Week in Review!

Hey, check me out, I'm openly stealing! It has come to this. :)

Reading:
Wish I could name a book o' the Bible a la Melessa's WIR, but alas, I am not as good a person as she. Maybe I should start with JAMES, though. It's in my head, for some reason. I think the JAMESes are good, uplifting books. To wit:

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. (James 1:5)

We'll put that on the to-do list.

Happily, I'm finally reading Harry Potter 6: the Half-Blood Prince. It's good that I've put a great deal of time between this and the last HP book. Although I've really loved all of them, they can be a bit tiresome (Harry begins schoolyear. Harry dislikes the Dark Arts prof. Hermione is very smart. Ron is not so much. The three of them ward off V-mort again. Hagrid bumbles around with an animal. Dumbledore dispenses sage advice. Harry returns to Privet Drive. The end). Of course, Rowling helps my procrastinating by how long it takes her to write each one! BUT, within her formula plot, she keeps churning out incredibly detailed characters and conflicts, so I forgive her. It'll probably take me a year to read this one; I get through a chapter page or two and drift immediately off to sleep. This is the state of my reading life avec child.

Watching:
So much watching. Our best friend Tivo works hard for us. Let's see, LOST this week was not as much of a mind-blower as the week before; it was more about trying to figure out whatthehelljusthappened. That show consistently impresses me, though. Again, detailed conflicts and several-thousand-layered characters. I LOVE IT. Poor Hurley. He was so sad. (Surprisingly, I did not cry.)

I also have FOUR, count'em, FOUR episodes of Scrubs recorded. Not sure when we'll ever watch those but JD and the gang totally crack me up. Not to mention this week's Amazing Race, a documentary about 9/11 that hubby recorded, and infinite Battlestar Galactica episodes that are so old now (from LAST summer?) I'm not even interested. Gah!

Mostly I'm watching Lady and the Tramp and lately, the Teletubbies. If you can believe this, my son's daycare introduced them to him. Daycare shows them one video per week. When it was Barney it was bad enough (although I had let Barney slide into our lives long before AJ started videos at daycare). But Britain's Weirdest? I did NOT need that. Thanks KidsRKids. "Aly wally Tubby? Aly wally Tubbie?" SIGH.

In My Netflix queue:
Hahahahahaha. We gave up Netflix 2 weeks after AJ arrived. We knew it was a doomed relationship. Hwever, I had recorded TAPS on the Tivo a few weeks ago, and watched it this week. Very good movie; such young versions of Sean Penn, Timothy Hutton and Wacko Cruise. It's one of Hubby's favorites from childhood and I enjoyed it. Pretty shocking, for its time.

What're you reading/writing/watching?

Magic eraser takes out any stain

One of the bad things about blogging when you're down is that it looks like the whole entirety of Thursday, May 11 was spent in the "dark place," unless I post something else. In truth, however, after I worked out (ROAR! Abs and arms today!) I felt much better. Checked off my to-do-list items. Did a little work, in fact. Drank some juice.

What-ever, depressive feelings. Pfft, I say.

Perennial ingrate

Imagine me sitting at the table in my kitchen, AJ safely in place at the daycare, hubby at work, no one to deal with but my sweet iBook and fuzzy, snoring dog; braless, makeupless, shoeless, checking email to discover I had no client bothering me, nothing really on my project radar, drinking coffee with Cool Whip Lite in it. Surfing my blogs. Imagine me, COMPLAINING about that. Good Lord in Heaven, somebody smack me! But there it is, I was ignoring all those good things and feeling sad, instead, when I ran out to Walgreen's to pick up some "Con-grad-ulations" (and, shhhh, Mother's Day) cards that MUST get in the mail today, because I drove RIGHT BY the daycare. And AJ was in there, and not with me. And I couldn't stay out too long becuase I am chained to my computer. Waaaaaa, I Have To Work.

What a righteous B R A T in big bold letters across my rear end. Because I can wallow in that one sad thought for, like, a couple of days if I try really hard. I can let it fester and in a matter of minutes produce real, hot stupid tears about it. I've gotten quite good since I've now been doing this for 22 months. (Like you don't know! I've only spent 42% of this blog going on and on and on about it. Okay, 52%.) It pisses me off. I have all of the best blessings in this LIFE. And I get to talk to grown, interesting adults every day! I am somewhat important to the workings of a business -- validated, in a word! (I am certain the moms that I envy do not get enough Validation for their Work.) And yet, somehow it isn't enough for me. I don't accept it as my final destination. I am not yet Satisfied.

I don't even quite know what it is I want. Mostly, it has to do with the future, because right now, really, it's working. WFM 2 days a week, Good. Daycare, Good. Money! Quite Good. But someday, I will need, and therefore I need to start preparing for:
--Easier logistics. How will I pick up AJ at 2:30 after school if I'm working full time and AN HOUR'S DRIVE AWAY?
--More Time for Him. As AJ gets older, he'll need someone to drive him to things. Like Comic Book Club and Video Game Practice. In fact, my SAHM best friend says she's more glad NOW to have the time for her 9 and 7 10 and 8 (ack! so big!) year olds than when they were toddlers. They need her to be a SAHM more now, for homework and activities and such.
--Summers off. How else am I going to get a freaking tan? But no, in all seriousness, who's going to take AJ to the pool? And enjoy long days with him? And get him interested in the library's summer reading program? I don't want him to have to attend day-camps one after another from June 'til September. The thought of that makes me more sad. I know that kids DO it, and survive, but I didn't have to. And I can't make myself stop attaching what was MY reality to what I think AJ's should be.

So the only thing to do in this situation is to quit sitting here being a sad brat, wishing, and Get Up and Do Something. Make a List. Because if I'm doing the little things on the list, at least then I can restart the Grateful, for this present moment, and stop gnawing at my own arm for the big, bad future.

1. Put roast in crock pot.
2. Workout.
3. Get cards in the mail.
4. Put Shit Away (laundry, mail, random toys, dishes).
5. Email Certain Friend(s) I've been neglecting to reply to.

There now. Moving on. Maybe one of these days I should make a life goals list, too, and work on that.

P.S. Sorry, readers. This is really the worst kind of navel-gazing and my darkest place.

Feeling share-y?

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Sticks and snails

Today, as always, Kira posts a beautful, funny note about the mysterious world of little boys. She being an expert, with three of them. I love love love to read her, because I get a glimpse of -- an education about -- this world OF WHICH I KNOW NOTHING! :) I have a sister, no brothers. "I don't know no" trucks or action heroes or Bionicles. Yesterday I got a small inkling of what my son's world -- and my living room floor -- will become in the next few years ...we had to get a birthday present for AJ's friend Matthew, who turns 2 next week. His mom said, "Anything related to cars or trains." So, I turned our Target cart down the darkly-colored aisle (as opposed to the glittering, pinkly-colored aisle -- are girls' things getting MORE glittery, btw?), and slo-o-o-o-wly perused all the staggering, mysterious boy merchandise. Hot Wheels. Xmen. "Web Copters" and "Ultimate Warriors." And things with names like "Bardock" and "Slimer." I was starting to get short of breath. A little overewhelmed and I have to PICK something out of this mess of parts and plastic?? But AJ, sitting quietly in the cart, knew right away where we were when we reached the transportation area.

"TUTS!" he exclaimed. "Mama, wodududo aww da TUTS!" (He's adding extra syllables into his sentences these days. I love it.) "Yes, honey," I replied.

Look At All The Trucks.

Trucks.

:)

Guess I'm missing out

I really wish I could get inspired by the theme of "cheating," so I could enter this month's B4B. But I can't. I've racked my brain but my sister and I were just too sweet to each other when we played Sorry! and Clue. Oh well. :) Maybe I'll be inspired next month. If you have a novel in the wings about cheating, though, why not go post a chapter? Take a chance! I think you have 'til the end of today.Scratch that, time's up!

I also missed "This Day in the Life". I suppose I could do it retroactively, but I'm not feeling that much energy. The 6th, Saturday, can be summed up thus: Woke up, had breakfast, watched "Lady and the Tramp" twice, observed AJ being adorable, lather-rinse-repeat. Oh, also worked out, yay! And ate dinner on the back porch. Drank a bottle of our Biltmore wine. Got headaches. It was a great day but I'm not able to type out the details this time.

Blogging on the weekend is hard for me. When I'm at work, sitting in front of a computer screen anyway, sure. But when I have a free day? Gettin' out the ol' laptop doesn't really call to me like baking or playing outside or reading a book or...uh... lazing on my sofa do. :)

Dream Friday

Oh, this was a funny one: It was the week of my family's annual beach vacation. It was also the week before a St. Joseph's choir concert of some sort. (In real life we don't do concerts.) So the whole choir went with me to the beach. And the director, who in the dream was one of the sweetest altos in the group, made us rehearse all day every day of MY VACATION! It was crazy. On Thursday, I was hoppin' mad and I told everyone, "We've been here 4 days and I haven't even been to the pool yet! Grumble harumph, mrph mrph!"

So that one's pretty easy to interpret, yes? Methinks I carry the choir "burden" a little closer to my heart than necessary. !

I put all the week's dreams down on paper and thought about them, and it's pretty clear that somehow, I'm not quite satisfied. I'm feeling "in transition," and not sure where the journey is going to lead me next. Things are gray. Murky. Frustrating. I could admit it's relative to my job -- that I don't feel like I want to "settle" HERE in this situation forever -- or, that it's about wanting to move to a small town - specifically, my parents' small town -- or, amazingly, that church choir means enough to me that this decision about whether to quit or not is causing my subconscious much angst... but I think it's just about life in general. According to the email that gets forwarded around, you're supposed to

"Trust your Higher Power that you are exactly where you're meant to be. Let this presence settle into your bones..."

...guess I'm not quite doing that. I'd like to, though. I really would. I think that's what I should take from this little exercise.

Thursday dream

I only remember one scene, of being in a museum/aquarium of some sort, but it was set up in someone's creaky old house. Not an old house renovated to be a museum, but someone's actual home. Some of the rooms were bedrooms. Everything was gray or gray-green. It seems like some of the fish or lizard tanks were dirty, but I can't be sure. It was crowded and people were filing through. I think I was visiting alone, though.

I've read that Gray is "related with a transition period. If it's clear, it signifies peace, but if dull signifies fear." Hm. Not sure which category mine fits into. I guess "transition" might correllate with yesterday's entry, where I was "finding direction." An aquarium can mean that you feel your life is going in circles, going nowhere. A house is supposed to represent your soul and self; each room is a different "aspect of your psyche." There are a ton of other possible meanings for a house; I won't get into everything here. Also, standing in a line means you need patience; you're waiting for something.

This is getting deep! Which is, I guess, exactly what I wanted to do. One more day, and then maybe I'll attempt to share any conclusions. Or, if you have any ideas, feel free to play therapist.

* * * * * * * * *

Yesterday I worked out for an hour with Denise. AND I ate a mini whole wheat pita sammie for lunch (rather than a Hot Pocket), and drank 8 glasses of water/skim milk/juice. Later, I discovered the best workout ever -- I said, "Come on, AJ, let's run!" and then he said the same to the dog, and he laughed and laughed while we raced up and down on the "Back 40," this long stretch of grass in the way-back of our yard. It was great because he kept me going. "MO RUN, Mama? Mo run?" So we did that for about ten or fifteen minutes with small breaks in between. It was light jogging, in poor form and on bumpy grass. But it was fun -- he can be my permanent exercise buddy. Every little bit counts! Happy Friday!

Wednesday dreams

Plus! Bullet points!

-- First off, my dreams last night were choppy and annoying because I KEPT waking up uncomfortably, tossing and turning. No idea why, but I had a song in my head from last night's choir practice that WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. I don't even LIKE this song. But WOW, does it like my head. Every time I woke up it was repeating. Anyway, I dreamed that each line in the song was a rock or landmark on this giant 3D map I was looking at. I kept walking around the map -- IN the map, really -- but all there were, were rocks. And lines from the song. Argh. It had me so irritated! Right before I woke up, that nonsense drifted away, thank god, and I was dreaming that I went to the TMBG concert with my friend Cantus, but it was actually U2 performing TMBG. We were in a lobby, sitting around a table waiting for the show to begin, when in walked (the 1979 skinny, short-haired) Bono and started telling us how he first met John and John. I remember I also had a little blue camera and was very intent on not losing it. (But not so much on TAKING A PICTURE WITH BONO, Duh!!) Possible meanings? Well, my book says a map is about finding direction in your life, and that rocks/boulders are about things that are in your way. "Striving for something higher, but it is not going to be easy." And a camera means I need to look at something objectively, through the lens, so to speak. And Freud says it's a phallic symbol. (Welcome, pervy Googlers!)

Also, the non-sleeping was partly due to the fact that I'm STILL not getting my exercise and was likely a direct message from GOD saying, "GIRL! Heart disease and high cholesterol are a lot worse than tossing and turning, so GET ON IT, and now. You will sleep better."

-- Let's talk about sororities. Now, if you grew up in roughly the same time frame I did, I know you're saying to yourself, "Deltadeltadelta can I helpyahelpyahelpya?" from the SNL skit which gave us sorority girls quite the ditzy reputation. Not to mention Animal House. Even without the bad press from TV and movies, many people see the sorority is a very non-inclusive, non-PC, cliquey sort of an organization. And yeah, there are some ugly parts about it, when illegal hazing happens or unnecessary unkindness. HOWEVER, I pledged a sorority when I was a college freshman, and have never been sorry I did. When you get inside them, they're really about Including new people. And welcoming. I made friends then, I've made even better friends SINCE as an alumna, and then just yesterday I found out that one of my very favorite bloggy buddies is also a "sisterinthebonds." I've always wanted this to happen in real life -- I meet a girl I like and find out (by testing her with the secret handshake, of course) that she's a Delta Gamma. But it hasn't ever, IRL. Except that blogging is real. And friendships are real, no matter how you come by them. :) So I am quite excited. Don't get me wrong, I know sororities aren't all iced tea and ponytails. (Or maybe they are, and that's the problem!) I'm even willing to laugh about the stereotype "sorority girl" with whoever wants to. But know this: after we laugh, I'll tell you what I LIKE about being in a sorority (fraternity, if we're getting official), and this is a prime example. :)

-- Last night, I was going to quit the church choir. I WAS. But seeing as how we only have 3 weeks until we break for summer, and seeing as how I'm only scheduled to cantor TWICE the entire summer, I think I can stick it out 'til August, and then quietly, simply not return. Instead of having to break it off unexpectedly here, before it's finished. Rehearsal was even kinda fun. (Dammit.)

-- Someone please tell me again that AJ and his Daddy are going to grow to be friends. Last night's report was that AJ screamed after dinner, through his whole bath, after his bath, and every moment I was at choir. Evidently he didn't specify "No DA-DA," like he sometimes does when I say, "Want to go sit with Daddy?" -- but I still worry. He's very much Mama's boy, and has been since the beginning. Infanthood was hard on DH. It surprised him, that it was as hard as it was. (Colicky baby.) I worry that eventually he'll lose his desire to keep trying with AJ, that he'll just resign himself to the (incorrect) idea that AJ doesn't like him.... and that they'll have a relationship like DH does with his own father. :( It's not a terrible one, they're just not at all close. I'm afraid that someday I'll have to say, "AJ and his dad have had a rocky relationship since the day he was born." What can I do to help them?

Or maybe it's just teething?

Dreaming: Tuesday

Unfortunately I did not recall much of the night's dreaming this morning. I woke with the last image stuck in my head: the computer screen showing our newest web product at work. So that's lovely. I tried to dissolve said image with a hotter-than-usual shower. :)

2nd dream in a row of a COMPUTER SCREEN! Aye-yi-yi. Perhaps I should look out a window once in a while. Work has been quite busy for me lately -- highly unusual -- with more ahead. I don't really know when it will slow down again. It's fine, I'm somewhat glad of it, but I had gotten really used to having a slow workload. I rather liked it. But that life is no longer! I now breathe and apparently sleep, my job!

Cooking up something

I am percolating a little bloggy-fun regarding dreams. I'm a Seer in my other life, did I tell you? Fo realls, yo. Dreams sometimes have meaning, I'm certain of that. In FACT, my great grandmother was known for HER extra-sensory perception, and I believe that her visions, too, were sometimes born of nightly dreams. (Although, for some reason, when I imagine her dispensing mystic advice to her friends, she's sitting up in a bed during the bright part of daytime, with a California breeze blowing her curtains around her. I've never seen an actual photo like this or been told of it, it's just how my brain imagines the scene.) Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to collect my dreams for a week and then see if they all had some collective corollary -- or if they are all just a load of bunk. Which is also very possible.

Play along with me if you like! We'll determine together if you're eating too much spicy food before bed, or if you're just plain crazy. :) Here's my first 2 installments:

Sunday: (1) My coworker W. and his wife and baby were leaving for Slovakia. The wife hails from there, and they just up and decided they were moving. When I asked W, "What are you going to DO there?" meaning work, he said to me, in the dream, "Guess I'll have to learn to speak Czech." Heh. So, Fear of loss perhaps? (2) The oft-noted "Unprepared for a Test" dream. I hate those! Somehow I am supposed to be taking a big old (music? I think?) test, but I have not begun any measure of studying for it. The Encyclopedia of Dreams says "You have lost confidence in your abilities." To do what, I don't know. I'm actually feelin' quite confident these days, as a mom, wife, employee... who knows.

Monday: I actually dreamed I was reading Joshilyn's blog. Shows you how interesting my life isn't! (No offense to Joss, of course.) But there was a purpose to my mind settling on the subject of her blog -- A week ago I submitted a little meager haiku to her recent haiku contest, and... I'd been kinda hoping to win. So in the dream, I did. :) Hee hee. In real life, I did not. It's cool, I'm (sob!) really okay. For my mom's sake -- she always praised my haiku, as was her duty -- my entry went like this:

Shriveled bananas.
Could be reborn as bread, but
I'm out of eggs, too.

Ha ha! Pure genius, right Mom? I thought it really captured the visual imagery of those brown bananas rotting in my kitchen.

Stepping away

I suppose I should tell you alllll about our trip to Asheville, NC, and the 2 days of what-seemed-like major frivoloty that accompanied. I, for one, spent a good deal of time dreaming of what it would've been like as a Rich Friend of the Vanderbilts, back in 1899. (Hint: It would have been KICK-ASS. To be invited to their "winter home"? For, oh, let's say a few weeks? And stay in one of their 35 guest rooms? And ring the bell for a chamber maid to bring breakfast? And do nothing but Be Pretty and tote my parasol around the gardens? Sounds like My Kind Of Nirvana. A'course, I would have been barred from playing billiards with the men, but... meh. Nothing a few hours of uninterupted reading -- and a 6 course dinner -- couldn't cure.)

It was very refreshing to step away from our world and slow things down for a while. We didn't wake up 'til 8:00 or 8:30 am. We only had to dress OURSELVES. We drank beer one night, and wine the next. We dined at a restaurant with actual cloth napkins. We wandered around downtown with no agenda. On second thought really... the weekend WAS my Nirvana. 'Cause contrary to 1899, WE have air conditioning and ladies get to wear shorts and a t-shirt.

Edited to add: (I can't believe I forgot to say this but it must be a good sign) I *did* miss AJ a teensy bit. :)

...and now for something

...completely bitchy!

WHY DOES MY COWORKER EAT THE SAME THREE CRRRRRRUNCHIEST FOODS IN THE UNIVERSE,

every


single


day


??!?!???!

10:30, Bavarian Pretzels.
11:30, lunch with approximately 29 tortilla chips.
2:30, a nice, cold apple from the fridge.

He may as well be grinding concrete with a jackhammer, the way my ears react to it.

I miss walls.


P.S. Let me clarify this for everyone, just in case -- People should be allowed to eat apples. Others of my dear coworkers eat apples and it bothers me not. I ate an apple just yesterday. They're good for you and full of fiber. Eat! Fruit is a miracle and proof of God! But THIS particular coworker POPS! the big bite off with his top teeth, then peels the piece off into his OPEN MOUTH, then closes his chompers onto it. That is very different from plainly, *politely* enjoying a red delicious. Ahem. / rant

honestly, thankfully, attentively...

Those words, via Toni's old blog, have inspired me for more than a year now. They're taped to the cabinet in my little cubicle, right where I can see them. :)

Monday as I was going around my round, trying to squeeze in all the daily tasks like Swiffering the floors (sooo dirty with warmer weather and playing outside), dusting the furniture, folding little sockies (and sockies and sockies), paying bills (and bills and bills), I tried, really tried, to remain thankful. Thank You, for the fact that I HAVE these days at home when I really should be working 7 hours straight for WORK, but Thank You, that I sometimes don't. Thank You, for the secrecy of not being watched or made to post my time. Thank You, for giving me such a beautiful child whose socks I'm folding. Thank You, for the money to pay for a new bottle of Tide since I see we're running low today. Thank You, for a husband who isn't a slob, who motivates me just by being himself, to clean up my crap.

It's like a mantra. Or like that form of prayer, what's it called? Centering Prayer -- where you just repeat and focus on one word. Jesus. Jesus. Or, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Saying it was a comfort Monday, even while I felt hurried, pushed to get all that home-caring stuff knocked off my list. (Also made me feel better while doing work-work.)

Honest about my feelings. Church Choir. Not happy. Not making me happy to go there anymore. After we break for the summer, I'm out. Finished. No -- maybe not forever, just... suspended for a time. I really need this time, every bit that I can soak up, to be with AJ and my husband. You just don't get time back, and if it isn't making me happy, I can't continue to spend it. And honestly? I do feel like I'm missing out on something. When DH and I were just starting to date seriously, we did go to church together. We held hands during the homily. We gave each other the Kiss of Peace (one of the major benefits of being married, I think, is KNOWING that you'll turn to your spouse FIRST for the Kiss of Peace, don't you think? Instead of wondering, "Do I go left or right? Is the person to my left alone? Because if so, I'll turn to the left." Hee.) I just value worshipping together; however zoned out we are on a given Sunday, at least we're there, next to each other, hearing the same message and breathing the same incensed air. And yes, we're still together if I'm in the choir area while he's in the pews... but it's not the same. It's not "family" time, in my mind. Instead it's me, Apart from them. No good. It'll be hard to tell my choir buddies and the director, but oh well. I'll just have to take a deep breath and tell him. He'll have to live with it.

Last night I had Not-Book-Club with 2 friends, Nancy and Jennifer (we were a bit disabled by illness and babysitter issues, usually we have about 8) and it was wonderful. Although, for the 2nd month in a row, I get an "F" in Book Club for not even BUYING the book. Sigh. I am going to be more dedicated to this from now on. Attentive. Because one of the best things in the entire WORLD is a good book discussion, and I want to help create those. Despite our BC handicaps (Amy Tan's Saving Fish from Drowning was determined to be not as good as her other books, and much too character-heavy -- we talked about it exactly 14 minutes I think), we had a great time. It is such a blessing to have friends you can count on, for advice and support and wine. :) And I'm not just saying this because I told them about my blog and they might be reading. (hi, guys!) I'm saying it because one of my great weaknesses is being inattentive to my friendships. And I need to rememdyremedy that.

Edited: evidently another great weakness is typing. rememdy. Ha.

Things I love:

• As mentioned in a comment I made TO MY OWN POST (I am so cool!): Jonathan Antin. Okay, so he's not a "thing," exactly, but his Image is. His "brand." His themesong -- which, incidentally, is "It's Your THANG" (Isley Brothers, go look it up at iTunes). Anyway, I could eat him up. He's delicious and so Uber-Self-Focused I can't even stand him... but somehow I'm also mesmerized by him. He is an Entity. Anyone else have an opinion about the EGO who's (humbly) "just a guy who does hair?" Or is it just me? I have to tell you, my husband wants to BE Jonathan. And yet he calls it, "One of those dumb shows you make me watch." Ha.
  
• Turn right, 180 degrees. On a completely different note! I love The British. We had a visiting bishop from England at Mass yesterday and I could just listen to him all day while he repeats the word "Ev-ah-laHHHst-ing." He was also SO very gracious and Thanked everyone at the end of the liturgy, including "the Choi-ah-MAHster and the choi-ah." We were so proud. Y'know, our pastor, as much as I like him, has been Pastor with a capital P for more than 8 years now at St. J's, and he's QUITE forgotten about thanking people. You'd think that after the 3-HOUR Easter Vigil, he might have said some itty bitty bit of thanks to the altar servers, Eucharistic ministers, lectors, and choir who all put sooo much into making the service nice for the newly baptized. But he didn't. Anyway, I LOVE English clergy. (I pretended I was in a little English church in the country. Episcopal, yo. It's a fantasy of mine.)
  
• Neat bedrooms. And by that I mean Tidy. DH cleaned up AJ's room this weekend since it was his turn to vacuum, and man, does it look great. Books all lined up nicely, with all the Little Golden Book foil spines together and all the Touch and Feel Series spines together... train-sets lovingly displayed and blocks stacked, changing table shelves masterfully organized... it's like before AJ was born! We're trying to teach him how to clean up before bedtime. Ha, ha. I wonder: when they get old enough to understand, do you have to let 'em have their mess until, say, the weekend? Or can you say, "Clean up this pig-sty RIGHT NOW!" every evening? Hee hee.
  
• Five-dollar stuffed animals. Is the Disney Store re-imagined? I thought all the Disney Stores shut down, but it appears they've revamped. We went to the mall on Saturday and we found one. In its window sat a $5-Bear (in the Big Blue House). FIVE! It was placed carefully at AJ's stroller level and I spotted it. DH was ahead of me so I called his NAME -- which I never say, I always call him "Honey." With that, he knew it must be Important, and he went right in and paid with Cash. AJ is in love. When I put him to bed Saturday night, I handed him is blankies and his pacifier as is S.O.P., but he reached instead for Bear's hand, and pulled the new best friend to him to snuggle up. So cute! I love the new Disney Store.

Gratitude Friday

Today I am grateful for ~ The time I took to work out yesterday. I'm once again motivated to get with it and get myself in shape, and the sore muscles all along my obliques and lower abs tell me that "Yeah! I did it!" I'm grateful that my knees only hurt a little bit when I go down the stairs, but it's not cool that they hurt at all, so, yay! workout! burn that butter! ~ Fresh veggies. I went to the market yesterday and bought yellow summer squash, red bell pepper, green bell pepper (which AJ called "gee app-ple" hee hee), and sweet onions, and grilled 'em with our steaks. One thing I realized about eating healthy is that it does take some time and effort. Time to chop the veggies. To cook the brown rice (vs. Minute Rice or... Pizza Hut). Time to Pack a Lunch instead of relying on Wendy's. I don't know how I'm going to squeeze those behaviors in, but I'm grateful for the hope of being able to. ~ Steady work. I've got a to-do list on my desk at the office and it's full, but not scary-overwhelming. I think it's just enough to fill 8 hours. ~ Rain the last couple of days, to water our gardens and keep the pollen counts down. Hubby is going through his annual bout of hayfever and he's been miserable! But, less so yesterday, because it was damp and the dust and pollen were washed away a bit. ~ Also grateful for Claritin. ~ A vacation to look forward to. It's just 2 days, but I've had an awful lot of fun thinking about it since Wednesday! As in, when I think about it I smile and my heart gets a little fluttery. Isn't that silly? But, oh, my Soul needs rejuvinating in that romantical way, and I'm so grateful for the anticipation. :)

A meme of themes, on Shuffle!

This is pretty cool. You're supposed to put your iPod on Shuffle and answer the questions below using whatever title pops up as you read the questions out loud. Hey, heyyy, it's 21st-century Magic 8 Ball! No cheating! I found it at Laylabean. Go look at some of the other ones that she references: funny stuff!

So here goes nothing, let's see *exactly* who I am... shuffle... and... go!

1. How does the world see you?
Let Me Love Tonight (Harry Connick Jr). Hmm. Really? Then I need to get some new silky pajamas. Yikes.

2. Will I have a happy life?
HAHAHA! Lollipops and Roses (Herb Alpert & Tiijuana Brass) Awesome. :)

3. What do my friends really think of me?
Reach Up For the Sunrise (Duran Duran) Aw, thanks friends.

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
Mandy (Barry Manilow) Oh well. Can't compete with Mandy!

5. How can I make myself happy?
Surround (Dada) No kidding, y'all. That's how it answered me. (Obviously iPod wants me to surround myself with all you wonderful friends and family.) Freaky-deaky.

6. What should I do with my life?
Gloria (U2) SING! See! I should be a diva and Sing Gloria! I knew it! If only the church gig paid better.

7. Will I ever have children?
Whipped Cream (Herb Alpert) Um. What?

8. What is some good advice for me?
Where the Streets Have No Name. (U2) I'm thinking maybe I don't have as much variety in my listening library as I thought I did.

9. How will I be remembered?
Get Me Out of Here (Billy Pilgrim) I will be remembered for complaining about work. Heh.

10. What is my signature song?
Blue Highway (Billy Idol) ...at least my husband will be proud that I've chosen a Billy Idol song. Otherwise I have no idea. It's a song about riding motorcycles. Uh, yeah.

11. What do I think my current theme song is?
Weather With You (Crowded House) Nice. Probably true. "Walking round the room, singing stormy weather, at 57 Mt. Pleasant Street..."

12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Always & Forever (My Dad is Dead) One of my favorite lines is this: "Maybe it's dumb luck, 'cause my luck has never been too sharp... things can change, they don't have to stay the same..."

13. What song will play at my funeral?
Night and Day (Esquivel) Cheesey on top of Cheese. I love it. Everybody samba!

14. What types of men/women do I like?
Are you With Me? (Color) Only the ones like me, evidently. I hope that isn't true.

15. What kind of day will I have?
Whipped Cream. Sigh. At least I did my workout today. All this whipped cream is getting kinda out of hand.

R&R at a B&B

I'm so excited -- I've just booked our anniversary vacation in Asheville, NC. It would have been quite nice if DH had done it FOR me... last night when we FINALlY got online together to do some research, my PMSy self was kinda ticked that *I* was having to do this, and I was blaming him that it was this late date, even though I haven't made it a priority any more than he has. I mean, wouldn't it have been special if he'd whisked me away and said, "It's all planned, I'm taking you away to a quaint little inn in the mountains, and don't you worry about a thing!"?? Wouldn't it? But I'm resolved not to be such a whiny-butt because we have reservations, we have what appears to be the nicest room at our B&B, tickets to the Biltmore -- America's only CASTLE! and since I know I'll never get DH to Europe to see any real ones this will have to do -- we have double massages scheduled for Saturday morning, I've got my eye on a trendy restaurant, I plan to window-shop, and it's going to be grown-up fun, fun fun. We may even drink WINE like we did back in the good old days. When we were in Luv. :)

Now I have to figure out a gift for him. I'm glad for the massage: he's been working really hard and truly deserves to be pampered a bit, himself. And he's never had one before. But what should I get him for a present to unwrap? Any ideas?

My circadian rhythm hurts

Ah'm tarred.

(My husband's grandfather, who displays that accent from the hills of Tennessee, turns 80 today -- happy birthday, Grandad!)

Easter weekend was a blur. My parents arrived around 6:30 on Friday, after I sent them on the longest short cut that ever was, to try and avoid Atlanta traffic. Oops. We had a great time together, although AJ was a little bit thrown off with extra people in his house and atypical meal/playtime/daycare schedules. He's fine now -- sleeping soundly -- but I'm dragging. I've juiced up with coffee AND tea, but still can't find my mojo. :) It could be that the Easter Vigil service, which lasted from 8:30 'til 11:30 p.m. Saturday night, and in which the choir sang about 89% of the time, wore me plain out. It could be.

(Self-inflating aside: Given the choice I'd still do this year's Vigil again, I think. I was in good voice -- I felt the most prepared I've ever felt for Easter, personally, and my big solo actually made me HAPPY. It was a beautiful piece, for one thing -- not a hokey-pokey hootenany guitar hymn -- and I managed, by the grace of God, to sing it well. It's rare that I'm really pleased with my own singing. I can always find my vocal shortcomings and I'm okay with having them -- but this once, it was nice to feel really GOOD about a song. It was an Easter present from God to me -- I sounded pretty. Yay, me! A girl's allowed to be proud of herself, right?)

What really got my circadian rhythm off was AFTER Mass. I had to go home and prep the Easter Bunny's props. You'd a-thought maybe the Bunny's Better Half might have done some of this while I was gone for 3 hours, but he didn't. And I guess his family tradition for Easter wasn't much "to-do," like mine was; he always woke to a basket of candy. My sis and I always woke to candy, stickers, small presents neatly layed out on the fireplace hearth, eggs hidden in the yard, dyed eggs from the day before... The Workz. So anyway, he was little help and Mom and I had to fuss over The Display all by ourselves....'til 1:00am. Then we got up at 6 to make sure the Bunny hid eggs in the yard like he's supposed to. And we went to the morning Mass Sunday, then to my cousin's house an hour away for the rest of the day. And I jumped on a trampoline! And chased my cousin's 8-year-old daughter, who wanted very much to babysit AJ. Whew. I never quite caught up from Saturday night, is what I'm trying to say. Ti-red.

But AJ enjoyed his chockie bunny for Easter breakfast, and strawberries for Easter dinner! He wasn't into the jelly beans, walked right past the Peeps, and BARELY cared about the crayons or the airplane toy or the John Deere playset. What he wanted most for Easter was M&Ms and

his new Glitter Play Doh.

It is ALL. He. Wants. To. Do. I gave him a star-shaped cookie cutter, so now, we open each can of Smooshy Goodness, one at a time, make a star, and stack the stars one on top of the other. Let me rephrase that. I make all the stars. He watches me do all the work. Then he's done. His interest departs and Mommy's stuck, literally, with her big butt in a kid-sized chair, and copious amounts of 'Doh that now need to be put away before they dry out. We seem to want to do this at least 3 times a day. I'll leave you with that since he's waking from his nap now (the Lucky Duck).

The best compliment

AJ's teacher told me yesterday that he is "such a sweet little boy;" ...that they "all wish [they] could clone him;" ...and that of all the kids in the class, he is the one who'll sit down when he's asked to, or help clean up after an activity.

I can't tell you how happy that makes me.

At first, I got all nonplussed at her compliments, and tripped over deflecting them as fast as possible. As if my saying, "Well, you know, he's not always an angel at home," would somehow "equal him out" to all the other kids. And I would feel less self-congratulatory because, you know, Husband and I don't always have the answers as parents. We're not doing any better disciplining/raising/loving him than any of the other parents, I wanted to tell her.

But then I had to stop myself, because Jiminy Cricket looked up at me from the floor and said, "Um, excuse me? That compliment wasn't for you, Swellhead. It was for AJ." ("Geez, Jiminy...," I responded. "Ya gotta be so snippy??") Butno, seriously... AJ, himself -- separate from me or anything I do to him, around him, with him -- has a gentle make-up, a well-behaved demeanor. It's him! It's biology. Nothing really to do with me at all!

It's the tiniest bit bittersweet -- it's so easy, natural, for us parents of the littlest ones to think they are "mine, all mine." That they're a direct result of US. And they are to a certain extent, but after a while, they actually do become real little PEOPLE, as my mother always says. And we have to learn how to release our grip from around them, and watch them BE. And be proud FOR them, but not OF.

I'm so pleased. Oh, I know... we're not finished by a long shot, and every good thing that we manage to do as parents will help shape the person he eventually becomes. But it looks like he's got himself a pretty solid foundation already.

Spoken aloud, to no one in particular

...as I pulled my new guest room bedskirt from the warm dryer:

"Oh, no. Am I going to have to actually IRON you stupid thing?"


(It's one of those nifty flat-panel bed skirts. Ergh. I hate to iron.)

The "i" meme

i am: researching rice + chicken + veggie recipes. It seems that mixing with RICE is the only way to get AJ to eat. Anything. Lately. (besides fruit or Saltines).
i think: parenting is made harder than it ought to be, by all the stinking advice books.
i know: my husband loves me deeply.
i have: a nice home with a pretty yard, esp. in spring.
i hate: Atlanta traffic, and spending so much time fighting it.
i don’t: drink very much alcohol. Not that I'm a teetotaler, I've just never been interested. (Except that year or so right after college when I felt pretty grown up and thought getting drunk was fun.)
i can’t: stay awake much past 11:00 anymore. Sometimes 9:00.
i can: do a backflip off the diving board or on the trampoline.
i will: take out the garbage if I have to.
i won’t: mow the lawn until it is physically impossible for my husband or my son to do it. I know that's wimpy and 'sheltered girl' of me but that's the facts.
i miss: summers of my youth. The freedom of having WHOLE DAYS with nothing planned, no responsibilities; of saying "I'm bored;" of asking Mom, at, oh idunno, 1pm, "Can we go to the pool?" And her saying, "Ok."
i fear: the possible terrible things that could happen to AJ; seeing him in grave pain.
i feel: incredibly lucky sometimes.
i hear: typing and clicking of my coworkers; someone on the phone; hum of my computer
i smell: kinda like soggy corn flakes. I used Jergen's Natural Glow lotion today and that's what I think it makes me smell like.
i crave: vacations. peace and laughter, and lately, small-town life.
i wonder: if we will end up going anywhere for our anniversary. (We have yet to book a room in Asheville. Sigh.)
i regret: that I have a few little regrets, but sometimes I do. I sorta regret my useless college major, my 4-year dating relationship that went nowhere (wasted time when I could have dated plenty of other interesting people), that we live so far from our parents... but on the other hand, we might not be where we are without the decisions we made in the past...
i love: Oreos. Ice Cream. Brownies. Oh, yeah, people too -- family, friends, yadda yadda…
i dream: often. I usually remember them, too. I believe some dreams are meant to tell me something, and others are random neurons firing.
i long: to work part-time and have no financial worry about that decision. (plenty for savings, college fund, etc.)
i care: about my health, but still I don't get my recommended 30 minutes a day of exercise. Whywhywhywhywhy?
i always: sing. I try to stay in some sort of choir always.
i am not: tall.
i believe: (easy one) that things happen for a reason.
i smile: less often than I should. With my life, I should be smiling 100% of the time.
i laugh: out loud when I read and watch TV.
i collect: $100 bills. If you have any spare ones, send them my way.
i play: a lot of different kinds of solitaire. The old-fashioned way, with cards.
i write: fairly well, but not well enough that I think I could have a career freelancing.
i await: 4:00 pm every day.
i cook: on a 20-year-old Jenn-Aire with only 2 working burners. Argh.
i trust: that God is leading me on the path of my life, and that even when I'm ignoring Him, He's still with me.
i intend: to get back to work after doing this.
i search: using Google and wikipedia.
i look: at people's lips when I should look up at their eyes. I am constantly trying to fix this habit.
i shout: at the dog when he knocks AJ down or wanders into the ivy in our backyard.
i whisper: when I read "Mr. Brown Can Moo," on the 'whisper, whisper' page.
i conquer: mountains.... of laundry. (lately, all by myself where my husband used to help, but oh well.)
i listen: to easy listening artists (think '60s ooo-wah stuff) like Herb Alpert and Esquivel, more often than you might think.
i ignore: people who stand in intersections asking for money, whether they're "begging" for themselves or walking around with buckets for "charity." (I don’t know whether to mistrust or pity them, so I just pretend they aren't there.)
i live: day by day.

I found this in some of Madame Rubies' archives. Thanks, H! This was fun.

Picnic moment

Yet another happy springtime moment that made me want to freeze time:

Sunday afternoon, freshly mowed grass, AJ, Mommy, snacktime... Peanut butter & honey, saltines, a bottle of water, and a blue and white dishtowel for a picnic blanket. He dipped into that PB over and over and over again. His first taste of honey. He kept focused on it, less interested in anything else, except maybe the occassional bee or a passing car. We just sat there dipping, crunching, not talking in the breeze and the shade. :)

3...2...1... tornado

Here's the play-by-play. Friday night, DH and I did our usual camp-out on the living room couch, and got to bed by about midnight-thirty. The weather-man was predicting storms, which bummed DH out a bit, needing to mow the lawn Saturday as he did. But oh well, we said, we can take the car for its oil change and then just get some housework done if it rains all day. I guess in the back of our minds we knew the storms had caused some trouble in the mid-west and to be on alert, but we proceeded as normal.

3:45 a.m... I wake up to the delightfully creepy sound of the county sirens. I lay there and listen for the full five minutes, and no one else in my house stirs. There's nothing going on outside, so in my sleepy state I can't figure if they're just testing the alarm, or what. Five minutes more I lay there, all is still and quiet. And then, it starts raining. And then, it sounds like hail. Hmm. I get up to look out the bathroom window, just as I start hearing what sounds like branches and leaves hitting the house. DH wakes up, startled. And when I lift the shade in the window, our enormous poplar and sycamore trees (don't know quite how I could see so well, as it was the middle of the night) are absolutely bending IN HALF with the wind. I tell DH that the sirens went off, and he determines that we'd better make haste to the basement. I think his exact words were, "Get downstairs, NOW." I grab AJ and down we go. At the front door, we hesitated, because there seemed to be a lull... then we saw a flash of that famous green lightning. I've never gone down a flight of stairs so fast!

We stayed downstairs for about 30 minutes, with poor AJ going, "AJ room? AJ room?" What, standing under the staircase at 4 a.m. isn't your idea of fun, kiddo? So innocent. I kept thinking of my elementary school tornado drills, where they'd have us line up down the hall and crouch with our heads covered, facing the walls. If kids weren't scared of tornados before that, they certainly were after. Creepy. We just stood there waiting. Wondering if it was safe to peek out the window. Watching the power flicker.

After it was over? all quiet again. Like it never happened. I'm sure it rained more throughout the morning, but we went back to bed and slept pretty hard 'til about 7:30.

Y'all, the thing went right through our subdivision. Next morning, in the quiet rain, we learned that one street over, uprooted trees had fallen on homes. Cracked trees had crushed a few fences. We had plenty of cleanup, ourselves, but we were BLESSED to live on the right side of the hill -- no damage. They've been saying it was "just" an F-zero or F1. But Lordy, we spent all of Saturday grateful: 1) that AJ enjoys picking up sticks (ha), 2) that we have a basement, and got our butts down there, and 3) that we weren't on the phone with the insurance company trying to figure out how to get our life back.

This day in the life

A couple months back, Sheryl at papernapkin suggested we all do these "day in the life" posts on the 6th of the month, since really, it's the 6th that is usually the MOST interesting day of any month. Hee. No seriously, I love reading how other people spend their days. So, here's my Thurs. Enjoy!

6:00 am Drag sorry ass out of the softest sheets in the universe. Seriously, I love these sheets. Rub eyes. Stretch. Hop in the shower.

6:20 AJ's stirring. DH's turn to retrive him from his crib, so I watch and wait, in my bathrobe, for the best moment of the day...

6:25 (after diaper-changing)...AJ arrives! Gives Mama a morning hug and kiss. Begins watching Jay-Jay Jet Plane. :)

6:35 getting me and AJ dressed. AJ fusses about having to take off his jammies. They must be soft like my sheets. I understand completely, but apply his khakis and long-sleeved Tee anyway. I'm wearing ripped jeans and a t-shirt, and no makeup, since I am fairly certain I'll be staying home today.

6:45 go downstairs (all 3 of us), get Napoleon fed and watered, argue with AJ (a little) that the TV is not coming on just yet. DH kisses us goodbye and leaves for work.

7:00 AJ's determined he's having "Pancakes? pancakes?" this morning, so after we record him saying that for about 4 minutes on the iPod (love that I can do that!), I pull out the Bisquik. Half a recipe outta do us. AJ runs around excitedly. Polie yelps. We think he's getting arthritic. Poor doggie.

7:10 While pancakes cook, call Daycare to make SURE that, even though he had no fever, and no other symptoms, and even had a less-runny poopoo this morning (TMI!)... he still can't come back 'til 24 hours of diarrhea-free living. Argh. Fine. Resign myself to the fact I'll get exactly 2.5 hours of work done today (minus the time it's taking me to type this, ha!). Cool. Sorta like a day off. Right here, I should have given a quick silent thanks for this little gift from God, but I didn't... I did later, though... :)

7:45 "Pancakes all gone." Rev up the DVD player and "Bear in the Big Blue House." Sit with AJ on the couch and watch a little bit. Make coffee because my eyes feel like they're filled with sand! I stayed up last night 'til 12:00am... why? ... stressed out a little. Argh. Need caffeine.

8:00-9:00 hour While AJ's playing and watching tv some more, I've turned on the computer in the laundry room and managed to check email. DH called to see if I was staying home or going to work. AJ and I play on the computer together at playhousedisney.com. He ADORES the page where you can make "Clay" change colors. He hits the mouse button and giggles and giggles.

10:00 - 11:00 Go upstairs to get our shoes, so we can go outside. When I go to change AJ's diaper, I ask if he wants to go potty.... he does! Yay! Carefully I take his bare-bottomed self into the bathroom (usually when he pees is on the way), and sit him on the potty where... (Today's momentous occasion ahead:) he pee-pees and poops!! On the Potty!! Like a Big Boy! I am uber proud of him as this is the first poo poo experience a la toilette. He is kickin' ass and takin' names with this potty training stuff! Woot! We wash hands, get our shoes, and go back downstairs, all the while chanting "AJ big boy!" And then he gets to eat his ONE m&m, which he S A V O R S. (It's his first m&m experience, too.) ....our playing outside is awesome. We hop like bunnies, chase Napoleon, pick up sticks, watch a cardinal for about 3 full minutes, and babble, babble, babble. (And I do give thanks for these moments.) :)

11:00 Lunch. (Whew, is it only lunchtime?) AJ eats applesauce even though I've made chicken nuggets and tater tots, as well. I eat (two) chicken burritos. *burp* Shouldn't have had the 2nd one.

11:30 ...bliss! NAP TIME! I sit myself down with a Coke (bad) and get to work making an agenda for the campus visit I'm making to Berry College tomorrow. And now I'm here.

(more to come... AJ's waking up. It's now nearly 2pm...)

2:00 pm We take Polie out, although he's not allowed to play ball, much to his chagrin. He's on ball restriction due to the limping and yelping. Then I realize I don't have much time 'til we need to leave to go visit with my sophisticated friend, Stacy -- she's great, and one of those people who ALWAYS looks Put Together, no matter if she's toting her three little boys with her or not. You can hate her if you like. Anyway, I...? might need some deodorant. And makeup. We go upstairs.

3:00 pm Time to leave for the park. Stacy'll be there at 3:30. Phone rings. Argh... my boss. (Does he not remember I am off the clock at 3 on WFH days? Evidently not.) He hears AJ throwing a mini-fit as I put him in his carseat, and he comments, nicely, "Whooooa, there, do you need to call me back?" I'm slightly embarassed (don't know why), but shut the car door and talk to him for 2 minutes -- work crisis averted -- then get in the car and we're on our way!

At the park, we meet up with Stacy (half-hour late, she took a wrong turn, making me feel slightly better about my lack of a hair-do and my stylish jeans/t-shirt/ dirty-sneakers combo). The boys play; we have I-KEEM across the street; we drink water from the water fountain... it was a really nice afternoon.

At around 5, we head home. AJ's received a package from Gammy in the mail! Fun -- Lady & the Tramp! I am WAY more excited about it than he is, but he concedes to watching it a while, as I get dinner started. Ham-Broccoli Crescent Ring and Stouffer's "Harvest apples." I am certain AJ's not going to eat this, though (there's Dijon mustard in the ham-broccoli mix). So I make him a ham-butter sandwich instead, and hope for the best. Well... by 6:40 it's obvious DH won't get home 'til 7, so I get AJ into the highchair, and he starts his dinner refuses the sandwich. I remember there's rice in the fridge, and give him that instead -- he eats like a horse. (I am a wimp! He is going to grow up spoiled! Oh dear.)

7:00 pm My Honey arrives. Yay. AJ's glad, because his apples have been put on hold 'til Daddy gets here. We sit down, eat pretty quickly, and listen to AJ say, "AJ ay it awww." (AJ ate it all!) His longest spoken sentence at 4 words! Damn, we are proud of this kid today!

After dinner DH gives AJ his bath, we put on jammies, sit on Mama and Daddy's bed, as is our custom, and then he goes to bed. DH and I are now watching the hockey game trepidatiously (is that a word?), and getting ready to plan our vacation days for the rest of the year. Oh yeah, and I went to our printer downstairs and printed out directions to Berry.

It's 9:11 pm. Wasn't that fun? The nitty gritty; the very mundane. :) ...It was a good day.

What poopy diapers make me think of

I'm doing better about accepting my "station in life," that is, my status as a full-time working mom. Actually, work's made that a little easier by virtue of the fact we've just launched a new Widget that is pretty cool, and interests me. (Imagine that!) So I haven't had the time or inclination to whine about waaaanting SAHM-hood lately. Today, however, I had a small inkling of it.

Daycare called and said AJ was sick. Poopy diapers, 4 of the kind that leak, in under 4 hours. Fabulous. Knowing my husband is swamped beyond swamped AS USUAL and he can't get away, I started packing up my stuff to go get the little guy. That's no biggie, takin' one for the Team. But the whole way there, you know what I thought about? I stressed about WORK. I mulled over papers and agenda items that didn't get done and my schedule the rest of the week. Isn't there something "off" there? I mean, if my kid is sick, shouldn't I spend the drive fully worried about HIM? Not worried about a client, or a document, or a web site? I don't know, it just struck me as skewed. I know, as a working mom, that my time is divided between the two jobs... it just seems like my mind and heart shouldn't be that divided; they should easily revert back to focus on the Mom-job when there's sickness or emergency involved. I can't quite verbalize what I mean.

On a related note, this morning I heard a country song -- clearly, I listen to all the wrong radio stations -- that made me think about leaving home, and how, when I left for college in 1992, little did I know I'd left "for good." I unintentionally never went back. I have never lived in my hometown, with my family, since then. And that doesn't feel right either. I got an incredible, teary-eyed urge to really, truly give it all up and go back home. Not because of the working-mom thing directly (although it plays a small role since I might be able to work part-time with a lower cost of living down there)... but just because People Should Stick Together. Families. Especially after my uncle's death, it's been on my mind. Home should be HOME. Simple as that.

I'm sorry - more with the birds

Dudes. I'm all about seeing different species right in my very own backyard. It is cool. The colors, and the magnificent little chirping songs have to be evidence of God's goodness. Not to mention a pretty kickass nature lesson.


However.


THIS GUY??



SCARED THE EVER-LOVING CRAP OUT OF ME YESTERDAY when he jumped up out of nowhere and landed in my window frame. He has a wingspan of what looked like about 6 feet yesterday (but is only about 2.5, I learned upon researching,)... With that dark black coloring and ominous large beak though, capable of piercing small children's eyes out? ...seriously, give me the fat little tweety birdies. I can do without the red-crested fire-breathing ones.

He's not angelic all the time

I want to clarify one thing from my post yesterday about our dinner with friends; AJ behaved like an angel and I was quite proud of myself, as you may have noticed. *wink* Please know that he is not always eternally fabulous, and I fully admit it. There are mealtimes at our house where he squirms and wiggles and WILL NOT sit down in his high chair, and WILL NOT EAT, EITHER, thankyouverymuch, and refuses to cooperate or shut up for one minute with the fussing. Just so we're clear. I have no delusions that AJ is better than anyone else's kid. Hope it didn't come out that way.

With that said, I do have to tell you about yesterday's sacramental moment, where he was EVERY BIT the angel. It was about 6:30pm, and I was anxious for DH to get home because I had committed to sing at a quick church service at 7:00. So I stepped outside to look for his car (because if you watch for it actively, you can WILL it to arrive), and AJ stepped out with me. He made his way decidedly toward the swing and I indulged him. It being the 2nd day of Daylight Savings, the evening light was just right; plus the breeze had died down, the birds were chirping, and AJ was pointing out every car that went by -- one of his latest crazes is "Dars!" and "Duts!" (trucks) -- and then, he got tickled about something. The kid laughed like he'd never laughed before, so hard he couldn't catch his breath, and it was heaven for me to watch him. Back and forth on his swing, kicking his feet, throwing his head back -- it lasted a good ten minutes. Beauty unfettered, I tell you, and pure, pure happiness.

This morning I heard a song on the Christian radio station that said, "I am in the sun, I am in the shade, I am in the Light Love has made." That's the Light we bathed in, that very one. God-filled. Glorious. I'm humbled to have witnessed it.

Observations and friends

(But first: JC Penney is having an online sale, dudes. Go check it out if you're in the market for toddler tees or jammies. I found items for $4.99 and that is not normal in this universe. I don't get the people who purchase clothes at adorable Hanna Anderson, paying twenty whole dollars for a kid's t-shirt. Insane.)

AJ got hit in the face last night. By another kid. We went over to our friends' house for a very casual Sunday afternoon and dinner, which was so nice -- getting home at 7pm and having no dishes to do, nothing to put away... bliss. :) They're our first official "church-friends," by the way. I mean, friends from church that we've socialized with OUTSIDE of church. I've always wanted church friends! I met the wife through choir, and she's super, super nice. Almost to the point of being TOO nice. But not quite. Anyway, we'd been there since 4:00pm and it was inevitable that the kids would get tired... so her 23-month-old decided it was time to smack AJ in the face a little bit. Of course there were apologies and protestations from his parents, since we were all sitting right there watching. And we all knew the kid didn't consciously try to harm AJ... but you should have seen AJ's look! He turned to me and, right before he started crying, his eyes were wide like, "OMG, Mama, did you see that???" It was rather cute. He got over it quickly.

It's funny to be with another family who totally does things differently than us. I don't mean to get judgey, BUT... they figured Matthew wasn't going to sit still during dinner with the rest of us, so he was put in the living room with Bob the Builder (video) while we all ate. ?! Nope, that doesn't fly at our house. You have to at least ATTEMPT to sit nicely with everyone and eat. If it doesn't work out, hey, whatever. Run off and play. But then you don't get your dinner. Sorry, way it goes. Number two, they said M's not quite eating table foods yet, anyway, and by that I mean... wait, what? He's nearly two, what is he eating, rice cereal? They might have meant, "He's not feeding himself with utensils at the table," because his Mom proceeded to say, "Well, he eats Cheerios, but dry, with his fingers, you know." I was confused. So, whatever. It takes all kinds, my Granny used to say. It just kinda made me feel good about what we're doing. I like our rules, and they seem to be working. AJ sat very nicely in M's high chair and fed himself rice and chicken enchilada. And he didn't interrupt or cause a ruckus, and when he was finished, he got down to go watch Bob, too. And mind you, I wholeheartedly believe, WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOUR FAMILY. You co-sleep? Fine. I don't. You cook 2 meals, one for you, one for the kid? (Whispers: I do too, occasionally. But don't tell anyone.) Fine. That works for you. I just find it interesting to see what other people do. And I think I needed the reassurance that we're doing it right, for us. I prefer my way to theirs. Of course I'm sure the day will come when she comes to my house and observes, and doesn't agree with it. I'm okay with that. :)

Also really interesting to observe two completely different little personalities emerging. AJ is quite content to explore the contents of M's playroom on his own, testing things out, going from one toy to the next. Matthew, on the other hand, was pretty darn excited to have people over, and he made it known by squealing, babbling, running around, demanding attention. He's a very energetic kid. I've never seen AJ do that, at our house or anyone else's. When he's over-excited -- and he does get that way, believe me -- but he goes inward, I think, instead of outward. Meaning, he cries or gets emotional. Which is somewhat outward... but not so, um, "wild" is the word that comes to mind. Not in a negative way, but you know what I mean?

It's fun to imagine the two boys maybe growing up together, since we're both wanting to send them to St. Joe's, the parish school. Wonder if they'll be friends?

She's a funny lady

Ooh, I found a contest I MUST enter. She's funny that way day is evidently approaching -- who knew? -- and so we are supposed to nominate our favorite funny ladies' blogs by tomorrow night. Woot! I have a nominee.

You'll never guess her name: Jennifer. Hahahahaha. Of course you guessed that. The poor kajillion Jennifers of this world. But don't feel sorry for her! She's got it good! To wit:

• Her very own pool-boy boyfriend;
• Her home in awesome Seattle, complete with gay neighbors;
• A pretty cool tween? teen? son, even though she calls him Turd-face, or Turd-head, or something eighth grade like that... she actually makes me fear that age a little less, if you get to act all silly with them like she does;
• The fun-est packs-a-punch blog title this side of Hawaii, which is simply, and elegantly, Piehole.

How Jennifer manages to create full laugh-out-loud, wet-the-screen-with-Starbuck's stories within the space of, sometimes, 4 lines of type, is beyond amazing to me, and more than JUST her use of the word "A-$-$." My blog? Has looong-winded entries and is not that funny. Also, her design is precious.

I nominate thee, Jennifer Piehole!

Taming the Food Lion

A bit of an interesting discussion is happening between me (so far) and my buddy Krissypoopyhands about weight loss and healthy food choices and getting into that mentality. For the last four or five days, I've been saying to myself, over and over, "I need to be putting healthy things into my body." And sometimes it moves me to actually do that; like now, when I'm having a whole wheat mini-bagel, light cream cheese (1 tbsp, not two or three like I'd prefer), and a few slices of tomato. I get all proud of myself for not having a Pop Tart. And then in the next breath I pour my second cup of full-strength coffee. I use Splenda and fat-free cream, so it can't be all bad, fat and calorie-wise. But still? Caffeine doesn't really fit into the "healthy things" realm, and I know this. So I'm caught in a balancing act between what I want (the coffee, yum) and what I know I should not have. I've gotten very slack about it lately. As in, last night when I came home from choir? Chips and cheese dip. Yeah.

My tactic is usually to count calories, and the way I ration them out is backwards from what most of the "experts" suggest -- I eat smaller, healthier breakfasts and lunches (when I'm being good and eating breakfasts), which are generally by myself so no one else has to suffer through the whole wheat or the bland veggies. I save my "points" or calories for dinnertime with my family, when I just make a regular casserole or whatever, which might have cheese or (gasp!) actual pasta. That's a Weight Watchers behavior, I guess, since they say you can eat what you want, when you want, as long as you're within your points. I can deal with that. It means if I want to have a buffalo wing with bleu cheese, all I have to do is save up. (A friend of mine, just after we got out of college, did that once. We were all gathered for beers, wings, and team trivia, and she was sooo excited about her ONE little measly wing that she had saved up for. I was proud of her and I've never forgotten it.)

Anyway, I need to do better with what I put in, as well as, you've heard me say this before, my output of energy. Yesterday I walked to lunch with 2 coworkers, and had a salad. Albeit a creamy-dressing-tortilla-strips-topping one. But still, I WANTED a regular Chicken sammy and waffle fries, so I count that as a victory. Yay, me! Here are my Standard Operating Procedures when I'm au regime; maybe some of these will be useful to you, if you're also on this body-image, weight-loss roller coaster that seems to be womanhood, for most of us:

• Log foods eaten and exercise done at Fitday.com. This is easy for me, since I'm at a computer most days already.
• Visit the WebMD Dieting Club for camraderie and accountability. I've been on that board since 2003 and have made a couple of really good online frieinds, one of whom I met in person (hi, Stacie!) last year. If you're into online communities, this is a great one.
• Workout. Three times a week is the goal; anything more is a bonus. (At least, 3x a week is the goal when I start out. And I'm usually... always... "starting out." Heh.)
• Swear off regular Coke. So hard!! Sometimes I allow *one,* if I have plenty of cals leftover. But Coke is really a big problem for me. Diet Coke? Meh. It's like room temperature water to me. No flavor, no refreshment. I suffer through it.
• Still pay attention, but take a break from the numbers on weekends. Partly because I don't really get online on the weekends, but also because ya gotta relax, once in a while.

That's it. Those are my strategies. They're very basic. But I believe it's a lifelong journey -- it's not a three-week marathon -- so I don't want too many rules. Of course, I'm lucky, I don't have any other food issues, like allergies or intestinal conditions. At my (non-pregnant) heaviest several years ago, I was 148 lbs, 5'1". Which is not pretty. Since 2003, I've come down to much closer to my "ideal" weight of about 130. I'm at 134 right now. What I need is to Tone the F Up. (With that exact adverb.) So today, Pilates/Yoga and a cardio workout.

Countdown to Beach Week: 12 weeks. Long enough for a visible difference, if I do this right.

P.S. It's interesting to me that for the first time, really, I'm determined but not desperate. I feel pretty calm about getting back "on the wagon." Wonder why that is?

What are you lookin' at?

I'm not sure if I ever told you, but I had a New Year's Resolution, supplied by my husband. He suggested that I try to stop seeing everything he does and says as negative. Exhibit A:

Him: Hm, I guess we need to hold the cord of the vacuum up, so it doesn't keep getting frayed by the brushes.

Me: Honey, you've said that before and I DO lift it up. Sorry, gees. Grrr.

Him: I didn't mean YOU! I'm the one who vacuumed last.


Exhibit B:

Him: (watching me as I tie a scarf around my waist)

Me: WHAT. Does this look stupid or something?

Him: Honey, I was just watching you do that. I didn't know you knew how to tie that knot. Relax.


Exhibit C:

Me: I'm sorry this dinner isn't very creative; I know you don't like Kraft Mac-n-Cheese but I just couldn't come up with....

Him: Why do you always assume I'm criticizing you in my head? This dinner is JUST FINE. I know you're busy. You do a great job.


So I really owe him an apology about this. Three months in to 2006 and I'm still doing it. I don't know if it stems from previous relationships I've had, where the guy was always out to tease me -- two different guys I dated did this, in fact -- but I always presume that I'm being made fun of (in the scarf example), or picked on. And the fact is, my dear husband is so kind and treats me so carefully, that he would NEVER be that way. I KNOW this... but still, I let that weird bit of low self-esteem get me every so often. Especially when I'm tired.

And there's your glimpse into the shadows of my psyche for today!

Words speak louder, actually

I'm sitting in my car, in the parking lot of my tax guy's office, waiting for them to open at 8:30 a.m. How cool is it that I found a wireless signal and am using the Internet? Pretty cool. I almost went back into the house, before I left, to get a book, but then I figured, No, there's a library right close by the tax place... maybe there'll be a signal and I can just read my blogs and check email while I wait. Brilliant, no? It's funny, though. Folks keep arriving to their workplaces (it's a strip-mall kind of office building) and peeking sideways at my car, wondering what I'm up to in here.

I left early to avoid traffic, in case you were wondering. After 8 a.m., you might as well just stay home rather than try to drive anywhere south of my house.

So anyway, I have this whole 23 minutes left before they open (when I will play Over-Enthusiastic Customer and knock on their door RIGHT at 8:30; I'm sure they won't roll their eyes behind my back, haha!), so I thought hey! What better time to blog?

We are in a new era at home -- the no more cursing era. DH, bless his heart, is not doing very well with it so far. He came in last night and started telling me about his workday. "It was all going just fine until M. came in, and then as usual, the Shit really hit the fan..." He stopped. Took a breath. "I mean, the Shoot hit the fan." Heh. It IS time for us to curb our enthusiasm with the curse words -- AJ is a Repeat-A-Word Monkey these days. (If I had said that out loud just now, he would have said, "Mon-ee.") So, Shoot hitting the fan. It doesn't even make sense. But it's funnier! I do applaud DH's valiant effort.

Not five minutes later, however, he said it again when his Blackberry beeped. "Shit," he said, and sighed as the nightly barage of emails from our company's China location began. Luckily AJ was still in the middle of saying "Beep," which he does every time it "rings" (so cute). I think it's going to be quite an effort in our daily language. Not that we're potty mouths, by any means. But you know how it is. The other day I was driving AJ home from daycare and some jerk-wad cut me right off. I was all, "Go right ahead, DUDE." and then I heard from the backseat, my little Echo: "Head, doo!" Hmmm. Better watch that. And some of my favorite words are not such nice ones: stupid (insert noun here)... Damn!... Ah, crap... Those are the main three, really. And when I go banging my kneecap with the fast-moving car door (like I did yesterday, OW), I'm going to have to supress the natural tendancy and say, "Fffffff-ooey" under my breath instead of the alternative. I even started thinking, we ought not to tell the dog, "Move!" quite so often. AJ's going to think it's appropriate to say that to people instead of "Excuse me."

Projects

Seems like every time we DO projects around the house, we come up with a longer list of items that still NEED to be done. Like so:

--We planted the rest of the spring plants yesterday, and DH laid some stepping stones along the backyard pathway. Check. Meanwhile, we discovered that the yard is sinking around a big tree root that's close to the surface. Basically a Danger Pit in our child's playground. We've known we wanted to get some fill dirt, but now I think we NEED to, asap before one of us breaks a neck.

--We turned over a large rock while cleaning out one of the flower beds (Check), and discovered what look like (OMG) baby termites. Gah. I will be dialing Terminix in a few short minutes.

--When we replaced the siding on the front of the house (Big Check), we had to remove the window boxes under our garage windows. I'd like to place them on the back deck, and obviously plant something in them, but it'd be better if we built a little stand for them. And while we're buildling, how about a bench to sit on, as well? So there's that.

Houses. They're so much trouble.

In other project news, we need to figure out an anniversary celebration worthy of our five years. (Infinitely more fun than yard projects!) I was thinking we'd just go downtown, have dinner at an expensive restaurant and stay the night in a swanky hotel. Cheap, close-by, easy. We even have a coupon for the restaurant. But Husband suggested, actually, that we find a B&B somewhere and do a whole weekend getaway. I was surprised! :) I have a couple of places in mind, but we'd better get on it, as our anniversary is 31 days from now!

A collection of random

Someone... I'm not saying who... woke up on the Wrong side of the crib this morning! He usually sits there waiting for one of us to come get him. Well, today he was standing; he might as well have been tapping his foot and had his arms crossed. When I got there, he TURNED HIS BACK TO ME and stared at the wall for a good 2 minutes! Hmph! Little does he know I grinned about it from behind him. Thinks he can out-pout Mama! Foolish little boy. It went downhill from there, especially when he realized he had to go to daycare today and it wasn't Saturday. On that, I felt for him. I wanted it to be Saturday, too.

Our Awesome TV life: Last night's Atlanta Thrashers game (which we won in overtime to hold our #8 spot in the playoffs)! The Office. Blow Out. And we still have Scrubs and Amazing Race taped from Tuesday! Tonight's another fun-filled date on the couch, Woo hoo!

DH isn't so keen on my birdwatching plan. He said, "Seeds bring rodents, and rodents bring snakes." So he suggested we put the feeder WAY out in the middle of the yard WHERE I CAN'T SEE THE BIRDS. Hmph. We'll have to see about that.

Shout-out to Sis and her Hubby, who're on the last day of their honeymoon in St. Kitts today! Woo hoo for lovin' and umbrella drinks! I hope you got a safe tan and did little else besides eat and rub lotion on! (They are so smart, being from Minnesota, to have postponed their honeymoon until the dead of winter.)

I have THIRTY ONE earned vacation days that may, or may not, be taken away if I don't use them. Can you say, "Me Time?" I need to get those weekly manicures and hair appointments scheduled, stat!

For the birds

The coolest thing just happened, re: my little chickadee friend! I went back to all about birds and started playing the mp3... and the little guy outside came flying back, and starting calling the same call to see if he could find what bird was talking to him! He heard me through the window! So cute!

Outside my window

Today's my regular work-from-home day. I've got a load of laundry in the washer, a load of dishes in their washer, and my kitchen window open so I can watch all the finches and robins and cardinals play in my yard. I've come to really LOVE the little birdies. In fact, if someone wanted to get me one of these, or maybe these, for my birthday or mother's day or my anniversary (My Personal Present Triumverate, DH calls it) --- ooh! there's a little gray Chickadee now! Look at him, sitting on the little birdhouse wishing there was food inside. The previous owners had hung this itty bitty birdhouse, and it's cute, but it's useless because I can't reach it to put food in there. But oh!! He is a sweetie! Staying a long time. He just hopped around to look in my window... hello Chickadee! Oh... okay, well, goodbye. ---

Those of you who've known me in real life for a long time are likely giggling now because I linked to Birdseed Boy's old stomping grounds. Birdseed Boy being my college boyfriend. Ah, yes, I did spend a week in CT with him, helping to set up his parents' very own WBU franchise. What a miserable endeavor that was. We don't need to rehash details of my past -- and it wasn't miserable because of Connecticut (I loved Connect-I-cut) or because of WBU (they're a great company, I think). Suffice to say we broke up shortly thereafter and that is the end of that. But I still check their "feeder cam" every so often, and having all these birds in my yard makes me think of BB and his family, actually with fondness. Maybe they could send me something for free? Heh.

Anyway, in the span of writing this, I've seen a big, fat male cardinal, a big fat (ugly) robin redbreast (sorry, I just don't like the robins), and that little gray dude. Here, links to learn more, since I'd like to. I've been dreaming about becoming a birdwatcher ever since we moved here. Perhaps a new little hobby is presenting itself to me? The Cornell site is really cool -- it has mp3s for each bird's sound! Tweet, tweet!

http://wbu.com/edu/chickadee.htm
http://www.birds.cornell.edu/programs/AllAboutBirds/BirdGuide/Northern_Cardinal.html
http://www.birds.cornell.edu/programs/AllAboutBirds/BirdGuide/American_Robin.html

I see your "worst mom" award, and I raise you one

We're all so desperate to claim rights to the "Worst Mommy of the Year" title. Stories like the following are my MOST embarrassing -- I shudder to admit they've even happened. But we all do it -- we put 'em on out there, in the hopes that someone will say, "You're NOT terrible or neglectful. We WON'T call Family & Child Services. It happens to everyone."

I've submitted previous runs at the award, once when AJ fell off the bed at THREE MONTHS OLD, while I was holding him (and fell asleep)!!!, and another time, when he took a spill down the stairs So here's my latest entry. I guess I'm due for one.

Yesterday I kept him home with me in an official "sick day" because he woke up with an eye that looked like Rocky Balboa circa 1985. Like he'd been punched by his teddy bear while he slept. He seemed to feel fine all day, by the way, and the doc said it's just a sty. But I knew daycare wouldn't take him without a note, looking like he looked.

So. This was my first day trying to work from home *mit AJ* in a while. I needed to check email real quick, so I snuck into the laundry room, just one room away, and pulled the door closed while he feasted on Baby Einstein's latest serving of weirdness and puppetry. A few eensy minutes later, I heard Napleon bark at something outside, and then heard AJ -- from far away in another room -- start crying, and saying "Mama? Mama?" I raced out of there -- how long was I hidden? -- and found him at the top of the stairs! Polie had just startled him; he was asking for "mama, mama," repeatedly, as if he'd been doing it for a while. He had gone LOOKING FOR ME. He'd obviously been in all 3 bedrooms upstairs, because I saw the Baby Van Gogh video case, which he holds when he watches the video, lying on the floor outside my bedroom. Which means he'd carried it up the stairs. Now, he's GOOD, but still a bit wobbly on the stairs, especially when he's carrying something. :( :( :( So many sad faces! My little boy thought I'd left him all alone, and he was scared to pieces.

And then he climbed all the way up the stairs unsupervised. (He's so advanced and courageous!) But! Mustn't do that. Stairs + alone = a no-no.

See, I used to put the GATE UP, when I did this gig regularly. But even if I'd done that, the fact that he was so scared makes me feel obligated to resign my Mommy card and be declared "unfit." That's the kind of guilt these experiences induce. Instead, I guess I will just THANK MY LUCKY STARS and my guardian angels, and his, that they were watching over him.

It was a nice weekend

At 6:15 am, I went in to wake up AJ. He scooted around in his blankets for a minute, pushed up his little head, blinked his eyes, and said, plain as day, "'Morning, Mama."

"'Morning!" With the final "g!" It sounded so grown up. I just can't believe how big he's getting.

He slept well because of all the excitement from last night -- we went out for dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant, and the mariachi band was there! They are the best, mariachi bands. Nothing can sound so lively and comedic, while also sounding romantic. :) They played "Old MacDonald" at my request, and AJ and all the other kids loved it. Well, let me rephrase that, the older kids and the adults loved it. AJ made a beeline for Daddy's lap, and stared in wonderment and a little bit of fear at how LOUD the band was, and I can't say I blame him. They were LOUD. The trumpter made a "horse," a "rooster," and a "cow" with his horn. Pretty impressive! I love the cute way they sing the 2nd and 3rd verses: "Old MacDonald had another farm..." After they finished, everyone cheered and I handed them my two dollars. And when that died down, AJ clapped and gave a solo "Yaaaayy!" with a big, big smile. And then everyone in the whole restaurant clapped for AJ! :) Because he was so PRECIOUS! I don't know that I've ever been happier. I imagine it's a taste of the feeling you get when your kid wins first place, or graduates high school. It felt a little like "bursting." :)

Before that, we'd taken him to Toys R Us. One of the hardest things about being a parent, I think, is RESISTING the urge to buy them every single item that will make them happy. I got in there, and man! did I want to purchase a lot of things. There was a cool spiral-y car-racing track, and a Little People Airplane, and a trike, and my eyes got really wide at the thought of all those fun! things! But my husband is the good and sensible one. He said, "I'm sure the day is not far when AJ will be ASKING us for toys upon toys. Now? While he's content? Let's just leave it at that." And he's so right. So we got him a soccer ball, and this cool Thomas book, and a box of sidewalk chalk, and he was pretty thrilled with those small things. I made mental notes for his Easter basket.*

Saturday, we bought the forsythia I wanted, as well as some gorgeous red pansies. AJ "helped" me plant them. His job was putting "mo duht" (more dirt) into the pots. Mo duht? Mo duht? Mo duht? It never gets old. :) We put one little pansy in a pot by itself and that is AJ's flower. Of course, now the cold front is going to come through and I don't know whether to bring the pansies into the garage or let them tough it out. I heard they're pretty tough.... but I'd hate to lose them. I was also dumb to not take the camera with me while we planted them. He was a little mud-pie!

*P.S. I just re-read, and am thinking how funny I am, saying "we are virtuous and didn't buy him anything," and then listing out the 3 things we DID buy him. LOL. I am funny. And actually we bought him 4 things, but I conscientiously didn't list the fourth, the Bear in the Big Blue House Potty Stories DVD. But but but... they were inexpensive things, so they count for less on the accumulation scale. No, really.

Recipe review, and other notions

The Chicken recipe was delicious. Tender and juicy. Creamy and rich. I give it an A+, although I have to admit, after all that, I didn't have Golden Mushroom soup so I had to substitute Cream of Chicken + 1/3 cup water. Husband liked it, even AJ liked it, and that's saying something. We've got 2 lunch portions in the fridge and a whole 'nother meal in the freezer. Hello, efficient!

I was SO productive yesterday it kills me. Work was very quiet, so I:

• checked email as often as I could
• washed, dried, and folded 3 loads of laundry
• did the crock-pot dinner thing
• saved 2 dying bananas by making the best banana bread I've ever made
• paid bills through March 28
• made ump-teen calls to credit card companies and my bank, looking for 3 checks that seem to have gotten lost in the mail (eek)
• and went to Walgreen's for lotion and soap and Sudafed and an Rx.

I spent the whole day feeling SO grateful for the work-at-home gig. So. Grateful. For my life in general, really. It was the complete opposite of how I often feel, which is wishing for more, wanting a "better" situation. But I've really got it very good. Of course, when DH got home he said, "If you'd taken out all the trash, as well, then I'd be impressed..." but he was only kidding, and it was mildly funny.

I want to do Sheryl's "this day in the life" exercise regularly, but I especially want to do it on days like yesterday where I'm proud of what I accomplished! :)

- - -


Forsythia is on sale this weekend at Home Depot Landscaping for 12 bucks. I want one. It's Atlanta's herald of springtime. It, and the cherry trees and bradford pears. But that yellow... I love it. Everything's starting to bloom around here and the days are getting much longer. Hooray! I love spring!

- - -

I had said I wasn't going to talk about my uncle because it was too sacred a time, but in all honesty? ...it's still too raw. I'm still hurting about the whole tragic thing. And I don't feel that I even have the right to be hurting -- his daughters and his wife, and my dad (his brother), are grappling with much more difficult grief than I, who saw him only sporadically in the summers. But.... I don't know, I guess since my memories of him go back to forever -- when we were young, we all lived in the same town -- that's a lot of him to be missing, now that he's gone. So much of my daily life, even, is somehow relative to him. Yesterday I got out a small yellow plate to put in the microwave and soften some butter on. I got that plate when I was single and moving into my first apartment. Unearthed it from a box of my mother's old things. She had received it in the '70s as a gift from Brenda, my uncle's first wife. So it actually made me think of him. I wear a ring from Aunt Brenda's jewelry shop -- wear it every day. So it makes me think of him, too. We live near a private airfield, so any propellor airplane goes by? Think of him. And then I turn on the radio and Brad Paisley sings "When I get where I'm going," which they played twice at the funeral, which makes me cry more than a little bit, again. I ache to think that happy, friendly Uncle B isn't in the world anymore. That I'll never hear him say my name again (he did it with such charm, and such a big smile). That his little baby granddaughters won't get to be tossed in the air by those farm-toughened, loving hands. That no one's around who can fly his antique planes anymore. Bah. It's too much to think about it. I don't want to, and yet, I do. I keep doing. I heard on the news this morning that 4 fishermen in North Carolina were dead as their boat capsized in the Atlantic yesterday, and I thought about those families who are now feeling those same, unexpected feelings of emptiness and loss that my family felt last week.

- - -

Last night I had all kinds of things I wanted to include in this post, but this morning I can't remember them. Guess I'll go.

This is a form of CPR

Y'all.

Blogging for Books is not feeling so pretty good. She is listless, and losing strength. My job is to help revive her by making sure (all 6 of) my readers know that the contest is LIVE. We don't want B4B to disappear!

It's an essay contest. It's fun. You don't even have to be a blogger to enter. And real-live authors, of BOOKS, are the contest judges. It's exposure! It's community! It's competition! It's... a topic I'm not that interested in, this month. But YOU might be (larry. paige.)...AHEM!

So if you want to win a free book and have lots of people saying how nice your essay about the MILITARY is, Go! Write!

blip ..... blip ..... blip ..... we're about to need a CBC and a Chem-seven over here. (ER taught me that)....

I FOUND IT!!

Angel Chicken

You would not believe how I've obsessed about finding this recipe. Imagine three days of me furiously turning the same pages of the same magazines and cookbooks, thinking, I KNOW I saw that damn recipe! I remember reading it and saying OUT LOUD, "I'm going to have to try that one." I've been Lady MacBeth, rubbing and rubbing to exhaustion and no avail. It just ticked me off that I could remember the ingredients, even the cooking time (4 hours on low), but not the exact amounts. I am usually very bad at remembering things. To be *that close* but not quite have it was driving me mmmmmmmmmmad.

Well, thank Jesus for already-clicked-links and thank Firefox for saving recently visited addresses. This morning I started typing in w-w-w-.-b-a-b-y-c-e-n-t....(to look up pinkeye symptoms, uh-oh) and before I could finish -e-r-.-c-o-m, I saw the word "Mealtime Secrets" in my location bar, and then.... the light dawned, angels sang and the heavens opened and I followed the path of clicked links to

ANGEL CHICKEN

In the words of Clark Griswold, "Hallelujah!! Holy Shit!! Where's the Tylenol?"

It better be dee-freaking-licious, is all I have to say.

Which one of you stole my recipe?

I am combing my cookbooks in vain. Last week I read a recipe that sounded delicious and easy. It was for the crock-pot, and with chicken. Two of my favorite recipe details. I went so far as to buy ingredients for it last time I made a quick trip to Publix.

I did not bookmark the recipe in any way, shape, or fashion.

And now I cannot find it!!

After this week of travel, all I wanted to do today was thaw out some chicken breasts, put the stuff on top, and set it to simmer all day on Low. Voila, dinner. But I can't find that stinking recipe! I've searched the Ingredient-o-lator on allrecipes.com, my slow-cooker cookbook, the 3 new Southern Livings I got last week (3 months in one week? weird subscription error)... everywhere I can think of. It has disappeared.

The ingredients as I remember them were:
6 chicken breasts
cream of chicken soup
onion soup mix
onion & chive cream cheese (4 oz?)
rice (Uncle Ben's? white long grain? I know not)
seems like there was something else...

If anyone can complete the puzzle for me, I will invite you over to eat the fabulous concoction with us. :)

When I get where I'm going...

We spent the last 4 days in, and on our way to and from, Oklahoma, to bid goodbye to my uncle who passed away very unexpectedly in an accident. I'm not going to talk about it because I think that feelings about the death of a loved one are precious, and several of my loved ones read this blog. I want to preserve their emotions and memories, as well as my own, and keep them sacred. At least for right now. We shared our grief together, as well as the happiness that comes when families are gathered -- even for a sad occassion -- and it's time to continue our lives now, knowing we've grieved well and celebrated his full, rich, exceptional life.

The trip, itself, was an interesting adventure. :) My DH likes to take long road trips. He and his best friend drove from Georgia to Denver in 1998, a couple of years before they each met their respective future wives, and they still talk about those long nights running on nothing but Spree and Mountain Dew, with the fondest of memories. They drove across the huge, open prairies and vast nothingness that seems to be the center of our country, at least from the Interstate Highway view. We did a lot of that this week. ...Of course it's a whole lot different with a toddler in the backseat. AJ was very good for the most part, and got his brain sufficiently fried with the 6 DVDs that he owns, times 60 apiece. Needless to say we are now on a TV-free week at our house. The DVD-in-the-car debate has already been done. I used to think, disdainfully, "Well, when we walked uphill both ways to school were little, WE read books and played Twenty Questions on road trips; kids don't need TVs in the car, they're just spoiled rotten." Now I just wonder how anyone gets along without one in this carseat era, for car trips, mind you, not for an afternoon of errands.

So, fifteen hours out there and two day-trips of 7 hours apiece on the way home. Whew. My poor car is dusty and road-weary. And next time, I think I'll buy an atlas. We managed to go 2,020 miles on jotted-down Mapquest notes. (We got lost once or four times.) We bought a lot of petrol.

We are glad to be home.


P.S. Driving through Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Tennessee, and being with my relatives and friends from Small-Town, Texas definitely got me thinking, a lot, and again, about small-town life. I hope to find time/inclination to research and write more about that.