Miss Independence

 I've just driven myself home after leaving Kate at the Marietta Square, a market/food hall 30 minutes from us (close to her school). She has the day off, and her girlfriends wanted to get together. There is one mom who plans to stay in her car, reading her book, because she lives even farther away than I do and it didn't make sense for her to drive home. For this I'm grateful.

I know that when I was thirteen, which she IS, however much I want to think she is still twelve, I was going to movies by myself (with friends), and to meet at the mall. I know that she is of the right age where this is acceptable. But it still felt very odd to drive away. 

My main concern, however, is that she will LEAVE something behind, as she is wont to do. I can't tell you how many times over the past several years that we have been out shopping, and she'll look up and realize she set her purse/iPod down in a store and left it there. Back to Justice or Claire's we would run-walk, hoping and praying they saved it. When we visited Nashville a few spring breaks ago, she left her Instax camera somewhere, and it was never to be found again. Argh. 

But THIS weekend was the worst. She went to a birthday party in downtown Atlanta (a friend's mom did the driving), and later realized she'd left her purse at the ice cream shop. The mom called he shop to confirm the purse was there, and told me they would stay open until 11pm. All of us live at least a half-hour from town and this was around 7 pm (I truly don't know WHY they chose this particular place for a birthday party, but whatever). So what did I get to do on Saturday night, before I had eaten? Drive into town. Traffic was terrible, and it took us muuuuuch longer than I anticipated. Kate asked me in a text beforehand, couldn't I just go get it and then pick her up from the friend's???? HAHAHA, NO, I texted back. You are going with me. 

And she did. Her utter silence the whoooole way there and back indicated she was feeling the proper amount of mad, whether at herself or at me is unclear. ;) Just kidding, I know she felt terrible; she actually offered to give me some money since I had to drive all that way (when I had planned a nice dinner for the four of us at home). Of course I didn't make her pay me, and I tried not to be mad directly AT her, but... I can't say I was 100% successful. 

Anyway, I believe she has learned her lesson. Nevertheless, I texted her just now: "Phone! Purse! Hoodie! Just your periodic reminder! xxx" 

She replied that she has them. Don't think I won't do it again in 30 minutes. 

Pandemic Diary, Day 365

 Whoa, y'all. One year. 

I remember in the week leading up to March 16, continuously refreshing a Johns Hopkins webpage with a map that had little red dots bursting when new cases popped up. And I remember feeling so bad for the people on the cruise ships that weren't being let off -- remember that? It was contained on cruise ships at first. I remember stocking up our pantry for the first time, not knowing if we would be able to go to the grocery store for 2 weeks (we were able to) -- I bought some EasyMac, ingredients for making chili, some canned fruit, extra soups, and, sort-of inexplicably, some packaged dry pizza dough mix. I remember sewing my first cloth mask, by hand, and tying it around my head with leftover pink shoelaces I had in my craft bin. I felt SO WEIRD that first time at the store wearing it. 

Then I remember the kids being extra diligent in those first weeks last spring, both in their rooms, figuring out Google Meet. They handled virtual school so well. I can't believe we did nearly that entire semester from home. (I know others have done so much MORE online school, with challenges; we really have been blessed that they could go back this year. For posterity, Kate went back in-person, masked and distanced in a very different classroom, in August, Alex not until November, with about 65% of his school opting for in-person.) 

I remember being temporarily furloughed, twice. How hard it was for my manager to tell me, and how I wasn't truly worried, because they said from the first breath that no one would lose our jobs, but that I still felt teary and like a big weight had just landed in the pit of my stomach, after that Skype call. I also still have a letter in my glove compartment -- one they sent out in the early weeks, in case I was ever stopped during lockdown while on my way to the office, which, because we deal with medical devices, was considered essential. We didn't know how strict "lockdown" was going to be. Of course, I never had to use that letter, but how strange to have even had it.

It seems appropriate that as I sit here typing all this, I hear a siren in the background -- an ambulance or police car on its way to do its normal work, but that "emergency" sound giving a perfect feel to all these memories.

I want to say I'm grateful for the year at home. I really am. I think I've tried to remain grateful through all of it. But I can recall at least 2 times when I felt sad enough that I cried about it in the middle of the day. What will this world come to, and what does it mean for the kids' futures... those kinds of worries. Questions that are still unanswered. However, I don't feel overly sad today. Just resigned. Weary of it. Ready to get back to what we know as normal -- with a huge caveat of NEVER going back to the level of busy that we collectively maintained, and never back to a full-time-required-in-the-office job. Ready to sign up for our vaccine slots, once they're available to us. Ready to visit my family normally, without worry. (Worried about the Spring Breakers, in the near-term. Don't screw it up for all of us, 20-somethings.) 

I do want to mark the anniversary in some way. 

I lit a candle today. And I hope the one-year mark is the beginning of the end of this long, long chapter.

Brain Dump: Plants, College-Planning(?) Kid, Covid-Guilt and Impatience

A lot on my mind today; having a hard time focusing or caring about work. (heh, I mean, that's every day, but seems worse today). So, here it is, in all its glory.

1. Want to buy a plant?

Both of our kids' usual activities, though they aren't really "on" this semester, are still doing their spring fundraisers. Both of them are plant sales. The drama club sells hanging baskets only, and the band sells both hanging baskets and flats of annuals. It works out well for me, I guess, because I don't have to go to the nursery or Home Depot and be overwhelmed with choices, which is what happens every time.

Had some success last spring, and I'm looking forward to many of the same successes. BUT: Delivery dates aren't until April 15 and May 1 -- and that's most of spring, including Easter! Bad planning on their part, I say. So do I buy Home Depot plants to tide me over? And then, what, not support the causes?? It's a conundrum. 

2. College planning is going to kill me

My darling Alex is a 2nd-semester junior, and has done the barest, barest minimum of thinking about what he wants to do after high school, and it is driving me crazy. This week he got his PSAT scores (I made him take it one last time in his junior year because I think he could qualify for National Merit Scholarships). He did QUITE well, better than I did on the SAT by more than 100 points, and so he really could take his pick of schools. The one he seems most "interested" in right now -- and by that I don't mean much, because he NEVER talks about this stuff unless I bring it up -- is Georgia State University in Atlanta. Which is a good enough school, and he can go for free because of in-state scholarships. But... I just feel like he could broaden his horizons a little bit. Yesterday I (he) got a recruitment email from Dartmouth. Maybe I shouldn't wish him away -- I mean, Atlanta is right here! He could come home on weekends! But... I'm praying pretty fervently right now for guidance on how to guide him. 

3. Social media is abuzz with vaccination announcements and it's making me feel both guilty and impatient.

Though I WAS quarantined like everyone else in the beginning, and we have definitely had a different year without school activities or church or seeing friends/going out... I haven't locked myself up in a way that "getting out" feels so huge. I see people say, "I got my hair cut for the first time in a year" and, well.... I have been able to continue having haircuts, masked, all along. We went to some football games last fall. I actually have had a few meals in restaurants since they reopened. Not often, but a few. We saw my parents a lot over the summer. (Not since then, regrettably.) I don't know, I just feel bad that other people have had it so much worse than I have. 

That said, I'm READY for my shot and impatient that I can't get it yet. Georgia has just opened up for teachers, medically disabled adults, and parents of medically fragile children. None of those descriptors applies to me. It feels like the longest waiting room ever and that this thing will NEVER, ever be over. 

Hello, March

Can't quite believe it's March already. I'm gearing up to be negatively affected by memory on March 13. I can't believe it's been a year. I just mean, I think I'm going to be sad about it. Alex wondered this morning if, in the future, there will be some kind of national holiday. Day of Remembrance or something. :(  Sad.

It's a Monday, and the first day of the month. That seems clean and tidy. Last night after dinner, the dishwasher was full, and I said, "I like when the dishwasher needs to be run on a Sunday night. It feels neat and tidy." Definitive, anyway, to wake up Monday morning with clean dishes; it's a new start. 

I have nothing particular to share today. We had a good weekend with nothing much on the calendar (as usual). I got my hair done Saturday morning. It took forever. I hate this about my stylist (or maybe it's my hair), but what can you do? When you've been going to someone this long, you can't just leave her and try someone else. You're friends now, you're Stuck. So, the couple of times a year that I get highlights, along with my regular color and haircut, I get to sit in the salon for nearly 3 hours. And she's nice enough -- she's chatty without talking my ear off the entire time -- but it really does feel like a waste of a day.  Later, Kate and I ran around town doing a few errands, but mostly looking for some stuffed animals she's currently obsessing about. She's 13, but I guess I'm willing to let her obsess about stuffed animals -- let her stay little, just a bit longer. ;) 

I also did the grocery shopping. This week, I went in person. It was nice for a change; I've been doing online groceries for a few weeks and I miss the fun of seeing something new, or on sale, and grabbing it. I've not been doing the "grocery store reports" that others are doing, but I enjoy reading them. Our store had breakfast Hot Pockets this week (good! I bought a large box) but no Sausage & Pancake on a Stick (Jimmy Dean). 

Here's a fun development: Shawn's drinking coffee now. When we met, he'd recently been diagnosed with Crohn's, and coffee did not agree with him at all. But he's had some liver issues lately (probably caused by one of his Crohn's medications, ironically), and he read that coffee can be good for liver health. And the coffee does not make his stomach hurt. So that's fun. He's trying all the flavors and now I have to share my Keruig and my half and half! lol I'm just kidding, I'm happy to share. I can't wait for a coffee-house date. 

Last week I had to go to my office THREE TIMES. That is three times too many! There was an issue with my laptop, and I needed to send out a package. But there is some official news: we are moving our office later this year! This is overdue -- the space we're in does not fit our needs anymore, and it's beaten up and pretty cruddy looking. Not that we're hosting clients or trainings or anything lately, but still. I'm a little worried I will lose the privilege of having an office -- I bet I'll go back to a cube or, at best, will share an office with someone else. But, if I'm working from home more, that's less of a problem. I do hope we get new furniture as well. Just a full refresh would be really nice. The only downside of moving the office is... moving the office. I'm sure there are some days of cleaning out and organizing and packing boxes ahead of me, and no one likes any of those things! Budgets are slashed so I bet we'll have to do lots of the work ourselves. I'll have to use the "what can we look forward to?" technique to get through that process. 

On the home front, here's what we're eating this week: 

Sunday - Turkey breast, stuffing, wild rice and green beans (and cranberry sauce). Why not?! It was delicious.

Monday - Hot dogs and chili, and fries and veggies/dip.

Tuesday - Pork Chops. Not sure yet how I'll cook them. I'm thinking about a Balsamic marinade. Also not sure what to serve them with. The item I wanted (Stouffer's Harvest Apples) was sold out at the store. 

Wednesday - Baking Sheet Nachos. I can't wait for this one. Kate claims she's never had nachos, and I intend to remedy that!

Thursday - Pasta with chicken and broccoli. Some kind of garlic/parmesan thing I will probably look up on the fly. 

Friday - Shrimp Etouffee (and fish sticks, for those who don't like shrimp). I will just need to pick up a loaf of French bread on Friday afternoon. OR maybe I'll get brave and try to make this miracle no-knead bread I keep reading about. ;) 

Backyard pics

When this all got finished this weekend, I couldn't stop telling Shawn how happy I was with it. Something so long wished for, finally done! We have an outdoor living space! Want the before & after?

Before, a sad-trumpet looking firepit that I have had for several years (5? 6?) -- a sweet gift, to be sure, one Christmas, but it has always been unfinished... and of course the trampoline:

Note that we are still in the depth of winter (not THE depth of course, we were one of the 3 lucky states spared from last week's snow and destruction)... but still, our grass is yellow and plants are dead, and grill is covered. In spring our porch umbrella livens things up, as well as annuals! This time of year sure makes it look dreary!

And here is the beautiful After! 

More space for annuals in the planters! It will be so cute!

I can just picture me out there with a delicious cider in hand, warming my feet by the fire. <3

A birthday party and a backyard project

Our Valentine's Day is always usurped by Kate's birthday on the 15th. Although I must give Shawn the credit he truly deserves for being a great Valentine. I cringe, reading about my bloggy friends whose husbands won't DO SOMETHING for them on Valentine's Day. It is literally so easy!! Why can't they just....? I don't get it, I hate it for them, and I am so lucky. (I do always feel some solidarity with the idea of buying myself chocolates, because YUM. However, with birthday cake in the house I rarely need/want to add more sweets.)

For Kate's 13th birthday this year, I had the idea of a backyard fire-pit birthday. It would keep things mostly Covid-compliant (with friends she sees at school already, and being outside), we wouldn't have to bother the girls (teens!), they could just do their thing, and I thought Kate liked the idea of a campfire, sweater-weather theme. 

I got that part wrong, apparently -- about 3 days before the party she told me she'd never "OK'd" that idea -- but it didn't matter because the weather was rainy and gross for the 3 days surrounding the party, anyway. So no fire-pit. 

In the end, 5 friends DID come over, and they did spend quite a bit of time outdoors in our driveway, and on the trampoline. The rain had stopped by the day-of, but the ground was still soggy/muddy. As for activities, instead of roasting marshmallows, they played a few indoor games, which Kate herself devised and created. She wrapped little gifties and then rolled them into a huge Saran-wrap ball, which they then took turns unravelling to the throwing of dice -- you know this game, right? 

She also put candy into a bunch of balloons and blew them up; these served 2 purposes. One, she threw them all over the floor of our living room for surprisingly festive yet easy decor. And two, the girls at some point loudly stomped them all to pop them and reveal the candy. Easy peasy! 

I was not needed to help with either of these activities. In fact, the rest of us were sort-of banished from the main area of the house. Hmph. Not sure how I felt about that, except this one feeling: A BASEMENT or media room would SURE BE helpful in times like these. We have neither. This was why I wanted the backyard situation. Oh well! I provided lots of snacks, and we were allowed to attend the present-unwrapping and birthday cake portions of the evening, and the whole thing was a pretty big success, I believe. She even thanked me. ;) 

In the backyard, we were planning to complete a long-wished-for project to make the party landscape just *chef's kiss* perfect. We have all the materials, now we just need a non-rainy weekend, to finish it up. It's going to look somewhat like this:

(Not our house; but we bought similar buckets, 4x4s and lights)

I can't wait. I'm grateful Shawn took this on and really think that it's going to make a useful, pretty "living space" outside. We're lucky that Atlanta weather is usually really good for outdoor living -- I'm hoping for lots of use of this area in spring and maybe even summer (haha, it will be way too hot in summer). I also bought 4 adirondack chairs (plastic ones, not the expensive kind), and am planning to have pretty, colorful cushions to liven them up a bit. I'll try to remember to take pictures. 

On to some dinner menus! My 2021 planner has a little area for each day, called "Tonight:" and it's a perfect spot to record what we've had. Some delicious ideas for you from our last couple of weeks:

Southwest Sausage & Rice Skillet (hellofresh) - My crew doesn't care for chicken sausage, so I used regular pork. 

Chicken Soft Tacos in the crock-pot - Couldn't be easier. A little too juicy, if I'm honest, but we used all of this in burritos and quesadillas in the week following, and everyone enjoyed it. 

This was a few weeks ago: BBQ Salmon Bowls w/Mango-Avocado Salsa -- and wow, was it delicious! Kate has recently discovered avocado -- the cool kids on TikTok made her want to try avocado toast, lol -- so it was a big hit.

Kate's Birthday Choice: Spaghetti Carbonara with a Caesar salad kit and garlic breadsticks: YUM. A little cholesterol-heavy, especially when finished with a piece of birthday cake (just a little)! The day after, I ate oatmeal, raw vegetables, and drank a ton of water to atone.

Tonight: Southern Vegetable Plate: Mashed potatoes, corn, mac and cheese, and these green beans. Yikes, I'd better start them right now. This meal brought to you by no-meat Ash Wednesday. Happy Lent! I'm giving up fast food. 

Grateful to have a job. So grateful.

But I'm going to complain for a few paragraphs. I'm sorry.

I just read through my posts from Days 1, 2 and 3 of the initial pandemic lockdown from last March. Wow, that's a mind-trip. First of all, that it's nearly a year ago. Secondly, my question from Day 1: "After the 14 days, will we be expected to go back to normal?" Heavy. Sigh. 

I'm having some trouble feeling productive, again. I don't even have the excuse of the kids being home to distract me, and yet I can't seem to focus. One work-thing the pandemic has caused is longer response times from co-workers. I can email a colleague to ask a question or make a request, and if they're working kinda flex-y time, like all of us are, or they're officially working fewer hours (as some in my company, in other countries, are), it takes at least twice as long to hear back from them than it used to. So projects take longer. Plus, I think everything happening over email causes log-jams in everyone's Inboxes, and things just get overlooked more easily than before. I've been waiting now for 3 business days for a proof to come back on our catalog, which is a massive book, and should have been published in January. I NEED the answers that only this one person can provide. And here I sit, without those answers. (Yes, I have sent the follow-up "Just circling back to this" email.)

Of course, I am also working flex-y time. Yesterday I had to go to Target for some supplies for this weekend's birthday -- baby Kate turns 13! -- and then there was, of course, carpool. Today, it's a kid's dentist appointment. Fits and starts. Never a long stretch of deep work, it seems.

So it's frustrating, because then my task becomes overdue and the "Completed" box never gets checked off. I NEED checked-off boxes! They keep me sane. 

January Goodness

I guess I haven't had it in me to post anything lately. Not that I feel significantly bad/sad/down -- I'm fine. Pretty good, in fact. Just busy. A lot of blessings to count: 

• Mom and Dad had negative COVID tests last week, although most of the rest of my Pensacola family, including my dear Aunt/Godmother and Uncle, were positive. 
• Subsequently, both my parents, I think, are now vaccinated x 1! A measure of relief. 
• Alex also had a negative COVID test this past Monday. Our family's first test! (I say that because I know people who have had to be tested multiple times. One family with 5 nearly grown kids, the mom told me she's waited in the testing line like, 8 times (maybe they should stop going out?).) Anyway, he'd had sniffles and sore throat for nearly a week, including loss of taste/smell for a couple of those days. Yikes. But I'd called his doctor and they advised just letting him wait it out if we didn't KNOW of a positive exposure, and we didn't... Until Monday morning. So off we went to the last available appointment that night, at the most random Urgent Care in town (not a "name brand," had a flashing neon sign in the window, "Covid Tests, $15"). And he's negative. WHEW.
• Shawn turned 52 and we had a very pandemic celebration of ordering his favorite burger for dinner (Ted's Montana Grill, the Green & Hot with guac and jalepenos and chipotle or sriracha aioli), and made a devil's food poke cake that was delicious. (Again, box cakes for the WIN - I don't think I'll ever order a cake from Publix again. We are converted!)
• I've had time and inclination to do 3 things daily, and they all help my mood: Read a little bit (I started Ken Follett's The Evening & The Morning); listen to a song or album that I choose, in iTunes (sometimes I just ...forget (?) about music so it's fun to be intentional about it); and do a Calm app meditation. Really liking the Daily Trip by Jeff Warren.
• I had two days of 5:00 am Zoom meetings this week. That fact isn't the blessing, really -- although it is fun, in a way, to meet with people in Germany, France, the UK, China, Australia, Poland, Russia, etc.(this is why it starts at 5 am Eastern). But I will say that starting so early means my workday is FINISHED much earlier, too! So that's kinda nice. Yesterday I did a long yoga video and took a nap afterwards!
• We did NOT get hit by the tornado that passed through here, about 3 miles from our house! We did get woken up by the county sirens at 2:00 a.m., went downstairs to our coat closet (the most interior room we have), and waited for the danger to pass. And no one really went back to sleep after that, least of all me who had to get up at 4:30 anyway. But we were SAFE. 
• Yesterday the high was 68! It was so lovely, after what feels like weeks of cloudy gloom. I mean, it's weird in January, and climate change is real and all that, but still. I'll take a day of sunshine once in a while, sure. It's supposed to be back in the 20s tomorrow morning, and is rainy today.
• I had a fun discussion with my cousins about spaghetti sauce. A family recipe calls for cinnamon, cloves and, as I learned from them, carrots in the sauce. I didn't use the carrots, but I made this homemade version this week, and it is SO good. So much better than the jarred sauce I usually buy, in my opinion. I'm not saying I'll make spaghetti this way every time from now on, because it is certainly more work than just dumping the jar over meat. And the jar is pretty delicious - we buy Newman's Own and it's quality sauce. I probably WILL, however, always add a lb. of ground pork to the beef, and it's worth making the cinnamon-cloves version some of the time, because I love it so much. My cousin described it as a "warmer," spiced taste, and that's exactly it.

What else are we eating this week? Well:

Sunday - Pork Loin Roast. Why do pork loins always take infinitely longer than I plan, to cook up to temp?? Argh. We didn't eat until nearly 8:00 Sunday because of it, and I was annoyed. We had mashed potatoes, corn and green salad with it, like a real "Sunday dinner," I thought.

Monday - the Spaghetti.

Tuesday - Black Bean Burgers (Morningstar Farms, in the frozen section) or Tyson Chicken Patty burgers, with roasted broccoli/onions. An easy meal, after a work-intensive one.

Wednesday - Tacos

Thursday - Southern Living Ham and Bean soup, a new recipe my mom tried and enjoyed, with our Christmas ham bone. It's been waiting in the freezer since December. 

Friday - leftovers. We have so much spaghetti. ;)

Saturday - I might make chicken fried rice. Haven't had it in a while and already have all the ingredients.

Since I've been in meetings all week, I have tons of actual work to do. Also going in to my office today at noon, but basically only to print something. These times are still so strange. Bye for now! 

Happy New Year - Let's Review

I read S's year-end review and, as usual, thought it would be so lovely to write one of my own. I do like that particular set of questions and have answered them many times in the past, though I can only seem to find 2015 & 2016. Last year I just did my own thing for 2019's review (also in 2018). And actually, I like to write my thoughts down on paper, if I've kept a paper planner, which I have the last couple of years after a long hiatus. My own format works for me, so here is what I wrote in the last few pages of my planner this year (I did this on Dec. 30 or 31):

The 2020 good stuff:

• Got what I've long wanted: nearly full-time WFH, with time for carpool pickups, not aftercare. 100% flexibility. Would have done extracurricular volunteering, if there'd been any to do.
• Grateful for the time - EXTRA - at home with Alex and Kate, that I never would have had otherwise. For walks in midday, for lunch breaks together and dumb/fun TV shows, for helping each other.
• Grateful for our health, through all of this year's pandemic; no one in my immediate family has been sick (let me add that Kate got over her sniffles after about 3 days, as did Shawn, who got them immediately after Kate. We didn't have either person tested and I don't know if that was right or wrong.)
• Grateful to still have our jobs, after collecting unemployment for the first time in my life this year during 4 weeks of furlough.

Goals accomplished (because I did actually have a few, back in January '20):

• Painted hall/entry, kitchen, & den, all lovely new shades of grey
• Bought a new (Sleep Number) bed like we wanted to do, and we LOVE it
• Spring gardening successes
• Visits to P'cola, Savannah (5, 2 -- more than usual)
• Bought a car for Alex (thanks, Mom and Dad!)
• Felt appreciated at work - made myself the best helper I can be
• Didn't stress about goals
• Made Christmas as fun/happy as we could
• Lost 15 pounds. Worked out an average of 134 minutes/week in an attempt to lower my cholesterol (which didn't work, thanks, Genetics, but at least I tried - I'm now on medication for it)
• Saved on groceries by setting a budget and shopping at Aldi/online
• Set a clothes budget (not sure if we saved anything, but at least there was the intent to save, lol. It's hard with a pre-teen girl, I'll say that for sure, but I'm working on my acceptance of it -- kids need to have clothes they like, after all)
• Read 30 books, although this wasn't a goal, just a nice thing I had time to do

Things that could be improved:

• Church attendance. Mixed feelings here. We've been under full dispensation since March, so really it's OKAY! No one would fault us for it and there's no need to confess anything! Ha! But am I neglecting my kids' faith formation by mostly ignoring virtual Masses online? I just can't stand watching the ones our parish livestreams. Should probably try other parishes but... meh. 
  Not singing in the choir anymore is still strange to me, but I think the right choice. I needed a reason to quit, because it was absolutely no longer bringing me joy, and the pandemic was a good reason.
• Taking care of my parents. Perhaps I'm not alone because of Covid, but I'm feeling a lot of guilt about this right now. I hate that we don't live in the same town as them, I can't drive them to doctor's appointments or heaven forbid, ER visits, which they had this year; and that they aren't in our Covid bubble. Same with Shawn's mom; she's living by herself, and her oldest son isn't there to help her out. I hate it. Christmas was nice, quiet, but caused a lot of guilt, if I'm honest. Logically I understand that our life is here at the moment, and I know all of our parents are okay with that. Thankfully, they're mostly healthy and doing GREAT without our help! Not to mention it was safer this year to stay apart at Christmas! But it's easy to feel like we're somehow neglecting our duty as children. I'm trying to remember that everything has a reason, and that God is not the God of guilt, and doesn't want me to feel bad. But it's what I'm wrestling with, especially as the pandemic goes on. 

So, how to sum all of this up? 2020 happened. We did puzzles, we made masks, we over-bought (hoarded) toilet paper, we did online school, we mostly stopped going to restaurants except to pick up food. I'm actually happier, thinner, and richer, and I never answer those questions that way.

I can't WAIT until we can all get vaccinated, and Alex can return to a normal marching band (senior!!) season, and Kate to a normal Drama club season, with all their godforsaken fundraising needs. I will raise the heck out of some funds if they can just have their fun back. I'll take what I learned and really appreciate things more. Incidentally, we watched Pixar's "Soul" on NY's Eve and it was the PERFECT way to wrap up a year when finding joy in the little things was the only way to function. 

I'm greatly looking forward to 2021, with a small spark of hope. Hope you are, too.

We Christmased!

For the 2nd year in a row, we Christmased at our own home, just us 4. This year, however, I really wished we could be together with family. Ah, 2020. Even though we weren't sick, we kept seeing the news and authorities advising people to please not travel, please... like, really, we beg you... (they were so desperate to convince us all, weren't they?).... and so we just decided we'd better not. Again, even though we would have driven, not flown or taken a bus or anything. 

And do you know what? On Dec. 26th, Kate developed a stuffy/runny nose and really didn't feel great. And how would I have felt if we'd been at my parents' house?? Not good, Bob. We will come back to this momentarily.

Christmas Week was a full week of PTO for both me and Shawn -- very rare, indeed. It began conspicuously, however, with Alex's oral surgery (part of his braces situation) Monday morning. He has recovered so well, with nary a whimper of discomfort -- only a little bit of having to eat carefully on his back teeth. He's still taking antibiotics but has come out the other side a total champ. Monday afternoon while Alex recovered, Kate and I met some of her friends for an outdoor park play-date -- more specifically for the girls, a photo-op, because this is what pre-teen girls do. Just take a million photos together. Selfies and Us-ies and filters and all that. The moms sat in our folding chairs in a socially-distanced circle and it was nice (though some of them are not my favorite moms, I'll admit. Mostly because some of them do not believe in the virus. I mean, that's an exaggeration. But, a lot of negative feelings about it, some talk about travel and big get-togethers, and some "We cannot let this stop us LIVING OUR LIVES" comments, and it was hard to keep quiet).

Monday night we watched "Elf," I believe. Classic. And I made myself an Amaretto Sour. I really wanted to have a different drink every night and this was an excellent start. Also, we went outside to view the planets passing! Did you? How neat was that? 

Tuesday we had to go to the kids' piano lesson - that was the day's excitement. I think otherwise we did very little, and what a treat! A day off, with no plans! Just what I wanted. Watched "Christmas Chronicles 2" from Netflix and I fell asleep, probably due to my White Russian drink of the day. ;) 

Wednesday Shawn and I VOTED! Woo hoo! Democracy -- an important runoff. I did some last-minute shopping at Target and I think Alex's movie choice that night was "Nightmare Before Xmas," always a good one. I forgot - or just maybe opted not - to make a fun drink. I'd intended to do hot chocolate w/Peppermint Schnapps. Oh well.

Thursday, finally, Christmas Eve. In the early afternoon I put the TV on "It's a Wonderful Life," much to Kate's chagrin, but everyone watched the whole thing in the end (a first for all of us -- I'd seen parts of it but never the whole movie start to finish). I bawled, then made appetizers. Pigs in Blankets, Sausage Balls, veggies and dip, and homemade salsa with chips. Our drink was a Merry Mojito, and delicious! Rum, Peppermint Schnapps, mint, lime and sugar. I made sure to WAIT until after we watched 6pm Christmas Eve Mass, though. ;) After that, we did take some family photos in front of the tree, and played the Brian Setzer Orchestra's Christmas songs - so fun and festive for our little "party!" AND it snowed! It had rained all day, but for about 10 minutes around 5pm, it was lovely and quiet, the way snow is, and we loved that!

One of Kate's favorite things about Christmas Eve is opening ONE present. But I think this year she didn't even ask about it! We stayed up late -- I finally had to shut things down and go to bed, and then luckily I woke myself & Shawn up around 1:30 to go play Santa. 

And Christmas Day, get this? They agreed to wait until 8:30 before coming into our room! Maybe even 9:00, I can't remember. THEY fed the cats breakfast (7:30 on the dot!) as a means to "peek," so I got to actually sleep in! 

One of the things I love about having older kids is their willingness to help lengthen the morning of present-opening. In our house, we now do a special wrapping paper for each kid, but there aren't any tags so they have to guess which paper is theirs. They guessed right on the first try, and in fact, Kate opened her Grand-Showstopper gift first (her very own iPhone11). I was worried it would all be a letdown after that, but it wasn't. They took turns, and I think really liked everything that was given to them. 

I was happy to receive an Apple Watch (and Shawn was happy to give it, because it is TECH) ;), AND AirPods, which I totally did not expect. And I got the birding binoculars I wanted, and a book I didn't realize anyone knew I wanted, and even a full stocking. I really have good gift-givers in my family (I just wish I was one of them). 

One different thing we did was to FaceTime Mom and Dad, and then Susan, my MIL, while opening their gifts. That stretched things out and made it feel more like normal, when they are here (or we are there). It kinda made me sad, but also happy. ?! You know?

This is getting long, but we made our traditional Christmas Crepes for brunch at noon, then had pizza rolls at 3:30 (ha, a family joke/tradition now), and then Honey Baked Ham, hash brown casserole, roasted vegetables and wine for dinner -- in the dining room with the Lenox and crystal. Somewhere in there, I made a red velvet cake with green whipped-cream frosting. So festive! And I drank another Merry Mojito, I feel sure. :) We Zoomed with Jill and Nils and Mom and Dad again. I didn't take a nap, but gosh, it was a perfect day.

NOW: Back to the matter at hand: Kate's nose. She was sniffly and tired on the 26th - she took a long nap - and got really nervous when she couldn't smell/taste. I tried to console her. That is, after all, a normal thing to happen when you're stuffed up. She never had a fever, so I'm trying not to be worried, and she is much better today (28th), so I'm hoping it was just a blip. I don't know if I'm supposed to report it to school, though? I don't feel like she needs to be tested at this point. I've Clorox wiped and Lysoled everything she's touched, as much as possible. Shawn had a bit of a sniffle today. I just don't know - I feel like I'm doing it wrong to not be panicked. I am grateful we stayed at home, that's for sure, and very wary. 

I went back to work today but have not been super productive. This blog post is the most productive thing I've done, aside from picking up a post-holiday grocery order! 

Licensed to Drive and other Atrocities

Alex is now licensed to drive and insured on our plan. Oh my gosh, that is crazy. I suppose he could drive himself (and Kate) to piano lessons tomorrow night. All by himself. In the dark. The state says he can, anyway. My brain short-circuits a little bit when I think about it, though. Just... he'll be out there! On his own! Making decisions that are, in fact, somewhat life or death. Nope, better stop trying to make this paragraph more descriptive with sentences like THAT. 

......

Christmas is close! I think we have nearly everything, except 1 or 2 items that are still in transit. Santa won't really know for sure until she does the wrapping. We always say that as kids get bigger, their presents get smaller and more expensive. That is proving true this year. I'm considering adding a package of underwear for each kid, just to make the Christmas morning pile a little more inviting, as sad as that seems. (But they need underwear! And it would be funny! Maybe!) It's so hard to resist the call of commercialism, telling me that more is better. 

MORE IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER. LET ME TEACH MY KIDS THAT CHRISTMAS ISN'T ABOUT THINGS.

......

I have started taking cholesterol medicine in a very low dosage. I am happy/unhappy about it. Happy because I hope it will really help my stupid high cholesterol number to go down. Unhappy because it  makes me feel like a bad person, THANK YOU DIET CULTURE, that I "let" my cholesterol get so high. I mean, yes, for a couple of years I was following a diet plan that encouraged eggs and real butter/cream over "light" or "low-fat" options... that was probably not great for me. But still, some of it is genetic and I shouldn't have to feel guilt along with the bummed-out feeling of adding an old-person's medicine to my daily pile of pills. Ugh. Anyway, I am on it now, I have been working out pretty damn consistently for a year and a half already, and I am changing some food habits. There is Raisin Bran in my pantry, people. And Benecol in the fridge. Never heard of Benecol? Neither had I! We ate vegetarian black-bean chili last night, and I enjoyed some whole wheat spaghetti on Monday. This is going to happen, my cholesterol will go down and I am going to live a long, healthy life with only the occasional indulgence, so help me. I am mad and on a MISSION. My body had better cooperate. 

Stockings Stress

Okay, it's not really stress, but I am thinking about the kids' stockings today, and wondering if I have enough stuff, and an evenly-matched set of stuff, and and and. 

So after everyone left for school this morning, I went to the Christmas presents hiding place (which has been MOVED after someone [Kate] let on that she knew where the previous hiding place was) and arranged all the stocking things in two piles. 

For Alex, we have:

1. A box of Vandoren V12 size 3.5 B-flat clarinet reeds, which he knows he will get because obviously I had to ask him what kind he likes and would've had NO idea.
2. A travel-size after-shave lotion; he is only shaving every so often (crazy, anyway), but it was a "beauty" product and I was trying to match the type of things in Kate's stocking
3. A silly $1.00 back scratcher from WalMart
4. A mini-Lindor chocolates bag
5. Candy Cane TicTacs
6. A bag of mint-choc penguins (?) that I bought from the private school fundraiser
7. I think, a new AirPods silicone carrying case (if Shawn has bought that)
8. A school-spirit mask (womp womp, but will definitely get used)

For Kate:

1. A new mascara, slightly nicer than typical drugstore brands
2. A light pink lip gloss
3. An inexpensive clear case for her big present this year (an iPhone)
4. A mini-Lindor chocolates bag
5. Candy Cane TicTacs
6. The mint-choc penguins
7. A laptop sticker and a set of sparkly ponytail holders from a favorite store of hers
8. HP Sprocket paper refill
9. Razor blades for her razor (yes, she is also now shaving!)
10. Christmas themed nail files
11. A pair of hypo-allergenic earrings

So see? I have some work to do to balance them out, and they just don't feel very exciting to me. I'll definitely add a clothes gift card for each kid, (one is bought but not yet delivered, the other isn't bought yet), and cash. My mom used to put scratch-off lottery tickets in stockings, which is fun when you're a teen. Probably every stocking should have a hand sanitizer in it this year.... I just don't know. 

Alex kinda needs a non-logoed, adult wallet... Kate ooohs and ahhhs over the Burts Bees gift sets every time we see them... usually I do their favorite pens/pencils (boring, but useful)... maybe a funny bookmark?... Kate's newly into Harry Potter, should I do a chocolate frog or Bertie Bots Every Flavor Beans?... Alex is having oral surgery on the 21st (poor kid), should I stick some Aleve in there for him (haha)?... I feel like all my ideas are very meh. And it's almost too late for ordering anything -- the rest of it will have to be stuff I can find if I go TO the stores. 

Well, anyway, Christmas!

Monday Morning at Home

I love, love, love Monday mornings working from home. Back in the day, when Alex was a baby, I used to WFH every Monday and Thursday. Seems so quaint. Now in 2020 it's more days at home than not, and I am totally okay with that. I did realize last week that there's one drawback to all this flexibility, and that is, I used to very happily tell people that I "left work at work," and I never had to check emails after 5pm. Now, not so much. Since I take breaks during the day to workout, and then to do afternoon carpool and whatever errands need doing, I have to go back to my laptop when we get home, before dinner prep begins. (Dinner is later than it used to be.) And sometimes on weekends. But I think that trade-off is worth it.

This Monday morning I lit 3 candles, to help take away the lingering scent of the turkey gumbo I made yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I love gumbo, including the way it smells. But by the next day, I'm ready for the onions/peppers/roux to be a happy memory. (Same goes for oven fajitas, and red beans and rice, which also tend to linger.) Candles make it feel so cozy. I have my coffee, the Christmas tree is lit, and I'm wearing a not-professional hoodie and no bra because no one will know. So see? I love this life. ;)

Here are some updates.

1. We did go to Savannah for Thanksgiving. I feel incredible guilt about it; I know that the CDC said we weren't supposed to travel. But it was a good visit with Shawn's mom, and I think she really needed it. Not that she doesn't see people -- she does -- but still, she lives alone in 2020. We felt that bringing her some joy was more important. She'd had a COVID test a few days before we came and it came back negative while we were there. (So we know if she gets it, it'll be our fault!) We are all feeling fine so far (it's been just over a week). Prayers that it stays that way. 

2. I was thinking about this recently: I owe you a years-later update on Alex's stature. He has shot up in the last year and is now definitively taller than me: 5'3" and 105 pounds in his junior year. I'm so glad we never made him do the hormone shots. I remember when we were considering all that, and Sherry, you told me your brother grew finally in high school/college. Thank you for telling me that back then. He's still not big, but I'm not worried about him anymore. Incidentally, Kate's on her way, as well, so I'll likely be their "little Mom" when I'm old, haha. 

3. Online Groceries: I've done it twice now. It's muuuuuch faster to pick them up on Sundays, I'll grant you that. And both Aldi and Wal-Mart have done a good job; I've never had to wait longer than 10 minutes. It does seem like I forget things frequently, and have to run to a store one more time during the week to pick something up... but I guess those are quick trips at off-times, so it's safer in general. Yesterday I had to go in-person; I needed several holiday-related things, as well (wrapping paper for the Santa gifts, some stocking stuffers/Advent calendar gifties), and Kate was spending the night out, so it had to be done then. I went early on a Sunday morning and the crowds weren't terrible. 

Shawn is recovering from his last surgery of the year (we hope)! He had a hernia repaired last Tuesday. Quite a year he's had, health-wise, with the liver scare, the melanoma, and the hernia. He's impatient that he still isn't feeling 100%, but he was good and pretty much took it easy this weekend. 

I somehow had a ton of extra energy and the weekend was super-productive for me. I feel I should catalog it here because it's pretty rare that I want to do so much. I took care of a lot of Christmas shopping and wrapping on Saturday, addressed some Christmas cards, did laundry, cleaned up the dead plants from our front yard, and even did a couple hours' worth of work-work on Saturday night until about 10:30. THAT did not feel like me, but it was a project I needed OFF my list. On Sunday I got up early for groceries, then picked up Kate from her friend's (a little more guilt, but it's someone she's seen several times since March, for whatever that's worth), made gumbo, did more laundry, and we even baked sugar cookies (the pre-cut ones you just put on the cookie sheet) after dinner. Who am I?! I don't know. I doubt there will be another weekend like that so I'm grateful for it. If only I could put that kind of energy into my work-week. LOL.

A lot of lifeofadoctor'swife's topics the last few days are things I'm thinking about, too. What should we have for Christmas meals? What's making me feel festive? GIIIIIIFTS to buoy up everyone's moods in 2020... but I'll leave those for future posts, I think. Maybe a post a day this week, to continue using my good energy! 

Here is what we're eating this week:

• Chicken/GreenBeans/Potato Bake - super easy weeknight dinner
• Sloppy Joes with tater tots
• Pork Chops with field peas and rice
• Hawaiian Roll Ham Sliders with Pasta/Vegetable Salad
• ... and some really good leftovers on Friday! 

Grateful for Wednesdays

On Wednesdays, Alex's school district has virtual days. No kids go to school, so buildings and buses can be deep-cleaned. It's a day for teachers to host virtual office hours, for kids to take online tests, work on projects, do homework, and for my kid, to practice music. 

I love Wednesdays. I didn't think I'd miss him quite so much when he went back to class face-to-face earlier this month. Don't get me wrong, the alone-time at home is a treasure, too -- but it is so noticeable when he's gone, after having him here every day since March. I walk by his room on M, T, Th and Fr and can't quite believe he's not there, sitting at his desk.

It's good preparation for the impending college years and beyond, when he won't actually live here anymore (I presume).

On Wednesdays, we watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine at lunch. It's the smallest thing, but it's one of my favorites. I would never have had this time with Alex without the pandemic. I hate the pandemic, I wish it would go away. But I am so, so grateful for the time.

Forward, but How??

It is my policy not to discuss politics in polite company, but what else has been on anyone's mind lately?! (Covid.) I can't decide if it's my age that makes me suddenly more interested in it, or if the news is just louder with politics now than it was when I was in my 20s and 30s so that I can't NOT be interested. I mean, I know that every generation has its huge political issues and battles. But last week, watching the election returns (not) coming in, my gosh, it was long. I couldn't stop refreshing my Twitter feed for those 4 days, and felt like I HAD to know the minute there was a result. And there was such relief on Saturday morning! An answer, an end. (ha, ha, ha)

I feel despondent today about the way forward. Will there be an actual coup? Will the military be involved? What the heck is happening?! Where are the GOOD PEOPLE? AND: How can we possibly work together to understand each other when there are 2 different "realities," based on which news you believe? How in the world can we resolve it? Make each person who speaks publicly do so while wearing a lie detector? (Then the Machines are in charge!! Although, I think that'd be preferable at the moment.) Do away with ALL the news outlets and social media sites, and start over with what?... how...? ...there's no way to do that. News is ruined forever, I guess. Or, put another way, everyone has an agenda. My brain goes in an infinite loop about this. I hope someone out there is smart enough to create a plan to really fix this broken, broken nation.

Meanwhile, I will continue to live my privileged life, typing out weekly dinner menus for my own satisfaction. I guess I can move forward in my world, in some way. 

After cleaning out the fridge and freezer from the hurricane, it feels like we have lots of space and breathing room in our culinary life, lol. I mean, I can see the back of the fridge! There are no olives, no maraschino cherries, no jellies or extra jars. And for a while, there were no Tupperware containers, either! But then, I made a few meals. ;)

S - Jambalaya with chicken and sausage. Family recipe and it is THE BEST. I forgot to buy white beans to put on top, but it was still amazing and made a lot of leftovers.

M - These new-to-us Pork Chops, with green beans and mac and cheese. Our family, aside from me, is not big on vinegar -- not even Balsamic -- but I think enough of it burned off in cooking, or was outplayed enough by rosemary and thyme, as rosemary and thyme do, to not be offensive. I thought they were delicious if slightly overcooked. I'll try them again, probably. 

T - Taco Tuesday on a Tuesday! We like them best with trashy Nacho-flavored shells. :)

W - Creamy Italian Slow Cooker Chicken Noodle Soup and garlic toast. It was a perfect night for it, too, rainy and dark. It only made 4 servings' worth, and I'm bummed about it. Note if you want to try this: Make the pasta separately. Something about cooking the pasta slowly makes it come out gummy and weird. I think it'd be much better if you cook it separately, then put a little serving of it in a big bowl, and then cover that with a ladle or 2 of the soup.

Th - Homemade pizza

F - nothing planned. It's a football game night, but supposed to be cold. Hmmm. Will we or won't we? (Probably will.) 

Other things on my mind include the Holidays... we are supposed to visit Shawn's mom for Thanksgiving - just told her this week, in fact - but I am feeling hesitant about it as cases go up and several older people in my circle (my parents' generation) HAVE Covid right now. I don't want to miss out on seeing her, and I know she needs to feel loved and cared for and visited, but I just am really unsure.

Lastly, grocery shopping. I think I'm ready to give it up in-person for a while. Wearing reading glasses, plus the mask, plus just being around so many people... I don't HAVE to do this, there IS another way. I'm going to try an online order or two this weekend, and see how I feel about it. Maybe it will keep me from picking up extra things I don't need, too (on-sale Cheez-Its, I'm looking at you).

Who Knew?! Tropical Storm in Georgia and its Aftermath

Tropical Storm Zeta came through here in the wee hours (4:30 am) Thursday morning. Wind gusts were up to 60 mph -- they woke me up. Power flickered on and off for about 30 minutes and then went out completely... and stayed out, unlike myself, who was wide awake for the duration. According to Wikipedia, nearly a million people were without power the morning after in metro Atlanta. 

Sorta put a damper on our weekend, not that we had a whole lot planned. School was cancelled Thursday, and we basically sat around the house wondering when the power would come back on. We took a neighborhood walk and saw some debris in the wooded areas, a few small pieces of siding ripped off some houses, and one tree uprooted outside our subdivision. At that point we didn't have cell service, either, which really felt isolating! But the power crews must have restored cell towers early, because that didn't last as long as the rest of the power outage did. We were lucky our stove is gas, and our hot water heater. I made coffee by candlelight, using the lighter to start the stove. Thank goodness for my French press! We got out cards, read books in the daytime (until my Kindle died), and just waited, thinking it wouldn't be long before we were restored. It was sunny, we didn't see much wreckage like you'd expect, and... yeah. You just don't think of north Georgia when you think of hurricanes. Shawn had gone in to work, but by 1:00 he gave up, since there was no power there, either. At 3:00, after a short nap, I felt like I'd need to at least TRY to work some, so I took Kate with me to my office. She was bored and wanted somewhere to go! But no internet there, either. Waste of a trip.

We ate Spaghetti Ohs for dinner and went to bed early, because what else could we do? Surely power would be back on by the morning. 

Except: it wasn't. Kate's school had power, and announced a late start Friday, so I drove her in and then went back to my office. (Thank goodness for: Pop Tarts for breakfast, peanut butter sandwich for lunch! Our food was all slowly going bad in the fridge which we tried not to open.) There, internet was back and I got some work done. Funnily enough, Shawn had taken that day off. So he and Alex were at home, still waiting. Alex's school is still virtual, of course, so a no-go. And again, by the evening we still did not have power. 

The days get really long when there's nothing to do. You don't realize how dependent we are on electricity. Not content for another pantry meal (it would have been soup or ramen), we ordered Subway. We played some Sorry! and cards. I cleaned out some of the fridge and freezer. 

Saturday was more disappointment. I swept off the remaining debris from the front and back porches. With a broom, old-school! Powered by me! (Usually Shawn uses the electric blower for stuff like that.) At noon, we'd had enough hardship-living, and needed to charge devices, so we went to a friend's to do that. Most everyone else we knew had things back up and running -- even in our neighborhood, half of the people did have power, but not our side of the street. Our friends made us pancakes, and then chips and dip, and we watched football and plugged in. Kate was funny -- she took her headphones and sat down with her iPod and barely spoke to anyone for the whole 3 hours, so starved was she for her friends and TikTok. 

We dragged that outing as long as we could -- dinner out (pandemic be damned), walking around in Best Buy, driving around to see if we could find the major damage causing this upheaval (we couldn't)... and we came home at 7:00. Still no power. It was Halloween, and we had no plans to do anything except watch a scary movie and eat candy, but we couldn't even do that. All of us were feeling defeated and depressed. Like, really, with tears and emotions from some of us. 

And then finally at 8:00pm, the angels sang and the fridge starting humming. We were scared to believe it at first. But it stuck. We had lived to tell the tale, and were so grateful for it. We met neighbors outside to cheer and congratulate each other. 

Gracious, what a weekend. Sunday I finished throwing nearly everything away, cleaning the shelves in the fridge and freezer, and then grocery shopping to fill it back up again. (It's nice to NOT have all the extra stuff in there, though.)

We won't forget Halloween 2020 --88 hours in the dark. Just another anxiety-inducing experience in this weirdest year ever. 

The Best Coffee, Pumpkin Bread and What's for Supper

The best coffee, IMHO, is Barnie's Coffee & Tea Company's Santa's White Christmas. I have been drinking it this fall because they sell it year-round, now. Usually I resist and resist, because I love saving the flavor until Christmas -- it feels very Christmasy to me. However, in These Desperate Times, I have taken a less firm stance on it. Give me the coffee that tastes yummy and makes me feel comfort and joy! 

I also discovered just this morning, the Salted Caramel Barrisimo coffee pods at Aldi. Quite delicious, mild, and budget-friendly. (I've been doing a lot of grocery shopping at Aldi lately. I do think it's saving me money and I'm getting used to it; but I still don't love it. A bit of a mental obstacle for me, to shop at the "discount" store, but I am trying to frame it as being wise/responsible. I'm mostly getting fruits/vegetables and raw meats at Aldi; $2.99 for a bag of honeycrisp apples versus $5.49 at Publix. For some things, like canned black beans or boxed pasta, I am not brand-loyal, and a 55-cent can versus a $1.98 is a huge difference. Or, $7 for a box of 10 Keurig pods at Publix versus $4.50 or so at Aldi. For other items, I do still need my favorite brands (Spaghetti-Ohs, frozen breakfasts, sandwich bread, SWC coffee). Anyway, it takes a little longer going to 2 stores, but it's helping me stick to my newly-instituted (by me) grocery budget, and for that I am thankful, and feeling smart.)

----

I had the time and ingredients to make a delicious pumpkin bread yesterday -- 2 loaves' worth! You should try it. One is in the freezer, but I might as well have left it out because we're halfway through the first loaf already. It uses a box of vanilla pudding mix, so you can imagine how tasty and melt-in-your-mouth it is. Goes particularly well with Salted Caramel flavored coffee, I can attest. 

I haven't posted much about the next topic here, on purpose, but I will say my pumpkin bread with cinnamon butter was a nice celebratory treat this morning, after learning I am down 13 pounds since July. I've been working on it, I didn't just lose weight surprisingly. I'm monitoring calories, drinking lots of water and exercising daily -- my main reason is to lower my cholesterol which was startlingly high in July. Darn you, Quarantine Spring, when we ate cookies and chips constantly, and drank tons of coffee with cream (or, I did). 

Of course, what "monitoring" means is "tracking every bite, every day," and yes, I agree that is a Pain. But I've gotten used to it; I use an app, and it seems to be working, so I'll take it. I won't say more, just that if you've done carb-restrictive diets like I have in the past few years, I think I have finally concluded that, for me, this way is better. No food is off-limits, just stay in your calorie-range. If you want Cheetos, eat some Cheetos, but then eat fewer of your suppertime potatoes or something. Bah. Anyway. I still have a few pounds to go until I feel like I'm finished losing, and I hope to be able to enjoy the holiday indulgences a LITTLE, but not too much. I refuse to have to start over in January. 

SO! For dinner this week: 

S (last night): White Bean Chicken Chili

M: Roasted Kielbasa/Chicken Sausage and Potatoes and Broccoli (Sheet-Pan Supper)

T: French Bread Pizzas and Caesar salad (I might eat bean soup that's in the freezer -- fiber!)

W: Whole Wheat Rotini bake, Garlic Knots to negate the goodness of the whole wheat ;)

Th: Pork Tenderloin with Green Bean Casserole (I need a new way to make green beans, but this way works once in a while!)

F: @football game! I think the team will be back to play a home game so it's hot dogs at the stadium, yay!

And you? 

Productivity or Lack Thereof

I am having the hardest time with productivity. Even while working from home. I've tried lots of different approaches to managing it: 

• Making a long, continuous to-do list. Doesn't work. I keep adding to it and feel like I never cross things off; I do, it just doesn't feel like it since the list gets longer.
• Scheduling tasks on my calendar. I've tried to make this work for a LONG time, but it's a hard Nope. I get mad when someone else's meeting (no one respects other people's calendars), or pop-up task, forces me to move MY task. 
• Pomodoro method. Kinda successful, but the time I give myself for a task (25 minutes, 30 minutes) is almost never enough to get it completed. So I start the timer a second time (after a break), but then can't focus again. Probably a me-problem.
• Lately I'm trying the Top 3 tasks of the day method. It's going... ok, I guess, but again, other things pop up and so I don't always even finish 3 measly items. !!!! It's infuriating. 

I've also learned that OMG, when I am in the office, it's nothing but Distraction from my boss! I love her dearly, but she talks to herself, and kind-of halfway to me, through the wall that we share, and it's SUPER annoying. Like, "Mike Smith calling me, wonder what he wants?" or "Did we...." (as she clicks around in her files)... "oh, here is that thing I'm looking for, never mind!" AGHHHH. Working at home so much during COVID has made me really NEED my quiet.

Anyway, I'm at the office today, and I have one meeting at 10:00 am which is a rather stressful topic (and promises one million more tasks in my future), so I'm dreading it. I hope to finish things BEFORE that meeting: Task number one in the next hour. Then task number two after the meeting, and task number three right after lunch and before I have to leave here at 3:00 (am loving the hard-stop at 3:00 for carpool, I have to say). 

I guess I can't stay here and whine about it but need to get going, lol. 

3 Stories, and Dinner Menus for the Week

1. Liver cysts: Back in June, while we were in Destin, Shawn started feeling a sort-of pain in his side. He assumed that he'd pulled a muscle while tossing Kate around in the pool, because she is definitely too old to be tossed at age 12. (She still loves it, though, and he's Fun-Dad enough to do it.) He waited for the feeling to subside but it never did, so finally in mid-August, he went to his primary care doc. She recommended an X-ray and ultrasound, and from that, we got the news that there were some cysts on his liver (who knew?!), and "a 2x2cm mass...." that needed to be further investigated. The news came via a healthcare app, so it was just written, not delivered with any calming guidance from a doctor. And that little word, "mass," when not described as 'probably benign,' or described at all, but just typed out in your record, will make your mind go in the wrong direction. Especially when you schedule the next required thing, an MRI, and have to wait a full week until the appointment. Just about every possibility crossed our minds; me trying to remain positive until we had reason not to be, him feeling the full scope of What If. Understandably. Long story short, the MRI result was better -- just complex cysts, no treatment necessary. But it was certainly an experience. I guess we're in watch-and-see mode now; trying to improve diet by adding fruits/vegetables and fiber, and decreasing fast food. The good thing is, he already has a gastroenterologist to help monitor the situation. 

2. Football: So, Alex's school is playing football, as are all the high schools around here, still surprisingly to me. And the marching band is allowed to play at the home games. They're very socially distanced; they wear masks when not playing (some even while playing, like drums, who don't need their mouths), and they're not wearing their regular uniforms because of handling them and changing in a room together and all that. Of course we want to support the band, so we went to the first game. Masks required. And people were not wearing their masks!! It was just infuriating. The commentator kept saying, in between every quarter, "Fans, please do your part to keep everyone safe: Masks are required at all times. Maintain a safe distance from others. And Go Hoyas!" or something like that.... and still, people sat in the stands and just refused to wear their masks. I can't tell you how annoying it was. We declined to attend the 2nd home game. I'm not sure about the third; it's supposed to be this Friday, but the most recent game was cancelled because of "Covid-19 within the organization." YOU DON'T SAY.

3. Detentions: Ohhhhh, you guys. Kate got 2 detentions for the first time ever. She's not Never been in trouble; in K and 1st, I think, she sometimes got "on yellow" for talking too much, heh. Our little extrovert. But this was 7th-grade trouble. She took her iPod to school (violation #1, devices are not allowed on the premises), and she filmed a TikTok w/her bestie in the girls' restroom, while wearing her uniform with her school's name in huge letters (violation #2). And she posted it. And then, another PARENT reported it. (I'm wrestling with feeling mad about that, and wishing I knew who it was. I have a few suspicions.) She got called in to the principal's office and everything. I'm told she burst into tears. I got to speak with the Assistant Principal for half an hour, and she got her Conduct grade lowered. I feel... bad about it, on the one hand, that we don't have strong enough house-rules that her iPod would have automatically been collected and put away on a school-day morning. But also, she definitely should have known better. The teacher who monitored her detentions was very kind when I picked her up, telling me that it's pretty typical for 7th graders to push limits and try things. We implemented a mini punishment at home, too -- a week without her devices, except for once in the evening to check messages. She wouldn't let me even say the word "detention," she was so uncomfortable with the whole thing. Also part of the punishment, I now check her TikTok every single day. Funny, she hasn't posted a single video since then. 

4. Menus for the week: Before I go into that, we went out to eat on Saturday night! The weather here has been amazing, definitely comfortable enough to sit outside (maybe even slightly too cool), so we took Kate (Alex was away for the night) to the local pizza place. It was so great to be at a restaurant! We wore masks until we sat down, the tables were spread out appropriately, and it felt lovely and normal. I'm not saying we'll do that often, especially not if it gets any colder, but it was a nice treat. This week we're eating at home: 

S - (last night) Chicken Fried Rice (homemade) and egg rolls (from the frozen section). SO easy and good!

M- Maple Glazed Salmon, roasted potatoes and green beans, and French rolls. Family favorite.

T - Hot dogs w/chili, and fries (Tuesdays are my office days and I'm usually wiped out after that)

W - Salisbury Steak,  mashed potatoes, broccoli

Th - Creamy Tomato Pasta (Pioneer Woman), salad

I mean, all of these things are our usual standards, really... I guess because I post so infrequently, it seems like we have the same things all the time. We don't necessarily, but I guess every family has its regular rotation. I should list ours all out, to really see how many different things we typically eat. I sometimes wonder if my family considers me a "good cook," or just an adequate cook. 

F - football game? We'll see.

I hope my 4 readers are all healthy and happy today, enjoying the fall, being productive (or enjoying rest), and feeling content. :)

Things I Haven't Been Doing

1. Singing. I quit the choir as soon as the pandemic started, and I quit being a cantor at Saturday Vigil Masses the minute the director emailed to say "We can go back, but in a limited way." I have felt guilt over this, of course -- the subhead of this blog could be, "She feels guilt about not going to choir" -- but I have also felt something else, new: I just can't fathom singing anymore. Not because of the physical act of singing, which is of course dangerous, what with droplets and all. But because there's no desire to sing. I have no desire to exercise my vocal muscles or improve my talent. It's like all that dried up with society's general optimism. (It's also partly that I don't want to sing what they're singing; the current director doesn't choose things I like or teach music the way I prefer.) I feel a little sad over it, yes. But a little like... it's as good an excuse as any... ? I have long known I don't want to be one of "the old ladies of the choir," meaning I want to stop before I get warbly and grey-haired. And while I'm not "old," I'm sort-of ready to shed that future-persona, already. It's weird. I'm just over it. Being something I really, truly loved to do once, it's a huge change.

2. Blogging. Not even when I gave myself three distinct prompts last time! I owe you stories about football, liver cysts, and detentions. You'll have to wait because I don't feel like it!  

3. Feeling SO nervous when Alex drives. I'm getting used to it. He's now in "his" car, a 4-door sedan, and I think it fits him so much better than my car, a small SUV. He seems more comfortable and it is easier handling than mine, I'll admit. Today he drove carpool to pick Kate up (with me). He's eligible for his license but wants to practice parking/parallel parking a little more before his test. Eeeeeee. This little baby of mine!  

Thanks, Papa Joe, for selling us your car!