Observations and friends

(But first: JC Penney is having an online sale, dudes. Go check it out if you're in the market for toddler tees or jammies. I found items for $4.99 and that is not normal in this universe. I don't get the people who purchase clothes at adorable Hanna Anderson, paying twenty whole dollars for a kid's t-shirt. Insane.)

AJ got hit in the face last night. By another kid. We went over to our friends' house for a very casual Sunday afternoon and dinner, which was so nice -- getting home at 7pm and having no dishes to do, nothing to put away... bliss. :) They're our first official "church-friends," by the way. I mean, friends from church that we've socialized with OUTSIDE of church. I've always wanted church friends! I met the wife through choir, and she's super, super nice. Almost to the point of being TOO nice. But not quite. Anyway, we'd been there since 4:00pm and it was inevitable that the kids would get tired... so her 23-month-old decided it was time to smack AJ in the face a little bit. Of course there were apologies and protestations from his parents, since we were all sitting right there watching. And we all knew the kid didn't consciously try to harm AJ... but you should have seen AJ's look! He turned to me and, right before he started crying, his eyes were wide like, "OMG, Mama, did you see that???" It was rather cute. He got over it quickly.

It's funny to be with another family who totally does things differently than us. I don't mean to get judgey, BUT... they figured Matthew wasn't going to sit still during dinner with the rest of us, so he was put in the living room with Bob the Builder (video) while we all ate. ?! Nope, that doesn't fly at our house. You have to at least ATTEMPT to sit nicely with everyone and eat. If it doesn't work out, hey, whatever. Run off and play. But then you don't get your dinner. Sorry, way it goes. Number two, they said M's not quite eating table foods yet, anyway, and by that I mean... wait, what? He's nearly two, what is he eating, rice cereal? They might have meant, "He's not feeding himself with utensils at the table," because his Mom proceeded to say, "Well, he eats Cheerios, but dry, with his fingers, you know." I was confused. So, whatever. It takes all kinds, my Granny used to say. It just kinda made me feel good about what we're doing. I like our rules, and they seem to be working. AJ sat very nicely in M's high chair and fed himself rice and chicken enchilada. And he didn't interrupt or cause a ruckus, and when he was finished, he got down to go watch Bob, too. And mind you, I wholeheartedly believe, WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOUR FAMILY. You co-sleep? Fine. I don't. You cook 2 meals, one for you, one for the kid? (Whispers: I do too, occasionally. But don't tell anyone.) Fine. That works for you. I just find it interesting to see what other people do. And I think I needed the reassurance that we're doing it right, for us. I prefer my way to theirs. Of course I'm sure the day will come when she comes to my house and observes, and doesn't agree with it. I'm okay with that. :)

Also really interesting to observe two completely different little personalities emerging. AJ is quite content to explore the contents of M's playroom on his own, testing things out, going from one toy to the next. Matthew, on the other hand, was pretty darn excited to have people over, and he made it known by squealing, babbling, running around, demanding attention. He's a very energetic kid. I've never seen AJ do that, at our house or anyone else's. When he's over-excited -- and he does get that way, believe me -- but he goes inward, I think, instead of outward. Meaning, he cries or gets emotional. Which is somewhat outward... but not so, um, "wild" is the word that comes to mind. Not in a negative way, but you know what I mean?

It's fun to imagine the two boys maybe growing up together, since we're both wanting to send them to St. Joe's, the parish school. Wonder if they'll be friends?

She's a funny lady

Ooh, I found a contest I MUST enter. She's funny that way day is evidently approaching -- who knew? -- and so we are supposed to nominate our favorite funny ladies' blogs by tomorrow night. Woot! I have a nominee.

You'll never guess her name: Jennifer. Hahahahaha. Of course you guessed that. The poor kajillion Jennifers of this world. But don't feel sorry for her! She's got it good! To wit:

• Her very own pool-boy boyfriend;
• Her home in awesome Seattle, complete with gay neighbors;
• A pretty cool tween? teen? son, even though she calls him Turd-face, or Turd-head, or something eighth grade like that... she actually makes me fear that age a little less, if you get to act all silly with them like she does;
• The fun-est packs-a-punch blog title this side of Hawaii, which is simply, and elegantly, Piehole.

How Jennifer manages to create full laugh-out-loud, wet-the-screen-with-Starbuck's stories within the space of, sometimes, 4 lines of type, is beyond amazing to me, and more than JUST her use of the word "A-$-$." My blog? Has looong-winded entries and is not that funny. Also, her design is precious.

I nominate thee, Jennifer Piehole!

Taming the Food Lion

A bit of an interesting discussion is happening between me (so far) and my buddy Krissypoopyhands about weight loss and healthy food choices and getting into that mentality. For the last four or five days, I've been saying to myself, over and over, "I need to be putting healthy things into my body." And sometimes it moves me to actually do that; like now, when I'm having a whole wheat mini-bagel, light cream cheese (1 tbsp, not two or three like I'd prefer), and a few slices of tomato. I get all proud of myself for not having a Pop Tart. And then in the next breath I pour my second cup of full-strength coffee. I use Splenda and fat-free cream, so it can't be all bad, fat and calorie-wise. But still? Caffeine doesn't really fit into the "healthy things" realm, and I know this. So I'm caught in a balancing act between what I want (the coffee, yum) and what I know I should not have. I've gotten very slack about it lately. As in, last night when I came home from choir? Chips and cheese dip. Yeah.

My tactic is usually to count calories, and the way I ration them out is backwards from what most of the "experts" suggest -- I eat smaller, healthier breakfasts and lunches (when I'm being good and eating breakfasts), which are generally by myself so no one else has to suffer through the whole wheat or the bland veggies. I save my "points" or calories for dinnertime with my family, when I just make a regular casserole or whatever, which might have cheese or (gasp!) actual pasta. That's a Weight Watchers behavior, I guess, since they say you can eat what you want, when you want, as long as you're within your points. I can deal with that. It means if I want to have a buffalo wing with bleu cheese, all I have to do is save up. (A friend of mine, just after we got out of college, did that once. We were all gathered for beers, wings, and team trivia, and she was sooo excited about her ONE little measly wing that she had saved up for. I was proud of her and I've never forgotten it.)

Anyway, I need to do better with what I put in, as well as, you've heard me say this before, my output of energy. Yesterday I walked to lunch with 2 coworkers, and had a salad. Albeit a creamy-dressing-tortilla-strips-topping one. But still, I WANTED a regular Chicken sammy and waffle fries, so I count that as a victory. Yay, me! Here are my Standard Operating Procedures when I'm au regime; maybe some of these will be useful to you, if you're also on this body-image, weight-loss roller coaster that seems to be womanhood, for most of us:

• Log foods eaten and exercise done at Fitday.com. This is easy for me, since I'm at a computer most days already.
• Visit the WebMD Dieting Club for camraderie and accountability. I've been on that board since 2003 and have made a couple of really good online frieinds, one of whom I met in person (hi, Stacie!) last year. If you're into online communities, this is a great one.
• Workout. Three times a week is the goal; anything more is a bonus. (At least, 3x a week is the goal when I start out. And I'm usually... always... "starting out." Heh.)
• Swear off regular Coke. So hard!! Sometimes I allow *one,* if I have plenty of cals leftover. But Coke is really a big problem for me. Diet Coke? Meh. It's like room temperature water to me. No flavor, no refreshment. I suffer through it.
• Still pay attention, but take a break from the numbers on weekends. Partly because I don't really get online on the weekends, but also because ya gotta relax, once in a while.

That's it. Those are my strategies. They're very basic. But I believe it's a lifelong journey -- it's not a three-week marathon -- so I don't want too many rules. Of course, I'm lucky, I don't have any other food issues, like allergies or intestinal conditions. At my (non-pregnant) heaviest several years ago, I was 148 lbs, 5'1". Which is not pretty. Since 2003, I've come down to much closer to my "ideal" weight of about 130. I'm at 134 right now. What I need is to Tone the F Up. (With that exact adverb.) So today, Pilates/Yoga and a cardio workout.

Countdown to Beach Week: 12 weeks. Long enough for a visible difference, if I do this right.

P.S. It's interesting to me that for the first time, really, I'm determined but not desperate. I feel pretty calm about getting back "on the wagon." Wonder why that is?

What are you lookin' at?

I'm not sure if I ever told you, but I had a New Year's Resolution, supplied by my husband. He suggested that I try to stop seeing everything he does and says as negative. Exhibit A:

Him: Hm, I guess we need to hold the cord of the vacuum up, so it doesn't keep getting frayed by the brushes.

Me: Honey, you've said that before and I DO lift it up. Sorry, gees. Grrr.

Him: I didn't mean YOU! I'm the one who vacuumed last.


Exhibit B:

Him: (watching me as I tie a scarf around my waist)

Me: WHAT. Does this look stupid or something?

Him: Honey, I was just watching you do that. I didn't know you knew how to tie that knot. Relax.


Exhibit C:

Me: I'm sorry this dinner isn't very creative; I know you don't like Kraft Mac-n-Cheese but I just couldn't come up with....

Him: Why do you always assume I'm criticizing you in my head? This dinner is JUST FINE. I know you're busy. You do a great job.


So I really owe him an apology about this. Three months in to 2006 and I'm still doing it. I don't know if it stems from previous relationships I've had, where the guy was always out to tease me -- two different guys I dated did this, in fact -- but I always presume that I'm being made fun of (in the scarf example), or picked on. And the fact is, my dear husband is so kind and treats me so carefully, that he would NEVER be that way. I KNOW this... but still, I let that weird bit of low self-esteem get me every so often. Especially when I'm tired.

And there's your glimpse into the shadows of my psyche for today!

Words speak louder, actually

I'm sitting in my car, in the parking lot of my tax guy's office, waiting for them to open at 8:30 a.m. How cool is it that I found a wireless signal and am using the Internet? Pretty cool. I almost went back into the house, before I left, to get a book, but then I figured, No, there's a library right close by the tax place... maybe there'll be a signal and I can just read my blogs and check email while I wait. Brilliant, no? It's funny, though. Folks keep arriving to their workplaces (it's a strip-mall kind of office building) and peeking sideways at my car, wondering what I'm up to in here.

I left early to avoid traffic, in case you were wondering. After 8 a.m., you might as well just stay home rather than try to drive anywhere south of my house.

So anyway, I have this whole 23 minutes left before they open (when I will play Over-Enthusiastic Customer and knock on their door RIGHT at 8:30; I'm sure they won't roll their eyes behind my back, haha!), so I thought hey! What better time to blog?

We are in a new era at home -- the no more cursing era. DH, bless his heart, is not doing very well with it so far. He came in last night and started telling me about his workday. "It was all going just fine until M. came in, and then as usual, the Shit really hit the fan..." He stopped. Took a breath. "I mean, the Shoot hit the fan." Heh. It IS time for us to curb our enthusiasm with the curse words -- AJ is a Repeat-A-Word Monkey these days. (If I had said that out loud just now, he would have said, "Mon-ee.") So, Shoot hitting the fan. It doesn't even make sense. But it's funnier! I do applaud DH's valiant effort.

Not five minutes later, however, he said it again when his Blackberry beeped. "Shit," he said, and sighed as the nightly barage of emails from our company's China location began. Luckily AJ was still in the middle of saying "Beep," which he does every time it "rings" (so cute). I think it's going to be quite an effort in our daily language. Not that we're potty mouths, by any means. But you know how it is. The other day I was driving AJ home from daycare and some jerk-wad cut me right off. I was all, "Go right ahead, DUDE." and then I heard from the backseat, my little Echo: "Head, doo!" Hmmm. Better watch that. And some of my favorite words are not such nice ones: stupid (insert noun here)... Damn!... Ah, crap... Those are the main three, really. And when I go banging my kneecap with the fast-moving car door (like I did yesterday, OW), I'm going to have to supress the natural tendancy and say, "Fffffff-ooey" under my breath instead of the alternative. I even started thinking, we ought not to tell the dog, "Move!" quite so often. AJ's going to think it's appropriate to say that to people instead of "Excuse me."

Projects

Seems like every time we DO projects around the house, we come up with a longer list of items that still NEED to be done. Like so:

--We planted the rest of the spring plants yesterday, and DH laid some stepping stones along the backyard pathway. Check. Meanwhile, we discovered that the yard is sinking around a big tree root that's close to the surface. Basically a Danger Pit in our child's playground. We've known we wanted to get some fill dirt, but now I think we NEED to, asap before one of us breaks a neck.

--We turned over a large rock while cleaning out one of the flower beds (Check), and discovered what look like (OMG) baby termites. Gah. I will be dialing Terminix in a few short minutes.

--When we replaced the siding on the front of the house (Big Check), we had to remove the window boxes under our garage windows. I'd like to place them on the back deck, and obviously plant something in them, but it'd be better if we built a little stand for them. And while we're buildling, how about a bench to sit on, as well? So there's that.

Houses. They're so much trouble.

In other project news, we need to figure out an anniversary celebration worthy of our five years. (Infinitely more fun than yard projects!) I was thinking we'd just go downtown, have dinner at an expensive restaurant and stay the night in a swanky hotel. Cheap, close-by, easy. We even have a coupon for the restaurant. But Husband suggested, actually, that we find a B&B somewhere and do a whole weekend getaway. I was surprised! :) I have a couple of places in mind, but we'd better get on it, as our anniversary is 31 days from now!

A collection of random

Someone... I'm not saying who... woke up on the Wrong side of the crib this morning! He usually sits there waiting for one of us to come get him. Well, today he was standing; he might as well have been tapping his foot and had his arms crossed. When I got there, he TURNED HIS BACK TO ME and stared at the wall for a good 2 minutes! Hmph! Little does he know I grinned about it from behind him. Thinks he can out-pout Mama! Foolish little boy. It went downhill from there, especially when he realized he had to go to daycare today and it wasn't Saturday. On that, I felt for him. I wanted it to be Saturday, too.

Our Awesome TV life: Last night's Atlanta Thrashers game (which we won in overtime to hold our #8 spot in the playoffs)! The Office. Blow Out. And we still have Scrubs and Amazing Race taped from Tuesday! Tonight's another fun-filled date on the couch, Woo hoo!

DH isn't so keen on my birdwatching plan. He said, "Seeds bring rodents, and rodents bring snakes." So he suggested we put the feeder WAY out in the middle of the yard WHERE I CAN'T SEE THE BIRDS. Hmph. We'll have to see about that.

Shout-out to Sis and her Hubby, who're on the last day of their honeymoon in St. Kitts today! Woo hoo for lovin' and umbrella drinks! I hope you got a safe tan and did little else besides eat and rub lotion on! (They are so smart, being from Minnesota, to have postponed their honeymoon until the dead of winter.)

I have THIRTY ONE earned vacation days that may, or may not, be taken away if I don't use them. Can you say, "Me Time?" I need to get those weekly manicures and hair appointments scheduled, stat!

For the birds

The coolest thing just happened, re: my little chickadee friend! I went back to all about birds and started playing the mp3... and the little guy outside came flying back, and starting calling the same call to see if he could find what bird was talking to him! He heard me through the window! So cute!

Outside my window

Today's my regular work-from-home day. I've got a load of laundry in the washer, a load of dishes in their washer, and my kitchen window open so I can watch all the finches and robins and cardinals play in my yard. I've come to really LOVE the little birdies. In fact, if someone wanted to get me one of these, or maybe these, for my birthday or mother's day or my anniversary (My Personal Present Triumverate, DH calls it) --- ooh! there's a little gray Chickadee now! Look at him, sitting on the little birdhouse wishing there was food inside. The previous owners had hung this itty bitty birdhouse, and it's cute, but it's useless because I can't reach it to put food in there. But oh!! He is a sweetie! Staying a long time. He just hopped around to look in my window... hello Chickadee! Oh... okay, well, goodbye. ---

Those of you who've known me in real life for a long time are likely giggling now because I linked to Birdseed Boy's old stomping grounds. Birdseed Boy being my college boyfriend. Ah, yes, I did spend a week in CT with him, helping to set up his parents' very own WBU franchise. What a miserable endeavor that was. We don't need to rehash details of my past -- and it wasn't miserable because of Connecticut (I loved Connect-I-cut) or because of WBU (they're a great company, I think). Suffice to say we broke up shortly thereafter and that is the end of that. But I still check their "feeder cam" every so often, and having all these birds in my yard makes me think of BB and his family, actually with fondness. Maybe they could send me something for free? Heh.

Anyway, in the span of writing this, I've seen a big, fat male cardinal, a big fat (ugly) robin redbreast (sorry, I just don't like the robins), and that little gray dude. Here, links to learn more, since I'd like to. I've been dreaming about becoming a birdwatcher ever since we moved here. Perhaps a new little hobby is presenting itself to me? The Cornell site is really cool -- it has mp3s for each bird's sound! Tweet, tweet!

http://wbu.com/edu/chickadee.htm
http://www.birds.cornell.edu/programs/AllAboutBirds/BirdGuide/Northern_Cardinal.html
http://www.birds.cornell.edu/programs/AllAboutBirds/BirdGuide/American_Robin.html

I see your "worst mom" award, and I raise you one

We're all so desperate to claim rights to the "Worst Mommy of the Year" title. Stories like the following are my MOST embarrassing -- I shudder to admit they've even happened. But we all do it -- we put 'em on out there, in the hopes that someone will say, "You're NOT terrible or neglectful. We WON'T call Family & Child Services. It happens to everyone."

I've submitted previous runs at the award, once when AJ fell off the bed at THREE MONTHS OLD, while I was holding him (and fell asleep)!!!, and another time, when he took a spill down the stairs So here's my latest entry. I guess I'm due for one.

Yesterday I kept him home with me in an official "sick day" because he woke up with an eye that looked like Rocky Balboa circa 1985. Like he'd been punched by his teddy bear while he slept. He seemed to feel fine all day, by the way, and the doc said it's just a sty. But I knew daycare wouldn't take him without a note, looking like he looked.

So. This was my first day trying to work from home *mit AJ* in a while. I needed to check email real quick, so I snuck into the laundry room, just one room away, and pulled the door closed while he feasted on Baby Einstein's latest serving of weirdness and puppetry. A few eensy minutes later, I heard Napleon bark at something outside, and then heard AJ -- from far away in another room -- start crying, and saying "Mama? Mama?" I raced out of there -- how long was I hidden? -- and found him at the top of the stairs! Polie had just startled him; he was asking for "mama, mama," repeatedly, as if he'd been doing it for a while. He had gone LOOKING FOR ME. He'd obviously been in all 3 bedrooms upstairs, because I saw the Baby Van Gogh video case, which he holds when he watches the video, lying on the floor outside my bedroom. Which means he'd carried it up the stairs. Now, he's GOOD, but still a bit wobbly on the stairs, especially when he's carrying something. :( :( :( So many sad faces! My little boy thought I'd left him all alone, and he was scared to pieces.

And then he climbed all the way up the stairs unsupervised. (He's so advanced and courageous!) But! Mustn't do that. Stairs + alone = a no-no.

See, I used to put the GATE UP, when I did this gig regularly. But even if I'd done that, the fact that he was so scared makes me feel obligated to resign my Mommy card and be declared "unfit." That's the kind of guilt these experiences induce. Instead, I guess I will just THANK MY LUCKY STARS and my guardian angels, and his, that they were watching over him.

It was a nice weekend

At 6:15 am, I went in to wake up AJ. He scooted around in his blankets for a minute, pushed up his little head, blinked his eyes, and said, plain as day, "'Morning, Mama."

"'Morning!" With the final "g!" It sounded so grown up. I just can't believe how big he's getting.

He slept well because of all the excitement from last night -- we went out for dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant, and the mariachi band was there! They are the best, mariachi bands. Nothing can sound so lively and comedic, while also sounding romantic. :) They played "Old MacDonald" at my request, and AJ and all the other kids loved it. Well, let me rephrase that, the older kids and the adults loved it. AJ made a beeline for Daddy's lap, and stared in wonderment and a little bit of fear at how LOUD the band was, and I can't say I blame him. They were LOUD. The trumpter made a "horse," a "rooster," and a "cow" with his horn. Pretty impressive! I love the cute way they sing the 2nd and 3rd verses: "Old MacDonald had another farm..." After they finished, everyone cheered and I handed them my two dollars. And when that died down, AJ clapped and gave a solo "Yaaaayy!" with a big, big smile. And then everyone in the whole restaurant clapped for AJ! :) Because he was so PRECIOUS! I don't know that I've ever been happier. I imagine it's a taste of the feeling you get when your kid wins first place, or graduates high school. It felt a little like "bursting." :)

Before that, we'd taken him to Toys R Us. One of the hardest things about being a parent, I think, is RESISTING the urge to buy them every single item that will make them happy. I got in there, and man! did I want to purchase a lot of things. There was a cool spiral-y car-racing track, and a Little People Airplane, and a trike, and my eyes got really wide at the thought of all those fun! things! But my husband is the good and sensible one. He said, "I'm sure the day is not far when AJ will be ASKING us for toys upon toys. Now? While he's content? Let's just leave it at that." And he's so right. So we got him a soccer ball, and this cool Thomas book, and a box of sidewalk chalk, and he was pretty thrilled with those small things. I made mental notes for his Easter basket.*

Saturday, we bought the forsythia I wanted, as well as some gorgeous red pansies. AJ "helped" me plant them. His job was putting "mo duht" (more dirt) into the pots. Mo duht? Mo duht? Mo duht? It never gets old. :) We put one little pansy in a pot by itself and that is AJ's flower. Of course, now the cold front is going to come through and I don't know whether to bring the pansies into the garage or let them tough it out. I heard they're pretty tough.... but I'd hate to lose them. I was also dumb to not take the camera with me while we planted them. He was a little mud-pie!

*P.S. I just re-read, and am thinking how funny I am, saying "we are virtuous and didn't buy him anything," and then listing out the 3 things we DID buy him. LOL. I am funny. And actually we bought him 4 things, but I conscientiously didn't list the fourth, the Bear in the Big Blue House Potty Stories DVD. But but but... they were inexpensive things, so they count for less on the accumulation scale. No, really.

Recipe review, and other notions

The Chicken recipe was delicious. Tender and juicy. Creamy and rich. I give it an A+, although I have to admit, after all that, I didn't have Golden Mushroom soup so I had to substitute Cream of Chicken + 1/3 cup water. Husband liked it, even AJ liked it, and that's saying something. We've got 2 lunch portions in the fridge and a whole 'nother meal in the freezer. Hello, efficient!

I was SO productive yesterday it kills me. Work was very quiet, so I:

• checked email as often as I could
• washed, dried, and folded 3 loads of laundry
• did the crock-pot dinner thing
• saved 2 dying bananas by making the best banana bread I've ever made
• paid bills through March 28
• made ump-teen calls to credit card companies and my bank, looking for 3 checks that seem to have gotten lost in the mail (eek)
• and went to Walgreen's for lotion and soap and Sudafed and an Rx.

I spent the whole day feeling SO grateful for the work-at-home gig. So. Grateful. For my life in general, really. It was the complete opposite of how I often feel, which is wishing for more, wanting a "better" situation. But I've really got it very good. Of course, when DH got home he said, "If you'd taken out all the trash, as well, then I'd be impressed..." but he was only kidding, and it was mildly funny.

I want to do Sheryl's "this day in the life" exercise regularly, but I especially want to do it on days like yesterday where I'm proud of what I accomplished! :)

- - -


Forsythia is on sale this weekend at Home Depot Landscaping for 12 bucks. I want one. It's Atlanta's herald of springtime. It, and the cherry trees and bradford pears. But that yellow... I love it. Everything's starting to bloom around here and the days are getting much longer. Hooray! I love spring!

- - -

I had said I wasn't going to talk about my uncle because it was too sacred a time, but in all honesty? ...it's still too raw. I'm still hurting about the whole tragic thing. And I don't feel that I even have the right to be hurting -- his daughters and his wife, and my dad (his brother), are grappling with much more difficult grief than I, who saw him only sporadically in the summers. But.... I don't know, I guess since my memories of him go back to forever -- when we were young, we all lived in the same town -- that's a lot of him to be missing, now that he's gone. So much of my daily life, even, is somehow relative to him. Yesterday I got out a small yellow plate to put in the microwave and soften some butter on. I got that plate when I was single and moving into my first apartment. Unearthed it from a box of my mother's old things. She had received it in the '70s as a gift from Brenda, my uncle's first wife. So it actually made me think of him. I wear a ring from Aunt Brenda's jewelry shop -- wear it every day. So it makes me think of him, too. We live near a private airfield, so any propellor airplane goes by? Think of him. And then I turn on the radio and Brad Paisley sings "When I get where I'm going," which they played twice at the funeral, which makes me cry more than a little bit, again. I ache to think that happy, friendly Uncle B isn't in the world anymore. That I'll never hear him say my name again (he did it with such charm, and such a big smile). That his little baby granddaughters won't get to be tossed in the air by those farm-toughened, loving hands. That no one's around who can fly his antique planes anymore. Bah. It's too much to think about it. I don't want to, and yet, I do. I keep doing. I heard on the news this morning that 4 fishermen in North Carolina were dead as their boat capsized in the Atlantic yesterday, and I thought about those families who are now feeling those same, unexpected feelings of emptiness and loss that my family felt last week.

- - -

Last night I had all kinds of things I wanted to include in this post, but this morning I can't remember them. Guess I'll go.

This is a form of CPR

Y'all.

Blogging for Books is not feeling so pretty good. She is listless, and losing strength. My job is to help revive her by making sure (all 6 of) my readers know that the contest is LIVE. We don't want B4B to disappear!

It's an essay contest. It's fun. You don't even have to be a blogger to enter. And real-live authors, of BOOKS, are the contest judges. It's exposure! It's community! It's competition! It's... a topic I'm not that interested in, this month. But YOU might be (larry. paige.)...AHEM!

So if you want to win a free book and have lots of people saying how nice your essay about the MILITARY is, Go! Write!

blip ..... blip ..... blip ..... we're about to need a CBC and a Chem-seven over here. (ER taught me that)....

I FOUND IT!!

Angel Chicken

You would not believe how I've obsessed about finding this recipe. Imagine three days of me furiously turning the same pages of the same magazines and cookbooks, thinking, I KNOW I saw that damn recipe! I remember reading it and saying OUT LOUD, "I'm going to have to try that one." I've been Lady MacBeth, rubbing and rubbing to exhaustion and no avail. It just ticked me off that I could remember the ingredients, even the cooking time (4 hours on low), but not the exact amounts. I am usually very bad at remembering things. To be *that close* but not quite have it was driving me mmmmmmmmmmad.

Well, thank Jesus for already-clicked-links and thank Firefox for saving recently visited addresses. This morning I started typing in w-w-w-.-b-a-b-y-c-e-n-t....(to look up pinkeye symptoms, uh-oh) and before I could finish -e-r-.-c-o-m, I saw the word "Mealtime Secrets" in my location bar, and then.... the light dawned, angels sang and the heavens opened and I followed the path of clicked links to

ANGEL CHICKEN

In the words of Clark Griswold, "Hallelujah!! Holy Shit!! Where's the Tylenol?"

It better be dee-freaking-licious, is all I have to say.

Which one of you stole my recipe?

I am combing my cookbooks in vain. Last week I read a recipe that sounded delicious and easy. It was for the crock-pot, and with chicken. Two of my favorite recipe details. I went so far as to buy ingredients for it last time I made a quick trip to Publix.

I did not bookmark the recipe in any way, shape, or fashion.

And now I cannot find it!!

After this week of travel, all I wanted to do today was thaw out some chicken breasts, put the stuff on top, and set it to simmer all day on Low. Voila, dinner. But I can't find that stinking recipe! I've searched the Ingredient-o-lator on allrecipes.com, my slow-cooker cookbook, the 3 new Southern Livings I got last week (3 months in one week? weird subscription error)... everywhere I can think of. It has disappeared.

The ingredients as I remember them were:
6 chicken breasts
cream of chicken soup
onion soup mix
onion & chive cream cheese (4 oz?)
rice (Uncle Ben's? white long grain? I know not)
seems like there was something else...

If anyone can complete the puzzle for me, I will invite you over to eat the fabulous concoction with us. :)

When I get where I'm going...

We spent the last 4 days in, and on our way to and from, Oklahoma, to bid goodbye to my uncle who passed away very unexpectedly in an accident. I'm not going to talk about it because I think that feelings about the death of a loved one are precious, and several of my loved ones read this blog. I want to preserve their emotions and memories, as well as my own, and keep them sacred. At least for right now. We shared our grief together, as well as the happiness that comes when families are gathered -- even for a sad occassion -- and it's time to continue our lives now, knowing we've grieved well and celebrated his full, rich, exceptional life.

The trip, itself, was an interesting adventure. :) My DH likes to take long road trips. He and his best friend drove from Georgia to Denver in 1998, a couple of years before they each met their respective future wives, and they still talk about those long nights running on nothing but Spree and Mountain Dew, with the fondest of memories. They drove across the huge, open prairies and vast nothingness that seems to be the center of our country, at least from the Interstate Highway view. We did a lot of that this week. ...Of course it's a whole lot different with a toddler in the backseat. AJ was very good for the most part, and got his brain sufficiently fried with the 6 DVDs that he owns, times 60 apiece. Needless to say we are now on a TV-free week at our house. The DVD-in-the-car debate has already been done. I used to think, disdainfully, "Well, when we walked uphill both ways to school were little, WE read books and played Twenty Questions on road trips; kids don't need TVs in the car, they're just spoiled rotten." Now I just wonder how anyone gets along without one in this carseat era, for car trips, mind you, not for an afternoon of errands.

So, fifteen hours out there and two day-trips of 7 hours apiece on the way home. Whew. My poor car is dusty and road-weary. And next time, I think I'll buy an atlas. We managed to go 2,020 miles on jotted-down Mapquest notes. (We got lost once or four times.) We bought a lot of petrol.

We are glad to be home.


P.S. Driving through Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Tennessee, and being with my relatives and friends from Small-Town, Texas definitely got me thinking, a lot, and again, about small-town life. I hope to find time/inclination to research and write more about that.

Updates

In 2 days, AJ will be 20 months old. I simply cannot believe this. That's nearly TWO!! Lordymercy, where does the time go??? I really, really can't believe it. Did I say that already?

He is doing the most marvelous things. He's putting sentences together now. Little ones, like "Read, Mama." or "Barney, nay?" which means, "Barney next?" One of my favorites, and I think his first, was "Move, Mama." He says that all the time to the dog. "Move, Buddy." It's so cute. Also, "Hey, Dada." (never "hi"). "Tank Ooo." and of course, "La-loo." We bought a recording device to use with the iPod and I hope to have snippets to post here soon. I can't tell you how fun I think the tapes of me and Sis are, that my Dad recorded on cassette lo these many years ago. Video is great, and we're doing those too, but only having the audio? Requires you to imagine and remember.

Yesterday for the first time, after seeing his 2-year-old friend Kelsey do it, AJ tried jumping. His feet aren't leaving the ground yet, but I was thrilled that he tried. :) "Jump! Jump!" he said. It was like he was commanding his feet how to do it.

As for other motor skillz, AJ is ON IT. He can now climb onto the couch without aid of his little red stool, and even though he sometimes teeters right on the edge as he gets up to STAND on the couch, making my heart race with the anticipation of a Nestea plunge onto the hardwood, he ususally makes it just fine and then runs from one side to the other, perfectly balanced and FINE even though the surface is lumpy. When we're outside, he's figured out that it's fun to RUN downhill. Again, I wince when he does it and prepare myself for a trip to the ER, but the joy on his face almost makes up for the heart attacks. His immediate request, when he falls, is for me to kiss it (although, no matter what hurts, he offers his LIPS to get kissed), and then he asks for "Ice?" Ahhhh, I love it. I always remind him that I will ALWAYS & FOREVER kiss his booboos.

He's stepping down the stairs now. Step. Step. Step. He recites it as he goes. Sometimes he wants to hold my hand, and sometimes both hands: "Bohf, Hay, Mama." And sometimes he wants to do it all by himself.

He loves to jump and seat-drop and generally participate in what our grandmothers called HORSE-PLAY, on any mattress-like surface he can find. DH throws him like a sack of potatoes into our pile-up of pillows. And AJ loves it. I think boys and their Daddies should wrestle and rough-house like that. It's so fun to watch. I'm hoping that our indulgence of AJ's frequent "Bed?" request won't result in him thinking Beds Are For Jumping On, but.... hey, I jumped on beds 'til I was too big for it (which I determined wasn't until approximately age 14). After I'd been in gymnastics for a couple years, I figured it was good for me to practice the back handsprings I'd learned... on my Sealy Posturpedic trampoline. (Sorry, Mom.) Thankfully, I never broke a bone.

I just read some archive posts from March of last year. I have to say that I'm very thankful we haven't been sick this winter. I told DH last night, after a quick Clorox wipes ad, "We can't get sick. Don't get sick. We have to use Clorox wipes." He looked at me like I was crazy. I can't blame him, we had been talking about oh, I don't know, ice cream before I went on the tangent.

We have a new favorite show -- Jay Jay the Jet Plane. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but I gotta tell you, those planes are creepy looking IMHO. And on the TV-watching, I'm getting frustrated with the constant arguments I have to have when AJ wants it ON and I want it OFF. This is why people get rid of their TVs -- it's much easier to just not have one. But I'm remaining determined -- ONE show per day after school. That is it. No more questions, young man.

That's it on the update. AJ, I love you love you love you. I wish I wrote more eloquent love letters like all the other mommy-bloggers but, meh. Not every month.

Home-caring update: I got a new comforter for my guest room! Yippie! It wasn't expensive, and probably won't last long, but it looks infinitely better than the more-than-10-years-old Laura Ashley duvet cover that Napoleon's been sleeping on these 5 years! Ewww! And I threw out the down comforter, too. It was nastomatic. When Mom and Dad come to visit this weekend, they will have brand-new sheets to sleep between. Also need a lamp and a mirror, then that room will make me happy.

...Except its closet, which houses all my Lenox wedding china in storage bags. I saw them there this morning, so sad and packed-away, and it make me want a china cabinet REAL BAD. I just can't find the right thing in the right price range. Hmph. Might have to do some online shopping here in a minute. (yeah, ahem, working)

Monday's Wash Day! Therefore, Red Beans and Rice for dinner tonight. Yum. Hooray for Cajun heritage!

More frivolity

Why am I so addicted to these things lately??

This is a good one. :) From Arwen's archives.

1. Your name spelled backwards.
Eel. Isn't that lovely.

2. Where were your parents born?
Mom, Dallas TX, Dad, Oklahoma City, OK.

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
A .gif that's work-related -- sample of a masthead/banner for one of my clients.

4. What is your favorite restaurant?
Of all time? It's much too hard to pick! You could take me any time, any day to Taqueria del Sol, or Mick's. Those probably are the top two. But Altanta's full of fantastic restaurants.

5. Last time you swam in a pool?
Gosh, I don't even know! Probably sometime in July or August '05, at our friend J's house.

6. Have you ever been in a school play?
One school play in high school (3 one-acts, actually), something from our Lit. book in the 6th grade (about martians finding a book of Mother Goose poems -- I was a green martian with a paper maiche head!), and probably some Christmas pageants. I did lots of community theater, too!

7. How many kids do you want?
Two. (Don't want to be outnumbered!) Although I'd kinda like to be pregnant more times than that, based on my first experience. I LOVED being pregnant.

8. Type of music you dislike most?
Gangsta rap.

9. Are you registered to vote?
Yes. But I don't like voting. I do it because as an educated, intelligent person -- well, heck, even if I was stupid, just as a citizen -- I feel obligated to.

10. Do you have cable?
Heck, yes. We love basic cable and DVR. We don't have premium channels, though, like HBO or Showtime. Which makes us very virtuous indeed.

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped?
Don't think so.

12. Ever prank call anybody?
Yeah, when we were little. 11 and under, I think.

13. Ever get a parking ticket?
Yes, on Tybee Island once.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
Sky diving if it's a choice. Neither one if that's how the question is posed.

15. Farthest place you ever traveled.
Japan, I already said that the other day. We went to visit larry and family!

16. Do you have a garden?
I can barely keep houseplants alive.

17. Whats your favorite comic strip?
The late, still-mourned "Calvin & Hobbes."

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Yes, of course. Verse 1, I mean. Are there any other verses?

19. Best movie you've seen in the past month?
Movie? What's that?

20. Favorite pizza topping?
Pepperoni & pineapple. Or basil and tomato. Too hard to pick one.

21. Chips or popcorn?
Chips. Chips, chips, chips!

22. What color lipstick do you usually wear?
It's called "mocha freeze."

23. Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
Whahuh?

24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
"IT'S A SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM!" Heh, heh. Junior Miss. When I was in h.s. It was fun, admittedly. Mostly because there was no swimsuit competition.

25. Orange Juice or apple?
I'd have to say orange. That's the Florida in me.

26. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine?
DH and AJ. We went to Applebee's last Sunday night and used a gift card we'd gotten for Xmas.

27. Favorite type chocolate bar?
Whatchamacalit. Or Reeces.

28. When was the last time you voted at the polls?
November 2, 2004.

29. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
No idea.

30. Have you ever won a trophy?
Yes.

31. Are you a good cook?
I'm pretty decent. I make a mess when I cook, which makes me SEEM much better than I am! Last night I made shrimp fra diavolo, for the first time, and it was Awesome. I am very proud of myself.

32. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Who doesn't?

33. Ever order an article from an infomercial?
Good heavens, no.

34. Sprite or 7-up?
Sprite.

35. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
Nope.

36. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy?
DH's meds.

37. Ever throw up in public?
Unfortunately, a couple times, yes. I'd prefer to forget that.

38. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love?
That is a stupid question. Love wins. Love conquers all. Would a little cash be nice? Yeeeeesssss.

39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Mmm, kinda.

40. Ever call a 1-900 number?
No.

41. Can exes be friends?
Some people can. I'm not very good at that. Not because I can't forgive, I just always feel the need to make a clean break and move on.

42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
Myself? I guess before that it was April, when she had Oliver. I didn't get to visit my Dad when he had his heart surgery. :( Guilt, guilt, guilt!

43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby?
Just the usual amount. (why? Are we asking this?)

44. What message is on your answering machine?
"You have reached 7xx-xxx-xxxx. We can't take your call now but leave a message and we'll call you right back."

45. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
The Gap girls. Chris and Adam and David -- it doesn’t get any better than that.

46. What was the name of your first pet?
Missy. (cat)

47. What is in your purse?
A whole bunch of crap. Even though I cleaned it out yesterday! Wallet, lipsticks (2), chapsticks (2), powder, essentials, business cards, photos, keys, phone, a spa gift certificate, palm pilot, gum, a check I need to deposit…

48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime?
Eat ice cream. :)

49. What is one thing you are grateful for today?
Oh, it's too hard to pick one, but I'm grateful for a lunch invite from my friend, A. Yippie!

A Small Study in HCI

That's Human-Computer Interaction, for those of us without engineering degrees

I've discovered an interesting thing. Yahoo! mail, as many email clients, separates obvious spam into a "bulk mail" folder so that I don't have to see the words p*n-s or bo0b!es in my holy personal Inbox. I appreciate that from Yahoo!.

However, I also can't STAND to have unread mail, sitting there in bold type looking at me expectantly. So I often go into the bulk mail folder to clean it out. What I realized this morning is that I have a real aversion to "touching" the yucky pervy (or otherwise spammy) emails, even with the arrow that my mouse controls! Instead, I'd rather hit "Check all" and let the program do the touching, even if there's only ONE message, so I won't have to get germs from the possible virus that the unknown sender is trying to send me. !! Isn't that funny?! And I work on a Mac! We don't even GET viruses!

Where's my Lysol?

A Challenge!

Gerah recently revealed that she likes Play-Doh as much as I do. The smell delights her, despite her being more hormonally prone to smell-induced nausea than usual, these days. It delights me, too. I don't think we ever had Play-Doh at our house (smart woman, my mother), but at play-school, which is what we called it instead of preschool, we had TONS of the stuff. The sweet smell takes me right back to First United Methodist, and the green walls and sunny windows of our little classroom. (I was only 3 or 4 but I actually do remember that place very vividly. Interesting.)

ANYWAY -- Gerah said she makes a pretty mean play-doh elephant, and I want to see it. Because I have become especially adept at making elephants for AJ. When he calls for his playdoh, Little Lord Fauntleroy says "elephant" in the same breath. So I get busy making squatty elephant legs First Thing and I have to tell you, Girl Has Got a Talent.

I do not mean this as any sort of real Contest (being shy and non-confrontational and non-competitive, as I am), BUT! If Gerah is so great at elephants, it is time for an Elephant-Off! Let's see the goods, lady. Tee hee.

Here is mine, complete with tail. I only wish I could get him to hold his head up. Sit up straight, elephant! Don't slouch! This is your big moment:



Ha ha. Just kidding. For reals this time:




What do y'all think??

Edited to add: And if anyone else wants to play, get out your doh! Post a link in comments. Fun!

Lent stuff

Ooh, today's psalm is a good one. At least, for me it is. I think Lent may be just what I need right now. I could use several of these phrases:

Ps 51:3-4, 5-6ab, 12-13, 14 and 17

R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.
Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
Thoroughly wash me from my guilt ...(my guilt over being/working away from home isn't quite what the psalmist means I'm sure, but I'd like to be washed of it)
and of my sin cleanse me.

R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.
For I acknowledge my offense, ...(self-centered-ness, self-focus)
and my sin is before me always:
“Against you only have I sinned,
and done what is evil in your sight.”

R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.
A clean heart create for me, O God,
and a steadfast spirit renew within me. ...yes, please!
Cast me not out from your presence,
and your Holy Spirit take not from me.

R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.
Give me back the joy of your salvation,
and a willing spirit sustain in me.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.

R. Be merciful, O Lord, for we have sinned.


Also, I'm giving up Starbuck's. I KNOW. Ouch. :)

Living inside my head

I'm developing a theory that the reason kids are all screamy during their ones and twos is less because they're trying to become independent, and more because they are IN PAIN. Poor AJ has four molars pushing through, one in each quadrant of his mouth. His tantrums had decreased significantly last week and over the weekend, but all of sudden the last 2 nights Jekyl returned and we've had nothing but fits from dinner (which he also doesn't eat, even when it's chicken which he loves, probably because it hurts)... 'til bedtime. It's exhausting. It's got to be relative to mouth pain. I know that I'm a b-i-t-c-h when I've had mouth surgery or a big trip to the dentist -- it makes my whole head hurt. So I can't imagine it'd be much different for a kid.

Other than that, I'm all self-focused and think-y in my head lately. Nothing coherent that I'm ready to share, but there hasn't been much mental energy left for intelligent blogging, so here's this, to fill up the space. A Classic "Getting To Know Your Friends" email. You'll love it.

1. Legal First name?
Lee

2. Were you named after anyone? Maternal grandmother
and grandfather both had Lee in their names, as does
my mother

3. Do you wish on stars?
Absolutely, on the first one if I see it

4. When did you last cry?
Friday afternoon, no wait, Sunday morning during a
particularly moving hymn

5. What is your favorite lunch meat?
*embarrassed to say this* bologna

6. What is your birth date?
Jun 4

7. What is your most embarrassing CD?
I had a friend go to the trouble of downloading all of
Britney's songs and burning me a CD, back in the early
days of Napster.

8. If you were another person, would YOU be friends
with you? Heh. Good question. I guess I would but I
sure wish I'd call myself more often.

9. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Heh. Guess.

10. What are your nicknames?
Honey, Lee-Bee

11. Would you bungee jump?
No way no how

12. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
sometimes

13. Do you think that you are strong? Not very.

14. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? I say coffee ice
cream every time.

15. Shoe Size?
6 1/2

16. Red or pink?
Red

17. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?
I have crazy guilt issues and I'm lazy about important
things like taxes and home "business" stuff.

18. Who do you miss most? Depends on the day. I miss
family, friends, Granny, AJ (while I'm at work)

19. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it
back? No, but if anyone wants to play, feel free!

20. What color pants/skirt and shoes are you now
wearing?
khaki skirt, black shoes

21. What are you listening to right now?
iPod! Bela Fleck playing Paganini's "Allegro Vivace"
on the banjo

22. What did you eat for breakfast?
(this was yesterday - today i'm not having b'fast, Ash Wednesday fast and all)
Mocha-cappucino smoothie, YUM. Made
it myself!

23. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Lavender. I told someone this the other day -- it's
indecisive. Is it pink or is it purple? That's me.

24. What is the weather like right now?
Clear, crisp, and in the 60s. Yum.

25. Last person you talked to on the phone?
best friend "larry," last night

26. What is the first thing you notice about the
opposite sex?
Hair, eyes

27. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes! She is one of my very first friends. :)

28. Favorite Drink?
Coca Cola

29. Hair Color?
Brown (and some grays! Damnit!)

30. Do you wear contacts?
nope

31. Favorite Food?
Pizza? Mexican? Too difficult to decide.

32. Last Movie You Watched?
Lord only knows�. oh yeah, I think it was "White
Chicks" on Encore. Ugh. Husband had it on. *embarrassed, once again!*

34. Scary Movies or Happy Endings?
Happy Endings

35. Summer or winter?
Fall

36. Hugs OR Kisses?
Hugs

37. What Is Your Favorite Dessert?
the real gooey, thick, fudgey chocolate cakes

38. Who Is Most Likely To Respond?
oh, I don't know. Beansy already did in email, so I guess she wins

39. Who Is Least Likely To Respond?
eveyrone else

40. Living Arrangements?
House. 3br 2.5ba -- with DH, AJ and Napoleon, of
course.

What Books Are You Reading?
Just finished "Secret Life of Bees!" Need to start something. Maybe Harry Potter 6?

42. What's On Your Mouse Pad?
No mouse pads here

43. What Did You Watch on TV last night? Season premiere of The Amazing Race!

44. Favorite Smells?
DH's t-shirts just out of the laundry, AJ's breath, Christmas tree smell...

45. Favorite junk food?
Chips and salsa

46. Rolling Stones or Beatles?
OMG, Beatles. I Hhhhhhhhate the R. Stones!

47. What's the farthest you've been from home?
Japan

Word cloud

Hat-tip to Melessa for showing me this. Check out my "word cloud." I thought it was fairly accurate -- supposedly it goes into your URL and picks out the most-often used words. I added "ridiculous," which seems like it needs to be there -- but overall it captures the right concepts. I love that it scanned to find both "poo" and "poop." :) Hee hee. You can get one, too, here.

What inspires me?

Instead of my usual, I thought I could use a shot of Happy today, and after reading the beautiful lists of inspiration by Madame Rubies and Tiff, *I* was inspired!

First off, the word that caught my attention in Heather's post, the thing that inspires her, that jolted me to attention, was "Stillness." I have to borrow that. Stillness, without a doubt, inspires me. I just wish there were more of it in my life! For me, though, to really be inspired, I'd have to add solitude. Stillness, with others... well, I'm not sure I've ever really experienced that! I think stillness begs for solitude, and I love them as a pair.

Studying music inspires me. Not just listening, which can be inspirational, but when I've studied a piece intimately, and have been taught the why and wherefore of each note and each marking, it becomes infinitely more beautiful -- especially when it's then played/sung/performed perfectly. By me, or otherwise. Just yesterday I heard either the 2nd or 3rd movement of Beethoven's 5th on the classical radio station -- one phrase in particular reminded me of when I'd studied it in a music lit class in college, and I smiled. Ravel's Bolero inspires me every time I hear it and I hate to leave before it's finished. (Also, to continue music-geeking-out for a moment here, gorgeous suspensions, and dissonances that then resolve into harmonies -- Yeah.)

Watching AJ's face while he's asleep. Getting right up close to it so I can breathe his breath. Even better? Holding him while he sleeps. Heaven.

Driving with the windows down in spring. I especially like doing this at night, on nights when I'm returning from church, and I drive through the National Park near my house. It's very dark back there, and that cool, dark wind gives me a rush of happy.

Beautiful, descriptive, intelligent writing inspires me. Reading it, I mean. There's nothing like good writing.

Lives of unshakable, quiet faith in God's plan.

Holding hands and walking slowly.

Deep breaths of sunny morning.

Alright, dude!

This weekend marked a pretty big milestone in AJ's highway of life -- specifically, his speech development -- he learned to say "DUUUUUUUDE." As if that wasn't awesome enough, he also put it together with "Awwwww-iiiiiiiight," to make "Awight, dooooo!" DH and I cracked up and tried to find every reason we could think of to get him to say it again. :) In family lore, one of the first things I said to DH when we met was something that ended with "dude," and he thought it was dreamy. A girl who says "dude." So you see the significance of this moment for us.

** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** *

Tip: Next time you go to an event like the circus in downtown Atlanta, on a weekend, try to pick a weekend when downtown isn't ALSO being used by thousands of glitter-makeup-y young cheerleaders at the "National Cheer & Dance Competition" and THIRDLY occupied by gazillions of stlyists attending the "Some Such or Other National HAIR SHOW." It will be too crowded downtown with shuttle buses and crazies. And you'll end up having to jump out of the car, 18 minutes before curtain, with your toddler in arms, leaving your husband to fend for himself with the parking hawkers, and hoof it across 5 blocks of stand-still traffic in sketchy downtown, up 2 flights of stairs, around the corner to the arena entrance, up 2 escalators (still holding your toddler, mind you, so you don't lose him!), then down the stairs (while your unsteady legs are shaking after all that, what was that? Exercise??) to your seat. And then you might not even be in the right seats. Oh yeah, and it will be raining and 29 degrees.

But you'll enjoy the circus just the same. (AJ, too.) You'll thank me for this tip later, I promise. One last thing, be sure to bring Fruit Loops. (Thankfully, we did.)

** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** *

DUUUUUUUDE!

** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** *

It would be nice if a certain work colleague would RETURN my email about a certain thing I asked him on THURSDAY. Instead he's going to wait until our Tuesday meeting when he can discuss the thing with me in front of everybody and make me feel foolish, which he does just about every time I bring these things to him. Certain W. Rrrr.

** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** *

You'd never believe me if I told you about the drama going on in my church choir. It's not about music, even, it's about 1 person's attempt to overthrow the director. Notice I said CHURCH choir. We wouldn't even know each other if it weren't for JESUS and LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and FORGIVENESS and all that jazz. One phrase alone, which was spoken BY A GROWN WOMAN this past weekend -- a grown woman who has 3 teenage daughters, you understand (hello, role model) -- should be enough to explain to you the gravity stupidity of the entire thing:

Ready?



Wait for it...



"....I thought you were my Friend!"


Did you hear that thud? That was my jaw hitting the floor. Probably in shock after not hearing those words SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. It is SUPER ridiculous around here, folks. Super. Ridiculous. I'm embarrassed that I even had to witness it. Thank GOD I wasn't a central part of it. Sunday morning was all hasty phone calls and "did she call you, too?" and "are you going?" and "I can't believe..." it is just a bunch of crap.

It required me to go shopping all afternoon yesterday, to rid my mind of it. :)

Granny

It surprises me how much my Granny comes into my head since having AJ. Last night while I was putting him to bed, it happened again -- I was singing one of her lullabies and I just got teary. Some days I miss her so much, and I wish she was here to know MY little boy. She had four of them, and I think that's why, maybe, I feel an even stronger bond to her now, as opposed to before AJ. On my other side, my Mom has 2 girls, me and Sis. Her Mom, my Grandmother, has 2 girls. But Granny, she had BOYS, and by the stories she told, they were the boy-est epitome of boyhood. Living on a farm, it's not hard to imagine that: skinned knees, torn jeans, muddy shoes, sticks and snails and firecrackers and rocks.

Maybe it got to me last night because yesterday AJ and I spent a good long while outside, in the 70-degree weather. (Snow on Monday, summer by Thursday -- this is Georgia winter.) Starting with his dirt-stained corduroys from when he played outside at daycare, it was the perfect scene: he walked the perimeter gathering sticks ("tcks"), played in the rock garden ("rie"), fell a small way (on purpose) into a muddy hole, tried to eat some dog poo, and did not want to come inside. :) I just ADORE the "little boy" in him. I want to squeeze it out and drink it. He loves to send Polie away and then call him back, loudly, "Budd-ee!" He's practicing "clicking" his tongue against his back teeth like we do, to call the dog, and getting pretty good at it. He loves to swing, but always stops to look up at the sky if he hears an airplane ("ay-bee"), and if THAT FACT, in my family, doesn't say BOY, then nothing does. Of the four boys of Granny's, three are or were pilots, and two of her grandsons, as well.

Fitting, then, that Granny's song asks the "Angels, dear, [to] hover near, watch o'er my darling boy tonight." Hovering. Like flying. So I always pray that she's one of the angels hovering at AJ's window. When she used to sing it to us, she had to say "Watch o'er my darling girls tonight," but I thought last night how strange that way feels in my mouth -- and how strange it must have felt to her, the first time she sang it that way.

Watch me, I'm healthy and virtuous!

Just saw this on the bottom of the bag of baby spinach that was part of my lunch salad: "5 A Day, The Color Way (TM)." With a little rainbow picture. Hunh, I thought to myself. Pretty ingenious, that.

Might have to contemplate further.

Brown... chocolate ice cream... wait, no.

Recently added

Can I tell you how much I love my iPod? A LOT. Right now I'm adding Cave In, the whole "Antenna" album. A minute ago I was adding several songs from The Church, hubby's favorite band of all time. (Who've kinda grown on me, too.) I can't wait to recreate a mix CD -- now a "playlist" -- that he made for me back when we were dating. :) In a minute, I've got John Denver's Greatest Hits to add. Hee hee. I have lived my entire life listening to that album and couldn't live without it, I don't think. A week ago I downloaded "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on my Head." That's Burt Bacharach, people, and I LIKE it! And later I'll be adding some Foo Fighters, some Dixie Chicks, some 10,000 Maniacs... it's just fun to gather up all of my very favorite music.

I should get to work, of course.

I'm reading Jodi Piccoult's "My Sister's Keeper." It's a hard one to swallow, because it illustrates in great detail my greatest fear. (Don't want to spoil it for you, but it's about a family who experiences something utterly lifechanging and tragic. There's a twist in this story that makes it even more heartbreaking for the mother. And of course, there's dysfunction.) But it's very well-written, and a nice change after some of the drivel I've read lately. It's at the point where I want to do nothing but read it 'til it's finished. Too bad.

Because I should get to work.

Guess what? We're going to the CIRCUS on Saturday! I'm so excited. I haven't been in years. I can't WAIT for AJ to see real live a-vees. He will freak out, in a good way I hope. I bet he'll notice when they poo-poo -- always a funny/awkward moment at the circus. You're watching them be amazing, stand on each others' backs, raising their trunks in all their circus-trick glory, and then in the back of the line, something not very pretty happens. You can't NOT see it. Heh. Such a let-down. They're supposed to be all magnificent, and then it turns out, they POOP. BIG poop. "Ewww," has become AJ's word for animal poo-poo, and he wouldn't know about that except Napoleon sometimes goes in just the wrong spot in the yard, and I have to warn AJ not to step in it. Which never helps -- I've spent more time digging poop out of the bottoms of his shoes than I ever could have imagined. This is something they definitely don't tell you about when you say "I'd like to have a baby." But I digress! The Circus! Will have clowns! And Tigers! And music and popcorn and balloons. I hope he'll be able to stand all the excitement. I'm just happy he'll be getting to do something fun -- a real, ticketed family activity. I've been wanting to do something like this forever -- the zoo, or the new GA Aquarium, or the Barney Live! show -- but we just haven't managed it yet. And little kids deserve treats like that once in a while, even if they're too young to remember them. My first memory of the circus is very, very faint, but I know my Granddaddy was there, and I got a little wallet with a lion on it, and we sat really close to the front, enough that the clowns came up to us at one point in the show. :) I was scared of them at the time, but it's such a warm, glowy memory that I don't mind anymore.

I got spaghetti

What did you get?

I got roses, too. Twenty-four of them. They smell divine. (Sometimes roses aren't at all fragrant until you get right up close to them -- but these smell yummy from 3 feet away. Score.)

The real gift was that Darling Husband came home from work, kissed the baby, clasped his hands together and said, "Now, what can I make you for dinner tonight, honey?"

I. Love. That. Man.

Of course in my self-defeatist way, I tried to martyr the situation and muttered, "Oh, you don't have to make me dinner... I was planning on..." but then I smacked myself in the head and realized what a big idiot mistake it would be to pass up this chance, so I finished with, "How about pasta?" and a big, grateful smile.

He made us a lovely meal: spaghetti and garlic toast. Carb-i-liscious. AJ had his tantrum for an appetizer, Time Out as sorbet, then strawberries, then cold spaghetti. But hey, he ate. And I got points for having made creme brulee the day before -- DH's favorite dessert. Our V-days may not be as sappy and starry-eyed as they once were, but the fact we both took the time to do these small things for each other means there is real-live love in our house, bouncing in and among the exhaustion and stress. So hooray for Love!

Time Out is working like a charm, by the way. I have no idea why we didn't implement this sooner, although I guess he really wasn't crying-to-get-his-way until now. But the minute I say in my Stern-Mommy voice, "AJ, do you need to go to Time Out?" he stops whatever he's doing and looks at me all deer-in-the-headlights-esque. It is good. I have Power! I am once again In Control!

The Special Box is working like a charm as well. Let me just tell you: Pick-Up Stix! The kid LOVES them. Take 'em out, put 'em in. Take 'em out, put 'em in. Hours of entertainment for a nineteen-month-old.

Gratitude journal

1 -- AJ and I had a wonderful weekend together while DH was out of town. We missed him, yes, but spent good quality time together. Despite the fact that we had to take the car in to be serviced, and AFTER having the tires rotated/balance, discovered a nail in one of them, and then had to take the car to the tire place... it was still a nice weekend, and here's why: taking a 2-hour nap together on a cold, gray day with a blankie and 4 pillows, on Mommy's cozy bed. Sigh. Nothing sweeter. (And, let's be honest, having the whole queen-size bed to myself 2 nights in a row wasn't too terrible, either. I like to spread out. That, and the nap? I got *really* good sleep this weekend.)

2 -- My friend Cantus, who picked us up from the dealer and took us to lunch and shopping for lipstick (AJ loved it! no, seriously, he did) while they changed the oil. It was soooo nice of her to come all the way out here to be with us.

3 -- Snow! Even though it only snowed a scoche (sp?), and there was blue sky peeking through the clouds as it came down, it was pretty and we managed to get bundled up and out the door in time to enjoy it for a minute. Like real winter! (I know my neighbors in New England are cursing the same snow right now.)

4 -- DH's return!

5 -- All the laundry at my house is done and the bathrooms are clean. You'd better believe I'm thankful for that!

I read too many parenting web sites

I think we're good parents, DH and me. We're gentle; we know that WE need to be in charge and not let AJ run the show; we stick to routines for him; we let him explore and discover; we remember the #1 thing is to love him... but I think we need to implement a definite team strategy for getting through this tantrum stage. Which I hear can last 'til he's 3, which... heaven help me.

By the way, I asked, and my Mom said *I* really never threw tantrums in my Terrible Twos. (I waited 'til I was 5.) So I blame all this on DH. It must come from his side.

My Ideas

• Plant a sippy cup with cool water in AJ's room before he wakes up (to head off the almost immediate JOOOOOOOSE! demands).
  
• Earlier to bed (8pm), earlier to rise (6:15-ish, to make our mornings less hurried -- so he has some time to wake up before he has to start getting dressed).
  
• MOMMY to get up earlier/finish getting ready by 6:15, so I can get him ready calmly instead of having to scoop him out of the crib, go dry my hair and let him sit on the vanity, help DH get him dressed, pull on my socks as I'm combing his hair, remember my deodorant at the last minute, hastily grab AJ's shoes before tripping downstairs, etc. We have previously been trying to get the kid up and dressed in approximately 20 minutes, which I realize now was RIDICULOUSLY ambitious just ridiculous, period.
  
• ROUTINE. Need to establish a predictable morning routine. Wake up. Want a drink of water? Change diaper/potty(?). Watch TV for a minute. Play for a minute in his room (prelude to getting dressed). Get dressed. Put on shoes. Go downstairs. Help feed Polie. Jacket on. etc. (I generally think we do this but it IS sometimes rushed which sort-of defeats the purpose.)
  
• CHOICES: AJ, would you like to change your diaper on Mommy's bed or the changing table? Would you like to take off/put on pants or shirt first? Would you like the lamp on or off? etc. Allllll the books and websites say this is how to do it. Give them some amount of control since all they want is to "do it MYSELF." As evidenced by my own parents using the strategy on me, it doesn't always work: they asked me every morning, "Milk or Juice?" and I pretty quickly figured out how to foul up their plan by responding, "Muckerjooose." Both, please. Heh.
  
• TIME OUT (?) -- If When he does go into tantrum-mode -- and people, just so you understand the magnitude, these are the writihing-on-the-floor, growling, hiccupping, unable-to-function-but-still-trying, and thus looking-like-a-drunken-gorilla kind of fits (!) visualize that! -- put him in his room, with the gate (so he can still see us)? Or maybe in his crib, while we stay in his room saying "I'm going to stay right here with you because I know you're upset." One minute time-outs. (From Dr. Sears: Time-outs should be 1 minute for every year of their age.) Or, like my friend MB says, "It's okay that you're crying, but we don't want to listen to it. So stay here until you're done crying. You can cry as much as you like." And then, 1-2...3-4 min later, "Are you all done crying?"
  
• For heading off his evening Episodes, I'm still going to try the "special box" idea for dinner-prep time. He only gets it when I'm making dinner. Don't know if it will work but I've put a can of Pick-Up Sticks (good for shaking and dumping, and putting back in), an old wallet with play money that he can open and close to his heart's content, some Elmo playing cards to scatter around, and a few other dollar-store items. I am also hiding the DVD boxes today because one of the things he fights for, when he sees them, is "TEEEE-DEEEEEEEEEeeeee."
  
• Finally, we've found that sometimes "holding therapy" works for him -- when he's really out of control, DH can hold him tight and talk to him quietly and walk around a bit, and sometimes he calms right down.

It's a crap-shoot. But as long as I'm shootin', I might as well have plenty of ammo.

One funny aside, and then I'll go: I dreamed last night that I was in a piano-playing exam of some sort, and I had not memorized my piece so I was cramming desperately with the sheet music right before going on-stage. Once I got up there I obviously hadn't practiced it AT ALL, and therefore I didn't pass my "test!" Ha! TESTING ME! Internalize, much?

bblllllahhhh.

This is just one of those days where I'd rather be doing anything than this. I want to be on a beach sipping a fruity drink. Or at the spa, getting my nails done. Or at Starbuck's, reading. Or, let's see... in a looooong yoga class. On a porch swing. At the movies.

I'm kinda missing Mr. Fussy-Pants, too. Despite his new name. The kid is making STATEMENTS about what he wants and doesn't want, sheesh! Tantrum City. Today's after-school activity is going to Walgreen's to buy some interesting new items to put in his special "only while Mommy makes dinner" shoebox. I wrapped it up real nicely so he'll get excited about it. In theory.

This is normal development this is normal this is normal. But... how to DEAL with it?! I'm developing a long list of battle strategies which I will share with you in my next post.

On the other hand, I'm extra-proud of him today because, drumroll please... he tinkled in the potty last night for the first time! How cool is that? *flicker, flicker* What's that? A light at the end of his diaper-pail??

Hand me the remote

Hey, the Grammys are on tonight. Usually this is the awards show I'm least interested in, but Sugarland is nominated again and I'm very excited for them. :) A real-life friend of mine has taken a job with the band (tour manager). That's zero (okay, it's) one degree of separation. I'm practically famous, myself!

Blogosphere question

Do any of you readers know which mommy-blogger out there is a guardian ad litem? I know I stumbled onto her site at one time, but can't remember or perform an effective search.

I'm trying to find out for a friend. (psst... hi, friend!)

Thanks in advance.

Hero worship

The other day I mentioned that Neil Armstrong is one of my heroes. He truly is, man. Walking on the MOON? That is some kind of cool. In fact, I find almost all things NASA quite fascinating and awe-inspiring, such as.... well, um, these are all Hollywood versions of NASA things, but... the movie Apollo 13. I could watch it a thousand times. (No, not because of Kevin Bacon, but he's a niiiiice bonus. Shut up.) But seriously, that mission, and the actual guys involved? Heroes. And The Right Stuff. And the recent anniversary of the 2 Mars Rovers who've survived about 9 times longer than they were designed to survive, and collected all sorts of valuable Mars information. I mean, we've designed robots that are exploring MARS, people! Is that not AMAZING? The delicacy with which these instruments had to LAND on Mars, alone, is a physics lesson big enough to explode my brain, never mind the fact that after landing, these things then began sniffing around a foreign planet, DISCOVERING things.

So really, any NASA engineer? Hero in my book.

I'm trying to think who are my other heroes. It's like a third-grade history lesson! Names like Sacagawea and Vasco de Gama and Honest Abe start trotting across my mind. No one ever talks about heroes anymore. My husband would say "Wolverine and Spiderman," of course, and my conscience tells me to say things like "Mother Teresa" and "Bono." I'll go all cliche and tell you "my parents," since they are very much heroic in the way they raised me and my sister. I just think they did it perfectly, with the right balance of strict and fair vs. fun and engaging. They didn't push us, we just WANTED to do right for them and make them proud. They treated us like people, not like children. I strive to emulate them more than anyone else.

I think today's American farmers are heroes. It's not an easy life for them and their work is some of the most noble, most honest work there is anymore. Because really, what is creating a website versus Growing Food?? Not comparable. (And I say that because *I* create websites for a living, so don't get offended.)

What about single moms? Yep, heroes. I constantly admire them from a distance -- hey, I actually don't know any single moms in real life. How weird is that? They blow my mind, though.

I guess I don't need a huge long list, but I was thinking about this today and wanted to share. I'll have to keep thinking.

Oh wait, I've got one: Mr. Juan Valdez. Thank God for his work in the coffee fields. And, ooh! ooh!... the person who invented Hamburger Helper. Now you know what we're having for dinner. And.... the Rubberband Man! He's just so happy. I should model my attitude after his! Nowwww we're cookin'...

Comfort me

in that paper-cut-lemon-juice kind of way:

From my friends at babycenter.com:

"7 Signs your Child Loves You:
....(3) Your toddler throws wicked tantrums. Nope,
those screaming fits don't mean he's stopped loving
you. He wouldn't be so hurt and angry if he didn't
trust you so deeply."

Gah. He loves me alright. So much that he almost made himself throw up Sunday, with the fits of LOVE.

I told him last night as I put him to bed that I'd love him through this phase of him fighting me, and if he fights me again when he is a teenager (for the toddler years are obviously similar to the adolescent ones in terms of child-independence issues)...sigh, I'll still love him then, too.

Isn't it fun?! Whee! Let's all have a party, our kids love us!

Gratitude journal

Today I am grateful for:

1. My best friend MB. We had a long talk yesterday on the phone which included tears and laughter, all rolled in to one lovely conversation, plus happy memories and future ideas. She understands me, more now than ever, and she is able to talk sense into me when I'm at my most non-sensical. Even sitting here at my desk, 753 miles away from her home in Texas, I have a Post-It note about one of my online passwords -- and it is indirectly relative to her. I'm so happy she's in my life.

2. Hope. In general.

3. Moe's Southwest Grill.

4. Pattie, at Kelly & Co. hair salon. She surprised me by actually being quite good and knowing exactly what I wanted.

5. Crayons, play-doh, lions/roarrrrrrs!, and elephants/a-veeeeees. :)

The most critical thing on today's list:

Haircut.

Yes, AJ has to stay in daycare a full hour beyond normal today so that I can go get pretty.

Sometimes it is so good that they will have no memory of this time in their lives.

Red-letter day

Happy Blogiversary to Me!

One full year since I put MySelf out there to be seen. My, how things do change. When I first discovered the 'sphere, I was devoted to my first blog-friend Miss Issues' daily offerings, and surfing St. Blog's big ol' Catholic list. Things are different now: Miss Issues went underground (and I miss her!), and my reading evolved. My description did, too. When I started, I defined myself thusly:

I'm a wife and mommy (three cheers for both)... a southern girl (minus the dramatic accent)... a cradle Catholic (but not a very good one)... an enthusiast for fine literature (but not someone who can quote it)... a 2nd soprano chorus girl (who'd love, just once, to have a solo)... a firm believer that things happen for a reason (I can back that up with stories)... and a journal-keeper since I was 9 years old.

Then I admitted this was much more mommy-blog than religion blog, and who am I, anyway, to associate myself with the good St. Bloggers who are so much more devoted than I am! ....and I got embarrassed for sayin' I cain't quote lit'rature in the same breath as saying I didn't have an accent. ;) So I edited:

I'm a wife and mommy, and love both roles... a southern girl, minus the dramatic accent... a cradle Catholic with somewhat of an ecumenical sensibility... a Book Club member who's slacked quite a bit since having a baby... a 2nd soprano chorus girl who'd love, just once, to have a solo... a firm believer that things happen for a reason... a journal-keeper since I was 9 years old

Then I stopped caring about being southern, really (I've never cared about it that much in the first place), and I started getting the solos in my little church choir... and I finally quit trying to have a definition. If I could be defined in 75 words or less, even I wouldn't want to know me. :) I'm a mystery, that's what. But still a journal-keeper. A diarist. A lover of memories. All this to say: This thing is for me, y'all. Years later I want to go back and remember this time in my life. (Here's a real question: Do any of you back up your blogs just in case? How?)

I stole this idea from someone else: As my blogiversary gift to you, I'm de-lurking my own first name. Hi, World, I'm.... Lee. el-e-e, I think we'll say, for creativity's sake and because I always end up spelling it when I give my name over the phone, or at the hostess stand at Applebee's. Plenty of friends have called me by name in the comments, anyway, and it's perfectly okay. There's something odd about wanting to remain anonymous when I share some of my innermost thoughts here. But there's still that Internet safety thing... so el-e-e. Call me whatever you like.

I had high hopes for my witty contributions to the information superhighway -- editorial comment on news and issues, inspired interpretations of my life's little moments, encounters with God in the everyday details... but most of those positions were brilliantly filled long before I got here. Lots of you write SO WELL. I'm in awe of you. I've learned from you, and determined that I'm quite the amateur. I'm okay with that. You're also SO FUNNY! How do you DO that? Is it the cursing? I suppose I could try that, but.... well, Mom's my most loyal reader, I'd better not. :) It's not me, anyway. But, sh*t! You guys crack me up. (see?) Mostly, I've learned that *all* of us parents, writers, employees, singletons, cooks, musicians, wives, students... are bumbling through it, some days. And that's quite comforting.

So I'm just journaling, trying to keep a handle on *my* humble thoughts and ideas. Taking steps toward knowing who I am. Like one of my heroes, Neil Armstrong, the walking is jumpy and glide-y and sometimes doesn't even touch ground.

It's very nice that some of you come by and read me. It makes my little heart go pitter-pat. Have a virtual cupcake, it's my birthday!

The heart of the matter

I feel like I'm always tryyyyying to post something very important, very thoughtful. I'm not, really, it's just that the times when I'm emotionally bent are the times when I most need to get it all down and talk through my fingers. But not everything is a heart-wrenching Issue: (In fact, I just read this funny note about what we, the Internets, write in our blogs. Anti-history, heh.) Here are some of the more mundane things going on at the MySelf household at this moment in time.

• I'm trying to drink more water today because I think my face looks, in general, like ash. (ha.) Seriously, ashy is the adjective of the day. It used to be the description of my highlights - "ash blond" - but now means something much less decorative and flattering. I look like I don't sleep enough. Fancy that... The gray in my face matches my current 'highlights,' which my Darling (DARLING) Husband continues to point out to me with a mirror and a wide-eyed expression. So, more water. Hopefully more glow. And next week: Hair appointment.
• This week's dinner menu: Taco Salad; crock-pot lasagna; spicy fried chicken (frozen) w/baked sweet potatoes, and.... a couple other things. I'm feeling better about my cooking -- was in a real wasteland there for a few months, having a cupboard full of recipes I decided I hated. But I've researched, and sent out one of those chain-letter recipe exchange emails, and resurrected some old ones too.
• Laundry continues to trip me up. I dried two of DH's polo shirts all the way today, instead of taking them out to air-dry after they've fluffed for about 15 minutes. (Why yes, this IS the definition of high-mai!)
• Actually, it isn't: we watched MTV's True Life last night and the episode was called "I have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder." These poor kids. Some really strange stuff going on there. What an affliction. I shouldn't joke about it anymore because those who live with it can truly be called sufferers. It was sad. One of the sufferers, a 23-year-old girl who was very aware that the rituals she did all the time (bending to touch the top stair every time she reached it, flipping light switches like mad, etc.) were unnecessary. She said she wasted so much time "tweaking out." I loved the expression in that context. Still, sad.
• AJ's fourth haircut this weekend went much the same as the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd ones. And by that I mean, Loudly and Stickily (lollipop-used-as-calming-device, not so bright). Besides that, the woman (new) nearly balded him. Oy. I am going to attempt Haircut The 5th my own self. Although, with his hair so short in the back, he looks even more like his Daddy which makes me GRIN. So cute, the two of them together.
• My only two living houseplants are finally dying. One of these plants, I have had since college. I am a killer of houseplants!
• We bought a potty seat and some step-stools this weekend at Crazies R Us. AJ likes his "Pooh & Friends" potty seat (yes, that's its real name), but he isn't so sure about sitting on it just yet. He'd rather wear it around his neck. :)

Revelations

...it's pronounced "meems?"

All along I've been saying "mehms." The French way, I suppose.

Shows how much I know.


* * * * * * * * * * * * *


Last night, upon putting AJ to bed thirty minutes ahead of schedule, I commented to Husband, "Man, I love that kid. But he is a PAIN when he is overtired. So grouchy!"

In return I got A Look.

Whhhhat? You think he gets it from ME? Surely Not.


;)

Spinning round and round

My little round pinwheel is spinning as I download the latest OSX upgrades from apple.com. How I love my Macs. Yesterday I was getting "POSIX error: connection reset by peer (54)" -- Peer 54, where are you? -- and today, after deleting three little .plist files, I'm back up and running, no more error. I love the .mac forums where I can get detailed fix-it instructions for all that ails me.

Sigh. If only that were true of all of life. Where can I find Mr. Steve Jobs' suggestion box?

I'm fretting about my friendships today. Had Book Club Tuesday night and... it wasn't very much fun. For starters, I had to drive all over God's Creation to find the hostess' house. Not that I'd want to BLAME her for being a complete ditz because I'm not catty like that, A-hem, but she gave me really bad directions: once, when she recited them to me, and twice when I repeated them back. Twice! I double-checked with her! She said turn LEFT when in fact, I needed to turn RIGHT, in 3 separate instances. What the...?? Thankfully I had the smarts to know those were errors, even though I'm clueless about her part of town and generally clueless in the geography department. I know she was getting ready to feed 6 hungry mommies while coralling her 3 young boys at the same time, so I forgive her, but it put me in a bad mood to start out with.

Then when the conversation went nowhere NEAR the book, and everywhere near SHOPPING to furnish and decorate my friends' NEW 5-br houses in the more expensive neighborhoods of our dear metro area? ...I just got depressed and sulky. Why am I hanging out with these rich women who have husbands who are partners in their law firms and who go cruising around the Greek isles in January? This is not my league. I can't possibly belong here.

I am not good at the shopping. I don't just go out and BUY things, on a whim. One friend explained her recent "perfect find:" a delicate wooden birdcage that she's going to fill with hydrangeas and ivy and place at the top of a cabinet. Sounds pretty. But the green-eyed monster in me reared back when she told the story, mad that she can just go out, so breezy, and "pick up" fun things whenever. I cannot. Purchases like that seem absolutely frivolous to me, even though we have money in the bank. I don't know why, but I'm like a parrot in my head, repeating, "We do not need that. Squawk. We do NOT need that."

One Saturday when my girlfriends and I were all pregnant, we went to the trendy area of town to have brunch and pedicures, and to shop. We browsed precious boutiques and saw expensive antique-y things, and some bargains too, to be fair. I came home with exactly 2 things: a scented candle (about $6) and a ceramic bluebird which I love (on sale for $15). I bought them just to say I'd bought something, and I felt extraordinarily guilty about them.

I am jealous that some girls just shop without the trouble of spending-guilt. They buy fun stuff and decorate their houses on a whim. Not to mention they'll just "run in" to Talbots or Macy's or wherever, when there's a sale on cute blouses. Let's not even talk about my fashion sense and lack of ability to buy nice new clothes. Or, let's do... I only let myself shop, really, when I have a gift card or I'm on vacation. Or at Target. I think the vacation thing is because we're not at home, so my self-imposed "rules" are relaxed. At Book Club Tuesday night, though, I started not to like my own friends because they don't seem to even *have* rules.

All that said: I KNOW deep down in the cockles of my heart how blessed and RICH I really am. I have a husband who loves me, an adorable son, a decent job with kind coworkers, and these friends. Not to mention a nice, more than adequate home, and nice things. (Just maybe not so many nice things as they have.) It's ridiculous -- even sinful -- for me to covet their things, their lives. God gave me This life. And He could have given me any number of lives; I shouldn't even have to remind myself that there are hungry, poor, homeless, suffering millions who'd give anything to have all that I have.

I just feel down about the whole episode. I think loving your station in life is a lesson that takes a long time to learn. I am certain it starts with basic Thanksgiving. Therefore, the Gratitude Journal:

1. For my home and the way we've decorated it, which is good and charming. No one who came here would say we lack for nice things.

2. For my beautiful family, and for knowing the value of money is less than the value of time together. (My husband has been offered, more than once, a higher-paying position at the company, but it would be at a price. He'd have to work more and be here less, and he's not willing to do that. And that is a GOOD thing; I love him for it.)

3. For my father, who taught me to save money. Taught me a little *too* well. ;)

4. For my mother, who understands me.

5. For my girlfriends. I do love them. I learn from them. (Even this time, I guess.)

Breakfast

Mudslide Smoothie

1 banana
1/2 cup vanilla yogurt
1-2 TBSP honey
1/2 cup milk
1-2 TBSP Nestle Quik or hot cocoa mix
ice cubes (optional)

Blend and crush ice, and enjoy!

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It is raining, raining, raining. Has been since before I got out of bed this morning at six. The lowest part of our backyard is becoming a lake.

I'm a little chilly, but there's navy bean soup in the crock pot, making the house feel and smell awfully cozy.

AJ reached a milestone last night that we weren't expecting: He called out for DADDY, and only DADDY. I'd put him to bed per usual, and he let me sing one short lullaby to him before reaching for his blankies and snuggling down in his "child's pose" yoga position. I went back downstairs, settled in next to DH to watch the rest of the Seattle game and finish my book, when the monitor started screaming, "DA-DAH! DA-DAH!" We had to ask each other, "What kind of cry is that?" because it didn't sound familliar -- was kinda scared, kinda whiny, kinda raspy, but not his usual sound, nor his usual word, which is MAMA! He clearly wanted a particular parent, so DH went up to see what the deal was, and he reported ten minutes later that the little guy CLAMPED onto him with both arms and both legs. Like a magnet to the fridge. For a minute, he said, AJ's head was upright, eyes open, but soon he felt it fall to the side and the breathing became regular as he fell asleep.

I'm convinced he got scared about something, although I don't know what -- that's just what it sounded like to me. Glad he got over it pretty quickly. Perhaps a new era has begun, where Daddy is the big strong guy who can hold us when scary things like the dark or the rain or thunder threaten.