Condensed version

We did so much during our week of vacation that I'd be here for days if I tried to write it all down. Here, then, are what I think are the five most noteworthy things I personally experienced:

1. Rented Waverunners with my husband, sister, and her fiance. Say that three times fast! Rent Waverunners. Rent Waverunners. Rent Waverunners. :) I was not, I admit, overly interested in this activity, but my husband has been talking about wanting to do this for the last 2 years, so I was obliged to try it, and being a Florida native, I was embarrassed to say I'd never done it before, so this was a good time to remedy that situation. And we really had fun. We rode in tandem, 2 of us on each machine, and what I really enjoyed the most was just holding onto DH so tight, knowing he was going to be careful and safe (and still drive the thing faster than a speeding bullet). Is it too cheesy to say it was a metaphor for life as we know it? Of course it is. But that won't stop me: We're just holding on (or, at least I am), while we bounce over all the waves and make sharp turns and get sprayed with salt water. Fun in the sun, it was.
   
2. Took AJ to the wading pool and to the beach, and took video of both. Not that this was really important, but it was fun. He had a good time in the water, but only when he could stand up near the side and put his toys in and out of the water. So cute. He also enjoyed the beach, but just the sand part. He'd wad it up in his little fists, wondering ever so obviously "what in heck IS this stuff?" Then he'd grab his green plastic pail, and dump the sand all over himself -- so much that after a while, he couldn't even move. He was our little Sugar Cookie.
   
3. Went shopping with my best friend, MB. There is a huge outlet mall close to our condo, so we went looking for bargains and had a great time. We also talked a lot about money, and saving money, and her life as a stay-at-home mom, and mine as a working mom. I came away from it feeling inspired. I even talked to DH about it and I feel great about that, as well. I think we are going to have a plan here real soon.
   
4. I did not read one single blog for 7 whole days. I missed you guys, but... wow. This item in itself was a vacation. Because it's an addiction, reading blogs. It really is. I'd like to say I did not think about work one single time, but that would be a lie. Every once in a while I thought about the Big Project I was trying to get finished before we left. I had to close my eyes and go underwater each time it happened to shake those vacation-interrupting thoughts away! Boooo for that!
   
5. I got a tan, swam laps one morning, and did not, as hoped, jump-start my workout regimen. I am no longer Mighty Whitey. But I am also not thin and gorgeous and physically fit. All this is noteworthy only because the next big family event is my sister's wedding, in which I wear a light blue spaghetti-strap bridesmaid dress. We're excited to all be together again in only 4 weeks, and.... I really couldn't care about the "thin" thing, because, damn, were those fried shrimp and Oreos and Mudslides and daquiris good. :)

And yes, this IS the condensed version. :)

The good things

Sometimes I have to take a minute to notice all the good things going on. For example, even though I have to work today, without my usual 2-foot-tall assistant, I am quietly typing on my iBook G4, while sitting outside in the morning air, enjoying a big, steaming cup of cafe au lait. There are a ton of birdies in our neighborhood, who chirp like crazy in the morning as if to say, "wake up, wake up! It's another new day!" I am well-rested this morning, and planning to get a whole lot of work done, so that we can leave tomorrow for our much anticipated and blogged about beach vacation. (I know that those of you who aren't coming with, are sick of it, but BEACH VACATION.)

And, my little boy, who is 11 months and 1 week old and loved so dearly,
took his first steps for us last night. :)

So you see? Good things.

Food stuff

When I get to the beach, I am going to stay up late one night catching up on all of The Amateur Gourmet's recent posts. He is so darn funny. He's a FoodTV watcher like me. I wonder if he's seen "The Next Food Network Star?" (realityTV, when will it end??!) Or worse, "Hell's Kitchen" on Fox.

Most of all I wonder what he's been eating. Since I just had the worst Filet-O-Fish ever, I could deal with some "gourmet." Go check AG out. I guarantee a laugh or two.

You have got to be kidding me.

This is why I don't watch the news. It's hard to believe some of this world -- most notably, the western edge of this United States, i.e., Beverly Hills -- is actually real. Miss Paris Hilton has announced that she is going to "retire." She's giving up her CAREER as a rich, fashion-loving, dumb-blonde, dog-toting shopaholic..... err, um, excuse me, I meant "a businesswoman and a brand," -- so that she can embrace MOTHERHOOD and FAMILY LIFE. And apple pie, too, no doubt. Forgive me. That's funny.

I suppose I should feel a very special bond with her, wanting as we both do, to put our career [dreams] on hold so that we can raise babies. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Paris as a mother. An eensy bit too much for me on this fine Tuesday morning. I don't begrudge anyone the chance at parenthood; it's a wonderful, magical state and biologically, I guess we all have the right to enjoy it... It is just hard to believe when all we see of her is the plastic party-girl persona. That giggly smile. 'Course, that's the media for you. And I guess if Britney can do it.... sigh.

The motherhood thing is not really my issue.

That they call it "Retiring..." THAT is Beyond Ridiculous.

T-minus

Five days and counting.

Is it because we didn't take a vacation last year that we are craving it so badly this year? Last summer, we had to skip our beach week. AJ was due on July 9... so I timidly asked my doctor at the beginning of June... "I bet you're going to say I shouldn't go to the beach at the end of this month, right?" And he asked where I'd be going, and how far it was from the hospital (I suppose the "beach" at Atlanta's man-made lake island, about an hour away, would have been okay)... I sighed. "Destin... about 6 hours." He shook his head and poof! Vacation vanished. No one was more bummed than my husband, who felt perfectly fine. But he stuck it out here with his enlarged wife, knowing the rest of the fam was riding jetskis and soaking up sunscreen. He's so good to me.

Of course, AJ was born and the importance of a vacation at the beach seemed laughable in the face of such a tiny little miracle. :) We had a great summer.... well, it was a little difficult at night, I'll admit that.... and great. We welcomed him mightily to the world!

But this year, it is definitely time to vacate. Even AJ needs it. He had a rough day yesterday, and we couldn't figure out why. We were playing, all three of us, on the living room floor, and he'd be perfecty happy. Then without warning, he'd plop down on his bottom and start wailing! *tilts head questioningly* Huh? That happened in several instances. After he had his nighttime bath -- in the big tub (with non-skid frogs stuck to the bottom) so he had extra room to wiggle around! -- he seemed to feel better, but when it was time for bed, he unleashed a holy storm of tears again. Might have had something to do with the fact that I forced my finger into his mouth to remove the leaves and who-knows-what-else he'd found on the floor, before he swallowed them. Maybe.

Today, I'm working from home but I took him to daycare. I hope that means I will get a LOT accomplished for work. There is a lot on my to-do list. It feels all wrong, though, that he's 3 minutes down the street and not with me. But, sometimes we must sacrifice for the good of the team ...and the reward will be sweet on Friday. :)

Big, deep breath.

When I took a yoga class several years ago, it was pointed out that most of us don't breathe deeply enough in our daily lives. That's fairly obvious in my case! What a week. I don't know why some weeks, some months, nothing really significant happens in the well of emotions that is me... and then all of a sudden, in one or 2 days I have a bucket full. But instead of letting myself remain overwhelmed, I'm just going to take life one day at a time. This is the state of things, this is "where I'm at." I'm trying to just be at peace with the inner struggle, for now. In..... Out..... (oh, I have to do it again?) In...... Out.

It's Friday. One Week 'Til Vacation. Take That, emotions!

Yesterday I thought it'd be fun to see what AJ's reaction to crayons would be. I knew in my heart what it'd be, but I thought, hey, perhaps he's a creative genius and these talents need to be exercised earlier than I think. (I was also hankering to TEACH him something -- to do something more than face my computer screen while he, behind me, played all by himself. Sob. Wait a second....... IN......OUT.)

At any rate, he reacted exactly as I knew he would, which was to attempt to eat the crayons. I did my best to show him the art of scribbling. "Look, honey!! I'm making COLORS! Isn't that neat?" I suppose we'll have to wait another few weeks or months, and try again. I bring this up only to introduce today's time-wasting Blogthing:

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Funny, I was just thinking about getting a tan. Happy weekend, cyber-pals. Happy weekend, Self.

Ruminations on yesterday's work-hate

I think the problem is that I'm letting a tough project get to me emotionally. It's been a long while since I've had a really difficult project, one where I had to actually buckle down and learn something. I've been doing my job for years now. In different capacities, yes, but the same basic job -- so I usually don't have to think that hard about it. In this case, that's not true. Besides having to actually use my brain, I have to work around some technicial difficulties that I'm not used to -- that aren't a typical part of my job. To be frank, it sucks royally.

As far as being "over the edge," I had several moments yesterday of "Waaa, I want to quit working," but I think they're nothing more than any working person has, really, any day of the week. It's very "Office Space:"

"Yeah, I don't think I'm going to go to work any more. I just don't feel like going.... Well, what about, like bills and stuff?.... Uh, you know, I never really liked paying them... I don't think I'll pay them anymore, either."

And I mean, don't we all feel that way half the time? The only difference here is, I actually have something I'd really rather be doing, and that, of course, is being a mommy. So it comes down to that for me, because I'm still biologically attached to that child, no matter how well I Play the Professional or the Supermom. The wish to stay home is natural -- I don't think any mom ever truly goes back to the office willingly. Maybe I'm wrong. I know that I didn't go willingly. I knew that, for the time being, this was how it had to be, and since it's become the routine, I've just accepted it and gotten lazy about it, I guess -- lazy about trying to make the situation different. If I was really determined, I suppose I could find a way to budget it all out. But figuring that out takes time and energy, too, which I am a bit short on these days. So I do my best. I really enjoy having adult company, and I am proud of the work I do, when I have the energy to do it well. But deep down, I sometimes wish that I hadn't been born in this post-feminism era, where women are allowed and encouraged to do it all. I don't mean I want to go back to subservience, I just mean... you know what I mean. I'm glad to have had the chance at a career, and all the rights and privileges blah blah blah. But lately I feel like now is the time for something else for me. A different Career - that time-honored one.

I got mad when I once read a post by a woman who said she was "adamantly" Stay-at-Home -- she meant, every mom needs to, and those who don't are "less than." At that time I defended all the reasons (justifications) for working outside the home. I was incensed that she thought she could label me as not as good a mother, because I had to devote time to something other than the baby. I think I told her that, We Are the Mothers that We Are. Working or not, we are 100% mother. And if we work, it informs and is part of our mothering. But... I'm getting tired of defending it. I'd rather pick the one job -- the Home Manager -- and leave the other one behind.

So my mind is whirring. Refinance the house? Never, ever eat out again? Coupons? Who knows.

I wish this post were more definitive. I guess I'm in a state of The Unknown. Maybe I'm always in this state and it only bubbles to the surface every once in a while. I know I'm having to wrestle with this tough project at work for a reason... maybe it's to bring all these thoughts into my mind and make me do something about it.

Or maybe it's just to keep me on my toes. At any rate, I'd better get to work. AJ's tearing something apart in the den, and I haven't checked my voice mail yet.

Hate hate hate hate hate hate

Can I just express my feelings for the project that I am currently working with in my day job? I'll tell you. The client is XYZ University. We are supposed to be redesigning and rewriting their website. I hate the process they have dictated, I hate their marketing strategy and the politics behind it, I hate the bad organizational plan, I hate the look, I hate the extremely faulty technology.... I hate that I have to be involved with it at all. Truly, this one is enough to put me over the edge.

Gotta go, I'm on a conference call with them. Shhhh.

< / rant >

The story of my life.... will have to be postponed

I have so much I'd like to write about. Not events -- I'd just like to sit here and reflect, and pour it all out through my fingers. But alas, I have a list of work-things that must get done today, and must start first thing. So, for now: AJ's curious stage is being accompanied by a whiny stage, when we don't let him explore certain things (like medicine bottles or the inside of the freezer) -- why is that?.... I had a long thought about Catholics and the sacarament of Reconciliation (Confession) the other day that I'd like to remember.... Our co-worker who had throat cancer has returned to work (although I don't know if he's coming in today).... I'm really, really thinking about part-time work and can-we-make-it-work.... and, thank God, there are only 11 days until my vacation. (You will have to endure the countdown 'til we get there.)

Clean(er) house, clean conscience

Do you have that thing where, if your house is out of order, you just feel like you aren't RIGHT?? I do. Thank goodness my husband makes the bed most mornings while I'm showering. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten 'til I vacuumed the downstairs this morning. Whooo-eee, did that need doing! Not only do we have a long-haired dog, but with new-carpet-fuzz crawling all over the floors, it wasn't pretty.

I feel better now, though.

Birthday weekend was lovely. I slept in ('til 8) both mornings, drank a Mojito on birthday night, and spent time with my two favorite people in the whole world. Received 4 books -- the perfect gift! Received a couple of checks -- even more perfect. ;) I made my wish and blew out a candle. I'm 31. Life is good.

Don't let me forget this

Here is what I want to do for my birthday.

1. Do a little shopping. We have both been saying we want new clothes, especially for the summer, and guess what -- they aren't going to buy themselves. So let's get up, get out of the house, and find some deals. (And also take back the FOURTH set of baby gates to Babies R Us. Argh.)
2. Go out to dinner. It's a Saturday night, for crying out loud. I don't particularly care where we go, as long as it isn't Applebees or Longhorn Steaks, each of which is one-half mile from our house and neither of which feels much like "out."
3. After dinner, come home and bathe, then put to bed, one happy and adorable little boy, after many kisses and smiles.
4. After that, *presuming that the weather is nice,* I want to take a bottle of wine and 2 glasses onto our backyard deck, along with a deck of cards or our "Pass the Pigs" game, and just sit there and talk and sip and play. It's call REEEE-LAXING. If we do that (instead of lame-ly turning on the Idiot Box), I will be much more likely to stay awake. **Please let the weather be nice.**

When DH asks me on Saturday morning, what do I want to do for my birthday, I must remember this.

No thinking, just playing

Friday funtime. Since I spend an awful lot of time singing the ABCs, anyway, I liked this meme that's going around.
A is for Age - just shy of 31
B is for Booze - Margarita
C is for Career - writer/editor and project manager for a small marketing firm
D is for Dad’s name - Joe
E is for Essential items to bring to a party - lipstick, husband
F is for Favorite song at the moment - heard one from the newest U2 CD, something about "the distance between a man and a woman." Pretty. Kinda speaks to me lately, as parenthood means we're not taking enough time for each other. :(
G is for Games you like - (I added this one myself) Spades, Hearts, Trivial Pursuit
H is for Hometown - Pensacola, FL
I is for Instrument you play - piano (but only sporadically)
J is for Jam or Jelly you like - strawberry jelly
K is for Kids - 1 darling son, AJ, age 11 months
L is for Living arrangement - I live with three men! Husband, Baby Boy, and male dog! In a house, 3 br 2.5 bath. In the suburbs.
M is for Mom’s name - Linda
N is for Names of best friends - Marybeth, Jill, Shawn
O is for overnight hospital stays - just the baby's birth
P is for Phobias - none, really
Q is for Quote you like - "Simplify, simplify, simplify!" -Thoreau (do I follow it? That's another story)
R is for Relationship that lasted longest - thankfully, this one with husband! 6 years, including dating :)
S is for Siblings - 1 wonderful sister
T is for Time of Day you prefer - morning person. 9 am. (another one I made up! The meme came without a "T")
U is for Unique trait - how about the flouride stains on my teeth? They're pretty darn unique unless you're from Hereford, TX
V if for Vegetable you love - tomatoes, especially fresh from the garden
W is for Worst trait - judgemental-ness
X - is for X-rays you’ve had - just teeth
Y is for Yummy food you make - crepes, and (easy) shrimp etouffee
Z is for Zodiac sign - Gemini

So... um.... I'm eating crow

I have a confession. I've been using ASL signs with AJ. Shocked??? I know. I made such a big stink about baby signs back in April, and here I go adopting them. I'm sorry, but I realized, in a real light bulb over the head moment, that this means of communicating might help prevent (or stop) the Toddler Tantrums. Ding Ding Ding!! We have a winner. Judging by the (sweet, but) sometimes already whiney nature of my darling boy, we might need a weapon against the Tantrums. Also judging by my Mom's tales of my own Tantrums, which were the classic, face-down-on-the-floor, flailing-all-appendages variety.

I still maintain that babies create their OWN signs before learning anything WE teach them. Just for the record. Pass the salt, my crow's not all that tasty.

Takes me back!

Isn't it just astounding how music can make you travel back in time? I mean... astounding! I pulled out the old Vertical Horizon CD this morning -- remember them? The one-hit wonders of 1999-2000? -- and, man, was I transported right back to the time when DH and I were first dating! *Awwww.* The whole album is so melancholy. All about "You don't want me back," and "You were the best I ever had," and "I just thought I'd let you go..." But because it was purchased back in The Day, at one of the great little independent record shops we used to frequent when we weren't (gasp) suburbanites.... and because it was one of the first CDs WE purchased, together, to share.... it sounds purely romantic to me. I listened to it ad infinitum back then, and could do it again now just for the memories. Makes me feel all lovey. :)

Beauty is random

J., in our office, cleaned out her closet this weekend and found 30-plus bottles of ununsed nail polish. She's giving them away. Then, The Boss, who's just returned from a week in France, came back with a plethora of mini perfumes, which he just gave to each staff member, White-Elephant style. (We drew numbers. I know, right??!) On my desk I now have Rosewine and Creamy Cocoa for my toes, and "O" de Lancome (its real name) for behind my ears.

Random.

Unfit.

We tried desperately to baby-proof the house over Memorial Day weekend. I know that we're late doing this... was just reading advice from Baby Center.com, which said that when Baby is 6 months old, it's time. Oops. So we've put it off about 5 months longer than we should have. But we finally have latches on all the dangerous cabinets -- not every cabinet, mind you; I don't believe it cutting them off from all exploratory activity, and I think pots and pans make wonderful (cheap!) toys. We have installed netting along the spindles of our upstairs landing, so that AJ won't wiggle through the gaps and fall to his death. And we tried -- boy, did we ever try -- to hang gates at the top and the bottom of the staircase. Unfortunately, the gates gave us trouble. The first ones we bought required hardware to fasten them to the walls/bannisters, and I wasn't willing to ruin our woodwork. Sorry. We returned those, in exchange for these, which were too tall. Driving to Babies R Us a third time, we came home with what promised to be "the charm"... but these, alas, are not quite wide enough. We suck for not measuring. I will be buying the stinking extenders tonight, and then praying that we can make them work.

Meanwhile, AJ is climbing the stairs handily. And yesterday, he fell from them, onto the hardwood floor. Headfirst. I was sitting right there. (See: Title.) I was busy re-organizing the pile of books I've got shoved in my hall closet, getting them ready to go to the used bookstore (one of these days). I didn't even hear him fall over the rustle of paper bags. He hit his head pretty good. Thanks be to God, there wasn't blood or even a bruise. A little apple juice and some hugs, and he felt better. He must not have fallen from very far up (although I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I'M SUCH A TERRIBLE, INATTENTIVE MOTHER). He did get sleepy quite early last night, and woke up later than usual this morning, but I don't think he has a concussion, or if so, it must be extremely mild and he'll probably live. In the end, I'm sure I cried more than he did (I took a short drive later, and it all came flooding out).

I realize that kids are going to fall down, especially at this age. A co-worker told us last week, when I mentioned we were getting the gates for the stairs, "Oh, they all fall down the stairs." Not sure if that's true (horrors!), but I know I'm not the only Mommy this has happened to. I'm just ashamed of having been so busy with my own crap that I didn't watch him. Four-point-five seconds was all it took. To think what might have happened... it plays right into My Biggest Fear (see previous post). Anyway, God has given me another chance to be a decent mother. A chance that I will guard much more carefully in the future.

Five, five, 'n' five

Gratitude Journal:

1. It's Friday! It's a long weekend! We have no plans!
   
2. I found a very cool self-tanner by Jergens, called Natural Glow, made especially for very fair-skinned people like me! Wa-hoo! I no longer resemble the color of snow, and for that I am grateful.
   
3. My co-worker just brought in Hot Doughnuts Now from Krispy Kreme. I had one.
   
4. I made mashed potatoes last night and they were not lumpy. (Elbow grease, baby, not an electric mixer!)
   
5. My birthday is only 8 days away! I'm grateful for another year, but having a birthday around the corner just makes me happy. I'm goofy like that. ;)
   

Friday's Feast:

1. Appetizer -- Approximately how many hours per day do you spend watching television?
   I'd say 1-2. The TV is ON at my house for about 4 hours a day (ugh, that makes me sad), but during most of that time I'm doing other things like cooking dinner or playing with AJ; it's just background noise. If I were the only one living at my house, I think this would be different... I like me some peace and quiet.
   
2. Soup -- Which colors decorate your kitchen?
   Hmph, "cornflower" blue is the paint and wallpaper color. With a floral border that the previous owners chose. Not my favorites, but they look okay. The cabinets are (horrible) off-white formica.
   
3. Salad -- Name 2 brand names you buy on a regular basis, and what do you like about them?
   Squeeze Parkay, which I like because it's convenient as all heck; and Crystal Light, which I like because it is a much more delicious way to drink water. (And serves up all the aspertame a girl could want.)
   
4. Main Course -- What is your biggest fear? -- That something is going to happen to completely change the general good fortune of my family. We've had our share of stuff, I mean -- jobs lost, grandparents dying -- but I mean like, a dreaded disease or a horrible accident or unexpected tragedy. We have always been so richly blessed, that the frightened part of me wonders when will the odds turn against us, and something awful change the course of our history? That's my (somewhat irrational) fear. It hides in the corners of my heart and sometimes bubbles up to worry me.
   
5. Dessert -- If you could wake up tomorrow and find yourself in another location, where would you want to be?
   At the family's beach condo for the next 3 weeks. Only 22 days 'til we're actually there (for 1 week), but that is NOT SOON ENOUGH.
   

...and finally... Five things I want to buy Right Now:

1. new swimsuits for me, AJ, and hubby
   
2. spray-bottle sunscreen
   
3. shovel and pail for someone's first beach trip
   
4. brightly colored summer shorts and tops for me
   
5. about 4 new pairs of sandals
   

You can't tell what I'm dreaming about, can you?

Ooh, Famous People!

How come nobody told me that Rob & Amber bought a house in Pensacola?! That is my hometown, folks! Practically my whole family lives there. We think we could tell what side of town they lived on, but of course CBS was quite discreet and didn't give much away. I wonder if they bought there for anonymity's sake? Or was it because they "fell in love on the beach" (as was repeated more than once on the 2-hour "Rob & Amber Get Married" special last night), and so they wanted to live near a [perfect, most beauitful in the world] beach? DH suggested that maybe since Rob's in construction, he's gone down there to help rebuild after Hurricane Ivan (they're still not fully recovered from it). It'd be nice if he were that considerate... although I'm sure it'd be a good-paying job. On the other hand, I can't imagine that he needs construction any more. DH and I said last night we'd watch even MORE of Rob if CBS gave him his own show. We're that dorky about it. He's funny as hell. We love that Boston accent.

We're totally going to drive around looking for them when we go down in June. Stalkers R Us.

And what's with there being NO info about this in the Pensacola newspaper? Help me out, here!

Ohhhh. Now I get it.

This past weekend, AJ got a bit sick. He had a fever when I picked him up from daycare on Friday, and that fever continued through the night and into most of Saturday, until he finally had a decent nap around 5:30pm. We had made a quick weekend trip to see his great-grandparents, and with all the extra people wanting to play with him, he just couldn't settle, y'know? Didn't want to miss the action... even though you could plainly see he was Dying For A Nap.

I have talked about fever before, but lordy mercy, was he hot! Despite me pouring Tylenol in him every 3 hours. Didn't have a clue what to do about his sleeping arrangements. When I'm sick, I get chilled and want to cuddle down under all the blankets and get to the part where the fever breaks and I sweat. But I didn't know if he was hot or cold. What to do? I guess he lived with the light blanket I left in his Pack-n-Play. Anyhow, by Saturday evening he was acting like himself again, which means he was zooming across the floor in his little walker thingy. Yay!

Last night, I cuddled my chilled self under my covers. I woke up sweaty, but still feel pretty oogy today. You couldn't pay me to eat, not because I'm sick to my tummy, I just don't feel like it.

So I guess maybe I shouldn't have tried So Dang Hard all day Saturday to get some food into my little one. I tried Cheerios, yogurt (his favorite), cereal, applesauce, juice.... he wanted none of it. Sorry 'bout that, kiddo. Now I get it. But where do you draw the line between feeding them to be sure they are getting some nutrition, and letting them go hungry? I guess they let you know if they get to "I'm starving" mode. At any rate, I will do better next time. Reminder to self: He's a person. A little one, but a person just like me.

This is not a movie review

But it is a comment on my generation

I loved Revenge of the Sith. Love, love, loved it. And let me just make an important disclaimer right here: I am Not a Geek. There are no costumes in our household and we wouldn't be caught dead at any Convention. However, my heart got caught in my throat when the first chord struck, and the block-lettered Star Wars logo scrolled up the screen For The Very Last Time in our lives. I cried a little. It was the beginning of me spending 140 minutes thinking about how this epic series has defined my generation. I wrote an article about this in 1997 -- which was published in the local newspaper, I might add boastfully -- when Episode IV was re-released. The original was, if I remember correctly, the first or second movie I ever saw in a theater. (Mom, do you remember? I think I was about six, which doesn't make sense because I was six in 1980, but somehow, it's imprinted as a milestone in my memory.) That article I wrote was about how, even though I was a little girl in 1977 and thus, didn't have any action figures or that cool Darth Vader carrying case, the movie and its sequels made an impact on me. Somehow we knew they were Important. My sister and I had a friend, Betsy, who made us "play" Star Wars in the mid '80s. Of course, she always got to be Leia. I think I was C-3PO on a good day. Probably a nameless storm trooper when she was feeling particularly bossy. And my sis, because she was the youngest, got to be an Ewok. (Whom we loved. What's with all the uber-fans being mad about the the Ewoks?! They were nowhere near as hateful as Jar-Jar. They were for us GIRLS, people. Get it, for Marketing? And thank you, Mr. Lucas.)

My point being, these movies have been part of my whole life. I never cared that much about them after the first three were done -- you know, in high school when cheerleading and musical theater and boys and algebra became central to my life. Or in college when I learned that there was such a thing as a Star Wars Geek. But since it has now been almost THIRTY years since the first "Ta-Da!" of John Williams' score hit the screen, I realize that in my life, Star Wars has always been there. The struggle between good and evil. The knowledge that there's A Force. The "I've got a bad feeling about this." I mean, our government named a missle defense system after this story. It's the mythology of our time. It's legend. It's that important.

Important enough, if I may be so bold, that I think I want my children to know (and maybe love?) these stories as much as we do. That was another thought I had while watching on Friday. At one point, the scene cut to a beautiful view of the planet Naboo, and I immediately knew it was Naboo, and I thought, "I want AJ to be able to recognize Naboo instantly, too." As if it's a real place! Ha! Am I weird for feeling that way?

I think it's hugely significant to these actors to have played a part in this story. It's like they, too, are a part of history. Forever, for All Time, their faces will represent these characters, no matter what other movies they go on to make. Because no one would ever re-make Star Wars, I hope. At least not in my lifetime.

I learned something interesting in talking to my co-workers about this last installment. Several women in our office -- my age, mostly, although a few are a bit younger -- said they never cared for Star Wars. WHAT? Well, they explained that their brothers had all the action figures and annoyed them to death with light sabre wars when they were little. Huh. Never thought about that. Since I didn't have any brothers, I wasn't made to hate it! And I'm so glad. I'm glad it means so much to me.

I think I'm making too much of this. Let me break it down to specifics.

• Hayden Christensen, despite his perfectly AWFUL performance in Attack of the Clones, was great. He sank beautfully into the dark side of himself.
• C-3PO had funny lines, just like in the first movies, that added comic relief when it was sorely needed.
• (Warning: Mini-Spoiler here:) I cried again when Obi-Wan was screaming, "Anakin, you were my [figurative] brother!" Ewan MacGregor rocks.
• And I cried the third time at the end, where the whole series, all six episodes, were finally tied up so neatly. The one question I'd been asking myself as the film progressed (based on a line in the movie that I won't give away) was answered at the very end, and I was so glad. Glad because it was the one surprise left in the storyline, that I hadn't read about anywhere.

In summary, go see it. Especially if you are part of Gen X, and even if you are not a Geek. You owe it to yourself to experience the whole long legendary thing. And (I have to say it, forgive me), May the Force Be With You.

So much to say

...so little time. I have posts percolating about Episode III, our weekend, life and death, families, AJ, and other sundries. Just not enough time to write them! (Darn this real job.) Hope all of you are having a great Monday so far. :)

C'mon, get happy

If, in your lifetime, you get to have a morning like I have almost every morning, you are indeed a lucky soul. My little AJ wakes up so happy! He sleeps very well through the night, for which I am also grateful. He sometimes stirs at 4 or 4:30, but not enough to wake up; just a little "Mmmuh. Muummh," to let us know he's all right. Then, when it is time to wake up, and I slowly open the door to his room, I see him through the crib slats, sitting with his blankie curled around his legs. He ducks his little head with a grin, kind-of shy and still sleepy. He rubs his eyes a bit and peers out to see if Puppy is coming in, too. Usually when he sees Puppy, the leg-kicking starts. And then he climbs up to meet me as I lean over, grab him and SMOOOSH him with kisses and hugs. He's the most cuddly after he wakes up and I just can't take it, it's so cute!! AAAAHHH!! It gets me right in the heart!! He's napping now, so I get to enjoy this very scene in about 30 minutes. :)

Thoughts on child-raising

I just read a profound comment to the recent post on parenting methods,
at a little pregnant.

"What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well meaning relations -- what they taught me was that they couldn't teach me much at all. Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize it is an endless essay. No one knows anything."

Perhaps this is why all of us parents are busily writing in our blogs.

Our drama!

For the sake of posterity, I think it's important to make note of the events of this weekend. My Mom and Dad came for a weekend visit on Friday afternoon, from Florida. Any of you with kids know, when Grandma and Grandpa come to visit, it is All About The Baby. Despite claims that they were coming to pick up something they'd shipped to me (in order to avoid paying the sales tax).... despite the fact that I'm their firstborn and they used to like seeing me (kidding, Mom).... despite any nice plans we make to go to dinner or go shopping, or any other event.... they now visit for the sole purpose of seeing/holding/cooing at/tickling/watching/lovin' on The Baby.

Imagine my surprise, then, when Grandma arrived and went right past AJ, up to the guest room bed with a sick stomach! She maybe gave him a quick kiss, and commented on how he'd grown, but did not stay to tickle or cuddle or goo-goo at him. I expected a short nap and a return by dinnertime, but no such thing happened. When 10:30pm rolled around with no hope whatsoever of her making a social appearance, we were all a bit concerned, and Grandma moreso, since she had realized the pain was located in her lower right abdomen, and hurt to the touch, and Would Not Go Away. A quick phone call to the family doctor, and we were off to the Emergency Room to be sure this wasn't Appendicitis. . . but it WAS!!

Long story short, her surgery began at about 1:00am. Ended about 1:40am. (Amazing how fast they can do it with the laproscope!) She and Granddad stayed overnight at the hospital, and she was released about 14 hours after she first entered their doors, on Saturday afternoon. We were impressed with the hospital's efficiency; paperwork, tests, admittance, and discharge were all very well handled. She's doing just fine, thanks to the Percocet, and even returned home to Florida on Sunday. (It's just a 6-hour drive.)

She's a trooper, that Mom of mine. AJ being all squirmy these days, she didn't dare hold him before or immediately after the surgery. But for a few minutes on Sunday when she just couldn't stand it any longer, he was a good boy and sat quietly on her lap. Awwwwww. I'm so glad it all worked out okay -- they made it here, and she could rest, and there was a good surgeon ready and waiting for her. And I'm so thankful it's all over -- all that remains is a funny story for me to tell this morning.

Feel better, Mom.

personality type

I've never taken the Myers-Briggs. But here I am:

Your #1 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

Your #2 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #3 Match: ISFP

The Artist You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now). You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children. Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life. Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs. You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

What's Your Personality Type?

Also found this interesting. It's pretty dead-on for who I think I am. And I like being in the company of Louisa May Alcott and Melanie, from GWTW! :) They were nice. I'll have to get DH to take this.

P.S. Did you see how it says I should be an interior decorator??!

Fast and furious

This is what I'm talking about -- at my job, it's either feast or famine. And today it's feast, and feast fast. Am working mad fast to get a new website proofread and fixed and presentable by tomorrow morning when the client was promised a chance to see it. Yi-yi-yi. My heart's all jumpy and I can't seem to think fast enough while assigning last-minute tasks, and making decisions here and there and everywhere.

One day it's this craziness, the next day it's s-u-p-e-r--s---l----ooooowwwww (or, more accurately, I'm either frantic and worried, or wholly un-motivatived and bored).

Zig Ziglar and Zip-a-dee-doo-dah

At the risk of sounding entirely too perky....
If anyone asks me, "How are you?" today, I'm going to respond, "Fine as frog's hair!" like my Uncle Paul always says, because it is one of my favorite expressions of his and always makes me smile.

The weather is gorgeous. By 2pm it will be entirely too hot at 82 degrees, but no matter, I will be inside at that time.

I am wearing a new shirt that I bought yesterday on a mad-dash lunch-hour spree, and I like it. It's so nice to have new clothes. Especially when they are $9.99.

The Amazing Race ended last night with a rousing 2-hour episode and a team worthy of winning... (except... DH and I are almost sure that the plane re-opening its doors to let Joyce and Uchenna on was a CBS scam. Planes just don't do that, I'm sorry. However, J & U overcame a whole lot of other obstacles -- flat tire, begging for money, hello! -- and they played a good game the entire time. So, woo-hoo! They deserved it.)

On my way to work this morning, I had the privilege of hearing a radio interview with none other than Zig Ziglar, who evidently has a new book out. Zig is a motivational speaker with a thick southern accent whose "See You At the Top" class I took way back in 1985. I was in the 6th grade. He's getting older, and you could tell by his corny jokes, like this one: Did you hear about the two holes in the ground?.......Well, well..... (Groan.) But he's still a stirring, enthusiastic guy. It was great to hear him. Several times, I laughed out loud. It's surprising how many things I still remember from his class! For example, that we shouldn't ever say, "I never got around to it." (To combat this, he handed out wooden coins imprinted with the words "Round Tuit" -- so no one in the class could claim they never got one. A round tuit. Get it? Get it?? Clever man.) He talked about never coming home after a rough day and "kicking the cat." Meaning, even if you're stressed or tired, don't take it out on other people (or innocent animals)! I don't remember loving the class at the time I took it (twice), but now, years later, I'm grateful for the experience. (I wish I still had my Tuit.)

At any rate, when the interview was over, Zig signed off by saying, "See you at the top!" which I thought was so cute! He kind-of snuck it in, last minute. Half the listeners didn't even catch it, I bet. But I did. It made me smile. His whole deal is being postiive, so that's going to be the goal. There's a lot of negativity in the world. And a lot in our household, sometimes -- we're too tired, or there's not enough money, or the baby isn't eating well, or work drains our energies. But: Today, let's be happy. OK? Ok. Cool.

Follow-up to my decorating dilemma

On Sunday, Mother's Day, I was given the directive to do whatever I wanted to do... and that meant Shopping. For my mantel. For the decorating. So, armed with not much but a lifetime of Trading Spaces episodes in my head, I proceeded to Garden Ridge hoping for some bargains. And I found some: A large mirror for $50 (regularly $70), dried flowers on sale for .99 a bunch, picture frames, etc.

More important, while I was there wandering the aisles, wondering how in the world to position all my new items and give this mantel some focus, I experienced the touch of the Muses, and had An Idea! I hurried home, because this Idea was Good. This was Creative, and Contemporary, and Sophisticated, and Slightly Off-Center, and I needed to get home so that the folks at Architectural Digest could just go ahead and schedule their photo shoot in my New Fabulous Living Room.

Monday was a work-from-home day, so in-between scooting AJ around the house on his little plastic trike and writing some pages for the New Client website, I Windexed the mirror, cleared out the rest of the c-r-a-p still hovering in that room, and Did the Decorating. Now, let me see if I can explain this for you... I stood the rectangular mirror vertically, rather than horizontally, about 2/3 of the way off-center toward the left. (We have high celings in this room which can accommodate a tall mirror.) I had never intended to hang the mirror, just to lean it against the wall (which, I've read, is the current trend). At the far left, I put three wrought-iron-and-glass candle holders, filled with dried split peas under the votives, a trick I learned at a Southern Living at Home party. (Guess I have to take back the mean things I said about them before!) To the right of the mirror I've got two antique books laying horizontally, spines facing out (Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, incidentally). They're sorta catty-corner. Above them, a pretty little red 5x7 picture frame, which I will hang on the wall. It's small, but postitioned lower, close to the mantel, it fills the space between the mirror and the far right edge. The far right is home to a new floral arrangement of eucalyptus, tall, thin, green bamboo sticks, and some fuzzy "weeping" fronds... (how to describe?!)... I'm pleased with it. It's very tall, which balances the height of the mirror. And eucaplytus smells so darn good. Finally, I intend to buy a small mantel clock and set it atop the books. Haven't found one yet, but you can imagine it there.

Now, isn't that pretty? Elegant, simple, and not the norm. The norm would be hanging the mirror horizontally, right? And maybe putting a picture frame ON the mantel. But MY Idea is just a little better. Vertical mirror! Hanging the picture frame! Brilliant, right? I was (and am), as you can tell by the length of this post, very proud of my accomplishment, and relieved that I'd succeeded! I couldn't wait for hubby to get home so I could show him. (NOW you know where this is going, don't you?) Here's what he said when he walked into the room -- which I had also, I might point out, Cleaned Up before he got home, to give it the full effect of its Glory. He said:

"That is pretty interesting."

Hey, what's that on the floor? Oh, sorry, let me get that. It's my Spirit. It wilted. *Sigh.*

Bless his heart, he later said he thought it looked good. And I guess it wasn't what he expected. It's just that I'd worked so hard. I felt SO GOOD about it. Oh well. I guess you can't win 'em all.

I still love it. Come on over, I'll show you -- it's the perfect room for having tea, or Book Club. It's perfect.

Spring Cleaning

Our new carpet has been installed. Not quite the thrill I was hoping for, because it's essentially the same color we had before. But this carpet is CLEAN and NEW and that is a wonderful thing.

However. The whole event has gotten me into cleaning mode, and that might NOT be such a good thing. We had to move all the furniture, of course, which included a bookshelf. I have had this (Wal Mart) bookshelf for at least 5 years, and in that time it has accumulated many, many shelves' worth of c-r-a-p. Books, yes, but also crap. Where did I get a San Diego travel guide? And why? I've never gone touristing to San Diego. And why do we still have DH's fraternity tiki-shaped thing -- I don't know, is it a coffee mug? I think maybe we've outgrown tiki memorabilia by now. Also, why do I have 7 sets of playing cards, some of them still unopened? We have played cards exactly once in the time we've lived at our house (maybe a 2nd time when Mom and Sis visited, and we broke out in simultaneous Solitaire games, as is our tradition). Anyway, when I had to dislodge all this junk from the bookshelf, and more important, when I had to put it all back last night, I started having a panic attack about how to better decorate and how much stuff there is to get rid of. I'm even ready to toss some of the somewhat valuable stuff. I'm just sick of looking at all of it.

My house hasn't ever looked like a magazine, but I'd like to head more in that direction than the post-college, "no-money-to-buy-nice-things" look I've been harboring all these years. And less clutter! I've got to pare down if I'm going to keep my sanity. Truly. We can't continue to collect little junk items and me have a stress-fit every other year. I have two mantels in the house. One has a collection of family photos -- probably 15 or so. I want to wipe it clean. I'm sick of the pictures, sick of the frames. My other one has several books, a decorative plate, a crystal vase, a set of candles, 2 knick-knacky angels... ?! It's bad, it's really bad. They say a mantel is the focal point of the room, and mine need focus!

Here's my main problem. I know I joke about shopping... but I am NOT a very good shopper. I don't like spending money. I cringe when a decorative item is $29.99. That seems expensive to me. (I know, it's a sickness.) My developing theory is that, in order to have fewer things that look nicer.... I need to have somewhat expensive things. So there ya go, I'm in a fix. Quite literally. I will be fixing this problem from now, until.

Your kind offerings, on my behalf, to the gods of interior decorating are appreciated.

I've been tagged!

Ooh, fun, a Game! Thanks, Miss Issues, for pegging me. Here's how we play: I choose, from this list, 5 things I might want to be, and complete the sentences. I add one at the end, chain-letter-style, along with a link to me. I pick three people to try this game after me, and then, TAG! They're it! So, here we go:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an archaeologist...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a servicemember...
If I could be a business owner...
If I could be an actor...
If I could be an agent...
If I could be video game designer...
If I could be photographer...
If I could be a circus performer...
If I could be a spy...
If I could be a fashion designer...(MySelf)

If I could be a musician... and actually get paid enough from it to make a living, I would do it. I would sing weddings (the CHURCH part, not the Adam Sandler-Wedding Singer part!) and I would be a paid staff singer at some church, and be invited to sing in various seasonal choirs, and maybe even be brought in as a soloist for some concerts. Quelle Dream!

If I could be a gardener... that is, if I had any resemblance of green anywhere near my thumb, I would try to work for a landscaper. I think it would be immensely gratifying to touch the earth every day, and to make things prettier by my having worked with them. To water flowers, pray for sunlight, and watch nature's magic take place. I wouldn't want to be the designer, mind you. Not 'til I had at least a few years under my belt. I'd like to plant things, and wear sunscreen and a hat, and yes, do the manual labor.

If I could be an athlete... I would get plenty enough exercise, for once in my life! I would either be a diving champion (platform, not springboard), a tennis player, or maybe a gymnast. Not an ice-skater, although I am definitely that cheesey.

If I could be photographer... I would take pictures of babies and families. And weddings. And I wouldn't charge an arm and a leg. (Well, maybe I would. We have to eat, after all. And shop.)

If I could be a bonnie pirate... well, all the loot (jewels, treasures) would be nice, but I think I'd get awfully seasick, riding on those old boats all the time. Also, if I could be a bonnie pirate, I would make sure that Johnny Depp was my pirating buddy.

NOW THEN... I'm tagging Beans, Chantal and Gerah. Have fun, ladies!

p.s. Beansy, if you want to do yours in the comments, that's fine, since it really has nothing whatsoever to do with your wedding! :)

Little Debbie is the Devil

OMG, what WAS I thinking?

This morning, I arrived at work hungry and had nothing to eat, not even in my secret stash drawer. I quickly made the decision to take a walk to the Vending Machine. I knew what I wanted. It was calling to me in a breathless whipser: "Yoooo-hooo.... remember me, long-lost friend? Come release me from my vending machine prison. I taste yummmmmmmy. You know you want me and nothing else. I am most certainly a Breakfast Food."

Incidentally, I blame my Neighbor, who was obviously eating something delicious, since the wrapper on it made delightful crinkly-paper noises and got my mouth all watery for Something Processed and Packaged. You Know Who You Are, Neighbor! It's your fault!! (Although yours was probably a healthy granola bar, or at least "fat-free" chocolate.) ;)

And now, as my poor tummy aches just like my mommy said it would, I make my breakfast vow: I will never eat Nutty Bars again. Never never never never. No, Never.

Getting stuff done

Well, damn. I made it to the grocery store, and got my window box annuals planted finally, and have managed to unpack and do a load of laundry, but dang if I can't get my work-work done. Guess it's not as interesting as home-caring. Guess I will be doing it during tonight's episode of 24. Not that I really care if I miss that show anymore. It's always about this point in the season when I'm like, "How many more freaking hours are there in this guy's [super-un-realistic, better than a soap-opera] day, anyway??" But I do admire Jack Bauer... he can get stuff DONE. On zero sleep, no less! Wish I had that skill!

ma-ma, da-da

We think AJ is figuring out ma-ma and da-da. Real WORDS. Evidently while I was gone, he saw a picture of me and DH, and looked at it and said, "ma-ma." **Heart melts.** Sweet, sweet, boy. I missed you, too.

Mom, Sis and I had a wonderful weekend together. We shopped for hours and ate plenty, so it was a great trip by my calculations. The bridal shower was lovely, I thought.

I am devoid of anything else interesting to say.

Off I go

I leave tonight for the other side of North America.

I intend to sleep in tomorrow, so don't bother me.

I promise not to call home every 5 minutes to see how AJ is doing.

I will not write out detailed menu selections for each of his meals.

I will not panic if his Gammy feeds him nothing but ice cream and/or cookies.

Perhaps I won't even ask about that.

I will have a fabulous time with my two favorite women in the entire universe -- Mom and Sis.

I am serious, I really won't call home all the time. Really. Maybe just twice a day.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

THIS time, I knew what he was doing when he snuck out to Walgreen's at 9pm "to get some Q-tips." And the greeting card on the kitchen table this morning confirmed my suspicions. :) Today is our fourth anniversary. FOUR YEARS! FOUR YEARS sounds like a long time to me. It's the length of high school -- God knows THAT is a long time! The length of college -- a very IMPORTANT time. So, we've survived school once again. We are so, so blessed to have each other. The two words I must say after this year of learning so many new things, of horomonal imbalance to the Nth degree, of love beyond all loves for a tiny little wailing creature... this year of making less money and spending more (on necessitites like formula and diapers), this year of more laundry than we ever thought possible, of never having enough time in the day, of falling asleep at 8:30pm instead of 11... of a dirtier house, a more annoying dog, a banged-up car, and a lot of washing of bottles... of trying to find the balance between work and life and home and church and singing and video games and yardwork and the (very) occassional dinner out.... you have been my lighthouse and my comfort, and still are my very best friend... and the two words that I owe you are Thank (and) You.

Wisdom and wine

It turns out you don't need any member of a Book Club to have read the book, in order to have productive, enlightening, funny, fabulous conversation. Maybe Certainly, it was the wine that made us all feel so philosophical last night -- but I am consistenly amazed by the women in this group. They are friends in every sense of the word, and role models to me. They are educated and professional, but never intellectually puffed up. They are mommies (almost all of us now!), and shining examples of what it is to be good at that important job, no matter how they choose to do it (at home full-time or while working careers). Last night we talked about all the different kinds of motherhood, and the role of women in society, and how that role has changed (and yet, stayed much the same) throughout history, and that women today have so much power that needs to be used for the greater good. And how our generation is a pivotal one, we think, for the role that women will play in the future, because we were the first generation to be told, "You can be whatever you want to be." And other such mind-expanding topics. I'm so, so, lucky to know each of them.

P.S. Is it telling that the book we were supposed to have read was The Man in the Iron Mask, written by a man, about men (the ever-swashbuckling Musketeers), with one female character (the Queen Mother) who was basically powerless in her life and the lives of her sons? Hmmm?

Fun meme

I picked this up from Buffalo Wings and Vodka, and I like its spunk. Not your average, tell-me-about your-childhood-meme. You actually get to be opinionated in this one. What could be funner?!

Caesar’s Bath meme! List five things that people in your circle of friends or peer group are wild about, but you can’t really understand the fuss over. To use the words of Caesar (from History of the World Part I), “Nice. Nice. Not thrilling . . . but nice.”

1. The Apprentice. Someone actually said to me last night that she "learns things, you know, for the business world," by watching this show. Wha-huH? You have got to be kidding me. Wanna-be TV stars sucking up to The Donald? What's to learn? It's all about team dynamics and besides the fact that I dislike, and have always disliked, team projects, all you need to know is do your part, don't make waves. Oh, but there are always plenty of waves on that show. Drama-this and "I don't want to work with you anymore, so there" -that. It's fake, fake, fake, and besides that, stupid. I can't believe it's lasted more than one season.

2. Chai tea. Everyone's drinking this stuff but it tastes like crap to me. It's hot, watered-down milk with some kind of spicy, clove-like "zing?" Yuck. Wait, it isn't even milk, it's SOY. Double Yuck.

3. Safari for Mac OSX. Okay, in general, I will wholeheartedly agree that Mac products rule. But Safari… ? The Bookmarks feature sucks. I don't even understand it. Also, I always get the "Stop" button, an "X," mixed up with the plus sign right next to it, which is for Adding a Bookmark. I will say the Google bar at top right is a nifty feature, but still. I give Safari a 4.5 out of 10. Big woop. (Admittedly, I can only name one person who's said she's "wild" about it. But there are several who "like it better.")

4. Southern Living at Home products. I mean, really. I have a lot of these products and they're lovely. . . they're just not all that much nicer than what I could find at Pier One. Or, even better, Target. And I don't like having to invite my friends over to buy exorbitantly priced serving trays and flower arrangers. (For useful, inexpensive Pampered Chef kitchen items? Yes. Come spend your money at my house and I'll get free stuff. But not hoity-toity candle-holders.) Give me the well-produced magazine, and you can keep your home décor.

5. The Wiggles. (This one is really for AJ's sake.) All the little ones go ga-ga over the Wiggles, dancing in the aisles when they see a live show, waiting all morning for their 22 minutes of Disney air-time. AJ says, "Eh, whatever. They're not all that." He couldn't care less. Perhaps this will change in the future but I swear, I try to entice him with the bright colors and wacky Australian songs, and he'll watch for about 5 minutes, then goes back to being interested in the leaf I tracked onto the rug with my wet shoes. That goes for any kids' programming, really. Especially Baby Einstein. And I so wanted him to like those.

purpose

Today I have a purpose. Whew. I'll be making client edits to some copy and then proceeding with the site buildout, hooray. I feel better. I guess I felt down the other day because our work is always just so unpredictable. Although we set timetables, rarely do our clients keep every deadline, so we can have real "droughts" on every project. Sigh. Anyway, I guess I'm not so useless today.

Concert and singing updates: Everything went fine (got paid my hundred bucks for the wedding -- score!), and in truth, I'm just glad it's all finally finished. I even have the week off from Wednesday choir practice, since I'll be out of town on Sunday. After it was all said and done, I had some pretty extreme guilt about being gone most of the weekend, this one and last (it didn't help that I was pms-ing, either, and more moody than usual). My family needs to come first and this weekend, it really would have looked, to the outside observer, like music was my #1 priority. I'm still feeling a bit guilty because I'll be gone again THIS weekend, out of town (just me, not the hubby or baby).... but this is a very important occasion, and the ONLY thing important enough for me to leave town without them -- my sister's bridal shower. (Hubby assures me, by the way, that I must not obsess about the guilt. It's okay to feel it, but not to let it take the fun away from the things I'm doing. And he's right.)

So, the shower! We're so excited. Mom and I are both flying out to Sissy's to celebrate with her. We're going to "visit" her dress, and hopefully shop and do girly things. :) I'm definitely looking forward to it. I haven't seen Sis since, let's see... January! Too long! That's number one on my list of ten things I want to do before I die: Live close to Sis again. (I stole that from other people's blogs, but it's true for me, too.) I haven't finished my list but here's how it starts:

1. Live close to sis -- in same town
   
2. Be a stay at home mommy
   
3. Grow tomatoes
   
4. Give money to all the causes I believe in, including St. Jude's Children's Hospital and NPR
   
5. Write something that gets read, by me, on NPR (you know, a book review or commentary)
   

That's it so far.

Mind if I spruce up a little?

The place needed a pick-me-up. It's much better Pink. Brighter, bolder. Me likey.

What am I doing awake at this hour? AJ wakes up in less than 6 (especially since he went to bed at about 7:30 tonight), and therefore I Should Be Asleep. But I'm all keyed up after our rehearsal and although my eyes are sorta burning, I'm awake. Have lots of thoughts running through my head.

Thank you God for getting me home during the Major Thunderstorm that started as we were walking out of the church. I was directly in it the majority of the ride home. Had visions of tomorrow's concert being a really sad affair since we're performing "Lux Aeterna," part of the Requiem funeral prayer. "We deeply regret that one of our members, Soprano MySelf, was blown off the road last night after rehearsal. Evidently her eyes were burning and the pitch black of GA 120 didn't help, especially after that transformer blew at about 10:35...But all the more reason that The Show Must Go On, so that we can all sing for her Eternal Rest and Perpetual Light...sob, sob, sob."

Must remember to change the changing table cover (dirty) before the babysitter comes over tomorrow night, and remember to go to the grocery store and buy something for said babysitter to eat. (I always loved sitting for people who said, "Help yourself to the Stouffer's French Bread pizza in the freezer." Mmmm.)

My head hurts. PMS and singing for 2.5 hours. On a Friday. After work. Ow.

Wish that one post hadn't sparked someone to be negative in the Comments. Then again, why do I care so much what other people think? My best friend and I were discussing this the other day -- we predict (and have been told by others) that by the time we turn forty, we will cease to give a rip. That'll be better.

Wow, did I have a hard time at work today. Am feeling a bit useless in my job. Which is my doing, totally, but is kinda hard to deal with. Before taking the writing job, I could have been considered one of 2 things: The Boss' right-hand man, or else, his Secretary. (I prefer the former, thankyouverymuch.) Either way, he consulted with me a lot. It felt like, even though it wasn't the case, I was Quite Important. Now, he rarely comes to me for advice, or to share the "insider" secrets he knows about the company. Not that I care about being Important, but besides that, I just don't feel "central" to any of the projects going on. I feel very non-contributive. Or is it "contributory?" Whatever, it isn't good. Problem is, I'm fairly unmotivated to do anything about it. Don't know what to do about that. Hope no one notices? (Except the 2 coworkers who read this blog, of course... eeks. Hi, ladies.)

That one was deep. Much too much for 11:46pm on a Friday night. I'm beat. 'Night.

My Friday Five

Time to do some thanking for these blessings:

1. AJ no longer displays fits of crying and despair when I drop him off at daycare. I leave him in a highchair, ready for Cheerios (I think Cheerios ought to be paying me for all this free publicity), and he swings his little feet and happily observes the goings-on in his classroom. He'll even let me wave "bye-bye" without getting upset. This is a major feat and I'm so proud of him! And relieved. I love walking to my car and peering in the window to see him just watching his teacher and swapping morning babble/conversation with her.

2. Yesterday I finally got the (annoying) task of buying new carpet for our dining room finished. Now, several people have pointed out to me that new carpet + young child (not to mention dog) don't always add up right. And I know there are risks of muddy feet and spit-up involved. However, we are pretty sure the current carpet is mildew-y, and it refuses all the chemical fixes we have tried (well, admittedly we've only really tried one or two things)... it's just not worth messing with anymore. I don't want AJ sitting on, and rubbing his hands on, and rolling around on, years-old, leftover mildew from the previous owners. Yuck. Besides, new carpet will look nice and smell new. So there. I'm grateful. All that's left is scheduling it, and voila, happy new room.

3. I am privileged to be singing in a concert this weekend that I think will be fun for me and hopefully enjoyable for whatever audience shows up. If you're at all interested in choral music, please, for the love of Pete, go buy Morten Lauridsen's CD "Lux Aeterna" and listen to the first 5 tracks. Heaven on earth. In fact, it's used at conferences for the study of Near-Death Experiences; some claim it's the exact music you hear in heaven. I'm not kidding! Anyway, it's gorgeous and completely makes up for having to also sing Mozart's Missa Brevis (gag).

4. Lunch plans today with 2 girlfriends and I'm very glad we finally coordinated our schedules.

5. I'm grateful that DH's appointment with the doctor went extremely well yesterday.

Benedict XVI

We have a new Pope!

What will be strange is, this Sunday, during the Eucharistic Prayer, hearing the priest say, "...together with Benedict, our Pope, Wilton, our bishop..." In my whole life, I've never heard anything but, "John Paul, our Pope." The four syllables fit so nicely: da-dum, da-dum. Benedict sounds .... different.

But, hooray, we have a new Pope!

well I DID major in it

Your Inner European is French!

Smart and sophisticated. You have the best of everything - at least, *you* think so.

Who's Your Inner European?

I think this is funny because: a) I did study French for a long time, and felt all special and "connected" to what I was studying, with half of my ancestry being Cajun/Acadian/French.... and b) most of the actual "from France" French people I've known (versus the Louisianans), really DO think they have the best of everything. Or know the most of anyone. Or [eat, drink, smoke, converse] better than anyone. This used to drive me batty in the French department at college. I really tried to keep my distance from those snobs..... and finally, c) I reluctantly must place myself in the same category, since I often feel myself to be smart, sophisticated and superior. What is it they say? The things you dislike about other people are usually the things you dislike about yourself? Yeah. Um, true in this case.

The hell of it is, I can't speak a dang word of French. If someone asks me a question in French, my cranial translation software boots up VERY slowly. The verb conjugations flicker and bounce around in my brain, I can't remember one iota of vocabulary, and all I can do is say "je parle un peu," then quickly clam up, embarrassed to sound like such une idiot(e?) (It doesn't look right with the "e" but I'm female, right?). See? Not very sophisticated at all.

Singing

On Saturday, we had a marathon rehearsal for the Archdiocesan Choir concert that's coming up in 6 short days. I'm so glad we worked the Lauridsen piece TO DEATH, because it desperately needed such focused concentration (3.5 hours). I hope that the tenor section can pull it off. They sounded pretty scary from where I was sitting. (Sopranos, of course, were wonderful. As were the altos; seems like just the men could use more work. Sorry, folks, them's the facts. Meow.) I think part of the problem is that so many of the singers in that choir are stretched thin, musically. They sing in this or that concert ensemble, plus their parish choir, plus the Arch Choir. It's too much and no one has time to concentrate on that much music unless they don't have day jobs. It was frustrating, to say the least, but again, I'm glad we got the practice-time in.

Speaking of practice, I have just been going over the Ave Maria for a wedding I've been asked to sing. A paid gig, people! And $125 extra dollars fit very nicely into my budget plan for a whole new wardrobe. I hope I will do the song justice. My paternal Grandmother, "Peachy," was known in her little town for singing at weddings, in every church and every denomination. :) I wonder how many she did in her lifetime? I am using the same music she did, in all its tattered glory. My Dad saved it for me after she died. I am soooo thankful to him for giving me that little piece of her. I love seeing her markings (in pen!! eeks!) among the notes. She had a beautiful voice. She taught me two of the lullabies that I sing to AJ, which are the large majoiry of what I sing these days.

This weekend, besides lullabye-ing, I also got to cantor the 5:30 vigil Mass, just me, alone, with the microphone, as loud as you please in front of a congregation who NEVER joined in. Can you see my big grin all the way from over there? I was thrilled to be asked; apparently the regular guy was on vacation. It actually went very well; the things I screwed up were only really audible to me and probably to the pianist. And I learned, I think, that little mistakes (or big ones) are just God's way of keeping my ego in check. (I promise you, it's in check. I don't claim to be the greatest singer out there by any means.) There was also a flutist, about 40 years old or so, who hadn't played in front of anyone since she was 18. She was uber-nervous, which silenced the butterflies in my tummy, since, thank heavens, I have performed in front of people much more recently. (She did great, by the way.) Another little gift though, for which I was grateful.

The only drawback to all of this was that DH was designated babysitter for most of the weekend. I know he doesn't mind -- as a parent, one of the things you crave most is time with your little one -- but I also felt bad for taking away time that he could have been doing something for himself. I don't know what... mowing the lawn? He doesn't play golf or have many hobbies that require him to be out and about. But he deserves some time. Problem is, with the wedding and the dress rehearsal for the concert, and Sunday morning Mass, next weekend will be much the same. I have scheduled a babysitter so that DH can go to hear the concert himself (oh yes, choral music is SO his thing, not)... maybe we can go have a drink afterwards. I'm sure I'll be quite thirsty after all the music-making.

fresh air

It is gorgeous outside today. No... let me think... that doesn't do it justice. It is magnificent. Stunning. Glorious. Spectacular. It's about 67 degrees, the sky is blue, the birds are chattering. AJ and I, wanting to take part in it, sat in the grass and threw the ball for Napoleon about a million times. While he fetched, we pulled at the weeds and grass and AJ tried to eat them. We watched a young kid skateboard through the neighborhood. We felt a slight breeze blow by. We smelled cleeeeen dirt underneath the green. We saw the very definition of "dappled sunlight" teasing our azaleas, and the brightest, best green of the tops of the trees in spring. Can we just call it heaven on earth? Because that's what it was. I could have stayed there lying in the grass all afternoon.

energy shortage

I want to post something so that something besides "diet update" appears at the top of the page. I don't like to think of myself as a "chronic dieter" or even as someone who cares that much. I don't know why I'm embarassed by the headline but I am. So here's a post. I am not promising that it will be a good one.

I want to talk about work, as it's getting to me today. All the conversations and meetings about "taxonomies" and "compliance" and "architectures" and "prospectives" and blah ba dee blah blah corporate language is giving me a headache. Actually, no, it isn't a headache... it's the dread disease, ennui. Bore-dom. The Kingdom of Bore. I'm just not interested today. There are more important -- more interesting -- things in this world.... but, actually, no.... I'm not even interested in them at the moment. I'm tired of reading and absorbing everything that the world, the media, and (especially) our clients are putting out there. Do you know that we never stop absorbing? In the car, we listen to the radio. When we get home, we read our mail. Then check our email. Then our favorite blogs. Then we watch our shows, and of course, the news. I habitually pick up a magazine when I stand in a line, when I wait at the doctor's office, even when I go to the bathroom, just because it's sitting there. It just seems like, with so MUCH information, nothing really means anything. Not even the deep, theological opinions I read online, with interest, this morning. They're just self-absorbed people typing to see themselves in print ("talking to hear themselves talk"). And they obviously tired me out.

(So, here I sit, contributing to the information assault, both in my work and in my blog! I wish myself would shut up and go home.)

five minutes to post a diet update

I am not doing very well with keeping calories low. I have excuses, though -- my parents were in town and we ate out once or twice. :) HOWEVER, I have sore muscles because I've been doing some Pilates when I can. My hips and stomach muscles are workin' it. Today I'm motivated and going to "be good."

Can't stay long because I'm taking the little man to his doctor's appointment (check-up) this morning. Gratitude journal: 1-fitting into old "skinny" pants, 2-AJ took a nap at the perfect time this morning, 3-he's relatively healthy, 4-my parents are awesome, and 5-it might rain today and water my new little garden.

table manners

As I type this, my little boy is having his breakfast -- a pancake (ripped into crumbs) and banana-strawberry baby food. He's actually holding the pancake and putting it into his mouth himself! Figured it out yesterday, with toast. Of course, it's all over him and in between his little fingers, but who cares. That's definitely the way to eat a pancake -- with your hands. :) Wish I could get away with it! Of course, then I wouldn't be able to drown it in syrup like I do. Anyway, I'm eternally grateful to Grandmommy because she's the one helping him not get it in his hair, while I sit here and type.

We planted our flowers, finally; the daisies and dusty miller look great. And Mom and I got to go shopping, Dad and DH grilled steaks out on Saturday, and we went out to dinner on Sunday -- it was such a nice weekend.

The best part has been watching AJ interact with his grandparents, often at mealtimes. Yesterday at breakfast he remembered how to "pretend cough." My Mom and Dad got such a kick out of that. They sat there coughing and laughing at each other for at least 20 minutes. And he knew he was making them laugh -- he discovered what it means to be a ham. Today he's not much interested in the coughing, but he is talking up a storm. Ba-ba-ba-abb-ba. BA. It means everything. Bottle, Banana, Ball, and Hey guys, look over here. :)

When we went to the restaurant, he was so good. (We're lucky that he usually IS very well behaved. In church he never makes one peep.) Except about halfway into our dinner soiree. . . AJ decided it was time to test his volume control. LOUD seemed to be working just fine. So he used it: AH AHA AH AH AH AH AH AH! And AH-AHA-AAHHHHA--AHA-AH! Constantly! We thought it was pretty cute, as he's usually very quiet, but the other patrons did start glancing our way. I knew it was time to try to hush him by distracting him with a spoon, which I assumed he'd put straight into his mouth. Was all prepared to relieve the entire restaurant of his noise. Instead, he managed to reach over to my plate and, after all the shouting, banged the spoon several times for a complementary CLINK CLINK CLINK!! Hilarious.

from quite happy to not, really. . .

A friend of mine is going through cancer treatment. All of us probably have friends or family members who've gone through cancer treatment. I think that's why I have been fairly numb to it since it began for him; because it's just so common, because "they caught it early" (a frequently used palaver), and because I have heard this friend talk confidently about how he will kick this shit, if anyone can. And I know he will, of course he will. But…. Cancer is still a monster. Cancer, partnered with its evil twin, chemo, is still capable of sucking away 30 pounds of human in 1 month. Cancer still takes away the hair on otherwise hairy people! Cancer still makes lips seem pale, and faces seem gaunt, and hearts seem very heavy. Even for strong guys like this friend.

I wasn't aware. I'd think that, with all the damn money going into research for it, we could have advanced so that cancer doesn't DO these things to people. Also, I wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready to stare it in the face when he stopped by today. I feel really bad about not being ready. I feel bad about being surprised at how he looks. I feel bad about joking with him that he is so svelte, when really, it made me sad to see him that way. I just feel bad. I want this hard part to be finished for him.

9-month milestone

Happy 9-month-i-versary, Big Boy! Let's see, 9 months ago right this very moment, I was at the hospital, patiently (thanks to the epidural) waiting for you to appear. I remember watching each contraction on the monitor, and being amazed that I didn't feel anything but a strong pressure each time they came. I remember feeling like each contraction was a fast ride in an elevator. "Going up?" What a strange sensation. I snoozed a little, too. And then. . . then!! At 9:46a.m., when you arrived. . . whammo and pow! A new day dawned, the angels sang (oh yes, they did!), and nothing would ever be the same. *Grins at the absurdity of using cliches to describe such a moment.*

AJ at nine months is very busy. He will crawl across the floor in 2 seconds flat, if he sees something he very much wants, like the dog's squeaky toys. If I'm sitting with him, he'll crawl right over my leg -- just another bump in the floor. The best part about crawling is that he'll crawl up into my lap when he wants to be held. Cue the music, and watch Mommy turn into a lovey-dovey hugging machine. As fast as crawling caught on, AJ has also decided he'd like to stand up, if you please, so items that are about 2 feet high catch his attention lately. I could watch him all day, as he wrestles his little feet into position and then uses alllllll his strength to push and pull and wobble and balance and.... stand! (He did it!) He still needs someone to hold him up, but I don't think we're going to wait very long before he starts to cruise around the house using every piece of furniture for stability. Gulp.

Now, for posterity: his favorite toys are (Napoleon's) Squeaker and Wiggly Giggly ball, as well as his own little blue "planes, trains and automobiles" puzzle. Whatever toy he's playing with, the first thing he wants to do is turn it over onto its side or its back. He loves his "Bathtime Touch and Feel" book, especially the page with the squeaky purple turtle, and when he's finished reading all the books on his nightstand, the best part is knocking them all down to the floor, one by one. (Somewhat like our cat, Sasha, used to do with candies on Christmas.) He's eating all kinds of baby foods, and 1 or 2 table foods when I catch him in the right mood (toast, diced pears, macaroni). The last few nights, he has actually wanted to get into his crib before he falls asleep, rather than letting Mommy rock him to sleep with a lullaby. (Ouch! My heart!). He'll curl up with his blanket and chew on the end of it, watching his fishies in the Fisher Price Aquarium that hangs inside the crib.

The Mommy and Daddy, 9 months later, are finding our way in the dark. Just when we get it figured out, something new crops up to test us. Save for a little fatigue, a little later dinner hour, and a much less-vacuumed house, I think we're faring quite well. God's blessed us beyond measure and we love our new life, our little one.

all my boys are sick

Man, we can't go one fortnight (I guess that's about right -- 2.5 weeks or so?) without having sickness around here! Someone has put a pox on my house. Not cool!! DH has been suffering with fever every day for 4 days. What's up with that? He is very aware of when it comes, with its aches and chills, and when it goes, usually after taking Advil, and he sweats it out. Bizarre. Why won't it quit? Why every day?

And AJ is having a bit of the poopy pants again. We started the Pedialyte regimen right away so let's hope that kicks it. In general, he's happy. So at least there's that.

I'm feeling just fine, myself. Except I'm hungry. Off to find something to munch on.

. . . and speaking of joy. . .

We are picking up my new furniture today! I have carpet samples in my possession, all we need to do is pick one and schedule the Lowe's installation. Then, I can start decorating around the new stuff. Yoo-hoo! -- Garden Ridge, Cost Plus World Market, Pier One, and Target....? Get ready 'cause here I come!

five things I'm grateful for:
1. giggles
2. Einstein Brothers' bagels (yum)
3. tax refunds
4. my husband's kindness and gentleness (as opposed to Ron last night on Amazing Race! I so wanted to like him...but snippy remarks under your breath are a big ol' strike against, in my book)
5. beautiful spring in Georgia

joy

Yesterday I picked AJ up from daycare and had a pleasant conversation with the afternoon teacher, who said he'd had a really great day. Apparently, he'd been playing with another little boy on the floor, crawling around and talking to him, and just generally in a good mood. It was so nice to hear -- I worry, often, that he's the kid they all talk about at home after a long day of crying and clingy-ness. Only because he's at that age when separation anxiety becomes an issue. And I don't mean, just separation from me, but separation from any adult. They tell me at daycare that he does prefer having the "body heat" of people sitting with him, even when he's playing. Not sure if that means he's spoiled, or just very social. (Anyone?) But back to the story, his good mood was confirmed when I put him in his carseat -- typically seen by him as one of Mommy's torture devices, so that he throws his head back, straightens his legs, and refuses to sit down. Yesterday, though, he plopped right into place and immediately looked at me and smiled as I buckled him in and "washed" his hands with antibacterial gel. (Yes, I do this every day when I pick him up from daycare!) We stayed there in the parking lot an extra five minutes, at least, because he was giggling with every move I made. I don't know what was so funny to start out with, but when I realized he wanted to play, of course I couldn't resist tickling him.

His favorite games are "I'm... gonna... get... you!" (where my fingers tiptoe up his leg and tickle him at the neck), "Peek-a-boo," and "Pat-a-Cake." I love that when I say, "AJ, wanna play patty cake?" he lights up. He knows words!! Other than Mama and Dada! (He's a genius.) And, unless I'm making this up, he gets his hands ready when I say that, too. So cute. Oh! Another nice recent development is that he's finally formed a tighter bond with his Daddy. They have their little games, too, and he giggles like crazy when Daddy flips him upside down and gnaws on his tummy with a growl. "Arrr-rrr-rrra-arrr-rrrrrrrr!"

I can't wait for my parents to get here this weekend. They are going to be amazed at all his new tricks. It just goes so damn fast. I'm telling you, this year of his life is flying by. Pretty soon he'll have cake all over his face and "1"-shaped candle to make a wish on!

**slaps head**

Should I not have posted that comment on that person's blog? Oh, yiyiyi, am I going to be tasting foot in my mouth the rest of the day? I don't think I said anything inflammatory, and I enjoy reading the person I think I said it to.... but oh, I do hate confrontation, and WOW, do people on the Internet get nasty! I have been reading waaaaaaay too many Comments strings today. I'm not going to link to anything or bring any of the discussions here -- although I do think that there are valid conversations and debates going on out there in the blogosphere, and there's nothing wrong with honest debate -- but this is a Note to Self: Don't comment on blogs / issues if you don't want to invite confrontation. You hate confrontation, remember? You are not good at debate, so Stay Out Of It. **slaps head again, for good measure**

Il Papa

I wouldn't feel right if I didn't say something about the Pope's death. Here's a clip from a conversation I had with my non-Catholic friend. I want to remember the conversation, because it was so sweet of her to start it.

Her: Meant to tell you this earlier, but I'm very sorry about the passing of the Pope. How was church yesterday?

Me: You are so sweet. Church yesterday was good. It's so interesting that he passed during Easter. Lots of talk about "the strife is o'er, the battle won" and resurrection and new life and through suffering to eternal joy, and all that. :) They draped the front of the church with black cloth, and the Vatican flag with black ribbon, and had a picture of him in the narthex with a candle and flower arrangement, but overall it wasn't a sad service. We did sing one hymn called "Be Not Afraid," which was fitting due to the overall sadness and feeling of loss (lost sheep without a shepherd), but also because it was the first words he spoke when he became Pope in '78. Very moving.

Me: I didn't say that right -- there were black ribbons hanging on the portico outside the church. The whole front wasn't draped in black. I think they wanted people to focus on the Easter season and the joy part.

Her: I was amazed/fascinated by all the ritual and tradition surrounding this weekend. I was not familiar with his background. Events during his childhood really seemed to shape his worldviews later on. He will be missed, by many, and not just his Catholic family. . . even when people might not have agreed 100% with him on every issue, it seems like everyone loved/respected him a great deal.

Me: I have thought al the media attention was nice, too. Cool to see them talking about God and eternal life on tv w/out it being inflammatory! :) I love that non Catholics embraced him, too, as kind of grandfather figure. At least that's how I see him. :)
Me: and the ritual part (and learning what happens next, with the election of a new pope) is all new to me, too! very neat! History being made right there on CNN. hee.

Her: :-) the black/white smoke fact was really interesting. I think it's so cool that there are all these traditions set in place and there's no scrambling or "what do we do now?" scenes. I was actually on the Vatican website today just to check it out. It must be amazing to see it in person!
Her: I watched a repeat of a Charles Kuralt interview from the early 80s w/ the Pope: he was trying to impress the Pope, and instead the Pope impressed him! :-) Eight languages! Wow!

Me: Great idea to visit the website! I will have to do that, too! My mom said that she heard him in an interview once in his later life, and he was asked "don't you sometimes wish you could just retire?" he said, "Well, suffering is a part of life. Jesus didn't come down off the cross." Love that.

Her: definitely true, but hard to remember sometimes when you're in the middle of hard times... :-) It seemed to me, that he approached everything he did with dignity and prayerfulness, even his death. Definitely a tremendous legacy, and example, to leave the world.

Me: you said that so well. You're right. I was thinking (and then I'll let you go, I'm sure you have plenty to do) that it's got to be really HARD to be Pope -- with the photographers always following you and he probably never really gets to be alone, or do a lot of fun, frivolous things, you know? And of course he has the proverbial "weight of the world" with so many people wanting and needing his blessings, his prayers! But he always appeared happy and at peace, and yes, dignified. 26 years' worth of that life. Amazing.

playin' in the dirt

My child is such a little BOY! This past weekend was beautiful -- well, at least Sunday was -- so we tried to get some work done in the yard. I slathered AJ in Water Babies SPF 45 and he sat on a blanket while I dug in the dirt. He dug in the dirt, too, as a matter of fact. I love watching him. He gets all excited to feel the grass in his hands, and he slaps at it and giggles, pulling at it with his little round fists. By the end of the half-hour, of course, there's dirt under his nails and on his feet, and grass all over his clothes. I'm surprised to say he doesn't try to eat the grass, or even the pebbles that are part of the mini "rock garden." He just likes to rake them toward himself and feel their cool, round shapes, I guess.

I am excited that we bought some plants that we've been meaning to buy for ages. Some new azaleas to replace the ugly elephant ear that is currently in the middle of a whole row of azaleas (why would the previous owners have done that?); red Gerber daisies (gorgeous!) and Dusty Miller for around our mailbox, which seems to be the neighborhood "showplace" -- everyone's mailbox has an assortment of pretty colorful flowers; and some pink speckled caldium bulbs for the backyard. I adore caldiums; learned yesterday they bloom in late summer. And hostas -- I might have to buy some more hostas. We didn't get anything planted yesterday, but spread some new pinestraw and cleaned out a few beds. Maybe this week, since daylight savings time has arrived, there will be some good sunlight in the evenings and we can do it. Does anyone know if moss is a problem when mixed in with dirt/soil? I need to look that up. One of the flower beds in our backyard is very shady and moist and had a ton of moss growing over the dirt. I broke it all up and mixed it in. I know so little about gardening, I just make stuff up as I go along.

Being outside makes everything better. It's not like we had the most fabulous weekend ever. DH was not feeling well, we didn't go out and DO anything fun besides errands, we didn't really even spend much quality time together yesterday. DH did his thing in the front yard, I did mine in the back. But since we spent the day under the sky, and not cooped up in the house, I just felt my spirits lifted. It felt like spring, it felt like the accomplishment of some small goals, and it felt like the whole world was smiling.

Ooooh, I am hoppin' mad!

[Warning: Day Care vent ahead. Please understand I like the day care teachers just fine and I think they take good care of my son. But sometimes, rrrrrrr!]

It is pouring rain this morning. Our day care has a convenient circle drive and "underpass" by the front door, with a nifty little wooden sign that says "Kiss & Go -- No Parking! :)" The smiley face is part of the sign. Awww, how cute, "Kiss and Go." But no one ever does. Any given morning, there is at least one car parked under there while Mommy or Daddy drops off their little treasure. Fine, doesn't bother me. I mean, people are technically breaking the rules but it's none of my business.

What DOES bother me, however, is on the ONE day when I park there -- and I do mean, the ONE day; it can be 20 degrees out and I'll still park out in the lot and walk AJ all the way to the door, even if he's wearing short sleeves, just so some other parent "who needs to" can park under the portico -- so, today, when it's pouring rain and I just can't seem to find my umbrella no matter how deep under the seat I look, I park there. It usually takes me maybe 6 minutes to put AJ on the floor, set him up with some toys, fill out his daily sheet, help put his bottles away, and sign in at the front desk. (Mind you, I didn't even get to kiss him goodbye in that 6 minutes.) Today, I'm doing my thing in his classroom and MISS TRUDY (I'm using her real name 'cause I don't care!) yells in, "Ms. T__," you're blocking someone in. Aren't you in the red vehicle?" RRRRRRRAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHGGHRRR!!! Pardon ME for not wanting my INFANT SON to get drenched in the fr*@&@#ng rain, lady! And it's MISSUS T__, thank you very much. And I've never heard you make any other parent move from that spot -- perhaps you should take down your stupid incorrect smiley-face sign, hmmm?? (She owns the place.)

She gets a big kick out of being the "principal." I've seen her in her office with the door closed, reprimanding the older kids if they're bad. (And that's fine, don't get me wrong. I'm all for punishing kids who misbehave.) But does it make her feel important to call me out and ask me, "Are you sure Alex is well enough to bring in today? Because he was pulling at his ear on Tuesday..." (Repeat my argument about ear infection suspicion here.) YES, I AM SURE, WOMAN, DON'T HASSLE ME. And besides that, I pay you One-Hundred-Fifty-Two of my dollars each week to take care of my child -- ergo, I am the customer and should be treated with a modicum of respect! How 'bout? All together now, "Rrrrrrrr!"

I do not like her one bit. (I do not like her in a snit, I do not like her with a grit.)