except the brunch place. This was a bar-type place. I had a salmon salad, supremely boring. I wanted wings with blue cheese. I did have one of Shawn's wings, and in fact it was too salty, hence the thumbs-down review. Does anyone care about this paragraph? No.
We went to Mass on Sunday morning -- my choir's first Mass of the school year. When I arrived, I stopped at the "time and talent" tables to say hi to a friend, then inside, I ran into my high school buddy, Alex, who lives in town and, lo and behold, attends our church. His last name and mine were right next to each other on all the rosters, so we frequently had lockers and homerooms together, all those years ago. What fun to see him. While talking to him, three different people came up behind me and wanted to say hi or share a hug. I felt FULL with friendship - just the way it's supposed to be. I love that. And then, after a dismal pre-game rehearsal that convinced me we were going to sing a whole step flat all morning, we pulled off an a cappella anthem, and ended it PERFECTLY in tune, in the right key. Amazing.
After that it was football-watching time, and a nail-biter for the Falcons! I mostly sat and enjoyed the game and my Diet Pepsi. Only had to attend to Kate once, really -- she and Alex played and watched Scooby Doo in the other room, occupied with other kids. Bliss! This coming Sunday the family who hosted is coming to our house -- our first non-family, actual party-attending guests! I'm making chili. I'm debating letting Kate have a girly friend over at the same time, since the football friends only have two teenage boys.
What more can we ask for? A relaxing weekend, time with friends and family, love of God displayed ...? Nothing! Well, maybe just a delicious place to eat dinner. ;)
Wednesday, September 3
September begins
It is no longer August, and this is a very good thing. August is my bugaboo.
Deep in the heat of the southern summer, it drains all my energy. Or
rather, seems to tamp it down into the very core of me, so that I feel
suffocated and bothered by many things, like work and food and bad habits,
and unable to think of anything else.
So, I'm relieved and happy for September 1. And I have new things to enjoy:
So, I'm relieved and happy for September 1. And I have new things to enjoy:
- A new iPhone! I upgraded to the lowly 5S, which shall be obsolete and so-last-year by next week, when the 6 is released. I'm sure Shawn cringed to watch me NOT buy the 6, but my 4S was being a fuddy-duddy and wanted to be relieved of its daily duties. My new phone is shiny and white and that's one (really dumb) weight lifted off me. I can trust that I can download all the apps now that I have iOS7.
- A new person at work. I've only met her twice via Skype (she sits in the UK), and she was very deer-in-the-headlights (welcome to A****na!), but maybe with this addition to my team, some of the 9-5 drama will be relieved. I'm hopeful.
- A paid-for membership to Weight Watchers online. Sigh. It's time to put some money where my mouth is, and what an excellent metaphor that is. $56 for 3 months of mouth discipline, and I've already told a real-life friend so she and I can be buddies and keep each other accountable. On my own, I can buy all the right foods and TELL myself I'm going to eat them, in the right portions, but then we order pizza and 2 (okay, 3) slices later, I'm stupid-full again and I might as well eat ice cream with the kids, too. I'm looking at this with "when I was 40, I got healthy" eyes. Forty is a good reason. The first 5-pound loss is going to be rewarded with a new pair of shoes. I wouldn't say I'm excited about it, new shiny apps notwithstanding. It's a pain to track everything. But success will feel sweet and I can manage a little discomfort. I like most vegetables, after all. I can be mindful and not just eat whatever. I can give up the 13th through the 50th tortilla chips, and just have 12 instead.
Thursday, August 28
Simple.
Last night while eating dinner and with both kids happy (parents too), Shawn asked Kate, "What can we do, to make morning-time easier for you?" I followed up with, "Yeah, what might be some suggestions for how to be happier while we get dressed and ready for school?"
She only had to think for a second, then said, "Maybe set my alarm? And play a CD?"
Simple.
It worked.
She only had to think for a second, then said, "Maybe set my alarm? And play a CD?"
Simple.
It worked.
Tuesday, August 26
Living without intention?
[Monday] Sunday nights and Monday mornings make me feel like I'm not living intentionally. I read wayyyyy too much about goal-setting and productivity, and "living with intention," so my emotions are likely skewed, but when another weekend goes by and I haven't made the time to 1) Refresh my dang LinkedIn profile slash resume, and maybe even peek in on Monster.com just to see what's out there, or 2) done this or that change of address form (still), or 3) gone for a long walk/workout ... it makes me feel like I'm Doing It Wrong. But I was DOING THINGS, ALL WEEKEND, I promise. The kids' furniture got delivered (all but one piece, a mistake on the order, grrr...), and we rearranged all their stuff to accommodate it. That was most of the day Saturday, and then Sunday afternoon, too. We're really starting to finish, I think, getting moved in. :) Heh. Starting to finish. It's a long process, isn't it? I need to wash and possibly iron the dust ruffle that will now go on the guest room bed (we have a bed! in a guest room!) and then we can start arranging in there. So yes. Almost finished.
But back to the doing: We scheduled and executed playdates/sleepovers for both kids, again, and drove them there and back and around town. They can't say they didn't get to do anything fun all weekend (although Kate tried to, when she finally came home after 2 nights away - she was obviously extra-tired)...
We did lots of laundry, Shawn mowed the front and back, I went to the grocery store and Target, we went out to dinner Saturday night, and I even cooked something in the crock-pot for later this week.
We do so much.
But this whole living with intention thing is hard. Most days we just live to get through. Especially Mondays. We wake up unwillingly, we do what we have to do, we try to be present when we're parenting, and we crash by about 9:00 pm with no energy left. I know this is normal. I'm grateful for the normalcy, and for the goodness of a normal existence and a love-filled family. Is it social media/bloggers/vocal-and-optimistic-life-coaches that make us feel like we need to exist in some other, better way? Because they're sure vocal. And Visible. Online, I mean. It's everywhere. "You Could Be Happier."
[Tuesday] Last week I re-started the flextime plan, and I'm not sure it's going to work out. Our new house is further away from work, so if I don't leave by 6:10 (really difficult when you have a daughter whose circadian rhythms don't accommodate anything before 6:15), I'm not going to make it to the office before :45. And :45 means I'm already 15 minutes in the red for the day, when I already leave in the afternoon 15 minutes before when I should, just to hit the carpool line in time. (You: this is getting complicated/boring.) I don't take a lunch on those days, simply for the APPEARANCE of working harder -- even though I could, technically, still take a 30-minute lunch and have worked 8 full hours.
And you know what? I am SO OVER THIS. I am weary of being defensive about my time and counting minutes. I'm tired of feeling like the work that I DO GET DONE (all of it, every deadline met) isn't enough.
Here's my intention, and "by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving," I'm "presenting my request to God:"* I want to reduce my hours to part-time. 35 hours would be 7:30 am to 2:30 pm. Maybe 3:30 pm one day a week, to take a lunch-hour. No guilt. The difference in pay would, I believe, be manageable. It's scary to contemplate this when we've just bought a new house, and furniture. But, quality of life. I really want us to consider it without fear or resentment. I CAN CLIP COUPONS.
*Phil. 4:6-7
Putting this here to bookmark it: http://www.workoptions.com/part-time-proposal
But back to the doing: We scheduled and executed playdates/sleepovers for both kids, again, and drove them there and back and around town. They can't say they didn't get to do anything fun all weekend (although Kate tried to, when she finally came home after 2 nights away - she was obviously extra-tired)...
We did lots of laundry, Shawn mowed the front and back, I went to the grocery store and Target, we went out to dinner Saturday night, and I even cooked something in the crock-pot for later this week.
We do so much.
But this whole living with intention thing is hard. Most days we just live to get through. Especially Mondays. We wake up unwillingly, we do what we have to do, we try to be present when we're parenting, and we crash by about 9:00 pm with no energy left. I know this is normal. I'm grateful for the normalcy, and for the goodness of a normal existence and a love-filled family. Is it social media/bloggers/vocal-and-optimistic-life-coaches that make us feel like we need to exist in some other, better way? Because they're sure vocal. And Visible. Online, I mean. It's everywhere. "You Could Be Happier."
[Tuesday] Last week I re-started the flextime plan, and I'm not sure it's going to work out. Our new house is further away from work, so if I don't leave by 6:10 (really difficult when you have a daughter whose circadian rhythms don't accommodate anything before 6:15), I'm not going to make it to the office before :45. And :45 means I'm already 15 minutes in the red for the day, when I already leave in the afternoon 15 minutes before when I should, just to hit the carpool line in time. (You: this is getting complicated/boring.) I don't take a lunch on those days, simply for the APPEARANCE of working harder -- even though I could, technically, still take a 30-minute lunch and have worked 8 full hours.
And you know what? I am SO OVER THIS. I am weary of being defensive about my time and counting minutes. I'm tired of feeling like the work that I DO GET DONE (all of it, every deadline met) isn't enough.
Here's my intention, and "by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving," I'm "presenting my request to God:"* I want to reduce my hours to part-time. 35 hours would be 7:30 am to 2:30 pm. Maybe 3:30 pm one day a week, to take a lunch-hour. No guilt. The difference in pay would, I believe, be manageable. It's scary to contemplate this when we've just bought a new house, and furniture. But, quality of life. I really want us to consider it without fear or resentment. I CAN CLIP COUPONS.
*Phil. 4:6-7
Putting this here to bookmark it: http://www.workoptions.com/part-time-proposal
Monday, August 18
Weekend Gratitude Again
- A lovely, kid-free dinner out, on a patio (lemon-ricotta ravioli WHAAAAT?? Luscious.)
- Playdates and happy children
- More Furniture!
In the category of very first-world stuff, our kids' rooms are about to get an upgrade. When we moved, We boxed things up and didn't actually know how/where to put things at the new place, feeling we'd want to rearrange as soon as we could get them new furniture. With one more bedroom to furnish, we knew we'd have to shuffle beds around at some point.
Sunday, we went back to Rooms to Go. I guess the naysayers and Pinteresty pinners and interior decorators would tell you RTG isn't good quality, but I'm here to tell you I had my old RTG living room set for 17 years and it was still in pretty good shape -- good enough to give to some college kids for their apartment. Anyway, RTG and me, we're buds. We bought the kids each a full-size bed, and headboards and footboards and trundles, oh my! The headboards match; Kate got white, Alex got black (to match his black dresser). The headboards have storage cubbies and a shelf above, plus a "hidden" bookcase going down the side. I'm so excited about that hidden bookcase. Kate got a dresser/mirror for her room, as a little girl should have, and Alex got a DESK, since he's nearing middle school and real, for-true STUDYING, and then high school OMG.
And after the stuff is delivered, we can DECORATE.
Little by little, we've been decorating around the house, putting things on walls. I'm almost ready to share pictures and start having people over. Eeeee!
----
The weekend helps things look brighter, and I'm more calm, even about the dumb job, today. (THANK YOU for your comments.) Even though it's a Monday. I was proactive and scheduled a lunch with my mom-friends for Friday. I'm hoping to make that a regular thing. It was scary to ask (I don't know why), but apparently they like me, and they immediately said 'yes.' I can't wait for Friday.
The kids were less horrible this weekend, hooray for school being in session! Maybe it helped that they were each with friends for sleepovers/playdates, and then we got a babysitter Saturday night. Heh. I guess it's possible they weren't that good, but at least Shawn and I didn't have to deal with it! No, I'm kidding. Alex also got injured on Saturday -- his back. He slipped at the foot of the stairs, and landed on his back, and it really scared him badly because it knocked the wind out of him. He stayed pretty quiet and moved slowly. I think he's fine now.
A friend from several years ago died in a tragic accident last Friday (Sherry, it was Cary Scales). She was 40, and has two little boys. I'm having guilty thoughts for all of my complaining last week, after learning this news last night. A lesson, a warning, a wish, to be a better human every single day, because who knows.
Wednesday, August 13
This week in my brain
Things feel a little out of control. We're back to school, the first full week, and they're throwing us all the way in, right away. There were/are parent-teacher meetings Tuesday and Thursday nights, plus the Cub Scouts kick-off tonight, and already there's homework and lunches to make every day, since Fun Food doesn't start until next week. I dread those long, every-day lunchbox weeks.
Alex is handling it pretty well so far. He's excited to have color-coded his schedule and his 5th-grade binder. He has a lot of work to do to learn "responsible" and "organized," but he's beginning the work. He wants to be successful.
And not to compare the two kids, who are obviously at different stages of independence and development, but Kate is handling it... less well. Six is difficult. Kate is six. I worry she isn't getting enough sleep. She still requires me to sit with her while she takes a bath, falls asleep, and this morning she wanted me to sit with her while she got dressed. (I've read that this is pretty normal for her age, but it's tiring.) This morning. This morning was difficult. She's been doing better with waking, but not today. I hate the morning rush. I hate that I feel such a need to be punctual to my job. I should not care. (On the other hand, this is how the world works. Punctuality is a good trait to have and teach.) However, maybe I should help her as much as she needs, and THEN get myself ready to go. That might have to be this year's adjustment. But then there's the need to teach them independence, too. How to do that, while being helpful and secure for them at the same time? I just don't know. Everything is one huge contradiction, and kind-of on repeat.
Wait, I can't let Alex totally off the hook, because over the weekend HIS behavior had us absolutely baffled, too. He gets bored, I guess, or frustrated, and he flails around, unable to control his movements. I'm serious. And if Kate pisses him off, watch out. He'll go right up to her and punch... the couch cushion, an inch away from her leg or something. Repeatedly. Or he'll just walk around SIGHING. Or, he gets self-deprecating in the extreme. If he's gotten in trouble for pushing his sister earlier in the day, then the next time we look at him with a raised eyebrow it's, "I mess up EVERYTHING" and "I should just go in my room for the rest of the WEEKEND. That's what I'll do, I deserve to."
I realized something yesterday: I'm feeling very untethered at work right now, and that's adding to the stress at home. Aside from the drama, there's also some transition going on and it's left me on my own to handle things. My former mgr. is no longer my mgr. We no longer have our weekly meetings where she used to keep me in the loop on the politics. Meanwhile, I see her having weekly meetings with other, less senior coworkers. My next/subsequent mgr. is also now "former," and her successor is only contract/part-time. My European counterpart has left the company, and her temporary replacement was just on a European (read: 3-week) vacation. And on and on.
So yeah. I feel like I don't have any insight, or anyone leading me. I realized I'm a doer, not a leader. Which is fine and good. The world needs doers. But I've started wishing I'd be "reorg'd" out. I could deal with some severance pay for a month or two, that wouldn't be so bad. This thought seems... unhealthy.
I mean, overall everything is fine, great. I read this, after all. I know to be grateful. But also, there's been a full moon, have you seen it?
Alex is handling it pretty well so far. He's excited to have color-coded his schedule and his 5th-grade binder. He has a lot of work to do to learn "responsible" and "organized," but he's beginning the work. He wants to be successful.
And not to compare the two kids, who are obviously at different stages of independence and development, but Kate is handling it... less well. Six is difficult. Kate is six. I worry she isn't getting enough sleep. She still requires me to sit with her while she takes a bath, falls asleep, and this morning she wanted me to sit with her while she got dressed. (I've read that this is pretty normal for her age, but it's tiring.) This morning. This morning was difficult. She's been doing better with waking, but not today. I hate the morning rush. I hate that I feel such a need to be punctual to my job. I should not care. (On the other hand, this is how the world works. Punctuality is a good trait to have and teach.) However, maybe I should help her as much as she needs, and THEN get myself ready to go. That might have to be this year's adjustment. But then there's the need to teach them independence, too. How to do that, while being helpful and secure for them at the same time? I just don't know. Everything is one huge contradiction, and kind-of on repeat.
Wait, I can't let Alex totally off the hook, because over the weekend HIS behavior had us absolutely baffled, too. He gets bored, I guess, or frustrated, and he flails around, unable to control his movements. I'm serious. And if Kate pisses him off, watch out. He'll go right up to her and punch... the couch cushion, an inch away from her leg or something. Repeatedly. Or he'll just walk around SIGHING. Or, he gets self-deprecating in the extreme. If he's gotten in trouble for pushing his sister earlier in the day, then the next time we look at him with a raised eyebrow it's, "I mess up EVERYTHING" and "I should just go in my room for the rest of the WEEKEND. That's what I'll do, I deserve to."
I realized something yesterday: I'm feeling very untethered at work right now, and that's adding to the stress at home. Aside from the drama, there's also some transition going on and it's left me on my own to handle things. My former mgr. is no longer my mgr. We no longer have our weekly meetings where she used to keep me in the loop on the politics. Meanwhile, I see her having weekly meetings with other, less senior coworkers. My next/subsequent mgr. is also now "former," and her successor is only contract/part-time. My European counterpart has left the company, and her temporary replacement was just on a European (read: 3-week) vacation. And on and on.
So yeah. I feel like I don't have any insight, or anyone leading me. I realized I'm a doer, not a leader. Which is fine and good. The world needs doers. But I've started wishing I'd be "reorg'd" out. I could deal with some severance pay for a month or two, that wouldn't be so bad. This thought seems... unhealthy.
I mean, overall everything is fine, great. I read this, after all. I know to be grateful. But also, there's been a full moon, have you seen it?
Wednesday, August 6
Atmosphere
I actually feel fine, myself, but everyone in my department is moody today, and it has totally rubbed off and made me feel anxious, depressed, a little sick to my stomach and like I just want to get out of here or curl up under my desk until it all goes away. There are big changes afoot at The Company Of Constant Drama -- new people in upper management started work yesterday, and a couple of people left -- and my friend/neighbor has been cursing under her breath all day about something else that is going to cause a lot of stress in our production schedule. Then M, my manager, went into friend/neighbor's office, shut the door, and I could tell they were both griping and having some tearful moments. I don't have a clue what most of it is about, but I do know my Mgr. has been doing some kind of life/career assessment course. I bet she's fed up. I bet she might leave because she doesn't feel respected as a person.
Hm., I want to say to her, and point to the email she sent me last week. HMMM. Isn't that interesting.
I know what I SHOULD feel is sympathy. I do... but I do not.
Hmm.
Did I mention I want to run away for today? It feels weird in here.
Hm., I want to say to her, and point to the email she sent me last week. HMMM. Isn't that interesting.
I know what I SHOULD feel is sympathy. I do... but I do not.
Hmm.
Did I mention I want to run away for today? It feels weird in here.
Monday, August 4
Good stuff from this weekend
So much to report. :)
The rest is being delivered next Saturday. Now that we have all the furniture in mind, I think we're ready to start decorating. So yesterday, I unwrapped photos and candles and artwork and wandered around the house, trying to find the best spots for them. Maybe tonight some nails will go into some walls!
This was a weekend of spending TIME at home -- we had no commitments to birthday parties in the middle of the day, no long afternoons at any swimming pool, and I was in the house during times of the day I'm not normally there. I could see how the light from the big window hits this wall and that wall, and it was so nice. I still just love this house, and it's really coming together to be the house I have always wanted.
Let's not talk too much about how much the kids are fighting with one another lately, or how many times they were sent to their respective bedrooms (or how many times one of them refused to go)... let's just chalk it up to We Really Need School to Start Back, Now, and be grateful that happens on Thursday this week. Yes, let's.
- First of all, Friday at lunchtime, Shawn and I went to the furniture store and spent other people's money! Well, I mean, opened a credit card. :) We got a new sectional for the family room/den, and end tables and an ottoman to go with it. Gone are the days of not having enough seating space, and not having a surface on which to put our drinks! Yippie! That evening, Shawn went by the showroom to pick up one additional piece I bought, on a whim, the floor/display model. Totally on-sale. It's a beautiful cabinet. It's in our foyer right now, and might stay there or might move to the dining room, but I LOVE IT.
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| Don't you love it? |
This was a weekend of spending TIME at home -- we had no commitments to birthday parties in the middle of the day, no long afternoons at any swimming pool, and I was in the house during times of the day I'm not normally there. I could see how the light from the big window hits this wall and that wall, and it was so nice. I still just love this house, and it's really coming together to be the house I have always wanted.
- Shawn bought, and the kids and I planted, some flowers (thanks, honey!). My first attempt at flowers went awry -- I had bought some lovely hanging baskets, but they died (even though I watered them! I promise!) within 7 days. Sad panda. So let's hope this second effort works out better.
- I finished the whole-house-cleaning that Shawn had started during the week. Now everything has been dusted, vacuumed, mopped or otherwise cleaned (bathrooms), and boy, did it need it. And wow, does that feel great.
- I baked banana bread. Always a satisfying venture.
- We saw a family that we like at Mass, who've now joined our parish. Their kids attend the school, but they were members elsewhere; now they're registered where they belong. I smile every time I see them. File this in the "appreciating friends" category.
- We got the last of the school supplies -- all-white PE shoes for Kate (hard to find) -- and spent a morning shoe shopping in the process. Kate was being a quintessential GIRL, oohing and ahhing over all the pretties at Payless. It was adorable. (Yes, I did also buy her that pair of gold flats, because how could I not??)
- Kate helped me make fish last night, and then both kids cleaned their plates! A miracle!
Let's not talk too much about how much the kids are fighting with one another lately, or how many times they were sent to their respective bedrooms (or how many times one of them refused to go)... let's just chalk it up to We Really Need School to Start Back, Now, and be grateful that happens on Thursday this week. Yes, let's.
Friday, August 1
Whiner
Last night Kate and Alex laughed at a TV show because there was a whiny kid on the screen, whining. They snorted. "Hey, Alex, that sounds just like Alonso at camp, doesn't it?"
I wanted SO BADLY to say, "Uh, it sounds like YOU at home!" But I refrained. I asked her why did it remind her of Alonso? "Oh, he's always whining, 'I don't wannnnnnt that.' or 'But I want to play outsiiiiiiiiiide...'"
She didn't see any comparison to herself at all, which, I guess, is fine. But I'm slightly gratified to know that at least she can recognize whining as NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO BEHAVE (particularly at a school or camp setting). I mean, I knew this, I trust that she behaves at school and camp. But sometimes at home, she really makes me wonder what lies there, deep down in her understanding.
WHEW.
I wanted SO BADLY to say, "Uh, it sounds like YOU at home!" But I refrained. I asked her why did it remind her of Alonso? "Oh, he's always whining, 'I don't wannnnnnt that.' or 'But I want to play outsiiiiiiiiiide...'"
She didn't see any comparison to herself at all, which, I guess, is fine. But I'm slightly gratified to know that at least she can recognize whining as NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO BEHAVE (particularly at a school or camp setting). I mean, I knew this, I trust that she behaves at school and camp. But sometimes at home, she really makes me wonder what lies there, deep down in her understanding.
WHEW.
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